Stupid News Story of The Day

(Here's a tip...don't advertise that you are doing something illegal.)

Alleged Crack Dealer Uses Business Cards

LEAVENWORTH, Kan. - The business cards got a response, but surely not what their owner had in mind when he had them printed up.

They came to the attention of Leavenworth police, who used them to make a drug arrest last week.

Sylvester J. Williams, 21, of Leavenworth, was charged Monday with possessing crack cocaine with the intent to sell it, Maj. Patrick Kitchens of the Leavenworth Police Department said.

Kitchens said Williams remained in custody Wednesday on $75,000 bond.

He said police had heard for some time that Williams had been selling drugs in the area. "Then we heard that he was handing out business cards," the officer said. "In the course of our investigation we were fortunate to come up with one, and we gave him a call."

Kitchens said the business card had an image of what appeared to be an alarm clock being hit by a boxing glove and said: "For a quick hit on time call the boss."

"When he answered, we agreed to buy some crack from him, we went up there, and we arrested him," Kitchens said.

The arrest was made Friday.

"It makes our job considerably easier when they advertise and let us know where to get ahold of them," Kitchens said.

___

Information from: The Kansas City Star, http://www.kansascity.com

101 Ways To Annoy People

1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."

3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."

5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.

7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.

8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".

10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.

11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

12. Sniffle incessantly.

13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

14. Name your dog "Dog."

15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."

18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".

19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."

20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.

21. Practice making fax and modem noises.

22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.

23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."

26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."

27. Wear a special hip holster for yourremote control.

28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.

29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.

31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.

32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

34. Drum on every available surface.

35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.

36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.

37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.

38. Sew anti-theft detector stripsinto peoples backpacks.

39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

41. Set alarms for random times.

42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.

43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.

44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.

45. Honk and wave to strangers.

46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.

47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.

49. Wear your pants backwards.

50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.

51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"

52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.

53. only type in lowercase.

54. dont use any punctuation either

55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.

57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.

60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.

61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."

62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.

63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."

66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.

68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."

69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.

73. Drive half a block.74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

75. Ask people what gender they are.

76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.

77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.

78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".

79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.

80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.

81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."

84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.

86. Wear a LOT of cologne.

87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."

88. Sing along at the opera.

89. Mow your lawn with scissors.

90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"

91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."

92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter somethingabout "psychological profiles."

94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."

95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

96. Never make eye contact.

97. Never break eye contact.

98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.

99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.

100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.

101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

Rhonette, Hot Tamales and road raging...

I think it is safe to take out my earplugs now. Last night's episode of American Idol is over, yet it is still ringing in my head. There were some good performances...the National Guard man who did "Let's Get It On" and danced with Paula was pretty good, as were the blond girl whose mom left when she was 2 and is now living with her grandfather and the girl who lived in 42 foster homes over her life...they were great. But that last chick, Rhonette (I will never forget her name) was terrible! Then she had the audacity to blast all the judges for giving her the boot. Hell, if I had been there, I woulda kicked her ass. First off, she dresses like Lil Kim (looked like her, too, kind of) and expects people to respect her. I kept waiting for her top to fall down. That thing looked like it was holding on for dear life. Next, she storms off cussing like a little kid. Yeah, that's the way to get some respect. NOT!

Then there were the unintentionally comedic performances. Like that skinny white Michael Jackson wannabe and that dude who supposedly used Randy and Paula's American Idol DVD to learn how to sing ...oh my gosh. If that is what listening to that DVD does to you, then keep it far away from me! Then there was that dude that Simon said looked like The Incredible Hulk's wife...and you know what??? HE DID!!!! I was laughing my ass off! Simon may be harsh, but goshdarnit, it is the truth.

Anyway, I finally put my Christmas tree and decorations away. Finally. It only took me a month - lol. Yes, I am that lazy. I like putting decorations up...I just hate taking them down. My living room looks so bare without my tree in there...poor room.

On a side note, aren't crossing guards supposed to be outside helping kids to cross the street in the morning? That is what I always thought they were supposed to do. Well, then how come I never see this crossing guard near my house actually outside? I always see him inside his car, even when there are kids around. Hmmm.....Could he be slacking? I think so.

I love Hot Tamales...No, there's no point to this...just thought I would let everyone know.

I had a road raging incident this morning...yes, I am back to my old self. I was driving down the road, minding my own business, when this asshole comes out of nowhere and cuts me off. Apparently, he was in the far left lane then suddenly decided that he wanted to turn right, so he cuts across the lanes and right in front of me. And no, there was no one behind me. He could have easily pulled in behind me, but NOOOO. He had to choose to cut in front of me, almost giving me a heart attack. GRRRRR!! I honked my horn at him and flipped him the bird. I hope he gets a speeding ticket someday...I hope.

I got a phone call from my next client saying he was gonna be late. That is why I had time to blog this morning. He should be here soon, so I gots to go back to work.

Ain't work a bitch?

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"Our birthday party theme for this year's party is 'The Little Mermaid.' My wife was happy about this until she found out that another girl in our daughter's preschool class is having a birthday party two months before our daughter's, and her theme is ALSO 'The Little Mermaid.' It's the kind of nightmare you think always happens to other people, but never to you. The other girl's parents are very nice people, but because they used my wife's theme, she views them as the enemy. She fears that their party will be better than ours, and these fears worsened when we got to the enemy house and discovered that the enemy mom had used a professional party planner, who had not only done serious undersea decorations involving gauze, but had also provided, for entertainment, a mermaid, a pirate, AND a sea goddess. ' A sea goddess!' my wife said, and the despair in her voice was real."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(In times like this, you can depend on Depends.)

A really, really no-frills ride...

BEIJING (Reuters) - Migrant workers in south China are wearing adult diapers on packed trains heading home for the Lunar New Year holiday because they have no access to a toilet, state media said Tuesday.

About 120 million peasants from China's vast rural areas swarm the cities for work and all try to make it home for the holiday, filling all standing room on trains and making access to the toilet impossible during trips often lasting 24 hours or more.

"During the peak travel period last year, some passengers even became deranged on their journeys because of the conditions and jumped out of the carriages," the China Daily said.

The Lunar New Year, which this year starts on January 29, is the biggest holiday in the Chinese-speaking world and family reunions prompt arguably the biggest movement of humanity on Earth.

Many supermarkets in southern Foshan had reported a 50 percent increase in sales of adult diapers for the train trips, the China Daily said in what some local commentators called the "shame of the nation." It did not mention other cities.

Domestic media said railways in China had transported 3.8 million people alone Monday, an all-time high.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"Things would be different if dads planned birthday parties. First off, the party would be about a month after the child's actual birthday, which is when dad would remember it. Dad's party theme would be "delivery pizza," which would also serve as the cake, the craft project, and the party favor. The entertainment would be pulling dad's finger: The kids would have just as much fun at this party as the one Mom would plan."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(He should have tried drinking a glass of water instead.)

Hiccups lead to two shooting deaths in Colombia

BOGOTA, Colombia (Reuters) - A Colombian man accidentally shot his nephew to death while trying to cure his hiccups by pointing a revolver at him to scare him, police in the Caribbean port city of Barranquilla said on Tuesday.

After shooting 21-year-old university student David Galvan in the neck, his uncle, Rafael Vargas, 35, was so distraught he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide, police said.

The incident took place on Sunday night while the two were having drinks with neighbours.

Galvan started to hiccup and Vargas, who works as a security guard, said he would use the home remedy for hiccups of scaring him. He pulled out his gun, pointed it at Galvan and it accidentally went off, witnesses told local television.

"They were drinking but they were aware of what was going on," one witness said.

Get down with the sickness

I hate being sick.

I hate it with a passion that cannot be sated. I really do. There is just no fun in being hot and sweaty on minute and then so cold that your teeth are chattering the next. I was freakin' sick yesterday, so I stayed home from work. No sense in spreading my germs around to other people. I couldn't have even lasted for more than 15 minutes at work anyway. But, I will spare you the nasty details of my bout with the flu. You can thank me later.

For me, being sick is a personal thing. I don't like people to see me all hunched over the toilet, sweating and coughing and all that jazz. I mean, how embarassing! I like to be left alone. I don't want people waiting on me or hanging around and asking how I feel. Not that I don't appreciate people for keeping me in their thoughts or anything. I just don't like people making a big fuss over me. I like to be sick alone. But yesterday, I almost caved in and called my mom to bring me some 7-Up. I was thisclose to doing it, but I relented. I ended up putting on some sweats, putting my hair up in a ponytail and put some sunglasses on and went to Vons to get me some myself.

I know. I am an idiot.

