Friday, November 10, 2006
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
"It is a tragic but true statistical fact that every Thanksgiving, undercooked turkeys claim the lives of an estimated 53 billion Americans (source: Dan Rather). Sometimes the cause is deadly bacteria; sometimes - in cases of extreme undercooking - the turkey actually springs up from the carving platter and pecks the would-be carver to death."
Stupid News Story of The Day
(Paper covers rock...scissors cut paper...rock breaks scissors...or something like that.)
Hundreds to compete for rock, paper, scissors title
TORONTO (Reuters) - Think rock, paper, scissors is a children's game? Think again. Top players from around the globe will gather in Toronto this weekend to compete for a C$10,000 (4,636 pounds) prize and the title of world champion.
More than 500 contestants, including national champions from Australia, Norway and New Zealand, are expected to attend.
Tournament organizer Graham Walker said players will have to steel themselves against psychological pressure as players typically form teams to rally each other.
"The team will surround the arena, provide moral support and usually try to intimidate the opponent," said Walker, who is also co-author of "The Official Rock Paper Scissors Guide."
The simple game is often used to make decisions and resolve basic conflicts.
Author Ian Fleming had his fictional secret agent James Bond play the game in Japan, in "You Only Live Twice."
Players smack their fists into their palms and count to three before making one of three hand signals: a fist (rock), flat hand (paper) or two fingers (scissors). Paper covers rock, scissors cut paper and rock breaks scissors.
Enthusiasts disagree about the history of the game, but it is believed to have been played for centuries in Japan.
The Paper Scissors Stone Club was founded in England in 1842 and provided an environment free from the long arm of the law where enthusiasts could come together and play for honour, according to the World RPS (Rock Paper Scissors) Society Web page (www.worldrps.com).
In 1918, the name was changed to World RPS Club to reflect the growing international representation and its headquarters moved from London to Toronto. In 1925 its membership topped 10,000.
The world championships have been held since 2002.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
"I am not a fan of those high-tech public toilets with the automatic sensors that either (a) become overexcited and flush themselves thirty-seven times before you even sit down, or (b) lapse into a coma, so that when you're done you find yourself waving your arms like a lunatic and loudly remarking, 'Well, I'm done!' in an effort to revive your toilet so it will flush and you can leave, while the people waiting in the stall wonder what kind of sick pervert thing you are doing in there."
Stupid News Story of The Day
(When you look up "stupid" in a dictionary, chances are, you will see this man's face.)
Man decides to speed in jail parking lot
STOCK ISLAND, Fla. - A Marathon man reportedly driving with a suspended license and carrying drugs picked the wrong place to speed: the parking lot of the Monroe County jail.
Deputies stopped Alvin Dean, 42, on Monday night after seeing a 2003 Dodge Caravan speed into the parking lot, The Key West Citizen reported.
Dean was allegedly carrying drugs in his pockets and charged with possessing marijuana, cocaine and drug paraphernalia. He was also issued a warning for speeding before being booked into the nearby jail.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
No surprises here...
Well, it finally happened. Britney Spears finally came to her senses and dumped that piece of trash, K-Fed. Not that comes as any surprise. Of course, it made all the headlines...Britney Spears Files For Divorce...Britney Dumps Kevin...etc. I just feel sorry for their kids. With a mom who dresses like a hooker and a dad who thinks he's a pimp, they are going to have an INTERESTING childhood, to say the least. Well at now at least Kevin can work on his "music" and his "acting career." God help us all.
Random Fact of The Day
A human baby is born with 300 bones. On the average, by the time he has reached adulthood, he will have only 206 bones. This is due to the fact that many small bones fuse together to form a single bone structure during the child's growth.
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
"The idea there was that consumers would bring their broken electronic devices, such as television sets and VCR's, to the destruction centers, where trained personnel would whack them (the devices) with sledgehammers. With their devices thus permanently destroyed, consumers would then be free to go out and buy new devices, rather than have to fritter away years of their lives trying to have the old ones repaired at so-called factory service centers, which in fact consist of two men named Lester poking at the insides of broken electronic devices with cheap cigars and going, Lookit all them WIRES in there!"
