Stupid News Story of The Day

(I wonder what the punishment would be for someone who stole a bra.)

'I stole mail'

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The U.S. Supreme Court on Monday allowed a California man to be sentenced to spend a day outside a San Francisco post office wearing a signboard stating, "I stole mail. This is my punishment."

The justices rejected an appeal by Shawn Gementera, who argued that this was designed to publicly shame and humiliate him. He said it violated the Sentencing Reform Act and the constitutional ban on cruel and unusual punishment.

Gementera pleaded guilty to mail theft after the police arrested him and an accomplice in 2001 for stealing letters from several mailboxes in San Francisco.

U.S. District Judge Vaughn Walker in 2003 sentenced Walker to two months in prison, to be followed by three years of supervised release.

The conditions for his release required Gementera to spend four days at a post office observing patrons inquire about lost or stolen mail, to write letters of apology to the victims of his crime, to give three lectures at high schools about his crime and to wear the two-sided sign for one eight-hour day.

Gementera appealed the legality of the signboard requirement, but a U.S. appeals court panel, by a 2-1 vote, ruled against him in August.

The appeals court said the record in the case showed that the judge imposed the condition for the legitimate purpose of rehabilitation.

It said the judge could have imposed a lengthier prison term instead of the signboard condition, and added that crimes and the resulting penalties nearly always cause shame and embarrassment.

Gementera's attorneys appealed to the Supreme Court.

"The shaming condition amounted to nothing more than the piling on of an additional and quite gratuitous requirement -- designed to publicly humiliate (Gementera) -- in contravention of federal law," they said.

"Punishments aimed at imposing shame and humiliation are inconsistent with a constitutional requirement that punishments, even for heinous crimes, be consistent with human dignity," they said.

U.S. Justice Department attorneys said a sentence may serve a legitimate rehabilitative purpose, even if makes the defendant feel uncomfortable or embarrassed in public.

The high court turned down Gementera's appeal without any comment or recorded dissent.

Thanksgiving - George Carlin Style

"On Thanksgiving at our house we like variety, so we don't have turkey every year. Last year we had a swan. It was nice; everyone got some neck. Another year we had a seagull. Delicious! It's a little fishy, but at least there's no need to add salt. This year, we're expecting a few people over, so we're having flamingo. And I'm getting the leg that folds up. They say the meat is sweeter and more tender because the flamingo doesn't use it much."

Happy Turkey Day!

 

Happy Turkey Day to everyone! Eat, sleep and then eat some more....hehe

 

Pregnant Turkey

I thought this was a cute joke....


One year at Thanksgiving my mom went to my sister's house for the
traditional feast. Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to
play a trick. She told my sister that she needed something from the
store.

When my sister left, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the
stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen, and inserted it into the turkey, and
re-stuffed the turkey. She then placed the bird(s) back in the oven.

When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven
and proceeded to remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit
something, she reached in and pulled out the little bird. With a look
of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, "Patricia, you've
cooked a pregnant bird!"

At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry. It
took the family two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs!

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"With all this natural selection going on, why doesn't the human race get any smarter? Is this it? Why are there still so many stupid people? Apparently, being a real dumb jackoff has some survival value."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Well, it may not be the kind of touch he was hoping for...)

Police Hit Man in Genitals With Taser

FORT MYERS BEACH, Fla. - Police accidentally hit a naked man in the genitals with a Taser after he was caught breaking windows and asking women to touch him, authorities said.

Jeremy J. Miljour, 26, tried to run away when sheriff's deputies approached so one of them shot their Taser, said Cpl. Matt Chitwood. But one of the gun's prongs accidentally hit Miljour's genitals and got stuck, Chitwood said.

"The Taser is relatively accurate, but when someone is moving like that, it doesn't matter if you have a Taser, or a pistol. (Officers) can't aim," Chitwood said.

Miljour was treated at a hospital before being taken to the Lee County jail. He was charged with indecent exposure, resisting an officer and criminal damage.

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"How can everyone's money be 'hard-earned,' and everyone's vacation be 'well-deserved'? Sounds like bull to me.

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Don't drink and dry.)

Sometimes you just have a really bad day...

BERLIN (Reuters) - A German man drank too much, wet his bed and set fire to his apartment while trying to dry his bedding, police in the western town of Muelheim said Monday.

"He was too drunk to go to the toilet," said a police spokesman. "The next morning he put a switched-on hairdryer on the bed to dry it and left the apartment." When the 60-year-old returned, his home and belongings were in flames.

Firemen eventually put out the blaze.

Extreme Rock, Paper, Scissors

The Beach

I went to the beach this weekend. I posted new pictures on my Yahoo album and wrote about it on my other blog, which you can get to by clicking HERE.

Stupid News Story of The Day

(I'm not dead yet!)

Tears save sick mother from cremation alive

BEIJING (Reuters) - A Chinese peasant woman who suffered a brain haemorrhage was left at the undertakers alive for cremation because her family could no longer afford hospital treatment, state media said Friday.

She was only saved by the tears in her eyes.

The case is the latest in a series of tragedies illustrating China's stretched health care system and the inability of rural workers to meet spiraling medical costs.

You Guoying, a 47-year-old migrant worker from southwestern Sichuan province, was taken for cremation by her husband and children in Taizhou, eastern Zhejiang province, where she worked, the China Youth Daily said.

Fortunately for You, the undertaker realized she was still alive when he saw her move and tears in her eyes, the newspaper said.

"This is not only a tragedy for the family, but also for society," it quoted Xu Yinghe, a Taizhou official, as saying.

"The fundamental reason is the absence of a social welfare system."

You was taken back to hospital for further treatment with money donated by sympathetic citizens of prosperous Zhejiang, the newspaper said.

"Three days of treatment cost us more than 10,000 yuan," it quoted her daughter as saying, adding that was the sum of the family's life savings.

"If there had been another option, who would have the heart to send a member of their own family for cremation while there was still a hope of survival?"

The newspaper did not say if the family would face charges.

Vice Health Minister Zhu Qingsheng said last December that about half of all farmers could not afford medical treatment when sick.

A 42-year-old farmer too poor to afford treatment for lung cancer set off a home-made bomb aboard a bus in Fuzhou, capital of the southeastern province of Fujian, in August, killing himself and another passenger and wounding 30.

Also in August, a security guard hailed a hero for fighting off a purse snatcher jumped to his death from a hospital window in south Guangxi province because he couldn't afford the bills.

In the late 1970s, 94 percent of China's villagers were covered by cooperative medical schemes. But the collectives were disbanded during market reforms of the 1980s which ended cradle-to-grave welfare for the masses.

Hehehe

Dear Friends & Loved Ones,

I wish to express my thanks to all those who have forwarded me informative e-mails in hopes of making my life better. Especially to the person who sent me the one about rats in the glue on envelopes, because I now have to get a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing. I guess it’s not so bad to have the towel around though, so I can also clean the rat turds and Herpes off of all my canned goods and sodas.

I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me your chain letters over the past 12 months. You have made me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy. Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains. I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper, since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer use Saran Wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer, as does sugar, Nutrasweet, saccharin, Equal, Splenda, salt and anything else that might actually make food taste good. Damn those cancerous lab rats! And damn the guy who tested the Saran Wrap on them!

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones or pump my own gas because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. That probably won’t matter since I drank a can of Tab today when I didn’t have my towel.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume or cologne sample and rob me. It sucks not getting to see those girls make the lemonade at Hot Dog on a Stick. I am no longer worried about receiving a letter with Anthrax because the chances of that happening are slim. It is far more important to refuse packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

“But you can’t take our Freedom!” I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army. This has been tough for me since I now have no place to buy CD’s, DVD’s, plants, clothes, vacuum cleaners, sporks, shiny gift wrap, shoes, or bulk granola bars.

Speaking of the French, I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan. Which is sad because it might be that Martin Sheen recording calling to tell me how he thinks I should vote in the next election. The fact that he plays the President on TV gives me the utmost confidence in his selections for my ballot.

