Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"I can identify my periods of heavy cocaine use by the years in which I have no idea who was in the World Series or the Super Bowl. Bliss."

Phobia of The Day

Octophobia: fear of the number 8.

Example: If it wasn't for his octophobia, Jake would have passed his math class.

Random Fact of The Day

The practice of identifying baseball players by number was started by the Yankees in 1929.

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Yes, I'd like to place an order for 30 cartons of catnip.)

Bank issues credit card to cat

SYDNEY, Jan 4 (Reuters Life!) - An Australian bank has apologized for issuing a credit card to a cat after its owner decided to test the bank's identity security system.

The Bank of Queensland issued a credit card to Messiah the cat when his owner Katherine Campbell applied for a secondary card on her account under its name.

"I just couldn't believe it. People need to be aware of this and banks need to have better security," Campbell told local media on Thursday.

The bank said the cat's card had been canceled. "We apologize as this should not have happened," it said in a statement.

Wrong on so many levels

Now, my friend Alicia was shopping at Old Navy, and was on the phone with me, and she came across this shirt they had there for little kids that was just wrong on sooooooo many levels. Well I found it on their web site...here it is....



Now, keep in mind that this shirt comes in sizes from 6 months to 5T. I certainly would HOPE that a little baby would be single!!! Never, ever let your child wear this shirt. Especially around Michael Jackson!

Well, that wasn't the only icky shirt they had there. Here is another example of just plain wrongness...



Hot to trot? At 12 months old? EWWWWW! You might as well get them a shirt like this...





or this one...



(no, these are not for sale on Old Navy. They are created by me on Photoshop. But I wouldn't be surprised if they actually had them there!)

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"If you don't think men are stupid, check the newspaper. Ninety-nine percent of all the truly horrifying shit going on in this world was initiated, established, perpetuated, enabled, or continued by men. And that includes the wave and the high five, two of history's truly low points."

Phobia of The Day

Gallophobia: fear of the French or of French culture

Example: Eating french fries is difficult for Jack, because he has gallophobia.

Random Fact of The Day

Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a belly button.

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Thank you. Drive thru!)

Drowsy big rig driver plows through KFC

WASCO, Calif. - A drowsy big rig driver may have taken a KFC "drive thru" sign too literally. The truck barreled through the fast-food restaurant around 4:30 a.m. Wednesday, after the driver fell asleep at the wheel, authorities said. The restaurant was closed at the time, and no one was seriously injured.

The produce-carrying big rig was going east on Highway 46, when it veered off the road, jumped the curb, knocked over a metal pole, plowed through the KFC, missed a house by several feet, demolished a shed and crashed through a brick wall before coming to a stop in the backyard of another house.

"We feel very, very fortunate that no one was hurt," said Bill Frederick, who rushed home to console his wife and assess the damage to his backyard after the crash. "If it wasn't for the reinforcement and the rebar and the neighbor's chain link fence, it would have been in the house with us."

Gonzalo Varela, the manager of the KFC, said the business would try to transfer the restaurant's 11 employees to other area KFCs, while the Wasco location was rebuilt.

The cause of the crash remained under investigation, and no arrests were made.

___

Information from: The Bakersfield Californian, http://www.bakersfield.com

This is just sad...

When K-Fed and Britney Spears split up, everyone thought that it was K-Fed who was the jerk amd Britney was just the not-so-innocent "victim" of his evil clutches.. Well, well, well. Looks like the tables have turned. There has to be something wrong with the world when it's K-Fed that comes out looking like the better half.



While K-Fed seems to have cleaned up his act, Britney, well.....the picture speaks for itself. So many shades of wrong.

Looks like K-Fed might get to keep his kids after all.

pictures from perezhilton.com

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"I don't let people drive at my speed. If I see some guy in the next lane keepin' pace with me, I slow down. I let that asshole get a little bit ahead, so I can keep an eye on him. I like to know who I'm drivin' near. In fact, quite often at a red light, I'll ask for personal references. You can never be too careful."

Phobia of The Day

Decidophobia: fear of making decisions

Example: Because of his decidophobia, it takes George nearly an hour to order his dinner.

Random Fact of The Day

There are 92 known cases of nuclear bombs lost at sea.

Stupid News Story of The Day

(He loves me...he loves me not.)

Man proposes, then allegedly KOs fiancee

YORK, Pa. - A man who proposed to his girlfriend at a New Year's party allegedly knocked her out with a steering wheel lock just hours after she said yes, police said.

