Oh good lord I am sleepy. Soooo sleepy. At least it is our flex day tomorrow, which means no work (yeeeeehaaaaw!) so I can sleep my lazy ass in. And you know I will ! When it comes to sleeping in, I am queen.
Last night's episode of South Park was so freakin' hilarious. I loved it when Cartman's mom brought in the "dog whisperer" to try to tame Cartman. Too funny!!! It is nice to see South Park has not lost its edge.
Today I get to go to the "fun" doctor (and by "fun" I am being sarcastic). Men, just be glad that you are men. Be glad that you don't have to lie on your back on a table, with some paper gown barely covering parts that the doctor is gonna expose anyway, and then have some cold metal thing shoved up your vagina and clamped into place while the doctor sticks some wooden spoon-like object up to scrape some of your cells off of your insides, and THEN shoves his finger up inside of you while pressing down on your pelvis at the same time, causing so much pressure you feel like you are gonna pee in his face (which would be FUNNY as hell if that ever happened - lol). Then, he presses down on your boobs and rubs them all over to check for lumps, all the while asking things like "How's the weather?" or "How's your job going?", which you feel compelled to answer because, after all, that would be the polite thing to do, but at the same time you are embarassed, and find yourself staring at the ceiling, just praying for it to be over soon, because he is nearly on top of you checking out all of your naughty bits, and right in front of the nurses. It is SUCH an uncomfortable situation. And a situation I am glad I only have to go thru once a year. Unless, of course, he finds something wrong and you have to go back to have biopsies done, a thing I have gone thru before several times. All I can say is "ouch."
So, between the dentist and the gynocologist, this week has sucked a whole lot of ass. Hopefully, next week will be completely suck-free.
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Random Fact of The Day
The male anglerfish is born with no digestive system. He must find a female quickly to attach himself to or he will die.
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
Commencement Address to the College Class of 2006
"You, the members of the Class of 2006, have committed the grave tactical blunder of acquiring enough credits to graduate. So now you're leaving college and embarking on the greatest adventure - and biggest challenge - of your young lives: moving back in with your parents."
Stupid News Story of The Day
(It's death that gives it its "special taste.")
Hungary workers get shock at bottom of rum barrel
BUDAPEST (Reuters) - Hungarian builders who drank their way to the bottom of a huge barrel of rum while renovating a house got a nasty surprise when a pickled corpse tumbled out of the empty barrel, a police magazine website reported.
According to online magazine www.zsaru.hu, workers in Szeged in the south of Hungary tried to move the barrel after they had drained it, only to find it was surprisingly heavy and were shocked when the body of a naked man fell out.
The website said that the body of the man had been shipped back from Jamaica 20 years ago by his wife in the barrel of rum in order to avoid the cost and paperwork of an official return.
According to the website, workers said the rum in the 300-liter barrel had a "special taste" so they even decanted a few bottles of the liquor to take home.
The wife has since died and the man was buried in a proper grave.
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
We'll always have Paris
Well, Paris was voted off American Idol tonight. I liked her, but I knew she wouldn't win the whole thing. I felt sorry for her. I knew it was gonna be Paris and Elliot in the bottom 2. I love Elliot's voice and I am sick to death of hearing, "well, he just doesn't have the whole package." (voice and looks). So what if he is not the most handsome guy. He still can sing. And I think he can sing better than Taylor (who hasn't seen the bottom group yet - his time will come...just wait). Elliot has grown on me. I always root for him to do well.
You know what else I am sick of.....that danged "Had a Bad Day" song. I think that song wore out its welcome after the first time they played it. (Besides, I am sure the last thing the loser of the night wants to hear is "You had a bad day.")
Another thing I am sick of seeing, and this is way off the topic,( but it is MY blog so, whatevah, I do what I want), are those political ads showing politicians reading to kids and talking way too much with their hands. They try to make themselves seem so committed to the cause, and so dramatic, and that they love kids and all this bogus boloney, but I know better. People will do or say anything to get elected, and then when they do, they conveniently "forget" all of their campaign promises. Get some honesty in your campaigns. It may no be nice, but at least it will be truthful.