I no longer visit Las Vegas because what happens there stays there, including my kidneys in a bucket of ice. I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers, or at McDonald’s because, though their chickens aren’t mutants, the McNuggets are made with chicken heads, or at Wendy’s because someone lost a digit in the Chilli, or at Jack In The Box because one of their locations once had a roach, or at Burger King because that costumed King character is actually a demonic, soul possessing representation of Lord Beelzebub, AKA Satan. I typically just don’t eat now.

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike. I will not buy gasoline from Exxon, Shell, Mobile, or BP on December 25th, 2005 in a massive group attempt to cripple the overcharging gas conglomerates who run our daily lives. I have also stopped using other gas and petroleum-based products like Vasoline, plastic and heat.

I no longer need a high speed connection since nothing can surpass the video you sent me of the guy who crapped on a glass plate and the reporter who stood to close the yellow line on the tarmac. And thanks for the Halloween e-card where you carve the pumpkin until it dies with a nails on chalkboard scream in a bloody mess. I think my grandma got a kick out of it. At least that’s what the coroner thought.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe. It’s good to make my own cookies since I hear that Famous Amos is secretly run by the Ku Klux Klan in an attempt to not only financially kill the black community, but to slowly poison black people and any of their foolish white supporters that would eat anything with a black man’s face on it.

Thanks to you, I no longer worry about my soul because I have 777 angels looking out for me and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish. Which is strange since I am not Catholic and I thought that God only answered my prayers if I forwarded an e-mail to seven of my friends and made a wish within five minutes. But I wonder if that means I can eat Burger King again? Regardless, I am guaranteed a spot in heaven since I purchased 11 nails that were actually used during the filming of The Passion of The Christ, from that email you sent me.

I also no longer go to sleep, because Freddie might get me. I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital of a terminal disease that only needs a few more dollars from me before they can find the cure and save her precious life. It’s so nice of that guy in Guam to personally accept and distribute the funds. I am sure that I have saved like 73 lives already this week. Not to mention that, for 30 thousand pennies a day I have been able to save dozens of poor starving children and help them learn to read… the Bible. Too bad I have no money left, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail survey program.

Too bad, I will no longer accept US currency because if you fold it just right you can see the Twin Towers burning and the Pentagon on fire which surely means that the magnetic strip in new money is being used by terrorists to track my every move so that their missiles can home right in on me personally.

Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that I will now return the favor! If you don't send this e-mail to at least 300 loved ones who have helped your life with their forwards in the next 180 seconds, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 one-humped camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump of your own. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next-door neighbor's. See attached file WORMKLEZ-H.EXE for proof. Have a good day!!!”

Stupid News Story of The Day

(One could only wonder how much money could have been left after the first robbery)

Cops: Gunman Robs Eatery Twice in One Day

GREENVILLE, S.C. - The same gunman robbed a restaurant twice in one day, Greenville police say. The robber came into the First Wok restaurant around 11:30 a.m. Monday, pointing a gun at an employee and demanding money, according to a police report.

The owner, Yu Guan, chased the gunman in his car, but stopped when the robber flashed the gun again, police said.

Nine hours later, what appeared to be the same man in different clothes came into the restaurant with a similar gun and again robbed the restaurant, police spokesman Lt. Mike Gambrell said.

Guan said his restaurant has been robbed four times since February

Give Thanks

This was a cute e-mail I got from my best friend's mom, and since it is almost Thanksgiving, I just had to pass it along :)

Thank You for This Food

A 4-year-old boy was asked to return thanks before a big dinner. The family members bowed their heads in expectation. He began his prayer, thanking God for all his friends, naming them one by one. Then he thanked God for Mommy, Daddy, brother, sister, Grandma, Grandpa, and all his aunts and uncles. Then he began to thank God for the food. He gave thanks for the turkey, the dressing, the fruit salad, the cranberry sauce, the pies, the cakes, even the Cool Whip.

Then he paused, and everyone waited--and waited. After a long silence, the young fellow looked up at his mother and asked, "If I thank God for the broccoli, won't he know that I'm lying?"

Stupid News Story of The Day

(So, was the holding hostage part an accident, too?)

Woman Plans to Marry Man Who Shot Her

SAN BERNARDINO, Calif. - A woman said she still plans to marry the man who shot her in the groin and then held her hostage in his family's garage for six days.

Tina Marie Stebbins revealed her intentions in a letter released Monday as her boyfriend, Christian Leroy Lindblad, was sentenced to 20 years in prison for shooting her in June 2002.

"I love Christian today as deeply as I loved him before this awful thing happened to us," Stebbins wrote in a victim impact statement. "We are soul mates."

She added: "I want to tell you all that I have forgiven Christian. And I pray that Christian has forgiven me for failing him when he needed me most."

The incident occurred at the Big Bear City home the couple shared with Lindblad's parents. Lindblad and Stebbins had a history of domestic violence and substance abuse, according to a sentencing report. It also said Lindblad had been drinking at the time of the shooting.

Lindblad and his parents, Robert and Shirley Lindblad, tried to cover up the shooting by treating Stebbins with home remedies, according to a San Bernardino County Sheriff's report. They also threatened her young sons and her family, the report said.

Critically wounded, Stebbins was airlifted to a hospital after Lindblad mentioned the incident to a family friend who was a firefighter.

Lindblad, 37, pleaded guilty to a charge of attempted murder as his trial was about to begin in early October. He has said the shooting was an accident.

His father, Robert Leroy Lindblad, 72, pleaded guilty in 2003 to being an accessory and was sentenced to three years in prison. His mother, Shirley Royann Samantha Lindblad, 62, was sentenced to three years probation after pleading guilty to the same charge.

Stupid News Story of The Day

(I think I'll pass on the fish soda, thank you very much.)

Bottler offers salmon-flavoured drink

SEATTLE (Reuters) - For beverage connoisseurs tired of turkey-and-gravy or green-beans-and-casserole flavoured sodas, there's a new choice being offered this year by specialty U.S. soda maker Jones Soda Co.: salmon.

Jones Soda, the Seattle company that scored a hit during the last two holiday seasons with its turkey and gravy-flavoured sodas, said it is offering the orange-hued fish-flavoured drink this year in a nod to the Pacific Northwest's salmon catch.

"When you smell it, it's got that smoked salmon aroma," said Peter van Stolk, chief executive of Jones Soda.

The salmon-flavoured soda will be offered as part of a $13 "regional holiday pack" that also includes other unusual sodas such as turkey & gravy, corn on the cob, broccoli casserole and pecan pie.

While those five bottles will be offered locally, Jones Soda is also selling its similarly-priced "holiday pack" of turkey and gravy, wild herb stuffing, brussels sprout, cranberry and pumpkin pie sodas across the country.

Thanksgiving, a U.S. holiday that falls on the fourth Thursday of November, typically features a dinner with turkey, gravy and other condiments.

Van Stolk, who built his Seattle-based soda company by selling traditional sodas as well as exotic flavours such as green apple, bubblegum and crushed melon, said that "the most important thing (about Jones Soda) is that we can laugh at ourselves."

Asked whether he liked his new salmon soda, van Stolk said: "I cannot finish a bottle, I just can't."

Quips and Funny Things

Khakis: What you need to start the car in Boston.

Crick: The sound that a Japanese camera makes

Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.

A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative

Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

If electricity comes from electrons - does that mean that morality comesfrom morons?

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?

Banning the bra was a big flop.

Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

Without geometry, life is pointless.

When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

Alarms: What an octopus is.

Dockyard: A physician's garden.

Incongruous: Where bills are passed.

Pasteurize: Too far to see.

Pomp & Circus Pants... The Elephant Of Surprize

... & Ba-Dee-Be-Dee-Ba-Dee That's all folks!

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"The Muslims observe their Sabbath on Friday, the Jews observe on Saturday, and the Christians on Sunday. By the time Monday rolls around, God is completely worn out."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Anyone? Going once...going twice...ah, forget about it.)