Stupid News Story of The Day
(Next week, they are gonna do a study on the effects of toilet paper on the butt.)
Duct tape no magical cure for warts
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Duct tape does not work any better than doing nothing to cure warts in schoolchildren, Dutch researchers reported on Monday in a study that contradicts a popular theory about an easy way to get rid of the unattractive lumps.
The study of 103 children aged 4 to 12 showed the duct tape worked only slightly better than using a corn pad, a sticky cushion that does not actually touch the wart and which was considered to be a placebo.
"After 6 weeks, the warts of 8 children (16 percent) in the duct tape group and the warts of 3 children (6 percent) in the placebo group had disappeared," the researchers wrote in the Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine.
They said this difference was not statistically significant.
In addition, some of the children who wore duct tape reported itching, rashes and other effects, although none of the children who wore corn pads did.
The researchers, led by Dr. Marloes de Haen of Maastricht University, expressed disappointment with their findings.
Warts are caused by a virus in the skin, and often clear up on their own. They can also be frozen off in a treatment called cryotherapy, or burned off chemically using a strong formulation of salicylic acid.
"Considering the serious discomfort of cryotherapy and the awkwardness of applying salicylic acid for a long time, simply applying tape would be a cheap and helpful alternative, especially in children," de Haen's team wrote.
In 2002, Dr. Dean Focht of Madigan Army Medical Center in Tacoma, Washington and colleagues reported in the same journal that using duct tape on warts worked better than cryotherapy.
The idea of using duct tape to treat warts quickly became common wisdom and is advocated widely on the Internet.
The Dutch researchers said that Focht's team did not actually examine their patients to determine if the warts had disappeared, but called them on the telephone to ask.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
It's like, unfair, ya'll
I heard something hilarious yesterday. I heard that a judge dismissed Britney Spears's lawsuit against some magazine, saying that publishing an article saying that Kevin and Britney made a sex tape was not defamatory to them. No...the judge dismissing the case was not the hilarious part. The hilarious part was the fact that they filed this lawsuit in the first place. I think the two of them have made asses enough of themselves on that piece of crap "reality" show Chaotic, to tarnish their image for the rest of kingdom come. How can you tarnish an image that is already tarnished to begin with? That is kind of like puking on a big puke stain that has already set in your carpet (ok, that was kind of gross, but have you seen Chaotic????) Perhaps Britney and Kevin should sue themselves for making that pile of crap show. Perhaps they should adopt some foreign babies and do work in Cambodia and Africa to make people forget that they were ever so crazy and trashy. Hey, it worked for Angelina Jolie.
I also heard something yesterday that pissed me off. I heard that stupid Rush Limbaugh said that Michael J Fox was just acting when he did that commercial about stem cell research and that he was exaggerating the effects of the disease and was probably off his meds. (OK, I had heard this before, but was too pissed about it at the time to write about it). Excuse me, Mr Dumbass, but Michael J Fox has Parkinson's Disease, and there is nothing funny about that. Even with meds, it doesn't make you all better. For example, I am sure if there was a pill to cure Foot-In-The-Mouth Syndrome, I am sure, even with the highest dose possible, Rush would still end up sounding like a jackass every now and then. How can somebody be so damned ignorant? I suppose Rush was just acting like a jackass when he said that. Or maybe it is the after effects of all those Oxycontin pills he took. Any way you look at it, Rush Limbaugh has proven, once again, that he is a total idiot.
I would like to slap his big, puffy, red face....and then have Michael J Fox take away all his painkillers....and then we could sit back, have a cold drink and watch him cry.
