I'll get the ying if you get the yang.
post your own funny caption in a comment if you wanna.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Caption This!
I'll get the ying if you get the yang.
post your own funny caption in a comment if you wanna.
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
"My daughter Sophie picks out all her clothes. This is a LOT of clothes, because she changes outfits many times a day, because God forbid you should go to the supermarket dressed in an Ariel the Mermaid outfit that you've been wearing for nearly forty-five minutes! No, to go to the supermarket, you need to change into your bridal gown. (Yes, Sophie has a bridal gown. Shut up.)"
Stupid News Story of The Day
(That must have been some cake!)
Thieves have their cake but can't eat it
BERLIN (Reuters) - Two men broke into a supermarket depot in Germany and left with just a cake, authorities said on Tuesday.
"Sometimes people just come up with crazy ideas," said Hermann Schwichtenberg, a spokesman for police in the northern town of Itzehoe. "Now we've seen everything."
Police arrested the two men, aged 29 and 41, shortly after the late night break-in and recovered the stolen cake. A search of the men's flat uncovered no more loot.
Monday, August 28, 2006
Saturday, August 26, 2006
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
"Among the specific threats we discussed in Fright School were 'dirty bombs,' germ warfare, mines, and booby traps. Because we took only the truncated one-day version of the course, the instructor couldn't go deeply into these threats, other than to note that they aren't all fatal. (He also pointed out that his company had the world's foremost authority on booby traps, and 'he does a presentation that is quite entertaining.') The most sensible way to avoid these threats, according to the instructor, is to remain alert, use common sense, be inconspicuous, and avoid dangerous areas, such as the planet Earth. He also recommended that we carry the following items at all times: water, food, protective eyewear, protective headgear, an 'escape hood' for gas attacks, a whistle, a personal alarm, and a first-aid kit. He didn't say how you could look inconspicuous while carrying all these items: Maybe you could put them in your cargo pants and just pretend to have enormous thighs."
Stupid News Story of The Day
(And a bomb is just so much better.)
No, that's not a penis pump, Mom. Really
CHICAGO - Cook County prosecutors say a 29-year-old man traveling with his mother desperately didn't want her to know he'd packed a sexual aid for their trip to Turkey. So he told security it was a bomb, officials said.
Madin Azad Amin was stopped by officials on Aug. 16 after guards found an object in his baggage that resembled a grenade, prosecutors said.
When officers asked him to identify it, Amin said it was a bomb, said Cook County Assistant State's Attorney Lorraine Scaduto.
He later told officials he'd lied about the item because his mother was nearby and he didn't want her to hear that it was part of a penis pump, Scaduto said.
He's been charged with felony disorderly conduct, said Andrew Conklin, a spokesman with the Cook County state's attorney's office.
Amin faces up to three years in prison if convicted.
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Caption This!
"Yes they deserved to die, and I hope they burn in hell."
post your own funny caption in a comment if you wanna.
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
Ask Mr. Language Person
Q. "I am a real-estate developer building a residential subdivision on a former landfill, and I can't decide which name would be more prestigious: 'The Oaks at Hampton Chase Manor' or 'The Estates of the Falls of the Landings of Hunters Run.'
A. How recently was the property used as a landfill?
Q. In some of the yards, you can still see refrigerators sticking out of the dirt.
A. We would recommend 'The Knolls at Cheshire Pointe Landings on the Greene."
Stupid News Story of The Day
(I just gotta be me.)
Man comes to court drunk on DUI charge
JIM THORPE, Pa. - A man who showed up in court drunk to be sentenced for drunken driving told the judge he routinely drinks 12 beers a day "and then some."
Carbon County President Judge Roger Nanovic sentenced 25-year-old Joshua Beury yesterday to 30 days to six months in prison for contempt of court and the second-offense DUI charge.
Beury received a similar sentence on Monday for charges related to a November 6th crash which his blood-alcohol level registered 0.17, about twice the legal limit.
Beury told Nanovic he'd had two beers the night before the hearing, when his blood alcohol registered .20. He said he was on medication for bipolar disorder and other mental health issues.
___
Information from: The Morning Call, http://www.mcall.com
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
He really should have listened to his friends
I just finished watching a Japanese horror movie called Audition.I won't spoil the story for those who haven't seen it, but let me tell you, it is not something for the squeamish. Those Japanese sure know how to make a person REALLY uncomfortable watching their films. Yikes. Talk about your psycho chicks!
It starts of pretty slow, and you wouldn't even think it was supposed to be a horror movie. But little by little, darker elements come out and by the time the movie is over, you are left thinking, "what the hell did I just watch???" At least, that is what I thought.
It was a decent movie, though not nearly as grisly as I thought it would be - Hostel and Wolf Creek were just as gory. But there is something about the way the Japanese do their horror movies which make them all the more scary. There is that unknown element. They don't let you know from the beginning that this is going to be a gore-fest. They let you think, "Awww. This is such a nice movie..." then wham.........someone loses an ear. I don't know what it is, but their horror movies are REALLY creepy. And that is why I like them ;)
It starts of pretty slow, and you wouldn't even think it was supposed to be a horror movie. But little by little, darker elements come out and by the time the movie is over, you are left thinking, "what the hell did I just watch???" At least, that is what I thought.
It was a decent movie, though not nearly as grisly as I thought it would be - Hostel and Wolf Creek were just as gory. But there is something about the way the Japanese do their horror movies which make them all the more scary. There is that unknown element. They don't let you know from the beginning that this is going to be a gore-fest. They let you think, "Awww. This is such a nice movie..." then wham.........someone loses an ear. I don't know what it is, but their horror movies are REALLY creepy. And that is why I like them ;)
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
"I am familiar with the University of Arizona microbiology professor Dr Chuck Gerba, who is an expert on household germs, because some years ago I interviewed him on bathroom cleanliness, and he told me that the only sure way to kill all bacteria on a toilet is - I am not making this up - to put laboratory alcohol on the bowl and set it on fire. LEGAL ADVISORY - Dr. Gerba is a trained bathroom scientist. As a layperson, you must NEVER EVER set your toilet on fire, EVER. Also be advised that it looks much cooler with the lights out."
Stupid News Story of The Day
(A case of mistaken identity, or just plain stupidity? You be the judge.)
Man mistakes building for bank in holdup
VIENNA, Austria - A man mistook a municipal building in southern Austria for a bank and tried to rob it early Tuesday, police said.
The 34-year-old man thought a municipal building in the southern village of Poggersdorf was a bank because it had an ATM machine in the lobby, said Hermann Klammer, head of the criminal division at Carinthia province's police department.
The man fled the building after a woman he allegedly threatened with an air gun told him she had no money and that he had made a mistake, Klammer said.
"At first, I thought he was making a bad joke," Austrian broadcaster ORF quoted the woman, Helga Aichwalder, as saying.
The man, who is from Carinthia but was not identified by name, was arrested shortly after the incident and has admitted the act, Klammer said.
"This is an extremely odd case. I've never come across anything like this," Klammer said.
Go Climb A Pinnacle
I went camping over the weekend at Pinnacles National Monument. Despite having lived in King City for some 10 years, I had never been to the Pinnacles, even though it is only about 35 miles away from there. I had a great time. It was hot in the daytime (around 94 or so), but it cooled off to a nice 54 degrees at night, which felt so great. We hiked up to Bear Gulch Cave and then to Bear Gulch Reservoir. It was a tough hike for me, with my achey joints and all, but I made it. It was about a mile to the reservoir, and it was mostly uphill. There were a few flat areas and there were some nice shady spots, which was good since it was in the 90s. The cave was dark and cool...about 64 degrees. You are required to have a flashlight if you go into the cave, but someone forgot the flashlight, and damned if I was going to hike back over a half mile to the parking lot then back up the hill again just to get the damned thing, so we went in with no light (hehe). It wasn't too bad, since there were spots where the light shined though the boulders. But some areas were pitch black and you had to feel your way up the stairs, and some of the steps were wet and mossy and slippery. It would hurt like hell if you fell in there - lol. Plus, there were some tight squeezes and low overhangs where you had to duck (unless you wanted a nice big knot on your forehead as a souvenir of your trip). It was great though. I felt like Indiana Jones (only without the whip and the cool hat). In order to get to the reservoir, you have to climb up a narrow staircase, which sucks ass since I am afraid of heights. Some of the stairs are wet and mossry and slippery, too, and there is some poison oak near them, and you can't avoid brushing against it since there is no room to move on the narrow stairs. I didn't get poison oak though, thank the lord. I almost didn't want to go to the top, but I am very glad I did. It was so pretty up there.
After the hike to the top of the reservoir, we had to turn around and go back the way we came, which meant going down those stairs (ugh - I hated that) and back through the dark cave. It seemed darker when we came back - lol. You would think it would be more difficult to hike uphill than downhill, but that is not necessarily so. It is way more taxing on the knees to go downhill, and by the time we got back to the parking lot, my knees had had it! I was so achey the next day, and my calf muscles are still sore - lol. But it was worth the trek.
