Who will stay and who will go?

Ok - So I missed the first half of last night's AI because I was standing in line at the UPS place picking up my package of camera batteries, so I can't make a qualified prediction on who is gonna stay or who is gonna go. But when it comes down to it, I think it will be Elliott that goes home, even though I REALLY want him to stay. I think he deserves to stay. I am not that captivated by Taylor's funky dancing or on-stage antics, and frankly, the last part of the last song he did last night sucked ass, but you know he will be staying. Of course, that is what I said about Chris and look what happened to him. So, in my mind, no one is a shoe in to make it to the final 2, but I think it will come down to Taylor and Katharine. Katharine did a perfect rendition of "Over The Rainbow." It was just awesome. I think that performance alone will get her into the finals. We shall see.

Phobia of The Day

Brontophobia: fear of thunder and lightning

Random Fact of The Day

Thunder is the sound of the shockwave caused when lightning heats up the air around it to 54,000 degrees F. The hot air expands rapidly, then contracts as it cools. This expansion and contraction generates sound waves, making the sound we call "thunder."

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"The poker guys on TV are usually playing 'Texas Hold-Em,' which is the hottest poker game at the moment, although there are many other popular variations of poker, including Seven Card Stud, Five Card Draw, Alabama Grope 'Em, Omaha High Low, Iowa Bore 'Em, Six Card High Low Medium Jacks Wild Stud Draw Go Fish, Cincinnati Lawn Flamingo, Florida Recount 'Em, Kansas City Clam Enhancer, Arkansas Geld 'Em, New Jersey Whack 'Em, New York Kvetch 'Em, Red Rover, and Whist."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Must...lick....feet!)

Homeless Foot-Licker Charged in Calif.

SANTA ANA, Calif. - A homeless Orange County man who allegedly licked the feet of five boys after promising to cast them in a television commercial has been charged with lewd conduct, officials said Tuesday.

Steven Michael Jones, 43, will be arraigned in Newport Beach Friday, said Sheriff's Department Spokesman Jim Amormino.

Jones, of San Clemente, was charged with five felony counts of lewd acts with a child and one misdemeanor of child annoyance, Amormino said. All the victims were under 14.

If convicted on all counts, Jones faces 16 years in prison.

Sheriff's deputies arrested Jones April 14 near the shore in San Clemente. Witnesses told authorities Jones was wearing a suit the day before when he approached three boys sitting on a bench, Amormino said.

"It's unusual for someone to wear a suit to the beach," Amormino said.

The boys had just come off the beach and were not wearing shoes. Jones allegedly promised them a part in a Johnson & Johnson television commercial, telling them he first needed to inspect their feet, Amormino said.

"He allegedly licked the bottom of one of the boys' feet. The other two boys ran away," Amormino said.

Jones allegedly used a similar ruse March 28 on four boys near Dana Point Library. He said he'd pay them $1,500 to appear in a commercial, but first had to inspect their feet, Amormino said. Jones allegedly licked the feet of all four boys, Amormino said.

Jones was being held on $115,000 bail.

Caption This!

"David Jones's severe allergies were always a big problem during springtime, so he should have known better than to have walked into that garden..."


post your own funny caption in a comment if you would like.

Flip-flopping my work day away

I know it's May, but I think summer is officially arrived in Bakersfield. It was 97 degrees when I left work yesterday, and it is supposed to be 94 today, and in the 90's for the rest of the week. Or maybe this year is just gonna be one of those freaksome years where it is hotter than usual (note that the average high temps for May in B-Town are the low 80's). Then looking ahead to next week, it says it is going to be 72 on Monday, then back up to 91 on Wednesday. Up and down the weather goes (And OF COURSE it is gonna be nice on Monday ...when I am at work).

Now that it is "summer," the summer dress code is in force at work, which is great. That means I don't have to wear pantyhose (aka the devil's socks) when I wear a skirt or when I wear sandals. But the thing that just irks me about this whole dress code is the part where it deems what is and what is not acceptable footwear. Now, I can see that plastic thongs would be unacceptable. This is, after all, a business, and you wear thongs to the beach or pool and not to the office. But this whole part that says you can't wear shoes that make a "flip flop" sound when you walk, because that supposedly is too distracting to other people to hear, just is plain stupid. I wore some sandals (not thongs) that make a flip flop sound when I walk to work today. I tried to see what the whole fuss was about but I didn't see anything. Hell, when I walk, you don't even notice the sound of the shoes because you can't really hear them over the sound of other people talking and typing. Hell, the typing sounds are louder than my damned shoes, so screw them. I am wearing them and if they say anything, I am gonna point out that the sounds of people typing and talking are louder than my shoes, and until they ban typing and talking, I am gonna continue to wear my flip-flopping shoes. They are comfortable, and comfort is my #1 priority when it comes to my feet. Besides, those high heel shoes make a whole hell of a lot more noise when people walk that my piddly sandals do. If they don't like my shoes, they can all just bite me. (But if they do, I am gonna throw my flip-flopping shoes at their miserable, flip-flop-hating heads).

Speaking of annoying things, my email junk mail folder overfloweth. I was getting some 100 junk emails a day and decided that emptying it out on a daily basis was more trouble that it was worth, so I chose to ignore it. So now, I have over ten-thousand junk emails in my box. GRRRRR. How annoying. I think I am gonna try to get it up to 20,000 next - lol.

My junk mail box overfloweth

This is what happens to your junk mail box when you don't clean it out for months.

Phobia of The Day

Arachibutyrophobia: fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth

Random Fact of The Day

Dutch peanut butter is called "pindakaas" which literally translates into "peanut cheese."

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"All poker games are essentially the same: A person (or, in poker slang, 'dealer') gives you some cards ('cards'), which you look at in a furtive manner ('sneaking a gander') to see if you have a good hand ('bling bling') after which you bet (or 'kiss the eel') by placing money ('cheese') into the pot ('marijuana'). This goes on until somebody ('not you') wins, at which point all the losers express heartfelt congratulations in colorful slang terms."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(See. A penny really IS worth something.)

Power Is Shut Off Over One Cent

FLINT, Mich. - It was just a penny, but to Consumers Energy it was enough to cut off power in a local home. Jacqueline Williams, 41, of Flint had an electricity bill of $1,662.08 and paid all of it, except for one cent. That wasn't enough for the power company, which blacked her out for seven hours Wednesday.

The CMS Energy Corp. subsidiary told Williams the power would not be turned on until the penny was received.

"I went down there, paid my penny and got a receipt," Williams told The Flint Journal.

Shortly after, the electricity was turned back on.

"All of this for one penny," said Williams, who went to the state Department of Human Services for help in April and was told the agency would pay most of the bill.

But she was still short more than $500.

Williams, a Social Security recipient, went to the Salvation Army, where she received $430.67, and Consumers agreed to match $430.66 toward the bill.

However, she was still one cent short.

A Consumers Energy spokesman said that the utility had no choice in the matter, though he was not aware of any similar incidents where service was stopped for one cent.

"This was the first one I've heard about," said Terry DeDoes. He said the company has many programs to help people who fall behind in their utility bills.

Williams said she doesn't want to find herself in the same situation again.

"I'm praying to God I stay on top of my bills," she said.

Mirror Lake in Yosemite National Park

Posted by Picasa

Yosemite Weekend

I went to Yosemite this weekend. It was so nice. The weather was perfect and the waterfalls were flowing. Gorgeous place. I would go every weekend if I lived closer. My feet are very sore though. I posted pics and wrote all about it and you can find that BY CLICKING HERE. If you wanna see the pics but skip the boring reading, then you can CLICK HERE. Or go all out and do both. I don't care - lol.

I have to go to civil rights training in a few, so I gotta cut this short. Yep...we all have to go and get training on how to be civilized. Even though we do it every year. I guess they think that after a year we forget all our training and go back to being heathens again.