1 Square Inch of Land for Sale at $1,500

SPENCER, Ind. - A tiny parcel of land in southwest Indiana is some of the priciest real estate in the world. Owen County officials are trying to sell a 1-square-inch plot of land for $1,500. At that rate, an acre of land would cost nearly $7 billion.

No buyers ponied up for the postage-stamp-sized plot during a tax sale.

"It's too small to plant a flower on," said Peter Dorsey, with the county's mapping department.

The parcel was originally part of a 1.12-acre tract under a separate deed, said auditor Angie Lawson. Officials think the tiny piece of land west of Bloomington was deeded to someone in the 1960s, when people had to own property to use a nearby lake.

First National Bank foreclosed on the property owner's mortgage, which covered the entire 1.12-acre tract, and the land was up for bid at the tax sale. There is a minimum bid of $1,500 for tax sale parcels.

County attorney Richard Lorenz said he wants to find a way for the county to get rid of the land and the responsibility of selling it, perhaps by giving it away.

"Maybe we could donate that 1-inch plot to Owen County Preservations as the smallest land donation in history," Lorenz said.

My new hamster, Lil Oreo - now Squeakers has a friend :)
Posted by Picasa

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Watch out, Nessie...you're next!)

Hunting Season Opens for Mythical Creature

STOCKHOLM, Sweden - A mythical monster, believed by some to have lived for hundreds of years in the murky depths of a Swedish lake, is now fair game for hunters — if they can find it. Authorities have agreed to lift its endangered species protection.

Hundreds of people claim to have spotted a large serpent-like creature in Lake Storsjon in the northwestern province of Jamtland, and in 1986 the regional council put it on a list of endangered animals.

But a government watchdog challenged the decision, saying such protection was hardly necessary for a creature whose existence has not been proven.

The regional council agreed to remove the listing this month, but declined to rule out that a monster lives in the 300-foot deep lake.

"It exists, inasmuch as it lives in the minds of people," the council's chief legal adviser Peter Lif said about the purported beast. "But I guess we'll have to agree that it cannot be proved scientifically, and then it should not be listed as an endangered species."

The so-called Storsjo monster was first mentioned in print in 1635. Hundreds of sightings have been reported since then. Some people describe the creature as a snakelike animal with a dog's head and fins on its neck. But no clear image of it has been captured on camera.

Storsjo monster aficionados said lifting the endangered species protection was a mistake, and appeared insulted by the decision.

"We are not fanatics," said Christer Berko, of the Storsjo monster association. "We see this as very interesting phenomenon that we unfortunately have not been able to document."

Finally a Friday

Oh good lord. Yesterday, I left work early because of a migraine headache. I am not normally the kind of person that caves in from pain, but I am sorry, Mr Migraine beat the crap out of me yesterday. I went home, took some painkillers, and went to bed and slept til like 7:30. Then I went back to bed around 10 and slept some more. And this morning, I had the beginnings of another headache, so I took some Advil, which will hopefully keep that sucker away. Grrrrr. I hate migraines. But they seem to love me - lol.

So, this morning I was driving to work (uh oh....here comes the road rage story and some more cussing, you say ... haha), and was fully expecting someone to piss me off, but guess what? No one pissed me off this morning! It's a miracle!!!! Maybe someone up there was feeling bad about giving me a migraine yesterday and decided to make my morning drive pleasantly pissed-off free. There is always the drive home, though ;) I am such a pessimist!

The rain finally came last night, after days of mis-forecasting. I heard it when I was getting ready for bed. So, of course, this morning there was a little bit of fog, just as I had predicted - hehe. Being that there was fog, made me all the more sure that some driver was gonna piss me off. Guess I mis-predicted that one.

In keeping with the whole driving theme, here is my new list...

List what kinds of people should never drive cars:

1.Crazy people. (guess that rules out everyone! hehe)

2. People with Alzheimer's, dementia, narcolepsy, epilepsy or other diseases that cause a person to black out or forget things.

3. People with explosive tempers.

4. People who have been drinking or doing drugs....including prescription drugs that can cause dizziness and/or drowsiness.

5. People who are too sleepy to drive.

6. People without a driver's license......duh.

7. People who are easily distracted (guess that rules out everyone, too - hehe)

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"I always take care to distinguish between maniacs and crazy people. A maniac will beat nine people to death with a steel dildo. A crazy person will beat nine people to death with a steel dildo, but he'll be wearing a Bugs Bunny suit at the time."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Whoop, there it is!!)

Calif. Motorist Struck by Flying Deer

BLACKHAWK, Calif. - Motorist Robert Brooks thought he hit a deer. That is, until he got out of his car and the deer hit him.

Brooks stopped his car Tuesday evening along a rural road 35 miles east of San Francisco to check for damage from the collision.

Nothing. No damage and no sign of the deer.

Then headlights from another car emerged and that car struck the animal, propelling it airborne into Brooks and breaking his ankle.

"He was in the wrong place at the wrong time," said California Highway Patrol Officer Steve Creel.

The deer was pronounced dead at the scene. Authorities are still looking for the driver of the second vehicle.

Go list yourself...part deux

Time for another list! Aren't you excited?? hehe

List the most exhilarating experiences you're ever had:

1. Flying on a plane for the first time.
2. Graduating from college.
3. Falling in love.
4. Seeing Yosemite Valley for the first time.
5. Riding rollercoasters.
6. Seeing the Grand Canyon for the first time.
7. Going to my first concert.
8. Swinging so high on a swing that I felt like I was touching the sky.
9. Walking on the beach.
10. Sex.
11. Riding to the top of Heavenly Valley in Tahoe on the gondolas. It was so beautiful!
12. Driving across the Golden Gate Bridge.
13. Hay fights in the barn loft with my cousins.
14. the Girl Scout trip to San Francisco.

That is all I could come up with at the time. I am sure there are many more :)

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"What is all this stuff about a kick being 'partially blocked?' It's either blocked, not blocked, or deflected. Partially blocked is like 'somewhat dead."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Polly want a ...... hehe)

Woman Arrested for Stuffing Bird Into Bra

FORT MYERS, Florida - A Florida woman has been arrested for padding her bra — with a stolen parrot.

Jill Knispel, 35, is facing felony charges after hiding a rare Greenwing parrot in her bra and stealing it from her employer, Baby Exotic Birds, police said.

Knispel allegedly stole the bird so she could trade it for a vintage 1964 Volkswagen Karmann Ghia automobile. She couldn't resist telling the car's owner how she got the animal, according to the Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission. Turns out the car's owner is friends with the man who owns the $2,000 bird.

DNA tests confirmed the bird's identity and Knispel was charged Saturday with grand theft.

"The circumstances of the case are the most bizarre I've ever encountered," said veteran wildlife investigator Lenny Barshinger.

Oh, go list yourself.

I got this book called "List Yourself." It's basically a book with a whole bunch of subjects to make lists of. It is supposed to give you a new way to discover yourself....I just like it cuz it gives me something to do - lol. Anyway, it was only $4 (I got it at Half.com), so it wasn't a big purchase. So, here is my first entry...

List the situations that always make you cry:

1. Watching a sad scene in a movie, where a character that you have grown to like dies or something sad happens to them.

2. When I am visiting someone I care about who I haven't seen in a long time, and have to leave and I know I won't see him/her again for a long time.

3. When someone I care about is in trouble, sick, dying, or hurt and I can't do anything to make them better.

4. When I feel like I have disappointed someone who means something to me.

5. When I feel extremely lonely, helpless, scared and feel like I have no one to turn to.

6. When I have lost someone I care about.

7. Breakups.

8. When I am in a lot of pain and feel like I just can't take it anymore.

9. PMS - during PMS I am bound to cry at the drop of a hat - lol

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"Where did this idea come from that if you're a celebrity, and something bad happens to you, you have to devote your life to eliminating the same problem for everyone else? Why doesn't a celebrity with milk leg ever do something about dandy fever? How about an actor with woolsorter's disease raising money for the victims of swimming pool granuloma? That's the trouble with Hollywood, no imagination."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Watch out for drunken moose.)