The campground was great. I saw deer (a few wandered into the campsite - a doe and her fawn), raccoons (quite a few of them), and cottontail rabbits. I heard coyotes howling in the middle of the night and owls hooting in the trees. There were quail everywhere. I love quail. They are so cute!! The weather at night was nice and cool which made for good sleeping weather.
The next day, we drove to Arroyo Seco and then to San Antonio Lake and Lake Nacimiento, just to look around. I remember going to San Antonio Lake when I was a kid with the Girl Scouts. I got my swimming badge there - lol. It seemed so much bigger than I remembered.
Anyway, the weekend was fun. I didn't get poison oak or a sunburn, but I did get a few mosquito bites. Those suckers just never leave me alone
I took pictures (duh) and you can see them and read more about the trip by clicking HERE.
Enjoy!
After the hike to the top of the reservoir, we had to turn around and go back the way we came, which meant going down those stairs (ugh - I hated that) and back through the dark cave. It seemed darker when we came back - lol. You would think it would be more difficult to hike uphill than downhill, but that is not necessarily so. It is way more taxing on the knees to go downhill, and by the time we got back to the parking lot, my knees had had it! I was so achey the next day, and my calf muscles are still sore - lol. But it was worth the trek.
The campground was great. I saw deer (a few wandered into the campsite - a doe and her fawn), raccoons (quite a few of them), and cottontail rabbits. I heard coyotes howling in the middle of the night and owls hooting in the trees. There were quail everywhere. I love quail. They are so cute!! The weather at night was nice and cool which made for good sleeping weather.
The next day, we drove to Arroyo Seco and then to San Antonio Lake and Lake Nacimiento, just to look around. I remember going to San Antonio Lake when I was a kid with the Girl Scouts. I got my swimming badge there - lol. It seemed so much bigger than I remembered.
Anyway, the weekend was fun. I didn't get poison oak or a sunburn, but I did get a few mosquito bites. Those suckers just never leave me alone
I took pictures (duh) and you can see them and read more about the trip by clicking HERE.
Enjoy!
Monday, August 21, 2006
Random Fact of The Day
The famous white Lipizzaner stallions are born dark, black-brown and don't turn white until they are 6-10 years old. A non-white adult Lipizzan is a rarity.
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
"Claudette Knieriem sent in a Manchester (New Hampshire) Union Leader classified ad for a child-care center that says: 'FUN AT PLAY where it's creative, safe, wholesome and neutering."
Stupid News Story of The Day
(No wonder the cat was up the tree. His owner is nuts!)
Firefighters shot at for not helping cat
KINGMAN, Ariz. - A man angry at firefighters who refused to rescue a cat from a tree was arrested after he started shooting at the fire crew, officials said.
Jeffrey Cullen, 58, was charged with four felony counts of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, Mohave County Sheriff's spokeswoman Trish Carter said.
A three-person fire crew went to Cullen's home Thursday when he reported a tree fire, but found no blaze, Hualapai Valley Fire Department spokeswoman Sandy Edwards said.
Instead, Cullen told firefighters he wanted a cat rescued from his tree and knew they would only respond to a fire call, Edwards said. A battalion chief told Cullen to call animal control or wait for the cat to get hungry and come down.
Cullen apparently didn't like the response, Edwards said.
"He went back into the house, got a small black revolver and came outside shooting," she said.
The firefighters and a 12-year-old boy who had come to see the fire truck ran for their lives, Edwards said. No one was injured.
Deputies arrested Cullen after a brief standoff and struggle.
Friday, August 18, 2006
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
"Florida motorist Damara Hutchins wrote me recently, noting the annoying behavior of certain motorists, especially the ones who drift along in the left, or 'passing,' lane, mile after clueless mile, never passing anybody, and also never noticing the line of motorists behind them flashing their lights, honking their horns, making explicit hand gestures, firing marine flares, etc. This is not a problem in Europe. If you get into the passing lane in Europe, you'd better pass immediately and get back over, because otherwise you will need surgery to have Ferrari grill shards removed from your buttocks."
Stupid News Story of The Day
(Well, there could be worse places to be stuck.)
Man trapped waist-deep in chocolate
KENOSHA, Wis. - It might sound like a chocoholic's dream, but stepping into a vat of chocolate became a two-hour nightmare for a 21-year-old man Friday morning.
The man, an employee of a Kenosha company that supplies chocolate ingredients, told police he got into the tank at Debelis Corp. to unplug it and became trapped waist-deep in the chocolate.
"It was pretty thick. It was virtually like quicksand," said Police Capt. Randy Berner.
Co-workers, police and firefighters tried to free the man but couldn't get him loose until the chocolate was thinned out. Berner said the worker was taken to a hospital for treatment of minor injuries.
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Your name in Russian
This is pretty cool... click on the link below to try it out.
Ignore all the crazy Russian on the site, just type your name in the
box and click to see what your name looks like in Russian ... very
impressive!
CLICK HERE
If you can't click on it, copy & paste. This is really really cool.
Ignore all the crazy Russian on the site, just type your name in the
box and click to see what your name looks like in Russian ... very
impressive!
CLICK HERE
If you can't click on it, copy & paste. This is really really cool.
Random Fact of The Day
About twenty-five percent of the population sneeze when they are exposed to light.
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
"The plot of Godzilla vs. Mothra involves the arrival in Japan of a giant egg, and two really annoying singing telepathic fairies who have come to Japan to ... OK, it's too complicated to explain the plot here. Just rent the movie, OK? Be sure to watch the climactic final battle between Godzilla and - I am not making this up - two enormous moth larvae. When you watch this battle, you will understand why moth larvae are so often referred to as 'the mighty fierce warriors of the animal kingdom."
Stupid News Story of The Day
(Let's do something stupid, then broadcast it over the internet!)
Firefighters suspended for tumble dryer stunt
LONDON (Reuters) - Four firefighters were suspended by their force on Wednesday over a stunt which saw one of the men spun around in a tumble dryer at their fire station.
The prank, which was filmed on a mobile phone and later broadcast on the Internet, shows one of the officers at Blackley fire station in Manchester climbing into the dryer and padding it with clothes.
The machine is then turned on and he spins around inside a few times while his laughing colleagues look on.
The firefighter then emerges looking dizzy.
"Due to the serious nature of the incident, the decision has been taken to suspend them until the outcome of a disciplinary hearing," said Greater Manchester's Deputy County Fire Officer Tony Proctor.
Media reports said the officer shown in the footage had apologised for his behaviour and would be complying fully with the internal investigation.
Footage of the incident can be viewed at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Jnam-gkSrI
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Funny Stuff FRom Dave Barry
"Men: You know how, when your wife can’t open a pickle jar, she gives it to you, and you’re supposed to smile in a manly patronizing way as you effortlessly twist it open? That’s not what happens in our house. What happens is, after a grim struggle lasting several minutes, I wind up lying on the kitchen floor, exhausted and whimpering, while the pickle jar, unopened, laughs and flirts boldly with my wife. Sometimes it gives me a wedgie. "
Stupid News Story of The Day
(Baa, baa bad sheep!)
Australian farmers called to report ugly sheep
SYDNEY (Reuters) - Australian scientists have called on the country's farmers to report any ugly sheep found in their flocks.
A campaign called "Xtreme sheep" aims to study sheep with undesirable wool features to unlock the genetic makeup of the prized merino and ensure production of its high quality fleece.
The South Australian Research and Development Institute (SARDI) said on Tuesday its search for "Australia's ugliest merino lambs" may hold the key to securing the nation's A$2.8 billion (US$2.1 billion) wool industry.
The institute said ugly lambs -- with uneven wool, strange fibers, clumps of wool that fall out, bare patches, no wool, or highly wrinkled skin -- are usually culled by farmers.
"Before sending them to the abattoir, we'd like farmers to talk to us first, because studying animals with extreme features offers one of the most efficient ways to find good genes that can impact on certain wool traits," said project leader Simon Bawden.
"It might seem a paradox that ugly wool may be good, but when looking through a genetic profile, the random genetic mistakes act like a flag, speeding up our search to finding genes critical to wool formation and synthesis," Bawden told reporters
The institute hopes to the DNA study will lead to improvements in Australia's merino wool, making it stretchier, less scratchy, shinier and easier to spin, and better able to compete against synthetic fibers.
So far only 10 ugly sheep have been found this lambing season, which stretches from April to September, when statistically there could be hundreds, said the institute.