I just knew that if I had called my mom, she would be calling me like every hour to see how I was doing. Not that that is a bad thing. I was just tired and wanted to sleep. And I know my mom gets worried and there is no sense in making her worry when it was just a 24 hour bug.
Still, I appreciate people who will take the time out of their day to lend a hand when needed, and I know my mom is one of those people. Both my parents are. You can always rely on them in a pinch. And I am very grateful for that.

I know, I took a walk on the sappy side today, but I am still feeling a little weak and blah, so cut me some slack, Jack. I will be back to my usual cranky, road-raging, bitchy state soon.

I promise.

Get down with the sickness

I hate being sick.

I hate it with a passion that cannot be sated. I really do. There is just no fun in being hot and sweaty on minute and then so cold that your teeth are chattering the next. I was freakin' sick yesterday, so I stayed home from work. No sense in spreading my germs around to other people. I couldn't have even lasted for more than 15 minutes at work anyway. But, I will spare you the nasty details of my bout with the flu. You can thank me later.

For me, being sick is a personal thing. I don't like people to see me all hunched over the toilet, sweating and coughing and all that jazz. I mean, how embarassing! I like to be left alone. I don't want people waiting on me or hanging around and asking how I feel. Not that I don't appreciate people for keeping me in their thoughts or anything. I just don't like people making a big fuss over me. I like to be sick alone. But yesterday, I almost caved in and called my mom to bring me some 7-Up. I was thisclose to doing it, but I relented. I ended up putting on some sweats, putting my hair up in a ponytail and put some sunglasses on and went to Vons to get me some myself.

I know. I am an idiot.

I just knew that if I had called my mom, she would be calling me like every hour to see how I was doing. Not that that is a bad thing. I was just tired and wanted to sleep. And I know my mom gets worried and there is no sense in making her worry when it was just a 24 hour bug.
Still, I appreciate people who will take the time out of their day to lend a hand when needed, and I know my mom is one of those people. Both my parents are. You can always rely on them in a pinch. And I am very grateful for that.

I know, I took a walk on the sappy side today, but I am still feeling a little weak and blah, so cut me some slack, Jack. I will be back to my usual cranky, road-raging, bitchy state soon.

I promise.

Get down with the sickness

I hate being sick.

I hate it with a passion that cannot be sated. I really do. There is just no fun in being hot and sweaty on minute and then so cold that your teeth are chattering the next. I was freakin' sick yesterday, so I stayed home from work. No sense in spreading my germs around to other people. I couldn't have even lasted for more than 15 minutes at work anyway. But, I will spare you the nasty details of my bout with the flu. You can thank me later.

For me, being sick is a personal thing. I don't like people to see me all hunched over the toilet, sweating and coughing and all that jazz. I mean, how embarassing! I like to be left alone. I don't want people waiting on me or hanging around and asking how I feel. Not that I don't appreciate people for keeping me in their thoughts or anything. I just don't like people making a big fuss over me. I like to be sick alone. But yesterday, I almost caved in and called my mom to bring me some 7-Up. I was thisclose to doing it, but I relented. I ended up putting on some sweats, putting my hair up in a ponytail and put some sunglasses on and went to Vons to get me some myself.

I know. I am an idiot.

I just knew that if I had called my mom, she would be calling me like every hour to see how I was doing. Not that that is a bad thing. I was just tired and wanted to sleep. And I know my mom gets worried and there is no sense in making her worry when it was just a 24 hour bug.
Still, I appreciate people who will take the time out of their day to lend a hand when needed, and I know my mom is one of those people. Both my parents are. You can always rely on them in a pinch. And I am very grateful for that.

I know, I took a walk on the sappy side today, but I am still feeling a little weak and blah, so cut me some slack, Jack. I will be back to my usual cranky, road-raging, bitchy state soon.

I promise.

Finally a Friday

I haven't had a whole lot of road rage incidents to speak of lately. Nothing worth writing about. Just a few grumbles and such, but no flip-off fingers or honking or cussing really. But the other night as I was driving home from work, just when I thought that maybe, just MAYBE I had moved beyond the rage within me, this ass munch pulls out in front of me, forcing me to slam on my brakes, which caused my purse to go flying onto the floor and all my change spilled out onto the floor of my car, and my soda, which luckily was over halfway empty, to fall on the floor and spill...GRRRR....I have said it before, and I will say it again...I hate assholes! And this asshole had a name...his or her license plate spelled out something that looks like maybe he or she deals with creating websites or something (I know the license plate number...I will be looking out for you, asshole!). That little maneuver warranted a nice honking from me (since it was dark and he or she wouldn't have seen my flip-off finger). Why do people wait til you are like 10 feet from them to pull out in front of you? Why?? I just don't get it.

Well, it is finally a Friday. I know...finally...sounds silly considering that we had Monday off, but it felt like a full work week to me. There was no American Idol on last night, so I didn't go to bed with a headache last night. It looks like I will be heading out of town this weekend and going to Santa Barbara. I had originally planned to stay home and clean (ok...more like to take down my Christmas tree, which is still up) and stuff, but I guess that can wait til next week - hehe.

I must be completely crazy because this is the 2nd Friday in a row in which I came to work at 6 am. I am nuts. Stay away from me. I could be dangerous at this early in the morning. Wait until 10 am. By that time the caffeine and sugar should have taken effect.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"After dinner on a cruise ship, it's time to engage in the vast array of shipboard activities, by which I mean: drinking, gambling and shopping. By midnight, everybody is weary from a long partial day at sea, and it is time to: Eat more! There's a midnight buffet. Plus, if you pay a little extra, your cabin attendant will come around and stuff food into your mouth while you sleep."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Toga! Toga!)

Police Arrest Man Wearing Only a Toga

MORGANTON, N.C. - Police captured a man wearing only a toga while he sped away in a car with women's underwear inside. Michael Sean Ostrander, 33, was arrested Monday after allegedly breaking into the home of a Burke County woman and making off with some of her clothes.

The woman told police she was visiting a neighbor when she heard her burglar alarm go off and saw a man flee in a car.

The woman gave chase and called the police, with the state Highway Patrol and local officers joining the pursuit along North Carolina Highway 181.

According to the patrol, Ostrander was arrested near the Burke-Avery county line after stopping his car. The Burke County Sheriff's Office said it found panties and photos belonging to the woman inside Ostrander's car.

Ostrander is charged with breaking, entering and larceny, possession of stolen goods and speeding to avoid arrest — all felonies.

He spent four years in prison following a 2001 conviction in Catawba County on a second-degree rape charge.

A judge on Wednesday set a probable cause hearing for next month.

And the public humiliation goes on...

Well, last night was another round of tone-deafness and earache-inducing singing, courtesy of the contestants on American Idol. Why am I so addicted to this show? I am not even a pop music fan. I hate pop music. But for some reason, I am hooked on that damned show, whether I like it or not. Maybe it is because I am always curious to see what Simon will say. Or maybe I am just one of those people who likes to watch people make asses of themselves in public. Or maybe I have been brainwashed. Who knows.

There was one performance (or should I say, painful display of no musical talent) that stood out as the worst performance of the night, in my eyes (and ears). And that was the painful, misguided, off-key and confused performance of Zachary, who definitely could pass for a female. In fact, I thought he was a girl at first. His singing was terrible. And I am not saying that because he picked a Whitney Houston song, which is a song for a woman to sing...I am saying that because he CAN'T SING. He was completely off key and didn't have any tone to his voice to speak of. And the whole "this show is prejudiced" rant that he went on after he got booted was just nonsense. If you can't sing, then you can't sing. There is no prejudice about it. Don't quit your day job Mr Zachary. And if you don't have a day job, you better get one, because singing won't get you any money...unless people pay you to stop singing.

Yep. It is definitely time to pull out the Tylenol.

I tuned in to Skating With Celebrities after American Idol was over, probably because there was nothing else on at the time. It was an ok show. Nothing spectacular, but hey, most of these celebrities had no or very little ice skating experience and had only been skating for a month with their partners, so I was impressed by all of them. Especially Bruce Jenner, who is in his 50's and is 6'4 or something. Definitely not a figure skater type - lol. I have to give them props though. If it would have been me, I would have fallen on my ass and not have been able to get back up.

And on a side note, I am tired. I am big favor of bringing nap time to the work place. Who's with me??

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"My family's cruise began with a lifeboat drill. We lined up in neat rows, wearing life jackets, calmly awaiting instructions. In a real emergency, of course, we'd fight for the lifeboats like wild dogs battling for meat. Our sneakers would squish with blood. We have all seen Titanic, so we know what happens to people who wait their turn. Speaking of meat: After the drill it was time for dinner! In the dining room, we engaged in sparkling intellectual repartee with our fellow voyagers ('What are you having?' 'I'm having the salmon.' 'Really? That's what I'm having!' 'Really?', etc.)"

