Phobia of The Day

Nucleomituphobia: fear of nuclear weapons

Random Fact of The Day

Until 1834, it was illegal for any soldier of the U.S. Army to carry the American flag into battle.

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Oops! My bad.)

Police: Teen seeking kiss rams wrong car

BAY CITY, Mich. - A lovers' quarrel and a case of mistaken identity has landed a teenager behind bars after police say he repeatedly rammed a teenage girl's car, thinking it was his girlfriend.

State police told The Saginaw News that the victim — a 17-year-old from Pinconning — called 911 early Sunday when the suspect smashed his car into the rear of hers.

The 17-year-old suspect struck her car about 15 times and pushed it through stop signs at intersections, the victim told police.

Dispatchers advised her to lead the suspect toward police units who were en route to intercept them, police said.

State police troopers and Bay County sheriff's deputies caught up with the suspect and pursued the Bay City teen at speeds of up to 90 miles per hour, police said.

The teen told police he thought the driver was his girlfriend, who left a party after the couple quarreled. He said he wanted to talk to her and get his goodnight kiss, so he went searching for her, police said.

He told police he was talking to his girlfriend on his cell phone, telling her to stop her car. She told him she was stopped and didn't know what he was talking about, officers said.

The teen likely will face charges including assault with a vehicle, fleeing police and drunk driving.

___

Information from: The Saginaw News, http://www.mlive.com

Sesame Street!

You Are Bert

Extremely serious and a little eccentric, people find you loveable - even if you don't love them! You are usually feeling: Logical - you rarely let your emotions rule you You are famous for: Being smart, a total neat freak, and maybe just a little evil How you life your life: With passion, even if your odd passions (like bottle caps and pigeons) are baffling to others

The Sesame Street Personality Quiz

Sometimes I wish I was invisible...oh yeah....I already am!

I hate it when a client comes in with an emergency just a few hours before we close. UGH! That has happened to me the last 3 working days...Wednesday, Thursday and today. Today was the worst though. I had a doctor appointment scheduled for 3 pm, which meant that I had to leave by 2:45 at the latest to get there by 3:00. Well, one of my clients comes in at 2:05 and tells me that she has an emergency and needs to get her case granted today so she can get her prescription. Well, this entails of course entering the pending information, running the case, making case comments, turning it in to the supervisor to approve.THEN you have to do an online transaction request and email it to another department and then wait for it to get inputted into that system so you can print her out a temporary medical card. Well, this was all entirely possible for me to accomplish by 2:45 - I am fast! - lol (except for the waiting part - that I left up to the supervisor to do - hehe). But - BUT - NOOOOOOOOO. It was after I had run the case that our computer system decides to up and quit on me - well, on everyone in the building, but it felt like it was targetting me personally! lol - So that left the case is sitting in limbo....but the time kept on ticking. Finally, the damned computer system comes back up and I was able to get the thing done. With no time to spare. I barely made it to my appointment on time. No pressure there.....NONE - HA! I swear my blood pressure must have been sky high by that point. I was so pissed at the computer today. I was really ready to kick it! But I didn't. Somehow I think the IT department would have frowned on that.

Well after that ordeal, I had another one to contend with. I really REALLY am absolutely convinced beyond the shadow of a doubt that I am either invisible or completely forgettable. Because when I got to the doctor's office, the receptionist told me I was not on the schedule. GRRRR. She then proceeded to tell me that if I indeed did have an appointment, they would have called to remind me, something they "always" do. (that statement is complete horse doo-doo because there have been several occasions where they hadn't called me....but I digress). Seems funny cuz if I hadn't showed up to my appointment, they would have surely billed me for a missed appointment. She then tells me that they hadn't gotten my referral (HMO's suck ass - GRRRR - but I digress again). So she tells me to have a seat and wait. Then she tells me that my referral , SURPRISE, is actually there and that she can "fit me in." I had a freakin' card with the appointment time and date on it, yet I wasn't on the schedule - INVISIBLE I tell you!!!! Invisible!!!!

So, after about an hour, I was finally seen. Being that my knee hasn't improved any, the doctor gave me a cortisone shot in my knee. It was surprisingly painless .... at first. The initial shot didn't hurt at all. But now.....oh lord. My knee is throbbing. Ouch. I am sitting here with a heating pad on it, debating if I should take an ultracet or not. Shots suck ass! But I hope it makes the damned thing feel better. It has been killing me for months now.

After the appointment, I went out to the reception desk to make my next appointment. The lady told me that she had overheard what happened to me this time and wanted to assure me that I was, in fact, in the computer.

I will believe it when I see it - lol.

I am so cynical.

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy."

Phobia of The Day

Hoplophobia: fear of firearms

Example: Jeff can't watch the news because of his hoplophobia.

Random Fact of The Day

The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

Stupid News Story of The Day

(What is it with Tigger these days?)

Father: Costumed 'Tigger' hit my son

ORLANDO, Fla. - A Walt Disney World employee dressed as the character "Tigger" was accused of hitting a child while posing for a photo, a spokeswoman for the theme park said Saturday.

Park officials temporarily suspended Michael J. Fedelem while they investigate the accusations, Disney spokeswoman Zoraya Suarez said.

"Naturally, physical altercations between cast members and guests are not tolerated," Suarez said.

Jerry Monaco of New Hampshire videotaped his son, Jerry Jr., posing with the costumed character at Disney-MGM Studios on Friday and recorded the confrontation, according to a statement from the Orange County Sheriff's Office.

The father said Fedelem intentionally hit his son "on or about the head," said sheriff's spokesman Carlos M. Padilla. "The tape only shows a fraction of what happened. Now it's up to us to find out what led up to that."

A message left by The Associated Press for Monaco was not immediately returned. A telephone listing for Fedelem could not be located.

In 2004 a Walt Disney World employee dressed as Tigger was accused of touching the breast of a 13-year-old girl while she posed with him for a photo. A jury found the man not guilty.