And was it just me or did tonight's episode of House just plain rock? I love that danged show. More House please!!! MORE HOUSE!
You know what else I am sick of.....that danged "Had a Bad Day" song. I think that song wore out its welcome after the first time they played it. (Besides, I am sure the last thing the loser of the night wants to hear is "You had a bad day.")
Another thing I am sick of seeing, and this is way off the topic,( but it is MY blog so, whatevah, I do what I want), are those political ads showing politicians reading to kids and talking way too much with their hands. They try to make themselves seem so committed to the cause, and so dramatic, and that they love kids and all this bogus boloney, but I know better. People will do or say anything to get elected, and then when they do, they conveniently "forget" all of their campaign promises. Get some honesty in your campaigns. It may no be nice, but at least it will be truthful.
And was it just me or did tonight's episode of House just plain rock? I love that danged show. More House please!!! MORE HOUSE!
Get out of my temporal lobe, House.
Well, my dentist trips are over.......for now. I got my 4th filling done this morning. Not too much pain actually. My mouth is still sore from where he stabbed me in the mouth with the novacaine shot, but other than that, it was a piece of cake. Cake...ugh. Cake = sugar. Sugar = cavities. Bad reference. (even worse is that I am drinking a cherry Dr Pepper from Sonic as I type - lol)
I have decided that I no longer like anything that tastes or smells like piña-colada. And this is all the dentist's fault. The stuff he puts in my mouth before he does the actual shot tastes and smells like piña-colada. And the novacaine itself tastes like piña-colada. Piña-colada = BAD! Me no likey!
I am officially removing Matt Leinart from my hot dudes list. You know why? Because I read that he is involved with Ms Skank Queen herself, Paris Hilton. Good lord, Mr Leinart. You can do way better than Drama Queen Hilton. I am now replacing him with Hugh Laurie. He is on top of my Hot Dudes list, and shall remain there forever (as long as he does not become involved with Skank Hilton).
Speaking of Mr Gorgeous, the episode of House last night was really, REALLY good. I am so looking forward to tonight's conclusion. But someone needs to kick Dr Foreman in the ass for what he did to Dr. Cameron. If no one else does, I will! What he did was very asshole-ish. For shame, Dr Foreman. For shame. (I know it's just a show, but it is a damned good one). There was one line in the show that just cracked me up. When Dr Foreman said, "Get out of my temporal lobe, House," I laughed my ass off. I love the dialogue in the show. It's dry. It's witty. It's just great. Watch it!
I have decided that I no longer like anything that tastes or smells like piña-colada. And this is all the dentist's fault. The stuff he puts in my mouth before he does the actual shot tastes and smells like piña-colada. And the novacaine itself tastes like piña-colada. Piña-colada = BAD! Me no likey!
I am officially removing Matt Leinart from my hot dudes list. You know why? Because I read that he is involved with Ms Skank Queen herself, Paris Hilton. Good lord, Mr Leinart. You can do way better than Drama Queen Hilton. I am now replacing him with Hugh Laurie. He is on top of my Hot Dudes list, and shall remain there forever (as long as he does not become involved with Skank Hilton).
Speaking of Mr Gorgeous, the episode of House last night was really, REALLY good. I am so looking forward to tonight's conclusion. But someone needs to kick Dr Foreman in the ass for what he did to Dr. Cameron. If no one else does, I will! What he did was very asshole-ish. For shame, Dr Foreman. For shame. (I know it's just a show, but it is a damned good one). There was one line in the show that just cracked me up. When Dr Foreman said, "Get out of my temporal lobe, House," I laughed my ass off. I love the dialogue in the show. It's dry. It's witty. It's just great. Watch it!
