Stupid News Story of The Day

(Practice doesn't always make perfect.)

Woman seeking license sends car into canal

POMPANO BEACH, Fla. - A 19-year-old woman may have to practice a little more after driving a borrowed taxi into a canal just before she was scheduled to take her driver's license test Wednesday, authorities said.

The woman's neighbor, a Broward Taxi Co. cab driver, drove her to the Pompano Beach license testing office and agreed to let the woman practice driving around the parking lot in his car before she took the test, city spokeswoman Sandra King said.

"He said the next thing he knew she was driving through the bushes and into the canal," King said. "He ran over and pulled her out of the car."

"Obviously, she did not take or pass her driver's test," King added.

No one was hurt in the incident and no charges were pending.

"It was purely an accident," King said.

The identities of the woman and the cab driver were not immediately available.

I'm Mr Heat Miser, I'm Mr Sun...

Holy hell, it is gonna be hot today. It is supposed to be in the triple digits here for a week straight. Ugh. It is the first day of summer today, and it sure came in with a burn. I truly despise summer...weather-wise, that is.

Last night, a new episode of Dirty Jobs was on. Poor Mike Rowe. First he went to do something with coal ( I kinda missed this part, but I know he got dirty - lol). Then he went on to do some oyster shucking. But the best part was when he got to tear down the Rose Parade floats. I never knew just how much went into those suckers. Damn. By the time they got done with tearing down the float, it was nothing but a pile of rotting flowers and fruit and pieces of steel. That rotting fruit looked damned nasty, and even though you can't smell what he is smelling, I could tell that it smelled absolutely foul. YUK! He nearly hurled on the float - lol. I think his suggestion for a vomit float for next year's parade was a good one - hehe.If you haven't seen Dirty Jobs, watch it. It is hilarious, and it will make you feel better about your own job (unless you work in a sewer, that is). Check out on the Discovery Channel at 9pm on Tuesdays, and check out their website (click HERE to go there).


Mike Rowe: "Do I wash my clothes? No, I burn them."

Lunch time is fast approaching, and I REALLY don't wanna go outside to go anywhere for lunch (cuz it is already about 90 degrees outside), and I am REALLY not in the mood for beef stew (today's cafeteria special), so I think I will stay at my desk and take a nap - lol. I am sleeeeeeeepy. I took 2 Tylenol PMs before I went to bed last night and still woke up twice last night - grrrr. And I realllly didn't wanna get out of bed this morning, but here I am. Yawn.

Weather forecast for Bakersfield, CA

Today:
HOT

Tomorrow:
HOTTER

Friday:
DAMNED HOT

Saturday:
FREAKIN' HOT

Sunday:
move to Alaska, cuz it's gonna be HOT

Next week:
HOT, HOT, HOT, HOT, HOT, HOT, and HOT

Phobia of The Day

Selaphobia: fear of light flashes

Random Fact of The Day

It takes eight and a half minutes for light to get from the sun to earth.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Calm down, people. Calm down.)

Excitement blamed for three deaths

SHANGHAI (Reuters) - Over-excitement during World Cup games has been blamed for the deaths of at least three fans in China and one man broke several bones when he fell from a Hong Kong balcony, the Shanghai Daily reported on Wednesday.

The rash of disasters had prompted doctors to urge fans to monitor their moods during games and keep an eye on their drinking and blood pressure, it said.

China is obsessed with football but is six hours ahead of Germany, meaning many of the games are shown late at night or in the early hours of the morning -- peak drinking times.

A young man named Wang, watching a game on June 10 at a bar in Changsha, the capital of southern Hunan province, drank too much and died at four the following morning, the newspaper said.

Four days later, a woman surnamed Wei, who suffered from high blood pressure, was watching South Korea vs Togo in Hangzhou, near Shanghai.

"She took a shower, went to bed and later died," the newspaper said.

The same day, Li Zhenbao, 27, died in his sleep in Hong Kong after staying up all night to watch three games in a row.

"Doctors suspected he died of a heart attack brought on by over-excitement," the newspaper said.

Ge Zuquan, 29, grew so excited during the game between the Netherlands and Ivory Coast that he ran to his fourth-floor Hong Kong balcony and jumped in the air.

"But he bounced over the railing," the newspaper said. "Doctors said he could have been paralyzed."

As it was, he merely broke bones in his spine, hip, ankle and wrist.

Caption This!

Yuri Staniskova, said this of soccer:

"In this game, you have to know how to take balls to the head.

It sure has improved my game and my relationship with my team."

post your own funny caption in a comment if you want to.

Phobia of The Day

Ranidaphobia: fear of frogs

Random Fact of The Day

Frogs cannot swallow without blinking.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"Nan Bell and Elisabeth Lindsay sent in an Associated Press article concerning efforts to identify the person whose leg washed ashore in Bodega Bay, California, containing this quote from an official of the coroner's office: 'We're stumped, basically.'"

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Oops. My bad.)

Wife accused in swordplay death of husband

BEIJING (Reuters) - A Chinese woman has been charged with accidentally killing her husband with a sword after he refused to make her dinner, the Shanghai Daily said on Tuesday.

Police said Tang Xiaowan, 25, who has been practicing swordsmanship since she was young, had often forced her husband of three years at swordpoint to carry out her demands.

On March 3, her husband, Li Weidong, refused to cook dinner because he was late for work.

Police said Tang picked up her sword and put it on Li's chest and promptly slipped, stabbing Li by mistake.

Li died in hospital from loss of blood.

Tang was arrested Monday and charged with manslaughter.

There are 100 movie titles hidden in this picture...