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"Haven't we gone far enough with colored ribbons for different causes? Every cause has its own color. Red for AIDS, blue for child abuse, pink for breast cancer, green for the rain forest. I've got a brown one. You know what it means? 'Eat shit, motherf*cker!"

Phobia of The Day

Peccatophobia: fear of sinning.

Example: Because of his peccatophobia, Larry spends 5 hours a day praying.

Random Fact of The Day

About 1 in 30 people in the U.S. are in jail, on probation, or on parole.

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Keep on keeping on.)

Caltech's suffering ends with victory By KEN PETERS, AP Sports Writer

PASADENA, Calif. - Nobody understands the laws of probability better than the cerebral players at Caltech. The Beavers finally won — their first NCAA basketball victory since 1996.

However, here's another hard number: They still have a string of conference defeats dating back almost 22 years.

Coach Roy Dow and his squad of brainy — as opposed to brawny — Beavers beat Bard College of New York 81-52 on Saturday night, ending a mathematically improbable run of 207 consecutive NCAA Division III losses.

"It was a combination of a sense of relief and happiness for the kids. They were euphoric," said Dow, in his fifth season as the coach.

Travis Haussler had 27 points and eight rebounds, and Matt Dellatorre added 24 points and eight rebounds in the romp over Bard.

"We expected to win a game, but not like this," Dow said, a bit astounded at the surprisingly easy victory.

The win also was Caltech's first in 60 games overall, including non-NCAA foes.

With a 1-207 record in their last 208 NCAA contests, the Beavers next hope to end an even longer losing streak, 245 consecutive defeats in Southern California Intercollegiate Athletic Conference play going back almost 22 years. They haven't begun league play yet this season.

"We still have to get that other streak," Dow said. "It will be difficult. We lost a lot of players from last year's team."

The California Institute of Technology, which has a student body of some 850, is renowned for its programs in science and math, and for being lovable losers in its athletic programs.

Albert Einstein lectured at Caltech, Linus Pauling was a professor and 31 Nobel Prize winners either have taught or studied on the small campus in suburban Los Angeles. The school has extremely high admission standards and puts arduous academic demands on the students.

So while the school attracts some of the nation's best and brightest, it doesn't necessarily draw the athletically gifted. Like all Division III schools, Caltech doesn't give athletic scholarships, and many of Dow's players didn't so much as play varsity basketball in high school.

Among the handful of fans at the game Saturday night were the school's new president, Jean-Lou Chameau and his wife, Carol Carmichael, who had arrived from Singapore just a couple of hours before tipoff.

"They were the first ones who came across the floor and extended congratulations," Dow said with obvious pride.

you, sir, are a LOSER

Alicia IM'd me last night saying that she was the biggest loser in the world. Well, I beg to differ, my friend. I believe that I, Kimberly L Perkins, am, in fact, the biggest loser, not only in this world, but in any other world that may or may not exist in the universe. And just to prove this, here is a small list of things I have done to prove that.

1) I have burned Jell-O.

2) I stay home almost every Friday night. Saturdays too.

3) I have walked into a wall.

4) I have tripped over my own feet.

5) I have fallen down my stairs.

6) I stayed at home all day yesterday...in my pj's.

7) I actually LIKE going to work (well, most of the time)

8) I stayed in bed today til 11 am.

9) I have been "forgotten" on several occasions (for example - and Alicia will remember this one - I was waiting at the service desk at Marshalls for Alicia to pick me up to take the deposit to the bank, and she drove out the parking lot and onto Ming Ave ... without me! It took her several minutes to realize that I wasn't in the car with her - LOL!!) - My brother also left me in the parking lot in Las Vegas, thinking I was in the car - seems I am invisible!

10) I am actually arguing that I am the biggest loser in the world.

#10 alone should prove my point.

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"I can identify my periods of heavy cocaine use by the years in which I have no idea who was in the World Series or the Super Bowl. Bliss."

Phobia of The Day

Octophobia: fear of the number 8.

Example: If it wasn't for his octophobia, Jake would have passed his math class.

Random Fact of The Day

The practice of identifying baseball players by number was started by the Yankees in 1929.

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Yes, I'd like to place an order for 30 cartons of catnip.)

Bank issues credit card to cat

SYDNEY, Jan 4 (Reuters Life!) - An Australian bank has apologized for issuing a credit card to a cat after its owner decided to test the bank's identity security system.

The Bank of Queensland issued a credit card to Messiah the cat when his owner Katherine Campbell applied for a secondary card on her account under its name.

"I just couldn't believe it. People need to be aware of this and banks need to have better security," Campbell told local media on Thursday.

The bank said the cat's card had been canceled. "We apologize as this should not have happened," it said in a statement.

Wrong on so many levels

Now, my friend Alicia was shopping at Old Navy, and was on the phone with me, and she came across this shirt they had there for little kids that was just wrong on sooooooo many levels. Well I found it on their web site...here it is....



Now, keep in mind that this shirt comes in sizes from 6 months to 5T. I certainly would HOPE that a little baby would be single!!! Never, ever let your child wear this shirt. Especially around Michael Jackson!

Well, that wasn't the only icky shirt they had there. Here is another example of just plain wrongness...



Hot to trot? At 12 months old? EWWWWW! You might as well get them a shirt like this...





or this one...



(no, these are not for sale on Old Navy. They are created by me on Photoshop. But I wouldn't be surprised if they actually had them there!)

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"If you don't think men are stupid, check the newspaper. Ninety-nine percent of all the truly horrifying shit going on in this world was initiated, established, perpetuated, enabled, or continued by men. And that includes the wave and the high five, two of history's truly low points."

Phobia of The Day

Gallophobia: fear of the French or of French culture

Example: Eating french fries is difficult for Jack, because he has gallophobia.

Random Fact of The Day

Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a belly button.

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Thank you. Drive thru!)

Drowsy big rig driver plows through KFC

WASCO, Calif. - A drowsy big rig driver may have taken a KFC "drive thru" sign too literally. The truck barreled through the fast-food restaurant around 4:30 a.m. Wednesday, after the driver fell asleep at the wheel, authorities said. The restaurant was closed at the time, and no one was seriously injured.