Two Drunken Moose Invade Home for Elderly

STOCKHOLM, Sweden - They rarely have problems with drunks or rowdy animals, but residents of an elderly home in southern Sweden had to deal with both when a pair of intoxicated moose invaded the premises.

The moose — a cow and her calf — had become drunk over the weekend by eating fermented apples they found outside the home in Sibbhult, southern Sweden, said Anna Karlsson, who works there.

Police managed to scare them off once, but the large mammals returned to get more of the tempting fruits. This time the moose were drunk and aggressive, forcing police to send for a hunter with a dog to make them leave.

Police did not pursue the culprits, but made sure all apples were picked up from the area, local police chief Bengt Hallberg said. No one was hurt.

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"Next time they give you all that civic crap about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Well, I don't have a ball, but I do have this here grenade...)

Three die playing catch with grenade

BANJA LUKA, Bosnia (Reuters) - A hand grenade being used instead of a ball in a game of catch exploded early on Saturday killing three youths in this Bosnian town, police and news agencies said.

Two youths aged 19 and 20, one of them from neighboring Croatia, were killed instantly while a 20-year-old woman died on her way to hospital, police said. Her sister was slightly injured but two other youths suffered serious injuries.

The blast occurred at 2:00 a.m. in the western town of Novi Grad at a place in the town center frequented by youngsters. Police said an inquiry was under way and declined further comment. It was not clear why the grenade exploded.

ONASA news agency quoted witnesses as saying the youths tossed the hand grenade to each other before it exploded in the hands of one of them.

Bosnia is awash with illegal weapons left over from the 1992-95 war and tragic incidents are frequent despite several successful campaigns by international peacekeepers and police to get people to hand over illegal weapons.

My hump, my hump...

Hehehe....my friend, who wishes to remain anonymous, so we'll call her "Humpy", just called me with a funny ass story. She was in sexual harassment training in Visalia today, when her cell phone rings. Now, Humpy is one of those girly-girls who has a special ring tone for her husband....and her ring tone just happens to be "My Humps" by The Black-Eyed Peas. In case you haven't heard this song, here is a little sample of the lyrics...

Whatcha gonna do with all that junk
All that junk inside that trunk

I'ma get get get get you drunk
Get you love drunk off my hump

Whatcha gonna do with all that ass
All that ass inside your jeans

I'ma make make make make you scream
Make you scream make you scream

Whatcha gonna do with all that junk
All that junk inside that trunk

I'ma get get get get you drunk
Get you love drunk off this hump

Whatcha gonna do with all that breast
All that breast inside that shirt

I'ma make make make make you work
Make you work work make you work

So......here's Humpy....listening to how to NOT sexually harass someone, ears-deep in a state-mandated sexual harassment training session, when "Whatcha gonna do with all that ass" starts blaring out of her cell phone....I about died laughing......too freakin' funny!!!!

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"I admire an intelligent man with really unattractive, badly stained and crooked teeth who makes a lot of money and still doesn't get his teeth fixed. It's an interesting choice."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(...and if anyone pees in public, chop off their wee-wee!)

Mayor: Sever Thumbs of Graffiti Artists

RENO, Nev. - Las Vegas Mayor Oscar Goodman has suggested that those who deface freeways with graffiti should have their thumbs cut off on television.

Goodman, appearing Wednesday on the "Nevada Newsmakers" television show, said, "In the old days in France, they had beheading of people who commit heinous crimes.

"You know, we have a beautiful highway landscaping redevelopment in our downtown. We have desert tortoises and beautiful paintings of flora and fauna. These punks come along and deface it.

"I'm saying maybe you put them on TV and cut off a thumb," the mayor added. "That may be the right thing to do."

Goodman also suggested that whippings or canings should be brought back for children who get into trouble.

"I also believe in a little bit of corporal punishment going back to the days of yore, where examples have to be shown," Goodman said.

"I'm dead serious," said Goodman, adding, "Some of these (children) don't learn. You have got to teach them a lesson, and this is coming from a criminal defense lawyer."

"They would get a trial first," he added.

Another panelist on the show, Howard Rosenberg, a state university system regent, responded by saying that cutting off the thumbs of taggers won't solve the problem and Goodman should "use his head for something other than a hat rack."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Maybe he should have stuck with the bicycle.)

Baggy Pants Trip Up Mich. Theft Suspect

FERNDALE, Mich. - A man suspected of stealing discs from a video store was tripped up by his baggy pants, falling twice before police captured him, authorities said.

James Green, 30, of Detroit, took about a half-dozen DVDs on Sunday night, and initially made his getaway on a bicycle, police said.

Officers spotted him in an alley, and he abandoned the bike and ran, but his pants fell to his ankles and he tripped, Ferndale Detective Sgt. Patrick Jones told The Daily Tribune of Royal Oak. "Finally, he kicked off his pants and shoes" and then jumped a fence into the backyard of a house where he was captured, Jones said.

On Monday, Green pleaded guilty to resisting arrest and retail fraud and was ordered jailed for 30 days.

Remember when....

I made a photo slide show that you can see by clicking HERE. It is too funny. Just a bunch of pictures of me, my brother, my dad and grandpa back in the old days. hehe. If nothing else, it is sure to make at least one person laugh - lol.

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"If this is the best God can do, I'm not impressed. Results like these do not belong on the resume of a supreme being. This is the kind of stuff you'd expect from an office temp with a bad attitude. In any well-managed universe, this guy would have been out on his all-powerful ass a long time ago."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(He got the dough, but didn't get his pie.)

Pizza parlor burglar gets away with dough

SAN CLEMENTE, California (Reuters) - A pizza parlor burglar who took the time to bake himself a large pepperoni to go beat it when the overnight crew arrived but still got away with plenty of dough, police said.

Authorities believe that Monday's caper in the coastal Southern California town of San Clemente may have been interrupted by an employee arriving to work at Sonny's Pizza & Pasta, forcing the would-be baker to forgo his predawn snack and flee hastily with only the restaurant's safe.

A surveillance camera captured the entire incident, and the Orange County Sheriff's Department plans on publicizing the videotape to aid their search for the thief.

The suspect entered the restaurant about 2 a.m. and rummaged around for a cook's apron, trying on several until he found one that fit, then began preparing a pepperoni pizza with all the fixings, said sheriff's spokesman Jim Amormino.

The employee arrived at about 3 a.m., found the pizza smoldering in the oven and the safe missing with an undisclosed amount of cash.

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"If everything is really the fault of a politician, where are all the bright, honest, intelligent Americans who are ready to step in and replace them? Where are these people hiding? The truth is, we don't have people like that. Everyone's at the mall, scratching his balls, and buying sneakers with lights in them. And complaining about the politicians."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(There should be a "no biting" rule at wedding receptions.)

Another Wedding Guest Loses Digit in Fight

PERRY TOWNSHIP, Mich. - For the second time in two years, a wedding reception guest in Shiawassee County has lost part of a finger during a fight.

This time, Philip L. Michalek, of Morrice, is accused of biting off the tip of another man's thumb during a scuffle Saturday night outside the Perry Township Hall, police said.

Michalek, 26, was arraigned Monday on a charge of assault with intent to do great bodily harm and jailed with bond set at $10,000. He could face 10 years in prison if convicted.

Police said Michalek was scuffling with Ryan Dickey, 23, of Grand Ledge, in the parking lot when the incident occurred.

Dickey was taken to a Lansing hospital, but doctors could not reattach the severed part of his thumb, police and prosecutors said. He has since been released from the hospital.

State police Detective Sgt. Mark Pendergraff said Michalek and Dickey had a dispute and went to the parking lot. "They got into a scuffle, and the victim's thumb ended up in the suspect's mouth," he told The Flint Journal.

In August 2003, a wedding guest was arrested after biting off part of a man's finger, biting the thumb of the bridegroom and knocking down the bridegroom's mother during a fracas involving several people outside a wedding hall in Corunna.