Stupid News Story of The Day

(I see dead people...on the other hand, maybe not.)

Man Said to Fake Death, Keep Child Support

COLUMBIA, S.C. - Police arrested a man accused of faking his death more than 25 years ago to avoid paying child support.

Johnny Sterling Martin, 58, had a relative call Family Court in 1979 and report that he died during a bar fight in Alabama, authorities said. That call came a few months after he escaped from a work detail while serving a one-year jail term for failing to pay $4,120 in support for two children.

He was captured Tuesday and jailed, and now owes more than $30,000 in child support and faces an escape charge, authorities said.

"Johnny Martin is the ultimate deadbeat dad, faking his own death to avoid paying money to support his young children who were living in Lexington County," Sheriff James Metts said.

Martin has been living in Myrtle Beach, about 150 miles away, and had been using his real name for about 20 years, investigators. He has been married four times — twice since his disappearance — and has a third child, sheriff's Maj. John Allard said.

The investigation was reopened last week when police got a tip from one of Martin's ex-wives that he was alive and living in Myrtle Beach. A fingerprint analysis confirmed Martin's identity, investigators said.

They are working to identify the caller who told family court Martin was dead.

What is your fortune?

Kimberly's Fortune for January 18, 2006 Fortune by myYearbook.com the World's Biggest Yearbook! Find Out Your Fortune! Name: Age: Sex: Male Female Birthday: Month ---------- January February March April May June July August September October November December Day --- 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 , YYYY

America, put on your earplugs cuz American Idol is back!

American Idol officially started last night. As usual, there were many really horrible singers...and most of them actually thought they were good. In fact, many of them said that their friends said that they were good, too. Well people, here's a bit of advice for you...get new friends! If your so-called friends tell you that your voice resembles Celine Dion when in fact it actually resembles Tiny Tim, then those people are not your friends. Real friends would tell you the truth. And if you chose to not believe the truth and went on American Idol anyway, well then you deserve all the public humiliation you get.

True there were a few good performances, but no one's singing gave me the chills. But many of the performances were definitely cringe-inducing. Such as the guy who told the judges to give him an hour and he would definitely do better. Sorry Charlie, but even if the judges gave him 10 years, he would still suck. And that chick who looked like a cross between Paris Hilton and Ashlee Simpson...she was horrible! And what was up with her mother? I see now where her daughter gets her fashion sense (or, unsense in this case) from. And as for Mr Deputy Sheriff...stick to your day job.

By the way, what were Randy and Paula thinking keeping that crazy guy? Hell...even I could sing better than him.

Maybe it was in protest of Simon, who was being more cranky and critical than usual...as if that were possible.

Anyway, the show is back on tonight. The first part of American Idol is definitely the best part because it shows you all of the tone-deaf, off-pitch singers who think they are all that and a bag of Doritos. And that is where the fun is.

By the way, where did this rain come from? I washed my car last night and there was no mention of rain anywhere in the forecast. Not today..not over the weekend. Nowhere! Grrrrr... I truly believe that washing your car is a true rain-bringer. No need to do a rain dance. Just wash your car and the rain will surely come.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"In my family, we are nautical people. We have the sea in our veins. I do not speak metaphorically: Sometimes we find actual eels in our underpants. That's how nautical we are. And so a few weeks ago, we set out on a sea voyage from Fort Lauderdale, knowing that it would be five days and roughly 153 meals (included), before we would reach our destination: Fort Lauderdale. We sailed aboard a cruise ship, which had one of those cruise-ship names, like the Majestic Vagabond Restaurant of the Seas. She is a fine vessel, a tad larger than Connecticut, boasting (really) an onboard shopping mall. Leaving port, she weighed 75,000 tons, at least half of which was food."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(I'll trade you a thyroid for a stomach.)

Two patients in surgical slip-up

SEOUL (Reuters) - South Korean doctors mistakenly removed part of the stomach of a patient due to have thyroid surgery, while removing the thyroid gland of another scheduled for stomach surgery, a hospital official said Monday.

The surgical mix-up took place at Konyang University Hospital in the city of Taejon, about 150 km (95 miles) south of Seoul and involved two women in their sixties who were both in for surgery the same day, hospital spokesman Kim Man-sik said.

Medical staff found out about the mix-up, which took place on December 29, only after they were filing paperwork on the two women, he said.

Doctors later performed the correct surgical procedures on both women and re-attached the part of the stomach they had removed from the patient with the thyroid problem, Kim said.

Both were recovering from their operations, he said.

New template

Yes, I changed my template again. Since all the stores have their Valentine's Day candy and decorations out, I decided to decorate my blog, too. <3 <3

A winter wonderland weekend

It is cold.

Ok. So it is not as cold as Minnesota, by any means, but it is still cold enough for me. Brrrrr...

Chris and I decided to go to Red Rock Canyon State Park on Saturday, and we took a little detour into Tehachapi on the way there since we saw snow on the hills and wanted to check it out. We ended up in Tehachapi Mountain Park, a little out-of-the-way spot. There were quite a few people there, sledding, building snowmen and having snowball fights. It was cloudy and cold. It even started to flurry a little bit as we walked around. It was kind of a mess though, with some pickup trucks getting stuck and sliding around. I wanted to get out of there before one of them slid into my car or, worse, me! Besides, it was damned cold! I was freezing my ass off. Still, I wanted to go sledding, but, alas, I had no sled. I coulda just sat down and slid on my butt, but I didn't have an extra pair of pants in the car, so I decided that was not a good idea - hehe.

After we left Tehachapi, we went to Red Rock Canyon. Whata change in climates! Red Rock Canyon is only about an hour from Tehachapi, and in that distance, the clouds parted and made way for a sunny day. But it was windy. I mean windy! The wind was gusting and blowing my car to and fro. It was hard at times to keep going in a straight line. We got to Red Rock and walked around the rocks, but it was really windy up there, too ... and cold! After a little while, we got back in the car and made our way back to Bakersfield.

The next day, we decided to check out Shirley Meadows Ski Resort. Now, I don't ski...never have before, but I wanted to see what it looked like. So, we drove up State Route 155 through Glennville and then ended up in Shirley Meadows. The drive from the turnoff to Shirley Meadows to the actual ski resort was beautiful. It looked exactly like a winter wonderland. I found myself humming that song as I drove along, in fact (lol). You had to be careful and drive slowly as the road, in some parts, was still coverered with snow, and I have no chains, snow tires or 4-wheel drive on my car. Still, with slow driving, I made my way up there without so much as a slide. Other cars were having some trouble though. We came across a pickup truck that was having trouble getting out of the parking spot. Her rear tires were spinning, having no traction. But some nice people came along and gave her a push, and she was soon on her way.

Shirley Meadows is a small ski resort, located above Wofford Heights, CA. There were quite a few people there skiing and snowboarding. We watched the people skiing for a bit, and walked around to a trail on the side of the resort where some cross-country skiers were heading out. I was glad to have brought my waterproof hiking boots. They kept my feet warm. I took some pictures and threw some snowballs and had a great old time. I wished I had a sled and some mittens. I would have been out there with the kids sledding away. Nothing brings out the kid in me like snow!

After we had gotten cold enough, we got in the car and headed back to Bakersfield. We had a great time in the snow.

I posted pictures on my other blog, which you can get to by clicking HERE. I haven't gotten to upload them to my Yahoo photo album yet. I had a really BAD headache yesterday evening and took some Advil and took a nap. Maybe I will post them tonight.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"Like many moms, my wife believes that a child's birthday party requires as much planning as a lunar landing - more, actually, because you have to hire a clown. Serious moms plan birthday parties months in advance, choosing a theme - Bob the Builder, Disney Princesses, Snoop Dogg, etc. - and relentlessly incorporating this theme into every element of the party, including invitations, decorations, music, games, craft projects, snacks, cake, entertainment, favors, little gift bags for the favors, ribbons for the little gift bags for the favors, name tags for the ribbons for the little gift bags for the favors, and on and on until the mom has lost all touch with human reality."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Follow those feathers!)

German police follow feather trail to thief

BERLIN (Reuters) - A bungling German thief left a Hansel and Gretel-style trail of feathers which led police from the crime scene to his front door, authorities said on Tuesday.

Police in the western city of Bochum said the man ripped open his quilted jacket as he broke into a shop to steal a karaoke set and did not notice it was leaking feathers all the way home. A witness saw the break-in and quickly told police.

"Luckily they were able to act before the next story was played out -- "Gone with the Wind," said Bochum police spokesman Frank Plewka. "All they had to do was follow the feathers."

The 36-year-old was astonished when police came knocking at his door shortly afterwards to arrest him.

It is raining....

Well, today it is raining, so no trip to big Sur this weekend. Maybe next week...or the week after - lol.