The produce-carrying big rig was going east on Highway 46, when it veered off the road, jumped the curb, knocked over a metal pole, plowed through the KFC, missed a house by several feet, demolished a shed and crashed through a brick wall before coming to a stop in the backyard of another house.

"We feel very, very fortunate that no one was hurt," said Bill Frederick, who rushed home to console his wife and assess the damage to his backyard after the crash. "If it wasn't for the reinforcement and the rebar and the neighbor's chain link fence, it would have been in the house with us."

Gonzalo Varela, the manager of the KFC, said the business would try to transfer the restaurant's 11 employees to other area KFCs, while the Wasco location was rebuilt.

The cause of the crash remained under investigation, and no arrests were made.

___

Information from: The Bakersfield Californian, http://www.bakersfield.com

This is just sad...

When K-Fed and Britney Spears split up, everyone thought that it was K-Fed who was the jerk amd Britney was just the not-so-innocent "victim" of his evil clutches.. Well, well, well. Looks like the tables have turned. There has to be something wrong with the world when it's K-Fed that comes out looking like the better half.



While K-Fed seems to have cleaned up his act, Britney, well.....the picture speaks for itself. So many shades of wrong.

Looks like K-Fed might get to keep his kids after all.

pictures from perezhilton.com

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"I don't let people drive at my speed. If I see some guy in the next lane keepin' pace with me, I slow down. I let that asshole get a little bit ahead, so I can keep an eye on him. I like to know who I'm drivin' near. In fact, quite often at a red light, I'll ask for personal references. You can never be too careful."

Phobia of The Day

Decidophobia: fear of making decisions

Example: Because of his decidophobia, it takes George nearly an hour to order his dinner.

Random Fact of The Day

There are 92 known cases of nuclear bombs lost at sea.

Stupid News Story of The Day

(He loves me...he loves me not.)

Man proposes, then allegedly KOs fiancee

YORK, Pa. - A man who proposed to his girlfriend at a New Year's party allegedly knocked her out with a steering wheel lock just hours after she said yes, police said.

Stephen Mujerm, 40, of Lanham, Md., and new fiancee Victorine Taboh began arguing about 6 a.m. Monday as they drove home from the party in northern York County.

Taboh, of Laurel, Md., and another passenger were complaining that Mujerm was driving recklessly, police said. He then stopped the vehicle beside Interstate 83 in Springfield Township, where he and Taboh got out and began to argue.

As the confrontation escalated, Taboh began breaking the windows of Mujerm's car with a steering wheel lock, police said. Mujerm then punched Taboh and hit her in the head with the lock, knocking her unconscious, said police.

Emergency medical workers took Taboh to a hospital, where she was treated and released, police said.

State police charged Mujerm with aggravated assault, simple assault, reckless endangering and driving while under the influence of alcohol.

A phone number for him could not be located.

___

Information from: The York Dispatch, http://www.yorkdispatch.com

Fun With Photoshop

Yes, I have way too much time on my hands.

Phobia of The Day

Cypridophobia: fear of prostitutes

Example: If you have cypridophobia, then you might not want to drive down Union Ave.

Random Fact of The Day

All clams start out as males; some decide to become females at some point in their lives.

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"Here's all you need to know about mean and women: Women are crazy, and men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(When there's a will, there's a way.)

Oiled prisoner slips out of Norway jail

OSLO, Norway - A Lithuanian held on suspicion of theft in an Arctic Norway jail slipped out of custody — literally — by stripping naked, smearing himself with vegetable oil and sliding through the prison bars, police said Wednesday.

"He slipped through the bars on Christmas Eve," said Svein-Erik Jacobsen, operation leader for the Oest-Finnmark Police District. The unusual escape made national news in Norway on Wednesday.

Another Lithuanian, held as an accomplice in the same cell, also used the technique to try to slip out of a window of the Vadsoe Jail, but failed, apparently because he was too big. The men had managed to bend the bars slightly to gain more space.

"It was a good effort," Jacobsen said. "But all he did was get his head and part of his shoulder through the bars."

A police news release identified the escaped suspect as Yuris Sinkevicius, 25, and said he was 5 feet, 8 inches tall and thin. He remained at large. The statement did not name the second suspect.

Both were arrested in Sweden in late October on suspicion of being involved in an organized grand theft ring that had hit targets in northern Norway and Sweden. They were turned over to Norway, and were being held pending an investigation and possible indictment.

Holiday Lights

Here are some pictures I took at the holiday light exhibit at the California Living Museum (CALM) in Bakersfield in 2006.

At least I don't have to hitchhike

Well, my car is in the shop. When I took it to get an oil change and to get thr tires rotated on Friday, the mechanic told me that I would have to take my car in to get the brakes worked on. Seems there are heat cracks in the front rotor and back brake shoe (whatever the hell those things are), and blah blah blah. So I dropped my car off at my folks' house this morning so they could take it in for me. Well, despite having an appointment at 9 am this morning, when I called my mom at 3:30, she told me they hadn't even gotten around to looking at it yet. Grrrrrr. Like my mom said, what the hell good does it do to have an appointment? Anyway, when she picked me up from work this afternoon, she told me they had finally gotten around to looking at it, but it wouldn't be ready til tomorrow to pick it up. So, here's to hoping it will be ready tomorrow. I hate being without a car. But at least I have cool parents who will pick me up and take me to work in the morning when it is friggin' cold outside, and then drive back in the afternoon and pick me up and take me home. It is nice to have cool folks like that Even nicer that they are picking up the bill for the brake job. I don't know what I did to deserve such cool folks, but I sure am glad that I have them!!!!

Am I spoiled? Probably - lol. But I am grateful!

Phobia of The Day

Clinophobia: fear of going to bed.

Example: Frank stays awake all night because he has clinophobia.

Random fact of The Day

The odds of being killed by falling out of bed are one in two million.

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"The only difference between lilies and turds is whatever difference humans have agreed upon, and I don't always agree."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(How much beer can I get for a Great Dane?)