In that case, the guest pleaded no contest to assault and battery and felonious assault and was sentenced to two to four years in prison.

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"I often hear otherwise intelligent people complaining about drivers who slow down when driving past a traffic accident. They curse them and call them "rubberneckers." I don't understand this at all. I am never in too big a hurry that I can't stop and watch someone else's suffering."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(The spell must have worked.)

Dutch Witches Get Tax Break for Studies

APPELSCHA, Netherlands - Dutch witches are getting a tax break. A court has ruled that the cost of witchcraft lessons can be taken as a tax deduction.

Learning to cast spells and brew potions doesn't come cheap. Margarita Rongen runs the "Witches Homestead" in a northern province. Her witchcraft workshops cost more than $200 a weekend or more than $2,600 for a full course.

Rongen says she been a witch for 38 years and has a duty to pass along her knowledge. She notes her black cauldron and crystal ball stand at the ready for the next full moon.

Cobwebs cling from the wooden rafters. Dusty shelves are cluttered with glass jars of home-brewed potions, dried herbs and stone amulets. An oil cooker and a black cauldron sit in the corner, ready for the next full moon. This isn't a Halloween party, it's Margarita Rongen's year-round workshop and she is a witch — according to her tax return.

Dutch witches were guaranteed a financial treat when the Leeuwarden District Court reaffirmed their legal right to write off the costs of schooling — including in witchcraft — against their tax bills. Those costs run to thousands of dollars.

The court found on Sept. 23 that a witch can declare schooling costs if it increases the likelihood of employment and personal income.

Rongen, a mother of two grown children, runs a school for witches, the "Witches Homestead," in the northern Friesland province of the Netherlands. She has trained more than 160 disciples over the past four decades in "a religion that is older than Christianity," she said.

Courses are held 13 weekends a year closest to a full moon when outdoor rituals are practiced and potions boiled. Participants learn healing with herbs and stones, divination and fortunetelling with crystal balls and hieroglyphs, and how to make potions.

The cost is $206 per weekend, including reading material, lodgings and the tools needed for witchcraft. The full course of 13 weekends runs $2,678 and is open to women and men over 18.

"Once you have become a witch ... you can pass along the things you have learned," said Rongen. "I have been a witch for 38 years and learned it from my father."

Lawmaker Pieter Omtzigt was astounded to hear that the state was funding witchcraft and asked for clarification.

He got an answer to his question last week in a letter from Junior Finance Minister Joop Wijn, saying that "Under the circumstances, the cost of a course to become a witch qualifies as school fees."

Rongen invited Omtzigt to visit her.

"If he would come here and try the divination rod and see how important it is to find things, see that it isn't pleasant to have earth radiation in your house, feel the forces of the earth, that would be magnificent."

I've been riding on the railroad...

I went for a train ride this weekend. It was my first time ever riding on a train. It was awesome! I posted pics on my other blog, which you can go to by clicking HERE.

Blast From The Past

I don't know if anyone remembers Chinese Jacks, but I do. It was one of those 80's fads. What you did was to buy a package of colored rings, which you would hook together to a central ring. I don't really remember how to play though, but it seemed to me that you would put one jack in the palm of your hand and toss it up and try to cath it on the back of your hand. If you did that, then you went to two, then three, etc. I remember being quite good at it though. I wish I still knew how to play! lol.

Stupid News Story of The Day

(...oh yeah...and about my gas line...)

Pa. Gas Company Callers Get Sex-Talk Line

WASHINGTON, Pa. - Instead of information about a utility bill, callers to phone numbers listed for a local gas company get an offer for a different kind of service.

Colombia Gas customers in Washington found that two numbers listed in the Yellow Book USA don't go to the utility, but instead reach a message directing them to a sex-talk line.

"I mean, how can this happen?" said Helen George, an Amity resident who tried to call Columbia's office in Washington but reached the Intimate Encounters line.

Officials from Columbia Gas said the numbers were from a former office and should have been changed.

Intimate Encounters makes a habit of using well-known numbers and in the past has bought the use of an old Florida Fish and Wildlife Commission number set up to report injured or dead manatees and toll-free numbers that used to belong to the Policy Review journal, the World Wildlife Fund and rape crisis lines in Maine and Arizona.

You're the United Nations!
Most people think you're ineffective, but you are trying to completely save the world from itself, so there's always going to be a long way to go. You're always the one trying to get friends to talk to each other, enemies to talk to each other, anyone who can to just talk instead of beating each other about the head and torso. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't, and you get very schizophrenic as a result. But your heart is in the right place, and sometimes also in New York.
Take the Country Quizat the Blue Pyramid

Things that make you go....BOO!

It is almost Halloween, so, of course, it is spooooooooooky time. Makes me think of scary movies and all those things that go bump in the night. I decided to make up a list of 20 of my favorite horror movie moments....the ones that really got me good....

(* warning - there are movie spoilers in here, so if you haven't seen the movies, then you might not want to read anymore - hehe)

1) The Excorcist....Regan's head spinning around....projectile vomiting....pretty much that whole movie is freaky-scary.

2) Alien - when everyone is at the table eating and talking and all of a sudden Kane starts choking and convulsing, and then WHAM....alien comes out of his gut. Great one!

3) Poltergeist - When Robbie looks under his bed and then sits back up, and there is that evil clown doll. That scene scared me shitless when I was a kid.

4) The Amityville Horror - when the priest is in the house and he hears that horrible voice saying "Get out!" - that one still gives me chills.

5) Psycho - 2 scenes here....the famous shower scene (no explanation needed) and the final scene where you find out that Norman's mother is really nothing but a pile of bones....then you see just how whacked out Norman Bates really is.

6) Rosemary's Baby - the final scene where you see the baby's eyes.....ewwww!!

7) Halloween - When Annie is in the car and sees the fogged up window...you just know there is gonna be trouble!

8) Suspiria - in the beginning, when you see the eyes from out of the darkness of the window....scary!!!!

9) The Grudge - just the way that woman moves gives me the chills.

10) The Ring - when Samara comes out of the tv....made me look at tv's in a whole new way.

11) Friday the 13th - When Alice is on the lake at the end and everything seems peaceful and good, and then WHAM....up comes Jason.

12) A Nightmare on Elm Street - When Tina is getting whacked and climbing up the walls and you can see the cuts appearing on her skin but there's no one there.

13) Scream - the entire first scene where Drew Barrymore gets it.

14) Raiders of The Lost Ark - ok, so it's not a horror movie, but toward the end when those guys' faces start to melt, well, that is pretty freaky.

15) Texas Chainsaw Massacre - that whole movie is chalk-full of scary goodness.

16) Phantasm - the end when The Tall Man comes out of the mirror and grabs Mike.

17) Carrie - At the end when Sue is visiting Carrie White's "grave" and puts the flowers down.....and up comes Carrie's hand.

18) Jaws - when Hooper goes down to see the wrecked boat and pulls the shark tooth out of the hull, then the head of the dead body pops up ....BOO!

19) The Evil Dead - Cheryl and the tree - nuff said.

20) Night of The Living Dead - the scene with Barbara and Johnny and Johnny is attacked by the zombie - I didn't see that one coming.

Honorable Mention - The Birds - when Melanie is sitting outside the school and the crows start gathering up on the jungle gym...and little, by little, more and more gather up until they....... attack!

I am sure I missed a bunch of good moments, but these are probably my favorites.

Stupid News Story of The Day

(I want my mommy!)

Robber Blames Crime on Missing His Mother

EVANSVILLE, Ind. - A man who led police on a high-speed chase after a bank robbery in May says he was driven to commit the robbery because he missed his mother.

Terrence Lee Mackey, 63, during a sentencing hearing Wednesday, blamed the crime on the federal prison system, saying officials refused to jail him near his mother in Florida after he violated parole in 1982.

"I wouldn't be standing here today if I'd been sent to Florida like I asked," Mackey said.

U.S. District Judge Richard L. Young sentenced Mackey to 29 years in prison. He said he didn't trust old age to stop Mackey from committing more crimes.

