Friday, August 18, 2006
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
"Florida motorist Damara Hutchins wrote me recently, noting the annoying behavior of certain motorists, especially the ones who drift along in the left, or 'passing,' lane, mile after clueless mile, never passing anybody, and also never noticing the line of motorists behind them flashing their lights, honking their horns, making explicit hand gestures, firing marine flares, etc. This is not a problem in Europe. If you get into the passing lane in Europe, you'd better pass immediately and get back over, because otherwise you will need surgery to have Ferrari grill shards removed from your buttocks."
Stupid News Story of The Day
(Well, there could be worse places to be stuck.)
Man trapped waist-deep in chocolate
KENOSHA, Wis. - It might sound like a chocoholic's dream, but stepping into a vat of chocolate became a two-hour nightmare for a 21-year-old man Friday morning.
The man, an employee of a Kenosha company that supplies chocolate ingredients, told police he got into the tank at Debelis Corp. to unplug it and became trapped waist-deep in the chocolate.
"It was pretty thick. It was virtually like quicksand," said Police Capt. Randy Berner.
Co-workers, police and firefighters tried to free the man but couldn't get him loose until the chocolate was thinned out. Berner said the worker was taken to a hospital for treatment of minor injuries.
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Your name in Russian
This is pretty cool... click on the link below to try it out.
Ignore all the crazy Russian on the site, just type your name in the
box and click to see what your name looks like in Russian ... very
impressive!
CLICK HERE
If you can't click on it, copy & paste. This is really really cool.
Ignore all the crazy Russian on the site, just type your name in the
box and click to see what your name looks like in Russian ... very
impressive!
CLICK HERE
If you can't click on it, copy & paste. This is really really cool.
Random Fact of The Day
About twenty-five percent of the population sneeze when they are exposed to light.
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
"The plot of Godzilla vs. Mothra involves the arrival in Japan of a giant egg, and two really annoying singing telepathic fairies who have come to Japan to ... OK, it's too complicated to explain the plot here. Just rent the movie, OK? Be sure to watch the climactic final battle between Godzilla and - I am not making this up - two enormous moth larvae. When you watch this battle, you will understand why moth larvae are so often referred to as 'the mighty fierce warriors of the animal kingdom."
Stupid News Story of The Day
(Let's do something stupid, then broadcast it over the internet!)
Firefighters suspended for tumble dryer stunt
LONDON (Reuters) - Four firefighters were suspended by their force on Wednesday over a stunt which saw one of the men spun around in a tumble dryer at their fire station.
The prank, which was filmed on a mobile phone and later broadcast on the Internet, shows one of the officers at Blackley fire station in Manchester climbing into the dryer and padding it with clothes.
The machine is then turned on and he spins around inside a few times while his laughing colleagues look on.
The firefighter then emerges looking dizzy.
"Due to the serious nature of the incident, the decision has been taken to suspend them until the outcome of a disciplinary hearing," said Greater Manchester's Deputy County Fire Officer Tony Proctor.
Media reports said the officer shown in the footage had apologised for his behaviour and would be complying fully with the internal investigation.
Footage of the incident can be viewed at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Jnam-gkSrI
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Funny Stuff FRom Dave Barry
"Men: You know how, when your wife can’t open a pickle jar, she gives it to you, and you’re supposed to smile in a manly patronizing way as you effortlessly twist it open? That’s not what happens in our house. What happens is, after a grim struggle lasting several minutes, I wind up lying on the kitchen floor, exhausted and whimpering, while the pickle jar, unopened, laughs and flirts boldly with my wife. Sometimes it gives me a wedgie. "
Stupid News Story of The Day
(Baa, baa bad sheep!)
Australian farmers called to report ugly sheep
SYDNEY (Reuters) - Australian scientists have called on the country's farmers to report any ugly sheep found in their flocks.
A campaign called "Xtreme sheep" aims to study sheep with undesirable wool features to unlock the genetic makeup of the prized merino and ensure production of its high quality fleece.
The South Australian Research and Development Institute (SARDI) said on Tuesday its search for "Australia's ugliest merino lambs" may hold the key to securing the nation's A$2.8 billion (US$2.1 billion) wool industry.
The institute said ugly lambs -- with uneven wool, strange fibers, clumps of wool that fall out, bare patches, no wool, or highly wrinkled skin -- are usually culled by farmers.