Thirsty man sells beagle to buy beer

BERLIN (Reuters) - A thirsty German sold his 6-year-old step-daughter's pet beagle to the owner of a bar to pay for beer, the Bild newspaper reported Friday.

The unemployed man offered to take the dog for a walk and then stopped at a bar where he convinced the owner to buy the 3-year-old dog for 40 euros ($53).

The man spent the proceeds quenching his thirst for beer. The bar owner has now returned the dog to its owner.

Phobia of The Day

Logizomechanophobia: fear of computers

Random Fact of The Day

The first domain name ever registered was Symbolics.com.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"You men out there probably think you already know how to dress for success. You know, for example, that you should not wear leisure suits or white plastic belts and shoes, unless you are going to a costume party disguised as a pig farmer vacationing at Disney World."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Uhhh...I know I was bad, but can you help me out here?)

Carjacker crashes, gets lost, calls cops

BOCA RATON, Fla. - A carjacker called 911 and turned himself in to police after he crashed a stolen SUV twice and got lost during his escape from the crime scene. Claude King, 31, called police from a Palm Springs pay phone and confessed to stealing the GMC Envoy Tuesday night, The Palm Beach Post reported.

"Um, I committed a crime," he told the police dispatcher. "I stole a vehicle."

He asked for officers to respond to his location, but when the dispatcher asked where the vehicle was, King didn't have an answer.

"I couldn't even tell you," he said. "I don't even know where I'm at."

Boca Raton police found King waiting on a curb. He being was held without bail in the Palm Beach County Jail.

2006 - a recap

It's nearly 2007. Hard to believe this year is almost over. Where did the time go? I wish I knew. This year has brought me and my family many woes.... both my grandma and my aunt Marge passing away this year, and now I find out that my cousin Justin recently committed suicide. I just found out yesterday from my folks, and it happened back in November. It is just crazy, I tell you. The world is a strange and ever-changing place. People come in and out of your lives every day. Some stay for a while, and others disappear just as fast as they came. But the ones who really mean something to you leave an everlasting mark on your soul that brings comfort to you even when things are bad. They are the people who bring light into your dark days and happiness to you when you feel like crying and bring hope to you when you just want to give up. I thank God for those people. I really do. I don't know who I would be without them. I just know that my life is all the better for having met them. And forever glad that they stuck by me even when I was at my worst. (and I can be a beeeeyach sometimes - I have a brother who will vouch for that - lol).

This year also brought new changes to me. I was diagnosed with lupus and fibromyalgia - the doctors finally gave me a confirmed diagnosis. After all these years living with pain and fatigue, I finally found out that there really IS something wrong with me and that I am not just crazy (although, there are people out there who probably think otherwise - hehe). As bad as lupus sounds, it is almost a comfort to know finally what has been plaguing me all this time. And I know that as long as I keep taking my meds and be good to myself that everything will be just fine. I have been living with pain for so long, I have almost forgot what it feels like to be well - lol. And they always say, "no pain, no gain!"

As much sadness as this year has brought me, it still had its moments of brightness. I got to see someone very near and dear to me who I hadn't seen in a long, long time. And even though I only got to see him for a few hourse, those few hours were very, very special to me. I got back in touch with some of my high school and grade school friends (John, Robin, Brenda, Lizzy, Jane, Alvis) all thru this thing called Myspace - hehe. I got to go camping and sightseeing in some wonderful places like Yosemite, Mt Whitney, Sequoia National Park, Big Sur, Death Valley National Park, Red Rock Canyon and Valley of Fire State Park, just to mention a few. Oh and an awesome road trip this summer where I got to visit Carlsbad Caverns, a place I had wanted to go to ever since I was just a kid and saw pictures of it in a book. It was simply amazing! I want to go again - lol.

Yes, a lot has happened this year, both good and bad. Christmas was hard on me because it was the first one without my grandma. Things just seemed so wrong without her. I really didn't feel much like celebrating, but I know she would have wanted us to be happy this Christmas. I am just glad we were all able to spend last Christmas with her. It was a good Christmas last year. But if only I had known it would be her last. There were many times where I just broke down into tears thinking about that last Christmas and wishing I would have spent more time with her. But I am grateful for the times I had with her, and feel blessed to have had such a great lady like her in my life. Of all the people in the world, she was in MY life. It's really amazing when you think about it. Had my folks not adpoted me, I would have never known her. I am a pretty lucky girl

I don't think of New Year's as a time to commit to resolutions to lose weight or to get a new job or to be a better person or any of that mumbo jumbo. I think of it as more of a time of reflection and to count my blessings and be happy for the things I have and not worry about the things I don't have. I have my family and my friends and I am still alive. I have a roof over my head and food to eat. And that is a whole lot more than a lot of people have. And I feel pretty darned lucky for that.

Yep. Pretty darned lucky.

Phobia of The Day

Phobatrivaphobia: fear of trivia about phobias.

Random Fact of The Day

Jimmy Hoffa's middle name is, appropriately, Riddle.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"Most married couples, even though they love each other very much in theory, tend to view each other in practice as large teeming flaw colonies, the result being that they get on each other's nerves and regularly erupt into vicious emotional shouting matches over such issues as toaster settings."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Faking a cough wouldn't have been easier??)

German woman fakes kidnapping to avoid work

BERLIN (Reuters) - A 21-year-old German woman who did not feel like going to work at a fast food restaurant sent her parents a text message saying she had been kidnapped.

Police in the Bavarian town of Straubing said on Wednesday they had launched a massive search throughout the region for the woman who disappeared on December 23 but turned up unscathed the following morning, saying the kidnapper had set her free.

A spokesman said the woman was questioned over the Christmas holiday and admitted she made up the story because she owed a colleague 25 euros (17 pounds) and did not have the money to pay her debt. She now faces a fine of up to 1,000 euros.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Merry Christmas!!!