Phobia of The Day

Ophidiophobia - Fear of Snakes

Random Fact of The Day

The rattlesnake's rattle is made up of a series of nested, hollow beads which are actually modified scales from the tip of its tail. Each time the snake sheds its skin, a new rattle segment is added. You cannot tell a snake's age by the number of rattle segments on its tail, as the snake may shed its skin several times a year.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

Commencement Address to the College Class of 2006

"Yes, graduates, as much as you love your Mom and Dad, you're realistic enough to understand that deep down inside, that they are the two most annoying human beings on the planet. And so the time will come - I give it six weeks - when you realize that you can no longer continue living with them. And so you will summon your courage, take a deep breath, and ask them to move out. It's only fair! They've had the house practically to themselves for years! Now it's your turn! Let THEM go work at Starbucks."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Oops. My bad.)

Cops Lose $31K After Tossing Broken Desk

SOMERVILLE, Mass. - More than $31,000 in drug money seized by Somerville police now is buried forever under tons of garbage in a Rochester, N.H., landfill after officers accidentally stashed the cash in a broken desk drawer that was being discarded.

The drug money went missing after an evidence room technician, who had been cleaning out evidence rooms at police headquarters since last Wednesday, put the $31,535 in the drawer of the broken desk, said acting police Chief Robert Bradley. On Monday, while the technician was out of the office, two other officers involved in the evidence room cleanup threw out the desk, along with broken chairs and furniture for spring cleaning.

Bradley said the normal evidence room technician came back to work, but immediately noticed that the desk was missing. Officials eventually found that the trash and the drawer unit had been hauled to the New Hampshire landfill.

On Wednesday, Somerville officers went to the New Hampshire to try and dig up the cash. However they found it was buried under hundreds of tons of super-dense, hydraulically compacted waste, and there was no way to get to it, even with heavy equipment.

"A very bad mistake," Bradley said of losing the money.

Bradley said the department was investigating to determine whether any disciplinary action was appropriate.

The $31,535, which covers about a dozen investigations conducted by Somerville police since July 1, 2005, was to have been split between the department and the Middlesex County district attorney's office if prosecutors won convictions in those cases.

Happy Friday!

do the Friday dance!

Baby, one more time

By now EVERYONE should know that Federspears is having another baby. Apparently Kevin Federline isn't happy just having 3 kids in this world....no. He wants to create his own baseball team....the Federline Corn Rows. Yeah. Britney's got another bun in the oven. Apparently the girl didn't learn her lesson the first time around. Hasn't she heard of birth control? (and with Kevin Federline, the more birth control the better!!!) As a little homage to the less than dynamic duo, I wrote a little song, from Sean Preston's point of view...

Oh baby, baby,
Mommy's tummy's starting to grow.
She let my greasy daddy back inside her.
Oh baby, baby,
Doesn't my mommy know,
That birth control's not a crime, yeah.
Someone buy my mom a baby car seat,
In fact, buy two, one for the baby and one for me,
Oh because,

The strength of my dad's fertility,
And my mom's immaturity,
Have come together to extend my family.
Please don't run that stop sign,
And don't drop me mommy, one more time.

Poor Sean Preston. Poor future Federspears. As Carlos Mencia said, Britney should get her vagina sewn shut! And fast. The thought of 10 or 11 Federspears kids running around is scary!

Caption This!

Sahir had a strange feeling that someone was behind him.



post your own funny caption in a comment if you would like.

Phobia of The Day

Acrophobia: Fear of heights.

Random Fact of The Day

Mt. Everest is the tallest mountain in the world, at 29,028 feet tall. Its summit ridge marks the border between China and Nepal.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"What happens if a big asteroid hits Earth ? Judging from realistic simulations involving a sledge hammer and a common laboratory frog, we can assume it will be pretty bad. "

Stupid News Story of The Day

(At least they know it works.)

Shotgun Goes Off at Auction, Shooting Two

BELLEVUE, Iowa - An auction to benefit a family whose home burned down went off with a bang. Fortunately, no one was seriously hurt. Darrell Clasen and John Moellers were both shot when a 10-gauge shotgun accidentally discharged at the auction on Sunday.

Police said a 10-year-old boy put a shell in the gun, which was on a table of things to be auctioned. A man later picked up the gun and it discharged, police said.

Moellers was hit in the shoulder. Clasen was struck in the arm. Both men were taken to a the hospital where they were treated and released.

Clasen said he heard the gun go off.

"It was loud," he said. "I could see the smoke from the gun and then I felt it. It didn't hurt, but it was like a burning sensation."

Clasen said both he and Moellers were going to be OK. He said no one is holding a grudge.

"Everybody learned a lesson," he said.

There were about 200 people at the benefit and the boy apparently was able to put the shell in the gun unnoticed because of the noise of the crowd, police said.

The benefit was being held for a family whose home burned down last month.

___

Information from: Telegraph Herald, http://www.thonline.com

Yes, I changed my template. I thought it was time for a change. I assure you that you are at the right place....assuming, of course, that you actually WANTED to come here - lol.

More American Idol crap

I am still mad about Chris getting booted from American Idol. I think the American public has gone nuts to pick Katharine over Chris, but then I am inclined to think that the votes don't actually count anyway. Stupid show. Still, I was reading around and what some people had to say actually made sense. For one, Chris is the "rocker" and no "rocker" has ever won American Idol. Last year Bo Bice came close, but in the end, the All-American Carrie Underwood took it all. Second, Chris is better not winning the show because I doubt very many bands would take him too seriously as the winner of American Idol. He got enough exposure on the show that someone is gonna pick him up, and yes, there are rumors that he might be the next lead singer for Fuel. I have read that on many places. Thirdly, he didn't have the likeable factor that Taylor and Katharine have. Taylor is a crowd pleaser. I don't think his music will translate as well to an audio record as it would to maybe something like Broadway or something, where his charisma would come in handy. And of course, Katharine has the teenage boys' vote now that all the other girls are out of the competition. Chris has power in his voice and a commanding stage presence, but he didn't compromise himself (which I don't think one should ever do in the first place, but then the show is a popularity contest and not always a talent contest, and sometimes to win, you gotta compromise...kudos to him for not doing so.). I think, again this is going on whether or not you think the votes actually count, that many of the voters thought that Chris was a shoe-in and didn't NEED the votes to make it to the final 3. So they voted for Elliot, the underdog, and Katharine because she was in danger of being eliminated. Taylor, who has never been in the lowest votes range, was obviously safe. Of course, this left Chris in the dust, but so what. You know you will be seeing more of him.

I am still pissed though. Grrrrr

Phobia of The Day

Melissophobia: Fear of bees

Random Fact of The Day

A honeybee's stinger evolved primarily as a weapon in inter-bee combat between different hives. The stinger, although barbed, can easily penetrate another bee's exoskeleton and retract safely, thus allowing it to sting multiple times. It is only when it stings a mammal that the barbed stinger becomes lodged in the victim's skin, tearing it loose from the bee's abdomen, leading to its death.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"Men, you really CAN overcome your wife's resistance to a new TV, if you (a) take the time to listen - really listen - to her objections; then (b) respond patiently and sincerely, without resorting to browbeating; then (c) when she falls asleep, smash your current TV screen with a brick. 'I don't know how it happened!' should be your explanation. 'I was tossing a brick around in the family room like I always do, and BOOM! Now if we don't get a new, larger TV, we'll have no way to watch Oprah, or romantic movies starring Hugh Grant!' That will get her. Women LOVE Hugh Grant, Mr. Charming with his floppy hair and his accent. I bet he has a tiny diagonal. Not that I think about it."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(You don't even know where those feet have been!)

