Monday, June 05, 2006
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
"People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them."
Stupid News Story of The Day
(There are stupid people, then there are STUPID people.)
Lioness in zoo kills man who invoked God
KIEV (Reuters) - A man shouting that God would keep him safe was mauled to death by a lioness in Kiev zoo after he crept into the animal's enclosure, a zoo official said on Monday.
"The man shouted 'God will save me, if he exists', lowered himself by a rope into the enclosure, took his shoes off and went up to the lions," the official said.
"A lioness went straight for him, knocked him down and severed his carotid artery."
The incident, Sunday evening when the zoo was packed with visitors, was the first of its kind at the attraction. Lions and tigers are kept in an "animal island" protected by thick concrete blocks.
LA High School Math Proficiency Exam
NAME____________________
GANG/CREW NAME______________ CRIB_________________
1. Ramone has an AK-47 with a 30 round clip. He usually misses 6 out of every 10 shots and he uses 13 rounds per drive-by shooting. How many drive-by shootings can Ramone attempt before he has to reload?
2. Otis has 2 ounces of cocaine. If he sells an 8-ball to Antonio for $320 and 2 grams to Juan for $85 per gram, what is the street value of the rest of his hold?
3. Rufus pimps 3 ho's. If the price is $85 per trick, how many tricks per day must each ho turn to support Rufus's $800 per day crack habit?
4. Dave wants to cut the pound of cocaine he bought for $40,000 to make 20% profit. How many ounce bags will he need to make to obtain the 20% profit?
5. Desmond gets $200 for a stolen BMW, $150 for stealing a Corvette, and $100 for a 4x4. If he steals 1 BMW, 2 Corvettes and 3 4x4's, how many more Corvettes must he steal to have $900?
6. Tom got 6 years for murder. He also got $10,000 for the hit. If his common-law wife spends $100 of his hit money per month, how much money will be left when he gets out?
7. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can be sprayed with 3 eight ounce cans of spray paint with 20% paint left over?
8. Tyrone knocked up 3 girls in the gang. There are 27 girls in his gang. What is the exact percentage of girls Tyrone knocked up?
9. LaSheena is a lookout for the gang. LaSheena also has a Boa Constrictor that eats 3 small rats per week at a cost of $5 per rat. If LaSheena makes $700 week as a lookout, how many weeks can she feed the Boa on one week's income?
10. Marvin steals Joe's skate board. As Marvin skates away at 15 mph, Joe loads his 357 Magnum. If it takes Joe 20 seconds to load his piece, how far away will Marvin be when he gets whacked?
GANG/CREW NAME______________ CRIB_________________
1. Ramone has an AK-47 with a 30 round clip. He usually misses 6 out of every 10 shots and he uses 13 rounds per drive-by shooting. How many drive-by shootings can Ramone attempt before he has to reload?
2. Otis has 2 ounces of cocaine. If he sells an 8-ball to Antonio for $320 and 2 grams to Juan for $85 per gram, what is the street value of the rest of his hold?
3. Rufus pimps 3 ho's. If the price is $85 per trick, how many tricks per day must each ho turn to support Rufus's $800 per day crack habit?
4. Dave wants to cut the pound of cocaine he bought for $40,000 to make 20% profit. How many ounce bags will he need to make to obtain the 20% profit?
5. Desmond gets $200 for a stolen BMW, $150 for stealing a Corvette, and $100 for a 4x4. If he steals 1 BMW, 2 Corvettes and 3 4x4's, how many more Corvettes must he steal to have $900?
6. Tom got 6 years for murder. He also got $10,000 for the hit. If his common-law wife spends $100 of his hit money per month, how much money will be left when he gets out?
7. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can be sprayed with 3 eight ounce cans of spray paint with 20% paint left over?
8. Tyrone knocked up 3 girls in the gang. There are 27 girls in his gang. What is the exact percentage of girls Tyrone knocked up?
9. LaSheena is a lookout for the gang. LaSheena also has a Boa Constrictor that eats 3 small rats per week at a cost of $5 per rat. If LaSheena makes $700 week as a lookout, how many weeks can she feed the Boa on one week's income?
10. Marvin steals Joe's skate board. As Marvin skates away at 15 mph, Joe loads his 357 Magnum. If it takes Joe 20 seconds to load his piece, how far away will Marvin be when he gets whacked?
Saturday, June 03, 2006
Friday, June 02, 2006
I read that....
that Anna Nicole Smith is preggers, which is good news for Britney Spears. If anyone is gonna screw up worse than Brit, it's Anna Nicole. I can just read the headlines now..... "Anna Nicole feeds baby Trim Spa. Feels baby is too chubby."
Poor baby.
Poor baby.
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
"Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 ft/sec, is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter. "
Stupid News Story of The Day
(You can look, but you can't film.)
Deputy fired for filming girls in bikinis
STUART, Fla. - A Martin County sheriff's review board found just cause in the firing of a former deputy who was relieved of duty for using his patrol car's dashboard-mounted camera to film bikini-clad girls at the beach.
Jack Munsey was fired Jan. 30 after an internal investigation found his behavior was not criminal but violated department policies. Munsey had sought reinstatement.
The panel took just four minutes Wednesday to determine his firing was justified.
The daylong hearing included testimony about two previous investigations involving Munsey, including one in 1997 when he used a department computer to view pornography on the Internet while on duty. He was suspended for a week. In 2004, he was suspended after he totaled a patrol car while speeding on his way to work.
Munsey's attorney Larry Fagan called the videotaping a brief lapse in judgment that should not warrant termination.
"This is something that will follow him forever," Fagan told the panel.
Munsey declined to comment after the hearing.
Sheriff Robert Crowder said Munsey likely will not lose his law enforcement certification that could get him a job elsewhere.
"He's not a bad guy, but I think his judgment perhaps was flawed and maybe he's learned from this, and maybe he'd be able to work somewhere where this wouldn't be held over his head," Crowder said.
Thursday, June 01, 2006
I still wanna be a Ghost Hunter
Last night, the season finale of Ghost Hunters was on, and I was stoked because they were visiting the infamous Stanley Hotel, the setting of Stephen King's The Shining. Story is, Stephen King and his wife had stayed in the hotel and had had some paranormal encounters of their own there, inspiring Stephen King to write The Shining. The show was great. It was 90 minutes of paranormal bliss for me. It showed one of the TAPS dudes sleeping in his room and the closet door came open and something caused a glass on the nightstand next to him to inexplicably break. The video also showed the closet door closing and latching by itself. The guy, Jason, went over to the closet to inspect it, and there was nothing there. Nothing to explain how the glass broke or what made the closet door open and close by itself. Weirdness!!!
Also during the visit, the guys were sitting at a table in a room and all of a sudden, the table and one of the chairs just moved all by themselves. This scared one of the cameramen, who, up to that point, has been very skeptical of any paranormal stuff. The look on his face was priceless - lol. I so wanna go stay at the Stanley Hotel now!!! I want to see some closet doors open and some tables move! I know. I am nuts.
That show is just too cool. I wanna be a Ghost Hunter!