I actually got up at 5 am yesterday and worked some overtime. It was soooo foggy in the morning. I could barely see 10 feet in front of me in some parts of the drive to work. While I hate waking up that early ( I mean HATE), I actually was pretty wide awake and not even sleepy. And I actually worked! I know...What a concept! I guess I can be motivated sometimes. Maybe I am not THAT jaded...yet.

I got the weirdest email today. This is what it said...

hello

i wish i knew that you are ok i have not heard from you and
i didnt mind calling you so it didnt cost you any money...Kimberely
are you told not to talk to me? I dont know what i have done
but your dad thinks i am a lunatic so mabe that is why


love Jennifer


p.s. i guess in some weird way i am nutty but i still have me and god has been good to me. My social security stsarted and i bought me a new refrigerator and a sectional that is so comfortable.
Funny, huh. I have no idea who this person is. I think she may have gotten the wrong email address. lol. It did make me laugh this morning.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"One of the more baffling works of art I saw at the Miami Beach art show was called Moonwalk. You walked into the space and it was empty, just blank white walls. Around the ceiling were half a dozen speakers making a high-pitched sonar sound, like this: 'boop.' That was the art: 'boop.' Sitting outside on a folded chair was a gallery person, smoking Marlboros. I wondered what it would be like to fly all the way from Paris to Miami, only to spend four days sitting outside an empty shipping container going 'boop.' There was another work that consisted of a hole drilled in the floor, and some weeds stuck in it. I believe the price on that was $6,000. While I was examining it, I heard one Serious Art Person say to another (I swear): 'Wouldn't that be wonderful in the foyer?"

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Can he only govern at night?)

Vampire seeks governor's job

MINNEAPOLIS (Reuters) - Minnesota voters, who eight years ago elected a former professional wrestler as their governor, may find a self-proclaimed vampire on the ballot for the office this year.

"Politics is a cut-throat business," said Jonathan "The Impaler" Sharkey, who said he plans to announce his bid for governor Friday on the ticket of the Vampyres, Witches and Pagans Party.

Like Jesse "The Body" Ventura, who was elected governor as an independent in 1998, the 41-year-old Sharkey once was a wrestler, although he spent his time "The Unholiest of Kings: Tarantula" on obscure professional circuits.

"I'm a Satanist who doesn't hate Jesus," Sharkey told Reuters. "I just hate God the Father."

However, he claims to respect all religions and if elected, will post "everything from the Ten Commandments to the Wicca Reed" in government buildings.

Sharkey also pledged to execute convicted murders and child molesters personally by impaling them on a wooden pole outside the state capitol.

Sharkey told the Minneapolis Star Tribune that he's a vampire "just like you see in the movies and TV."

"I sink my fangs into the neck of my donor ... and drink their blood," he said, adding that his donor is his wife, Julie.

The field for the governor's race in Minnesota is far from complete. Republican incumbent Tim Pawlenty is widely expected to seek another term in November and his Democratic opponent has not been determined.

Sharkey said he planned to announce his candidacy Friday -- the 13th -- because that was "my lucky number."

Another day, another fifty cents

Well, here I am back at the great OC...and I am using the word "great" with much sarcasm. I am so unmotivated lately. I think the reason why I haven't had much road rage lately isn't because I have turned mellow...it is because I am unmotivated enough to even care about cars cutting in front of me and the like. I am sleepy and feel like crap. I just want to do nothing. I haven't even taken down my Christmas tree or fixed that bar in my closet yet. Yes, I have officially become jaded. Hopefully it will pass soon. Can't let Bakersfield drivers know that I have given my flip off finger a break.

I heard they are doing a sequel to Clerks. I have mixed feelings about this venture. While I loved the original Clerks (it is one of my all-time favorite movies) and would love to see Dante and Randal back at the good ole' Quick Stop, I dont' know if they can do the movie justice. I mean, just look how many crappy sequels there have been to really good movies (The Black Stallion Returns, to give you an example). And besides, Kevin Smith's last movie, Jersey Girl, sucked ass. I hope he does a better job on Clerks 2 than he did with that piece of crap.

Oh well. Back to my boring existance...lol

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"Another piece of art at the art show was a ratty old collapsed armchair - worn, dirty, leaking stuffing, possibly housing active vermin colonies. I asked the gallery person if the chair was art, and she said, yes, it was a work of art titled Chair. I asked her what role the artist had played in creating Chair. She said, "He found it." She noted that Chair had been professionally crated and shipped to the art show. Chair is for sale. The price is $2,800. Really. I looked up Chair on a Serious Art website, which said: "The chair offers not a weedy patina of desuetude but an apotheosis of its former occupant." See, I missed that altogether, about the desuetude and the apotheosis. I thought it was just a crappy old junk chair some guy took off a trash pile and was now trying to see for 2,800 clams."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(The things some people will do to get a world record.)

Man Aims for New Snake-Kissing Record

KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia - A kiss is just a kiss, but it may prove to be the kiss of death for a Malaysian snake charmer who will attempt to set a new world record by planting 50 smooches on a venomous snake in 10 minutes.

Shahimi Abdul Hamid, 33, will perform the dangerous feat on March 11 in a bid to break the current record held by an American man who kissed a poisonous snake 30 times in an unspecified time, the national news agency Bernama said Thursday.

Shahini has urged Malaysians to support him in his endeavor, saying he "wants to prove that Asians can also be champions in taming poisonous snakes."

He could not be reached for comments.

Bernama said Shahimi displayed his prowess at a news conference late Wednesday by kissing a three-meter long King Cobra 21 times. His bid in March will be filmed by U.S. television show Ripley's Believe It Or Not, Bernama said.

Out with the road rage and in with the song rage

I am happy to report that I had no incidents of road rage so far this week. I know. I am as shocked as you are. What is wrong with me? Have I suddenly become mellow? Nah. I think "mellow" would be pushing it. "Slightly kinder and gentler," maybe. And I stress the word "slightly." I don't think anyone would call me "mellow." I have been called "feisty" (which is a kinder and gentler way to call you a bitch), which I think suits me better. but "mellow?" Don't think so.

I did have a case of "song rage" this morning. You know what "song rage" is. It's when you get a song, usually a really awful song or a song you haven't even thought about in years, stuck in your head. Well I had song rage this morning. I don't know where it came from or how it got there, but all morning, all that was going through my head was," Who put the 'ram' in the ram a lam a ding dong, who put the 'bop' in the bop se bop se bop." What the hell??? I haven't thought about that song in sooo long. And, besides. I HATE that song. Grrrrrrrrrr. How come the crappy ass songs get stuck in my head? Is it some form of torture? And why am I being tortured? Why, I ask you...why???

I went to the store last night to pick up some soda and some toilet paper and a book of stamps, you know since the postage rate went up and all. Well, to my unsurprise, they didn't even have any stamps. No old ones...no new ones. None. Crapola. I went to the post office the other night to get some 2 cent stamps, but to my even more unsurprise, they were sold out. I smell a conspiracy here. They up and raised the price of a stamp to 39 cents and you can't even get any 2 cent stamps cuz they are continually sold out of them. You can get a book of 39 cent stamps from the vending machine though (if you have the cashola on you to get them, that is...I had a $20 bill the other night, and there was no way I was chancing putting that puppy in the machine...last year I put a $10 in there and it ripped me off...no stamps...no money back...nada....GRRR!). I figured I would get a book of 39 cent stamps and then when the demand for the 2 cent stamps wore out, I would get some and use up my old 37 cent ones. Well, you can't even get a book of stamps at the grocery store. So much for my plan. Yes, I smell a conspiracy. And it stinks!

And on a totally off note...when are they gonna stop making those Burger King commercials with that plastic man-looking king dude? That guy scares the crap burgers outta me. I had a nightmare about him the other night. Stop the king! Stop the insanity! Let me sleep in peace!!

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"Petanque was invented in 1907 near Marseille, at a bar. As far as I can tell, it is never played far from a bar. It's sort of like bocce, except it's played with steel balls, called 'boules.' You keep your feet together and throw your ball underhand, palm down, using a motion that I can only describe as 'French.' The object is to get your balls closer than your opponents' balls to another little ball, called the 'point' ball. When a team has scored thirteen points, it's time to go to the bar."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Momma always said to wash behind your ears. Listen to your momma.)

Robbery Suspect 'Sings the Blues'

ANCHORAGE, Alaska - Memo to robbers: If you disguise yourself as a Smurf, make sure you wipe behind your ears afterward. Anchorage police said a man painted his face and tried to rob a hotel, but was arrested when officers spotted residual blue stains on his neck, ears and forehead.

Daniel Peter Clark, 19, is charged with robbery and assault.