While we didn't have a white Christmas in B-Town, we did have a bright Christmas. It was a nice day. Sunny and almost warm. I think the high was around 65 or so. Not that I went outside today. I had such a bad headache today and joint pain. Figures! I didn't get the flu or anything this Christmas, but I still paid the piper in other ways. The Christmas curse continues!

So I lounged around in my pj's all day, and opened my presents this afternoon. I spent Christmas Eve at my folks' house, eating, talking and watching "A Christmas Story." I love that movie. It is absofreakinlutely hilarious! It was a nice, quiet Christmas, but it just wasn't the same without my grandma there. It never will be the same again. I guess we will have to start new Christmas traditions. One thing that is sure to NOT become a Christmas tradition is having pork roast for Christmas Eve dinner. It wasn't totally terrible (I did put bbq sauce on mine), but the my folks and my bro didn't like it one bit. It just was kinda tasteless. But the dessert was good! My mom bought caramel apple pie, cheescake and Smith's cookies. Yummm yummm yummm. Despite the lackluster dinner, Christmas Eve was pretty darned nice.

My bro gave me an iPod for Christmas, so I was up all night last night transfering songs to it. I think I went to bed around 4:30 am, which is probably the time my folks and bro woke up this morning (poor Mark had to work on Christmas). My iPod is well-stocked now - hehe. It was a pretty darned cool gift. I had been coveting my bro's iPod for quite some time, so he bought me my very own. It was supa cool of him, and very unexpected. I take back all the bad things I ever said about him. Thanks bro. You rock! Literally!

Thanks to Veronica, my feet are very happy. She got me these cool massaging slippers for my feet. They will be very, VERY useful after a long day at work, shopping or hiking. Thanks chica!I will bring em on all of my camping trips. Thanks for the Michaels gift card, too. I could spend hours in that store! Gotta love Michaels Thank you berry, berry much.

Thanks to Alicia, I will be smelling very good. I love, LOVE Victoria's Secret Love Spell scent. And she got me the body spray, shower gel and lotion. I am gonna smell soooooooooooo good - lol. And she got me a movie I had been wanting to see for a long time....Little Miss Sunshine. I am gonna watch it in a little bit. Thanks girlie. Thank you so much!! Luv ya!! Give my best to your family and Christmas hugs and kisses to Alana, too!

Thanks to Arlene, I now have a really cute candle to burn, and a handy dandy letter opener (which I always need) , and a very cute froggy. Thanks Arlene!! You are too nice.

And thanks to Cyndi, not only will I smell good after I put on that caramel creme brulee lotion she got me, but so will my apartment when I burn that yummy smelling candle she got me. That thing smells good enough to eat! And I will also be enjoying a nice cup of peppermint hot cocoa (how did you know I love peppermint hot cocoa??? you must have read my mind). Thank you soooooooo much, Cyndi. And I loved the card and how Zach and Gabe signed their names too. Too cute!!!!! Much love to you and your family. And tell your mom Merry Christmas from me, too. Luv ya bunches and bunches!!!

But the best present of all, is having wonderful friends and family to share the holidays with. So thanks, everyone. And I mean everyone. You are truly the best presents anyone could ask for.



...and I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight, merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

Merry Christmas

...and a happy New Year!

Phobia of The Day

Pteronophobia: fear of being tickled by feathers

Random Fact of The Day

Almost all varieties of breakfast cereals are made of grass.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"You can always tell the Christmas season is here when you start getting incredibly dense, tinfoil-and-ribbon- wrapped lumps in the mail. Fruitcakes make ideal gifts because the Postal Service has been unable to find a way to damage them. They last forever, largely because nobody ever eats them. In fact, many smart people save the fruitcake sthey receive and send them back to the original givers the next year; some fruitcakes have been passed back and forth for hundreds of years. The easiest way to make a fruitcake is to buy a darkish cake, then pound some old, hard fruit into it with a mallet. Be sure to wear safety glasses."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Some people just don't care if they end up on the 'naughty' list.)

"For Christ's sake, it's Christmas" stops taxi thief

BERLIN (Reuters) - A German taxi driver who shouted "Oh, for Christ's sake, it's Christmas Eve!" when a robber put a gun to his head scared the thief away.

The teenager opened the parked taxi's door in the western town of Bielefeld and demanded money on Sunday evening, police spokesman Michael Mehler said.

The driver refused and jumped out, shouting for help. The two scuffled briefly before the thief fled.

"The taxi driver's resistance and reference to Christmas evidently unsettled the bandit," Mehler said on Monday. An 18-year-old and his 16-year-old accomplice were later arrested.

Phobia of The Day

Phronemophobia: fear of thinking

Random Fact of The Day

One quarter of the human brain is used to control the eyes.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"We're deep into the holiday gift-giving season, as you can tell from the fact that everywhere you look, you see jolly old St. Nick urging you to purchase things, to the point where you want to slug him right in his bowl full of jelly."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(I know who's getting coal in his stocking this year.)

Christmas brings strange seasonal crimes

NEW YORK - There's nobody nice on this Christmas list: snowman stabbers, Grinch snatchers, wreath-robbing weasels. 'Tis the season for strange crimes by even stranger people, with police blotters expanding faster than a 6-year-old's wish list of gifts.

David Allen Rodgers, 42, was arrested Dec. 3 for driving while intoxicated — at the wheel of a float during the annual Christmas parade in Anderson, S.C. According to witnesses, Rodgers sped down Main Street in the Steppin' Out Dance Studio float with 19 people aboard, ran a red light and led police on a 3-mile chase.

Police said that when Rodgers finally stopped, they found an open container of alcohol in his truck. "I made a very bad judgment on my part," Rodgers said at a court hearing.

In Chicago, 32 plastic baby Jesus dolls were stolen from nativity scenes set up in people's front yards. The kidnappers then lined up all the dolls along the fence outside a Chicago woman's home; she rounded them up and turned them over to her parish priest.

Similar creche crimes occurred in 35 cities from Fayateville, N.C., to Mission Viejo, Calif., according to The Catholic League, which tracks nativity vandalism.