Man admits NY foot-fetish assaults
By Jeanne King

NEW YORK (Reuters) - A 23-year-old with a foot fetish has admitted he tried to kiss, fondle and lick the legs and toes of more than 70 women on the New York subway over the last three years, prosecutors said on Wednesday.

In a handwritten confession to police released by the Manhattan district attorney's office, Joseph Weir said his aim was "to make them laugh and smile and open to talk to me."

Weir, who was arrested late last week after attacking a woman on a subway in lower Manhattan, is charged with forcible touching, sex abuse and unlawful imprisonment -- the latter charge referring to his habit of grabbing his victims' legs and not letting go.

He faces up to a year in jail if convicted and has been released on $6,000 (3,200 pound) bail until a court hearing on June 26.

In a rambling confession peppered with grammatical errors, Weir, who lives in Brooklyn, detailed how he accosted the women while riding the subways between Manhattan and the borough of Queens.

"I get on my knees, bow, grab their feet, kiss them. I grab their hand and tell them 'You're so beautiful. I'm not worthy,'" he wrote. "I do not give me real name. If they ask I will tell them my name is Anthony, Jason or Careem."

Weir said his motivation was to get to know the women, but he recalled that often they would move away when he tried to "taste and touch them."

"Some women had kick(ed) me and screamed," he wrote. "I've done this to about 70 women, mostly black."

Prosecutors said dozens of women had started to come forward to identify Weir, who told detectives in his confession that he lived with his parents and two sisters.

"I am currently unemployed," he wrote, adding that he had been fired from his previous job with a sightseeing company.

In his confession, Weir apologised to his victims, saying: "I don't mean to hurt no body and I am sorry."

Screw American Idol...and their little Seacrest too

I am sooooo mad. Chris was voted off American Idol. Chris!!! What the hell?!?! He was the best singer of all of them. I think American Idol is rigged or something cuz there is no way, NO way that Katharine could have gotten more votes than Chris. And Taylor's frantic dance moves have officially started to bore me. God, will someone give that boy some ritalin?If anyone deserves to be the American Idol of the final 3 contestants it is Elliot. Elliot is unpretentious and talented. Taylor is just weird. Katharine has her ups and downs. But I am still pissed that Chris was voted off. GRRRRRRR!!!! I hate Ryan Seacrest, too. He has to drag out the results and make all of the contestants uncomfortable. Must be nice to have a cushy job. Maybe they should vote on whether to keep him on or not. Maybe then he wouldn't look so smug. I hate him. He is so freakin' metro. What is with this metrosexual crap? Why can't men just be content on looking like men?! Grrrrr. Why did he make the most beautiful list on People magazine. Why is Hugh Laurie not on there. Now there's a man! I am ranting, I know. Screw American Idol. I ain't watching anymore.

Oh hell. You know I will be watching again next week. But I reserve the right to remain pissed.

GRRRRRRR!

Caption This!

Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?



post your own funny caption in a comment if you want to.

Me so tired...so sleepy

I am in a rut.

I am tired all of the time. I have no energy. The pain has been more than usual and I get headaches all of the time. Is it the weather? Is it that I just need a vacation? Or is it that I am bored? I don't know. I am just tired of being tired all of the time.

I am sitting here at work, typing this because if I don't, I fear I will fall asleep at my desk - lol. I soooo want a nap. I could use a nap. When we are kids, we are expected to take naps. Why? Because we, as kids, play a lot and get tired and need a rest. Well, as adults, the playing changes to working, and I don't know about you, but working makes me tired. So why no more naps? I want nap time, damnit! Bring nap time to the workplace! I promise I won't drool at my desk.

The problem with me is that I get very little uninterrupted sleep. I go to bed and wake up at least 3 times a night. And no, it's not because of my bed. I don't need one of those special mattresses that the Bionic Woman has been advertising about...you know...the Sleep Number mattress...the one that gives her a more recuperative sleep. No. My bed is cumfy. Very cumfy. I love my bed. I am just a light sleeper. Every little noise wakes me up. Whether it be my next noor neighbor closing his door or the people across the way talking outside in the middle of the night, or a dog barking or the train going by. I wake up all of the time. I have even tried earplugs but that just unnerves me because, oddly enough, I need to hear some kind of noise to fall asleep...a clock ticking, soft music on the radio. So I guess I am S.O.L there. I am just weird!
So my lack of a good night's sleep is wearing me out and also making me cranky and is possibly contributing to more arthritis pain. There has got to be something out there than can make me sleep better. I have tried OTC sleeping pills, but those don't do much for me. Maybe I just need someone to come sing me a lullabye at night before I go to bed - LOL.

Well, it is almost lunch time and I am debating whether I wanna eat or take a nap. If anyone has any ideas how I can do both at the same time, I wanna hear 'em.

I still want that job at the Serta Mattress factory testing out mattresses. I can lie down all day long and if I fall asleep, I can just blame it on how cumfy the mattress is. Now there's a job I could handle!

Phobia of The Day

Selenophobia: Fear of the moon

Random Fact of The Day

The average distance between the earth and the moon is 238,857 miles.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

Commencement Address to the College Class of 2006

"Does the fact that you, a grown adult, are moving back in with your parents mean that you're a sponging loser? Yes. You are Spongebob LoserPants. No! Sorry! I mean: No. It's fine! Your parents don't mind! They're thrilled to have you back home! Even from way up here on the podium I can hear their teeth grinding with joy. Besides, it's only temporary, right? In time you'll get tired of living with your parents, with their constant nagging about how you need to find a job, or at least help you with the housework, and could you put gas in Dad's car when you borrow it, and can you explain the Mystery Thong that Dad found in the backseat cup holder; and MY GOD IS THAT A TATTOO, and could you not play that music so loud at night, or could you at least play some DECENT music, we're not 'squares' you know, we like GOOD rock 'n' roll, we like The Mamas and The Papas, the Beatles - though not the later Beatles..."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(It's so nice to see a mom getting involved with her children's pranks.)

Mom Said to Help Girls Bake Ex-Lax Cookies

SKOWHEGAN, Maine - A 43-year-old woman is charged with helping her daughter and two other teenage girls bake cookies laced with a laxative that were then given to a teacher.

Julie Hunt appeared in Skowhegan District Court on Monday and pleaded innocent to a charge of misdemeanor assault.

Hunt was arrested Friday after a police investigation into the attempted prank at Carrabec Community School in Anson that sickened four seventh and eighth-grade children.

The cookies, which were baked with Ex-Lax, were left on the teacher's desk on April 10 with a note saying, "We made these cookies just for you, hope you enjoy them."

According to a police affidavit, Hunt told the girls how to crush the laxative pills and mix them in with the cookie batter. The girls, who are 13 and 14, used an entire box of pills, the affidavit says.

Mary Adley, the principal of the school, called police on April 24 after hearing two girls talking about the incident.

Maine State Police Lt. Dale Lancaster said that the girls were not facing criminal charges. The affidavit said all three girls were suspended by school officials.

But Hunt's involvement could not be overlooked, Lancaster said.

"If you assist children with perpetrating these kinds of crimes, you will be charged," he said.

Elvis has left the building

Tonight's American Idol was all about Elvis. I was kinda wondering how this would go over, but overall, it went well. I think Katharine had the weakest performances of the night, with Elliot having the best of all. Elliot really stepped it up a notch tonight. His vocals were right on and he even brought out some of his personality.

Taylor's first song, "Jailhouse Rock," sucked. I didn't care for it at all. It was too hokey and too much for show. It reminded me of something you would see at a karaoke bar. I did, however, love his second song, "In The Ghetto." Although he did lose points for flashing up his finger to signal to vote for #1. Ugh. I hate it when they do that. And of course, he had to shout "soul patrol" again. I am getting annoyed with that, but oh well.