"Before sending them to the abattoir, we'd like farmers to talk to us first, because studying animals with extreme features offers one of the most efficient ways to find good genes that can impact on certain wool traits," said project leader Simon Bawden.
"It might seem a paradox that ugly wool may be good, but when looking through a genetic profile, the random genetic mistakes act like a flag, speeding up our search to finding genes critical to wool formation and synthesis," Bawden told reporters
The institute hopes to the DNA study will lead to improvements in Australia's merino wool, making it stretchier, less scratchy, shinier and easier to spin, and better able to compete against synthetic fibers.
So far only 10 ugly sheep have been found this lambing season, which stretches from April to September, when statistically there could be hundreds, said the institute.
A day without a headache is a good day
I have returned from the land of the migraine. I went home from work around noon yesterday. I got home, got into my pj's, took out my contacts and layed down on my couch with a blanket over my head (nice picture, huh - lol) and slept til about 6 pm. But I still had a headache last night when I went to bed and was so afraid that I would still have one this morning. Luckily, it had gone, but I can feel it coming back. If it just stays at a nice, dull throb, it will be tolerable enough. But yesterday, ugh, that just plain sucked. You would think that me, having arthritis and fibromyalgia, that I would be used to pain and would make me more tolerable of it. Well, that is not the case. I think it has made me even more of a wimp as far as pain is concerned - lol. Screw pain!
I just hope I never, ever get another migraine. I know that won't happen, but I can wish, can't I?
Anyway, here's a little bit of fun.... go HERE to check out what happened on your birthday. Here is what mine said:
4 April 1972
Your date of conception was on or about 13 July 1971 which was a Tuesday.
You were born on a Tuesday
under the astrological sign Aries.
Your Life path number is 9.
Life Path Compatibility:
You are most compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 3, 6 & 9.
You should get along well with those with the Life Path numbers 1 & 5.
You may or may not get along well with those with the Life Path numbers 2, 7 & 11.
You are least compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 4, 8 & 22.
The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2441411.5.
The golden number for 1972 is 16.
The epact number for 1972 is 14.
The year 1972 was a leap year.
Your birthday falls into the Chinese year beginning 2/15/1972 and ending 2/2/1973.
You were born in the Chinese year of the Rat.
Your Native American Zodiac sign is Hawk; your plant is Dandelion.
You were born in the Egyptian month of Paony, the second month of the season of Shomu (Harvest).
Your date of birth on the Hebrew calendar is 20 Nisan 5732.
The date of Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 2 April 1972.
The date of Orthodox Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 9 April 1972.
The date of Ash Wednesday (the first day of Lent) on your birth year was Wednesday 16 February 1972.
The date of Whitsun (Pentecost Sunday) in the year of your birth was Sunday 21 May 1972.
The date of Whisuntide in the year of your birth was Sunday 28 May 1972.
The date of Rosh Hashanah in the year of your birth was Saturday, 9 September 1972.
The date of Passover in the year of your birth was Thursday, 30 March 1972.
The date of Mardi Gras on your birth year was Tuesday 15 February 1972.
As of 8/15/2006 11:57:02 AM EDT
You are 34 years old.
You are 412 months old.
You are 1,793 weeks old.
You are 12,551 days old.
You are 301,235 hours old.
You are 18,074,157 minutes old.
You are 1,084,449,422 seconds old.
Celebrities who share your birthday:
Jamie Lynn Spears (1991) Heath Ledger (1979) David Blaine (1973)
Nancy McKeon (1966) Robert Downey, Jr. (1965) David Gavurin (1963)
Christine Lahti (1950) Craig T. Nelson (1946) Anthony Perkins (1932)
Maya Angelou (1928) Muddy Waters (1915) Frances Langford (1914)
John Cameron Swayze (1906) Arthur Murray (1895)
Your age is the equivalent of a dog that is 4.91232876712329 years old. (You're still chasing cats!)
There are 232 days till your next birthday
on which your cake will have 35 candles.
Those 35 candles produce 35 BTUs,
or 8,820 calories of heat (that's only 8.8200 food Calories!) .
You can boil 4.00 US ounces of water with that many candles.
In 1972 there were approximately 3.7 million births in the US.
In 1972 the US population was approximately 203,302,031 people, 57.4 persons per square mile.
In 1972 in the US there were approximately 2,158,802 marriages (10.6%) and 708,000 divorces (3.5%)
In 1972 in the US there were approximately 1,921,000 deaths (9.5 per 1000)
In the US a new person is born approximately every 8 seconds.
In the US one person dies approximately every 12 seconds.
In 1972 the population of Australia was approximately 13,409,288.
In 1972 there were approximately 264,969 births in Australia.
In 1972 in Australia there were approximately 114,029 marriages and 15,655 divorces.
In 1972 in Australia there were approximately 109,760 deaths.
Your birthstone is Diamond
The Mystical properties of Diamond
Diamonds are said to increase personal clarity to help one see things clearly as well as be straight-forward and honest. Supposedly, the higher quality the diamond, the better it is supports these qualities.
Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewelers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources)
Opal, Quartz, White Sapphire
Your birth tree is
Rowan, the Sensitivity
Full of charm, cheerful, gifted, without egoism, likes to draw attention, loves life, motion, unrest and even complications, is both dependent and independent, good taste, artistic, passionate, emotional, good company, does not forgive.
There are 132 days till Christmas 2006!
There are 145 days till Orthodox Christmas!
The moon's phase on the day you were
born was waning gibbous.
Not very exciting stuff, but interesting enough.
I just hope I never, ever get another migraine. I know that won't happen, but I can wish, can't I?
Anyway, here's a little bit of fun.... go HERE to check out what happened on your birthday. Here is what mine said:
4 April 1972
Your date of conception was on or about 13 July 1971 which was a Tuesday.
You were born on a Tuesday
under the astrological sign Aries.
Your Life path number is 9.
Life Path Compatibility:
You are most compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 3, 6 & 9.
You should get along well with those with the Life Path numbers 1 & 5.
You may or may not get along well with those with the Life Path numbers 2, 7 & 11.
You are least compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 4, 8 & 22.
The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2441411.5.
The golden number for 1972 is 16.
The epact number for 1972 is 14.
The year 1972 was a leap year.
Your birthday falls into the Chinese year beginning 2/15/1972 and ending 2/2/1973.
You were born in the Chinese year of the Rat.
Your Native American Zodiac sign is Hawk; your plant is Dandelion.
You were born in the Egyptian month of Paony, the second month of the season of Shomu (Harvest).
Your date of birth on the Hebrew calendar is 20 Nisan 5732.
The date of Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 2 April 1972.
The date of Orthodox Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 9 April 1972.
The date of Ash Wednesday (the first day of Lent) on your birth year was Wednesday 16 February 1972.
The date of Whitsun (Pentecost Sunday) in the year of your birth was Sunday 21 May 1972.
The date of Whisuntide in the year of your birth was Sunday 28 May 1972.
The date of Rosh Hashanah in the year of your birth was Saturday, 9 September 1972.
The date of Passover in the year of your birth was Thursday, 30 March 1972.
The date of Mardi Gras on your birth year was Tuesday 15 February 1972.
As of 8/15/2006 11:57:02 AM EDT
You are 34 years old.
You are 412 months old.
You are 1,793 weeks old.
You are 12,551 days old.
You are 301,235 hours old.
You are 18,074,157 minutes old.
You are 1,084,449,422 seconds old.
Celebrities who share your birthday:
Jamie Lynn Spears (1991) Heath Ledger (1979) David Blaine (1973)
Nancy McKeon (1966) Robert Downey, Jr. (1965) David Gavurin (1963)
Christine Lahti (1950) Craig T. Nelson (1946) Anthony Perkins (1932)
Maya Angelou (1928) Muddy Waters (1915) Frances Langford (1914)
John Cameron Swayze (1906) Arthur Murray (1895)
Your age is the equivalent of a dog that is 4.91232876712329 years old. (You're still chasing cats!)
There are 232 days till your next birthday
on which your cake will have 35 candles.
Those 35 candles produce 35 BTUs,
or 8,820 calories of heat (that's only 8.8200 food Calories!) .
You can boil 4.00 US ounces of water with that many candles.
In 1972 there were approximately 3.7 million births in the US.
In 1972 the US population was approximately 203,302,031 people, 57.4 persons per square mile.
In 1972 in the US there were approximately 2,158,802 marriages (10.6%) and 708,000 divorces (3.5%)
In 1972 in the US there were approximately 1,921,000 deaths (9.5 per 1000)
In the US a new person is born approximately every 8 seconds.
In the US one person dies approximately every 12 seconds.
In 1972 the population of Australia was approximately 13,409,288.
In 1972 there were approximately 264,969 births in Australia.
In 1972 in Australia there were approximately 114,029 marriages and 15,655 divorces.
In 1972 in Australia there were approximately 109,760 deaths.
Your birthstone is Diamond
The Mystical properties of Diamond
Diamonds are said to increase personal clarity to help one see things clearly as well as be straight-forward and honest. Supposedly, the higher quality the diamond, the better it is supports these qualities.
Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewelers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources)
Opal, Quartz, White Sapphire
Your birth tree is
Rowan, the Sensitivity
Full of charm, cheerful, gifted, without egoism, likes to draw attention, loves life, motion, unrest and even complications, is both dependent and independent, good taste, artistic, passionate, emotional, good company, does not forgive.
There are 132 days till Christmas 2006!
There are 145 days till Orthodox Christmas!
The moon's phase on the day you were
born was waning gibbous.
Not very exciting stuff, but interesting enough.
Caption This!
Ok. This whole "big sunglasses" trend has gone too far!
Post your own funny caption in a comment if you wanna.
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
"I can tell from the perceptive way you're reading these words that you truly are above average in driving skills. So am I, of course. I took drivers education at Pleasantville (New York) High School; we did our road training in a 1962 Plymouth Inertia, creeping around greater Pleasantville at minus two miles per hour, signaling our turns, and always maintaining a Safe Following Distance. This class taught me many important driving lessons, the main one being that if you ever find yourself stuck behind a drivers-ed car, you MUST get past it, no matter how many innocent lives you endanger."
Stupid News Story of The Day
(Must....have....cheese!)
Border cops nab cheese smuggler
PHOENIX, Arizona (Reuters) - Puzzled U.S. border police arrested a Mexican smuggler with 88 pounds (40-kg) of cheese hidden in a special compartment in his truck, police said on Friday.
Customs and Border Protection spokesman Roger Maier said officers at the port of entry in Columbus, New Mexico, referred a Chevrolet pickup for a routine secondary examination on Wednesday.
Officers using an X-ray machine saw the outline of 16 bulky packages stashed in a secret compartment behind the seat, which they initially believed were packets containing illicit drugs.
"Generally if you see something (with the X-ray machine) you expect it to be narcotics, but this turned out to be cheese," Maier told Reuters by telephone.
Officers regularly impound drugs including marijuana, heroin and cocaine at border crossings from Mexico, although Maier said the smuggled cheese haul was unusual.
"It looks like it was destined for people who wanted a taste of the old country," he added.
Police arrested the 38-year-old driver, seized the cheese and confiscated the truck because he failed to declare his cargo.
In 2003, border police in the area impounded nearly 800 pounds (360 kg) of bologna as it was being smuggled across the border from Mexico.
Monday, August 14, 2006
Just another migraine Monday
I am in a bad mood.
It is Monday. That alone is enough to cause a bad mood, but I also have a migraine. That puts me in a shiteous mood. I am ready to go crazy right about now. The only thing keeping my level of sanity at a comfortable level is the fact that I am keeping my mind preoccupied by writing this blog. If I stop writing, there is only the pain left. So, one can guess that when I stop writing, I will be, in fact, insane.
Be afraid. Be very afraid.
And if there are typos, then screw it. I don't care about 'em. This isn't English class. This is a migraine-induced blog, therefore, it will probably make no sense. Deal with it. If you want, you can spell-check it for me, and I will fix it later. More like, I will read your little spell-checking comments and laugh....laugh....laugh ...and then bitch about how people have nothing better to do than to correct my spelling.
This headache started yesterday morning. I woke up with a headache, took some Advil, and was fine until about 6 pm, when the damned thing came back. I took Tylenol PM before I went to bed, but when I woke up this morning, the damned thing had come back. And it had upgraded in status to a migraine. How do I know it is a migraine? Well, I can't stand the light right now, which is why I am not looking at the monitor (thus the potential for typos, but we covered that subject alreay, so let's move forward, shall we?). I am also feeling pukey. I feel like if I stand up, I will surely puke, and no one wants that....especially me. Not only that, but every little sound is annoying me...especially the sound of someone's laugh...no, not every person's laugh, jyust one person in particular. Ugh. It is just sooooo annoying!
