Ok. It took me a little while to get to this blog, since I had such a bad headache today. I didn't even go Christmas shopping after work, cuz my head decided it wanted to hurt. So I came home and took a nap after work. And what do you know? My head STILL hurts. Damned head!
Well, Alicia and I were at Los Tacos last night, minding our own business, eating some good ole Los Tacos food and talking about which vegetables and fruits are good substitutes for......oh nevermind (although the beans tasted horrendous so I didn't eat all of them, which is probably good - you know - the whole farting thing - I don't need to explain). Well anyway, this really amusing situation was taking place across the room from us. This couple was sitting and arguing...loudly. Well, I think the arguing was really all being done by the chick. She was a psycho!!! I mean, she really needed some medication and a psychiatrist. I knew she was a weirdo from the moment I walked in there, cuz when I was at the counter, ordering our food, the psycho chick was at the counter asking for a cup of cheese and that she was in a "really big hurry." Well, thinking that she was ordering it to go, I was somewhat shocked when this woman who was in a reallllly big hurry took the cheese and went back to the table and sat down and started talking to her boyfriend. I guess she wasn't so much of in a hurry as she was in a hurry to eat cheese.
Well anyway, Alicia and I were sitting in the booth, eating, when we heard this "What can be more important than ME? What are you looking at?" Seems that the dude with the psycho chick was checking the time on his cell phone instead of asking HER for the time. I mean, she had a watch! LOL Good lord she was a freak. She was telling him, "I will tell you when you can go home" and "nah nah nah - nag nag nag." The guy was just sitting there, taking it all and not even fighing back. Then the psycho chick said something like, "Well, then let's go. NOW." And more nagging ensued at this point, and then she got up in a huff and walked out the door and got into this really ugly car (the same car that Alicia and I saw in the parking lot earlier and said was so ugly). Then she turned on the lights, on what seemed to be high beams, then sat there. The dude, finally got up and walked out too. Have some balls, man! Sheesh! That guy was totally whipped. Either that or he was just really scared of her.
Anyway, it was entertaining, that was for sure. We just sat and laughed about it. I am sure they heard us.
Sometimes real life is so much funnier than it is in the movies.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Friday, December 08, 2006
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
"The Wise Men showed up at the manger, handed their baby gifts to Mary, and headed for the eggnog. Mary looked at the gifts - which were not wrapped, nor were they accompanied by cards - rolled her eyes, tossed the gum resins to the goats (which ate them), and said: 'Next Christmas, we are going to have some gift-giving RULES.' But the Wise Men didn't hear her, because by then they were over by the crib trying to teach the Baby Jesus to pull their finger."
Stupid News Story of The Day
(I ride the short bus.)
Man picks wrong time to use bogus check
CHESTERFIELD TOWNSHIP, Mich. - A man who police say tried to pass a counterfeit check at a Wal-Mart chose the wrong store at the wrong time. Dozens of officers were at the suburban Detroit store Tuesday helping needy children pick out items as part of an annual "Shop with a Cop" charity event.
That didn't stop Calvin E. Fluckes Jr., 21, from pulling into the parking lot next to 40 marked squad cars, police said. He apparently was unfazed by the police presence as he tried to pay for merchandise with a poorly photocopied check for $847.83.
The cashier called over a manager, who alerted one of the 80 officers who happened to be in the store.
"He was immediately apprehended," Chesterfield Township police Lt. David Marker told the Detroit Free Press. "I can't even imagine what he was thinking."
Fluckes was arraigned Wednesday on one count of uttering and publishing. He was being held in the Macomb County Jail on $2,000 bail.
He could face up to 14 years in prison if convicted, The Detroit News reported.
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Further proof that I am the biggest dork....ever
I was in the elevator earlier today, going upstairs to get some breakfast, when I started wondering why the thing wasn't moving. Seems I forgot to push the "2" button. Elevators are not smart enough to read our minds, so they rely on us human beings to push the button to tell it where to go. Unfortunately for this particular elevator, I am not that smart
I could blame it on morning brain, but we all know that I am a dork. I have no other excuse.