Chris did well on both of his songs. Unlike Simon, I liked his second song better than his first. He is typically the best of the bunch, but I found myself liking Elliot better.

Elliot, well, he was just awesome. Both of his performances were spot on perfect. I liked the way he stepped it up and didn't play it safe. Kudos, Elliot. Kudos. You would have my vote........if I actually voted (hehe).

Katharine, overall, was the weakest of the night. Her first song, a combo of "Hound Dog" and "All Shook Up" was kinda hokey. I think she tried to do something different, but it didn't work. Plus her attempts at dancing were worse than Taylor's. I liked her second song, "I Can't Help Falling In Love With You"....at first. Like Simon said, it turned showy and over the top at the key change in the middle. There is nothing wrong with that song to begin with. Why did they have to go and change it? It didn't work for me.

I dunno. I used to say it would be Katharine and Chris at the end, but now I am thinking that Katharine is gonna go. I love her voice, but tonight she just wasn't on her game. If it were my choice, I would send Taylor packing soley for his "Jailhouse Rock" performance. It was just so lame. But his second song did redeem him. I dunno. It is gonna be tough.

I think it is gonna be Katharine that gets sent home though. At least she is the one who deserves to go home. Still, I think Elliot may be in danger, even though he was the best of the night. I hope the voters vote right! Keep Elliot!!

Caption This!

Wang Lee, frustrated by the rising prices of gasoline, tries out a new form of transportation.

Post your own funny caption in a comment if you want to.

Phobia of The Day

Phengophobia - Fear of daylight or sunshine.

Random Fact of The Day

1 astronomical unit (AU) is equivalent to the length of the mean distance between the earth and the sun, which is about 93 million miles.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

Rudeness Rules

"This rule was suggested by our Research Department, Judi Smith, who one day will open fire with a machine gun in a public restroom. If you're a woman using a toilet, and, because you are dainty and fastidious, you elect not to sit on the seat, but instead hover over it like a UFO from the Planet Weewee, and as a result you spatter the seat, do NOT just leave your mess, as if no human will ever use this toilet again. CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELF."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Fire! Fire!)

Ex-Fire Chief Accused of Setting 9 Fires

MILAN, N.Y. - A former fire chief in the Hudson Valley was accused Monday of setting nine brush fires in the past three months. Eric Thorley, 47, who led the Milan Fire Department for five years, was charged with nine counts of arson and nine counts of reckless endangerment, according to state police.

Current fire Chief Jeffrey Galm said Thorley was "one of the last people I would ever expect to be involved."

Thorley was a founding member of the fire department and served as a volunteer from 1974 until his arrest.

Suspicious fire officials contacted state police when they noticed the fires were in similar back-road locations.

Milan is about 50 miles south of Albany.

When it's hot, it's danged hot

It looks like summer is just around the corner. I was soooooo enjoying the nice low 80's temperatures, but now they are on the rise. The 90's have arrived, which means triple digits are not far behind. Ugh. I hate it when it gets so danged hot. The average highs in June, July and August are all in the upper 90's, but maybe this year it will be cooler. I can be optimistic can't I? When I am at work, I don't mind the hot weather. After all, I sit in an air-conditioned building for 10 hours a day, so I can't complain. However, when I go outside to get into my car to get lunch or to go home for the day, the car is like 120 degrees inside. Ouch! I hate it when I go to bed at midnight and it is still 90 degrees outside. I hate it when I wake up in the morning to go to work and it is already 85 outside. I hate summer!!! Let me rephrase that...I hate Bakersfield summers. Other places, like the beach, are perfectly wonderful in the summer. But Bakersfield....not only is it freakishly hot outside, but you also have to deal with "brown air" (smog). The smog is so thick here in the summer that you can't even see the mountains. And everyday the weatherman says that the air quality is "unhealthy" or "hazardous." Sure makes me wanna get out of bed in the morning!! I keep saying we have no air "quality" to speak of here. I guess it could be worse. We could have LA air - haha.

I guess I should stop complaining about how cold this building is. It just seems funny that I have to wear a jacket in here to keep warm. Sure, it feels good when you have just come into the building after driving to work or coming back from lunch, but after a little while it is just brrrrr!

On a side note, it's amazing what a difference a little more memory makes. I finally got around to installing a memory upgrade in my computer yesterday evening. I put it off because I thought it was gonna be a pain in the ass, but it only took 5 minutes. Now my computer runs so much faster. It is almost like having a brand new one. Blessed be the makers of memory cards. Blessed be!!!

Hi ho, it's off to the park I go

Well, I decided to make this last weekend a driving weekend. I had pretty much made up my mind on Thursday that on Friday I was gonna take a drive to Joshua Tree National Park. Now to those people who don't know California too well, Joshua Tree is about 4 hours from Bakersfield, near Indio, CA. And it is in the desert. I pretty much figured that this would be the last weekend before it started to get REALLY hot there and the last time I would be able to see the wildflowers blooming this year. So, I went. I had a blast by myself. I left around 9:30 and got there about 1:30 and didn't get home to my apartment til about midnight that night. Had I owned a tent, I would have camped out. But I had no tent, so no camping for me. It was a long day though, but I took many pictures, and by now you should know where to find them, but just in case you haven't caught on, you can click HERE to see them.

On Saturday, I went back to Carrizo Plain (which is only about an hour and a half away from Bake-O). I had gotten a new telephoto lens for my digital camera and wanted to try it out some more. The snakes were awake and looking for dinner! I saw 5 of them that day (3 Western Rattlesnakes and 2 Gopher Snakes). Being the animal lover I am, I pushed them all off the road with a stick. None of them liked that very much, but better to be pissed off than to be smooshed by a car. I got some cool pictures which you can also see HERE. Of course, I was never in any danger of getting bitten. I am not gonna be stupid enough to try to catch a rattlesnake (I ain't no Crocodile Hunter, crikey!). I stayed far enough away to avoid the snakes' strike zones (they can strike about 70% of their body length), all in the while respecting their awesome power and beauty (yes, I said beauty in reference to a snake - I love snakes!). I had never been so close to a rattlesnake before. The closest I came to one, outside of a zoo, is the dead body of one that my mom had hacked to pieces with a hoe in our front yard in Lebec. So this was way cool to me!

Yeah. I am sure a lot of people would not find driving all day to a desert and back in one day (I also saw a rattler there, too) and then spending the next day up on a windy plain looking at snakes particularly "fun", but then I am a little on the odd side, so it was fun to me.

On Sunday, there was a marathon of Ghost Hunters on the Sci Fi Channel, and I was all glued to the tv watching that. Now those ghosts are a lot more frightening than snakes! Very cool show. Makes me wanna go out and look for haunted houses!

In other news, my brother is surely pissed cuz the Lakers, after being ahead in game wins, lost the series to the Suns, so there will be no trophy for them this year. Phooey on the Lakers. Phooey.

Random Fact of The Day

The electric eel (a species of knifefish), is capable of generating powerful electric shocks of up to 650 volts, which it uses for both hunting and self-defense.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

Rudeness Rules

"If you're talking on your cell phone in public and people keep glancing at you, it's not because they're impressed by the fact that you are a busy, productive person. It's because YOU'RE TALKING TOO LOUD."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Good boy. Here's your joint.)

Boy Does Homework, Smokes Pot With Mom

HANOVER, Pa. - A 13-year-old boy told police his mother required him to do his homework first thing when he got off the school bus, then smoked marijuana with him as a reward.

The mother said she had been smoking marijuana with her son since he was 11, usually as a reward, according to court documents.

The police interview came after officers executed a search warrant at the woman's home last weekend and seized marijuana, an array of drug paraphernalia and $600 in cash that she said belonged to a drug dealer, court documents said.