Also during the visit, the guys were sitting at a table in a room and all of a sudden, the table and one of the chairs just moved all by themselves. This scared one of the cameramen, who, up to that point, has been very skeptical of any paranormal stuff. The look on his face was priceless - lol. I so wanna go stay at the Stanley Hotel now!!! I want to see some closet doors open and some tables move! I know. I am nuts.
That show is just too cool. I wanna be a Ghost Hunter!
Caption This!
Sorry Ryan. I just don't think of you THAT way.
post your own funny caption in a comment if you wanna.
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
"This year our Dream Vacation itinerary will be limited to domestic destinations that you can travel to by car, assuming that you rob banks along the way, because gasoline prices this summer are expected to reach $3 per gallon ($67.50 in California). The US Transportation Department is advising motorists to conserve fuel by 'traveling mainly downhill."
Random Fact of The Day
The Elephant Man's name was actually Joseph Merrick, not John Merrick as he was called in the movie The Elephant Man.
Stupid News Story of The Day
(Now available in stores...Robbing for Dummies.)
Would-be robber asks bank how to do it
TOKYO (Reuters) - A would-be Japanese bank robber asked staff how he should carry out the crime before meekly obeying a request to leave and then accidentally stabbing himself in the leg with a knife he was carrying.
The 58-year-old unemployed man went into a branch of the Saitama Resona Bank in the town of Kumagaya, north of Tokyo, on Wednesday, intending to rob it, a police spokesman said.
According to local media reports the man first asked a bank teller, "Any idea how you rob a bank?" The teller alerted another member of staff, who asked the man to leave.
"He left quietly when asked to," the police spokesman said.
However, the staff member escorting the man out of the bank noticed the knife sticking out of his pocket and a bloodstain on his trousers.
Police arrested the man for illegal possession of a weapon.
"He didn't brandish the knife at anyone ... but he injured himself in the leg," the police spokesman said.
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Women's Dictionary
Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n.
A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.
Airhead (er*hed) n.
What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.
Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n.
You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, he, "made the dinner."
Blonde jokes (blond joks) n.
Jokes that are short so men can understand them.
Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n.
An appliance designed to eat socks.
Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n.
A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.
Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n.
The last two minutes of a football game.
Exercise (ex*er*siz) v.
To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.
Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n.
What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.
Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n.
Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician."
Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n.
Similar to a black hole in space-if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.
Childbirth (child*brth) n.
You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say "focus... breath... push"
Lipstick (lip*stik) n.
On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear!
Park (park) v./n.
Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.
Patience (pa*shens) n.
The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers."
Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n.
Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.
Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n.
A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.
A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.
Airhead (er*hed) n.
What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.
Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n.
You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, he, "made the dinner."
Blonde jokes (blond joks) n.
Jokes that are short so men can understand them.
Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n.
An appliance designed to eat socks.
Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n.
A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.
Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n.
The last two minutes of a football game.
Exercise (ex*er*siz) v.
To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.
Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n.
What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.
Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n.
Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician."
Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n.
Similar to a black hole in space-if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.
Childbirth (child*brth) n.
You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say "focus... breath... push"
Lipstick (lip*stik) n.
On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear!
Park (park) v./n.
Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.
Patience (pa*shens) n.
The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers."
Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n.
Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.
Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n.
A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.
Cynical...me?
| You Are 44% Cynical |
|
I am sooo mad, because...
a rock hit my windshield when I was on my way to work this morning, and when I went to lunch, I saw that I now have a long-ass crack in my windshield (no, not a long ass-crack........a long-ass crack - there is a difference). I am probably gonna have to get the whole damned whindshield replaced now - GRRRRRRR!
It's a very, very mad world.
I feel mucho better today than I did yesterday. I was just BLAH yesterday (with a capital "B"). My voice is still a tad hoarse, but overall, much better. Thank gosh. I didn't wanna have to go through the week feeling like that. Plus, I have a baby birthday party to go to this Saturday. Alicia's little girl, Alana, is turning 1 on June 6th. She is so cute. And so talkative...just like Alicia - lol.
Speaking of babies, I read that Mira Sorvino had another baby...a boy, which she named.....sit down.....JOHNNY. What the hell? Johnny??? What kind of name is that? Don't they know little Johnny will get teased and teased for having such a silly name? In a world of Apple's, Shiloh's, Suri's, Wolfgang's, and Moxie Crimefighter's, the name Johnny seems so .... gasp....NORMAL. Actually, I give big time kudos to Mira for naming her baby something that won't scar him for life. One can only hope that other stars will follow suit and go back to giving their kids nice, normal names. Well, one can wish, can't they?
Speaking of babies, I read that Mira Sorvino had another baby...a boy, which she named.....sit down.....JOHNNY. What the hell? Johnny??? What kind of name is that? Don't they know little Johnny will get teased and teased for having such a silly name? In a world of Apple's, Shiloh's, Suri's, Wolfgang's, and Moxie Crimefighter's, the name Johnny seems so .... gasp....NORMAL. Actually, I give big time kudos to Mira for naming her baby something that won't scar him for life. One can only hope that other stars will follow suit and go back to giving their kids nice, normal names. Well, one can wish, can't they?
Random Fact of The Day
The turtle's upper shell is called a carapace, while the lower part of the shell is called a plastron. These 2 parts are joined together by bony structures called bridges. Because the inner layer of the shell is connected to the turtle's body, it cannot, as seen in cartoons, crawl out of its shell.
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
Dream Vacation Itinerary
"You'll begin by driving to Indiana, a state located near Ohio or Wisconsin (ask at a gas station for specific directions). On the way, you can entertain the kids by pointing out the many fascinating attractions of the American Heartland. ('Look kids, another cow!)"
Stupid News Story of The Day
(Maybe he should try to prove his sanity next.)
Man severs penis to prove faithfulness
KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia - A man who apparently severed his penis in an attempt to convince his wife that he was faithful to her was recovering after surgery to reattach the organ at a northern Malaysian hospital, a news report said Tuesday.
The 41-year-old man, who was not identified, got into an argument last Friday with his wife, who found a text message on his mobile phone from another woman. The man was heard by his son shouting that he wanted to prove he was not having an affair, the New Straits Times reported.
The assertion was followed by loud screams and the man emerged from his room bleeding profusely, his 14-year-old son quoted as saying. His wife rushed him to hospital.
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Ouch
It feels like a Monday today, but it is Tuesday. This week is gonna be nice and short cuz this Friday, we are off (flex day), which means this week is a 3-day work week. Hell yeah! I am so happy about that.
I am not happy about my sore throat though. I started getting a sore throat on Sunday and it has just gotten worse. I can't even talk without it hurting, so I have been trying to keep quiet and not talk (which is something people everywhere are probably glad to hear - hehe). Been sucking on Halls and ice cubes this morning. Ugh. I hate sore throats. Hate em!
My work computer has been s l o w this morning, which has been testing my patience, and I had very little patience to begin with. I had to restart it twice already. And my work phone is messed up too. The little red light which means I have a message is on and I have no messages. It is driving me nuts!!!!!!!
I can't wait for this day to be over.
I am not happy about my sore throat though. I started getting a sore throat on Sunday and it has just gotten worse. I can't even talk without it hurting, so I have been trying to keep quiet and not talk (which is something people everywhere are probably glad to hear - hehe). Been sucking on Halls and ice cubes this morning. Ugh. I hate sore throats. Hate em!
