Caption This!

Paula said that George's performance was a little pitchy, but he still had some raw potential yet to be tapped. However, Simon said his performance was "hideous" and "boring" and was a "monumental waste of time."

Post your own funny caption in a comment if you wanna.

Yesterday sucked

Yesterday, I left work early with a migraine. I hate those SO much. I felt like such crap until like 9 pm last night. I feel better this morning, but I took an Advil this morning just to be safe. I don't want that blasted headache to return.

I gave Taylor Hicks some new hair colors yesterday, so today I thought, just to be fair, I would give Katharine and Chris new hair colors and styles too. Check em out...

Blonde Katharine



Katharine with gray hair



Chris with black hair








Chris as a brunette



Chris with gray hair



I dunno. I think Chris looks better bald - lol.

This Clairol.com site is so much fun - lol

Phobia of The Day

Cyberphobia: fear of computers

Random Fact of The Day

Charles Babbage was the first to originate the idea of a programmable computer, as early as 1820. However, due to the limited technology of his time and the lack of financing, it was never built during his lifetime.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world. "

Stupid News Story of The Day

(He really loves to read.)

Man allegedly robs bank, reads magazine

ROUND ROCK, Texas - Police in an Austin suburb arrested a man on Thursday who allegedly walked into a bank, demanded money from a teller and then sat down and read a magazine.

Paul Wendell Gunn, 61, surrendered to police about an hour after he went to the bank and demanded an undisclosed amount of money, said Round Rock police spokesman Eric Poteet.

After the teller gave Gunn the money, he sat down on a couch inside the bank and started reading while everyone else evacuated, Poteet said in Thursday's online edition of the Austin American-Statesman.

Authorities closed off the area around the bank, which is only a half-block from the police station, until Gunn surrendered, Austin television station KVUE reported.

Gunn never used a weapon, and no one was injured, police said.

He was being held Thursday in the Williamson County Jail on suspicion of robbery. Gunn is scheduled to go before a magistrate Friday.

Caption This!

Due to the recent budget cuts, the Police Department has had to eliminate their Police dog program and switch it over to trained Police rats. While a trained Police dog can cost up to $1000, a Police rat can be purchased at any PetSmart store for $5.

post your own funny caption in a comment if you want to.

Soul Patrol!

The Soul Patrol has triumphed. Yes, the gray-haired Taylor Hicks was crowned the newest American Idol. Am I surprised? Yes and no. No, because he had never been in the bottom 2 or 3 in the vote-getting, and yes, because he is not your typical American Idol. He has gray hair. He dances worse than me. He sings like Eddie Money or Joe Cocker, and not like some Backstreet Boy. He is so energy-filled, it is almost tiring to watch him. But, America voted, and he is the king.

So where did Katharine go wrong? She had the voice and the looks (face it, the girl is beautiful) to win. She just didn't pick good songs and wasn't as charismatic as Taylor. I think what really sealed her coffin was that last song she sang in the finale. It sucked! And what sucks more, is the fact that it was chosen for her by the producers or some other people who apparently hated her enough to saddle her with one of the crappiest songs ever written. Taylor's final song was much better, but that isn't saying much. What Taylor has going for him is that he can take a crappy song and make it good. Katharine couldn't do that.

I heard rumors that Taylor was gonna change his hair color. Well, I took it upon myself to check out a few new hair colors for him.

Here he is as a blonde:




now here he is as a brunette:



and here as a redhead:



here with black hair:



and here with the punk rocker look:



I think he looks great with pink hair - lol.

Phobia of The Day

Taeniophobia: fear of tapeworms

Random Fact of The Day

The largest tapeworms can be 80 feet long or more.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"I've never played serious poker, so when I went to a poker room, I took along a friend, Phillipe Boets, who is an expert. Unfortunately, he's not an expert on poker: He is an expert on pétanque, an extremely French sport where you toss steel balls around, the object being to eventually stop and have lunch. Phillipe is president of Pétanque America, which consists largely of Phillipe. When I thought about a possible companion for my poker expedition, his name came immediately to mind because of a certain indefinable quality he has, which I would define as 'not having a real job.' On the way to the casino, Phillipe told me that the only poker game he has played is 'Indian poker,' in which each player sticks a card onto his forehead, so that he can't see it, but all the other players can. 'Then what?' I asked. 'I don't remember,' Phillipe said. 'There was a lot of rum."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Good news for short people everywhere.)