I also heard something yesterday that pissed me off. I heard that stupid Rush Limbaugh said that Michael J Fox was just acting when he did that commercial about stem cell research and that he was exaggerating the effects of the disease and was probably off his meds. (OK, I had heard this before, but was too pissed about it at the time to write about it). Excuse me, Mr Dumbass, but Michael J Fox has Parkinson's Disease, and there is nothing funny about that. Even with meds, it doesn't make you all better. For example, I am sure if there was a pill to cure Foot-In-The-Mouth Syndrome, I am sure, even with the highest dose possible, Rush would still end up sounding like a jackass every now and then. How can somebody be so damned ignorant? I suppose Rush was just acting like a jackass when he said that. Or maybe it is the after effects of all those Oxycontin pills he took. Any way you look at it, Rush Limbaugh has proven, once again, that he is a total idiot.
I would like to slap his big, puffy, red face....and then have Michael J Fox take away all his painkillers....and then we could sit back, have a cold drink and watch him cry.
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
"The question is, why are politicians so eager to be president? What is it about the job that makes it worth revealing, on national television, that you have the ethical standards of a slime-coated piece of industrial waste?"
Stupid News Story of The Day
(Forget about tarnishing your image. It's already been there, done that.)
Judge dismisses Spears' suit against mag
LOS ANGELES - A judge has thrown out Britney Spears' lawsuit against celebrity magazine Us Weekly, ruling the pop star cannot be defamed by published rumors that she and her husband had made a sex tape and were worried about its release.
Superior Court Judge Lisa Hart Cole said Spears has "put her modern sexuality squarely, and profitably, before the public eye" and it would be unlikely for the magazine article to be found defamatory.
Her decision to dismiss the $10 million lawsuit filed last year did not address whether the October 2005 story was true or false.
"The issue is whether it is defamatory to state that a husband and wife taped themselves engaging in consensual sex," Cole wrote in the decision issued last week. "The backdrop against which this issue must be addressed is that the plaintiff has publicly portrayed herself in a sexual way in her performances, in published photographs and in a reality show."
Spears' lawyer, Martin Singer, did not return a call Monday seeking comment.
Us said in a statement it stood by its reporting and was pleased with the decision.
The lawsuit stemmed from an article published Oct. 17, 2005, in the magazine's "Hot Stuff" column under the headline, "Brit & Kev: Secret Sex Tape? New parents have a new worry: racy footage from 2004."
It claimed Spears and her husband, Kevin Federline, feared the release of a secret sex tape, which they had viewed with their estate planning lawyers. The article said that Spears gave a copy of the tape to lawyers on Sept. 30 and she and Federline were "acting goofy the whole time" while watching the video.
"There was no laughter, disgust or goofy behavior while watching the video in the company of lawyers because they did not watch any video, and because there is no such video," the lawsuit said.
Spears sued after Us refused to issue a retraction.
Spears, 24, married Federline, 28, in 2004. They have a 1-year-old son, Sean Preston, and an infant son, who was born Sept. 12. The couple have not confirmed the infant's name, which is reportedly Jayden James.
Federline has two children from a previous relationship.
Monday, November 06, 2006
I like Paintshop but I LOVE Photoshop
Over the weekend, I was playing around with Photoshop CS, and have come to love the program. I used to be a die-hard Paintshop fan, but Photoshop is growing on me. I love it! The only drawback is that it uses up a lot of memory and can make your computer lag (nothing that a little memory upgrade can't fix - hehe). I made a few things this weekend....a little snowman, a reindeer, a few Christmas trees ('tis nearly the season, ya know!) and I updated my Myspace pagewith cute little bees, flowers and beehives (that I also made up on Photoshop ... a few with the help of Paintshop, too). I like Paintshop because of its font viewer (gives a preview of the font in a box) and because how easy it is to texturize layers (I still haven't mastered Photoshop's texture feature yet). But Photoshop has a big edge over Paintshop because of how easy it is to use their actions. You can make a circle shape look like glass or gel or fabric, etc, with the click of one button. I made a Thanksgiving turkey using the felt feature and it came out so cute Photoshop also takes the cake when editing photos (getting rid of scratches, red-eye, etc). I will have to post some examples of stuff I made later on. The bees on my main Myspace page are some of my first attempts at making stuff on Photoshop. Oh yeah...having Animation Shop is also cool cuz you can make animated stuff as well....even though it is kinda time consuming to do it. But, hey, I have nothing else to do
If I had to pick one program over the other to recommend to someone, I might pick Paintshop, only because it seems to be more user-friendly. I had to buy a book on Photoshop (Photoshop CS For Dummies - lol). Plus Paintshop is a lot cheaper! (Paintshop is around $100 while Photoshop can run you anywhere from $300-$600...but you can get a free trial for 30 days for both programs). But I love both, and I have both programs. There is also Photoshop Elements, which is a great photo editor, but lacks the action tools that Photoshop CS has. It, too, is cheaper than Photoshop. It will only set you back about $30-$150 (depending on which version you get). Of course, I have that program too - lol. It came with my Wacom Drawing Tablet. It is a super easy program to use, and not nearly as daunting as Photoshop CS.
