Thanksgiving - George Carlin Style

"On Thanksgiving at our house we like variety, so we don't have turkey every year. Last year we had a swan. It was nice; everyone got some neck. Another year we had a seagull. Delicious! It's a little fishy, but at least there's no need to add salt. This year, we're expecting a few people over, so we're having flamingo. And I'm getting the leg that folds up. They say the meat is sweeter and more tender because the flamingo doesn't use it much."

Happy Turkey Day!

 

Happy Turkey Day to everyone! Eat, sleep and then eat some more....hehe

 

Pregnant Turkey

I thought this was a cute joke....


One year at Thanksgiving my mom went to my sister's house for the
traditional feast. Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to
play a trick. She told my sister that she needed something from the
store.

When my sister left, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the
stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen, and inserted it into the turkey, and
re-stuffed the turkey. She then placed the bird(s) back in the oven.

When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven
and proceeded to remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit
something, she reached in and pulled out the little bird. With a look
of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, "Patricia, you've
cooked a pregnant bird!"

At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry. It
took the family two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs!

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"With all this natural selection going on, why doesn't the human race get any smarter? Is this it? Why are there still so many stupid people? Apparently, being a real dumb jackoff has some survival value."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Well, it may not be the kind of touch he was hoping for...)

Police Hit Man in Genitals With Taser

FORT MYERS BEACH, Fla. - Police accidentally hit a naked man in the genitals with a Taser after he was caught breaking windows and asking women to touch him, authorities said.

Jeremy J. Miljour, 26, tried to run away when sheriff's deputies approached so one of them shot their Taser, said Cpl. Matt Chitwood. But one of the gun's prongs accidentally hit Miljour's genitals and got stuck, Chitwood said.

"The Taser is relatively accurate, but when someone is moving like that, it doesn't matter if you have a Taser, or a pistol. (Officers) can't aim," Chitwood said.

Miljour was treated at a hospital before being taken to the Lee County jail. He was charged with indecent exposure, resisting an officer and criminal damage.

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"How can everyone's money be 'hard-earned,' and everyone's vacation be 'well-deserved'? Sounds like bull to me.

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Don't drink and dry.)

Sometimes you just have a really bad day...

BERLIN (Reuters) - A German man drank too much, wet his bed and set fire to his apartment while trying to dry his bedding, police in the western town of Muelheim said Monday.

"He was too drunk to go to the toilet," said a police spokesman. "The next morning he put a switched-on hairdryer on the bed to dry it and left the apartment." When the 60-year-old returned, his home and belongings were in flames.

Firemen eventually put out the blaze.

Extreme Rock, Paper, Scissors

The Beach

I went to the beach this weekend. I posted new pictures on my Yahoo album and wrote about it on my other blog, which you can get to by clicking HERE.

Stupid News Story of The Day

(I'm not dead yet!)

Tears save sick mother from cremation alive

BEIJING (Reuters) - A Chinese peasant woman who suffered a brain haemorrhage was left at the undertakers alive for cremation because her family could no longer afford hospital treatment, state media said Friday.

She was only saved by the tears in her eyes.

The case is the latest in a series of tragedies illustrating China's stretched health care system and the inability of rural workers to meet spiraling medical costs.

You Guoying, a 47-year-old migrant worker from southwestern Sichuan province, was taken for cremation by her husband and children in Taizhou, eastern Zhejiang province, where she worked, the China Youth Daily said.

Fortunately for You, the undertaker realized she was still alive when he saw her move and tears in her eyes, the newspaper said.

"This is not only a tragedy for the family, but also for society," it quoted Xu Yinghe, a Taizhou official, as saying.

"The fundamental reason is the absence of a social welfare system."

You was taken back to hospital for further treatment with money donated by sympathetic citizens of prosperous Zhejiang, the newspaper said.

"Three days of treatment cost us more than 10,000 yuan," it quoted her daughter as saying, adding that was the sum of the family's life savings.

"If there had been another option, who would have the heart to send a member of their own family for cremation while there was still a hope of survival?"

The newspaper did not say if the family would face charges.

Vice Health Minister Zhu Qingsheng said last December that about half of all farmers could not afford medical treatment when sick.

A 42-year-old farmer too poor to afford treatment for lung cancer set off a home-made bomb aboard a bus in Fuzhou, capital of the southeastern province of Fujian, in August, killing himself and another passenger and wounding 30.

Also in August, a security guard hailed a hero for fighting off a purse snatcher jumped to his death from a hospital window in south Guangxi province because he couldn't afford the bills.

In the late 1970s, 94 percent of China's villagers were covered by cooperative medical schemes. But the collectives were disbanded during market reforms of the 1980s which ended cradle-to-grave welfare for the masses.