My work computer has been s l o w this morning, which has been testing my patience, and I had very little patience to begin with. I had to restart it twice already. And my work phone is messed up too. The little red light which means I have a message is on and I have no messages. It is driving me nuts!!!!!!!
I can't wait for this day to be over.
Random Fact of The Day
Alessandro Volta developed the Voltaic pile, a forerunner of the battery, which produced a steady electric current. The electrical term, "volt," was named after him.
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
"Recently I was in an electronics store, trying to buy a telephone that was just a telephone. I did not want the conference-call feature, the intercom feature, the programmable memory feature, the coffee-making feature, or the feature (this is a new one) that displays the current latitude and longitude of Representative Gary Condit. All I wanted was the feature that lets you talk to the person on the other end."
Stupid News Story of The Day
(I like cheese too, but man!)
25 people suffer bumps and bruises in British cheese chase
BROCKWORTH, England (AFP) - Twenty-five people were injured in an annual cheese-rolling competition, where daredevils chase giant cheeses down a steep slope in western England, organisers said.
Dozens took part in the bizarre event at Cooper's Hill in Brockworth, Gloucestershire, before a crowd of some 3,000 laughing and cheering spectators. They raced for 200 metres (656 feet) down the slope after the wheel-shaped Double Gloucester cheese, decorated in a blue and red ribbon.
Many slipped, somersaulted and tumbled their way to the bottom during five bone-crunching races over two hours. Of the 25 people hurt, 12 were spectators, one of whom was hit by one of the hard, dinner-plate-sized cheeses used in each race.
Only two people were taken to hospital for further assessment, however. The organisers said the number of injuries was comparatively low.
"We usually average around 30-40 people who need treatment," said Jim Jones, operations training manager for St John's Ambulance.
"The most serious injuries this year appear to be a dislocated finger and a possible fractured ankle," he told Britain's domestic Press Association.
The wet weather helped protect the racers, as they were able to slide down the slope rather than tumble head-over-heels, said organiser Richard Jefferies.
"It's been a very successful year," he added.
Among the winners of the five races was Chris Anderson, 18, who knocked himself out to claim the title. Afterwards, the dazed window fitter said: "I just ran, fell and hit my head. I feel sore but it was definitely worth it."
First prize in each race is a big circle of cheese.
People from as far afield as Australia, New Zealand, Norway, Sweden and the United States travel to the hill every year to take part in the cheese roll.
The unusual event has been celebrated for centuries and is thought to have its roots in a heathen festival to celebrate the return of spring.
Monday, May 29, 2006
Friday, May 26, 2006
Caption This!
Paula said that George's performance was a little pitchy, but he still had some raw potential yet to be tapped. However, Simon said his performance was "hideous" and "boring" and was a "monumental waste of time."
Post your own funny caption in a comment if you wanna.
Yesterday sucked
Yesterday, I left work early with a migraine. I hate those SO much. I felt like such crap until like 9 pm last night. I feel better this morning, but I took an Advil this morning just to be safe. I don't want that blasted headache to return.
I gave Taylor Hicks some new hair colors yesterday, so today I thought, just to be fair, I would give Katharine and Chris new hair colors and styles too. Check em out...
Blonde Katharine
Katharine with gray hair
Chris with black hair
Chris as a brunette
Chris with gray hair
I dunno. I think Chris looks better bald - lol.
This Clairol.com site is so much fun - lol
I gave Taylor Hicks some new hair colors yesterday, so today I thought, just to be fair, I would give Katharine and Chris new hair colors and styles too. Check em out...
Blonde Katharine
Katharine with gray hair
Chris with black hair
Chris as a brunette
Chris with gray hair
I dunno. I think Chris looks better bald - lol.
This Clairol.com site is so much fun - lol
Random Fact of The Day
Charles Babbage was the first to originate the idea of a programmable computer, as early as 1820. However, due to the limited technology of his time and the lack of financing, it was never built during his lifetime.
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
"Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world. "
Stupid News Story of The Day
(He really loves to read.)
Man allegedly robs bank, reads magazine
ROUND ROCK, Texas - Police in an Austin suburb arrested a man on Thursday who allegedly walked into a bank, demanded money from a teller and then sat down and read a magazine.
Paul Wendell Gunn, 61, surrendered to police about an hour after he went to the bank and demanded an undisclosed amount of money, said Round Rock police spokesman Eric Poteet.
After the teller gave Gunn the money, he sat down on a couch inside the bank and started reading while everyone else evacuated, Poteet said in Thursday's online edition of the Austin American-Statesman.
Authorities closed off the area around the bank, which is only a half-block from the police station, until Gunn surrendered, Austin television station KVUE reported.
Gunn never used a weapon, and no one was injured, police said.
He was being held Thursday in the Williamson County Jail on suspicion of robbery. Gunn is scheduled to go before a magistrate Friday.
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Caption This!
Due to the recent budget cuts, the Police Department has had to eliminate their Police dog program and switch it over to trained Police rats. While a trained Police dog can cost up to $1000, a Police rat can be purchased at any PetSmart store for $5.
post your own funny caption in a comment if you want to.
Soul Patrol!
The Soul Patrol has triumphed. Yes, the gray-haired Taylor Hicks was crowned the newest American Idol. Am I surprised? Yes and no. No, because he had never been in the bottom 2 or 3 in the vote-getting, and yes, because he is not your typical American Idol. He has gray hair. He dances worse than me. He sings like Eddie Money or Joe Cocker, and not like some Backstreet Boy. He is so energy-filled, it is almost tiring to watch him. But, America voted, and he is the king.
So where did Katharine go wrong? She had the voice and the looks (face it, the girl is beautiful) to win. She just didn't pick good songs and wasn't as charismatic as Taylor. I think what really sealed her coffin was that last song she sang in the finale. It sucked! And what sucks more, is the fact that it was chosen for her by the producers or some other people who apparently hated her enough to saddle her with one of the crappiest songs ever written. Taylor's final song was much better, but that isn't saying much. What Taylor has going for him is that he can take a crappy song and make it good. Katharine couldn't do that.
I heard rumors that Taylor was gonna change his hair color. Well, I took it upon myself to check out a few new hair colors for him.
Here he is as a blonde:
now here he is as a brunette:
and here as a redhead:
here with black hair:
and here with the punk rocker look:
I think he looks great with pink hair - lol.
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
"I've never played serious poker, so when I went to a poker room, I took along a friend, Phillipe Boets, who is an expert. Unfortunately, he's not an expert on poker: He is an expert on pétanque, an extremely French sport where you toss steel balls around, the object being to eventually stop and have lunch. Phillipe is president of Pétanque America, which consists largely of Phillipe. When I thought about a possible companion for my poker expedition, his name came immediately to mind because of a certain indefinable quality he has, which I would define as 'not having a real job.' On the way to the casino, Phillipe told me that the only poker game he has played is 'Indian poker,' in which each player sticks a card onto his forehead, so that he can't see it, but all the other players can. 'Then what?' I asked. 'I don't remember,' Phillipe said. 'There was a lot of rum."
Stupid News Story of The Day
(Good news for short people everywhere.)