Judge: Man is too short for prison

SIDNEY, Neb. - A judge said a 5-foot-1 man convicted of sexually assaulting a child was too small to survive in prison, and gave him 10 years of probation instead.

His crimes deserved a long sentence, District Judge Kristine Cecava said, but she worried that Richard W. Thompson, 50, would be especially imperiled by prison dangers.

"You are a sex offender, and you did it to a child," she said.

But, she said, "That doesn't make you a hunter. You do not fit in that category."

Thompson will be electronically monitored the first four months of his probation, and he was told to never be alone with someone under age 18 or date or live with a woman whose children were under 18. Cecava also ordered Thompson to get rid of his pornography.

He faces 30 days of jail each year of his probation unless he follows its conditions closely.

"I want control of you until I know you have integrated change into your life," the judge told Thompson. "I truly hope that my bet on you being OK out in society is not misplaced."

What dreams may come

I woke up this morning with a headache. Good way to start the day don't ya think. I had a weird dream last night. I dreamt that I was a snake hunter on the trail of a rare "black python." I was told that if I caught the snake, I would be paid $500,000. I ended up catching the snake, after several people I was with got eaten up (ewww), so I got the money. But then I gave the money back saying that the thrill of the chase was the payment I needed. C'mon! I would NEVER say that in real life - LOL. Show me the money, then give it to me....that is what I would have really said. Weird dream. Maybe that is why I woke up with a headache. I just hope the Advil I took makes it go away before it becomes a migraine. Ouch. My poor head.

Of course, then Freud would have said that it was a sexual dream, what with the snakes and all. It was a huge snake. Big enough to eat people. Huge snake ... hmmmm......nevermind.

Sometimes I like it better when I don't remember my dreams - lol.

Caption This!

I did it. Manbearpig is dead.

(you have to have watched the South Park episode to get this one - lol)

leave your own funny caption in a comment if you wanna.

Phobia of The Day

Sesquipedalophobia: fear of long words

Random Fact of The Day

The longest word in the English language containing only one vowel is "strengths"

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"As I said, poker is sweeping the nation, and so recently I decided to experience it firsthand by going to the poker room at the Miccousukee Resort and Gaming Casino, located west of Miami right next to the Everglades, which makes it one of the few casinos in the world where not only can you gamble - excuse me, I mean 'game' - but also you can experience the excitement of knowing that you could be attacked by an alligator in the parking lot."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Dial 1-900-STUPID)

Bible Student Charged in Phone Sex Case

OWATONNA, Minn. - A student at Pillsbury Baptist Bible College was charged in the theft of his roommate's debit card, which was used to pay for more than $2,300 worth of calls to phone sex lines, prosecutors allege in court papers.

Shane Erin Mack, 20, of Belt, Mont., was charged with the gross misdemeanors of identity theft and theft by false representation. He made his first court appearance on Monday. Bail was set at $2,500. He remained in jail Tuesday afternoon.

Steele County prosecutor Scott Schrener said investigators only had documentation in hand for about $500 worth of calls, but the victim reported that $2,350 worth of calls had been made. Schrener said the criminal charges could be upgraded in the future.

The calls were made from March 23 to May 13, according to court papers.

Mack allegedly told investigators he admitted taking the debit card out of his roommate's wallet and using it to make up to 30 calls to adult phone lines from public phones on campus, the criminal complaint said.

College spokesman Tom Lawson said Mack would not be allowed to return to the school when classes resume in the fall. According to the college Web site, the college offers a Christian "education program which imparts a biblical worldview."

A call to the public defender who represented Mack in court on Monday was not immediately returned.

Mack's next court appearance was scheduled for June 1.