Posted by Picasa

click on the picture for a larger view. (or go HERE and save this as your desktop wallpaper)

I posted some to start off. When you find more, post them in a comment :)

Bend It Like Beckham
The Hills Have Eyes
Kingdom of Heaven
Airplane
Alien
Elephant
Scorpion King
Toy Story
Big Fish
Saw 2
The Hand That Rocks The Cradle
The Pink Panther
Anaconda
Small Soldiers
Beetlejuice
2 To Tango
Taxi
A Clockwork Orange
Napoleon Dynamite
Mona Lisa Smile
Boomerang
Red Dragon
Crash
12 Monkeys
Domino
Casino
Phone Booth
Swordfish

My moon sign

normally, I don't put much stock into these things, but I was bored and was diddling around on the net and found THIS SITE. This describes me to a "t" - lol.

MOON IN SAGITTARIUS

You absolutely love the great outdoors! You love the feeling of freedom that it gives you. People see you as a person who is active, fond of travel & sports, and quite jovial (derived from Jove or Jupiter, the ruling planet of Sagittarius!). However, when you are not outside you may appear to be restless, both physically and mentally. You tend to act first, and think later. This is most apparent, and harmful, in conversation. You say whatever is on your mind, simply and bluntly. You are not suited for diplomatic relations. As far as your occupation is concerned, you may be apt to changing it, or have more than one vocation. Overall you are good-natured, kind, and honest. You are very perceptive of others emotions. And if someone is hurt, you take it personally. You may have a short temper, but you are quick to forgive, and you never (well rarely,) hold a grudge. You are a good teacher because of your perspective on life. You can see the possible outcome of events long before they occur (your favorite phrase: 'I told you so!'). Your intuition is strong, and often your dreams come true. This might indicate a psychic influence (but don't count on it!). You can't stay in one place for too long. You like to move!

It's a dirty job, but someone's gotta do it

Oh God. It's Monday again. Ugh. Once again, last night, I could not sleep. I know it had to be after 1:45 am when I finally fell asleep (that's what time it was the last time I looked at the clock before I fell asleep). The doctor would be so pissed at me if she found that out - lol. It wasn't for lack of trying. I kept telling myself to relax and go to sleep, but, yeah, that didn't work. I got up to get a glass of water, and being the dumbass I am, I tripped over my shoe and spilled the water all over the carpet - LOL. It would have helped to have turned the light on, but I was too lazy to do it. I guess the little "trip" was punishment for being lazy Of course, that is just the sort of person I am....a total klutz!

I kept thinking about this stupid heart murmur thing the doctor found. I know I shouldn't worry about it. If it were really something, she would have sent me to another doctor, right? I know she would have. I read that most of them are completely harmless anyway, but still I am a worry wart, just like my mom. I know that worrying will only put more stress on me and probably increase my blood pressure - lol. Stress is really getting to me lately, especially after finding out about this new problem. Grrrrrrrr. I need a vacation.... from myself!

I did have a pretty good day yesterday. I did absolutely nothing - lol. Well I did play around on the computer, messing around with Paint Shop and stuff. And there was a Dirty Jobs marathon on The Discovery Channel yesterday. I love that show. It is hilarious! And it makes me appreciate my own job. At least I am not out there sticking my arm up a cow's ass like some people have to do! I am glad I have an office job! That show makes me laugh.

I also love the fact that House is on tv late at night on TNT or some channel like that (I just know it is on channel 32 or 33...or maybe 34 - lol) At least I love that show and can't get enough of it. I want Dr House to be my doctor! hehe. He may be a cranky pants, but he is damned handsome...and damned smart.

I bet he could fix me! hehe

Caption This!

My, what a big head you have!

post your own funny caption in a comment if you wanna.

Caption This!

My, what a big head you have!

post your own funny caption in a comment if you wanna.

Phobia of The Day

Lygophobia: fear of darkness

Random Fact of The Day

The moon is actually moving away from Earth at a rate of 1.5 inches per year.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

Ask Mr. Language Person

Q. What are 'metrosexuals?'

A. They are individuals who have sex (also known as 'bling bling') on subways.

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Luckily, she didn't buy a pony instead.)

Woman accused of attack with dead puppy

ST. LOUIS - A woman accused of pummeling a dog breeder over the head with a dead Chihuahua has been charged with two misdemeanors and reimbursed the money she paid for the puppy.

Lisa Lynn Hopfer, 33, of Wentzville, was charged with trespassing and third-degree assault in the June 7 incident, authorities said.

No listed phone number for Hopfer was available. A man at her home who declined to identify himself told the St. Louis Post-Dispatch Friday that "there's another side to the story," but declined to elaborate.

Hopfer told police she had taken the puppy to a veterinarian, who said it was only 4 weeks old and needed to be returned to its mother. But before she could return the puppy named Chloe, it died.

Authorities said Hopfer went to the breeder's home, pushed her way inside and began fighting with the breeder as she tried to make her way to the basement to get another puppy, police said.

Linda Hulsey, 33, of St. Peters, wrestled the woman out of her house to the front porch, where the woman then hit the breeder over the head numerous times with the dead puppy, police said.

Hulsey said she was hit with the dead puppy at least 30 times and went to a hospital for her bruises, but had no serious injuries. She said she was upset that Hopfer had accused her of selling the puppy too young and said the puppy was two days shy of 6 weeks old.

Hulsey said she later returned the $100 that Hopfer had paid for the dog.

Happy Father's Day

To all the dads out there, everywhere.

Whenever I feel bad about myself...

I look at a picture of Britney Spears...



and suddenly, I feel pretty good again.

Caption This!

No! For the last time...I don't wanna spend the night at your house!

or

Who is this strange white woman and what does she want?

post your own funny caption in a comment if you wanna.

Phobia of The Day

Zemmiphobia: fear of the great mole rat

Random Fact of The Day

A mole can dig a hole 300 feet deep in one night.

Funny stuff From Dave Barry

Dream Vacation Itinerary

"At the present time, the Giant Lava Lamp does not, if you want to get highly technical, exist. But there's an impressive artist's rendering of it on their website. You can print this out and display it when you get to Soap Lake. 'Look kids!'you can say. 'Someday this will...Kids? Kids?' Ha ha! Turns out your kids escaped the car at a gas stop back in South Dakota and hitchhiked home. They're probably laughing at you right now. The little rascals! We'll see how hard they laugh when they find out you spent their college money on gas."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Maybe he should have just gone bungee jumping instead.)