Amanda Lynn Livelsberger, 30, faces charges of marijuana possession, corruption of minors, endangering the welfare of children and possession with intent to distribute drug paraphernalia, police said.

A telephone listing for Livelsberger couldn't be found and it wasn't clear if she had an attorney.

Open wide...

Oh good lord I am sleepy. Soooo sleepy. At least it is our flex day tomorrow, which means no work (yeeeeehaaaaw!) so I can sleep my lazy ass in. And you know I will ! When it comes to sleeping in, I am queen.

Last night's episode of South Park was so freakin' hilarious. I loved it when Cartman's mom brought in the "dog whisperer" to try to tame Cartman. Too funny!!! It is nice to see South Park has not lost its edge.

Today I get to go to the "fun" doctor (and by "fun" I am being sarcastic). Men, just be glad that you are men. Be glad that you don't have to lie on your back on a table, with some paper gown barely covering parts that the doctor is gonna expose anyway, and then have some cold metal thing shoved up your vagina and clamped into place while the doctor sticks some wooden spoon-like object up to scrape some of your cells off of your insides, and THEN shoves his finger up inside of you while pressing down on your pelvis at the same time, causing so much pressure you feel like you are gonna pee in his face (which would be FUNNY as hell if that ever happened - lol). Then, he presses down on your boobs and rubs them all over to check for lumps, all the while asking things like "How's the weather?" or "How's your job going?", which you feel compelled to answer because, after all, that would be the polite thing to do, but at the same time you are embarassed, and find yourself staring at the ceiling, just praying for it to be over soon, because he is nearly on top of you checking out all of your naughty bits, and right in front of the nurses. It is SUCH an uncomfortable situation. And a situation I am glad I only have to go thru once a year. Unless, of course, he finds something wrong and you have to go back to have biopsies done, a thing I have gone thru before several times. All I can say is "ouch."

So, between the dentist and the gynocologist, this week has sucked a whole lot of ass. Hopefully, next week will be completely suck-free.

Phobia of The Day

Ichthyophobia: Fear of fish.

Random Fact of The Day

The male anglerfish is born with no digestive system. He must find a female quickly to attach himself to or he will die.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

Commencement Address to the College Class of 2006

"You, the members of the Class of 2006, have committed the grave tactical blunder of acquiring enough credits to graduate. So now you're leaving college and embarking on the greatest adventure - and biggest challenge - of your young lives: moving back in with your parents."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(It's death that gives it its "special taste.")

Hungary workers get shock at bottom of rum barrel

BUDAPEST (Reuters) - Hungarian builders who drank their way to the bottom of a huge barrel of rum while renovating a house got a nasty surprise when a pickled corpse tumbled out of the empty barrel, a police magazine website reported.

According to online magazine www.zsaru.hu, workers in Szeged in the south of Hungary tried to move the barrel after they had drained it, only to find it was surprisingly heavy and were shocked when the body of a naked man fell out.

The website said that the body of the man had been shipped back from Jamaica 20 years ago by his wife in the barrel of rum in order to avoid the cost and paperwork of an official return.

According to the website, workers said the rum in the 300-liter barrel had a "special taste" so they even decanted a few bottles of the liquor to take home.

The wife has since died and the man was buried in a proper grave.

We'll always have Paris

Well, Paris was voted off American Idol tonight. I liked her, but I knew she wouldn't win the whole thing. I felt sorry for her. I knew it was gonna be Paris and Elliot in the bottom 2. I love Elliot's voice and I am sick to death of hearing, "well, he just doesn't have the whole package." (voice and looks). So what if he is not the most handsome guy. He still can sing. And I think he can sing better than Taylor (who hasn't seen the bottom group yet - his time will come...just wait). Elliot has grown on me. I always root for him to do well.

You know what else I am sick of.....that danged "Had a Bad Day" song. I think that song wore out its welcome after the first time they played it. (Besides, I am sure the last thing the loser of the night wants to hear is "You had a bad day.")

Another thing I am sick of seeing, and this is way off the topic,( but it is MY blog so, whatevah, I do what I want), are those political ads showing politicians reading to kids and talking way too much with their hands. They try to make themselves seem so committed to the cause, and so dramatic, and that they love kids and all this bogus boloney, but I know better. People will do or say anything to get elected, and then when they do, they conveniently "forget" all of their campaign promises. Get some honesty in your campaigns. It may no be nice, but at least it will be truthful.

And was it just me or did tonight's episode of House just plain rock? I love that danged show. More House please!!! MORE HOUSE!

Get out of my temporal lobe, House.

Well, my dentist trips are over.......for now. I got my 4th filling done this morning. Not too much pain actually. My mouth is still sore from where he stabbed me in the mouth with the novacaine shot, but other than that, it was a piece of cake. Cake...ugh. Cake = sugar. Sugar = cavities. Bad reference. (even worse is that I am drinking a cherry Dr Pepper from Sonic as I type - lol)

I have decided that I no longer like anything that tastes or smells like piña-colada. And this is all the dentist's fault. The stuff he puts in my mouth before he does the actual shot tastes and smells like piña-colada. And the novacaine itself tastes like piña-colada. Piña-colada = BAD! Me no likey!

I am officially removing Matt Leinart from my hot dudes list. You know why? Because I read that he is involved with Ms Skank Queen herself, Paris Hilton. Good lord, Mr Leinart. You can do way better than Drama Queen Hilton. I am now replacing him with Hugh Laurie. He is on top of my Hot Dudes list, and shall remain there forever (as long as he does not become involved with Skank Hilton).

Speaking of Mr Gorgeous, the episode of House last night was really, REALLY good. I am so looking forward to tonight's conclusion. But someone needs to kick Dr Foreman in the ass for what he did to Dr. Cameron. If no one else does, I will! What he did was very asshole-ish. For shame, Dr Foreman. For shame. (I know it's just a show, but it is a damned good one). There was one line in the show that just cracked me up. When Dr Foreman said, "Get out of my temporal lobe, House," I laughed my ass off. I love the dialogue in the show. It's dry. It's witty. It's just great. Watch it!

It was an American I-dull night

Overall, last night's American Idol was, well, dull. I did not like either of Taylor's performances, especially not his first, "Play That Funky Music." It sounded like a karaoke or wedding singer performance and was just hokey. And his second song, "Something" by The Beatles, nearly put me to sleep. Yawn.

I liked Elliot's second song, "Home," well enough. The vocals were good, but the song, borrrrrrring. I missed his first performance though (due to the lines at Wal Mart - lol).

I also missed Paris's first song. Her second song, "Be Without You," by Mary J Blige, was decent. It actually wasn't half bad. Still, I think she is going to be in the bottom 2.

Katharine started off on a bad note by singing, "Against All Odds." The runs and the weird notes and ups and downs she tried to put into the song just didn't work and it came off all wrong. I did like her second song, "Black Horse and The Cherry Tree," even though I had never heard it before. It was one of the best performances of the night.

Chris, well, he just rocked. His first song, "Renegade," was just amazing. I loved it. I was not such a big fan of the original song, but when he sang it....wow. Great job. His second song, "I Dare You" by Shinedown, was ok. Not the best. In fact, it was pretty avaerage. But his first performance was so good that it more than made up for the second song.

So, all in all, it was not a stellar night. Still, Chris rocked. I think the bottom 2 will be Paris and Elliot. I think Paris may have sang her last song on American Idol last night. I see her going home.

Phobia of The Day

Thalassophobia: Fear of the sea.

Random Fact of The Day

The Mariana Trench is the deepest part of the earth. It is located in the Pacific Ocean near Japan and is 36,201 feet deep (The average depth of the Pacific Ocean is 13,740 feet deep).

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

“I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.”

Stupid News Story of The Day

(This is one of the reasons why I always use those toilet seat covers.)