In Houghton, Mich., somebody stole an inflatable Grinch from outside an apartment complex. That was just one instance in the area's rash of seasonal thievery: Two brown plastic reindeer, a baby Jesus statue and several wreaths were also stolen.

In Ohio's Hamilton County, a pair of 18-year-olds were arrested for using screwdrivers to stab an inflatable 12-foot-tall Frosty the Snowman. "Why me?" asked Frosty's owner, Matt Williquette. "And why Frosty?"

The snowman had survived two previous stabbing attacks.

Two other local teens were arrested in an unrelated incident where they allegedly smashed a car with a large decorative candy cane, causing $1,000 worth of damage.

An Oklahoma woman was arrested after she visited the Delaware County Jail with a Christmas card for her incarcerated boyfriend. Police said the card held marijuana, leading to Dawn Smith's arrest.

A real-life Grinch in Yonkers, N.Y., made off with $14,000 in staff bonuses and money from the office safe during a Christmas party, police said. Daniel Rios, 38, spent $7,500 in cash but returned about $6,500 in checks, authorities said.

And then there's the case of the Santa Claus kidnapping.

A motorcycle-riding Santa Claus with a stuffed Rudolph in his sidecar was arrested after allegedly grabbing an 8-year-old girl from outside a South Carolina convenience store. John Michael Barton, 55, was in his Claus outfit filling his bike with gas when the girl's family stopped by the store.

The girl's father then saw Barton speeding off with her. After a chase at speeds of up to 80 mph, Barton pulled over his motorcycle and turned over the girl, police said.

Barton was arrested later, hiding inside a bar.

Oh Christmas Tree...

Click Here to get this from pYzam.com!

yummm

You Are a Trifle

No doubt, you have many intricate layers. But deep down, you're a little squishy.

What Holiday Food Are You?

Phobia of The Day

Cibophobia: fear of food

Random Fact of The Day

In Holland, you can be fined for not using a shopping basket at a grocery store.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"Why not have an old-fashioned Christmas for your family this year? Just picture the scene in your living room on Christmas morning as your children open their old-fashioned presents.

Your 11-year-old son: "What the heck is this?"

You: "A spinning top! You spin it around, and then eventually it falls down. What fun! Ha, ha!"

Son: "Is this a joke? Jason Thompson's parents got him a computer with two disk drives and 128 kilobytes of random-access memory, and I get this cretin TOP?"

Your 8-year-old daughter: "You think that's bad? Look at this."

You: "It's figgy pudding! What a treat!"

Daughter: "It looks like goat barf."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Burn, baby, burn)

Man sets self aflame in Calif. protest

BAKERSFIELD, Calif. - A man used flammable liquid to light himself on fire, apparently to protest a San Joaquin Valley school district's decision to change the names of winter and spring breaks to Christmas and Easter vacation.

The man, who was not immediately identified, on Friday also set fire to a Christmas tree, an American flag and a revolutionary flag replica, said Fire Captain Garth Milam.

Seeing the flames, Sheriff's Deputy Lance Ferguson grabbed a fire extinguisher and ran to the man.

Flames were devouring a Christmas tree next to the Liberty Bell, where public events and demonstrations are common.

Beside the tree the man stood with an American flag draped around his shoulders and a red gas can over his head.

Seeing the deputy, the man poured the liquid over his head. He quickly burst into flames when the fumes from the gas met the flames from the tree.

The deputy ordered the man to drop to the ground as he and a parole agent sprayed him with fire extinguishers.

"The man stood there like this," the deputy said with his arms across his chest and his head bent down, "Saying no, no, no."

The man suffered first degree burns on his shoulders and arms, Milam said.

Kern County Sheriff's Deputy John Leyendecker said the man had a sign that read: "(expletive) the religious establishment and KHSD."

On Thursday, the Kern High School Board of Trustees voted to use the names Christmas and Easter instead of winter and spring breaks.

**** yes, this happened in my home town. What a surprise. hehe

Phobia of The Day

Tapinophobia: fear of being contagious

Random Fact of The Day

It was illegal to sell E.T. dolls in France because there is a law against selling dolls without human faces.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"We never look outside (in Miami) on Christmas morning to discover that the landscape has been magically transformed by a blanket of white, unless a cocaine plane has crashed on our lawn. (The Miami Herald - Dec. 07, 2003) "

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Roadkill anyone?)

Kentucky fears loss of traditional critter dish By James B. Kelleher

OWENSBORO, Kentucky, Dec 22 (Reuters Life!) - Kentucky, the untamed western frontier when the American colonies declared independence in 1776, is struggling to keep a taste of its past alive -- a stew traditionally made from roadkill and veggies.

Kentucky revels in its wild west past with the name of legendary frontiersman, Daniel Boone, attached to motels, medical clinics, a national forest and even a state highway.

So it is of mounting concern in one corner of Kentucky, just south of the Indiana border, to see waning interest in a traditional dish known as burgoo that Boone himself almost certainly ate.

Burgoo is a stew-like soup of meat and vegetables that the settlers who poured through the Cumberland Gap survived on as they tamed this region. It featured whatever meat -- squirrel, rabbit or possum -- the backwoodsmen bagged on any given day.

But Owensboro in the western part of the state is now one of the few places where burgoo is still served in restaurants, at church picnics and barbecue cook-offs, albeit in a slightly updated form.

In many ways, burgoo is similar to Brunswick stew, another one-pot, slow-cooked dish popular in the south.

But unlike Brunswick stew, which has been embraced by epicures, burgoo is just a generation removed from its roots as a roadkill-and-veggie ragout. Indeed, in the late 1990s, during the scare over mad cow disease, health officials warned Kentuckians to stop eating squirrel brains, which, like squirrel meat, remains a something of a delicacy here.

"It's basically a poor man's food," says Pat Bosley, whose family runs the Moonlite Bar-B-Q Inn in Owensboro, which bottles burgoo and sells it by mail order.

"There's a whole lot of wild game in burgoo's history."

POPULARITY WANING

In the run-up to the Kentucky Derby, burgoo -- now usually made with chicken and pork -- is as ubiquitous as mint juleps.