(and yes, I did graduate from college - hard to believe, huh)
I could blame it on morning brain, but we all know that I am a dork. I have no other excuse.
(and yes, I did graduate from college - hard to believe, huh)
Caption This!
Well, things could be worse. Paris Hilton could have been my owner.
Post your own funny caption in a comment if you wanna.
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
"The Christmas season can be a difficult and stressful time for a certain group - a group whose needs, all too often, are overlooked in our society. That group is men. Why is it so hard on men? There are many complex reasons, by which I mean: women. This problem dates back to the very first Christmas. We know from the Bible that the Wise Men showed up in Bethlehem and gave the baby Jesus gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh. Now, gold is always a nice gift, but frankincense and myrrh - at least according to my dictionary - are gum resins. Who gives gum resins to a baby? The answer is: men. The Wise Men, being men, didn't even START shopping for gifts until the mast minute, when most of the stores in the greater Bethlehem area were closed for Christmas Eve. The only place still open was Big Stu's House of Myrrh."
Stupid News Story of The Day
(...and then yesterday, I was murdered! Yeah. That's the ticket.)
Drunk invents mugging to avoid wife's wrath
BERLIN (Reuters) - A German cyclist lied to police about being mugged because he was afraid to tell his wife the truth: he rode into a lamppost while drunk and injured himself.
The man, 30, called police and said he had been mugged by six youths while walking home.
"He said he beat off two of them, and that the rest fled through bushes behind the pavement," Peter Grimm, a spokesman for police in the southern town of Schwabach, said on Thursday.
Police became suspicious after finding a wire fence behind the bushes and, Grimm said, the man then "admitted he had made it all up as a cover story because he was afraid of his wife".
He now faces charges for being drunk while in charge of a bicycle and faking a crime. Police had carried out a blood test that proved he was drunk when they first interviewed him.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Random Fact of The Day
Why do puppies lick your face? They're instinctively looking for scraps of food.
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
Holiday Gift Guide:
INFLATE-A-POTTY
INFLATE-A-POTTY
"If you are one of the estimated 83 percent of Americans who from time to time go to the bathroom, chances are that on more than one occasion you have remarked to yourself: I need a place to go to the bathroom RIGHT NOW. Unfortunately, in this modern world we often find ourselves in situations where we cannot immediately relieve ourselves, such as standing in a long stadium restroom line, riding in an elevator, delivering a State of the Union address, etc. It is for just these situations that the Inflate-a-Potty was invented. This is an actual inflatable toilet that you inflate by blowing it up. Yuck! No, seriously, this is a fabulous concept. Next time you absolutely have 'got to go,' you just whip this baby out, inflate it, do your 'business,' deflate the toilet, and get back to the matter at hand, starting with a brief apology to the various houses of Congress."
Stupid News Story of The Day
(Someone light a match! On second thought, don't.)
Flatulence forces plane to land
NASHVILLE, Tenn. - An American Airlines flight was forced to make an emergency landing Monday morning after a passenger lit a match to disguise the scent of flatulence, authorities said.
The Dallas-bound flight was diverted to Nashville after several passengers reported smelling burning sulfur from the matches, said Lynne Lowrance, spokeswoman for the Nashville International Airport Authority. All 99 passengers and five crew members were taken off and screened while the plane was searched and luggage was screened.
The FBI questioned a passenger who admitted she struck the matches in an attempt to conceal a "body odor," Lowrance said. She had an unspecified medical condition, authorities said.
"It's humorous in a way but you feel sorry for the individual, as well," she said. "It's unusual that someone would go to those measures to cover it up."
The flight took off again, but the woman was not allowed back on the plane. The woman, who was not identified, was not charged in the incident.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Random thought for the day
Why, when you are waiting for a web page to load, waiting on hold on the phone, etc, do they always say "thanks for your patience?" How do they know I am being patient? How do they know I am not cussing and breaking things while I am waiting so very "patiently?"
Or maybe it is just wishful thinking on their part.
Or maybe it is just wishful thinking on their part.