Judge: Man is too short for prison
SIDNEY, Neb. - A judge said a 5-foot-1 man convicted of sexually assaulting a child was too small to survive in prison, and gave him 10 years of probation instead.
His crimes deserved a long sentence, District Judge Kristine Cecava said, but she worried that Richard W. Thompson, 50, would be especially imperiled by prison dangers.
"You are a sex offender, and you did it to a child," she said.
But, she said, "That doesn't make you a hunter. You do not fit in that category."
Thompson will be electronically monitored the first four months of his probation, and he was told to never be alone with someone under age 18 or date or live with a woman whose children were under 18. Cecava also ordered Thompson to get rid of his pornography.
He faces 30 days of jail each year of his probation unless he follows its conditions closely.
"I want control of you until I know you have integrated change into your life," the judge told Thompson. "I truly hope that my bet on you being OK out in society is not misplaced."
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
What dreams may come
I woke up this morning with a headache. Good way to start the day don't ya think. I had a weird dream last night. I dreamt that I was a snake hunter on the trail of a rare "black python." I was told that if I caught the snake, I would be paid $500,000. I ended up catching the snake, after several people I was with got eaten up (ewww), so I got the money. But then I gave the money back saying that the thrill of the chase was the payment I needed. C'mon! I would NEVER say that in real life - LOL. Show me the money, then give it to me....that is what I would have really said. Weird dream. Maybe that is why I woke up with a headache. I just hope the Advil I took makes it go away before it becomes a migraine. Ouch. My poor head.
Of course, then Freud would have said that it was a sexual dream, what with the snakes and all. It was a huge snake. Big enough to eat people. Huge snake ... hmmmm......nevermind.
Sometimes I like it better when I don't remember my dreams - lol.
Of course, then Freud would have said that it was a sexual dream, what with the snakes and all. It was a huge snake. Big enough to eat people. Huge snake ... hmmmm......nevermind.
Sometimes I like it better when I don't remember my dreams - lol.
Caption This!
I did it. Manbearpig is dead.
(you have to have watched the South Park episode to get this one - lol)
leave your own funny caption in a comment if you wanna.
Random Fact of The Day
The longest word in the English language containing only one vowel is "strengths"
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
"As I said, poker is sweeping the nation, and so recently I decided to experience it firsthand by going to the poker room at the Miccousukee Resort and Gaming Casino, located west of Miami right next to the Everglades, which makes it one of the few casinos in the world where not only can you gamble - excuse me, I mean 'game' - but also you can experience the excitement of knowing that you could be attacked by an alligator in the parking lot."
Stupid News Story of The Day
(Dial 1-900-STUPID)
Bible Student Charged in Phone Sex Case
OWATONNA, Minn. - A student at Pillsbury Baptist Bible College was charged in the theft of his roommate's debit card, which was used to pay for more than $2,300 worth of calls to phone sex lines, prosecutors allege in court papers.
Shane Erin Mack, 20, of Belt, Mont., was charged with the gross misdemeanors of identity theft and theft by false representation. He made his first court appearance on Monday. Bail was set at $2,500. He remained in jail Tuesday afternoon.
Steele County prosecutor Scott Schrener said investigators only had documentation in hand for about $500 worth of calls, but the victim reported that $2,350 worth of calls had been made. Schrener said the criminal charges could be upgraded in the future.
The calls were made from March 23 to May 13, according to court papers.
Mack allegedly told investigators he admitted taking the debit card out of his roommate's wallet and using it to make up to 30 calls to adult phone lines from public phones on campus, the criminal complaint said.
College spokesman Tom Lawson said Mack would not be allowed to return to the school when classes resume in the fall. According to the college Web site, the college offers a Christian "education program which imparts a biblical worldview."
A call to the public defender who represented Mack in court on Monday was not immediately returned.
Mack's next court appearance was scheduled for June 1.
___
Information from: Owatonna People's Press, http://www.owatonna.com
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
The finale, finally
Well, tonight's American Idol finale had its ups and downs. Both Taylor and Katharine sang well, but the only show stopping, superstar performance was Katharine singing "Somewhere Over The Rainbow," which she did even better this time around. However, I think Taylor is gonna win. He had the most solid performances tonight, even if his second performance was rather lackluster. I did not like Katharine's final song at all. She was definitely better than that song. It was just plain boring. I don't know why she chose that one. Taylor did definitely better on his final song, and I think that is what the voters will remember. Sure, Katharine did the best peformance of the competition and has a great, strong voice, but will that be enough to carry her into the winner's circle...I don't think so. Bottom line: People love Taylor. Taylor is gonna win.
But then, this is American Idol. If Chris can get kicked off, anything can happen.
But then, this is American Idol. If Chris can get kicked off, anything can happen.
Employee of The Month
For all those people who wanted to see my employee of the month poster, well, here it is...
I had a good hair day that day, didn't I - hehe
Paint Shop is so fun!!!
I had a good hair day that day, didn't I - hehe
Paint Shop is so fun!!!
Paint Shop Fun
Britney Spears is in trouble, once again. This time, it is for letting Michael Jackson babysit her son, Sean Preston...
Bad Britney!
(I had a little too much fun with Paint Shop last night - hehe)
Bad Britney!
(I had a little too much fun with Paint Shop last night - hehe)
Sorry, wrong number
Weirdness. This morning has been weirdness all around. First, I open my soda and it goes fizzing out all over my desk. Grrrr.. Now, my desk calendar is all soda-spotted. Then, I get a call on my cell phone from someone saying "where you at?" When I asked who it was, the person hung up. Then I get 2 text messages saying "hey bro, give me a call. I heard you turned it in Taft." I have NO idea what this means. Apparently people are calling and texting the wrong number today. It is so annoying. It is not the first time this has happened. A few weeks ago, this person kept calling me, insisting that my # was on her caller id. Well, I did not make any calls so there was no way my # could have been on her caller id, and I told her so. She called me like 2 more times, then finally gave up. Does someone else have my # or was it just a number close to mine? I dunno. The other night, someone called me at midnight asking for "Jessica." I just said " I am not Jessica, and I don't know who or where Jessica is," and hung up. Grrrrrrr.
Caption This!
After a series of exhausting tests, the truth about how many people it actually takes to screw in a lightbulb is found.
Post your own funny caption in a comment if you want.
Random Fact of The Day
Reindeer and caribou are the only species of deer where both the males and females grow antlers. It can happen in other species, but it is extremely rare.
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
"An alert Missouri reader sent in a newsletter from Rocky Mountain National Park containing this tip for visitors: 'Avoid the traffic by using one of the park's shuttle buses and view the elk rut with a park ranger."
Stupid News Story of The Day
(How come I am never there when something like this happens?)
Malfunction Cuts Gas Price to 29 Cents
HAMMOND, Ind. - When a pump at a gas station malfunctioned, opportunistic motorists were able to buy gas for 29 cents per gallon.
A Marathon station sold a gallon of fuel for less than the price of a first-class stamp for about 90 minutes Friday before the mistake was detected and and the price corrected to $2.79.
While still answering questions from customers about why the price had suddenly gone up, clerk Nida Tayyab said more than 50 people had crowded the store, likely thinking the mishap was a price promotion, and received the bargain. Normally, the station serves about 10 people per hour.