It was an American I-dull night
Overall, last night's American Idol was, well, dull. I did not like either of Taylor's performances, especially not his first, "Play That Funky Music." It sounded like a karaoke or wedding singer performance and was just hokey. And his second song, "Something" by The Beatles, nearly put me to sleep. Yawn.
I liked Elliot's second song, "Home," well enough. The vocals were good, but the song, borrrrrrring. I missed his first performance though (due to the lines at Wal Mart - lol).
I also missed Paris's first song. Her second song, "Be Without You," by Mary J Blige, was decent. It actually wasn't half bad. Still, I think she is going to be in the bottom 2.
Katharine started off on a bad note by singing, "Against All Odds." The runs and the weird notes and ups and downs she tried to put into the song just didn't work and it came off all wrong. I did like her second song, "Black Horse and The Cherry Tree," even though I had never heard it before. It was one of the best performances of the night.
Chris, well, he just rocked. His first song, "Renegade," was just amazing. I loved it. I was not such a big fan of the original song, but when he sang it....wow. Great job. His second song, "I Dare You" by Shinedown, was ok. Not the best. In fact, it was pretty avaerage. But his first performance was so good that it more than made up for the second song.
So, all in all, it was not a stellar night. Still, Chris rocked. I think the bottom 2 will be Paris and Elliot. I think Paris may have sang her last song on American Idol last night. I see her going home.
I liked Elliot's second song, "Home," well enough. The vocals were good, but the song, borrrrrrring. I missed his first performance though (due to the lines at Wal Mart - lol).
I also missed Paris's first song. Her second song, "Be Without You," by Mary J Blige, was decent. It actually wasn't half bad. Still, I think she is going to be in the bottom 2.
Katharine started off on a bad note by singing, "Against All Odds." The runs and the weird notes and ups and downs she tried to put into the song just didn't work and it came off all wrong. I did like her second song, "Black Horse and The Cherry Tree," even though I had never heard it before. It was one of the best performances of the night.
Chris, well, he just rocked. His first song, "Renegade," was just amazing. I loved it. I was not such a big fan of the original song, but when he sang it....wow. Great job. His second song, "I Dare You" by Shinedown, was ok. Not the best. In fact, it was pretty avaerage. But his first performance was so good that it more than made up for the second song.
So, all in all, it was not a stellar night. Still, Chris rocked. I think the bottom 2 will be Paris and Elliot. I think Paris may have sang her last song on American Idol last night. I see her going home.
Random Fact of The Day
The Mariana Trench is the deepest part of the earth. It is located in the Pacific Ocean near Japan and is 36,201 feet deep (The average depth of the Pacific Ocean is 13,740 feet deep).
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
“I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.”
Stupid News Story of The Day
(This is one of the reasons why I always use those toilet seat covers.)
Wal-Mart Worker Finds Man Glued to Toilet
SALISBURY, Md. - A 20-year-old was found by a Wal-Mart employee in the bathroom Sunday night after he sat down and was glued to the toilet seat.
The man, whose name was not released by police, was taken to the hospital late Sunday night, said Lt. Cheryl Rantz of the Salisbury Police Department.
"The man had gone into the bathroom and sat down," she said. "He was banging on the wall when the employee came in."
Rantz said the man was treated and released.
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Just when you thought it was safe ...
I went to the dentist this afternoon to get my fillings polished. Basically, it just means to make em purtier and more comfortable. No shots required. Takes a few minutes. No big thang. HA!! Well, it turns out the dentist missed doing a filling so I have to go back in tomorrow morning at 9:30 and get yet another filling done. GRRRRRRRR. This dentist thing is neverending!
What part of "illegal" do you not understand?