Stephen Mujerm, 40, of Lanham, Md., and new fiancee Victorine Taboh began arguing about 6 a.m. Monday as they drove home from the party in northern York County.

Taboh, of Laurel, Md., and another passenger were complaining that Mujerm was driving recklessly, police said. He then stopped the vehicle beside Interstate 83 in Springfield Township, where he and Taboh got out and began to argue.

As the confrontation escalated, Taboh began breaking the windows of Mujerm's car with a steering wheel lock, police said. Mujerm then punched Taboh and hit her in the head with the lock, knocking her unconscious, said police.

Emergency medical workers took Taboh to a hospital, where she was treated and released, police said.

State police charged Mujerm with aggravated assault, simple assault, reckless endangering and driving while under the influence of alcohol.

A phone number for him could not be located.

___

Information from: The York Dispatch, http://www.yorkdispatch.com

Fun With Photoshop

Yes, I have way too much time on my hands.

Phobia of The Day

Cypridophobia: fear of prostitutes

Example: If you have cypridophobia, then you might not want to drive down Union Ave.

Random Fact of The Day

All clams start out as males; some decide to become females at some point in their lives.

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"Here's all you need to know about mean and women: Women are crazy, and men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(When there's a will, there's a way.)

Oiled prisoner slips out of Norway jail

OSLO, Norway - A Lithuanian held on suspicion of theft in an Arctic Norway jail slipped out of custody — literally — by stripping naked, smearing himself with vegetable oil and sliding through the prison bars, police said Wednesday.

"He slipped through the bars on Christmas Eve," said Svein-Erik Jacobsen, operation leader for the Oest-Finnmark Police District. The unusual escape made national news in Norway on Wednesday.

Another Lithuanian, held as an accomplice in the same cell, also used the technique to try to slip out of a window of the Vadsoe Jail, but failed, apparently because he was too big. The men had managed to bend the bars slightly to gain more space.

"It was a good effort," Jacobsen said. "But all he did was get his head and part of his shoulder through the bars."

A police news release identified the escaped suspect as Yuris Sinkevicius, 25, and said he was 5 feet, 8 inches tall and thin. He remained at large. The statement did not name the second suspect.

Both were arrested in Sweden in late October on suspicion of being involved in an organized grand theft ring that had hit targets in northern Norway and Sweden. They were turned over to Norway, and were being held pending an investigation and possible indictment.

Holiday Lights

Here are some pictures I took at the holiday light exhibit at the California Living Museum (CALM) in Bakersfield in 2006.

At least I don't have to hitchhike

Well, my car is in the shop. When I took it to get an oil change and to get thr tires rotated on Friday, the mechanic told me that I would have to take my car in to get the brakes worked on. Seems there are heat cracks in the front rotor and back brake shoe (whatever the hell those things are), and blah blah blah. So I dropped my car off at my folks' house this morning so they could take it in for me. Well, despite having an appointment at 9 am this morning, when I called my mom at 3:30, she told me they hadn't even gotten around to looking at it yet. Grrrrrr. Like my mom said, what the hell good does it do to have an appointment? Anyway, when she picked me up from work this afternoon, she told me they had finally gotten around to looking at it, but it wouldn't be ready til tomorrow to pick it up. So, here's to hoping it will be ready tomorrow. I hate being without a car. But at least I have cool parents who will pick me up and take me to work in the morning when it is friggin' cold outside, and then drive back in the afternoon and pick me up and take me home. It is nice to have cool folks like that Even nicer that they are picking up the bill for the brake job. I don't know what I did to deserve such cool folks, but I sure am glad that I have them!!!!

Am I spoiled? Probably - lol. But I am grateful!

Phobia of The Day

Clinophobia: fear of going to bed.

Example: Frank stays awake all night because he has clinophobia.

Random fact of The Day

The odds of being killed by falling out of bed are one in two million.

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"The only difference between lilies and turds is whatever difference humans have agreed upon, and I don't always agree."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(How much beer can I get for a Great Dane?)

Thirsty man sells beagle to buy beer

BERLIN (Reuters) - A thirsty German sold his 6-year-old step-daughter's pet beagle to the owner of a bar to pay for beer, the Bild newspaper reported Friday.

The unemployed man offered to take the dog for a walk and then stopped at a bar where he convinced the owner to buy the 3-year-old dog for 40 euros ($53).

The man spent the proceeds quenching his thirst for beer. The bar owner has now returned the dog to its owner.