But during the rest of the year, it's hard to find -- except in Owensboro.

Settled by Welsh sheep herders, the city of about 54,000 on the Ohio River is the burgoo capital of Kentucky, which means the burgoo capital of the world, and the stuff is a year-round fixture on the menus of places like the Moonlite, Old Hickory Pit Bar-B-Q and George's Bar-B-Q.

As a result, lovers of the folk food make the trek to Owensboro to satisfy their craving.

"It's a big deal in this community and a big source of tourism dollars," says Jody Wassmer, the president of the Greater Owensboro Chamber of Commerce, who grew up in southern Indiana, where a burgoo-like stew with turtle meat is popular.

"You can go to the Moonlite Bar-B-Q on a Saturday afternoon and count the out-of-state licence plates."

The cooks in Owensboro, however, honour the city's Welsh founders, and burgoo's gamey roots, by making their version of the stew with barbecued mutton.

"It gives it a -- I don't want to say gamey flavour, because that's got a negative connotation -- but a robust flavour," says Bosley.

A burgoo-making contest is also one of the highlights of Owensboro's annual International Bar-B-Q Festival where there as many recipes as chefs.

But Bosley says as time passes, the taste for burgoo even here in Owensboro is waning as chain restaurants push the traditional mom-and-pop restaurants out of business.

"We sell less and less of it every year," said Bosley. "It's a folk food so the old timers still want it. But fewer and fewer young people are eating it. The tradition's being lost... (and) it dilutes the food heritage of this country. It's sad."

Almost Christmas!

It's almost Christmas, and being in a very giving mood, I am gonna share some of my Christmas art with you. Click HERE to visit my eSnips folder. There are some cute Christmas graphics , created by me (hehe), which you can download. Merry Christmas!!!!!!!

Caption This!

Tragedy struck the Manhattan Ballet Corp earlier today when, due to a mix up in the choreography, Jacques Van Helm jumped up and landed on Serge Kinski's head. It took 3 hours for doctors to remove Kinski's head from Van Helm's ass. Sadly, Kinski perished in this horiffic accident, which since has been dubbed, "Death by Asshole."

post your own funny caption in a comment if you wanna.

Phobia of The Day

Basophobia: fear of walking or falling

Random Fact of The Day

Hummingbirds can't walk.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"-- Gifts for Children -- This is easy. You never have to figure out what to get for children, because they will tell you exactly what they want. They spend months and months researching these kinds of things by watching Saturday- morning cartoon-show advertisements. Make sure you get your children exactly what they ask for, even if you disapprove of their choices. If your child thinks he wants Murderous Bob, the Doll with the Face You Can Rip Right Off, you'd better get it. You may be worried that it might help to encourage your child's antisocial tendencies, but believe me, you have not seen antisocial tendencies until you've seen a child who is convinced that he or she did not get the right gift. "

Stupid News Story of The Day

(How many Big Macs can I get for one dead cat?)

Patrons toss dead cat through drive-thru

CEDAR RAPIDS, Iowa - An employee working the drive-through window at a McDonald's will have a tale to tell. When the worker went to the open window thinking the car pulling up had already ordered, the people in the car threw a dead cat through the window, police said.

Cedar Rapids Animal Control officer Matt McAtee said the black domestic shorthair appeared to have been dead for a while.

"It looked like somebody had picked it up off the road," McAtee said.

Police were called to the restaurant about 8:45 p.m. Tuesday.

The people in the car drove off. A description of the car was not available, but employees knew the people in the car, police said.

No charges had been filed. The investigation was continuing.

McDonald's officials declined comment.

___

Information from: The Gazette, http://www.gazetteonline.com/

10 Things That Sound Dirty At Christmas...and Probably Are

My own personal version of this list - hehe

10. Can I shake your package?
9. Those balls are too big for your tree.
8. Wow! Is that package for me?
7. It gets sticky when you lick it.
6. Come sit on Santa's lap and tell me what you want.
5. Your tree looks limp. Let me give it a little something.
4. It looks so nice that I wanna unwrap it really slow.
3. I am so stuffed that I can't even unzip my pants.
2. It looks like there is a lot of stuff in Santa's sack.
1. I can't wait to play with my toys!

Phobia of The Day

Ombrophobia: fear of rain or of being rained on.

Random Fact of The Day

In the year 2000, Pope John Paul II was named an 'Honorary Harlem Globetrotter.'

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"For the special dog on your holiday list, we recommend a highly scientific nutritional water specifically formulated for dogs. It comes not only in bacon flavor, but also in chicken and beef. These flavors entice the dog to drink the water, which contains, according to the manufacturer, a 'proprietary blend of vitamins, antioxidants, and electrolytes.' Of course if they REALLY wanted the dog to drink this water, they would give it the flavoring that dogs love most of all: toilet."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Was she trying to check him for tumors to save on a doctor bill?)

Woman puts baby through airport x-ray

LOS ANGELES - A woman mistakenly put her 1-month-old grandson through an X-ray machine at Los Angeles International Airport, authorities said.

A startled security worker noticed the shape of a child on the carry-on baggage screening monitor and immediately pulled him out, the Los Angeles Times reported for a story in Wednesday's editions.

The infant was taken to a local hospital, where doctors determined he did not receive a dangerous dose of radiation.

"This was an innocent mistake by an obviously inexperienced traveler," said Paul Haney, deputy executive director of airports and security for the city's airport agency.

The incident happened early Saturday, airport officials said.

Haney said in 1988, an infant in a car seat went through an X-ray machine at the Los Angeles airport.

Phobia of The Day

Chaetophobia: fear of hair

Random Fact of The Day

Forensic scientists can determine a person's sex, age, and race by examining a single strand of hair.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"Another Christmas is looming and this husband, terrified that he will screw up again, has been wracking his brain for gift ideas for his wife. Nothing automotive this time: He won't make THAT mistake again! He's thinking something more romantic, like maybe a Weed Whacker. But he's not sure. He's a nervous wreck. A lot of us men are. That's why we buy gifts at the very last minute, or, optionally, never. It's not that we're thoughtless jerks! Well, OK, thoughtless. But not jerks! We're doing our best to get through a stressful season. So on behalf of all men, I ask you women to cut us some slack and accept us for the imperfect beings that we are compared to you; and above all, in the spirit of that great Christmas carol, bring us some figgy pudding."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Here comes the bitch...)

