Why do they call it "common sense?" There's no such thing as common sense. If it was so common, more people would have it.
And why do they call it "nonsense" when EVERYONE has that.
Common sense should tell you that nonsense makes more sense.
Did that make any sense?
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Random Fact of The Day
The word 'gymnasium' comes from the Greek word gymnazein which means 'to exercise naked.'
Stupid News Story of The Day
(Leave science to the hyenas.)
Scientists can't get sloth to move
JENA, Germany - Scientists in the eastern German city of Jena said Wednesday they have finally given up after three years of failed attempts to entice a sloth into budging as part of an experiment in animal movement.
The sloth, named Mats, was remanded to a zoo after consistently refusing to climb up and then back down a pole, as part of an experiment conducted by scientists at the University of Jena's Institute of Systematic Zoology and Evolutionary Biology.
Neither pounds of cucumbers nor plates of homemade spaghetti were appetizing enough to make Mats move.
"Mats obviously wanted absolutely nothing to do with furthering science," said Axel Burchardt, a university spokesman.
Mats' new home is the zoo in the northwestern city of Duisburg where, according to all reports, he is very comfortable.
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Funny Stuff From George Carlin
"Most vitamin pills don't have names or trademarks on them; they're just plain-looking unmarked pills. And if you're traveling with a lot of vitamins, and in order to save space you've put them all in one big jar, you have no way of proving what they are. If, for instance, the police should search your suitcase, all they're going to know is that you have a big jar of unmarked pills. And should they be in the mood to break your balls, they can hold you for twenty-four hours while they 'send these little things down to the lab and see what we've got here.' And you wind up in jail overnight for no reason at all.
That's why I always travel with Flintstone vitamins. Not only do Flintstone vitamins contain all the vital nutrients kids need each day, they also keep grownups out of jail."
That's why I always travel with Flintstone vitamins. Not only do Flintstone vitamins contain all the vital nutrients kids need each day, they also keep grownups out of jail."
Random Fact of The Day
The highest point in Pennsylvania is lower than the lowest point in Colorado!
Stupid News Story of The Day
(Polly wanna cracker?)
Man arrested for smuggling 500 parrots in a car
ALMATY (Reuters) - Kazakh border guards arrested a man trying to smuggle 500 parrots in his car from neighbouring Uzbekistan, media reported on Tuesday.
"Border guards discovered a live cargo of 500 parrots in his car," Kazakhstan Today news agency quoted a KNB security service official as saying.
It was unclear how the parrots fitted into the Kazakh man's Audi. Trade in wild parrots is banned around the world, according to the U.N. Convention on International Trade in Endangered Species of Wild Fauna and Flora.
Monday, January 22, 2007
Caption This!
Damn! Why didn't someone tell me that my butt was this big?
post your own funny caption in a comment if you wanna.
Funny Stuff From George Carlin
"Every sixty seconds, thirty acres of rain forest are destroyed in order to raise beef for fast-food restaurants that sell it to people, giving them strokes and heart attacks, which raise medical costs and insurance rates, providing insurance companies with more money to invest in large corporations that branch out further into the Third World so they can destroy more rain forests."
Stupid News Story of The Day
(We love you long time.)
Amsterdam to get statue to honor prostitutes
AMSTERDAM (Reuters) - Amsterdam's red-light district will soon get a new attraction: a statue to honor prostitutes around the world.
The statue, designed by artist Els Rijerse, will likely be unveiled at the end of March, Dutch news agency ANP reported.
"In many countries, prostitutes struggle and people have no respect for them whatsoever. The statue is meant to give all those men and women strength," Mariska Majoor, a former prostitute who commissioned the statue, told ANP.
ANP said the statue, made of bronze, shows a woman who confidently looks out into the world.
Gripes, pet peeves and just plain bitchiness
~ Always make sure you have a good pair of socks on when you go out in the morning. If you don't, it will ruin your day. I spent a good part of my day today just pulling up my socks. Remind me to not wear those socks to work ever again.