Anchorage police Lt. Paul Honeman said a clerk at the Super 8 Motel said a man with a blue face walked in and asked for money at 6:30 a.m. on Saturday. When the clerk said no, the man pulled out a knife.

The clerk retreated into a hotel office and locked the door and the suspect fled on foot, Honeman said.

Police put out a description of the suspect: a man in his early 20s, thin, with short blond hair wearing a puffy red coat like a ski jacket. And a blue face.

Much of the description sounded familiar to Officer Kevin McDonald.

A day earlier, McDonald had responded to a disturbance call at the Chelsea Inn. He spoke to a young man with short blond hair who was wearing a puffy red coat.

McDonald and Sgt. Chris Sims drove to the Chelsea Inn and spoke to the desk clerk. Twenty minutes after the robbery call, Clark appeared. "In runs Mr. Clark, still wearing his blue face," Honeman said. "It was a clue."

Blue ink on his fingers also was a tip-off.

Police believe Clark ran from the Super 8, washed his face and walked to the Chelsea, where he was checked in. Blue stain, however, was prominent on his ears, neck and throat.

Police obtained a search warrant for Clark's room. They recovered a knife sheath and an ink blotter commonly used at bingo parlors for stamping cards.

"He appears to have cut it open and emptied the contents into an ice bucket," Honeman said. "He painted himself up good."

Police photographed Clark with the blue stains in place.

He is being held at the Anchorage Jail with bail set at $3,000, Honeman said.

Tis the season for award shows

I watched the Critics Choice Awards last night, mostly because nothing else of interest was on, and partly because I kinda wanted to see who would win.

It was a decent awards show...not as fancy-schmancy as the Oscars, yet not as hokey as the MTV Movie awards. I was very happy that the cast of Crash took home the award for Best Acting Ensemble. For anyone who hasn't seen it, it is a brilliant movie. Rent it...now! You won't be disappointed. It would have to say that of all the movies I saw last year, Crash was THE best.

I was also glad to see Paul Giamatti win for Best Supporting Actor (for Cinderella Man) He was royally screwed over by the academy last year when he was not nominated for his performance in Sideways. (grrrr)

Dakota Fanning won for Best Younger Actress for her performance in War of The Worlds. I haven't seen the movie, but Dakota is just too cute. She was so adorable while making her acceptance speech.

Brokeback Mountain won for Best Director (Ang Lee), Best Supporting Actress (Michelle Williams - it is nice to see those Dawson's Creek kids all grown up - hehe), and Best Picture. I haven't seen it yet, but after all the awards and nominations it has been receiving, I sure want to see it. Especially after all the controversy (like a theatre in Utah refusing to show it) and those idiots protesting outside the award show (holding signs that had such intelligent phrases as "No homo on the range" on them - sheesh), it just makes me want to see it even more. Besides, Jake Gyllenhaal is in it and everyone knows how much I adore him and his eyes - lol.

The show was pretty good, but I always wonder why they save the big awards (Best Actor, Best Director and Best Picture) for last. It seems like the shows always run out of time toward the end and the last few winners have to struggle to hurry up and finish their speeches before they are so rudely cut off. Let them finish their speeches. Some of these people may never win another award. I would be so pissed if that ever happened to me. Like last night...as the producer for Brokeback Mountain was saying her acceptance speech, they started to roll the credits. Grrrrr....how rude.

Anyway, I am gonna have to see Brokeback Mountain one of these days.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"I've discovered the perfect sport. You don't have to be in great shape to play it. You barely have to stand. You're thinking: golf. Wrong. Compared to the sport I'm talking about, golf is brutal, sometimes forcing you to physically walk fifteen feet from your cart to your ball. Whereas the sport I'm talking about involves almost no walking, and in fact little movement of any kind, except for signaling the bartender. The most strenuous part of this sport is pronouncing its name: petanque."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Now I see where her dogs get it from.)

Drunk Woman Sics Dogs on New Zealand Cops

WELLINGTON, New Zealand - A drunken woman unleashed pitbulls on two New Zealand policemen responding to a domestic dispute, sending them scrambling to their patrol car where she bashed in their windshield with her feet, police said.

Gunshots and pepper spray couldn't deter the pair of angry hounds, which hurled themselves at the car's windows, said Detective Senior Sergeant Neil Grimstone in the northern city of Auckland.

The "intoxicated and aggressive female," meanwhile, "jumped up onto the bonnet of the car and smashed the patrol vehicle's windscreen with her feet," he said in a statement.

Back-up officers arrived and tried to negotiate with the woman, but to no avail. One of the dogs charged and was shot and wounded. The woman also assailed officers and was arrested, he said.

Grimstone said the shooting still didn't deter either dog, with the wounded one again turning on police — and shot a second time.

"The dog has, only after being shot twice, then run off," he said.

Both animals were later impounded and were to be destroyed, he said.

The woman, aged 27 but not identified by police, faced charges of assault with a weapon, intentional damage, disorderly behavior and resisting police. Grimstone said more serious charges were likely.

"There is no question that this woman is totally responsible for the demise of these animals. Drunken, violent, aggressive and confrontational behavior like this will not be tolerated," he said.

Grimstone wasn't immediately unavailable for comment Tuesday. It was unclear why the officers were called to the home.

Quiz time!

The Picto-Personality Test You are a person who is very ambitious, and constantly thinking of ways to further your own goals. When alone, you like to spend your time doing something that will better yourself. You are laid back. Anything goes, with you. In the future you will be happy and live richly.

Take this Test at QuizGalaxy.com

When backpacking thru Europe, stay away from the hostile hostels.

I went to Santa Maria over the weekend. Nice, sunny weather, though slightly chilly and breezy. Chris and I went to lunch at this place in Guadalupe called the Far Western Tavern. I had a yummy french dip sandwich with onion rings - mmmmm. It was yummy, yummy for my tummy. It is a cool restaurant and good food, too .

We went to see Hostel on Saturday evening. Damn, that was a good movie. Full of blood and guts and gore galore! I know, Cyndi...you told me not to "right" (HAHAHA) a bloody review of this movie, but too bad! Just teasing...I won't go into too much detail, since I don't wanna blow the ending for everyone. Trust me. It's good. It is all about these 3 guys who are backpacking across Europe. They plan on ending up in Barcelona eventually, but they don't quite make it there. They end up going to this hostel in some Slovakian city based on the promises of hot women and lots of sex...hey, what man would turn that offer down?

Anyway, after what seems to be a good start to their visit, things start to turn bad when one of their buddies turns up missing. Soon after, another one of them turns up missing. Now it is just Paxton (played by Jay Hernandez) who is left and he is starting to get suspicious.

The usual murder and mayhem follow, but there is a twist...You eventually find out what is happening to the visitors in the town, and it is not pretty. Paxton will pay a high price to find out what happened to his friends. Will he make it out alive? Well, I guess you will have to see the movie to find out. hehehe. (Sorry, but I hate it when people ruin the movie for me by telling me what happens before I see it).

On Sunday, Chris and I went to Klondike's Pizza in Santa Maria. They have the best pizza there. We always get the Denali pizza, which is basically their "everything goes" pizza. They sure don't skimp on the toppings there. I had 3 slices and then I was done. My tummy was getting revenge on me for eating too much and drinking too much root beer. I thought I was gonna hurl, but, fortunately, I didn't. Whew!

This upcoming weekend is a 3-day weekend (would've been a 4-day weekend, but I said I would put in some OT on Friday ... oh why do I have to be so nice????) Chris mentioned maybe going to Big Sur and camping out there. I haven't been to Big Sur since I was a kid. Should be fun!!!

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"At a recent art show I saw a work of art consisting of a video repeated over and over, showing a man - not in peak physical condition, I might add - rollerblading around a vast empty space, stark naked. I'm proud to say I betrayed no emotion while viewing this work, although my daughter, who was three at the time, said, quite loudly: "You can see his tushy! Yuck!" She was young, and had no art training."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Ahhh...revenge is so very, very sweet.)

Mouse Thrown Into Fire Sets Home Ablaze

FORT SUMNER, N.M. - A mouse got its revenge against a homeowner who tried to dispose of it in a pile of burning leaves. The blazing creature ran back to the man's house and set it on fire.

Luciano Mares, 81, of Fort Sumner said he caught the mouse inside his house and wanted to get rid of it.

"I had some leaves burning outside, so I threw it in the fire, and the mouse was on fire and ran back at the house," Mares said from a motel room Saturday.

Village Fire Chief Juan Chavez said the burning mouse ran to just beneath a window, and the flames spread up from there and throughout the house.

No was hurt inside, but the home and everything in it was destroyed.

Unseasonably dry and windy conditions have charred more than 53,000 acres and destroyed 10 homes in southeastern New Mexico in recent weeks.