"I was really confused," she said. "It was so messed up. I can't explain here how it was."
When Tayyab figured out what was going on, she called her father, who works at another store, for help fixing the situation.
"It's fine now. It's all working," Tayyab added.
Monday, May 22, 2006
Oops she did it yet again
Yeah, Britney almost dropped her baby while walking through a crowd, drink in one hand, Sean P in the other. Luckily, her bodyguard was there to save poor Sean P from a head-pounding on the pavement. Check out this footage I found on perezhilton.com...
This kid will be lucky to live to puberty at this rate! That kid, as soon as he gets old enough, should kick Britney's ass for 1) marrying that dumbass K-Fed, 2) for letting K-Fed impregnate her, and 3) for almost killing him...again. And then when he's done with Britney, he should kick K-Fed's ass for 1) wearing corn rows, 2) looking like a total bum, and 3) being a total bum. And a good extra kick just for being so stupid! I can't believe that Britney is gonna have another kid with that loser. She better be careful. Remember that Kevin left his former girlfriend after baby #2. And now that Britney is all trailer-trashy like him, he is gonna go looking for a new baby mamma.
In the meantime, all seems well in the Federspears world. Here is a nice picture of the happy family...
I am almost positive that Sean P's first words will be "no drop me momma" or "f*ck ya'll."
Check out perezhilton.com for more Britney fun. That site is hilarious!!
This kid will be lucky to live to puberty at this rate! That kid, as soon as he gets old enough, should kick Britney's ass for 1) marrying that dumbass K-Fed, 2) for letting K-Fed impregnate her, and 3) for almost killing him...again. And then when he's done with Britney, he should kick K-Fed's ass for 1) wearing corn rows, 2) looking like a total bum, and 3) being a total bum. And a good extra kick just for being so stupid! I can't believe that Britney is gonna have another kid with that loser. She better be careful. Remember that Kevin left his former girlfriend after baby #2. And now that Britney is all trailer-trashy like him, he is gonna go looking for a new baby mamma.
In the meantime, all seems well in the Federspears world. Here is a nice picture of the happy family...
I am almost positive that Sean P's first words will be "no drop me momma" or "f*ck ya'll."
Check out perezhilton.com for more Britney fun. That site is hilarious!!
Caption This!
Do these glasses make my face look fat?
Post your own funny caption in a comment if you want to.
Random Fact of The Day
The pope's full title is "Bishop of Rome, Vicar of Jesus Christ, Successor of the Prince of the Apostles, Supreme Pontiff of the Universal Church, Primate of Italy, Archbishop and Metropolitan of the Roman province, Sovereign of the State of the Vatican City, Servant of the Servants of God."
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
"I could point out that, to judge from the covers of countless women's magazines, the two topics most interesting to women are:
(1) Why men are all disgusting pigs, and
(2) How to attract men. "
(1) Why men are all disgusting pigs, and
(2) How to attract men. "
Stupid News Story of The Day
(He really likes gum.)
Man Takes Police Station Gumball Machine
ROTTERDAM, N.Y. - While waiting for his friend to be processed on a drunken driving charge Friday morning at the Rotterdam Police Department, 21-year-old Adam Jewett picked up the gumball machine in the lobby and walked out the door with it, authorities say.
Jewett was riding in Zachary Peek's vehicle when it was stopped by an officer about 3 a.m. in Rotterdam, police said. A dispatcher watching the surveillance system saw Jewett carry away the gumball machine. He told the officer processing Peek on the driving while intoxicated charge. Patrolman Stephen Dixon found Jewett in the parking lot with the gumball machine.
Jewett, who lives in Rotterdam, was charged with petit larceny, a misdemeanor, police said. He and Peek, 21, from nearby Schenectady, were issued appearance tickets for Rotterdam Town Court.
Celebrity answers to why the chicken crossed the road
DR. PHIL:
The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on "THIS" side of the road before it goes after the problem on the "OTHER SIDE" of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his "CURRENT" problems before adding "NEW" problems.
OPRAH:
Well I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
GEORGE W BUSH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
COLIN POWELL:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
ANDERSON COOPER/CNN:We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am for it now, and will remain against it.
NANCY GRACE:
That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART:
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
DR SEUSS :
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad?
ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die in the rain. Alone!
GRANDPA:
In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.
JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together - in peace.
ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2005, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet explorer is an integral part of eChicken. The Platform is much more stable and will never cra....
ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
BILL CLINTON:I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is the definition of chicken?
AL GORE:
I invented the chicken!
COLONEL SANDERS:Did I miss one?
The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on "THIS" side of the road before it goes after the problem on the "OTHER SIDE" of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his "CURRENT" problems before adding "NEW" problems.
OPRAH:
Well I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
GEORGE W BUSH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
COLIN POWELL:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
ANDERSON COOPER/CNN:We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am for it now, and will remain against it.
NANCY GRACE:
That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART:
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
DR SEUSS :
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad?
ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die in the rain. Alone!
GRANDPA:
In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.
JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together - in peace.
ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2005, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet explorer is an integral part of eChicken. The Platform is much more stable and will never cra....
ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
BILL CLINTON:I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is the definition of chicken?
AL GORE:
I invented the chicken!
COLONEL SANDERS:Did I miss one?
Sunday, May 21, 2006
Oh the weather outside is lovely
Oh my gosh, the weather outside is great today - ok, well it's not sunny...it's kinda rainy and humid, but it is nice and cool. I have the windows open....all of the windows and I am still in my pjs and have actually been doing some housework today. Fathom that! Housework. Am I nuts? Yes. But I am a happy-in-my-pjs nut - hehe. Hopefully, there will be some thunderstorms later on. I love to watch the lightning and hear the thunder. Love it! Of course, it will be right back up to the 90's soon, so better enjoy this while it lasts.
This weekend has been thankfully boring. Although I did drive a friend and her daughter to Anaheim yesterday cuz she needed to get back home. I wasn't too thrilled about having to drive to LA, but hey, I am not one to turn down a favor for a friend, especially when she needed to get back home.
I watched When A Stranger Calls the other day, and it was pretty decent, though I thought the ending was too abrupt. It was almost like they ran out of time or something and needed to just end it. But, it was a nice, taut, tense thriller overall, and good entertainment. Not on the level of Halloween, (but then, what is?) but still decent.
Time to get back to vaccuuming. WOO HOO! YES! I love to vaccuum! (just kidding. I haven't gone THAT nuts yet).
This weekend has been thankfully boring. Although I did drive a friend and her daughter to Anaheim yesterday cuz she needed to get back home. I wasn't too thrilled about having to drive to LA, but hey, I am not one to turn down a favor for a friend, especially when she needed to get back home.
I watched When A Stranger Calls the other day, and it was pretty decent, though I thought the ending was too abrupt. It was almost like they ran out of time or something and needed to just end it. But, it was a nice, taut, tense thriller overall, and good entertainment. Not on the level of Halloween, (but then, what is?) but still decent.
Time to get back to vaccuuming. WOO HOO! YES! I love to vaccuum! (just kidding. I haven't gone THAT nuts yet).