Now, if I could only find some way to use them while I am at work. That would be even better! But, somehow, I think my bosses would frown upon that
(yeah, I know this was a computer-geek blog entry, but so what! It is my blog. Whatevah. I do what I want!)
If I had to pick one program over the other to recommend to someone, I might pick Paintshop, only because it seems to be more user-friendly. I had to buy a book on Photoshop (Photoshop CS For Dummies - lol). Plus Paintshop is a lot cheaper! (Paintshop is around $100 while Photoshop can run you anywhere from $300-$600...but you can get a free trial for 30 days for both programs). But I love both, and I have both programs. There is also Photoshop Elements, which is a great photo editor, but lacks the action tools that Photoshop CS has. It, too, is cheaper than Photoshop. It will only set you back about $30-$150 (depending on which version you get). Of course, I have that program too - lol. It came with my Wacom Drawing Tablet. It is a super easy program to use, and not nearly as daunting as Photoshop CS.
Now, if I could only find some way to use them while I am at work. That would be even better! But, somehow, I think my bosses would frown upon that
(yeah, I know this was a computer-geek blog entry, but so what! It is my blog. Whatevah. I do what I want!)
Since voting day is nearly here...
| Your Vote Score: 42% Republican, 58% Democrat |
 You are truly an independent voter, and you don't fit well with either party. Maybe you should choose one issue to vote on - or look into third parties! |
Caption This!
Why, oh why, didn't I just take that job at McDonald's?
post your own funny caption in a comment if you wanna.
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
"So the documentary-makers stick with sharks. Generally, their procedure is to scatter bleeding fish pieces around their boat, so as to infest the waters. I would estimate that the primary food source of sharks today is bleeding fish pieces scattered by people making documentaries. Once the sharks arrive, they are generally fairly listless. The general shark attitude seems to be: Oh God, another documentary. So the divers have to somehow goad them into attacking, under the guise of Scientific Research. We know very little about the effect of electricity on sharks, the narrator will say, in a deeply scientific voice. That is why Todd is going to jab this Great White in the testicles with a cattle prod. The divers keep this kind of thing up until the shark finally gets irritated and snaps at them, and then they act as though this was a totally unexpected and very dangerous development, although clearly it is what they wanted all along."
Stupid News Story of The Day
(I think I just lost my appetite.)
Nude couple's feud ends at Waffle House
NASHVILLE, Tenn. - No shirt, no service? What about no clothes at all? A couple that began squabbling in a motel room Friday morning carried their dispute over to an adjacent Waffle House restaurant in the nude, police said.
The woman, who was not identified, told officers she was staying in a room with Larry Boyd when he took a hit of cocaine, started trashing their room and choked her.
She ran in the buff to the nearby restaurant and locked herself in the bathroom. Boyd, also naked, followed her into the restaurant and then fled in a car.
He was arrested — still naked — after a short chase by police and was charged with driving under the influence and felony evading arrest, among other charges. It was not immediately clear whether he had an attorney.
Sunday, November 05, 2006
Gno mo' gnomes!
I am not sure whether I am more disturbed by Travelocity's roaming lawn gnome or by their new idea of dressing some dude up with a pointy hat to look like a gnome....(shudders). Gnomes creep me out!
Don't know how accurate this is...
but I am posting it anyway - hehe
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