Mackey and William "Ricky" Herrell were arrested after the white Corvette they were driving crashed into a river levee as they fled from police.

During the sentencing hearing, Mackey said he was leaning out of the window of the getaway car, firing two handguns at police. He claimed he did it in self-defense.

"The police were shooting at me," Mackey said.

Herrell, 26, is awaiting trial in the case.

New page

You can click HERE to see my Yahoo 360 page, or HERE to see my Myspace page. It's fun, fun for everyone! hehe

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"A meltdown sounds like fun. Like some kind of cheese sandwich."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(You know you're a bad shot when you miss a cow...twice.)

Cow slaughter backfires for man

SYDNEY (Reuters) - A man who twice missed while trying to shoot a friend's cow only to accidentally shoot a passer-by in the leg was fined Wednesday for what an Australian court described as a freak accident.

Rudolf Stadler, 61, agreed in April last year to shoot the troublesome cow which belonged to a friend who owns a hobby farm at Caboolture in tropical Queensland state.

Stadler lured the cow to a shed, and then took aim with his rifle. He missed. He took aim a second time, fired and missed again.

The second shot went through the back of the shed, a fence across a paddock and then through the door of a car being driven along a road behind the farm.

The bullet hit 46-year-old Carrie Tunning in the leg, the Brisbane District Court heard. Tunning, a passenger in the car, made a full recovery but Stadler was so distressed by the incident that he handed in his firearms license.

The court fined Stadler A$1,000 and banned him from obtaining another gun license for five years.

The cow was not so lucky, with Stadler eventually finding his mark.

Take the 80's Pop Quiz

I got 86.2% - hehe

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"The bigger they are, the worse they smell."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Able to leap building in a single bound? Not so much.)

'Superman' Hospitalized After Leap

GRAZ, Austria - A man who claimed he was Superman and could fly was hospitalized early Tuesday after leaping from a fourth-floor window, authorities said.

Paramedics rushed the 23-year-old man to a hospital in the city of Graz, about 120 miles south of Vienna, after he jumped from a window and suffered head and back injuries, police said.

They said the man — who apparently had drunk several bottles of red wine before attempting the jump — appeared at the window ledge at around 4 a.m. and shouted: "I am Superman! Nothing can happen to me!"

The jumper, whose name was not released, landed on part of a lower section and roof, sparing him from more serious injuries, authorities said.

Weekend Trip

I went to the Santa Barbara Zoo on Saturday. Of course, I took pictures and you can see them by clicking here. There was a crooked-necked giraffe there, a poop-eating gorilla, and 2 very amorous leopards. It was quite a trip - lol.

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"Many people work on war plans; not too many work on peace plans. They even have a war college at Ft. McNair, Washington. They call it the National Defense University, but it's a war college. They don't have a peace college."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(And in the end, the soda bottle is mightier than the gun.)

Bottle ends shooting spree

MANILA (Reuters) - A German man killed two men and wounded two others with a pistol in a farming town in the northern Philippines before he was knocked unconscious with a soft drink bottle, police said Tuesday.

The trouble began when a 51-year-old German national who is married to a Filipino woman was summoned to the community hall to answer complaints from his neighbors accusing him of issuing threats Sunday.

During a heated argument with his four neighbors, the man pulled out a .45 caliber pistol and began shooting at people inside the hall, said Jefferson Soriano, chief of police in the northern Cagayan Valley region.

"The village chief and his deputy were killed on the spot," Soriano told reporters. "Two of his four neighbors were shot in the head and neck, while the others scampered for safety."

Soriano said the German man chased and shot at those who tried to escape. He was subdued after the wife of one of his neighbors hit him in the head with a soft drink bottle.

Police officers found the man still unconscious and took him to hospital. He now faces murder charges.

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Need more proof that people are idiots?)

Man Accused of Placing Lewd Photos on Cars

WEST BEND, Wis. - A 40-year-old man faces charges accusing him of placing photographs of his genitalia on the cars of women who parked at shopping centers.

The criminal complaint filed Thursday against Jeffrey J. Hein of Hartford said he told investigators he placed the photos on their cars because he thought they "would find it funny."

Hein was charged Thursday in Washington County Circuit Court with eight counts of lewd and lascivious behavior and five counts of disorderly conduct, all misdemeanors.

The complaint alleges Hein placed the photographs on cars seven different times, with the first occurring on Aug. 25 at a ShopKo store in West Bend and the most recent Tuesday at Hobby Lobby in West Bend.

Other episodes allegedly occurred at Paradise Golf, a Wal-Mart, a Kmart and a Sally Beauty Supply Store, all in West Bend, according to the complaint.

Assistant District Attorney Holly Bunch told Circuit Judge Annette Ziegler during a hearing Thursday at which bail was set at $3,000 that at least 14 additional charges would be filed Friday against Hein.

Other charges could also be filed in other counties, Bunch said.

The criminal complaint said Hein told investigators he was inspired by a pornographic Web site to photograph his private parts and then sell the pictures to the Web site.

But, when he was unable to do that, he "came up with the idea to play a joke on strangers" by putting the photographs in envelopes and attaching them to cars belonging to women, whom he picked at random whenever he went shopping, the complaint said.

Authorities said the vehicles belonged to women ranging in age from their teens to the mid-40s.

Investigators said Hein told them some of the women laughed when they looked at the photos.

If convicted on all counts filed Thursday, Hein could be imprisoned up to five years and nine months and fined up to $85,000. His next court appearance is scheduled Wednesday.

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Oops! Our bad....seems to be the theme of the week)

Dead man gets parking ticket from Australian cops

SYDNEY (Reuters) - Australian authorities have apologised to the family of an elderly man who was given a parking ticket while he lay dead in his car in a suburban shopping centre.

The 71-year-old man, known to be seriously ill, went missing nine days ago and his body was found in his car in a shopping mall car park in a Melbourne suburb, police said.

A parking ticket had been placed on the car the day before his body was found.

"It's just tragic. It must be just so sad for the family and we extend our sincere sympathies to them," local mayor Paul Denham told Australian Broadcasting Corp. radio on Friday.

"The circumstances surrounding the location of this poor fellow must make it all the harder for the family. It is simply a case of the parking officer not noticing."

Oh, lazy me

Well, I haven't written too much personal stuff in this here blog lately. I have been using my Myspace Blog more for the personal stuff. You can see that here if you want. I will post more stuff in here soon. I have just been lazy and in a funk - lol.

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"Just think, right now, all over the world there are people exercising bad judgment. Somebody, right this minute, is probably making the mistake of his life."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Isn't it ironic, don't you think?)

New Anti-Dog Bill Put to Test in N.M.

ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. - The author of a new state law that allows felony charges against owners of dangerous dogs was hospitalized over the weekend — after his own dog attacked him.

Bob Schwartz, who also is Gov. Bill Richardson's crime adviser, was hospitalized at University of New Mexico Hospital on Sunday night with bites on both his arms, said Pahl Shipley, a spokesman for the governor.

The hospital declined to release Schwartz's condition, but Shipley said Schwartz is "going to be fine."

Schwartz has three dogs registered with the city: a boxer and two English bulldogs, said Denise Wilcox, who oversees Albuquerque's animal care centers.

Schwartz was instrumental in getting a law passed this year that would allow felony charges against owners of dogs deemed dangerous or potentially dangerous and that seriously injure or kill another animal or person.

The law was designed to make dog owners accountable, said Sen. Sue Wilson Beffort, who worked with Schwartz to pass the bill.

"But I guess when it happens in your own family, that's another story," she said. "That's tragic."

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"I thought it would be nice to get a job at a duty-free shop, but it doesn't sound like there's a whole lot to do in a place like that."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Oops! Our bad!)

Half-century in mental asylum a mistake

SILCHANG, India (Reuters) - More than half-a-century ago, Machal Lalung was thought to be insane and sent to a mental asylum in India's remote northeast.