Wal-Mart Worker Finds Man Glued to Toilet

SALISBURY, Md. - A 20-year-old was found by a Wal-Mart employee in the bathroom Sunday night after he sat down and was glued to the toilet seat.

The man, whose name was not released by police, was taken to the hospital late Sunday night, said Lt. Cheryl Rantz of the Salisbury Police Department.

"The man had gone into the bathroom and sat down," she said. "He was banging on the wall when the employee came in."

Rantz said the man was treated and released.

Just when you thought it was safe ...

I went to the dentist this afternoon to get my fillings polished. Basically, it just means to make em purtier and more comfortable. No shots required. Takes a few minutes. No big thang. HA!! Well, it turns out the dentist missed doing a filling so I have to go back in tomorrow morning at 9:30 and get yet another filling done. GRRRRRRRR. This dentist thing is neverending!

What part of "illegal" do you not understand?

Ok. So yesterday was this supposed huge boycott, some call "A Day Without an Immigrant." I really didn't see much of an effect here in town, except for a few businesses closed (Los Tacos, I hate you) and a few cars displaying a Mexico flag (I also saw some cars with a US flag on them, too though). So, what's the deal? Personally, I have no problem with immigration, provided it is done LEGALLY. (hello...what part of ILLEGAL do you not get??) If you are going to come here to America and expect all of these benefits, then do it right...do it legally. People who come here illegally and expect to get benefits and then threaten to do harm to the country and the country's ecomony if they don't get their way should be packed up and sent back to their native country. I don't care if you're Mexican, Irish, German, Indian......whatever. Respect the laws of the country and represent the country you live in or get the hell out. I am positive that if I went over to Germany and demanded to be given benefits and to be treated like a German citizen, they would laugh in my face and probably put me in jail, and then deport me. There are reasons we have laws and reasons we have a process for immigrants to go thru to become legal....anyone heard of 9/11 ?? I just don't understand what right these illegal immigrants have to protest when they are here ILLEGALLY. (again....the word is ILLEGAL - look it up). I have no problem with legal permanent residents or persons who have begun the process to become legal. I say, "way to go." I give major props to anyone who has become a naturalized US citizen. That test is tough (lol). But I have no sympathy for people who are not making some sort of attempt to gain legal immigrant status, and who are sitting around expecting the US to grant them benefits and welfare and give them driver's licenses and all of the other benefits that the legal immigrants and US citizens have worked to have.

I know, some people are gonna hate me for saying that or think that I am some sort of racist or something. But to anyone who knows me, I am not a racist. I am far from it. I just think that anyone who breaks the law should be punished. And people who are here illegally have broken the law and should be given no rights. As they say, "Don't do the crime if you can't do the time." I didn't write the laws, but I respect them. And anyone who lives in this country or wants to come to this country should do the same.
There. My rant is done.

Caption This

Tim Jones and Art Jenkins demonstrate the newest trend in animal sports, "Dog-O-War."

post your own funny caption in a comment if you would like.

Phobia of The Day

Gephyrophobia: fear of crossing bridges

Random Fact of The Day

Construction on San Francisco's Golden Gate Bridge took 4 years and 3 months to complete. It was started in January 1933 and finished in April 1937.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

A Commencement Address to the College Class of 2006

"This is your big day - the day when you jam four years' worth of unlaundered underwear into a Hefty bag and leave college, prepared by your professors to go out into the Real World. The first thing you'll notice is that your professors did not go out there with you. They're not stupid; that's why they're professors. They've figured out that college is a carefree place where the most serious problem is finding a legal parking space. So your professors are going to stay in college until they die. Even then, they'll go right on teaching classes. This is called 'tenure.'"

Stupid News Story of The Day

(If it's yellow, let it mellow.)

London mayor Livingstone in no rush to flush

LONDON (AFP) - London mayor Ken Livingstone has lifted the lid on his toilet habits, revealing he has not flushed the loo in 15 months.

Livingstone said there was "no earthly reason" to bother if there was just urine in the bowl, he said Tuesday.

He said people were misguided about what urine actually is -- and said bluebottles steer well clear of his.

The mayor flushed out any misconceptions and tried to spark a chain reaction as he urged Londoners to waste less water when getting rid of their own waste.

"Red Ken" said it was all based on the old adage "if it's yellow, let it mellow" and advised gardeners to fill up a bucket and hurl it on the plants as the region around London suffers its worst drought for a century.

"If we continue to waste the amount of water that we do, London will run out of water," Livingstone, 61, told The Independent newspaper.

"A third of all the water you use you flush down the loo, and actually there is no earthly reason that you need to flush the loo if you have merely urinated. That's a huge saving of water.

"The experiment in my home, which is now into its second year, has been a success. We continues with it right through the summer and never once did a great bluebottle come into the bathroom.

"After all, why would a bluebottle with to slurp up a little bit of nitrogenous waste? It has no nutritional value at all. It's just that people have a perception that their urine is some sort of liquid form of their excreta.

"A lot of gardeners put their urine in a bucket and actually use it. Plant roots love it."

Happy birthday Arlene!

"Arlene, you may be another year older, but just say:




(did I spell anything wrong this time, Spell Check Nazi??? hehe)

I got a clock!!!

Well, over the weekend I went to Las Vegas. Not to gamble, but to sight-see. I checked out Valley of Fire State Park, Red Rock Canyon National Conservation Area, Kyle Canyon/Spring Mountain area, Lake Mead, and the Hoover Dam. I posted pics and a narration on my other blog. Click HERE to check it out. Valley of Fire State Park was just awesome. The rocks and hikes and wildflowers were amazing! But, I don't think it is a place that anyone with my whiter-than-white skin should visit after mid-April, unless you douse yourself with SPF 200 sunscreen. It was HOT! After I got home yesterday, I was dog-tired from the drive and all the walking, and HOT. At the stop in Baker, CA, it was 104 degrees. Damn hot! Plus, there were 2 big accidents on the I-15 on the way home, which caused some major traffic delays.

Well, I got my award for employee of the month today. I got a certificate, a killer-cool clock (it has my name engraved on it and everything), and a pin. And of course, the parking space for a month It was just so nice of my supervisors to nominate me. I was really touched by all the nice things they had to say about me (ME of all people!!!). People kept coming up to me to say congrats...some people I didn't even know. It was so nice!! All of this praise is gonna go to my head (And what happened then? At the OC, they say, Kim's small ego grew three sizes that day!) My ego has been inflated. Oh boy. Watch out!

Phobia of The Day

Herpetophobia: Fear of reptiles or creepy, crawly things

Random Fact of The Day

The Gila Monster and the Mexican Beaded Lizard were thought to be the only 2 species of lizards that were venemous. But recent discoveries have shown that iguanas and monitor lizards also produce venom.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

Rudeness Rules

"At a movie theater, you may save seats for a few people if the theater is not crowded. If the theater is crowded, you may save seats only if the people you're saving them for are on the premises, defined as 'in the building or the parking lot.' If the previews of coming attractions have started, and the theater is filling up, and you're still defending seats for theoretical people who have not yet arrived, and an actual, physical person attempts to sit down, and you hiss, 'That's saved,' and the person 'accidentally' trips and spills that stanky movie-theater nacho cheese all over your hair, and you press assault charges, and we get to serve on the jury, we're voting for acquittal."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(It gives you wiiiiiiiings!)

Thieves Steal Trailer Filled With Red Bull

DYERSBURG, Tenn. - A trailer containing $100,000 worth of Red Bull energy drinks seemingly grew wings.

A truck driver reported last weekend that his 53-foot trailer containing 2,880 cases of the energy drink was stolen.

Geoffrey Winchester said he parked the truck on Old Highway 51. According to the Dyer County Sheriff's Department, another truck must have pulled the trailer away from the truck and hauled off the load Sunday.