A day without a headache is a good day
I have returned from the land of the migraine. I went home from work around noon yesterday. I got home, got into my pj's, took out my contacts and layed down on my couch with a blanket over my head (nice picture, huh - lol) and slept til about 6 pm. But I still had a headache last night when I went to bed and was so afraid that I would still have one this morning. Luckily, it had gone, but I can feel it coming back. If it just stays at a nice, dull throb, it will be tolerable enough. But yesterday, ugh, that just plain sucked. You would think that me, having arthritis and fibromyalgia, that I would be used to pain and would make me more tolerable of it. Well, that is not the case. I think it has made me even more of a wimp as far as pain is concerned - lol. Screw pain!
I just hope I never, ever get another migraine. I know that won't happen, but I can wish, can't I?
Anyway, here's a little bit of fun.... go HERE to check out what happened on your birthday. Here is what mine said:
4 April 1972
Your date of conception was on or about 13 July 1971 which was a Tuesday.
You were born on a Tuesday
under the astrological sign Aries.
Your Life path number is 9.
Life Path Compatibility:
You are most compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 3, 6 & 9.
You should get along well with those with the Life Path numbers 1 & 5.
You may or may not get along well with those with the Life Path numbers 2, 7 & 11.
You are least compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 4, 8 & 22.
The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2441411.5.
The golden number for 1972 is 16.
The epact number for 1972 is 14.
The year 1972 was a leap year.
Your birthday falls into the Chinese year beginning 2/15/1972 and ending 2/2/1973.
You were born in the Chinese year of the Rat.
Your Native American Zodiac sign is Hawk; your plant is Dandelion.
You were born in the Egyptian month of Paony, the second month of the season of Shomu (Harvest).
Your date of birth on the Hebrew calendar is 20 Nisan 5732.
The date of Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 2 April 1972.
The date of Orthodox Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 9 April 1972.
The date of Ash Wednesday (the first day of Lent) on your birth year was Wednesday 16 February 1972.
The date of Whitsun (Pentecost Sunday) in the year of your birth was Sunday 21 May 1972.
The date of Whisuntide in the year of your birth was Sunday 28 May 1972.
The date of Rosh Hashanah in the year of your birth was Saturday, 9 September 1972.
The date of Passover in the year of your birth was Thursday, 30 March 1972.
The date of Mardi Gras on your birth year was Tuesday 15 February 1972.
As of 8/15/2006 11:57:02 AM EDT
You are 34 years old.
You are 412 months old.
You are 1,793 weeks old.
You are 12,551 days old.
You are 301,235 hours old.
You are 18,074,157 minutes old.
You are 1,084,449,422 seconds old.
Celebrities who share your birthday:
Jamie Lynn Spears (1991) Heath Ledger (1979) David Blaine (1973)
Nancy McKeon (1966) Robert Downey, Jr. (1965) David Gavurin (1963)
Christine Lahti (1950) Craig T. Nelson (1946) Anthony Perkins (1932)
Maya Angelou (1928) Muddy Waters (1915) Frances Langford (1914)
John Cameron Swayze (1906) Arthur Murray (1895)
Your age is the equivalent of a dog that is 4.91232876712329 years old. (You're still chasing cats!)
There are 232 days till your next birthday
on which your cake will have 35 candles.
Those 35 candles produce 35 BTUs,
or 8,820 calories of heat (that's only 8.8200 food Calories!) .
You can boil 4.00 US ounces of water with that many candles.
In 1972 there were approximately 3.7 million births in the US.
In 1972 the US population was approximately 203,302,031 people, 57.4 persons per square mile.
In 1972 in the US there were approximately 2,158,802 marriages (10.6%) and 708,000 divorces (3.5%)
In 1972 in the US there were approximately 1,921,000 deaths (9.5 per 1000)
In the US a new person is born approximately every 8 seconds.
In the US one person dies approximately every 12 seconds.
In 1972 the population of Australia was approximately 13,409,288.
In 1972 there were approximately 264,969 births in Australia.
In 1972 in Australia there were approximately 114,029 marriages and 15,655 divorces.
In 1972 in Australia there were approximately 109,760 deaths.
Your birthstone is Diamond
The Mystical properties of Diamond
Diamonds are said to increase personal clarity to help one see things clearly as well as be straight-forward and honest. Supposedly, the higher quality the diamond, the better it is supports these qualities.
Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewelers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources)
Opal, Quartz, White Sapphire
Your birth tree is
Rowan, the Sensitivity
Full of charm, cheerful, gifted, without egoism, likes to draw attention, loves life, motion, unrest and even complications, is both dependent and independent, good taste, artistic, passionate, emotional, good company, does not forgive.
There are 132 days till Christmas 2006!
There are 145 days till Orthodox Christmas!
The moon's phase on the day you were
born was waning gibbous.
Not very exciting stuff, but interesting enough.
I just hope I never, ever get another migraine. I know that won't happen, but I can wish, can't I?
Anyway, here's a little bit of fun.... go HERE to check out what happened on your birthday. Here is what mine said:
4 April 1972
Your date of conception was on or about 13 July 1971 which was a Tuesday.
You were born on a Tuesday
under the astrological sign Aries.
Your Life path number is 9.
Life Path Compatibility:
You are most compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 3, 6 & 9.
You should get along well with those with the Life Path numbers 1 & 5.
You may or may not get along well with those with the Life Path numbers 2, 7 & 11.
You are least compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 4, 8 & 22.
The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2441411.5.
The golden number for 1972 is 16.
The epact number for 1972 is 14.
The year 1972 was a leap year.
Your birthday falls into the Chinese year beginning 2/15/1972 and ending 2/2/1973.
You were born in the Chinese year of the Rat.
Your Native American Zodiac sign is Hawk; your plant is Dandelion.
You were born in the Egyptian month of Paony, the second month of the season of Shomu (Harvest).
Your date of birth on the Hebrew calendar is 20 Nisan 5732.
The date of Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 2 April 1972.
The date of Orthodox Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 9 April 1972.
The date of Ash Wednesday (the first day of Lent) on your birth year was Wednesday 16 February 1972.
The date of Whitsun (Pentecost Sunday) in the year of your birth was Sunday 21 May 1972.
The date of Whisuntide in the year of your birth was Sunday 28 May 1972.
The date of Rosh Hashanah in the year of your birth was Saturday, 9 September 1972.
The date of Passover in the year of your birth was Thursday, 30 March 1972.
The date of Mardi Gras on your birth year was Tuesday 15 February 1972.
As of 8/15/2006 11:57:02 AM EDT
You are 34 years old.
You are 412 months old.
You are 1,793 weeks old.
You are 12,551 days old.
You are 301,235 hours old.
You are 18,074,157 minutes old.
You are 1,084,449,422 seconds old.
Celebrities who share your birthday:
Jamie Lynn Spears (1991) Heath Ledger (1979) David Blaine (1973)
Nancy McKeon (1966) Robert Downey, Jr. (1965) David Gavurin (1963)
Christine Lahti (1950) Craig T. Nelson (1946) Anthony Perkins (1932)
Maya Angelou (1928) Muddy Waters (1915) Frances Langford (1914)
John Cameron Swayze (1906) Arthur Murray (1895)
Your age is the equivalent of a dog that is 4.91232876712329 years old. (You're still chasing cats!)
There are 232 days till your next birthday
on which your cake will have 35 candles.
Those 35 candles produce 35 BTUs,
or 8,820 calories of heat (that's only 8.8200 food Calories!) .
You can boil 4.00 US ounces of water with that many candles.
In 1972 there were approximately 3.7 million births in the US.
In 1972 the US population was approximately 203,302,031 people, 57.4 persons per square mile.
In 1972 in the US there were approximately 2,158,802 marriages (10.6%) and 708,000 divorces (3.5%)
In 1972 in the US there were approximately 1,921,000 deaths (9.5 per 1000)
In the US a new person is born approximately every 8 seconds.
In the US one person dies approximately every 12 seconds.
In 1972 the population of Australia was approximately 13,409,288.
In 1972 there were approximately 264,969 births in Australia.
In 1972 in Australia there were approximately 114,029 marriages and 15,655 divorces.
In 1972 in Australia there were approximately 109,760 deaths.
Your birthstone is Diamond
The Mystical properties of Diamond
Diamonds are said to increase personal clarity to help one see things clearly as well as be straight-forward and honest. Supposedly, the higher quality the diamond, the better it is supports these qualities.
Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewelers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources)
Opal, Quartz, White Sapphire
Your birth tree is
Rowan, the Sensitivity
Full of charm, cheerful, gifted, without egoism, likes to draw attention, loves life, motion, unrest and even complications, is both dependent and independent, good taste, artistic, passionate, emotional, good company, does not forgive.
There are 132 days till Christmas 2006!
There are 145 days till Orthodox Christmas!
The moon's phase on the day you were
born was waning gibbous.
Not very exciting stuff, but interesting enough.
Caption This!
Ok. This whole "big sunglasses" trend has gone too far!
Post your own funny caption in a comment if you wanna.