Ok. So yesterday was this supposed huge boycott, some call "A Day Without an Immigrant." I really didn't see much of an effect here in town, except for a few businesses closed (Los Tacos, I hate you) and a few cars displaying a Mexico flag (I also saw some cars with a US flag on them, too though). So, what's the deal? Personally, I have no problem with immigration, provided it is done LEGALLY. (hello...what part of ILLEGAL do you not get??) If you are going to come here to America and expect all of these benefits, then do it right...do it legally. People who come here illegally and expect to get benefits and then threaten to do harm to the country and the country's ecomony if they don't get their way should be packed up and sent back to their native country. I don't care if you're Mexican, Irish, German, Indian......whatever. Respect the laws of the country and represent the country you live in or get the hell out. I am positive that if I went over to Germany and demanded to be given benefits and to be treated like a German citizen, they would laugh in my face and probably put me in jail, and then deport me. There are reasons we have laws and reasons we have a process for immigrants to go thru to become legal....anyone heard of 9/11 ?? I just don't understand what right these illegal immigrants have to protest when they are here ILLEGALLY. (again....the word is ILLEGAL - look it up). I have no problem with legal permanent residents or persons who have begun the process to become legal. I say, "way to go." I give major props to anyone who has become a naturalized US citizen. That test is tough (lol). But I have no sympathy for people who are not making some sort of attempt to gain legal immigrant status, and who are sitting around expecting the US to grant them benefits and welfare and give them driver's licenses and all of the other benefits that the legal immigrants and US citizens have worked to have.
I know, some people are gonna hate me for saying that or think that I am some sort of racist or something. But to anyone who knows me, I am not a racist. I am far from it. I just think that anyone who breaks the law should be punished. And people who are here illegally have broken the law and should be given no rights. As they say, "Don't do the crime if you can't do the time." I didn't write the laws, but I respect them. And anyone who lives in this country or wants to come to this country should do the same.
There. My rant is done.
I know, some people are gonna hate me for saying that or think that I am some sort of racist or something. But to anyone who knows me, I am not a racist. I am far from it. I just think that anyone who breaks the law should be punished. And people who are here illegally have broken the law and should be given no rights. As they say, "Don't do the crime if you can't do the time." I didn't write the laws, but I respect them. And anyone who lives in this country or wants to come to this country should do the same.
There. My rant is done.
Caption This
Tim Jones and Art Jenkins demonstrate the newest trend in animal sports, "Dog-O-War."
post your own funny caption in a comment if you would like.
Random Fact of The Day
Construction on San Francisco's Golden Gate Bridge took 4 years and 3 months to complete. It was started in January 1933 and finished in April 1937.
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
A Commencement Address to the College Class of 2006
"This is your big day - the day when you jam four years' worth of unlaundered underwear into a Hefty bag and leave college, prepared by your professors to go out into the Real World. The first thing you'll notice is that your professors did not go out there with you. They're not stupid; that's why they're professors. They've figured out that college is a carefree place where the most serious problem is finding a legal parking space. So your professors are going to stay in college until they die. Even then, they'll go right on teaching classes. This is called 'tenure.'"
Stupid News Story of The Day
(If it's yellow, let it mellow.)
London mayor Livingstone in no rush to flush
LONDON (AFP) - London mayor Ken Livingstone has lifted the lid on his toilet habits, revealing he has not flushed the loo in 15 months.
Livingstone said there was "no earthly reason" to bother if there was just urine in the bowl, he said Tuesday.
He said people were misguided about what urine actually is -- and said bluebottles steer well clear of his.
The mayor flushed out any misconceptions and tried to spark a chain reaction as he urged Londoners to waste less water when getting rid of their own waste.
"Red Ken" said it was all based on the old adage "if it's yellow, let it mellow" and advised gardeners to fill up a bucket and hurl it on the plants as the region around London suffers its worst drought for a century.
"If we continue to waste the amount of water that we do, London will run out of water," Livingstone, 61, told The Independent newspaper.
"A third of all the water you use you flush down the loo, and actually there is no earthly reason that you need to flush the loo if you have merely urinated. That's a huge saving of water.
"The experiment in my home, which is now into its second year, has been a success. We continues with it right through the summer and never once did a great bluebottle come into the bathroom.