~ There's a commercial on tv that says the odds of you being in a movie star car accident are one in eight million, but the odds of you being in an accident are one in eight. Well, I think the odds of you being in an accident involving someone that works in my building are at least one in three. People that work at the OC are some of the shittiest drivers around. I swear, every day when I drive to work there is some asshole driver who cuts right in front of me 20 feet before the entrance to the parking lot. Yeah, asshole. I know where you work. And yes, I DID flip you off. Don't look so shocked. You know what you did
~ I have no problem flipping people off .... even people that I know. If you are my friend and you cut me off or tailgate me so close that I can smell your perfume or cologne, expect to see the bird come out of the cage. I don't care if you are my friend. If you drive all asshole-ish like the rest of those f*ckers out there, then you are just as bad as they are, and therefore, deserve to be flipped off and cussed at. And if you really were my friend, you wouldn't cut me off in the first place - hehe
~ I said it once, and I am gonna say it again. When you are waiting for the elevator and it stops and the doors open up, don't just ram your way into the elevator before making sure there aren't people that might want to get out. You know the doors don't shut the moment you are inside the thing. Relax, people. And for pete's sake, let me out of this damned elevator!!!
~ Don't talk to me when I am typing case comments or when I am trying to add numbers in my head. Because if you start talking about how cute monkeys are and how you wish you had one for a pet, I will end up putting that shit in my case comments without even knowing it, and when I turn the case in and the supervisor reads my case comments, she will think I have (pardon the pun) gone bananas. Of course, I will blame you.
~ Please, please, for the love of all that is holy and good, DO NOT talk about how you spent all last weekend puking and how the puke was this nasty shade of green and had chunks of potatoes and carrots in it, when I am eating lunch, or dinner, or breakfast, or right before or right after I have eaten. In fact, don't talk to me about it at all. I also don't want to know about how you spent all night on the toilet with the runs, or about your last bladder infection, or about how mush pus came out when you popped your zit. EWWW. There are certain things people should keep to themselves.
~ When you are a passenger in my car, keep your hands off of my radio. My car...my music. I don't care if you are a devout Catholic who only listens to Christian music. You are gonna be listening to some Black Sabbath. Rock on!
~ Don't tell me I am gonna go to hell for listening to rock music or for posting something like this on my blog...
It is not your job to "save" me. Besides, I already know I am going to hell. The nuns at my old school told me that when I was in 3rd grade.
~ You are not allowed to watch The View or Oprah or any Steven Seagal movies at my house. You can go to your own house and watch that crap all you want. My tv will explode if it is forced to play that shit.
~ Monty Python rules!! If you disagree, well then, you suck.
-------- to be continued - hehe
~ There's a commercial on tv that says the odds of you being in a movie star car accident are one in eight million, but the odds of you being in an accident are one in eight. Well, I think the odds of you being in an accident involving someone that works in my building are at least one in three. People that work at the OC are some of the shittiest drivers around. I swear, every day when I drive to work there is some asshole driver who cuts right in front of me 20 feet before the entrance to the parking lot. Yeah, asshole. I know where you work. And yes, I DID flip you off. Don't look so shocked. You know what you did
~ I have no problem flipping people off .... even people that I know. If you are my friend and you cut me off or tailgate me so close that I can smell your perfume or cologne, expect to see the bird come out of the cage. I don't care if you are my friend. If you drive all asshole-ish like the rest of those f*ckers out there, then you are just as bad as they are, and therefore, deserve to be flipped off and cussed at. And if you really were my friend, you wouldn't cut me off in the first place - hehe
~ I said it once, and I am gonna say it again. When you are waiting for the elevator and it stops and the doors open up, don't just ram your way into the elevator before making sure there aren't people that might want to get out. You know the doors don't shut the moment you are inside the thing. Relax, people. And for pete's sake, let me out of this damned elevator!!!
~ Don't talk to me when I am typing case comments or when I am trying to add numbers in my head. Because if you start talking about how cute monkeys are and how you wish you had one for a pet, I will end up putting that shit in my case comments without even knowing it, and when I turn the case in and the supervisor reads my case comments, she will think I have (pardon the pun) gone bananas. Of course, I will blame you.