Naked man takes 'risk', gets shot at

ANN ARBOR, Mich. - A marriage-minded man ran naked through his neighborhood, trying to show his hesitant girlfriend that taking risks is important. He got more than he bargained for when he ended up being chased and shot at.

"Just when you thought you had heard everything," Ann Arbor police Detective Sgt. Jim Stephenson told The Ann Arbor News.

The couple were discussing marriage early Wednesday when the woman said she wasn't sure if she was ready, according to Ann Arbor police reports. The man responded that taking risks is an important part of life and, to prove his point, jumped out of a first-floor window and ran naked across the street.

Before he could return, he spotted a couple walking and hid in some bushes to avoid them. A 28-year-old man noticed the bushes rustling and bare feet underneath, then drew a .40-caliber handgun and ordered the naked man out, police said.

The naked suitor ran away, but the armed man gave chase and threatened to shoot, police said. The gunman fired a shot and the naked man fell to the ground, suffering minor injuries.

A resident called police, who arrested the gunman on charges of aggravated assault and carrying a concealed weapon. He was taken to the Washtenaw County jail but released following further investigation, police Sgt. Patrick Hughes told The Associated Press.

The naked man was not arrested and didn't want to pursue charges, Hughes said.

___

Information from: The Ann Arbor News, http://www.mlive.com/aanews

Just how gross am I?

You Are 40% Gross

You're a tad gross, but generally you're a clean, hygienic person. No one can be perfectly clean all the time, and it's better to be human than a neat freak.

How Gross Are You?

Stop murmuring - I can't hear you

Well, I just got back from the rheumatologist. Big fun. At least they didn't have to take my blood this time. Yes, I escaped the needle. I knew that my last blood test was gonna yield some unfavorable results. I was in a lot of pain that day and my inflammation level was at 60 (normal is 10-20), so it was pretty high. I am taking this new anti-inflammatory drug and hopefully that will make a difference. It seems to have brought the pain down to a bearable level so far. I just hope it continues to work and not sputter out like Celebrex and Bextra did. The big thing that has been plaguing me for years now is the lack of a decent night's sleep. The doctor says it is very important to get 6-8 hours of restful sleep per night. I don't think I have had that in a long time. Sure, I go to bed with the intentions of getting at least 6 hours of sleep, but I never stay asleep to get the full 6 hours. Could that be what is making me feel so icky? Very likely. Not only does a lack of sleep lead to fatigue, but it can also contribute to depression, which is something I have been battling lately. Maybe once I get the whole sleep thing fixed, it will fix the rest of me, too.

The thing that is worrying me now (as if I need MORE to worry about), is that this time the doctor said she heard a heart murmur, which is something she has never heard before. I hope that it was just her hearing or maybe that her stethescope was messed up or something. But why did she have to say that out loud? UGH! That is just not cool. Now I am gonna be all paranoid - lol. Damned doctors. UGHH! I have to go back on July 26th. I hope next time she says all is well and that her stethescope was just bad - lol.

Oh me and my weirdness. We make quite a pair - lol.

Phobia of The Day

Ablutophobia: fear of bathing or washing

Random Fact of The Day

An 'aglet' is the plastic or metal tip of a shoelace.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"According to a recent Associated Press story, guests at a Serbian wedding actually shot down a plane. The AP states that 'Shootings and fatalities are frequent at Serbian weddings because of the centuries-long tradition of blasting away with firearms in celebration.' Now, I have been to some exuberant wedding receptions, including one where a good friend of mine - whom, out of respect for his privacy, I will identify him here only as 'Joseph DiGiacinto, 235 Main Street, White Plains, NY 10601' - waded into a large fountain and attempted to overthrow, via hand-to-hand combat, a religious statue. But as an expression of joy at the union of a man and a woman, this pales in comparison with shooting down aircraft."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Shoulda left the dog at home.)

Suspect's dog bites him in police chase

CEDAR CITY, Utah - A police pursuit ended when the suspect's dog, not happy about being bounced around in the car, bit its owner on the face.

Iron County sheriff's officers approached Nicholas T. Galanis, 47, of Salt Lake City to talk to him about some stolen property.

Galanis got in his car and fled with his dog.

The chase went southbound on Gold Springs Road, a windy, bumpy dirt road about five miles northwest of Modena, at around 5:38 p.m. Monday, said sheriff's detective Jody Edwards.

"Deputies could see the dog in the passenger seat getting slammed into the window," he said.

The dog, which is partly pit bull, "became so agitated that he bit his owner in the face," Edwards said. "And this is what ended the chase."

The bite removed part of Galanis' nose and he stopped.

Galanis was taken to Valley View Medical Center before being booked into Iron County Jail.

His dog was taken to the Enoch Animal Shelter.

Galanis was held for investigation of supplying false information to police, receiving/possession of stolen property and theft.

___

Information from: The Spectrum, http://www.thespectrum.com

Before I forget....

I was watching the movie "The Day The Earth Stood Still" (great movie by the way), and recognized a phrase toward the end of the movie...."Klaatu barada nikto," which was said to the robot, Gort, to stop him from destroying the world. Yes, those were the words uttered by Ash in "Army of Darkness," which he forgets and says wrong (saying "necktie" instead of "nikto") and a whole sh*tload of bad stuff ensues. I thought it was funny, so I looked it up. Turns out, those words were used many times in other movies, too... check it out:

(from Wikipedia.com)


In the film Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi, three of Jabba the Hutt's skiff guards are named Klaatu, Barada, and Nikto, and Barada's species is Klatoonian.

In the play The Foreigner, by Larry Shue, Charlie speaks the phrase when talking about editing a sci-fi magazine.