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
Holiday Gift Guide:
HEADSTONE CLEANER
"It's always difficult to find the right gift for the person on your holiday list who has experienced a tragic loss. That's why we were so happy to discover this item, which we absolutely swear we are not making up. This is a specially formulated headstone-cleaner in a handy spray bottle. According to the manufacturer, in just sixty seconds this product 'deep cleans and renews luster as it quickly and easily lifts dirt, moss, mold, and grime.' Not only that, but this incredible product 'leaves behind a protective Teflon finish.' Isn't that wonderful? No more scrubbing with old-fashioned headstone cleaners! AND a Teflon finish! A person could eat off a headstone cleaned by this amazing product! We were going to make a little joke here about a lifetime guarantee, but we frankly feel that would be in poor taste."
Stupid News Story of The Day
(Oops. My bad.)
Wayward football halts German train
BERLIN (Reuters) - A German passenger train was brought to a shuddering halt when a football flew from a nearby pitch and hit a brake pipe, triggering an automatic braking system, police said on Tuesday.
"The ball hit the brake pipe between the locomotive and the first carriage and undid it, leading to a loss of pressure," said a police spokesman in the western city of Muenster. "This caused the train to brake automatically."
A local youth team were playing football at the time on a pitch near the railway line in Emsdetten, near Muenster. No one has claimed the shot that stopped the train, the spokesman said.
The driver managed to re-attach the pipe and the train was delayed by only eight minutes, he added.
Monday, December 04, 2006
Caption This!
Damn! I knew I shouldn't have eaten all those hot wings!
post your own funny caption in a comment if you wanna.
Random Fact of The Day
In Massachusetts, it is illegal to go to bed without first having a full bath.
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
Holiday Gift Guide:
AQUARIUM TOILET TANK
"Every single one of us has spent literally years agonizing over the question of how to make our commode tanks more visually appealing. At last we have an answer, thanks to modern technology and space-age plastics. Aslo we suspect drugs were involved. This is a working aquarium that also functions as a toilet tank. While you're 'doing your business,' you can enjoy actual, living fish darting around in a playful manner, until of course you flush, at which point they are sucked, screaming tiny underwater Nemo screams, down the Hole of Death. No, seriously, the fish are not flushed down, as far as we can tell. They continue to swim around in there, in plain view, watching you as you use the commode. Even when your back is turned you can feel their eyes on you, watching, watching. Try not to think about it."
Stupid News Story of The Day
(It's the pesticide that gives it that extra zing.)
Manager arrested for garbage in lard
BEIJING - A factory manager in east China has been arrested for using grease from swill, sewage, pesticides and recycled industrial oil to make lard for human consumption, state media said Monday in the country's latest food scare.
Ying Fuming, a manager at the Fanchang Grease Factory in Taizhou, a city in Zhejiang province, sold the lard at half the price of other wholesalers while promising that his product met safety standards, the Shanghai Daily said.
The factory was shut down and local health and food authorities began an investigation this year after an anonymous tip indicated that the plant "recycled large amounts of used grease to process substandard lard," the newspaper said.
It is the latest incident involving substandard or fake food products in China, where there is rampant counterfeiting of food and medicines.
China's food safety watchdog announced last month that seven companies that produced salted, red-yolk duck eggs used potentially cancer-causing red dyes.
In 2004, at least 12 infants died from malnutrition after drinking phony formula in a city in the eastern province of Anhui. More than 200 babies suffered wasted limbs and swollen heads — common symptoms of malnutrition.
The Taizhou factory, which opened in September 2005, was ordered shut down but continued operating at night, the Shanghai Daily said. It sold its product to retailers across the country, who sold it to clients, including hotels and restaurants, it said.
In a recent night raid, officers found 83,000 pounds of raw materials and 11,600 pounds of lard, the newspaper said without providing any more details.
"Some was recycled edible grease, such as oil refined from swill and cooked oil," it said. "Some was grease rendered from sewage, and some was recycled industrial grease."
By law, only pure fat from hogs can be used to produce edible lard, the newspaper said.
Samples from the Fanchang factory showed an acid value more than 11 times higher than the national limit, it said.
Sunday, December 03, 2006
Me and Santa
I found this old picture of me and Santa, taken when I was a kid. Thought I would post it, well, cuz it's just so funny.
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