The truck's window had been broken and its satellite tracking system disabled, making the thief's flight untraceable. In its commercials, Red Bull claims that it "gives you wings!"

A trailer containing $100,000 worth of Kraft sauces also was stolen in Dyersburg on Monday, authorities said. The trailer was recovered by police in Ohio Monday night, but all the sauce was gone.

Caption This

Oh, Shep. You are the dog I have always longed for. I love you. But I must tell you something. I am bird flu-positive.


Post your own funy caption in a comment if you wanna.

I have become comfortably numb.

I just got back from the dentist after having another filling done. Blah. The filling part didn't hurt, but the damned shot did. Ouch. But, without the shot, there would be even more pain - lol. So, now my mouth and tongue are all numb and I have little pieces of filling floating around my mouth, and the taste....yuk! I keep biting the insides of my cheek and my tongue cuz I can't feel a damned thing! lol.

Well, People magazine picked out there 50 most beautiful people in the world, and of course, Angelina Jolie is gonna be the cover girl. I don't know what is so great about her, personally. Ok. So she does visit poor countries and adopt their kids, but I still don't get it. Yeah, she's pretty and all, but there are prettier people than her (Jennifer Aniston for one). And excuse me, but how come Hugh Laurie is not on the list?? He is one hot-damn, fine-looking man. He needs to be on the list. Just look at him!


ooh la la !!

They picked Ryan Seacrest, but didn't pick him??? Geez ! I am surprised Simon didn't say something about it on AI last night - hehe.

Ok, so I have a thing for older men. I think they are sexy. I think men with graying hair look distinguished and handsome. And I still think Harrison Ford is damned hot. I am entitled to my opinion, so there.

I wonder if they gave her some calamari as a parting gift

Miss Pickler, the calamari-lovin' American Idol wannabe is out! Thank gosh. No more comas for me (hopefully). I still think she is cute and kinda kooky, so no doubt she'll get some kind of deal to sing country songs or something. That is her fortè. I am just glad to see that Elliot was not down in the bottom group (for once).

Phobia of The Day

Teratophobia: Fear of bearing a deformed child or fear of monsters or deformed people.

Random Fact of The Day

Saturn's rings are about 500,000 miles in circumference but only about a foot thick.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

Rudeness Rules

"Do not talk during a movie unless you have something important to say. (Example: 'My water just broke.') You may talk quietly during the previews of coming attractions.

EXCEPTION: Halle Berry"

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Sorry. Wrong turn.)

Polish thief flees to ... police headquarters

ROME (Reuters) - A Polish shoplifter took a very wrong turn -- towards Rome's police headquarters -- while fleeing a supermarket with two stolen bottles of alcohol.

Hearing screams of "Stop thief!", heavily armed police just outside the building cooly grabbed the 19-year-old, a police spokeswoman said on Thursday.

Stunned, the crook immediately confessed and handed over the liquor.

"Yes, I stole the bottles. But not this chocolate," he said, pointing to a candybar he had purchased earlier, according to Il Messaggero newspaper.

Three of his friends, spectators to the event, were arrested as accomplices, the spokeswoman said.

Everybody fear...another Federspears is near!

Another dreary day in Bako. It is raining.....again. It is gray and cloudy and blah outside. How are you supposed to be all upbeat when it is gloomy outside? I want hot cocoa!!! Where is my hot cocoa, gosh darnit?

Speaking of blah, I had to get my picture taken for employee of the month today. I hate having my picture taken. Blah!!! Next time I have to have a picture taken, I am gonna hire a stand-in.

I feel a migraine coming on. I took an Advil this morning cuz I woke up with a headache, and the headache is still alive and kicking in my brain, right behind my right eye. Grrr. It is the curse of the migraine which comes along with PMS. It is so not fun. At least I am leaving work early cuz I have a doctor appointment. I hope, hope, hope, it does not progress into a migraine. I hate them.

I read that Britney Spears is pregnant again. Here comes the unavoidable punch line...go ahead and cringe, cuz it's bad..."Oops, she's knocked up again." According to US Weekly, Federspears is preggos again. Looks like K-Fed has got another Federbun in the oven. Like the world needs more K-Fed spawn. Hasn't he already proven that he has the ability to fertilize the world? Oh gosh, please don't let that happen! Use some birth control people! We don't need anymore wife-beater wearing, cornrow -haired, mooching wannabe rap stars around. One K-Fed is enough. I am (warning - terrible punch line coming up) K-Fed up!

Speaking of being fed up, I am fed up with gas prices. Gas is outrageously expensive these days. This morning I was driving and saw that gas down the street was $3.15 a gallon for regular and $3.35 for supreme. Luckily, my car uses regular, but damn! When are the prices gonna go down, and how much higher are the gonna go before they come down? I don't even want to think about it. I remember a few years ago when gas was down to 99 cents a gallon. Why is gas so high? Obviously, the oil companies aren't hurting for money. They reported some of their highest profits ever. So why are they sticking it to the little guy? That is what I wanna know. Freakin-a.

Phobia of The Day

Lilapsophobia: Fear of tornadoes and hurricanes.

Random Fact of The Day

The average tornado moves from southwest to northeast, but tornadoes have been known to move in any direction. The average forward speed is 30 mph but may vary from nearly stationary to 70 mph.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

Rudeness Rules

"If you're in the express lane, and the sign says 10 ITEMS OR LESS, then you should have no more than...OK, we'll allow twelve items. We're not Nazis here.

EXCEPTION: Halle Berry can have as many items as she wants"

Stupid News Story of The Day

(If this was their reward, I hate to think what their punishment would be.)

School Sends Kids to Closed Amusement Park

RENO, Nev. - Four bus loads of students from O'Brien Middle School made the four-hour trip to Six Flags Marine World in Vallejo, Calif., only to find the amusement park's gates locked Monday. The school-sponsored trip was supposed to reward top students.

"It was pretty much a fiasco," said Washoe County School District spokesman Steve Mulvenon. "They ended up wasting a day that those kids could have better spent in class or doing what they were going to do at the park."

School officials said the $50 fee will be refunded, and the tour company that arranged the trip has agreed to pay for the next one. "The tour company neglected to check the schedule," Mulvenon said.

"It is just a bummer for the kids," said parent Jeff Wood. "Now, they will have to wait another month to go and a lot of the kids might not be able to go then."

Principal Scott Grange said the school was even given printed tickets with Monday's date on them.

"But shame on us for not checking," he said.

How bad are you??

How bad are you? Take this quiz and find out:

http://www.thesite.org/flash/dodgy.html


Just for the record, I am good - lol

Upstanding

How refreshing that there are still people around like you, who respect society and the law. Your Grandparents would be proud. You have a good knowledge of the law and a good public spirit, or you have rarely left the house… Either way - keep it up old fruit!

Based on your answers, we have calculated the maximum penalty for your crimes*

Years in prison: 0.5 Potential fine: £5000

*Please note this is just a fun quiz so don't be alarmed by your score! The maximum penalty has been taken for each crime and no consideration for scale of crime committed.

Someone call Dr House...I have fallen into a Kellie-induced coma

Ok. I expected much more from American Idol tonight that what I got. Love songs. Perfect subject for a singer. Well, I thought the only decent one was Chris tonight, although I did like Katharine (despite what the judges said) and I missed Elliot's performace (I was driving home from Veronica's house when he was singing- damnit!). Here is my rundown for each singer:

Katharine: good but not great
Elliot: (missed it)
Kellie: blah...blah...and more blah. More like the Unending Melody. I fell into a coma listening to her.
Paris: ok, but kinda oversang the song.
Taylor: The first of his performances I didn't care for. Too bland.
Chris: awesome!