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
"I can tell from the perceptive way you're reading these words that you truly are above average in driving skills. So am I, of course. I took drivers education at Pleasantville (New York) High School; we did our road training in a 1962 Plymouth Inertia, creeping around greater Pleasantville at minus two miles per hour, signaling our turns, and always maintaining a Safe Following Distance. This class taught me many important driving lessons, the main one being that if you ever find yourself stuck behind a drivers-ed car, you MUST get past it, no matter how many innocent lives you endanger."
Stupid News Story of The Day
(Must....have....cheese!)
Border cops nab cheese smuggler
PHOENIX, Arizona (Reuters) - Puzzled U.S. border police arrested a Mexican smuggler with 88 pounds (40-kg) of cheese hidden in a special compartment in his truck, police said on Friday.
Customs and Border Protection spokesman Roger Maier said officers at the port of entry in Columbus, New Mexico, referred a Chevrolet pickup for a routine secondary examination on Wednesday.
Officers using an X-ray machine saw the outline of 16 bulky packages stashed in a secret compartment behind the seat, which they initially believed were packets containing illicit drugs.
"Generally if you see something (with the X-ray machine) you expect it to be narcotics, but this turned out to be cheese," Maier told Reuters by telephone.
Officers regularly impound drugs including marijuana, heroin and cocaine at border crossings from Mexico, although Maier said the smuggled cheese haul was unusual.
"It looks like it was destined for people who wanted a taste of the old country," he added.
Police arrested the 38-year-old driver, seized the cheese and confiscated the truck because he failed to declare his cargo.
In 2003, border police in the area impounded nearly 800 pounds (360 kg) of bologna as it was being smuggled across the border from Mexico.
Monday, August 14, 2006
Just another migraine Monday
I am in a bad mood.
It is Monday. That alone is enough to cause a bad mood, but I also have a migraine. That puts me in a shiteous mood. I am ready to go crazy right about now. The only thing keeping my level of sanity at a comfortable level is the fact that I am keeping my mind preoccupied by writing this blog. If I stop writing, there is only the pain left. So, one can guess that when I stop writing, I will be, in fact, insane.
Be afraid. Be very afraid.
And if there are typos, then screw it. I don't care about 'em. This isn't English class. This is a migraine-induced blog, therefore, it will probably make no sense. Deal with it. If you want, you can spell-check it for me, and I will fix it later. More like, I will read your little spell-checking comments and laugh....laugh....laugh ...and then bitch about how people have nothing better to do than to correct my spelling.
This headache started yesterday morning. I woke up with a headache, took some Advil, and was fine until about 6 pm, when the damned thing came back. I took Tylenol PM before I went to bed, but when I woke up this morning, the damned thing had come back. And it had upgraded in status to a migraine. How do I know it is a migraine? Well, I can't stand the light right now, which is why I am not looking at the monitor (thus the potential for typos, but we covered that subject alreay, so let's move forward, shall we?). I am also feeling pukey. I feel like if I stand up, I will surely puke, and no one wants that....especially me. Not only that, but every little sound is annoying me...especially the sound of someone's laugh...no, not every person's laugh, jyust one person in particular. Ugh. It is just sooooo annoying!
I feel like absolute crapola, which is why I will probably go home after my supervisor gets back. I just want to lie in a dark room with no noise and sleep...oh blessed sleep. I have already taken 2 Advil and my migraine seems worse than ever. I am cursed. Some people are cursed with bad skin or excess body hair. I am cursed with headaches. I should buy stock in Advil. Hell, with as much Advil as I buy, they should at least give me a discount.
I am through writing now. Let the insanity commence.
It is Monday. That alone is enough to cause a bad mood, but I also have a migraine. That puts me in a shiteous mood. I am ready to go crazy right about now. The only thing keeping my level of sanity at a comfortable level is the fact that I am keeping my mind preoccupied by writing this blog. If I stop writing, there is only the pain left. So, one can guess that when I stop writing, I will be, in fact, insane.
Be afraid. Be very afraid.
And if there are typos, then screw it. I don't care about 'em. This isn't English class. This is a migraine-induced blog, therefore, it will probably make no sense. Deal with it. If you want, you can spell-check it for me, and I will fix it later. More like, I will read your little spell-checking comments and laugh....laugh....laugh ...and then bitch about how people have nothing better to do than to correct my spelling.
This headache started yesterday morning. I woke up with a headache, took some Advil, and was fine until about 6 pm, when the damned thing came back. I took Tylenol PM before I went to bed, but when I woke up this morning, the damned thing had come back. And it had upgraded in status to a migraine. How do I know it is a migraine? Well, I can't stand the light right now, which is why I am not looking at the monitor (thus the potential for typos, but we covered that subject alreay, so let's move forward, shall we?). I am also feeling pukey. I feel like if I stand up, I will surely puke, and no one wants that....especially me. Not only that, but every little sound is annoying me...especially the sound of someone's laugh...no, not every person's laugh, jyust one person in particular. Ugh. It is just sooooo annoying!
I feel like absolute crapola, which is why I will probably go home after my supervisor gets back. I just want to lie in a dark room with no noise and sleep...oh blessed sleep. I have already taken 2 Advil and my migraine seems worse than ever. I am cursed. Some people are cursed with bad skin or excess body hair. I am cursed with headaches. I should buy stock in Advil. Hell, with as much Advil as I buy, they should at least give me a discount.
I am through writing now. Let the insanity commence.
Random Fact of The Day
Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch procejt at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosnt mttaer waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe!
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
"Time and again, in my house, when we're cleaning up after dinner, there will be, say, a small clump of uneaten string beans, and I'll have it poised over the garbage, and my wife will lunge for it like a person rescuing a baby from a wood chipper, saying, 'Those will be good for leftovers!' She'll carefully seal the string beans in a plastic container and put them in the refrigerator, as if she truly believes that sometime in the near future an actual human in our household will say, 'Dang! I could really chow down on some old string beans!' Now fast-forward about a month, when my wife, passing the refrigerator, detects an odor molecule. So she takes out the plastic container and discovers that EWWW the string beans have been replaced by alien space worms with inch-long blue fur. Which of course she hurls into the garbage, which as you may recall is exactly where I tried to throw them a month earlier."
Stupid News Story of The Day
(Sometimes, when you gotta go, you should just hold it.)
Man picks wrong spot when nature calls
CHARLESTON, W.Va. - Sometimes when nature calls, there's no time to delay, but a Kentucky man sure picked the wrong spot for a pit stop.
Michael Ray Hunter, 37, found out Wednesday night that the parking lot of the West Virginia State Police headquarters in South Charleston isn't the right spot.
Trooper J.S. Crane just happened to be walking nearby as Hunter was relieving himself.
As Crane approached, he smelled alcohol. That discovery led Crane to the truck where Hunter's friend, James Alan Richardson, 40, was checking phone messages.
During a search of the pickup, Crane and another trooper found a marijuana pipe and pills for which Richardson had no prescription.
Both men were arrested for public intoxication. Hunter also is charged with indecent exposure and Richardson is charged with possessing controlled substances.
Friday, August 11, 2006
Me, defined
Kimberly -- [adjective]: Visually addictive 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com |
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Random Fact of The Day
There is a giant mushroom in Oregon that is over 2,400 years old, covers 3.4 square miles of land, and is still growing.
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
"No amount of physical evidence will convince a bad driver that her or she is a bad driver. You take a motorist who, while attempting to pull out of a parking space, mistakes 'forward' for 'reverse,' then, in an effort to correct this error, mistakes the accelerator for the brake and sends his car (an Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme) lunging across a sidewalk and into a restaurant, attaining a speed of thirty-seven mile per hour by the time it rams the salad bar and is engulfed by a wave of the house dressing (a creamy Italian). Even as the paramedics are tweezing chickpeas from the ears of this motorist, he will loudly insist that (a) the restaurant was not there before; and (b) there are PLENTY of people on the road who does not drive as well as he does."
Stupid News Story of The Day
(Sorry. Wrong number.)
ATM robbers yank out the wrong machine
KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia - Three would-be thieves broke into a bank in northern Malaysia but failed to make off with any cash as they yanked out the wrong machine — a check deposit machine instead of an automated cash dispenser, the national news agency Bernama reported Wednesday.
The three men broke into the entrance area of the bank in the northern town of Bukit Mertajam early Wednesday, and tied a rope — attached to two vehicles — around a machine, police district investigation chief Chor Ah Sing said, according to Bernama.
They jerked the machine off its hinges, sending it crashing to the ground floor, Chor added.
The crashing sound alerted a security guard to the breach who chased them away, it said.
The three men had already managed to open the machine, but found no cash as it was a check deposit machine, the national news agency said. It is not immediately clear if they made off with any checks.
Local police officials could not be immediately contacted for comment.