1984: in the computer game Robot Odyssey this phrase appears upon solving one of the puzzles, that disables a sentry robot.

1986: In the movie Chopping Mall one of the teenagers uses this phrase when queried by the security robot for his id.

In an episode of The Adventures of the Galaxy Rangers (1986), "Klaatu Nikto Barada" is a greeting used by the freedom fighters of Wolcab.

1989: in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon series episode Invasion of the Turtle Snatchers, a family of three aliens encountered by Donatello and Rocksteady are named Klaatu, Barada and Nikto. Klaatu is the father, Barada is the mother and Nikto is the little boy. In this version, Klaatu, Barada and Nikto come from a planet orbiting the star Antares.

There's more, too. Go HERE to see.

Just something that I found interesting, that nobody else probably will - lol.

Caption This!

Gently down the stream, my ass!

post your own funny caption in a comment if you wanna.

Nasty, blood-sucking beeeyaches!

I have a problem. I think there is a mosquito in my apartment because I woke up this morning with 2 bites...one on my knuckle and another on my hip, and holy hell do they itch like a beeeeyach! I already had one near my neck, so now I have 3. Grrrr! My new goal is to find that skeeter and smash the hell out of it. Teach that bitch to drink my blood! HA!

Today it's only supposed to get to 82 degrees. It was sooooo nice last night that I left my windows open all night (maybe that's how the skeeter got in - wonder if there's holes in my window screen - hmmmmm). It is so nice outside right now, too, but I am cooped up indoors in this building where it gets so cold that I have to put on my jacket. Of course, by this weekend it is supposed to be right back up to the high 90's again. Makes me wanna go camping again - hehe.

Phobia of The Day

Batophobia: fear of heights or of being close to high buildings.

Random Fact of The Day

The average temperature at 40,000 feet above sea level is -60 F.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

Dream Vacation Itinerary

"Leave Iowa and aim your car toward the state of Washington. Your route will take you through the West, giving you a chance to point out its majestic natural wonders ('Look, kids! MORE dirt!'). Your destination is the town of Soap Lake, Washington, home of the World's Largest Lava Lamp project. We are not making this up. Some Soap Lake promoters plan to build a sixty-foot-high working lava lamp, for reasons that remain unclear to us no matter how many times we read the official website, www.GiantLavaLamp.com (if you go there, be sure to listen to the official Giant Lava Lamp song)."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(...this bed is just right.)

Wyoming woman finds strange man in bed

SHERIDAN, Wyo. - A woman woke up over the weekend to find a man she didn't know climbing into her bed, according to police.

Eva Olson, 40, said she felt her bed move and heard the man say he wanted to talk to her, according to police.

Olson didn't know William O'Dell, 48, of Sheridan, but O'Dell allegedly told police he knew Olson because she was a bartender. He allegedly said he'd stopped by her house to visit.

Olson asked O'Dell to leave, then showed him out the door without incident.

Police said they found O'Dell at his home, smelling heavily of alcohol. He was jailed and charged with criminal entry.

___

Information from: The Sheridan Press, http://www.thesheridanpress.com

Caption This!

Look. I said it before, and I am gonna say it again.
KEEP YOUR PAWS OFF OF MY NUTS!

post your own funny caption in a comment if you wanna.

Phobia of The Day

Vestiphobia: Fear of clothing

Random Fact of The Day

Nylon is made from coal and petroleum.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"There are no wedding magazines for grooms, of course. The groom's sole wedding responsibility is to arrive at the ceremony wearing pants and not actively throwing up. Everything else is up to the bride, who must make thousands of critical wedding decisions, such as: Should she invite all her relatives, or just the attractive ones? Where should the guests sit? Should they shoot firearms into the air? On that last question, my advice is: No. I base this on as Associated Press story concerning a wedding in Serbia, which, as you are no doubt aware, is a country located somewhere. The AP story, which I swear I am not making up, begins as follows: 'In an apparent first, wedding guests shooting off celebratory rounds in central Serbia brought down a small aircraft, local media reported Sunday."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(The things people will do for a little attention.)

Woman cited for exposing herself in store

CEDAR CITY, Utah - A 28-year-old woman has been cited for lewdness for exposing herself inside a store. The woman was riding a motorized cart inside Lin's Market Place on Thursday with her pants around her ankles and not wearing underwear.

Customers didn't notice the woman until she would stand up from the cart and bend over to look at items on the shelf, exposing her buttocks.

The woman told police she arrived in Cedar City with a circus but was left behind.

Blah blah blah...and more blah

It feels like this Friday took forever to get here. I think I say that every week though - lol. I always get here on Fridays feeling like a zombie, and today is no exception. I don't think there is enough caffeine in the world to wake my lazy butt up this morning. Yawn.

I usually try to start out my day with a blog entry, just to help wake me up and get me in the "work" mode. But this morning, I really have nothing interesting to say (not that I EVER have anything interesting to say in the first place, but I digress). Work is, well, work. It is hot in Bake-O. Gas prices are still high. Blah, blah, blah.

I did read that KISS will be releasing men's and women's colognes soon, which doesn't strike me as a very good idea, cuz when I think of KISS, I think sweat and big boots and lots of make up. And frankly, I don't wanna smell sweat or to find out what the inside of one of Gene Simmon's boots after a concert smells like. But that is just me.

Phobia of The Day

Ichthyophobia: fear of fish.

Random Fact of The Day

The lifespan of the common goldfish is over 20 years!

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"It's wedding season again. You can tell because the average bridal magazine currently weighs more than the average bride. Bridal magazines are massive because they carry enormous amounts of advertising designed to convince the bride-to-be that her wedding will be a hideous disaster if it costs less than a nuclear aircraft carrier. 'If your parents have any money left over for retirements, you have FAILED' - that is the message to brides from the U.S wedding industry."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Guess he ran out of towels.)

Speeding man was drying wet car

AMSTERDAM (Reuters) - Police confiscated the car and driver's license of a Dutchman caught speeding who said he only wanted to dry his car after he had washed it.