"I've seen numerous house fires," village Fire Department Capt. Jim Lyssy said, "but nothing as unique as this one."

Sometimes I have nothing better to do than to complain...

I have nothing interesting to say today. I am tired of working on cases. I have practically been working non-stop on cases all day today. Grrrr. I just want to go home where there are no cases.....none...zip.........nada.

The fog reared its ugly head today. Just when I thought that maybe, just maybe, we would get out of winter with no fog. So much for that idea. I guess Mother Nature had other plans...the bitch.

Is it me, or does that chick on the new Taco Bell commercial (you know...the one for the cheesy bean and rice burrito) seem to be mouthing the word "fuck" at the end of the commercial? Maybe it's just me...but I don't think so. For shame, Taco Bell. For shame. Do you not realize that some deaf people watch tv and that some of them can read lips? How do you edit tv for the lip readers?? Of course you know I am joking. I hate it when they edit the movies on tv. It completely ruins them, and besides, we all know what they are really saying. Get over it already you prudes! If you don't like it, don't watch it.

But I digress.

Anyway, it is finally Friday and I am pooped. I wanna go home now. I wanna lie on my bed and listen to the radio, with not a complex thought in my head. Hell, I would lie in bed all weekend, 24 hours a day if I didn't have to get up and pee and eat from time to time. Yes, that is how lazy I can be. You don't believe me? Well, I will just have to prove it. Ha ha!

I really wanna see that movie Hostel that came out today. It looks really gross-out and cring-inducing. Just the way I like my movies.

Is it time to go home yet?

No?

Damn.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"I went to an art show called Art Positions, which was a group of large, walk-in shipping containers set up on the beach, serving as mini art galleries. Serious Art People drifted seriously from container to container. I managed not to say anything stupid until I encountered a slide projector sitting on the floor, projecting a rectangle of white light and twitching lens dust onto the wall. I asked the gallery person if there was supposed to be a slide in the projector; he patiently explained that, no, this was a work of art titled Autofocus Slide Projector Dust. I didn't ask why it was on the floor, because I didn't want to make a total fool of myself."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(What did the Christmas tree ever do to you?)

Man Allegedly Torches Christmas Tree

GLENDALE, Calif. - Police arrested a man who allegedly torched the city's 30-foot-tall Christmas tree in retaliation for a parking ticket.

Bruce Morrison, 52, was arrested Wednesday at his Glendale home and was booked for investigation of arson, Sgt. Oscar Rodriguez said. He was released after posting $50,000 bail.

The tree at the Civic Center's Parcher Plaza was reduced to charcoal last Friday night. Witnesses told police that they saw a gray-haired man leaving the scene in a blue pickup truck shortly before the fire started.

Sgt. Ernie Garcia of the department's arson unit said the city will seek restitution of the tree's $2,500 cost and another $5,000 in decorations and fencing that were destroyed in the fire.

Rose Bowl Woes

It was a real nail-biter down to the very last second. I could barely watch, but I knew it would end with the Longhorns winning after they regained possession of the ball in the final minutes of the game. Vince Young is just too good. There is no stopping him.

You might as well just have called it The Vince Young Bowl.

After all, it was pretty much a one man show. Yes, Texas won the Rose Bowl by 3 points, much to my dismay. Matt Leinart, Reggie Bush and Lendale White just couldn't hold off the Longhorns. But it wasn't their fault. True, Reggie Bush, the 2005 Heisman Trophy winner, flubbed the ball in an uncharacteristic error which cost the Trojans dearly, and in a bad coaching move, Pete Carroll had USC go for the 1st down on 4th and 2 when they should have gone for the field goal. But, Vince Young was too good of a quarterback (making 3 TD's, completing 30 out of 40 passes and rushing for 200 yards) and the USC defense was just lousy, leaving men open and not being able to make the tackles when they should have. USC's defense failed and lost them the game.

Reggie Bush would redeem himself in the 2nd half, scoring a TD on a 37 yard run. Lendale White was the key player in USC's offense. He is a strong guy and it took a lot of guys to tackle him to the ground. And Matt Leinart, who got off to a good start in the 1st half, but was roughed up later on and was visibly shaken, throwing a pass that was intercepted in the first half, picked himself up and shook himself off and went on to prove himself to being as good as they say he is.
Then, there was controversy. In the 1st half, Vince Young lateraled the ball to Selvin Young who made it into the end zone for a touchdown, when Vince Young's knee was clearly on the ground when he passed Selvin Young the ball. It should have been down right there, and the TD would not have counted. USC got royally ripped off there.

There was also unsportsmanlike behavior. A cheap shot to Matt Leinart, after he had already passed the ball, resulted in a flag on the play and a 15 yard gain for the Trojans. Eventually, USC would score on that possession.

But it was too little, too late. After being ahead in the 4th quarter, Texas regained the ball on a missed 4th down opportunity and Vince Young went on to score the winning TD.

Damn him! And damn USC's lousy defense.

Oh well. There's always next year.

And Matt Leinart... you are still the best.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"No matter how ludicrous the art is, a Serious Art Person will view it with the somber expression of a radiologist examining x-rays of a tumor. Whereas an amateur will eventually give himself away by laughing; or saying, 'Huh?' or (and this is the most embarrassing) asking an art gallery person: 'Is this wastebasket a piece of art? Or can I put my gum wrapper in it?"

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Stupid is as stupid does.)

Alleged Burglar Cooks, Makes Fresh Juice

ANDERSON, S.C. - Apparently, you can build up quite an appetite breaking-and-entering. James Michael Fowler, 26, was arrested and charged with burglary Tuesday after a neighbor watching the house found a pan of cocktail franks cooking on the stove and some freshly made orange juice nearby.

Anderson Police Lt. Layton Creamer says when the neighbor went to check on the home, she saw the food cooking and a black stocking cap on the kitchen counter.

Creamer said it looked like Fowler broke into the two-story house through a first-floor window.

Officers didn't find Fowler at first. But when authorities returned to collect evidence, the neighbor noticed the key to the patio door wasn't in the lock, Creamer said.

That's when police saw Fowler lying, coiled up on the deck floor, Creamer said.

After authorities surrounded the house, they arrest Fowler as he tried to get back in through the deck door.

"He heard us and was trying to make his escape," Creamer said.

Blah, blah, blah

Ever had one of those days when you just don't feeling like doing crap? Well, today is one of those days...so was yesterday, thus the absence of a blog entry. I did change my profile template though. I guess I actually did SOMETHING yesterday.

I am just tired...and achey. I hate it when I feel like this. I was pretty grumpy yesterday and am kind of grumpy today, too. I felt like crap yesterday, and today I don't feel much better. To make it worse, I have to go to the rheumatologist today, which means I will surely have to get a blood test. GRRRR. I hate needles.

On the positive side of it, it means I get to leave work at 2:30 today and not have to come back til tomorrow. As Napoleon Dynamite would say, "Sweet!"

I did do some productive things today. I actually worked some. Real work. I know. I am as shocked as you are.

I also changed my template. It looks pretty freakin' awesome if you ask me. I love to play around with Paint Shop Pro. It is my new obsession. I think I will have to toy around with the template a little more until I get it just right. I am such a freakin' perfectionist.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"Whenever I write about art, I get mail from the Serious Art Community informing me that I am a clueless idiot. So let me begin by stipulating that I am a clueless idiot. I recently attended a big art show held here in Miami Beach. It attracted thousands of Serious Art People who wear mostly black outfits and can maintain serious expressions no matter what work of art they are viewing. This is hard, because a lot of Serious Art consists of bizarre or startingly unattractive objects, or 'performances' wherein artists do something Conceptual, such as squirt Cheez Whiz into an orifice that has not been approved by the Food and Drug Administration for snack toppings."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Come on baby, light my fire.)

Man sets self on fire in courtroom after fine

SEOUL (Reuters) - A South Korean man was in critical condition after setting himself on fire on Wednesday in a courtroom where he was sentenced to a $300 (171 pounds) fine for disturbing the peace, a court official and an emergency room physician said.

The district court in Uijongbu north of Seoul had just upheld a fine he received in 2004 for causing a disturbance at a mobile phone sales outlet where he was demanding a new phone number.

The man walked out of the courtroom after the sentence, doused himself with heating oil, came back to the courtroom and set himself on fire, the court official said by telephone.

The man suffered third-degree burns all over his body and was being transported to a burn centre in Seoul, an emergency room doctor at a Uijongbu hospital that first received him said.

"His life is on the line," the doctor said.

Nobody else in the sparsely attended courtroom was hurt, the court official said.