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Hooked on TV
I keep thinking it is Tuesday, but it is, in fact, Wednesday. Normally, I would be happy about it being Hump Day, but I just got asked to make baby shower favors for a baby shower which is gonna be on Saturday, so I basically just have tonight and tomorrow to print, cut and put together 40 paper baby booties. No pressure there! It, of course, would be way easier to just go out and buy some, but I am the creative type you know. Sometimes being creative is such a freakin' curse. Plus, I am cheap.
I am hooked on a new show. Well, it isn't NEW, but is is new to me, since I don't have Showtime (see aforementioned comment about me being cheap). It is a series called Dead Like Me, and it is superrific! It comes on the Sci-Fi Channel at 7 & 8 pm on Tuesdays. It is all about this young woman named George who gets hit by the falling toilet seat from the space station Mir and gets killed. Not only does she die in a most embarassing way, she now has to take on the duties of a Grim Reaper in her afterlife, a task which she is most unhappy about. She has to deal with her overbearing grim reaper boss, Rube (played by Mandy Patinkin, who is fantastic in this role), and her obnoxious boss at her regular job....yes, the undead have to hold down jobs just like the living. It is hilarious! I want to buy the DVD's now - lol.
Ugh. I am getting so many grey hairs. I need to color my hair again but I am just too lazy. Besides, if I think of the grey hairs as natural highlights, then it sounds a lot better.
Some new movies are coming out soon that I want to see. Gotta see Pulse, since it is a remake of Kairo, the Japanese original. I am a huge fan of Japanese horror films. I just love their creepiness factor. The Grudge 2 is coming out on October 13th. I liked the first one ok enough, but the Japanese version (Ju-On) was better...way creepier. But the sequel has Sam Raimi as a producer, and everyone knows I LOVE Sam Raimi's work. And the director, Takashi Shimizu, is the same guy who directed the 1st one. Maybe he will be able to get that creepiness factor back, since it was lost in the 1st one. The trailer looks promising at least. And then there's The Wicker Man, another remake of an old horror film. But I wonder why they are gonna remake that one since the original was so good. Everyone knows what happens when Hollywood tries to remake good films...remember the remake of Psycho?? Of course there is also the much-hyped Snakes On A Plane. I wonder how that one will turn out. I would like to see The Descent and Little Miss Sunshine and Clerks 2 (no, I haven't made it to the theatre to see it yet). Gosh, I am coming up with a long list! I just ordered a movie called Audition. Yes, it is a Japanese horror film. I am so obsessed.
I am hooked on a new show. Well, it isn't NEW, but is is new to me, since I don't have Showtime (see aforementioned comment about me being cheap). It is a series called Dead Like Me, and it is superrific! It comes on the Sci-Fi Channel at 7 & 8 pm on Tuesdays. It is all about this young woman named George who gets hit by the falling toilet seat from the space station Mir and gets killed. Not only does she die in a most embarassing way, she now has to take on the duties of a Grim Reaper in her afterlife, a task which she is most unhappy about. She has to deal with her overbearing grim reaper boss, Rube (played by Mandy Patinkin, who is fantastic in this role), and her obnoxious boss at her regular job....yes, the undead have to hold down jobs just like the living. It is hilarious! I want to buy the DVD's now - lol.
Ugh. I am getting so many grey hairs. I need to color my hair again but I am just too lazy. Besides, if I think of the grey hairs as natural highlights, then it sounds a lot better.
Some new movies are coming out soon that I want to see. Gotta see Pulse, since it is a remake of Kairo, the Japanese original. I am a huge fan of Japanese horror films. I just love their creepiness factor. The Grudge 2 is coming out on October 13th. I liked the first one ok enough, but the Japanese version (Ju-On) was better...way creepier. But the sequel has Sam Raimi as a producer, and everyone knows I LOVE Sam Raimi's work. And the director, Takashi Shimizu, is the same guy who directed the 1st one. Maybe he will be able to get that creepiness factor back, since it was lost in the 1st one. The trailer looks promising at least. And then there's The Wicker Man, another remake of an old horror film. But I wonder why they are gonna remake that one since the original was so good. Everyone knows what happens when Hollywood tries to remake good films...remember the remake of Psycho?? Of course there is also the much-hyped Snakes On A Plane. I wonder how that one will turn out. I would like to see The Descent and Little Miss Sunshine and Clerks 2 (no, I haven't made it to the theatre to see it yet). Gosh, I am coming up with a long list! I just ordered a movie called Audition. Yes, it is a Japanese horror film. I am so obsessed.
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
"How do you rate yourself as a driver? No, that's a stupid question. You rate yourself above average. It's a well-known fact that all humans consider themselves to be above-average drivers, including primitive Amazonian tribespeople who have not yet discovered the wheel."
Stupid News Story of The Day
(Thou shall not use thou bible to smuggle cocaine to thou jailed husband.)
Woman sentenced for Bible coke smuggling
HUNTINGTON, Ind. - There was more than Good News in Amy Duckworth's Bible. Duckworth, 28, was sentenced Monday to six months in prison for smuggling cocaine to her jailed husband inside two Bibles.
Judge Pro Tem Tom Hakes gave her four years each on two charges of trafficking with an inmate, and ordered her to serve 90 days on each count. The remainder of both terms will be served as probation.
Duckworth, who has three children, does not have a criminal history.
"When I committed this offense, I wasn't thinking about my children," she said, reading from a written statement. "It only took one time to learn a lesson."
Duckworth had admitted to placing bags of cocaine in the spines of two Bibles and having them delivered in March to her husband, Anthony Duckworth, who was in jail on a misdemeanor charge of visiting a common nuisance.
___
Information from: The Huntington Herald-Press, http://www.h-ponline.com
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
How soon is too soon?
I am sick of hearing how it is "too soon" to be releasing a movie like The World Trade Center. Just how soon is "too soon?" 1 year? 5 years? 10 years? 100 years? Yes, it was a terrible tragedy. Yes, it resulted in the loss of many people's lives. Yes, it left many children without mothers and/or fathers, and it crippled our country's spirit. But life must go on. I know a lot of people may want to bitch-slap me for this, but I think it is a good idea that this movie was made, and I, for one, want to see it.
Before 9/11, people were so indifferent to each other. Before all of that happened, if you were lying, bleeding in the street, people would just walk past you. Indeed the events of 9/11 were a tragedy, but it also showed the nation that we could rise above. What happened during 9/11 is that people banded together to help one another. It took a terrible tragedy to make us come together and work together. What is wrong with making a movie celebrating the human spirit? Nothing, as far as I can see.
The movie is about 2 men who went back into the World Trade Center to help rescue people and, in turn, got trapped themselves when the building collapsed. It is the story of the rescue effort to free the trapped police officers. The movie is their story. It is a story of heroism and survival. Just because 9/11 was a tragedy does it mean that these men's story cannot be told? I know I haven't seen the movie, but from what I have heard, the movie does more to focus on the rescue efforts than the actual tragedy of 9/11. The movie's main interest is in showing how people can rise above tragedy to help their fellow man. I don't see anything wrong with that.
But then, a lot of people will. But to them I say, if you don't want to see it, then don't. It is as easy as that.
But, please, don't bitch-slap me.
Before 9/11, people were so indifferent to each other. Before all of that happened, if you were lying, bleeding in the street, people would just walk past you. Indeed the events of 9/11 were a tragedy, but it also showed the nation that we could rise above. What happened during 9/11 is that people banded together to help one another. It took a terrible tragedy to make us come together and work together. What is wrong with making a movie celebrating the human spirit? Nothing, as far as I can see.
The movie is about 2 men who went back into the World Trade Center to help rescue people and, in turn, got trapped themselves when the building collapsed. It is the story of the rescue effort to free the trapped police officers. The movie is their story. It is a story of heroism and survival. Just because 9/11 was a tragedy does it mean that these men's story cannot be told? I know I haven't seen the movie, but from what I have heard, the movie does more to focus on the rescue efforts than the actual tragedy of 9/11. The movie's main interest is in showing how people can rise above tragedy to help their fellow man. I don't see anything wrong with that.
But then, a lot of people will. But to them I say, if you don't want to see it, then don't. It is as easy as that.
But, please, don't bitch-slap me.
Caption This!
James Larsen, 24, demonstrates his theory on how Jesus walked on water.
post your own funny caption in a comment if you wanna.
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
"Does anyone know why, when we explain human sexuality to young people, we refer to it as 'the birds and the bees?' I have never once seen a bird OR a bee have sex. I don't believe that, organwise, bird or bees have any equipment they can have sex WITH. It seems to me that if we're going to use animals to explain human sexuality to youngsters, we should pick a species whose anatomy and behavior at least vaguely resembles ours. So when your child - let's say his name is Billy - reached a certain age, instead of 'the birds and the bees,' you'd have a little talk with him about, let's say, 'the dogs.' You'd say, 'Billy, the male dog wants to have sex pretty much all the time with pretty much every female dog on the entire planet, or, if no female is available, with another male dog, or the nearest human shin, or any low-lying furniture. Whereas the female dog ... Billy? Come back here!' But Billy is gone, because he already knows all about human sexuality, from watching HBO."