The 27-year-old was stopped in Amsterdam driving at 108 kph (68 mph), 50 kph over the speed limit, police said.

"Because he did not have his driver's license with him, his clean car was confiscated until he produces it," a police spokeswoman said.

I am getting sleeeeeepy

I am sooooooo sleepy. I am taking this new medication called Mobic, and what do you wanna bet that that is the reason that I am sooooooooo drowsy. I think I will take a nap at lunch - lol. The freakin' medicine cost me $30 since they have no generic, so it better work. I guess I shouldn't complain too much. Without insurance it would cost $243. I don't know why medicine is so expensive, but it sure as shit is.

Speaking of shit, I have been reading that Britney Spears and K-Fed (or as Perezhilton calls him, K-Fag) are breaking up, which we all hope is true since ever since she met that man, she has gotten skankier and white-trashier than ever. Why she ever hooked up with that dude, we'll never know (let's face it, K-Fed is about as attractive as Donald Trump's hair and about as smart as Jessica Simpson's left eyebrow). Hopefully, she'll ditch that man before he ends up spending all of her money and corrupting her kids. With the mouth on him, it is highly likely that the first word Sean Preston utters will be "f*ck."

Anyway, here is a picture of Brangelina and their new baby:

Ok, so it's not a real picture (I did some creative editing with Paint Shop - hehe), but I don't want those dumb wads at those magazines to sue my broke ass. So there. You will see the pictures soon enough at the supermarket checkout line, if you are THAT curious. Frankly, I am not, but I guess it beats staring at the floor while waiting in line at the supermarket.

Phobia of The Day

Musophobia: fear of mice

Random Fact of The Day

A rodent's teeth never stop growing.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

Dream Vacation Itinerary

"The World's Largest Ball of Paint in Alexandria, Indiana, grew over the years, until now it weighs more than 1,300 pounds, which makes you wonder what Michelangelo might have accomplished if only HE had a baseball. Recently, Alexandria honored Carmichael's achievement by holding Ball of Paint Day, and the town is hoping the ball will attract tourists. So to beat the crowds, be sure to get there early, and allow enough time for your family to truly experience the paint ball. Ten minutes is plenty."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(The evidence says, he is dead.)

Crime-scene students find dead man

MIAMI (Reuters) - A group of Florida criminology students working a fake crime scene stumbled across a real corpse on a field trip to study forensics.

The St. Thomas Aquinas High School students were taken to a Fort Lauderdale park on Monday to look for clues at a mock crime scene where the instructor had planted phony "evidence."

"The students went up to this one area ... and found a man with his back against the wall and he looked dead. They thought it was part of the skit," Fort Lauderdale Police detective Kathy Collins said.

There was no sign of foul play and the 45-year-old homeless man appeared to have died of natural causes, she said.

It may not have been a murder, but the discovery of the dead man may have persuaded one teen-ager that crime-scene investigation is not his life's work.

"I don't really think I could take finding any more dead bodies, especially if it was rotting," Juan Cantor, 15, told the South Florida Sun-Sentinel newspaper.

Calm down People!

It's Hump Day! Woo hoo. I love dem Hump Days, cuz it means only 2 more days of work til the weekend (in other words, sleeping in time - hehe).

I read that People and Hello magazines are supposedly going to court cuz some websites (one of my favs, Perezhilton, included) apparently posted a pic of Brangelina's new baby, saying THEY are the only ones authorized to have the pics. Good lord. With all the fuss over this kid, you would think that she is the second coming of Christ or something. Damn! It is just a baby! Calm down People! Sheesh!

If you wanna see the pic, you can click HERE to see it. Since I am not posting the picture myself, those a-holes at the magazines can't do anything to me, so bite me People! And bite me, too, Hello. I don't know what those mags are getting their pants in a tizzy for anyway since the pic is probably fake anyway. Don't get me wrong. I don't give a rat's ass about Brangelina anyhow, but it pisses me off about how these big corporations wanna buy the rights to everything, including people. And while I may glance at the cover of a magazine while I am waiting in line at Vons or something, I am not gonna buy it just so I can have some pic of Brad and Angelina and their "super kid." I don't think Brad is THAT good looking anyway. I would take Dr House over him ANY day.

I watched the new Simple Life episode the other night, and I was surprised at how funny it was. I like Nicole Richie MUCH better than Paris Skankton. She is so freakin' funny! I really expected the show to suck ass, but it didn't. Will I watch it on a regular basis? Probably not. But I had nothing else to do that night - lol.

Phobia of The Day

Cynophobia: fear of dogs or rabies

Random Fact of The Day

In India, people are legally allowed to marry a dog.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

Dream Vacation Itinerary

"Your destination is Alexandria, Indiana. You probably recognize the name: This is the town that made international news ten years ago when three workers pulled a hairball the size of a goat out of a sewer. The hairball became an instant nationwide celebrity, kind of like Joe Millionaire, only with more intellectual depth. The original hairball dissolved, but the people of Alexandria made a replica, which bears striking resemblance to Donald Trump, and which (I am not making this up) has been prominently featured in the annual Christmas parade."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Pissed off or pyromaniac? You decide.)

Who's never been tempted to do this?

BELGRADE (Reuters) - A Serb man set his car on fire when he heard how much he had to pay to reclaim it after it was towed away for illegal parking.

An attendant told the daily Press the man was very calm.

"He went to his car, took a few things then opened the hood and set the engine on fire. When it was well ablaze he got back on his bike and rode off."

Better late than never

I finally got around to blogging today. I have been busy working on the scrapbook I made of pictures from Alana's birthday party, which I am gonna give to Alicia as a present. Alana got a lot of presents, so I figured her mom should have one, too It came out really cute. I wanna make a scrapbook for me next, but I really have nothing to put in it - lol. Maybe I will make one someday. I do have lots of pictures from my various camping trips.