Thursday, May 18, 2006
Craziness
You wanna know something crazy? It is supposed to be 101 degrees outside today. Right now it is 94 outside and the humidity is 33%, which means it SUCKS ass outside. By Sunday, though, the high is supposed to be 70. Up and down the weather goes. Where it stops, no one knows!
And despite it all, I am inside this building wearing a jacket cuz it is freezing in here. It's just nuts!
And despite it all, I am inside this building wearing a jacket cuz it is freezing in here. It's just nuts!
Caption This!
Fidel Castro shows off his lighter side by playing Peek-a-boo with the audience.
post your own funny caption in a comment if you would like to.
I wanna be a ghost hunter!
Well, Elliott is out on AI. Such a sad, sad day. But I am happy he made it to the final 3. He was the underdog of the show, and seems like such a nice guy who truly feels lucky for having a shot on the show. I wish he would have been the next American Idol, but it is gonna be either Taylor or Katharine, and honestly, after seeing how close the results were last night, I don't know who is gonna win. I just get so sick of hearing "Soul Patrol" from Taylor's mouth, after every performance. I get the feeling that if he does make a record, it is gonna be called "Soul Patrol." If not, then at least one song will be called that. Yeah, he seems like a nice guy, but he is such a spaz! He wears me out by just watching him run from place to place.
I went to the rheumatologist yesterday for a checkup. Big fun. It is always fun to have blood work. (yes, that was sarcasm. I don't actually like having blood taken. Ewww). I have been having a rough time lately with this arthritis crapola. I am always in pain, and no matter how many pills I take, it doesn't go away. I guess it is just a bad flare up or something, but it better go away soon. I am tired of being tired and in pain, damnit! GRRRR. Maybe I should go see Dr House. He could fix me up I bet. And if not, at least I will have something good to look at - hehe.
I watched Brokeback Mountain yesterday evening. Such a good movie and sooooo sad. I wanted to cry at the end. I did especially enjoy the naked butt flashes from Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal - hehe. But the movie really was good.....yet so sad.
I am a new fan of Ghost Hunters on the Sci-Fi Channel. I love that show. Almost as much as I love House. (I said "almost"). Ghost Hunters rocks! That show is so freakin' cool. I wanna be a ghost hunter! I wanna form my own Bakersfield Association for Paranormal Studies. (BAPS) Anyone wanna join??? Bring your own EMF readers and Thermal cams, cuz I don't have any on hand. We'll listen for EVP's and look out for cold spots. It will be awesome!
I am off tomorrow. Gotta love those 3-day weekends. In fact, I have 2 of em coming up in a row (due to Memorial Day). YES. Finally a reason to smile.
I went to the rheumatologist yesterday for a checkup. Big fun. It is always fun to have blood work. (yes, that was sarcasm. I don't actually like having blood taken. Ewww). I have been having a rough time lately with this arthritis crapola. I am always in pain, and no matter how many pills I take, it doesn't go away. I guess it is just a bad flare up or something, but it better go away soon. I am tired of being tired and in pain, damnit! GRRRR. Maybe I should go see Dr House. He could fix me up I bet. And if not, at least I will have something good to look at - hehe.
I watched Brokeback Mountain yesterday evening. Such a good movie and sooooo sad. I wanted to cry at the end. I did especially enjoy the naked butt flashes from Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal - hehe. But the movie really was good.....yet so sad.
I am a new fan of Ghost Hunters on the Sci-Fi Channel. I love that show. Almost as much as I love House. (I said "almost"). Ghost Hunters rocks! That show is so freakin' cool. I wanna be a ghost hunter! I wanna form my own Bakersfield Association for Paranormal Studies. (BAPS) Anyone wanna join??? Bring your own EMF readers and Thermal cams, cuz I don't have any on hand. We'll listen for EVP's and look out for cold spots. It will be awesome!
I am off tomorrow. Gotta love those 3-day weekends. In fact, I have 2 of em coming up in a row (due to Memorial Day). YES. Finally a reason to smile.
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
Ask Mister Language Person
"Q. What is the correct usage of the phrase, 'With all due respect'?
A. It is correctly used to 'soften the blow' when you wish to criticize someone in a diplomatic and nonjudgmental manner, as in: 'With all due respect, you are much worse than Hitler,' or 'No disrespect intended, but you have the intelligence of a macaroon.' "
Stupid News Story of The Day
(With friends like these, who needs enemies?)
Friend left as deposit at gas station
BERLIN (Reuters) - A German woman left her friend as a deposit at a gas station because she did not have enough cash to pay for her petrol, police said Wednesday.
"She didn't have enough money to pay the bill, so her friend stayed behind as a human deposit while she went to withdraw cash," said a spokesman for police in the southern town of Muenchberg. "Unfortunately, the woman did not return."
Two hours after the 20-year-old driver left, the gas station called the police, who interrogated the stranded "deposit" before releasing her. Police are investigating the driver on suspicion of fraud.
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Who will stay and who will go?
Ok - So I missed the first half of last night's AI because I was standing in line at the UPS place picking up my package of camera batteries, so I can't make a qualified prediction on who is gonna stay or who is gonna go. But when it comes down to it, I think it will be Elliott that goes home, even though I REALLY want him to stay. I think he deserves to stay. I am not that captivated by Taylor's funky dancing or on-stage antics, and frankly, the last part of the last song he did last night sucked ass, but you know he will be staying. Of course, that is what I said about Chris and look what happened to him. So, in my mind, no one is a shoe in to make it to the final 2, but I think it will come down to Taylor and Katharine. Katharine did a perfect rendition of "Over The Rainbow." It was just awesome. I think that performance alone will get her into the finals. We shall see.
Random Fact of The Day
Thunder is the sound of the shockwave caused when lightning heats up the air around it to 54,000 degrees F. The hot air expands rapidly, then contracts as it cools. This expansion and contraction generates sound waves, making the sound we call "thunder."
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
"The poker guys on TV are usually playing 'Texas Hold-Em,' which is the hottest poker game at the moment, although there are many other popular variations of poker, including Seven Card Stud, Five Card Draw, Alabama Grope 'Em, Omaha High Low, Iowa Bore 'Em, Six Card High Low Medium Jacks Wild Stud Draw Go Fish, Cincinnati Lawn Flamingo, Florida Recount 'Em, Kansas City Clam Enhancer, Arkansas Geld 'Em, New Jersey Whack 'Em, New York Kvetch 'Em, Red Rover, and Whist."
Stupid News Story of The Day
(Must...lick....feet!)
Homeless Foot-Licker Charged in Calif.
SANTA ANA, Calif. - A homeless Orange County man who allegedly licked the feet of five boys after promising to cast them in a television commercial has been charged with lewd conduct, officials said Tuesday.
Steven Michael Jones, 43, will be arraigned in Newport Beach Friday, said Sheriff's Department Spokesman Jim Amormino.
Jones, of San Clemente, was charged with five felony counts of lewd acts with a child and one misdemeanor of child annoyance, Amormino said. All the victims were under 14.
If convicted on all counts, Jones faces 16 years in prison.
Sheriff's deputies arrested Jones April 14 near the shore in San Clemente. Witnesses told authorities Jones was wearing a suit the day before when he approached three boys sitting on a bench, Amormino said.