Stupid News Story of The Day
(Oh, what some people won't do for a homegrown tomato.)
Cops: Man stabs 2 in tomato theft attempt
DES MOINES, Iowa - A man faces robbery and assault charges after allegedly stabbing two homeowners who chased him when he tried to steal tomatoes from their garden on Saturday.
Police said Elmer Pace, 53, was eventually caught by Mark and Mick Daggy after fleeing on a bicycle. Police said Pace stabbed Mark Daggy in the left side and slashed Mick Daggy across the wrist.
When officers arrived at the scene, Pace was being held down on the ground.
Mark Daggy was treated at Mercy Medical Center while Pace was taken the Broadlawns Medical Center for treatment of his injuries.
Monday, August 07, 2006
We don't need no stinkin' labels!
For a Monday, today is not too bad. Had an ok weekend. Just spent it doing some shopping and a whole lot of relaxing.
I was watching TV last night and found myself being annoyed at all of those stupid parental warnings they show on every friggin' program. I don't have kids myself (although the issue of whether or not I am, in fact, just a big kid, is still being debated) so why should I be subjected to these lame things? So there's some profanity. So what? Does it really matter whether I say "shit" or "fecal matter"? I know for a fact "fecal matter" does not get bleeped out on tv, yet "fecal matter" and "shit" mean the same thing. Frankly, "fecal matter" sounds a lot more disgusting than "shit." But why are only certain programs subject to these "parental control" thingy-ma-bobs? Hell, if South Park has some lame TV-MA rating on it, then I want to see the 6 o'clock news get some of those ratings, too. Lord knows there is more violence on the news than anywhere else. And while they're at it, let's start putting some "stupid" ratings on programs. Like TV-IQ (watching this program may lower your IQ), TV-ICBIWT (I can't believe I'm watching this), or TV-MTV (moron television - a rating for every program they show on MTV), and TV-TTC (turn the channel - especially useful for Steven Seagal movies). They should also have stupidity labels for music. If they had invented them, it would have saved the world from the likes of The Spice Girls, Britney Spears and Michael Bolton.
If we are going to label everything, why not do it right?
I was watching TV last night and found myself being annoyed at all of those stupid parental warnings they show on every friggin' program. I don't have kids myself (although the issue of whether or not I am, in fact, just a big kid, is still being debated) so why should I be subjected to these lame things? So there's some profanity. So what? Does it really matter whether I say "shit" or "fecal matter"? I know for a fact "fecal matter" does not get bleeped out on tv, yet "fecal matter" and "shit" mean the same thing. Frankly, "fecal matter" sounds a lot more disgusting than "shit." But why are only certain programs subject to these "parental control" thingy-ma-bobs? Hell, if South Park has some lame TV-MA rating on it, then I want to see the 6 o'clock news get some of those ratings, too. Lord knows there is more violence on the news than anywhere else. And while they're at it, let's start putting some "stupid" ratings on programs. Like TV-IQ (watching this program may lower your IQ), TV-ICBIWT (I can't believe I'm watching this), or TV-MTV (moron television - a rating for every program they show on MTV), and TV-TTC (turn the channel - especially useful for Steven Seagal movies). They should also have stupidity labels for music. If they had invented them, it would have saved the world from the likes of The Spice Girls, Britney Spears and Michael Bolton.
If we are going to label everything, why not do it right?
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
Quiz To Determine What Type of TV You Need
Question 1: Are you a male?
HOW TO SCORE: If you answered 'yes,' then the type of TV you need is what is known technically as a 'bigger TV than the one you have.' A true man cannot own a TV that is too large. Even as you read these words, there's a guy somewhere who just bought a TV with a screen the size of a regulation volleyball court, a screen which a human nostril looks like the entrance to the Lincoln Tunnel. This guy is standing in his family room - which had to be enlarged for this TV - and he's looking at the screen, and he WANTS to be satisfied with it, but he's troubled by the nagging suspicion that, somewhere in America, in another family room, there's a guy who has a bigger diagonal.
Stupid News Story of The Day
(Looking for love in all the wrong places...)
Woman seeking 'cute cop' gets probation
HILLSBORO, Ore. - A woman who called 911 in hopes of getting another look at "the cutest cop I've seen in God knows how long" won't go to jail for misusing the emergency system, a judge decided.
Instead, Lorna Dudash was sentenced to serve two years of probation and 100 hours of community service, and pay $693 in fines and fees.
"People who are, oh, say, older than 7 know not to use 911 except when where is an emergency," Washington County Judge Marco Hernandez told Dudash, of Aloha.
Dudash's dream deputy came to her door June 15, along with another officer, to tell her to turn down her music. Afterward, Dudash called emergency dispatchers.
"I'm 45 years old and I'd just like to meet him again, but I don't know how to go about doing that without calling 911," she said.
The deputy went back, to arrest her.
Dudash was sentenced Thursday after pleading guilty. She faced a possible yearlong sentence a fine of more than $6,000.
Friday, August 04, 2006
Random Fact of The Day
An earthquake on Dec. 16, 1811 caused parts of the Mississippi River to flow backwards.
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
"Here are some of the other survival tips from the instructor of Fright School that I wrote down:
If you're going to use and escape rope, try to get some knots in it.
Try to anticipate strikes or blows.
Also, if you're going to get shot, the farther you are from the shooter, the better. I learned that valuable tip during the first-aid section of our training. The instructor began this section by noting that some people are reluctant to attempt first aid. 'But,' he said, 'if your colleague is dying, and you don't do anything, he's going to die, isn't he? And he's not going to thank you, is he?' To which sports columnist Tom Powers replied: 'He's not going to complain either."
If you're going to use and escape rope, try to get some knots in it.
Try to anticipate strikes or blows.
Also, if you're going to get shot, the farther you are from the shooter, the better. I learned that valuable tip during the first-aid section of our training. The instructor began this section by noting that some people are reluctant to attempt first aid. 'But,' he said, 'if your colleague is dying, and you don't do anything, he's going to die, isn't he? And he's not going to thank you, is he?' To which sports columnist Tom Powers replied: 'He's not going to complain either."
Stupid News Story of The Day
(Where's my invitation?)
Abusing their power by abusing their power...
BEIJING (Reuters) - Two Chinese officials cut off power to a hotel after they were not invited to its opening party and forced managers to drink spirits before they would turn the electricity back on, a state newspaper said Friday.
The two officials, who were subsequently fired, said they would lessen the power outage by one hour for every bottle of "baijiu" -- a strong grain-based alcohol -- two female managers drank, the Beijing Times said.
The two officials, who worked at the power company in the central province of Hunan, were found to have "severely harmed the image of the electricity bureau" and "caused a depraved social disturbance," the newspaper said.
The loss of power also caused chaos and blackouts for surrounding residents, it added.
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
"My wife did not understand why I needed to buy a new cell phone. Yet every guy I show it to immediately agrees that it is a vital necessity. I have a friend named Robert who has a similar phone, and recently we discovered that, theoretically, I could 'beam' my address and phone number from my phone to his phone THROUGH THE AIR. I say 'theoretically' because we could not get it to actually work, although we spent a good ten minutes standing about a foot apart, pointing our phones at each other and fruitlessly pressing buttons. Several women watched this with some amusement: they suggested that - get this - it might be quicker for me to just TELL Robert my address and phone number, which would have represented a wanton and reckless disregard on our part for the beaming feature. These women also suggested that we look at our owner's manuals, which of course is out of the question. For a guy, reading the manual is tanamount to admitting that, manhoodwise, you are in the hamster category."
Stupid News Story of The Day
(Help...police! I'm not getting any!)
Ah, this should certainly put him in the mood...
FRANKFURT (Reuters) - Police in the German city of Aachen received an unusual call for help late Wednesday when a woman telephoned to complain her husband was not fulfilling his sexual obligations.
After the couple had been sleeping in separate beds for several months without intimate contact, the 44-year-old woman woke the husband, 45, in the middle of the night and demanded he satisfy her needs, police spokesman Paul Kemen said Thursday.
When her advances were refused, a row broke out and she called the police and asked them to intervene, he added.
"The police officials did not feel able to resolve the dispute, let alone issue any kind of official order," Kemen said.
"And because no crime or infringement could be identified, all they could do was file a report in case intervention might be required at a later date," he added.
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Sleep...my kingdom for some sleep!