A few months ago, he was set free after the National Human Rights Commission found that healthcare authorities had made a mistake and Lalung suffered only from epilepsy.

Lalung's confinement for 54 years has shocked rights activists and mental health experts in a country where it is not uncommon for people to be branded insane and locked up in homes or asylums for months, if not a few years.

"Machal Lalung's case was not in our knowledge but once it was brought to our notice, we immediately completed all legal formalities to secure his release," Assam's Home Minister Rokybul Hussain told Reuters.

"I am really sorry for him," he said.

That comes as small consolation for the 77-year-old frail tribal man, who was 23 when he was sent to the state-run mental hospital in the Assamese city of Tezpur.

Fifty-four years with psychiatric patients has dulled his senses, made him forget his family, his tribal dialect and even the taste of the food he liked.

His life before entering the asylum is nothing but a blip in his memory. So is the story of how and who brought him to the mental home. Doctors who treated Lalung have retired and records about him are missing.

Today Lalung said he awaits peace in death.

"I feel sad at what happened to my life but there is no use grumbling now. I am just waiting for death," he told Reuters at his nephew's home in Silchang village, about 55 miles east of Assam's main city of Guwahati.

"Initially, I used to miss my family and always begged my wardens to send me home. But they never listened to me," he said with tears in his eyes.

Lalung's only family members -- his father and elder sister -- are dead. He lives with his sister's son who grew up listening to stories about his uncle's disappearance.

It was in fact the nephew who managed to trace Lalung after a man from their village had gone to the same mental hospital for treatment and saw Lalung.

"It was very difficult to stay with insane people in the same room but gradually I got used to it," Lalung said.

Today, despite his poor health, Lalung likes to work in a small vegetable garden outside the house, carrying a spade and a pouch containing a tobacco and betel nut snack to chew.

Although there were many women in the hospital, Lalung never tried to make friends with them or consider marriage.

"Who would want to marry an insane woman?" he asks.

Death Valley Trip

We went to Death Valley this weekend. I posted pics and wrote all about the trip on my other blog. Click on the link and it will take you there :)

Stupid News Story of The Day

(I guess he was REALLY hungry)

After Burger King Crash, Man Parks, Eats

WAUSAU, Wis. - A man whose car ran into the front entry of a fast-food restaurant backed away, parked and went in for breakfast, officials say.

Police Patrol Inspector Bryan Hilts said 78-year-old Rouland Steppert's car struck the glass entryway of the downtown Burger King Friday.

After he backed up, parked and went inside, he was served his food, and police called to the scene found him eating at a table.

General manager Kathy Fasse declined to say what he ordered.

By lunchtime, glass and other debris had been cleared away and customers were able to use the normal entry.

Because the accident was on private property, the man was not cited, Hilt said.

No phone listing could be found for Steppert when The Associated Press tried to reach him for comment Monday night.

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"Gymnastics are not a sport because Romanians are good at it. It took me a long time to come up with that rule, but I did it."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(I don't get mad, I get stabby!)

Fla. Worker Stabbed in Microwave Dispute

TAMARAC, Fla. - Things got very ugly at a Walgreens when police said one employee stabbed a co-worker over who could microwave her soup first.

Both women wanted to use the microwave in the employee break room Wednesday afternoon, according to the Broward County Sheriff's Office.

While they were fighting over who could use the microwave first, Mellesia Grant grabbed a large kitchen knife off the counter and stabbed Merloze Tilme in the abdomen, the sheriff's office said.

"They didn't get along to begin with. Who could use the microwave first became a major issue," Broward County Sheriff's Office spokesman Jim Leljedal said.

The two women then wrestled for the knife, each cutting their hands, before the store manager could stop the fight, Leljedal said.

Tilme, 20, was hospitalized in good condition, officials said.

Grant, 23, of North Lauderdale, was charged with aggravated battery with a deadly weapon after being treated at a hospital for her wounds, officials said.

How Smilies Are Made

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Insert witty comment here)

Man coughs up screw after operation

BRUSSELS (Reuters) - Four years ago, Etienne Verhees broke two vertebrae falling off a ladder, after which doctors put a metal plate in his neck to help heal the wound.

This week, the Belgian coughed up one of four screws used to hold the plate in place.

"I have had a cold for the past few days," Verhees told daily Gazet Van Antwerpen. "I had a terrible cough a few days ago. That's when I suddenly felt something in my mouth.

"It turned out to be a screw."

One of the doctors involved told the paper he assumed the screw had moved because of an infection Verhees suffered following a second operation, which caused his neck to swell.

New Burger King Commercial

I decided to make up my own version of the BK Commercial....hehe

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"The older I get, the more certain I am that I will not have to spend the rest of my life in prison."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Guess she got the last laugh.)

Burglar, scared by corpse, phones police

AMSTERDAM (Reuters) - A Dutch burglar phoned police after fleeing in panic when he found the corpse of an 89-year-old woman in a house he broke into in The Hague.

Police said they were still searching for the burglar who "got the fright of his life."

"He said he was the burglar and that he found a corpse," a police spokesman said. "He found the mortal remains in one of the rooms and left the home to call emergency number 112."

Police were investigating if anything was stolen and believed the woman may have been dead for some time.

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

It's Not a Sport

"Field hockey and fencing are activities, not sports. These activities aren't sports, because you can't gamble on them. Anything you can't gamble on can't be a sport. When was the last time you made a fencing bet?"

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Maybe he should have tried raising chickens instead.)

Farmer eaten by own animals

BEIJING (Reuters) - A Chinese man who raised bears to tap them for their bile, prized as a traditional medicine in Asia, has been killed and eaten by his animals, Xinhua news agency said on Tuesday.

Six black bears attacked keeper Han Shigen as he was cleaning their pen in the northeastern province of Jilin on Monday, Xinhua said.

"The ill-fated man died on the spot and was eaten up by the ferocious bears," it said, citing a report in the Beijing News.

In practices decried by animal rights groups, bile is extracted through surgically implanted catheters in the bear's gall bladders, or by a "free-dripping" technique by which bile drips out through holes opened in the animals' abdomens.

More than 200 farms in China keep about 7,000 bears to tap their bile, which traditional Chinese medicine holds can cure fever, liver illness and sore eyes.

Bear farming was far more widespread before the cruelty involved came to light and Beijing introduced regulations to control the industry in 1993.

Animal welfare groups have called on China to completely ban bear farming, arguing that traditional herbal medicines can serve the same purposes as bear bile.

Xinhua said police sent to the scene of Monday's killing injected one of the bears with tranquillisers "but failed to tame the mad animal".

Police then threw meat into the bears' pen to distract them so they could recover Han's remains, it said without elaborating.

Spoooooooooky page

Yes, I changed my template ..... again. This time to reflect the Halloween mood. Isn't it spooooooky?

Blast From The Past

I remember playing this game at my friend's birthday party when I was in maybe 1st or 2nd grade. This was a popular game back then, and I can even remember the commercial theme song....Hungry, hungry hippos.....hungry, hungry hippos! The whole object of the game was to "eat" as many of the 20 white marbles as you could, and the one who "ate" the most marbles was the winner. To make the hippos "eat," you had to press down on their tails, which would make their mouths open up. The hippos even had names...Henry, Homer, Happy and Harry. I never actually owned this game, but I sure wanted it! Luckily, my friend had it and we played it often.

Kim's Law #12

Whenever I see a big bee or wasp flying near me, I can be sure of one thing...no matter how many flowers or trees are around, it will always pick my butt to land on.