"It's unusual for someone to wear a suit to the beach," Amormino said.
The boys had just come off the beach and were not wearing shoes. Jones allegedly promised them a part in a Johnson & Johnson television commercial, telling them he first needed to inspect their feet, Amormino said.
"He allegedly licked the bottom of one of the boys' feet. The other two boys ran away," Amormino said.
Jones allegedly used a similar ruse March 28 on four boys near Dana Point Library. He said he'd pay them $1,500 to appear in a commercial, but first had to inspect their feet, Amormino said. Jones allegedly licked the feet of all four boys, Amormino said.
Jones was being held on $115,000 bail.
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Caption This!
"David Jones's severe allergies were always a big problem during springtime, so he should have known better than to have walked into that garden..."
post your own funny caption in a comment if you would like.
Flip-flopping my work day away
I know it's May, but I think summer is officially arrived in Bakersfield. It was 97 degrees when I left work yesterday, and it is supposed to be 94 today, and in the 90's for the rest of the week. Or maybe this year is just gonna be one of those freaksome years where it is hotter than usual (note that the average high temps for May in B-Town are the low 80's). Then looking ahead to next week, it says it is going to be 72 on Monday, then back up to 91 on Wednesday. Up and down the weather goes (And OF COURSE it is gonna be nice on Monday ...when I am at work).
Now that it is "summer," the summer dress code is in force at work, which is great. That means I don't have to wear pantyhose (aka the devil's socks) when I wear a skirt or when I wear sandals. But the thing that just irks me about this whole dress code is the part where it deems what is and what is not acceptable footwear. Now, I can see that plastic thongs would be unacceptable. This is, after all, a business, and you wear thongs to the beach or pool and not to the office. But this whole part that says you can't wear shoes that make a "flip flop" sound when you walk, because that supposedly is too distracting to other people to hear, just is plain stupid. I wore some sandals (not thongs) that make a flip flop sound when I walk to work today. I tried to see what the whole fuss was about but I didn't see anything. Hell, when I walk, you don't even notice the sound of the shoes because you can't really hear them over the sound of other people talking and typing. Hell, the typing sounds are louder than my damned shoes, so screw them. I am wearing them and if they say anything, I am gonna point out that the sounds of people typing and talking are louder than my shoes, and until they ban typing and talking, I am gonna continue to wear my flip-flopping shoes. They are comfortable, and comfort is my #1 priority when it comes to my feet. Besides, those high heel shoes make a whole hell of a lot more noise when people walk that my piddly sandals do. If they don't like my shoes, they can all just bite me. (But if they do, I am gonna throw my flip-flopping shoes at their miserable, flip-flop-hating heads).
Speaking of annoying things, my email junk mail folder overfloweth. I was getting some 100 junk emails a day and decided that emptying it out on a daily basis was more trouble that it was worth, so I chose to ignore it. So now, I have over ten-thousand junk emails in my box. GRRRRR. How annoying. I think I am gonna try to get it up to 20,000 next - lol.
Now that it is "summer," the summer dress code is in force at work, which is great. That means I don't have to wear pantyhose (aka the devil's socks) when I wear a skirt or when I wear sandals. But the thing that just irks me about this whole dress code is the part where it deems what is and what is not acceptable footwear. Now, I can see that plastic thongs would be unacceptable. This is, after all, a business, and you wear thongs to the beach or pool and not to the office. But this whole part that says you can't wear shoes that make a "flip flop" sound when you walk, because that supposedly is too distracting to other people to hear, just is plain stupid. I wore some sandals (not thongs) that make a flip flop sound when I walk to work today. I tried to see what the whole fuss was about but I didn't see anything. Hell, when I walk, you don't even notice the sound of the shoes because you can't really hear them over the sound of other people talking and typing. Hell, the typing sounds are louder than my damned shoes, so screw them. I am wearing them and if they say anything, I am gonna point out that the sounds of people typing and talking are louder than my shoes, and until they ban typing and talking, I am gonna continue to wear my flip-flopping shoes. They are comfortable, and comfort is my #1 priority when it comes to my feet. Besides, those high heel shoes make a whole hell of a lot more noise when people walk that my piddly sandals do. If they don't like my shoes, they can all just bite me. (But if they do, I am gonna throw my flip-flopping shoes at their miserable, flip-flop-hating heads).
Speaking of annoying things, my email junk mail folder overfloweth. I was getting some 100 junk emails a day and decided that emptying it out on a daily basis was more trouble that it was worth, so I chose to ignore it. So now, I have over ten-thousand junk emails in my box. GRRRRR. How annoying. I think I am gonna try to get it up to 20,000 next - lol.
My junk mail box overfloweth
This is what happens to your junk mail box when you don't clean it out for months.
Random Fact of The Day
Dutch peanut butter is called "pindakaas" which literally translates into "peanut cheese."
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
"All poker games are essentially the same: A person (or, in poker slang, 'dealer') gives you some cards ('cards'), which you look at in a furtive manner ('sneaking a gander') to see if you have a good hand ('bling bling') after which you bet (or 'kiss the eel') by placing money ('cheese') into the pot ('marijuana'). This goes on until somebody ('not you') wins, at which point all the losers express heartfelt congratulations in colorful slang terms."
Stupid News Story of The Day
(See. A penny really IS worth something.)
Power Is Shut Off Over One Cent
FLINT, Mich. - It was just a penny, but to Consumers Energy it was enough to cut off power in a local home. Jacqueline Williams, 41, of Flint had an electricity bill of $1,662.08 and paid all of it, except for one cent. That wasn't enough for the power company, which blacked her out for seven hours Wednesday.
The CMS Energy Corp. subsidiary told Williams the power would not be turned on until the penny was received.
"I went down there, paid my penny and got a receipt," Williams told The Flint Journal.
Shortly after, the electricity was turned back on.
"All of this for one penny," said Williams, who went to the state Department of Human Services for help in April and was told the agency would pay most of the bill.
But she was still short more than $500.
Williams, a Social Security recipient, went to the Salvation Army, where she received $430.67, and Consumers agreed to match $430.66 toward the bill.
However, she was still one cent short.
A Consumers Energy spokesman said that the utility had no choice in the matter, though he was not aware of any similar incidents where service was stopped for one cent.
"This was the first one I've heard about," said Terry DeDoes. He said the company has many programs to help people who fall behind in their utility bills.
Williams said she doesn't want to find herself in the same situation again.
"I'm praying to God I stay on top of my bills," she said.
Monday, May 15, 2006
Yosemite Weekend
I went to Yosemite this weekend. It was so nice. The weather was perfect and the waterfalls were flowing. Gorgeous place. I would go every weekend if I lived closer. My feet are very sore though. I posted pics and wrote all about it and you can find that BY CLICKING HERE. If you wanna see the pics but skip the boring reading, then you can CLICK HERE. Or go all out and do both. I don't care - lol.
I have to go to civil rights training in a few, so I gotta cut this short. Yep...we all have to go and get training on how to be civilized. Even though we do it every year. I guess they think that after a year we forget all our training and go back to being heathens again.