Another night has come and gone, and still I can't manage to sleep thru the night. Even with the new meds. I guess I need to give it some time to start working, but I expect results NOW. Am I asking for too much? Probably. I just want to go thru a day....ONE day...where I don't feel like a zombie because I haven't had enough sleep. I managed to fall asleep ok last night, around 11:30, but then I woke up at 1 am, and then again at 3 am, and again at 5:30, and by then, I had just given up on sleeping and just lay in my bed with my eyes shut until I HAD to get up at 6:30. I said that I just laid in bed with my eyes shut because I wasn't really sleeping. Sleeping means that you are oblivious of what is going on around you. But I could hear every tick of the clock, every little squeaking of my hamster's wheel, and the muted sound of my neighbor's music. Yes, he was playing his music again last night ALL night long , but at least it wasn't really loud. Plus, I was thinking about what I could do to make this day go by smoothly. Trying to come up with a game plan.
I was supposed to be filling in for another worker's appointments today. Today is recertification day for the minor consent people, and the normal worker is out. I had to do this last month as well, and it was a nightmare. I was so preoccupied with trying to figure out a way to make it go smoother this time, that my brain would not stop thinking. Thus, the lack of sleep. However, I found out today that I didn't have to do it after all. Another worker had already been taken off schedule to fill in. Had I known this in advance, I may have actually slept last night. Grrrrrr.
I have one of those overactive minds. The kind that won't stop working at night. I will lay in bed thinking about what I have to do the next day, or the next week, or even far off into the future. I will think about things of the past and better ways of doing those things in the future. I will lay in bed thinking of new ways to do things or things I want to do or places I want to go.I will dwell on things like, "Did I lock the door?" Sometimes I will convince myself that I didn't lock the door and I will have to get up and check it (of course, it is ALWAYS locked). And I will think about these things for hours! I wish I would not think so much! I wonder if there is a pill to take to shut off your thoughts - lol. Speaking of pills, why can't they make ones that taste better? Why do they have to be so bitter and nasty tasing? But I digress.
I keep getting phone calls from some dude who asks for a dude named Charlie. It is not just 2 or 3 times this dude has called....he has called my number over 10 times in the past 2 months (yes, I have been keeping track). I am not Charlie! I wasn't Charlie the last 10 times you called, nor am I Charlie now. I am KIM! My voice mail even says my name. The other night, my phone rang at 2 am and it was that dude asking for Charlie again. Grrr. I told him I wasn't Charlie and that I didn't know any Charlie. Apparently that didn't work, cuz yesterday, the dude called me 2 more times asking for Charlie. I AM NOT CHARLIE, DAMNIT!
I was supposed to be filling in for another worker's appointments today. Today is recertification day for the minor consent people, and the normal worker is out. I had to do this last month as well, and it was a nightmare. I was so preoccupied with trying to figure out a way to make it go smoother this time, that my brain would not stop thinking. Thus, the lack of sleep. However, I found out today that I didn't have to do it after all. Another worker had already been taken off schedule to fill in. Had I known this in advance, I may have actually slept last night. Grrrrrr.
I have one of those overactive minds. The kind that won't stop working at night. I will lay in bed thinking about what I have to do the next day, or the next week, or even far off into the future. I will think about things of the past and better ways of doing those things in the future. I will lay in bed thinking of new ways to do things or things I want to do or places I want to go.I will dwell on things like, "Did I lock the door?" Sometimes I will convince myself that I didn't lock the door and I will have to get up and check it (of course, it is ALWAYS locked). And I will think about these things for hours! I wish I would not think so much! I wonder if there is a pill to take to shut off your thoughts - lol. Speaking of pills, why can't they make ones that taste better? Why do they have to be so bitter and nasty tasing? But I digress.
I keep getting phone calls from some dude who asks for a dude named Charlie. It is not just 2 or 3 times this dude has called....he has called my number over 10 times in the past 2 months (yes, I have been keeping track). I am not Charlie! I wasn't Charlie the last 10 times you called, nor am I Charlie now. I am KIM! My voice mail even says my name. The other night, my phone rang at 2 am and it was that dude asking for Charlie again. Grrr. I told him I wasn't Charlie and that I didn't know any Charlie. Apparently that didn't work, cuz yesterday, the dude called me 2 more times asking for Charlie. I AM NOT CHARLIE, DAMNIT!
Let's see how well you do....
LOS ANGELES HIGH SCHOOL MATH PROFICIENCY EXAM
NAME____________________
GANG/CREW NAME______________ CRIB_________________
1. Ramón has an AK-47 with a 30-round clip. He usually misses 6 out of every 10 shots and he uses 13 rounds per drive-by shooting. How many drive-by shootings can Ramón attempt before he has to reload?
2. Leroy has 2 ounces of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Antonio for $320 and 2 grams to Juan for $85 per gram, what is the street value of the rest of his hold?
3. Dwayne pimps 3 ho's. If the price is $85 per trick, how many tricks per day must each ho turn to support Dwayne's $800 per day crack habit?
4. Raul wants to cut the pound of cocaine he bought for $40,000 to make 20% profit. How many ounce bags will he need to make to obtain the 20% profit?
5. Desmond gets $200 for a stolen BMW, $150 for stealing a Corvette, and $100 for a 4x4. If he steals 1 BMW, 2 Corvettes and 3 4x4's, how many more Corvettes must he steal to have $900?
6. Pedro got 6 years for murder. He also got $10,000 for the hit. If his common-law wife spends $100 of his hit money per month, how much money will be left when he gets out?
7. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can be sprayed with 3 - 8 oz. cans of spray paint with 20% paint left over?
8. Tyrone knocked up 4 girls in the gang. There are 20 girls in his gang. What is the exact percentage of girls Tyrone knocked up?
9. LaShaunda is a lookout for the gang. LaShaunda also has a Boa Constrictor that eats 5 rats per week at a cost of $5 per rat. If LaShaunda makes $700 a week as a lookout, how many weeks can she feed the Boa on one week's income?
10. Marvin steals Juan's skate board. As Marvin skates away at 15 mph, Juan loads his 357 Magnum. If it takes Joe 20 seconds to load his piece, how far away will Marvin be when he gets whacked?
NAME____________________
GANG/CREW NAME______________ CRIB_________________
1. Ramón has an AK-47 with a 30-round clip. He usually misses 6 out of every 10 shots and he uses 13 rounds per drive-by shooting. How many drive-by shootings can Ramón attempt before he has to reload?
2. Leroy has 2 ounces of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Antonio for $320 and 2 grams to Juan for $85 per gram, what is the street value of the rest of his hold?
3. Dwayne pimps 3 ho's. If the price is $85 per trick, how many tricks per day must each ho turn to support Dwayne's $800 per day crack habit?
4. Raul wants to cut the pound of cocaine he bought for $40,000 to make 20% profit. How many ounce bags will he need to make to obtain the 20% profit?
5. Desmond gets $200 for a stolen BMW, $150 for stealing a Corvette, and $100 for a 4x4. If he steals 1 BMW, 2 Corvettes and 3 4x4's, how many more Corvettes must he steal to have $900?
6. Pedro got 6 years for murder. He also got $10,000 for the hit. If his common-law wife spends $100 of his hit money per month, how much money will be left when he gets out?
7. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can be sprayed with 3 - 8 oz. cans of spray paint with 20% paint left over?
8. Tyrone knocked up 4 girls in the gang. There are 20 girls in his gang. What is the exact percentage of girls Tyrone knocked up?
9. LaShaunda is a lookout for the gang. LaShaunda also has a Boa Constrictor that eats 5 rats per week at a cost of $5 per rat. If LaShaunda makes $700 a week as a lookout, how many weeks can she feed the Boa on one week's income?
10. Marvin steals Juan's skate board. As Marvin skates away at 15 mph, Juan loads his 357 Magnum. If it takes Joe 20 seconds to load his piece, how far away will Marvin be when he gets whacked?
Caption This!
Yeah I'm tired. YOU try lugging this big head around all day and see how YOU feel.
post your own funny caption in a comment if you wanna.
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
"The primitive male shopper did not dilly-dally. He did not ask whether the yak was on sale. He did not try to accessorize the yak. He did not summon his primitive men friends and ask them if they thought the yak made his hips look big. No, he just WHOMPED THE YAK, and then he dragged it home, stopping only to whomp the primitive sales guys who appeared out of nowhere and tried to force him to purchase the service agreement. This is the biological basis for shopping. And this is why, even today, most men, when they shop, are yak-whompers. They do not wander. They go straight for the kill. I know I do. When I enter a store, I have a definite, practical, no-nonsense objective in mind, which is to locate, and secure, an electronic gizmo that I already have, except the new one has more features."
Stupid News Story of The Day
(He was REALLY hungry.)
Surgeons find knife, nails in stomach
BELGRADE, Serbia - A team of surgeons in western Serbia earlier this week took out eight nails, a knife, a pen, a screw, a spoon, a clothes-peg and other, smaller objects, from a young man's stomach, one of the doctors said Wednesday.
"We were astonished," said Dr. Maja Gulan, who helped perform the operation Monday in Uzice, 70 miles southwest of Belgrade.
"We have seen people swallow various things, but never this many," she added.