___

Information from: Owatonna People's Press, http://www.owatonna.com

The finale, finally

Well, tonight's American Idol finale had its ups and downs. Both Taylor and Katharine sang well, but the only show stopping, superstar performance was Katharine singing "Somewhere Over The Rainbow," which she did even better this time around. However, I think Taylor is gonna win. He had the most solid performances tonight, even if his second performance was rather lackluster. I did not like Katharine's final song at all. She was definitely better than that song. It was just plain boring. I don't know why she chose that one. Taylor did definitely better on his final song, and I think that is what the voters will remember. Sure, Katharine did the best peformance of the competition and has a great, strong voice, but will that be enough to carry her into the winner's circle...I don't think so. Bottom line: People love Taylor. Taylor is gonna win.

But then, this is American Idol. If Chris can get kicked off, anything can happen.

Employee of The Month

For all those people who wanted to see my employee of the month poster, well, here it is...



I had a good hair day that day, didn't I - hehe

Paint Shop is so fun!!!

Paint Shop Fun

Britney Spears is in trouble, once again. This time, it is for letting Michael Jackson babysit her son, Sean Preston...




Bad Britney!

(I had a little too much fun with Paint Shop last night - hehe)

Sorry, wrong number

Weirdness. This morning has been weirdness all around. First, I open my soda and it goes fizzing out all over my desk. Grrrr.. Now, my desk calendar is all soda-spotted. Then, I get a call on my cell phone from someone saying "where you at?" When I asked who it was, the person hung up. Then I get 2 text messages saying "hey bro, give me a call. I heard you turned it in Taft." I have NO idea what this means. Apparently people are calling and texting the wrong number today. It is so annoying. It is not the first time this has happened. A few weeks ago, this person kept calling me, insisting that my # was on her caller id. Well, I did not make any calls so there was no way my # could have been on her caller id, and I told her so. She called me like 2 more times, then finally gave up. Does someone else have my # or was it just a number close to mine? I dunno. The other night, someone called me at midnight asking for "Jessica." I just said " I am not Jessica, and I don't know who or where Jessica is," and hung up. Grrrrrrr.

Caption This!

After a series of exhausting tests, the truth about how many people it actually takes to screw in a lightbulb is found.

Post your own funny caption in a comment if you want.

Phobia of The Day

Doraphobia: Fear of fur or skins of animals.

Random Fact of The Day

Reindeer and caribou are the only species of deer where both the males and females grow antlers. It can happen in other species, but it is extremely rare.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"An alert Missouri reader sent in a newsletter from Rocky Mountain National Park containing this tip for visitors: 'Avoid the traffic by using one of the park's shuttle buses and view the elk rut with a park ranger."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(How come I am never there when something like this happens?)

Malfunction Cuts Gas Price to 29 Cents

HAMMOND, Ind. - When a pump at a gas station malfunctioned, opportunistic motorists were able to buy gas for 29 cents per gallon.

A Marathon station sold a gallon of fuel for less than the price of a first-class stamp for about 90 minutes Friday before the mistake was detected and and the price corrected to $2.79.

While still answering questions from customers about why the price had suddenly gone up, clerk Nida Tayyab said more than 50 people had crowded the store, likely thinking the mishap was a price promotion, and received the bargain. Normally, the station serves about 10 people per hour.

"I was really confused," she said. "It was so messed up. I can't explain here how it was."

When Tayyab figured out what was going on, she called her father, who works at another store, for help fixing the situation.

"It's fine now. It's all working," Tayyab added.

Oops she did it yet again

Yeah, Britney almost dropped her baby while walking through a crowd, drink in one hand, Sean P in the other. Luckily, her bodyguard was there to save poor Sean P from a head-pounding on the pavement. Check out this footage I found on perezhilton.com...



This kid will be lucky to live to puberty at this rate! That kid, as soon as he gets old enough, should kick Britney's ass for 1) marrying that dumbass K-Fed, 2) for letting K-Fed impregnate her, and 3) for almost killing him...again. And then when he's done with Britney, he should kick K-Fed's ass for 1) wearing corn rows, 2) looking like a total bum, and 3) being a total bum. And a good extra kick just for being so stupid! I can't believe that Britney is gonna have another kid with that loser. She better be careful. Remember that Kevin left his former girlfriend after baby #2. And now that Britney is all trailer-trashy like him, he is gonna go looking for a new baby mamma.