I have to go to civil rights training in a few, so I gotta cut this short. Yep...we all have to go and get training on how to be civilized. Even though we do it every year. I guess they think that after a year we forget all our training and go back to being heathens again.
Random Fact of The Day
The rattlesnake's rattle is made up of a series of nested, hollow beads which are actually modified scales from the tip of its tail. Each time the snake sheds its skin, a new rattle segment is added. You cannot tell a snake's age by the number of rattle segments on its tail, as the snake may shed its skin several times a year.
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
Commencement Address to the College Class of 2006
"Yes, graduates, as much as you love your Mom and Dad, you're realistic enough to understand that deep down inside, that they are the two most annoying human beings on the planet. And so the time will come - I give it six weeks - when you realize that you can no longer continue living with them. And so you will summon your courage, take a deep breath, and ask them to move out. It's only fair! They've had the house practically to themselves for years! Now it's your turn! Let THEM go work at Starbucks."
Stupid News Story of The Day
(Oops. My bad.)
Cops Lose $31K After Tossing Broken Desk
SOMERVILLE, Mass. - More than $31,000 in drug money seized by Somerville police now is buried forever under tons of garbage in a Rochester, N.H., landfill after officers accidentally stashed the cash in a broken desk drawer that was being discarded.
The drug money went missing after an evidence room technician, who had been cleaning out evidence rooms at police headquarters since last Wednesday, put the $31,535 in the drawer of the broken desk, said acting police Chief Robert Bradley. On Monday, while the technician was out of the office, two other officers involved in the evidence room cleanup threw out the desk, along with broken chairs and furniture for spring cleaning.
Bradley said the normal evidence room technician came back to work, but immediately noticed that the desk was missing. Officials eventually found that the trash and the drawer unit had been hauled to the New Hampshire landfill.
On Wednesday, Somerville officers went to the New Hampshire to try and dig up the cash. However they found it was buried under hundreds of tons of super-dense, hydraulically compacted waste, and there was no way to get to it, even with heavy equipment.
"A very bad mistake," Bradley said of losing the money.
Bradley said the department was investigating to determine whether any disciplinary action was appropriate.
The $31,535, which covers about a dozen investigations conducted by Somerville police since July 1, 2005, was to have been split between the department and the Middlesex County district attorney's office if prosecutors won convictions in those cases.
Friday, May 12, 2006
Baby, one more time
By now EVERYONE should know that Federspears is having another baby. Apparently Kevin Federline isn't happy just having 3 kids in this world....no. He wants to create his own baseball team....the Federline Corn Rows. Yeah. Britney's got another bun in the oven. Apparently the girl didn't learn her lesson the first time around. Hasn't she heard of birth control? (and with Kevin Federline, the more birth control the better!!!) As a little homage to the less than dynamic duo, I wrote a little song, from Sean Preston's point of view...
Oh baby, baby,
Mommy's tummy's starting to grow.
She let my greasy daddy back inside her.
Oh baby, baby,
Doesn't my mommy know,
That birth control's not a crime, yeah.
Someone buy my mom a baby car seat,
In fact, buy two, one for the baby and one for me,
Oh because,
The strength of my dad's fertility,
And my mom's immaturity,
Have come together to extend my family.
Please don't run that stop sign,
And don't drop me mommy, one more time.
Poor Sean Preston. Poor future Federspears. As Carlos Mencia said, Britney should get her vagina sewn shut! And fast. The thought of 10 or 11 Federspears kids running around is scary!
Oh baby, baby,
Mommy's tummy's starting to grow.
She let my greasy daddy back inside her.
Oh baby, baby,
Doesn't my mommy know,
That birth control's not a crime, yeah.
Someone buy my mom a baby car seat,
In fact, buy two, one for the baby and one for me,
Oh because,
The strength of my dad's fertility,
And my mom's immaturity,
Have come together to extend my family.
Please don't run that stop sign,
And don't drop me mommy, one more time.
Poor Sean Preston. Poor future Federspears. As Carlos Mencia said, Britney should get her vagina sewn shut! And fast. The thought of 10 or 11 Federspears kids running around is scary!
Caption This!
Sahir had a strange feeling that someone was behind him.
post your own funny caption in a comment if you would like.
Random Fact of The Day
Mt. Everest is the tallest mountain in the world, at 29,028 feet tall. Its summit ridge marks the border between China and Nepal.
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
"What happens if a big asteroid hits Earth ? Judging from realistic simulations involving a sledge hammer and a common laboratory frog, we can assume it will be pretty bad. "
Stupid News Story of The Day
(At least they know it works.)
Shotgun Goes Off at Auction, Shooting Two
BELLEVUE, Iowa - An auction to benefit a family whose home burned down went off with a bang. Fortunately, no one was seriously hurt. Darrell Clasen and John Moellers were both shot when a 10-gauge shotgun accidentally discharged at the auction on Sunday.
Police said a 10-year-old boy put a shell in the gun, which was on a table of things to be auctioned. A man later picked up the gun and it discharged, police said.
Moellers was hit in the shoulder. Clasen was struck in the arm. Both men were taken to a the hospital where they were treated and released.
Clasen said he heard the gun go off.
"It was loud," he said. "I could see the smoke from the gun and then I felt it. It didn't hurt, but it was like a burning sensation."
Clasen said both he and Moellers were going to be OK. He said no one is holding a grudge.
"Everybody learned a lesson," he said.
There were about 200 people at the benefit and the boy apparently was able to put the shell in the gun unnoticed because of the noise of the crowd, police said.
The benefit was being held for a family whose home burned down last month.
___
Information from: Telegraph Herald, http://www.thonline.com
Thursday, May 11, 2006
More American Idol crap
I am still mad about Chris getting booted from American Idol. I think the American public has gone nuts to pick Katharine over Chris, but then I am inclined to think that the votes don't actually count anyway. Stupid show. Still, I was reading around and what some people had to say actually made sense. For one, Chris is the "rocker" and no "rocker" has ever won American Idol. Last year Bo Bice came close, but in the end, the All-American Carrie Underwood took it all. Second, Chris is better not winning the show because I doubt very many bands would take him too seriously as the winner of American Idol. He got enough exposure on the show that someone is gonna pick him up, and yes, there are rumors that he might be the next lead singer for Fuel. I have read that on many places. Thirdly, he didn't have the likeable factor that Taylor and Katharine have. Taylor is a crowd pleaser. I don't think his music will translate as well to an audio record as it would to maybe something like Broadway or something, where his charisma would come in handy. And of course, Katharine has the teenage boys' vote now that all the other girls are out of the competition. Chris has power in his voice and a commanding stage presence, but he didn't compromise himself (which I don't think one should ever do in the first place, but then the show is a popularity contest and not always a talent contest, and sometimes to win, you gotta compromise...kudos to him for not doing so.). I think, again this is going on whether or not you think the votes actually count, that many of the voters thought that Chris was a shoe-in and didn't NEED the votes to make it to the final 3. So they voted for Elliot, the underdog, and Katharine because she was in danger of being eliminated. Taylor, who has never been in the lowest votes range, was obviously safe. Of course, this left Chris in the dust, but so what. You know you will be seeing more of him.
I am still pissed though. Grrrrr
I am still pissed though. Grrrrr
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