This work day is almost done, which is good, since I am tired and my hands are achey from all of the cutting I did today. I also had to make some baby booties for baby shower favors (made out of paper), and after cutting out 20 of them and putting them together, my hands have had enough! Yeowch!

It is hot outside, and I am SO not looking forward to getting out of this cool building and getting into my 120+ degree car. Ugh. Why do summers have to happen? Why? I hate getting all hot and sweaty. (well, if I am gonna end up all hot and sweaty, I want it to be because of something other than driving my car, if you catch my drift - haha).

Phobia of The Day

Politicophobia: fear or abnormal dislike of politicians.

Random Fact of The Day

There are 365 steps on the front of the U.S. Capitol Building - one for every day of the year.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

Dream Vacation Itinerary

"You're going to Alexandria, Indiana, to see the World's Largest Ball of Paint. That's right: Alexandria is one of those rare places blessed with TWO major attractions, like Paris, France, which has both the Eiffel Tower and the Coliseum; and Brentwood, Tennessee, which has Dolly Parton. Because it turns out that Alexandria is the home of a painting contractor named Michael Carmichael who, since 1977, has been applying coats of paint - sometimes ten coats a day - to a baseball. Why did he do this? For exactly the same reason that Michelangelo painted the Sistine Chapel: He had plenty of paint."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(I think someone needs to hire some security guards, don't ya think?)

Isn't it supposed to be harder than this?

ATHENS (Reuters) - A helicopter landed in the middle of the high security Athens Korydallos prison, picked up two prisoners and flew away in a Hollywood-style escape that has left Greek police stunned.

A criminal on the run hijacked the helicopter Sunday to get his brother out of prison, police said. Vassilis Paleokostas, 40, who was serving a 25-year sentence for kidnapping and bank robbery, and an Albanian convict escaped.

"The guards thought it was a surprise inspection by ministry officials and did nothing," a police official said.

The helicopter pilot, who said he was forced at gunpoint to undertake the mission, flew the inmates to a nearby cemetery and they made their escape on motorbikes. Greek police have launched a manhunt for the convicts.

MMM...brains!

You Are 45% Left Brained, 55% Right Brained

The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning. Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others. If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic. Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet. The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility. Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way. If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art. Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.

Are You Right or Left Brained?

Ahh Choo

Well I thought the spring allergies had bypassed me, but no such luck. This weekend, they came back on in full force. Sneezing, itchy throat, sinus headaches...the works. When it comes to having luck, I have none at all.

I don't think my little day trip up to Carrizo Plain and Mt Pinos yesterday helped in the matter either. It was kinda breezy out in Carrizo. All of the wildflowers are gone. Now it is all brown. I didn't see any snakes up there this time (although I did spot a rattlesnake in the road on the way up to Mt Pinos). I did see a few jackrabbits and a bunny rabbit that was lying in the shade taking a break from the sun (it was pretty warm up there). He didn't even move when I went near him. I think, since I saw him at the Visitor Center, he is used to people being around. Plus, it was probably so hot that he didn't have enough energy to move - lol. I also saw a roadrunner behind the Visitor Center, but he took off as soon as he saw me. The worst thing about Carrizo Plain right now is the locusts. It is like there is a plague of them up there! Yuck!

At Mt Pinos, it was a different story. It was nice and green and there were still some wildflowers up there (lupine and poppies). The weather was beautiful. It was warm but not hot, and there was a little bit of a breeze. I took a short walk down a trail, since it was getting late, and then went back down to my car and drove home. Of course, it was hotter than heck back in B-Town.

I didn't sleep much last night, since my asshole neighbor played his loud music last night at 3 am. I don't know what is up with that dude. He must never work. I just don't get why the hell he needs to have his music that loud in the first place. I was so pissed, but so tired at the same time, and I just didn't have it in me to fight about it last night. I just tried to go back to sleep, and debated about sleeping in the living room on the couch. I finally went to sleep, but was woken up again at 5 am to loud music again. GRRRRR! So now, I am sleepy and grumpy. My joints hurt and my head feels like it is stuffed with cotton or something. I am not a happy camper.

Caption This!

Moments after this picture was taken, Richard Simmons tackled the model behind him and ate her dress.


Post your own funny caption in a comment if you want to.

Phobia of The Day

Lygophobia: fear of darkness

Random Fact of The Day

Months that begin on a Sunday will always have a 'Friday the 13th'.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(There are stupid people, then there are STUPID people.)

Lioness in zoo kills man who invoked God

KIEV (Reuters) - A man shouting that God would keep him safe was mauled to death by a lioness in Kiev zoo after he crept into the animal's enclosure, a zoo official said on Monday.

"The man shouted 'God will save me, if he exists', lowered himself by a rope into the enclosure, took his shoes off and went up to the lions," the official said.

"A lioness went straight for him, knocked him down and severed his carotid artery."

The incident, Sunday evening when the zoo was packed with visitors, was the first of its kind at the attraction. Lions and tigers are kept in an "animal island" protected by thick concrete blocks.

LA High School Math Proficiency Exam

NAME____________________

GANG/CREW NAME______________ CRIB_________________


1. Ramone has an AK-47 with a 30 round clip. He usually misses 6 out of every 10 shots and he uses 13 rounds per drive-by shooting. How many drive-by shootings can Ramone attempt before he has to reload?


2. Otis has 2 ounces of cocaine. If he sells an 8-ball to Antonio for $320 and 2 grams to Juan for $85 per gram, what is the street value of the rest of his hold?


3. Rufus pimps 3 ho's. If the price is $85 per trick, how many tricks per day must each ho turn to support Rufus's $800 per day crack habit?


4. Dave wants to cut the pound of cocaine he bought for $40,000 to make 20% profit. How many ounce bags will he need to make to obtain the 20% profit?


5. Desmond gets $200 for a stolen BMW, $150 for stealing a Corvette, and $100 for a 4x4. If he steals 1 BMW, 2 Corvettes and 3 4x4's, how many more Corvettes must he steal to have $900?