In the meantime, all seems well in the Federspears world. Here is a nice picture of the happy family...



I am almost positive that Sean P's first words will be "no drop me momma" or "f*ck ya'll."

Check out perezhilton.com for more Britney fun. That site is hilarious!!

Caption This!

Do these glasses make my face look fat?


Post your own funny caption in a comment if you want to.

Camel Toe Shoes!

The Camel-Toe shoe. Goes perfect with ...

Phobia of The Day

Papaphobia: Fear of the Pope.

Random Fact of The Day

The pope's full title is "Bishop of Rome, Vicar of Jesus Christ, Successor of the Prince of the Apostles, Supreme Pontiff of the Universal Church, Primate of Italy, Archbishop and Metropolitan of the Roman province, Sovereign of the State of the Vatican City, Servant of the Servants of God."

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"I could point out that, to judge from the covers of countless women's magazines, the two topics most interesting to women are:

(1) Why men are all disgusting pigs, and
(2) How to attract men. "

Stupid News Story of The Day

(He really likes gum.)

Man Takes Police Station Gumball Machine

ROTTERDAM, N.Y. - While waiting for his friend to be processed on a drunken driving charge Friday morning at the Rotterdam Police Department, 21-year-old Adam Jewett picked up the gumball machine in the lobby and walked out the door with it, authorities say.

Jewett was riding in Zachary Peek's vehicle when it was stopped by an officer about 3 a.m. in Rotterdam, police said. A dispatcher watching the surveillance system saw Jewett carry away the gumball machine. He told the officer processing Peek on the driving while intoxicated charge. Patrolman Stephen Dixon found Jewett in the parking lot with the gumball machine.

Jewett, who lives in Rotterdam, was charged with petit larceny, a misdemeanor, police said. He and Peek, 21, from nearby Schenectady, were issued appearance tickets for Rotterdam Town Court.

Celebrity answers to why the chicken crossed the road

DR. PHIL:
The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on "THIS" side of the road before it goes after the problem on the "OTHER SIDE" of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his "CURRENT" problems before adding "NEW" problems.

OPRAH:
Well I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W BUSH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

ANDERSON COOPER/CNN:We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am for it now, and will remain against it.

NANCY GRACE:
That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART:
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS :
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad?

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die in the rain. Alone!

GRANDPA:
In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together - in peace.

ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2005, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet explorer is an integral part of eChicken. The Platform is much more stable and will never cra....

ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON:I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is the definition of chicken?

AL GORE:
I invented the chicken!

COLONEL SANDERS:Did I miss one?

Oh the weather outside is lovely

Oh my gosh, the weather outside is great today - ok, well it's not sunny...it's kinda rainy and humid, but it is nice and cool. I have the windows open....all of the windows and I am still in my pjs and have actually been doing some housework today. Fathom that! Housework. Am I nuts? Yes. But I am a happy-in-my-pjs nut - hehe. Hopefully, there will be some thunderstorms later on. I love to watch the lightning and hear the thunder. Love it! Of course, it will be right back up to the 90's soon, so better enjoy this while it lasts.

This weekend has been thankfully boring. Although I did drive a friend and her daughter to Anaheim yesterday cuz she needed to get back home. I wasn't too thrilled about having to drive to LA, but hey, I am not one to turn down a favor for a friend, especially when she needed to get back home.

I watched When A Stranger Calls the other day, and it was pretty decent, though I thought the ending was too abrupt. It was almost like they ran out of time or something and needed to just end it. But, it was a nice, taut, tense thriller overall, and good entertainment. Not on the level of Halloween, (but then, what is?) but still decent.

Time to get back to vaccuuming. WOO HOO! YES! I love to vaccuum! (just kidding. I haven't gone THAT nuts yet).