Dog weddings called off on grounds of cruelty

NEW DELHI, Dec 17 (Reuters Life!) - A Hindu wedding ceremony of 18 dogs has been called off in India after hardline religious groups and animal rights activists said it was a mockery of the religion and cruel to the canines, a newspaper reported on Sunday.

The marriage of nine dogs to nine bitches to promote canine culture was expected to take place on Sunday in the northwestern town of Jaipur, the Times of India reported.

But the wedding which, according to Hindu rituals involves sitting in front of a sacred fire and exchanging flower garlands, was canceled after groups including People for Animals (PFA) criticized the event.

The marriage would also have included a procession and a huge feast with a special dance party. Event management company B Positive and the Pink City Canine Club were organizing the spectacle.

"In my opinion, marriage of dogs is cruelty on animals," the newspaper quoted the PFA's chairman Naresh Kadyan as saying.

"People hold the front legs of the dogs against their will and force them to dance, which is cruel. The lights, noise, sound used in these kinds of events also hurt them."

The organizers said they were sorry for hurting people's sentiments but added they still planned to go ahead with the other events, including a beauty pageant for "unmarried dogs."

Watch Cartman Sing "O Holy Night"

Video Clip

Click "play" to watch a clip from a holiday classic: A Christmas Story

Separated at birth?

What do you think?

Caption This!

Bananas ? Again? Crap! I wanted an X Box.

Post your own funny caption in a comment if you wanna.

Phobia of The Day

Aulophobia: fear of flutes

Random Fact of The Day

Flu shots only work about 70% of the time.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it Christmas and went to church; the Jews called it Hanukka and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say Merry Christmas! or Happy Hanukka! or (to the atheists) Look out for the wall!"

Stupid News Story of The Day

(This is your brain on drugs...any questions?)

Woman tells cop she bought 'bad crack'

HAWTHORNE, Fla. - A North Carolina woman was arrested after complaining to a police officer that the crack cocaine she had just purchased wasn't very good, authorities said.

Eloise D. Reaves, 50, approached the Putnam County sheriff's deputy at a convenience store Friday, telling him that another man had sold her "bad crack" that contained wax and cocaine.

She pulled an alleged crack rock out of her mouth and placed it on the deputy's car for inspection, the Palatka Daily News reported for Tuesday editions.

The deputy told Reaves that she would be arrested if the crack tested positive for cocaine.

She was charged with possession of cocaine and bonded out for $1,504.

A Christmas song - by me

What can I say....I am in a creative mood tonite.


It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas,
Crowds in ev'ry store.
Take a look in the parking lot,
It's filled up around the block,
With people pushing their way to the door.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas,
The streets are full of cars.
The pissed look on ev'ry person's face,
Is quite enough to erase,
Any Christmas joy.

A parking space just for me, and a a six-foot Christmas tree,
Are my wishes for my shopping trip.
But people that kick and grab and spit,
Are probably what I will get.
Boy I can hardly wait for Christmas to be over again!

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas,
Ev'rywhere you go.
And the stores are as crowded as can be,
Not much room for you and me,
Please remind me to shop online next time.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas,
There'll soon be sales you know,
And you thought it was hell before,
But wait just one day more,
That's why I stay home.

That's why I stay home.

Merry Christmas from my little guys

Merry Christms From Lil Oreo

Phobia of The Day

Ochlophobia: fear of crowds or mobs

Random Fact of The Day

The word 'Indiana' is Native American for 'Land of the Indians', yet less than 16,000 Native Americans live there.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"The basic idea behind malls is that they are more convenient than cities. Cities contain streets, which are dangerous and crowded and difficult to park in. Malls, on the other hand, have parking lots, which are also dangerous and crowded and difficult to park in, but -- here is the big difference -- in mall parking lots, THERE ARE NO RULES. You're allowed to do anything. You can drive as fast as you want in any direction you want. I was once driving in a mall parking lot when my car was struck by a pickup truck being driven backward by a squat man with a tattoo that said Charlie on his forearm, who got out and explained to me, in great detail, why the accident was my fault, his reasoning being that he was violent and muscular, whereas I was neither. This kind of reasoning is legally valid in mall parking lots."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Roll over...now sit up and beg. Good dog.)

Man given costume option for slaying dog

PAINESVILLE, Ohio - A man who shot his Great Dane in the head may have his jail sentence reduced if he dresses up as a dog.

Municipal Judge Michael Cicconetti offered Thursday to cut Robert M. Clark's sentence to 10 days in jail if he wears a Safety Pup costume and visits the city's five elementary schools. The mascot educates children about issues ranging from traffic safety to drug abuse.

Clark, 38, pleaded no contest to an animal cruelty charge and was sentenced to 180 days in jail for shooting his dog.

Cicconetti suspended all but 30 days of Clark's sentence if he pays the Lake County Human Society for the dog's veterinarian bills. The judge then offered to cut an additional 20 days if Clark dresses up as Safety Pup.

Clark was arrested July 3 after neighbors reported hearing the dog's cries and police found the injured animal. The humane society took the dog to an emergency veterinary clinic, but he suffered brain damage and had to be euthanized, the group said.

Clark is appealing the sentence, court officials said.

I love snow!

You Are a Snowman

Friendly and fun, you enjoy bringing holiday cheer to everyone you know!

What Christmas Ornament Are You?

Vixen

You Are Vixen

Sexy and sultry, you're the one all the other reindeer dream about. Why You're Naughty: That fur pulling spat you got into with Dancer over Santa. Why You're Nice: Because even when you're nice, you're still delightfully naughty!

Which of Santa's Reindeer Are You?