6. Tom got 6 years for murder. He also got $10,000 for the hit. If his common-law wife spends $100 of his hit money per month, how much money will be left when he gets out?


7. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can be sprayed with 3 eight ounce cans of spray paint with 20% paint left over?


8. Tyrone knocked up 3 girls in the gang. There are 27 girls in his gang. What is the exact percentage of girls Tyrone knocked up?


9. LaSheena is a lookout for the gang. LaSheena also has a Boa Constrictor that eats 3 small rats per week at a cost of $5 per rat. If LaSheena makes $700 week as a lookout, how many weeks can she feed the Boa on one week's income?


10. Marvin steals Joe's skate board. As Marvin skates away at 15 mph, Joe loads his 357 Magnum. If it takes Joe 20 seconds to load his piece, how far away will Marvin be when he gets whacked?

Happy birthday, Alana

Alicia's little girl, Alana is a year old today.

(isn't she cute?!)
Posted by Picasa

I read that....

that Anna Nicole Smith is preggers, which is good news for Britney Spears. If anyone is gonna screw up worse than Brit, it's Anna Nicole. I can just read the headlines now..... "Anna Nicole feeds baby Trim Spa. Feels baby is too chubby."

Poor baby.

Phobia of The Day

Cibophobia: fear of food

Random Fact of The Day

Food can only be tasted if it is mixed with saliva.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 ft/sec, is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter. "

Stupid News Story of The Day

(You can look, but you can't film.)

Deputy fired for filming girls in bikinis

STUART, Fla. - A Martin County sheriff's review board found just cause in the firing of a former deputy who was relieved of duty for using his patrol car's dashboard-mounted camera to film bikini-clad girls at the beach.

Jack Munsey was fired Jan. 30 after an internal investigation found his behavior was not criminal but violated department policies. Munsey had sought reinstatement.

The panel took just four minutes Wednesday to determine his firing was justified.

The daylong hearing included testimony about two previous investigations involving Munsey, including one in 1997 when he used a department computer to view pornography on the Internet while on duty. He was suspended for a week. In 2004, he was suspended after he totaled a patrol car while speeding on his way to work.

Munsey's attorney Larry Fagan called the videotaping a brief lapse in judgment that should not warrant termination.

"This is something that will follow him forever," Fagan told the panel.

Munsey declined to comment after the hearing.

Sheriff Robert Crowder said Munsey likely will not lose his law enforcement certification that could get him a job elsewhere.

"He's not a bad guy, but I think his judgment perhaps was flawed and maybe he's learned from this, and maybe he'd be able to work somewhere where this wouldn't be held over his head," Crowder said.

I still wanna be a Ghost Hunter

Last night, the season finale of Ghost Hunters was on, and I was stoked because they were visiting the infamous Stanley Hotel, the setting of Stephen King's The Shining. Story is, Stephen King and his wife had stayed in the hotel and had had some paranormal encounters of their own there, inspiring Stephen King to write The Shining. The show was great. It was 90 minutes of paranormal bliss for me. It showed one of the TAPS dudes sleeping in his room and the closet door came open and something caused a glass on the nightstand next to him to inexplicably break. The video also showed the closet door closing and latching by itself. The guy, Jason, went over to the closet to inspect it, and there was nothing there. Nothing to explain how the glass broke or what made the closet door open and close by itself. Weirdness!!!

Also during the visit, the guys were sitting at a table in a room and all of a sudden, the table and one of the chairs just moved all by themselves. This scared one of the cameramen, who, up to that point, has been very skeptical of any paranormal stuff. The look on his face was priceless - lol. I so wanna go stay at the Stanley Hotel now!!! I want to see some closet doors open and some tables move! I know. I am nuts.

That show is just too cool. I wanna be a Ghost Hunter!

Caption This!

Sorry Ryan. I just don't think of you THAT way.


post your own funny caption in a comment if you wanna.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"This year our Dream Vacation itinerary will be limited to domestic destinations that you can travel to by car, assuming that you rob banks along the way, because gasoline prices this summer are expected to reach $3 per gallon ($67.50 in California). The US Transportation Department is advising motorists to conserve fuel by 'traveling mainly downhill."

Phobia of The Day

Dysmorphophobia: fear of deformity

Random Fact of The Day

The Elephant Man's name was actually Joseph Merrick, not John Merrick as he was called in the movie The Elephant Man.

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Now available in stores...Robbing for Dummies.)

Would-be robber asks bank how to do it

TOKYO (Reuters) - A would-be Japanese bank robber asked staff how he should carry out the crime before meekly obeying a request to leave and then accidentally stabbing himself in the leg with a knife he was carrying.

The 58-year-old unemployed man went into a branch of the Saitama Resona Bank in the town of Kumagaya, north of Tokyo, on Wednesday, intending to rob it, a police spokesman said.

According to local media reports the man first asked a bank teller, "Any idea how you rob a bank?" The teller alerted another member of staff, who asked the man to leave.

"He left quietly when asked to," the police spokesman said.

However, the staff member escorting the man out of the bank noticed the knife sticking out of his pocket and a bloodstain on his trousers.

Police arrested the man for illegal possession of a weapon.

"He didn't brandish the knife at anyone ... but he injured himself in the leg," the police spokesman said.

Women's Dictionary

Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n.
A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.

Airhead (er*hed) n.
What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.

Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n.
You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, he, "made the dinner."

Blonde jokes (blond joks) n.
Jokes that are short so men can understand them.

Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n.
An appliance designed to eat socks.

Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n.
A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.

Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n.
The last two minutes of a football game.

Exercise (ex*er*siz) v.
To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n.
What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.

Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n.
Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician."

Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n.
Similar to a black hole in space-if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.

Childbirth (child*brth) n.
You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say "focus... breath... push"

Lipstick (lip*stik) n.
On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear!

Park (park) v./n.
Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.