My bottom 3, based on tonight's singing:

Kellie, Paris and Taylor (sorry - I just didn't like it!)

best of the night: Chris, without a doubt.

worst: Kellie (still trying to wake up from that Kellie-induced coma I fell into)

I can't say anything for Elliot, since I missed his performance, but in the recap, he sounded good.
So, now House is on, and that, hopefully, will erase my memories of Kellie's blah blah performance. Sexy doctors tend to do that - hehe. Damn, Dr House is a handsome man. But I digress. DAMN! lol.

On the bad side of tonight (as if there could be something worse than Kellie's singing), is that my mom called and said she heard (from my aunt Helen) that her sister is now under hospice care, and we all know that hospice is the end of the line. It is so sad. I guess she was rushed to the ER twice in the last week cuz the pain was so bad, yet she always says everything is fine. I think she now knows that we all know everything is not fine. Ugh! Life sucks!!!

Caption This...

University students, Janet and Thomas, rethink taking Dr. Johanssen's literature course after seeing the reading list.



Post your own funny caption in a comment if you would like.

Employee of the month...me?? Are they nuts??

I found out today that I am the employee of the month for May 2006. That is pretty cool. I never thought I, ME (like, oh my gosh), would ever be nominated for anything - lol. Yeah, I was employee of the quarter a few times at Marshalls, but there were like 30 people there, not over 1000 - lol. I am pretty stoked about it, since I feel now like people actually notice that I work pretty gosh darned hard and that the little things I do for people are, in fact, being appreciated (not that I NEED validation or anything, but I'll take it if it is offered - lol). The only bad thing is that they take your picture and put it on a poster and hang them all over the building so people everywhere can see my ugly mug. I HATE having my picture taken. I was gonna ask if they can just draw a caricature of me or something, but I don't think that will fly. Oh yeah, and then they have an EOM celebration in the cafeteria and everyone gets cookies and punch and they present you with some certificate and you get a nice, close-to-the-building parking space for a month or something. The parking space thing is cool. Especially on those working Fridays when everyone has to park in the back, and that back lot fills up really quick. So, I am pretty happy right now about it. Just not about the picture part - lol. Yay for me - lol. Still, I think there are others who are just as deserving, in fact, more deserving than me.

Maybe, since I have to get another filling in another tooth on Thursday, this EOM thing is life's way of equalizing pain and happiness - lol. Or maybe I am just full of crap (I am leaning toward the latter).

Phobia of The Day

Ophidiophobia - fear of snakes

Random Fact of The Day

Scorpions look like little land-dwelling lobsters, but are actually related to spiders, ticks and mites and belong to the order Arachnida.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"Fellow Americans, we must ask ourselves: Do we truly believe that ALL red-state residents are ignorant, racist, fascist, knuckle-dragging, NASCAR-obsessed, cousin-marrying, roadkil-eating, tobacco-juice-dribbling, gun-fondling, religious fanatic rednecks; or that ALL blue state residents are godless, unpatriotic, pierced-nose, Volvo-driving, France-loving, left-wing communist latte-sucking, tofu-chomping, holistic/wacko, neurotic, vegan weenie perverts? Yes. This is called 'diversity,' and it is why we are such a great nation - a nation that has given the world both nuclear weapons AND Spongebob Squarepants."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(This is your brain on drugs. Any questions?)

Santa? No! It's Naked chimney guy!

SAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) - Believing they had a botched burglary on their hands, police in Hayward, California, called to a house instead found a naked man wedged in its chimney, a police officer said Monday.

"He didn't have a stitch on," Lt. Gary Branson of the Hayward Police Department said, referring to Michael Urbano.

The 23-year-old man came home early Saturday morning and, finding himself locked out and without his keys, tried to enter the single-story house through its chimney.

"He told us he took off his clothes because as he was going down the chimney the clothes would rub up against it and slow him down," Branson said. "If it was skin on cement he felt he would go down easier."

Urbano's effort ended disastrously when a cable-television wire he used to lower himself snapped. He fell and was wedged in a section of the chimney tapering into the home's fireplace.

For the next four hours he cried out for help. A neighbor called police and fire fighters, who dislodged Urbano, Branson said. Officers booked Urbano for being under the influence of drugs, he added.

It's Monday - I wish I were still in bed, but then, I say that every work day. The weekend seemed to go by way too fast. I did get a lot accomplished this weekend. Stuff I had been meaning to do for weeks finally got done. And I even got to go on a drive yesterday just for fun. Still, the weekend did have its down spots. For instance, I managed to break a pen and got ink all over me. It looked like I had little black freckles all over my arms and on my face. Then, my watch band broke. I just bought that damned watch maybe 2 weeks ago and it already broke. Maybe that is why it was on sale....hmmm. I also managed to break a ceramic planter while I was cleaning my patio and cut my thumb while cleaning up the broken pieces. Yep, that is definitely a ME thing to do. I am so clumsy!!! I break things while cleaning. Figures. Oh yeah, I also knocked a shelf off the wall in the kitchen. Luckily, it was a small shelf that just had some paper cups on it, so the damage was minimal - lol. Last night, I had such a bad headache. I don't think it was a migraine cuz it invaded pretty much the whole front of my head and not just one side. But it did make me feel really dizzy. Kinda like a drunk feeling, only without the alcohol and without the fun. It was just plain ouch!

So now it is lunch time, and I am not very hungry. Of course, about 2 pm I will be starving, no doubt, and it will be my fault for not eating. I made ravioli last night and was gonna bring the leftovers to work for lunch, but, of course, I forgot! Which, again, is a very ME thing to do.

I was watching that new show, So NoTORIous, that shows on VH1 last night, and was surprised at how much I liked it. Now, I have never been a Tori Spelling fan...not at all. But the show is hilarious! She basically pokes fun at herself in the show and is pretty brave about doing it. I was really surprised at how funny it is. When I first heard about the show, I thought, oh gosh. That is gonna be lame. So I didn't bother even watching it. But now...now I think I am gonna tune in more often. It is hella funny.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

Rudeness Rules

"If you're in a supermarket checkout line, and you realize that you forgot an item, you're allowed to go get it, provided that (1) you apologize to the people behind you, (2) you know exactly where the item is, and (3) you hurry. If you forget TWO items, take your cart out of line. You are not allowed to leave your cart blocking the line while you wander the aisles trying to recall the ingredients of Beef Tongue Flambeau.

NOTE: Before you serve beef tongue to innocent people, you should think about the kinds of things that cows lick."

Phobia of The Day

Ranidaphobia: fear of frogs

Random Fact of The Day

The Pronghorn is the only animal in the world with branched horns (not antlers) and the only animal in the world to shed its horns, as if they were antlers.

Stupid News Story of The Day

(There are just some jobs where being naked is dangerous...and this is one of them.)

Carpenter Charged With Working in the Buff

OAKLAND, Calif. - A carpenter who keeps his clothes clean by working in the nude was arrested after a client returned home early and found him building bookcases in the buff.

Percy Honniball, 50, was charged with misdemeanor indecent exposure this week for the October incident.

He told officers he stripped before crawling under the client's house to do electrical work because he didn't want to soil his clothes, police said.

Honniball said Thursday that working in the nude gave him a better range of motion and that a skilled craftsman can work clothing — and injury — free.

"In certain situations such as demolitions where you are smashing rock you want to be clothed and protected because this rock can harm you," he said.

Honniball was caught working naked in Berkeley three times in the last six years and put on probation for violating a city ordinance. Honniball said he doesn't plan to do work in his birthday suit again.

Police said he apologized to the startled homeowner, but was fired. The homeowner paid Honniball for the finished work, but deducted $200.

"He kept out that amount to change his locks," Oakland Police Officer Jesse Grant said.

Tule Elk at the Tule Elk State Reserve near Buttonwillow, CA - Yes, there really are elk out there, but they were pretty far off.
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