Out with the old and in with the new

Well, a lot has happened throughout 2005. There were hook-ups (Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn to name a few)...break-ups (Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt, Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey, Paris and Paris, to name a few)... Hurricanes Rita and Katrina proved to be the biggest bitches ever...Tom Cruise jumped on a couch in the name of love...an earthquake leveled parts of Asia...Oprah appeared on David Letterman for the first time in years...Gilligan passed away...one pope died and a new one was elected...the war in Iraq continues...Bombings rocked London subways...the battle over Terry Schiavo's life was finally ended...Gasoline prices skyrocketed.

New movies and tv shows came out in 2005. The best movies that I have seen in 2005 were: King Kong, Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire, The Wedding Crashers, The 40 Year-Old Virgin, and Crash. Also some very good new tv shows came out. My favorites are Supernatural and The Colbert Report.

This year started out very wet and windy. Storms blew across California, causing flooding and even some deaths from falling trees. Even the Rose Parade was not safe from the storms, as the parade was drenched with rain for the first time in some 55 years. Here in Bakersfield, we got quite a bit of rain over the New Year's weekend. Not to mention the wind. It was almost odd yesterday as I left Olive Garden after eating lunch, as it was sunny, yet it was also raining. The lights flickered a little bit in the evening and I was very glad the power didn't end up going out.

Well, it is time for something new, so this year, I will be posting a new "Funny Stuff" quote from Dave Barry in 2006. I got one of those quote-a-day calendars by Dave Barry for Christmas, so I will have plenty of material for this upcoming year. Besides, the man is funny!

I will also be changing my template....again - hehe. Stay tuned!

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"You never see a smiling runner."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Not all monkeys are good monkeys.)

Humans display their stupid side to wildlife

JOHANNESBURG (Reuters) - A South African mugger fleeing the scene of his crime hides in a tiger enclosure.

On the country's coast, a woman attempts to be a good Samaritan by pushing a young seal into the sea, believing the poor thing is stranded.

Both people paid heavily for their stupidity, underscoring one of nature's truisms: humans do dumb things around wild animals.

"I blame it on Walt Disney, where animals are given human qualities. People don't understand that a wild animal is not something that is nice to pat. It can seriously harm you," said James Cameron, a South African professional hunter.

The cartoon image of wildlife may have prompted a 49-year-old South African woman in October to try to help a seal which she believed was stranded, allowing her 1-year-old grandchild to stroke the creature in the process.

The seal responded by biting off the woman's nose.

Cape Fur Seals are common on South African shores and many have become accustomed to humans.

They are a popular tourist attraction and can be viewed playing in the sea by Cape Town's waterfront -- which may also give a false impression of placid friendliness.

"Cute" seal pups have also been used as potent symbols by groups such as the International Fund for Animal Welfare, further enhancing the animal's "cuddly status".

But they can in fact be dangerous and sometimes attack people who venture too close -- as South Africa's noseless do-gooder discovered to her horror.

TIGER TROUBLE

Then there was the South African robber who made the mistake last month of taking refuge in an enclosure which turned out to be home to a pair of unimpressed tigers.

He had fled into a nearby zoo after security guards heard the screams of a couple he had just mugged in Bloemfontein, about 400 km (250 miles) south-west of Johannesburg.

Unsurprisingly, he was mauled to death by the big cats.

The mugger was not the first South African criminal to err in hiding among zoo animals.

Max, a 200 kg (440 lb.) gorilla, won fame in 1997 after being wounded by a terrified gunman who jumped a moat into his space in Johannesburg's zoo while fleeing police.

Max pinned the fugitive against the wall of his enclosure and guarded him even after being shot until police arrived, making him an instant folk hero in crime-ridden South Africa.

Other people don't realise that you shouldn't get between a mother and her offspring -- especially when dealing with the world's largest land mammal.

In April of this year, an elephant gored a tourist to death in a Ugandan national park after the man, carrying an 8-year-old boy in his arms, approached the animal's calf.

"I think many people are just far removed from nature. People who live in cities often see nature as something that is tame and manageable," said Sue Lieberman, director of the global species programme for conservation group WWF International.

"And wrongly so. We don't need to tame nature, we need to keep the wild out there," she told Reuters.

SHOW-OFFS

Then there are the show-offs.

Lions mauled a South African teenager in March who came too close to their enclosure while trying to impress his girlfriend.

The sixteen-year-old, his girlfriend and his mother were having lunch with the lion keeper when he ignored advice and went off with his girlfriend to see the lions in the breeding section of the park just north of Johannesburg.

The boy went into an area off-limits to the public and touched a lion through the mesh fence.

The lion quickly sank its teeth into his arm and dragged him under the fence before the curator came, drove the four adult lions in the enclosure away and rescued the teenager.

"It just shows a total disregard and disrespect for wild animals," said Cameron.

The boy was luckier than a couple from Taiwan in 1993, who got out of their car to photograph lions up close at a South African game park -- and who were quickly savaged to death by the beasts.

Groovy

Well, I tell you, sometimes I just ain't the brightest crayon in the box. I wrote a blog earlier and somehow I managed to erase the whole thing. I got so ticked off that I wasn't even gonna write a post today (that'll teach me!), but I am going to anyway.

Today has been busier than usual, being that we have a 4-day weekend coming up and everyone is scrambling to finish their cases on time. I got stuck with 2 cases to work, myself and I had to do my supervisor's intake reports (a task which I loathe, because I don't know what the hell I am doing!), and then I wrote up some guidelines on writing case comments for the trainees. Yep...I have been busy. But now it is an hour til I get off from work, so I finally have some free time. (of course, as soon as I said that someone came around the corner to ask me a question - lol).

Anyway, I have to go to the grocery store today, which is something I hate even more than doing intake reports. The grocery store is always crowded and the lines are always long. I hate going there. I really do. At least if I go to Foods Co, I can get some of their Chinese food their. They have great orange chicken - mmmmm. I didn't even eat lunch...well, I had an orange. Didn't have much of a breakfast either. What is with me today???


Well, I am officially hooked on Uproar.com's Family Feud...again. I used to play it all the time a while back, but now I am back! Oh, and that Sudoku Quest game on MSN.com, too. Damn them and their addicting games!

I really didn't have any road rage today...just a minor case of parking lot rage. This morning as I was turning down the aisle in the parking lot of my job, this woman in a car, driving on the wrong side of the aisle, almost hit me. And then she just stared at me as if I were from another planet. This is the USA, buster, and we drive on the right side of the road here! Some people have no brains!

After my little parking lot rage was sated, I continued listening to the radio interview they were doing on Bruce Campbell. Yes, Ash was on the radio. I love Bruce Campbell. He is better than Jake Gyllenhaal and Matt Leinart combined! He is .... groovy. I was 5 minutes late getting to my desk because I wanted to hear the whole interview. (This is my boomstick!!!) He apparently has a novel out called, Make Love! The Bruce Campbell Way. I want that book, and I want it NOW!

Well, I don't have time for a list today. Maybe I will do 2 tomorrow. Or maybe I will just skip today altogether. I gotta run. Someone is asking me another question.

My work is never done.

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"Thanks to our fear of death, no one ever has to die; they can all just pass away. Or expire, like a magazine subscription. If it happens in the hospital, it will be called a terminal episode. The insurance company will refer to it was negative patient-care outcome. And if it's the result of malpractice, they'll say it was a therapeutic misadventure."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Keep your keys away from kitties.)

W.Va. Woman Locked Out of Car by Cat

MORGANTOWN, W.Va. - Locking yourself out of your car is bad enough, but Jeanna Stewart was even more embarrassed when the culprit was not her, but her cat.

The Morgantown resident said she was getting a spare house key out her car's trunk on Monday when her cat Mork, one of three in the car, stepped on the automatic door lock. She couldn't unlock the door because she had left her car keys on the driver's seat.

"He wouldn't unlock the door for me," Stewart said Tuesday. "He was standing there, saying why aren't you opening the door? I want to go inside."

Stewart went into her house and called the Morgantown Fire Department for help. She said she was mainly concerned about freeing Mork and the other cats, Minday and Alex.

"They rescued my three little kitties," Stewart said. "I didn't need a rescue for me, just for them."

Chaos, terror....just another day at the mall.

Oh glorious Bakersfield. Where you can roam the streets safely...where you can leave your doors unlocked and your windows open at night...where you can shop in the mall without fear of being shot....wait a minute. I am not describing Bakersfield. I am describing Fantasy Land. Sadly, no place like that actually exists anymore. I doubt it ever really did. Unless you count Gilligan's Island. But even then, that darned Gilligan was always trying to swipe a coconut cream pie or 2 from the table, not to mention what went on between those chimpanzees and the Skipper when the cameras weren't rolling. Nothing is sacred anymore. Not even shopping. I was at my folks' house last night and my brother had the police scanner on and we heard that someone got shot in the chest (he died later on) and that fights were breaking out all over at the mall. Yes, the mall. The place where Santa Claus lets kids sit on his lap. The place where you can buy chocolate from The Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory. The place where you can shop for birthday cards to your heart's content. The place where you can buy racy lingerie to make your main squeeze happy. Nowhere on the mall sign does it say..."Welcome to the mall. Hope you don't get shot."