~ Please, please, for the love of all that is holy and good, DO NOT talk about how you spent all last weekend puking and how the puke was this nasty shade of green and had chunks of potatoes and carrots in it, when I am eating lunch, or dinner, or breakfast, or right before or right after I have eaten. In fact, don't talk to me about it at all. I also don't want to know about how you spent all night on the toilet with the runs, or about your last bladder infection, or about how mush pus came out when you popped your zit. EWWW. There are certain things people should keep to themselves.
~ When you are a passenger in my car, keep your hands off of my radio. My car...my music. I don't care if you are a devout Catholic who only listens to Christian music. You are gonna be listening to some Black Sabbath. Rock on!
~ Don't tell me I am gonna go to hell for listening to rock music or for posting something like this on my blog...
It is not your job to "save" me. Besides, I already know I am going to hell. The nuns at my old school told me that when I was in 3rd grade.
~ You are not allowed to watch The View or Oprah or any Steven Seagal movies at my house. You can go to your own house and watch that crap all you want. My tv will explode if it is forced to play that shit.
~ Monty Python rules!! If you disagree, well then, you suck.
-------- to be continued - hehe
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Dialing for foam
I heard if you call 1-800-322-7943 and request info on the Tempur-Pedic mattress, they will send you a sample of their Tempur-Pedic mattress foam. I figure if enough people call for me and send me their samples, then I will have enough foam to make my own mattress....or at least a pillow. So get to dialing, people!!!
I See Dumb People
If only someone would pack up Oprah, Rosie O'Donnell, Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and Steven Seagal and shoot them into space so this world would be rid of these dumbasses. Come on. Someone must have a spare rocket launcher lying around.
Funny Stuff From George Carlin
Things I'm Tired Of
"I've grown weary of reading about clouds in a book. Doesn't this piss you off? You're reading a nice story, and suddenly the writer has to stop and describe the clouds. Who cares? I'll bet you anything I can write a decent novel, with a good, entertaining story, and never once mention the clouds."
Stupid News Story of The Day
(They're homeless. How the heck are they gonna come up with that kind of money?)
Owner of ritzy NY shop sues homeless By Matthew Verrinder
NEW YORK (Reuters) - It's a case of Madison Avenue versus Penniless Lane. A Manhattan antique shop owner's lawsuit against transients who camp in front of his store is generating debate about what to do with New York's homeless, many of whom spend winter nights on the street.
Karl Kemp, owner of the posh Karl Kemp & Associates Antiques, Ltd. on Madison Avenue, sued three men and a woman for $1 million (506,807 pounds) earlier this month, alleging they scare away customers when they drink alcohol, urinate and warm themselves above a heating duct in front of his shop.
Kemp's suit, filed in state Supreme Court, also seeks an order to keep them 100 feet (30 metres) away.
Some New York homeless advocates are upset, saying Kemp was too quick to sue poor vagrants instead of trying to help them through social services.
Nearly 35,000 people spent Wednesday night in New York City homeless shelters. About 3,800 shunned shelters and slept outside in 2006, according to city data.
"(Kemp) could have called any number of homeless service organisations that reach out to people on the street," said Shelly Nortz, deputy executive director for policy for the Coalition for the Homeless. "Suing them for $1 million is just wrong."
Michael Zen, a lawyer for Kemp, said that since 2004 the shop owner contacted police, who came and shooed the transients away, and the manager of the building, requesting the hot air flowing out of the heating duct be rerouted.
"Filing the suit wasn't our first instinct," Zen said. "Mr. Kemp's business has been interfered with. We want these people to move on. Unfortunately, it has come to this."
The New York Post backed Kemp, writing in an editorial on Friday, "We're no fans of frivolous lawsuits. But kudos to Kemp."
Dace Kins, who was visiting the posh Upper East Side shopping area from Chicago on Thursday, called the issue "a sad situation on both sides."
"It would be wonderful if the city could do something for them so they wouldn't have to be out in this freezing weather," Kins said.
People who worked in nearby stores were less sympathetic, saying that one of the men can usually be found on the grate cursing at passersby.
"He says a lot of things to people," said doorman Shakeem Hodge. "To me he says, 'Burn in hell.'"
(Additional reporting by Bob Mezan)
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