Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"If everything is really the fault of a politician, where are all the bright, honest, intelligent Americans who are ready to step in and replace them? Where are these people hiding? The truth is, we don't have people like that. Everyone's at the mall, scratching his balls, and buying sneakers with lights in them. And complaining about the politicians."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(There should be a "no biting" rule at wedding receptions.)

Another Wedding Guest Loses Digit in Fight

PERRY TOWNSHIP, Mich. - For the second time in two years, a wedding reception guest in Shiawassee County has lost part of a finger during a fight.

This time, Philip L. Michalek, of Morrice, is accused of biting off the tip of another man's thumb during a scuffle Saturday night outside the Perry Township Hall, police said.

Michalek, 26, was arraigned Monday on a charge of assault with intent to do great bodily harm and jailed with bond set at $10,000. He could face 10 years in prison if convicted.

Police said Michalek was scuffling with Ryan Dickey, 23, of Grand Ledge, in the parking lot when the incident occurred.

Dickey was taken to a Lansing hospital, but doctors could not reattach the severed part of his thumb, police and prosecutors said. He has since been released from the hospital.

State police Detective Sgt. Mark Pendergraff said Michalek and Dickey had a dispute and went to the parking lot. "They got into a scuffle, and the victim's thumb ended up in the suspect's mouth," he told The Flint Journal.

In August 2003, a wedding guest was arrested after biting off part of a man's finger, biting the thumb of the bridegroom and knocking down the bridegroom's mother during a fracas involving several people outside a wedding hall in Corunna.

In that case, the guest pleaded no contest to assault and battery and felonious assault and was sentenced to two to four years in prison.

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"I often hear otherwise intelligent people complaining about drivers who slow down when driving past a traffic accident. They curse them and call them "rubberneckers." I don't understand this at all. I am never in too big a hurry that I can't stop and watch someone else's suffering."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(The spell must have worked.)

Dutch Witches Get Tax Break for Studies

APPELSCHA, Netherlands - Dutch witches are getting a tax break. A court has ruled that the cost of witchcraft lessons can be taken as a tax deduction.

Learning to cast spells and brew potions doesn't come cheap. Margarita Rongen runs the "Witches Homestead" in a northern province. Her witchcraft workshops cost more than $200 a weekend or more than $2,600 for a full course.

Rongen says she been a witch for 38 years and has a duty to pass along her knowledge. She notes her black cauldron and crystal ball stand at the ready for the next full moon.

Cobwebs cling from the wooden rafters. Dusty shelves are cluttered with glass jars of home-brewed potions, dried herbs and stone amulets. An oil cooker and a black cauldron sit in the corner, ready for the next full moon. This isn't a Halloween party, it's Margarita Rongen's year-round workshop and she is a witch — according to her tax return.

Dutch witches were guaranteed a financial treat when the Leeuwarden District Court reaffirmed their legal right to write off the costs of schooling — including in witchcraft — against their tax bills. Those costs run to thousands of dollars.

The court found on Sept. 23 that a witch can declare schooling costs if it increases the likelihood of employment and personal income.

Rongen, a mother of two grown children, runs a school for witches, the "Witches Homestead," in the northern Friesland province of the Netherlands. She has trained more than 160 disciples over the past four decades in "a religion that is older than Christianity," she said.

Courses are held 13 weekends a year closest to a full moon when outdoor rituals are practiced and potions boiled. Participants learn healing with herbs and stones, divination and fortunetelling with crystal balls and hieroglyphs, and how to make potions.

The cost is $206 per weekend, including reading material, lodgings and the tools needed for witchcraft. The full course of 13 weekends runs $2,678 and is open to women and men over 18.

"Once you have become a witch ... you can pass along the things you have learned," said Rongen. "I have been a witch for 38 years and learned it from my father."

Lawmaker Pieter Omtzigt was astounded to hear that the state was funding witchcraft and asked for clarification.

He got an answer to his question last week in a letter from Junior Finance Minister Joop Wijn, saying that "Under the circumstances, the cost of a course to become a witch qualifies as school fees."

Rongen invited Omtzigt to visit her.

"If he would come here and try the divination rod and see how important it is to find things, see that it isn't pleasant to have earth radiation in your house, feel the forces of the earth, that would be magnificent."

I've been riding on the railroad...

I went for a train ride this weekend. It was my first time ever riding on a train. It was awesome! I posted pics on my other blog, which you can go to by clicking HERE.

Blast From The Past

I don't know if anyone remembers Chinese Jacks, but I do. It was one of those 80's fads. What you did was to buy a package of colored rings, which you would hook together to a central ring. I don't really remember how to play though, but it seemed to me that you would put one jack in the palm of your hand and toss it up and try to cath it on the back of your hand. If you did that, then you went to two, then three, etc. I remember being quite good at it though. I wish I still knew how to play! lol.

Stupid News Story of The Day

(...oh yeah...and about my gas line...)

Pa. Gas Company Callers Get Sex-Talk Line

WASHINGTON, Pa. - Instead of information about a utility bill, callers to phone numbers listed for a local gas company get an offer for a different kind of service.