The identity of the patient has not been revealed. The doctors said he had suffered no major damage to his internal organs, and was successfully recovering.
The case was initially reported by a concerned relative who saw him swallowing the objects, doctors said.
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
"I can't shop with my wife. The problem is that she almost never has a clear objective. I ALWAYS have a clear objective. Without a clear objective, you're just wandering randomly around a store, which is NOT the point of shopping. This is not just my opinion: This is the opinion of literally thousands of Nobel Prize-winning scientists whose names are available upon request. These scientists have traced the origins of shopping back to prehistoric times, when 'shopping' was called 'hunting,' and primitive man would make out his 'shopping list' by drawing, on his cave wall, a picture of his objective, usually a large wad of meat in the form of, say, a yak. He would then go out into the wild, locate his objective, and make the 'purchase' by whomping the yak on the head with a club."
Stupid News Story of The Day
(I'm gonna huff, I'm gonna puff, I'm gonna blow up my house!)
Man blows up flat after being evicted
LISBON (Reuters) - An 80-year-old man blew up his flat on Monday to retaliate for being evicted by his landlord, bringing down part of his five-floor central Lisbon block and setting it alight.
"He had threatened neighbours that he would blow up the place if he ever got kicked out," Carlos Pinto, a fireman with the Lisbon fire brigade, told Reuters. "I guess he kept his promise."
He said neighbours had reported that the man had threatened to pour petrol on his floor and set it alight, and one reported seeing him with a bottle of petrol moments before the explosion.
The man suffered severe burns. No other casualties were reported.
Monday, July 31, 2006
Caption This!
Jennie Ling, 18, a member of the National Acrobatic Team, shows off her acrobatic skills. She says she loves doing acrobatics, and her flexibility gives her a sense of freedom....and a lot of dates.
post your own funny caption in a comment if you wanna.
Just call me Ms Grumpypants
Ugh. I hate Mondays. Yeah, I know I keep repeating it every week, but I think it bears repeating.
Another thing I hate is my next-door neighbor...the one who lives to my left (in other words, the one who is right next to my bedroom). His louder-than-loud music was blaring on his stereo til over 4 am on both Friday and Saturday nights. I could not sleep even with earplugs! I had to go out to my living room and crash on the couch, and even with earplugs and my bedroom door closed, I could still hear his crappy ass music. Ugh! And last night, I awoke at 3 am, only to hear the sound of his asshole voice screaming at someone in his apartment (maybe his girlfriend or his kid....I dunno - I could only hear his voice). I could even hear some of what he was saying (not that I WANTED to, but with a voice that loud, you can't avoid it). He kept saying...."Why do you have to keep going on and on and on?!" (I was thinking the same thing myself...about HIS mother-fucking ass). Someone please come over and just shoot him! PLEASE! God he sucks! I don't really hate people, but I could definitely see myself hating his lousy ass. Inconsiderate, rude, loud mother fucker! I didn't go back to sleep til after 4:30, then woke up again at 5:10, fell back asleep and woke up again at 6:30. Another night of little, lousy sleep. No wonder I am so grumpy!
This morning, on the way to work, I came thisclose to rear-ending a pickup in front of me, because the on-ramp to the 99 was backed up due to an accident just past Ming Ave. I couldn't see that traffic was stopped til I turned into the on-ramp, and by then it was almost too late. I wasn't the only one though. I heard plenty of brakes squealing, and a little ways up, I saw that 2 cars had pulled over to the side of the ramp because of a little rear-ending drama. Damn, that was a close one!
I am really grumpy today. Partly because I am so sleepy (due to my crappy ass neighbor), and that I am just feeling like crap. Ever since I got back from vacation, I have been getting headaches and the joint pain has been pretty bad too. I think I figured out why. It is from this crappy Bakersfield air. When I was in New Mexico at the cabin, the air was so clean. It was great. But then I get back to this brown, smoggy Bakersfield air, and my head suddenly feels like it wants to explode. Smog sucks. Sometimes I hate this place.
My mom called me over the weekend to say that my grandma's house had been sold. I didn't think it would sell so soon. I feel a little sad knowing that someone else will be living there. But I think my grandma's neighbors will be happy to see it not empty anymore.
The celebration of life in honor of my aunt Marge will be toward the end of August. I asked for 2 days off so I could go to it, but my boss said she would be out that week, but she would "see what she could do." Fuck. I will call in sick if they say I can't have the time off. It was my mom's sister for crying out loud. I wanna be there for her. Screw work. Just screw it.
Nevermind. My boss just told me that I can have those days off. Guess I was jumping the gun a little bit.
Just a little bit - hehe.
Yep, I am one Grumpy Gus today.
Another thing I hate is my next-door neighbor...the one who lives to my left (in other words, the one who is right next to my bedroom). His louder-than-loud music was blaring on his stereo til over 4 am on both Friday and Saturday nights. I could not sleep even with earplugs! I had to go out to my living room and crash on the couch, and even with earplugs and my bedroom door closed, I could still hear his crappy ass music. Ugh! And last night, I awoke at 3 am, only to hear the sound of his asshole voice screaming at someone in his apartment (maybe his girlfriend or his kid....I dunno - I could only hear his voice). I could even hear some of what he was saying (not that I WANTED to, but with a voice that loud, you can't avoid it). He kept saying...."Why do you have to keep going on and on and on?!" (I was thinking the same thing myself...about HIS mother-fucking ass). Someone please come over and just shoot him! PLEASE! God he sucks! I don't really hate people, but I could definitely see myself hating his lousy ass. Inconsiderate, rude, loud mother fucker! I didn't go back to sleep til after 4:30, then woke up again at 5:10, fell back asleep and woke up again at 6:30. Another night of little, lousy sleep. No wonder I am so grumpy!
This morning, on the way to work, I came thisclose to rear-ending a pickup in front of me, because the on-ramp to the 99 was backed up due to an accident just past Ming Ave. I couldn't see that traffic was stopped til I turned into the on-ramp, and by then it was almost too late. I wasn't the only one though. I heard plenty of brakes squealing, and a little ways up, I saw that 2 cars had pulled over to the side of the ramp because of a little rear-ending drama. Damn, that was a close one!
I am really grumpy today. Partly because I am so sleepy (due to my crappy ass neighbor), and that I am just feeling like crap. Ever since I got back from vacation, I have been getting headaches and the joint pain has been pretty bad too. I think I figured out why. It is from this crappy Bakersfield air. When I was in New Mexico at the cabin, the air was so clean. It was great. But then I get back to this brown, smoggy Bakersfield air, and my head suddenly feels like it wants to explode. Smog sucks. Sometimes I hate this place.
My mom called me over the weekend to say that my grandma's house had been sold. I didn't think it would sell so soon. I feel a little sad knowing that someone else will be living there. But I think my grandma's neighbors will be happy to see it not empty anymore.
The celebration of life in honor of my aunt Marge will be toward the end of August. I asked for 2 days off so I could go to it, but my boss said she would be out that week, but she would "see what she could do." Fuck. I will call in sick if they say I can't have the time off. It was my mom's sister for crying out loud. I wanna be there for her. Screw work. Just screw it.
Nevermind. My boss just told me that I can have those days off. Guess I was jumping the gun a little bit.
Just a little bit - hehe.
Yep, I am one Grumpy Gus today.
Random Fact of The Day
In West Virginia if you run over an animal, you can legally take it home and cook it for dinner.
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
"In case you ever find yourself in a hostile situation or, God forbid, a Raiders home game, today I'm going to pass along the lessons I learned in Fright School, as recorded in my notes. My first note says, 'cargo pants,' because that's what the instructor was wearing. He was a muscular, military-looking British guy who was quite cheerful, considering that he ended roughly every fourth sentence with: 'And if THAT happens, you're going to die.' The instructor began by reviewing the various kinds of hostile situations we, as journalists, might encounter. The three main points I got from that were:
1. A lot of things can happen.
2. All of these can kill you.
3. So DON'T PANIC."
1. A lot of things can happen.
2. All of these can kill you.
3. So DON'T PANIC."
Stupid News Story of The Day
(Ozzy Osbourne, eat your heart out)
Man accused of biting off rooster's head
NEW YORK - A man accused of biting the head off his pet rooster was arrested Friday and faces up to a year in prison if convicted, an animal protection spokesman said.
A neighbor had complained about a dead rooster near his Manhattan apartment and agents found the body of the beheaded rooster on a fire escape, said Joe Pentangelo, spokesman for the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. The rooster's head was not located.
Humberto Rodriguez, 52, told agents that he bit the rooster's head off because he blamed it for injuring a pet pigeon that he also kept in the apartment, Pentangelo said.
Rodriguez is charged with animal cruelty and could face up to a year in prison if convicted. It is also illegal to possess a live rooster in New York City, Pentangelo said.
Pentangelo said Friday night he did not know whether Rodriguez had a lawyer.
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