King's Canyon Trip

We went to King's Canyon this weekend. I posted new pictures here. I had a blast! I also had this incident where a huge wasp-like bug landed on my butt and freaked me out - hehe. I am now known as the Butt Bee Girl. Yep...a new nickname - lol. Next weekend, it looks like we're heading on out to Death Valley. It is bound to be hotter than heck there, even in October. But at least Chris is going with me, and he has been there a few times on Geology trips through college, so he knows where the cool spots are (no, not cool as in lower temperatures, hehehe). Last time I went, it was only for an hour or 2 and I went by myself. It should be a cool trip :)

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"You learn something new everyday. Actually, you learn something old everyday. Just because you just learned it, doesn't mean it's new. Other people already knew it. Columbus is a good example of this."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Maybe he just didn't have any clean clothes)

No Shirt, No Shoes and No Pants Means Jail

CLEARFIELD, Utah - No shirt, no shoes — and no pants — has landed a Utah man in legal trouble. Last month the 51-year-old Sunset man allegedly entered a local convenience store in the buff on multiple occasions. Clearfield Police say in August he also made a trip through a restaurant drive-thru, au naturel.

City prosecutors have charged the man in justice court with misdemeanor lewdness. But now the Davis County District Attorney's office is investigating allegations of witness tampering, which could result in third-degree felony charges.

Police say that over the past week, the man has telephoned the same convenience store, asking for permission to enter the business naked.

He was attempting to talk clerks out of testifying against him, said Greg Krusi, assistant police chief for Clearfield.

Clerks called police, who kept watch outside the store. They witnessed the man approach the business, strip down and walk inside, Krusi said.

Krusi said officers arrested the man and booked him into the Davis County jail for allegedly driving under the influence, lewdness and telephone harassment.

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Should give the term "Magic Kingdom" a whole new meaning)

London to Get Sexual 'Theme Park'

LONDON - Move over, Eros. Developers announced plans Friday to open a multimillion dollar sexual "theme park" near London's Piccadilly Circus, home to the much-photographed statue of the Greek god of love.

Backers say the London Academy of Sex and Relationships, due to open next spring, will not be a sleazy sex museum, but an educational multimedia attraction that will teach visitors to become better lovers and provide valuable information about disease and sexual problems.

Located within the Trocadero entertainment center — just around the corner from Soho, London's red-light district — the $8.3 million project will feature unspecified "high tech and interactive exhibits."

Alex Rayner, a spokesman for the project, said it was "committed to avoiding the sleazy image that the sex industry usually conjures."

"Titillation is not the goal," he said. "It's meant to be educational. It's meant to be informative."

The privately funded project has support from sexual health organizations including the Sexual Dysfunction Association and AIDS charity The Terrence Higgins Trust.

"It is long overdue that the U.K. faces up to its responsibilities in the sexual arena — we cannot simply avoid mankind's leading preoccupation and the issues that go with it," said the academy's director of exhibits, Dr. Sarah Brewer. "The academy is the perfect vehicle by which to address these important matters in an exciting, amusing and yet educational way."

Several cities around the world — including New York, Amsterdam, Barcelona and Paris — are home to erotic museums. Typically, they exhibit everything from pornography to high-minded paintings exploring local sexual attitudes and culture.

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"You can skip tellin' me about the Chevrolet Player of the Game. A thousand-dollar contribution to a scholarship fund in the athlete's name. A thousand dollars won't even keep a kid in decent drugs for one semester."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Never underestimate the powers of the handicapped)

Police: Man in Wheelchair Steals Squad Car

RIALTO, Calif. - A disabled man in a wheelchair, arrested for allegedly trying to steal a power saw at Home Depot, managed to slip out of his handcuffs and steal the squad car he was placed in.

Phillip Anthony Moreno, 44, a parolee with a previous $200,000 warrant for his arrest, has eluded capture.

Moreno and girlfriend Denise Marie Vasquez, 35, were taken into custody about 3 p.m. Tuesday by Home Depot security officers after they allegedly tried to steal a hand-held electric saw, Sgt. Randy DeAnda said.

"He had been sitting on it. It was under him on the chair," the sergeant said.

When police officers arrived, they arrested Moreno and Vasquez and placed them in separate patrol cars. Moreno's wheelchair was put the squad car's trunk and the arresting officers stepped away to search the couple's car.

DeAnda said Moreno got out of the handcuffs, crawled through the security barrier window opening separating the front and back seat and got behind the wheel of the squad car.

Moreno drove away, the sergeant said, noting he has a bad leg.

The police car was found several hours later abandoned in Bloomington. The wheelchair was missing from the trunk.

Vasquez was booked and remains in custody, DeAnda said.

Yawnnnnnnnnnn

I so sleepy. I can't keep my eyes open. It is only 1:15 pm. I still have over 4 hours left to work today. Where is the No-Doze when you need it????

Blast From The Past

Remember this stuff? My mom would never buy this stuff for me, so I had to have my grandma buy it for me, or I had to use my money to get some and then hide it so my mom wouldn't see. Why? Because it was nothing but flavored and colored sugar that came with 2 big, fat sticks of sugar which were supposed to be your "dipping sticks." Yep...sugar plus more sugar. That is a sure way to get any kid hyped up. The "Lik Stiks," as they were called, were kinda nasty tasting on their own. You needed to put them in the Fun Dip so that they would get some kind of flavor. Some people liked to eat the sticks, while others, like me, threw them away. Nasty! The Fun Dip had the consistency of sand, which was what made it so fun! I believe they still sell this stuff at candy shops. So if you see some in a candy store, pick up a packet and have at it, and prepare to get a sugar high.

Link:
Lik Em Aid

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Revenge, he said...revenge!)

He should have taken a gander upwards

STOCKHOLM (Reuters) - A Swedish hunter was knocked unconscious after his son shot a flying Canadian goose which then fell onto his head, news agency TT reported Wednesday.

"I guess it wanted revenge," hunter Ulf Ilback told local newspaper Extra Ostergotland, according to TT.

Ilback said he had to stay in bed for two days after being knocked out by the goose, which fell from around 60 feet. The birds can weigh up 13 pounds.

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"I don't like it when I'm in an audience and the emcee tells us to give someone a welcome specific to that city. 'Let's all get together and give this little lady a nice Toledo welcome.' I've often thought if I were from Toledo it would be fun now and then to give someone a Baltimore welcome, just to break the emcee's balls. Or maybe slip in an exotic Budapest welcome when no one is expecting it. One thing I would never do is give someone a Dallas welcome. That's what JFK got. Dallas welcomes don't last too long."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Oops...our bad.)

Dutch police raid pensioner's flat by accident

AMSTERDAM (Reuters) - Dutch police stormed into an 80-year-old woman's flat, startling her in her sleep, after neighbours mistook her protest over a broken elevator as a plea to be rescued.

"The lady had hung up a banner on her balcony saying: 'Help, I am locked up!' and worried residents in the neighbourhood called the police," police spokesman Frans van Rijnswou said on Monday.

Pensioner Philomena Priem, who has difficulties walking and lives on the seventh floor in a flat in the town of Zoetermeer, put up the banner to complain about maintenance work to an elevator that prevented her from coming and going when she wanted.

Sequoias

We went camping over the weekend in Sequoia National Park. You can see the pictures here.

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"Every time you use the phrase all my life it has a different meaning."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Here's a tip: If you have an illegal job, it is best not to talk about it with the media.)

Media boasts land top hooker in jail

NEW YORK (Reuters) - A $2,000 an hour prostitute known as New York's No. 1 Escort pleaded not guilty on Thursday to charges of money laundering and prostitution that stemmed from her bragging in the media about her work.

Canadian Natalia McLennan, 25, sobbed uncontrollably in Manhattan Criminal Court after she was unable to post $50,000 bail and was taken away in handcuffs to jail.

The charges against McLennan came after she bragged in several interviews about her professional exploits, including posing provocatively for the cover of New York Magazine under the headline "N.Y.'s # 1 Escort Reveals All."

In that interview, she told the magazine she generated revenues of $1.5 million annually and kept 45 percent of that sum in return for having sex with high-roller clients of NY Confidential, a swanky Moroccan-themed brothel in Manhattan.

McLennan showed up for her arraignment dressed in a skimpy mini-skirt, a see-through blouse and four-inch spike heels, and told the court she had no idea she would remain in custody after the hearing. She wailed as she was taken from the courtroom.

She will remain in jail pending her next hearing on Monday. She faces up to 15 years in prison if convicted.