Colombia Gas customers in Washington found that two numbers listed in the Yellow Book USA don't go to the utility, but instead reach a message directing them to a sex-talk line.

"I mean, how can this happen?" said Helen George, an Amity resident who tried to call Columbia's office in Washington but reached the Intimate Encounters line.

Officials from Columbia Gas said the numbers were from a former office and should have been changed.

Intimate Encounters makes a habit of using well-known numbers and in the past has bought the use of an old Florida Fish and Wildlife Commission number set up to report injured or dead manatees and toll-free numbers that used to belong to the Policy Review journal, the World Wildlife Fund and rape crisis lines in Maine and Arizona.

You're the United Nations!
Most people think you're ineffective, but you are trying to completely save the world from itself, so there's always going to be a long way to go. You're always the one trying to get friends to talk to each other, enemies to talk to each other, anyone who can to just talk instead of beating each other about the head and torso. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't, and you get very schizophrenic as a result. But your heart is in the right place, and sometimes also in New York.
Take the Country Quizat the Blue Pyramid

Things that make you go....BOO!

It is almost Halloween, so, of course, it is spooooooooooky time. Makes me think of scary movies and all those things that go bump in the night. I decided to make up a list of 20 of my favorite horror movie moments....the ones that really got me good....

(* warning - there are movie spoilers in here, so if you haven't seen the movies, then you might not want to read anymore - hehe)

1) The Excorcist....Regan's head spinning around....projectile vomiting....pretty much that whole movie is freaky-scary.

2) Alien - when everyone is at the table eating and talking and all of a sudden Kane starts choking and convulsing, and then WHAM....alien comes out of his gut. Great one!

3) Poltergeist - When Robbie looks under his bed and then sits back up, and there is that evil clown doll. That scene scared me shitless when I was a kid.

4) The Amityville Horror - when the priest is in the house and he hears that horrible voice saying "Get out!" - that one still gives me chills.

5) Psycho - 2 scenes here....the famous shower scene (no explanation needed) and the final scene where you find out that Norman's mother is really nothing but a pile of bones....then you see just how whacked out Norman Bates really is.

6) Rosemary's Baby - the final scene where you see the baby's eyes.....ewwww!!

7) Halloween - When Annie is in the car and sees the fogged up window...you just know there is gonna be trouble!

8) Suspiria - in the beginning, when you see the eyes from out of the darkness of the window....scary!!!!

9) The Grudge - just the way that woman moves gives me the chills.

10) The Ring - when Samara comes out of the tv....made me look at tv's in a whole new way.

11) Friday the 13th - When Alice is on the lake at the end and everything seems peaceful and good, and then WHAM....up comes Jason.

12) A Nightmare on Elm Street - When Tina is getting whacked and climbing up the walls and you can see the cuts appearing on her skin but there's no one there.

13) Scream - the entire first scene where Drew Barrymore gets it.

14) Raiders of The Lost Ark - ok, so it's not a horror movie, but toward the end when those guys' faces start to melt, well, that is pretty freaky.

15) Texas Chainsaw Massacre - that whole movie is chalk-full of scary goodness.

16) Phantasm - the end when The Tall Man comes out of the mirror and grabs Mike.

17) Carrie - At the end when Sue is visiting Carrie White's "grave" and puts the flowers down.....and up comes Carrie's hand.

18) Jaws - when Hooper goes down to see the wrecked boat and pulls the shark tooth out of the hull, then the head of the dead body pops up ....BOO!

19) The Evil Dead - Cheryl and the tree - nuff said.

20) Night of The Living Dead - the scene with Barbara and Johnny and Johnny is attacked by the zombie - I didn't see that one coming.

Honorable Mention - The Birds - when Melanie is sitting outside the school and the crows start gathering up on the jungle gym...and little, by little, more and more gather up until they....... attack!

I am sure I missed a bunch of good moments, but these are probably my favorites.

Stupid News Story of The Day

(I want my mommy!)

Robber Blames Crime on Missing His Mother

EVANSVILLE, Ind. - A man who led police on a high-speed chase after a bank robbery in May says he was driven to commit the robbery because he missed his mother.

Terrence Lee Mackey, 63, during a sentencing hearing Wednesday, blamed the crime on the federal prison system, saying officials refused to jail him near his mother in Florida after he violated parole in 1982.

"I wouldn't be standing here today if I'd been sent to Florida like I asked," Mackey said.

U.S. District Judge Richard L. Young sentenced Mackey to 29 years in prison. He said he didn't trust old age to stop Mackey from committing more crimes.

Mackey and William "Ricky" Herrell were arrested after the white Corvette they were driving crashed into a river levee as they fled from police.

During the sentencing hearing, Mackey said he was leaning out of the window of the getaway car, firing two handguns at police. He claimed he did it in self-defense.

"The police were shooting at me," Mackey said.

Herrell, 26, is awaiting trial in the case.

