Saturday, April 23, 2005
Confessions
- - - I am afraid of heights. This fear has been with me since I was a little girl, but was probably exacerbated by an incident that happened to me on a Ferris Wheel when I was in 5th grade (Cyndi can attest to this - she was there, after all). Cyndi and I were at the Salinas Valley Fair in King City (the biggest even of the year in King City - lol), and I had 2 tickets left for the rides. The Ferris Wheel was 3 tickets, so I was bumming. But, as luck would have it, I found a ticket on the ground, and I thought it was my lucky day! So Cyndi and I were able to ride the Ferris Wheel. WOO HOO! There were some people in line behind us that I knew from school....Jackie and her friend. They were in my brother's class. We got on the Ferris Wheel, and all was going well. It was exhilerating going down, and we were having a fun time...until we heard someone scream, and then I saw this figure falling down to the ground. At first, I thought it was one of those giant teddy bears, then I realized that I was terribly wrong...it was Jackie. All I remember after that, is being extremely scared and thinking that I was going to die. I do remember holding onto that bar as tight as I could. I had never been so scared in my life, and I hope I am never that scared again.
- - - I used to feel ashamed that I was adopted. When I was a kid, being adopted was a subject for jokes and ridicule. I do confess that when I found out that I was adopted, I did not know what it meant. I had no clue. So, when I found out what it meant, I was confused, and I didn't want to tell anyone because I thought it would be just one more thing for kids to make fun of me about. It was something I hoped no one would ever find out. But as I grew older, I realized that I was pretty fortunate to be given such a gift as a great family. I truly love them, and it makes no difference whether or not the blood that runs through my veins shares DNA with theirs. It is the love and the trust that makes a family a family. Not blood. It didn't take me a long time to figure this out. I have no ill will toward my birth parents. If I could tell them anything, it would be "thank you. Thank you for giving me a chance at a better life than you could give me at that time." It was an unselfish act, and I silently thank them all the time for that. I also thank my parents for taking me in and giving me unconditional love and kindness and direction. I truly feel blessed. I have tried locating my birth parents before, but only to find out medical history and maybe to hug them and say "thank you." But it is hard. California has those closed-record laws that make it hard to find that kind of thing out, and I don't have the money to hire a private investigator. Maybe someday...
- - - I am more vulnerable than I let on. I put on this front that I am hard to offend and that I have this thick skin that can take most anything anyone can dish out. But, to tell you the truth, I am more vulnerable than I pretend to be. Sometimes, things people say hurt me. Sure, I usually laugh it off and go about my business, or I get defensive, but sometimes, it hurts. And words can hurt more than anything physical, because the bruises go away eventually, but the words...the words remain. They always say that the pen is mightier than the sword, and I know from experience, that this is true.
Lewis Black on MTV and the Superbowl Halftime Show
"... and then I knew things had taken a turn for the worse, when, 3 years ago, they hired MTV to do the halftime show... And why would you hire MTV to do music? MTV has nothing to do with music, ok. MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken. MTV is video, and video goes where? . . . In your EYE! Music goes in your EAR. Ear...eye...eye...ear. Big fucking difference! Music is like a drug. When you hear it, you have a vision. And that vision can change over time or remain the same. You know, that first time when you're in love and you hear a love song, and you think everytime you think about it ... you have that vision of your special someone. And then, 2 years after you broke up, you're at the bar, and you hear that song, and you go, 'Son of a bitch... I'll have a Yager." But whatever your vision is, I will tell you, if you're watching a music video, and the video is exactly the same as your vision.....kill yourself. MTV had brought to the stage that day, Britney Spears, N'Sync and Aerosmith. And they were playing music together... if that's what you could fuckin' call it. It was staggering to watch. It was so painful, I actually took a spoon and shoved it up my own ass. Because if I'm gonna hurt that bad, I'm gonna do it to myself. So it was absolutely extraordinary when CBS hired MTV to do the Superbowl this year.
Unbelievable! And that CBS would be shocked that MTV couldn't present a 'family' halftime show. Had none of the executives at CBS ever turned on MTV? All you gotta to do is watch it for 5 minutes and know that it should be called 'The Boner Network.' Kids come home from school, 'I'm gonna watch MTV,' and they lock themselves in their room and just put their little peckers right up on the set. And let me tell you, it will continue no matter what has happened, because of the recent events. I will guarantee that it will continue to evolve the way it has evolved. The halftime show in ten years will literally be just planes flying over the stadium and dropping shit on people .... while an orchestra plays classical music."
The Kern County Personnel Office on Truxton Ave - probably the most interesting looking building in all of Bakersfield
Posted by Hello
A poem
Posted by Hello
The Lamp of Life - by Amy Lowell (1874-1925)
Always we are following a light,
Always the light recedes; with groping hands
We stretch toward this glory, while the lands
We journey through are hidden from our sight
Dim and mysterious, folded deep in night,
We care not, all our utmost need demands
Is but the light, the light! So still it stands
Surely our own if we exert our might.
Fool! Never can'st thou grasp this fleeting gleam,
Its glowing flame would die if it were caught,
Its value is that it doth always seem
But just a little farther on. Distraught,
But lighted ever onward, we are brought
Upon our way unknowing, in a dream
CALM
I woke up at 9:30 this morning (early for me on a weekend - lol), and being that it was sunny outside, I decided I would give CALM another try. I made it out there around 11:30 and it was already pretty warm. The forecast said "scattered thunderstorms" for later, so I figured, the sooner I went out there, the better. It only cost $4.50 to get in, which isn't bad. It is a lot bigger that I expected. You can walk along the trails around the exhibits with wildflowers and other plants and trees surrounding them. It was something you would never expect to be in Bakersfield. The bears were asleep, and so were some of the foxes. The roadrunners were so cute, but they wouldn't stay still enough to let me take a picture of them - lol. The raccoons were noisy! Apparently, a new raccoon had moved in the cage behind them, and the resident male was busy asserting his authority - lol. There is a place inside where you can have a picnic lunch, too, and a gift shop. It was a cool place to visit. I posted some pics on here for you to see.
you can check out their website at http://www.calmzoo.org/
(it is starting to cloud up as I speak - lol)
you can check out their website at http://www.calmzoo.org/
(it is starting to cloud up as I speak - lol)
Raccoon - this little dude was mad because there was a new raccoon in the cage behind him and he was getting all territorial - boy was he mad!
Posted by Hello
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
My other blogs:
