Me, defined

Kimberly -- [adjective]: Visually addictive 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Phobia of The Day

Mycophobia: fear of mushrooms.

Random Fact of The Day

There is a giant mushroom in Oregon that is over 2,400 years old, covers 3.4 square miles of land, and is still growing.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"No amount of physical evidence will convince a bad driver that her or she is a bad driver. You take a motorist who, while attempting to pull out of a parking space, mistakes 'forward' for 'reverse,' then, in an effort to correct this error, mistakes the accelerator for the brake and sends his car (an Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme) lunging across a sidewalk and into a restaurant, attaining a speed of thirty-seven mile per hour by the time it rams the salad bar and is engulfed by a wave of the house dressing (a creamy Italian). Even as the paramedics are tweezing chickpeas from the ears of this motorist, he will loudly insist that (a) the restaurant was not there before; and (b) there are PLENTY of people on the road who does not drive as well as he does."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Sorry. Wrong number.)

ATM robbers yank out the wrong machine

KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia - Three would-be thieves broke into a bank in northern Malaysia but failed to make off with any cash as they yanked out the wrong machine — a check deposit machine instead of an automated cash dispenser, the national news agency Bernama reported Wednesday.

The three men broke into the entrance area of the bank in the northern town of Bukit Mertajam early Wednesday, and tied a rope — attached to two vehicles — around a machine, police district investigation chief Chor Ah Sing said, according to Bernama.

They jerked the machine off its hinges, sending it crashing to the ground floor, Chor added.

The crashing sound alerted a security guard to the breach who chased them away, it said.

The three men had already managed to open the machine, but found no cash as it was a check deposit machine, the national news agency said. It is not immediately clear if they made off with any checks.

Local police officials could not be immediately contacted for comment.

Hooked on TV

I keep thinking it is Tuesday, but it is, in fact, Wednesday. Normally, I would be happy about it being Hump Day, but I just got asked to make baby shower favors for a baby shower which is gonna be on Saturday, so I basically just have tonight and tomorrow to print, cut and put together 40 paper baby booties. No pressure there! It, of course, would be way easier to just go out and buy some, but I am the creative type you know. Sometimes being creative is such a freakin' curse. Plus, I am cheap.

I am hooked on a new show. Well, it isn't NEW, but is is new to me, since I don't have Showtime (see aforementioned comment about me being cheap). It is a series called Dead Like Me, and it is superrific! It comes on the Sci-Fi Channel at 7 & 8 pm on Tuesdays. It is all about this young woman named George who gets hit by the falling toilet seat from the space station Mir and gets killed. Not only does she die in a most embarassing way, she now has to take on the duties of a Grim Reaper in her afterlife, a task which she is most unhappy about. She has to deal with her overbearing grim reaper boss, Rube (played by Mandy Patinkin, who is fantastic in this role), and her obnoxious boss at her regular job....yes, the undead have to hold down jobs just like the living. It is hilarious! I want to buy the DVD's now - lol.

Ugh. I am getting so many grey hairs. I need to color my hair again but I am just too lazy. Besides, if I think of the grey hairs as natural highlights, then it sounds a lot better.

Some new movies are coming out soon that I want to see. Gotta see Pulse, since it is a remake of Kairo, the Japanese original. I am a huge fan of Japanese horror films. I just love their creepiness factor. The Grudge 2 is coming out on October 13th. I liked the first one ok enough, but the Japanese version (Ju-On) was better...way creepier. But the sequel has Sam Raimi as a producer, and everyone knows I LOVE Sam Raimi's work. And the director, Takashi Shimizu, is the same guy who directed the 1st one. Maybe he will be able to get that creepiness factor back, since it was lost in the 1st one. The trailer looks promising at least. And then there's The Wicker Man, another remake of an old horror film. But I wonder why they are gonna remake that one since the original was so good. Everyone knows what happens when Hollywood tries to remake good films...remember the remake of Psycho?? Of course there is also the much-hyped Snakes On A Plane. I wonder how that one will turn out. I would like to see The Descent and Little Miss Sunshine and Clerks 2 (no, I haven't made it to the theatre to see it yet). Gosh, I am coming up with a long list! I just ordered a movie called Audition. Yes, it is a Japanese horror film. I am so obsessed.

Phobia of The Day

Ailurophobia: fear of cats

Random Fact of The Day

Catgut comes from sheep not cats.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"How do you rate yourself as a driver? No, that's a stupid question. You rate yourself above average. It's a well-known fact that all humans consider themselves to be above-average drivers, including primitive Amazonian tribespeople who have not yet discovered the wheel."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Thou shall not use thou bible to smuggle cocaine to thou jailed husband.)

Woman sentenced for Bible coke smuggling

HUNTINGTON, Ind. - There was more than Good News in Amy Duckworth's Bible. Duckworth, 28, was sentenced Monday to six months in prison for smuggling cocaine to her jailed husband inside two Bibles.

Judge Pro Tem Tom Hakes gave her four years each on two charges of trafficking with an inmate, and ordered her to serve 90 days on each count. The remainder of both terms will be served as probation.

Duckworth, who has three children, does not have a criminal history.

"When I committed this offense, I wasn't thinking about my children," she said, reading from a written statement. "It only took one time to learn a lesson."

Duckworth had admitted to placing bags of cocaine in the spines of two Bibles and having them delivered in March to her husband, Anthony Duckworth, who was in jail on a misdemeanor charge of visiting a common nuisance.

___

Information from: The Huntington Herald-Press, http://www.h-ponline.com

How soon is too soon?

I am sick of hearing how it is "too soon" to be releasing a movie like The World Trade Center. Just how soon is "too soon?" 1 year? 5 years? 10 years? 100 years? Yes, it was a terrible tragedy. Yes, it resulted in the loss of many people's lives. Yes, it left many children without mothers and/or fathers, and it crippled our country's spirit. But life must go on. I know a lot of people may want to bitch-slap me for this, but I think it is a good idea that this movie was made, and I, for one, want to see it.

Before 9/11, people were so indifferent to each other. Before all of that happened, if you were lying, bleeding in the street, people would just walk past you. Indeed the events of 9/11 were a tragedy, but it also showed the nation that we could rise above. What happened during 9/11 is that people banded together to help one another. It took a terrible tragedy to make us come together and work together. What is wrong with making a movie celebrating the human spirit? Nothing, as far as I can see.

The movie is about 2 men who went back into the World Trade Center to help rescue people and, in turn, got trapped themselves when the building collapsed. It is the story of the rescue effort to free the trapped police officers. The movie is their story. It is a story of heroism and survival. Just because 9/11 was a tragedy does it mean that these men's story cannot be told? I know I haven't seen the movie, but from what I have heard, the movie does more to focus on the rescue efforts than the actual tragedy of 9/11. The movie's main interest is in showing how people can rise above tragedy to help their fellow man. I don't see anything wrong with that.

But then, a lot of people will. But to them I say, if you don't want to see it, then don't. It is as easy as that.

But, please, don't bitch-slap me.

Caption This!

James Larsen, 24, demonstrates his theory on how Jesus walked on water.

post your own funny caption in a comment if you wanna.

Phobia of The Day

Batrachophobia: Fear of amphibians, such as frogs, newts, salamanders, etc.

Random Fact of The Day

A group of frogs is called an army.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"Does anyone know why, when we explain human sexuality to young people, we refer to it as 'the birds and the bees?' I have never once seen a bird OR a bee have sex. I don't believe that, organwise, bird or bees have any equipment they can have sex WITH. It seems to me that if we're going to use animals to explain human sexuality to youngsters, we should pick a species whose anatomy and behavior at least vaguely resembles ours. So when your child - let's say his name is Billy - reached a certain age, instead of 'the birds and the bees,' you'd have a little talk with him about, let's say, 'the dogs.' You'd say, 'Billy, the male dog wants to have sex pretty much all the time with pretty much every female dog on the entire planet, or, if no female is available, with another male dog, or the nearest human shin, or any low-lying furniture. Whereas the female dog ... Billy? Come back here!' But Billy is gone, because he already knows all about human sexuality, from watching HBO."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Oh, what some people won't do for a homegrown tomato.)

Cops: Man stabs 2 in tomato theft attempt

DES MOINES, Iowa - A man faces robbery and assault charges after allegedly stabbing two homeowners who chased him when he tried to steal tomatoes from their garden on Saturday.

Police said Elmer Pace, 53, was eventually caught by Mark and Mick Daggy after fleeing on a bicycle. Police said Pace stabbed Mark Daggy in the left side and slashed Mick Daggy across the wrist.

When officers arrived at the scene, Pace was being held down on the ground.

Mark Daggy was treated at Mercy Medical Center while Pace was taken the Broadlawns Medical Center for treatment of his injuries.

We don't need no stinkin' labels!

For a Monday, today is not too bad. Had an ok weekend. Just spent it doing some shopping and a whole lot of relaxing.

I was watching TV last night and found myself being annoyed at all of those stupid parental warnings they show on every friggin' program. I don't have kids myself (although the issue of whether or not I am, in fact, just a big kid, is still being debated) so why should I be subjected to these lame things? So there's some profanity. So what? Does it really matter whether I say "shit" or "fecal matter"? I know for a fact "fecal matter" does not get bleeped out on tv, yet "fecal matter" and "shit" mean the same thing. Frankly, "fecal matter" sounds a lot more disgusting than "shit." But why are only certain programs subject to these "parental control" thingy-ma-bobs? Hell, if South Park has some lame TV-MA rating on it, then I want to see the 6 o'clock news get some of those ratings, too. Lord knows there is more violence on the news than anywhere else. And while they're at it, let's start putting some "stupid" ratings on programs. Like TV-IQ (watching this program may lower your IQ), TV-ICBIWT (I can't believe I'm watching this), or TV-MTV (moron television - a rating for every program they show on MTV), and TV-TTC (turn the channel - especially useful for Steven Seagal movies). They should also have stupidity labels for music. If they had invented them, it would have saved the world from the likes of The Spice Girls, Britney Spears and Michael Bolton.

If we are going to label everything, why not do it right?

Phobia of The Day

Ligyrophobia: fear of loud noises

Random Fact of The Day

A lion's roar can be heard from more than five miles away.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

Quiz To Determine What Type of TV You Need

Question 1: Are you a male?

HOW TO SCORE: If you answered 'yes,' then the type of TV you need is what is known technically as a 'bigger TV than the one you have.' A true man cannot own a TV that is too large. Even as you read these words, there's a guy somewhere who just bought a TV with a screen the size of a regulation volleyball court, a screen which a human nostril looks like the entrance to the Lincoln Tunnel. This guy is standing in his family room - which had to be enlarged for this TV - and he's looking at the screen, and he WANTS to be satisfied with it, but he's troubled by the nagging suspicion that, somewhere in America, in another family room, there's a guy who has a bigger diagonal.

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Looking for love in all the wrong places...)

Woman seeking 'cute cop' gets probation

HILLSBORO, Ore. - A woman who called 911 in hopes of getting another look at "the cutest cop I've seen in God knows how long" won't go to jail for misusing the emergency system, a judge decided.

Instead, Lorna Dudash was sentenced to serve two years of probation and 100 hours of community service, and pay $693 in fines and fees.

"People who are, oh, say, older than 7 know not to use 911 except when where is an emergency," Washington County Judge Marco Hernandez told Dudash, of Aloha.

Dudash's dream deputy came to her door June 15, along with another officer, to tell her to turn down her music. Afterward, Dudash called emergency dispatchers.

"I'm 45 years old and I'd just like to meet him again, but I don't know how to go about doing that without calling 911," she said.

The deputy went back, to arrest her.

Dudash was sentenced Thursday after pleading guilty. She faced a possible yearlong sentence a fine of more than $6,000.