New page

You can click HERE to see my Yahoo 360 page, or HERE to see my Myspace page. It's fun, fun for everyone! hehe

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"A meltdown sounds like fun. Like some kind of cheese sandwich."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(You know you're a bad shot when you miss a cow...twice.)

Cow slaughter backfires for man

SYDNEY (Reuters) - A man who twice missed while trying to shoot a friend's cow only to accidentally shoot a passer-by in the leg was fined Wednesday for what an Australian court described as a freak accident.

Rudolf Stadler, 61, agreed in April last year to shoot the troublesome cow which belonged to a friend who owns a hobby farm at Caboolture in tropical Queensland state.

Stadler lured the cow to a shed, and then took aim with his rifle. He missed. He took aim a second time, fired and missed again.

The second shot went through the back of the shed, a fence across a paddock and then through the door of a car being driven along a road behind the farm.

The bullet hit 46-year-old Carrie Tunning in the leg, the Brisbane District Court heard. Tunning, a passenger in the car, made a full recovery but Stadler was so distressed by the incident that he handed in his firearms license.

The court fined Stadler A$1,000 and banned him from obtaining another gun license for five years.

The cow was not so lucky, with Stadler eventually finding his mark.

Take the 80's Pop Quiz

I got 86.2% - hehe

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"The bigger they are, the worse they smell."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Able to leap building in a single bound? Not so much.)

'Superman' Hospitalized After Leap

GRAZ, Austria - A man who claimed he was Superman and could fly was hospitalized early Tuesday after leaping from a fourth-floor window, authorities said.

Paramedics rushed the 23-year-old man to a hospital in the city of Graz, about 120 miles south of Vienna, after he jumped from a window and suffered head and back injuries, police said.

They said the man — who apparently had drunk several bottles of red wine before attempting the jump — appeared at the window ledge at around 4 a.m. and shouted: "I am Superman! Nothing can happen to me!"

The jumper, whose name was not released, landed on part of a lower section and roof, sparing him from more serious injuries, authorities said.

Weekend Trip

I went to the Santa Barbara Zoo on Saturday. Of course, I took pictures and you can see them by clicking here. There was a crooked-necked giraffe there, a poop-eating gorilla, and 2 very amorous leopards. It was quite a trip - lol.

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"Many people work on war plans; not too many work on peace plans. They even have a war college at Ft. McNair, Washington. They call it the National Defense University, but it's a war college. They don't have a peace college."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(And in the end, the soda bottle is mightier than the gun.)

Bottle ends shooting spree

MANILA (Reuters) - A German man killed two men and wounded two others with a pistol in a farming town in the northern Philippines before he was knocked unconscious with a soft drink bottle, police said Tuesday.

The trouble began when a 51-year-old German national who is married to a Filipino woman was summoned to the community hall to answer complaints from his neighbors accusing him of issuing threats Sunday.

During a heated argument with his four neighbors, the man pulled out a .45 caliber pistol and began shooting at people inside the hall, said Jefferson Soriano, chief of police in the northern Cagayan Valley region.

"The village chief and his deputy were killed on the spot," Soriano told reporters. "Two of his four neighbors were shot in the head and neck, while the others scampered for safety."

Soriano said the German man chased and shot at those who tried to escape. He was subdued after the wife of one of his neighbors hit him in the head with a soft drink bottle.

Police officers found the man still unconscious and took him to hospital. He now faces murder charges.

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Need more proof that people are idiots?)

Man Accused of Placing Lewd Photos on Cars

WEST BEND, Wis. - A 40-year-old man faces charges accusing him of placing photographs of his genitalia on the cars of women who parked at shopping centers.

The criminal complaint filed Thursday against Jeffrey J. Hein of Hartford said he told investigators he placed the photos on their cars because he thought they "would find it funny."

Hein was charged Thursday in Washington County Circuit Court with eight counts of lewd and lascivious behavior and five counts of disorderly conduct, all misdemeanors.

The complaint alleges Hein placed the photographs on cars seven different times, with the first occurring on Aug. 25 at a ShopKo store in West Bend and the most recent Tuesday at Hobby Lobby in West Bend.

Other episodes allegedly occurred at Paradise Golf, a Wal-Mart, a Kmart and a Sally Beauty Supply Store, all in West Bend, according to the complaint.

Assistant District Attorney Holly Bunch told Circuit Judge Annette Ziegler during a hearing Thursday at which bail was set at $3,000 that at least 14 additional charges would be filed Friday against Hein.

Other charges could also be filed in other counties, Bunch said.

The criminal complaint said Hein told investigators he was inspired by a pornographic Web site to photograph his private parts and then sell the pictures to the Web site.

But, when he was unable to do that, he "came up with the idea to play a joke on strangers" by putting the photographs in envelopes and attaching them to cars belonging to women, whom he picked at random whenever he went shopping, the complaint said.

Authorities said the vehicles belonged to women ranging in age from their teens to the mid-40s.

Investigators said Hein told them some of the women laughed when they looked at the photos.

If convicted on all counts filed Thursday, Hein could be imprisoned up to five years and nine months and fined up to $85,000. His next court appearance is scheduled Wednesday.