I feel like absolute crapola, which is why I will probably go home after my supervisor gets back. I just want to lie in a dark room with no noise and sleep...oh blessed sleep. I have already taken 2 Advil and my migraine seems worse than ever. I am cursed. Some people are cursed with bad skin or excess body hair. I am cursed with headaches. I should buy stock in Advil. Hell, with as much Advil as I buy, they should at least give me a discount.
I am through writing now. Let the insanity commence.
It is Monday. That alone is enough to cause a bad mood, but I also have a migraine. That puts me in a shiteous mood. I am ready to go crazy right about now. The only thing keeping my level of sanity at a comfortable level is the fact that I am keeping my mind preoccupied by writing this blog. If I stop writing, there is only the pain left. So, one can guess that when I stop writing, I will be, in fact, insane.
Be afraid. Be very afraid.
And if there are typos, then screw it. I don't care about 'em. This isn't English class. This is a migraine-induced blog, therefore, it will probably make no sense. Deal with it. If you want, you can spell-check it for me, and I will fix it later. More like, I will read your little spell-checking comments and laugh....laugh....laugh ...and then bitch about how people have nothing better to do than to correct my spelling.
This headache started yesterday morning. I woke up with a headache, took some Advil, and was fine until about 6 pm, when the damned thing came back. I took Tylenol PM before I went to bed, but when I woke up this morning, the damned thing had come back. And it had upgraded in status to a migraine. How do I know it is a migraine? Well, I can't stand the light right now, which is why I am not looking at the monitor (thus the potential for typos, but we covered that subject alreay, so let's move forward, shall we?). I am also feeling pukey. I feel like if I stand up, I will surely puke, and no one wants that....especially me. Not only that, but every little sound is annoying me...especially the sound of someone's laugh...no, not every person's laugh, jyust one person in particular. Ugh. It is just sooooo annoying!
I feel like absolute crapola, which is why I will probably go home after my supervisor gets back. I just want to lie in a dark room with no noise and sleep...oh blessed sleep. I have already taken 2 Advil and my migraine seems worse than ever. I am cursed. Some people are cursed with bad skin or excess body hair. I am cursed with headaches. I should buy stock in Advil. Hell, with as much Advil as I buy, they should at least give me a discount.
I am through writing now. Let the insanity commence.
Random Fact of The Day
Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch procejt at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosnt mttaer waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe!
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
"Time and again, in my house, when we're cleaning up after dinner, there will be, say, a small clump of uneaten string beans, and I'll have it poised over the garbage, and my wife will lunge for it like a person rescuing a baby from a wood chipper, saying, 'Those will be good for leftovers!' She'll carefully seal the string beans in a plastic container and put them in the refrigerator, as if she truly believes that sometime in the near future an actual human in our household will say, 'Dang! I could really chow down on some old string beans!' Now fast-forward about a month, when my wife, passing the refrigerator, detects an odor molecule. So she takes out the plastic container and discovers that EWWW the string beans have been replaced by alien space worms with inch-long blue fur. Which of course she hurls into the garbage, which as you may recall is exactly where I tried to throw them a month earlier."
Stupid News Story of The Day
(Sometimes, when you gotta go, you should just hold it.)
Man picks wrong spot when nature calls
CHARLESTON, W.Va. - Sometimes when nature calls, there's no time to delay, but a Kentucky man sure picked the wrong spot for a pit stop.
Michael Ray Hunter, 37, found out Wednesday night that the parking lot of the West Virginia State Police headquarters in South Charleston isn't the right spot.
Trooper J.S. Crane just happened to be walking nearby as Hunter was relieving himself.
As Crane approached, he smelled alcohol. That discovery led Crane to the truck where Hunter's friend, James Alan Richardson, 40, was checking phone messages.
During a search of the pickup, Crane and another trooper found a marijuana pipe and pills for which Richardson had no prescription.
Both men were arrested for public intoxication. Hunter also is charged with indecent exposure and Richardson is charged with possessing controlled substances.
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