Patience (pa*shens) n.
The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers."

Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n.
Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.

Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n.
A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.

Cynical...me?

You Are 44% Cynical

Yes, you are cynical, but more than anything, you're a realist. You see what's screwed up in the world, but you also take time to remember what's right.

How Cynical Are You?

I am sooo mad, because...

a rock hit my windshield when I was on my way to work this morning, and when I went to lunch, I saw that I now have a long-ass crack in my windshield (no, not a long ass-crack........a long-ass crack - there is a difference). I am probably gonna have to get the whole damned whindshield replaced now - GRRRRRRR!

It's a very, very mad world.

I feel mucho better today than I did yesterday. I was just BLAH yesterday (with a capital "B"). My voice is still a tad hoarse, but overall, much better. Thank gosh. I didn't wanna have to go through the week feeling like that. Plus, I have a baby birthday party to go to this Saturday. Alicia's little girl, Alana, is turning 1 on June 6th. She is so cute. And so talkative...just like Alicia - lol.

Speaking of babies, I read that Mira Sorvino had another baby...a boy, which she named.....sit down.....JOHNNY. What the hell? Johnny??? What kind of name is that? Don't they know little Johnny will get teased and teased for having such a silly name? In a world of Apple's, Shiloh's, Suri's, Wolfgang's, and Moxie Crimefighter's, the name Johnny seems so .... gasp....NORMAL. Actually, I give big time kudos to Mira for naming her baby something that won't scar him for life. One can only hope that other stars will follow suit and go back to giving their kids nice, normal names. Well, one can wish, can't they?

Phobia of The Day

Bufonophobia: fear of toads

Random Fact of The Day

The turtle's upper shell is called a carapace, while the lower part of the shell is called a plastron. These 2 parts are joined together by bony structures called bridges. Because the inner layer of the shell is connected to the turtle's body, it cannot, as seen in cartoons, crawl out of its shell.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

Dream Vacation Itinerary

"You'll begin by driving to Indiana, a state located near Ohio or Wisconsin (ask at a gas station for specific directions). On the way, you can entertain the kids by pointing out the many fascinating attractions of the American Heartland. ('Look kids, another cow!)"

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Maybe he should try to prove his sanity next.)

Man severs penis to prove faithfulness

KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia - A man who apparently severed his penis in an attempt to convince his wife that he was faithful to her was recovering after surgery to reattach the organ at a northern Malaysian hospital, a news report said Tuesday.

The 41-year-old man, who was not identified, got into an argument last Friday with his wife, who found a text message on his mobile phone from another woman. The man was heard by his son shouting that he wanted to prove he was not having an affair, the New Straits Times reported.

The assertion was followed by loud screams and the man emerged from his room bleeding profusely, his 14-year-old son quoted as saying. His wife rushed him to hospital.

Ouch

It feels like a Monday today, but it is Tuesday. This week is gonna be nice and short cuz this Friday, we are off (flex day), which means this week is a 3-day work week. Hell yeah! I am so happy about that.

I am not happy about my sore throat though. I started getting a sore throat on Sunday and it has just gotten worse. I can't even talk without it hurting, so I have been trying to keep quiet and not talk (which is something people everywhere are probably glad to hear - hehe). Been sucking on Halls and ice cubes this morning. Ugh. I hate sore throats. Hate em!

My work computer has been s l o w this morning, which has been testing my patience, and I had very little patience to begin with. I had to restart it twice already. And my work phone is messed up too. The little red light which means I have a message is on and I have no messages. It is driving me nuts!!!!!!!

I can't wait for this day to be over.

Phobia of The Day

Electrophobia: fear of electricity

Random Fact of The Day

Alessandro Volta developed the Voltaic pile, a forerunner of the battery, which produced a steady electric current. The electrical term, "volt," was named after him.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"Recently I was in an electronics store, trying to buy a telephone that was just a telephone. I did not want the conference-call feature, the intercom feature, the programmable memory feature, the coffee-making feature, or the feature (this is a new one) that displays the current latitude and longitude of Representative Gary Condit. All I wanted was the feature that lets you talk to the person on the other end."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(I like cheese too, but man!)

25 people suffer bumps and bruises in British cheese chase

BROCKWORTH, England (AFP) - Twenty-five people were injured in an annual cheese-rolling competition, where daredevils chase giant cheeses down a steep slope in western England, organisers said.

Dozens took part in the bizarre event at Cooper's Hill in Brockworth, Gloucestershire, before a crowd of some 3,000 laughing and cheering spectators. They raced for 200 metres (656 feet) down the slope after the wheel-shaped Double Gloucester cheese, decorated in a blue and red ribbon.

Many slipped, somersaulted and tumbled their way to the bottom during five bone-crunching races over two hours. Of the 25 people hurt, 12 were spectators, one of whom was hit by one of the hard, dinner-plate-sized cheeses used in each race.

Only two people were taken to hospital for further assessment, however. The organisers said the number of injuries was comparatively low.

"We usually average around 30-40 people who need treatment," said Jim Jones, operations training manager for St John's Ambulance.

"The most serious injuries this year appear to be a dislocated finger and a possible fractured ankle," he told Britain's domestic Press Association.

The wet weather helped protect the racers, as they were able to slide down the slope rather than tumble head-over-heels, said organiser Richard Jefferies.

"It's been a very successful year," he added.

Among the winners of the five races was Chris Anderson, 18, who knocked himself out to claim the title. Afterwards, the dazed window fitter said: "I just ran, fell and hit my head. I feel sore but it was definitely worth it."

First prize in each race is a big circle of cheese.

People from as far afield as Australia, New Zealand, Norway, Sweden and the United States travel to the hill every year to take part in the cheese roll.

The unusual event has been celebrated for centuries and is thought to have its roots in a heathen festival to celebrate the return of spring.

Check out my new blog...

Check out my new blog......

http://www.freakyking.blogspot.com


The King rocks!