Seems like wherever you go you have to watch your back. I heard down in LA some guy got shot in the head while he was eating dinner. He was an innocent victim of a stray bullet. The world is full of crazy people, all trigger happy and loaded up on drugs or booze or maybe just plain old insanity. Some people say, "You need a gun." But, I really don't like guns. Maybe it is because I know what they can do. I watch too much CSI. There are too many crazy people out there, and the last thing they need is a gun. I think people should have to pass a sanity test before they are allowed to buy a gun. "No, I don't think JFK and RFK are conspiring to kill you, and no, I don't think that Nessie and Bigfoot are secret lovers who are really the parents of the Abominable Snowman....no gun for you, buster!"

Speaking of whackos, I read that some woman took out a restraining order against David Letterman....yes, THE David Letterman, citing that he used "coded words to show that he wanted to marry her and train her as his co-host." According to this woman (named Colleen Nestler, in case anyone knows her....she is nuts!!), Mr Letterman "asked her to be his wife during a televised "teaser" for his show by saying, "Marry me, Oprah." Her letter said Oprah was the first of many code names for her and that the coded vocabulary increased and changed with time." She also said that is he or any of his legal team came near her, that she would "break their legs," but this "breaking of the legs" was not a threat. HELLO!!!! Not a threat??? Holy cow, this woman is insane!!! Someone call a doctor. And don't let her buy a gun for crying out loud! (you can read the full story below, in my Stupid News Story of The Day post).

Also showing signs of insanity is Tori Spelling, who announced that she is engaged. Flashback....she just announced that she and her husband were getting a divorce not too long ago. Now suddenly she is dating AND getting engaged? Only in Hollywood people. Only in Hollywood. I guess she likes playing musical husbands or something. Well, good luck. And be sure to sign a prenup.

More signs of insanity in the world: I forgot to mention the whacko at the gas station in LA when I was on vacation. Oh, this guy was a real nut job. Chris's brother had stopped to get gas, and pulled in the empty pump behind another car. Well the guy in front of us finished pumping and left, leaving an open pump. Chris's brother was still pumping the gas when this guy just flies in the open space and comes thisclose to hitting the car. Well, the guy then backs up and pulls up again, again coming extremely close to hitting us. He then gets out of the car and is mouthing some words, which I could not make out. I figured he must have been talking to himself or maybe singing. Who knows. Well, he finishes up pumping the gas while Chris's brother goes in to pay for the gas. As the guy pulls out, he continues to mouth words, but this time I can make out some of what he is saying, and he definitely was not singing, unless it was some gansta rap in which every other word begins with "f" (if you know what I mean). As he is pulling out of the station, he turns and flips us off. I was sitting there thinking, "what is his problem???" I mean, we were just sitting there, and it wasn't like we cut in front of him or anything. We were there first. So, to this day, I have no clue why that crazy nut job flipped us the bird. I guess he was just having a bad morning or something. Only he knows.

Well, I have no road rage moment of the day to share. I know, you are thinking, "You mean nobody pissed her off this morning?" Nope. Well, at least not by means of a vehicle. I did have a major case of neighbor rage though this morning...at 2:30 am. Yes, this morning at 2-freakin-thirty-am, my next door neighbor decided to get up and play his music loud...loud enough to wake me out of my beauty sleep. So if I am REALLY ugly this morning, you know who to blame. And if anyone wants to kick his ass, I will give you his address (haha). I was SO pissed off, because I was having a really good dream about Jake Gyllenhaal and Matt Leinart giving me a sponge bath, and....well, ok...that is enough to give you an idea - hehe. I kicked the wall, hoping to make him shut the hell up,but his music was probably too loud for him to hear anything. I hope he goes deaf, the ass munch! So, I am tired this morning. I don't think any amount of caffeine will kick me into gear this morning. I hate assholes!!!!

Before I get too pissed off, here is a new list...

List the things that really make you tick:

1. Loud, inconsiderate neighbors
2. When people try to get into the elevator before I can get out of it.
3. Crowded places
4. Rude people
5. Tailgaters
6. People who cut me off when I am driving
7. People cutting in front of me in line
8. Dirty bathrooms
9. Ants
10. Knots in my hair (ouch!)

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"I have a very inexpensive security system. If someone breaks into my house, I run next door and throw a brick through my neighbor's window. That sets off his alarm and when the police arrive I direct them to my house."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Some people are crazy, and then some people are CRAZY!)

Restraining Order Against Letterman Tossed

A state judge has lifted a restraining order granted to a Santa Fe woman who accused talk-show host David Letterman of using coded words to show that he wanted to marry her and train her as his co-host.

Judge Daniel Sanchez on Tuesday granted a request by lawyers for Letterman, host of CBS' "Late Show," to quash the temporary restraining order that he earlier granted to Colleen Nestler.

She alleged in a request filed Dec. 15 that Letterman has forced her to go bankrupt and caused her "mental cruelty" and "sleep deprivation" since May 1994.

Nestler requested that Letterman, who tapes his show in New York, stay at least 3 yards away and not "think of me, and release me from his mental harassment and hammering."

Lawyers for Letterman contended the order was without merit.

"He is entitled to a protection of his legal rights and a protection of his reputation," Pat Rogers, an Albuquerque lawyer representing Letterman, told the judge Tuesday.

The New Mexico court doesn't have jurisdiction over Letterman, who is a resident of Connecticut, Rogers said.

Nestler appeared in court without a lawyer and represented herself.

Responding to a question from the judge, Nestler said she had no proof of the allegations she had made against Letterman.

She also said that if Letterman or any of his representatives came near her, "I will break their legs" and establish proof of her allegations.

Nestler said after the court hearing that "I have achieved my purpose. The public knows that this man cannot come near me."

She also said that her comment about breaking legs "is not a threat."

"I appealed to the court for a restraining order to keep this man away from me, but now that's been denied me," she said. "He has access to me. He can actually come for me or send people. He has many accomplices. I know this sounds crazy. I was crazy to have listened to him in the beginning."

Nestler's application for a restraining order was accompanied by a six-page typed letter in which she said Letterman used code words, gestures and "eye expressions" to convey his desires for her.

She wrote that she began sending Letterman "thoughts of love" after his show began in 1993, and that he responded in code words and gestures, asking her to come East.

Nestler said Letterman asked her to be his wife during a televised "teaser" for his show by saying, "Marry me, Oprah." Her letter said Oprah was the first of many code names for her and that the coded vocabulary increased and changed with time.

I was a good girl!

You Were Nice This Year!

You're an uber-perfect person who is on the top of Santa's list. You probably didn't even *think* any naughty thoughts this year. Unless you're a Mormon, you've probably been a little too good. Is that extra candy cane worth being a sweetheart for 365 days straight?

Were You Naughty or Nice This Year?

I am back!

I am back from my Christmas vacation. I had a great time. We went to a lot of places and saw a lot of things. And I spent Christmas Eve and Christmas day with my parents, brother and my grandmother. It was really nice. For a complete rundown on my vacation, you can check out my other blog at www.kimmerzy.blogspot.com and check out the new photos in my Yahoo Photo Album. Anyway, now it is back to work for me. But...I have another 4 days off coming up on Friday - hehe. Sometimes, working for the county has its benefits ;)

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"Have you ever noticed that when you're drivin', anyone goin' slower than you is an idiot? And anyone goin' faster than you is a maniac? 'Will you just look at this idiot!' [points right] 'Look at him! Just creepin' along! [swings head left] 'Look at that maniac go!' Why, I tell ya, folks, it's a wonder we ever get anywhere at all these days, what with all the idiots and maniacs out there. Because no one ever drives at my speed."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(There is no love like the love between a man and his cow)

Man Pleads No Contest to Cattle Relations

NEILLSVILLE, Wis. - A 64-year-old man has pleaded no contest to charges in Clark County Circuit Court after telling police he regularly had been using calves for sexual gratification.

Harold G. Hart was placed on two years probation Thursday and ordered to have psychological counseling and an alcohol and drug abuse assessment after pleading to charges of sexual gratification with an animal and disorderly conduct.

According to the criminal complaint, the family living on the farm Hart visited, installed a motion sensor because they had seen suspicious footprints and vehicle tracks.

When the sensor sounded, Hart was caught leaving the barn. He later told police the farm was a routine stop, usually after bar closing or on trips to strip clubs near Marshfield or Neillsville.

Hart told police he had gone to the farm at least 50 times in the last year, sometimes two to four times in a week.