"After all, why would a bluebottle with to slurp up a little bit of nitrogenous waste? It has no nutritional value at all. It's just that people have a perception that their urine is some sort of liquid form of their excreta.
"A lot of gardeners put their urine in a bucket and actually use it. Plant roots love it."
Monday, May 01, 2006
Happy birthday Arlene!
"Arlene, you may be another year older, but just say:
(did I spell anything wrong this time, Spell Check Nazi??? hehe)
(did I spell anything wrong this time, Spell Check Nazi??? hehe)
I got a clock!!!
Well, over the weekend I went to Las Vegas. Not to gamble, but to sight-see. I checked out Valley of Fire State Park, Red Rock Canyon National Conservation Area, Kyle Canyon/Spring Mountain area, Lake Mead, and the Hoover Dam. I posted pics and a narration on my other blog. Click HERE to check it out. Valley of Fire State Park was just awesome. The rocks and hikes and wildflowers were amazing! But, I don't think it is a place that anyone with my whiter-than-white skin should visit after mid-April, unless you douse yourself with SPF 200 sunscreen. It was HOT! After I got home yesterday, I was dog-tired from the drive and all the walking, and HOT. At the stop in Baker, CA, it was 104 degrees. Damn hot! Plus, there were 2 big accidents on the I-15 on the way home, which caused some major traffic delays.
Well, I got my award for employee of the month today. I got a certificate, a killer-cool clock (it has my name engraved on it and everything), and a pin. And of course, the parking space for a month It was just so nice of my supervisors to nominate me. I was really touched by all the nice things they had to say about me (ME of all people!!!). People kept coming up to me to say congrats...some people I didn't even know. It was so nice!! All of this praise is gonna go to my head (And what happened then? At the OC, they say, Kim's small ego grew three sizes that day!) My ego has been inflated. Oh boy. Watch out!
Well, I got my award for employee of the month today. I got a certificate, a killer-cool clock (it has my name engraved on it and everything), and a pin. And of course, the parking space for a month It was just so nice of my supervisors to nominate me. I was really touched by all the nice things they had to say about me (ME of all people!!!). People kept coming up to me to say congrats...some people I didn't even know. It was so nice!! All of this praise is gonna go to my head (And what happened then? At the OC, they say, Kim's small ego grew three sizes that day!) My ego has been inflated. Oh boy. Watch out!
Random Fact of The Day
The Gila Monster and the Mexican Beaded Lizard were thought to be the only 2 species of lizards that were venemous. But recent discoveries have shown that iguanas and monitor lizards also produce venom.
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
Rudeness Rules
"At a movie theater, you may save seats for a few people if the theater is not crowded. If the theater is crowded, you may save seats only if the people you're saving them for are on the premises, defined as 'in the building or the parking lot.' If the previews of coming attractions have started, and the theater is filling up, and you're still defending seats for theoretical people who have not yet arrived, and an actual, physical person attempts to sit down, and you hiss, 'That's saved,' and the person 'accidentally' trips and spills that stanky movie-theater nacho cheese all over your hair, and you press assault charges, and we get to serve on the jury, we're voting for acquittal."
Stupid News Story of The Day
(It gives you wiiiiiiiings!)
Thieves Steal Trailer Filled With Red Bull
DYERSBURG, Tenn. - A trailer containing $100,000 worth of Red Bull energy drinks seemingly grew wings.
A truck driver reported last weekend that his 53-foot trailer containing 2,880 cases of the energy drink was stolen.
Geoffrey Winchester said he parked the truck on Old Highway 51. According to the Dyer County Sheriff's Department, another truck must have pulled the trailer away from the truck and hauled off the load Sunday.
The truck's window had been broken and its satellite tracking system disabled, making the thief's flight untraceable. In its commercials, Red Bull claims that it "gives you wings!"
A trailer containing $100,000 worth of Kraft sauces also was stolen in Dyersburg on Monday, authorities said. The trailer was recovered by police in Ohio Monday night, but all the sauce was gone.
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