Caption This

Oh, Shep. You are the dog I have always longed for. I love you. But I must tell you something. I am bird flu-positive.


Post your own funy caption in a comment if you wanna.

I have become comfortably numb.

I just got back from the dentist after having another filling done. Blah. The filling part didn't hurt, but the damned shot did. Ouch. But, without the shot, there would be even more pain - lol. So, now my mouth and tongue are all numb and I have little pieces of filling floating around my mouth, and the taste....yuk! I keep biting the insides of my cheek and my tongue cuz I can't feel a damned thing! lol.

Well, People magazine picked out there 50 most beautiful people in the world, and of course, Angelina Jolie is gonna be the cover girl. I don't know what is so great about her, personally. Ok. So she does visit poor countries and adopt their kids, but I still don't get it. Yeah, she's pretty and all, but there are prettier people than her (Jennifer Aniston for one). And excuse me, but how come Hugh Laurie is not on the list?? He is one hot-damn, fine-looking man. He needs to be on the list. Just look at him!


ooh la la !!

They picked Ryan Seacrest, but didn't pick him??? Geez ! I am surprised Simon didn't say something about it on AI last night - hehe.

Ok, so I have a thing for older men. I think they are sexy. I think men with graying hair look distinguished and handsome. And I still think Harrison Ford is damned hot. I am entitled to my opinion, so there.

I wonder if they gave her some calamari as a parting gift

Miss Pickler, the calamari-lovin' American Idol wannabe is out! Thank gosh. No more comas for me (hopefully). I still think she is cute and kinda kooky, so no doubt she'll get some kind of deal to sing country songs or something. That is her fortè. I am just glad to see that Elliot was not down in the bottom group (for once).

Phobia of The Day

Teratophobia: Fear of bearing a deformed child or fear of monsters or deformed people.

Random Fact of The Day

Saturn's rings are about 500,000 miles in circumference but only about a foot thick.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

Rudeness Rules

"Do not talk during a movie unless you have something important to say. (Example: 'My water just broke.') You may talk quietly during the previews of coming attractions.

EXCEPTION: Halle Berry"

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Sorry. Wrong turn.)

Polish thief flees to ... police headquarters

ROME (Reuters) - A Polish shoplifter took a very wrong turn -- towards Rome's police headquarters -- while fleeing a supermarket with two stolen bottles of alcohol.

Hearing screams of "Stop thief!", heavily armed police just outside the building cooly grabbed the 19-year-old, a police spokeswoman said on Thursday.

Stunned, the crook immediately confessed and handed over the liquor.

"Yes, I stole the bottles. But not this chocolate," he said, pointing to a candybar he had purchased earlier, according to Il Messaggero newspaper.

Three of his friends, spectators to the event, were arrested as accomplices, the spokeswoman said.

Everybody fear...another Federspears is near!

Another dreary day in Bako. It is raining.....again. It is gray and cloudy and blah outside. How are you supposed to be all upbeat when it is gloomy outside? I want hot cocoa!!! Where is my hot cocoa, gosh darnit?

Speaking of blah, I had to get my picture taken for employee of the month today. I hate having my picture taken. Blah!!! Next time I have to have a picture taken, I am gonna hire a stand-in.

I feel a migraine coming on. I took an Advil this morning cuz I woke up with a headache, and the headache is still alive and kicking in my brain, right behind my right eye. Grrr. It is the curse of the migraine which comes along with PMS. It is so not fun. At least I am leaving work early cuz I have a doctor appointment. I hope, hope, hope, it does not progress into a migraine. I hate them.

I read that Britney Spears is pregnant again. Here comes the unavoidable punch line...go ahead and cringe, cuz it's bad..."Oops, she's knocked up again." According to US Weekly, Federspears is preggos again. Looks like K-Fed has got another Federbun in the oven. Like the world needs more K-Fed spawn. Hasn't he already proven that he has the ability to fertilize the world? Oh gosh, please don't let that happen! Use some birth control people! We don't need anymore wife-beater wearing, cornrow -haired, mooching wannabe rap stars around. One K-Fed is enough. I am (warning - terrible punch line coming up) K-Fed up!

Speaking of being fed up, I am fed up with gas prices. Gas is outrageously expensive these days. This morning I was driving and saw that gas down the street was $3.15 a gallon for regular and $3.35 for supreme. Luckily, my car uses regular, but damn! When are the prices gonna go down, and how much higher are the gonna go before they come down? I don't even want to think about it. I remember a few years ago when gas was down to 99 cents a gallon. Why is gas so high? Obviously, the oil companies aren't hurting for money. They reported some of their highest profits ever. So why are they sticking it to the little guy? That is what I wanna know. Freakin-a.

Phobia of The Day

Lilapsophobia: Fear of tornadoes and hurricanes.

Random Fact of The Day

The average tornado moves from southwest to northeast, but tornadoes have been known to move in any direction. The average forward speed is 30 mph but may vary from nearly stationary to 70 mph.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

Rudeness Rules

"If you're in the express lane, and the sign says 10 ITEMS OR LESS, then you should have no more than...OK, we'll allow twelve items. We're not Nazis here.

EXCEPTION: Halle Berry can have as many items as she wants"

Stupid News Story of The Day

(If this was their reward, I hate to think what their punishment would be.)

School Sends Kids to Closed Amusement Park

RENO, Nev. - Four bus loads of students from O'Brien Middle School made the four-hour trip to Six Flags Marine World in Vallejo, Calif., only to find the amusement park's gates locked Monday. The school-sponsored trip was supposed to reward top students.

"It was pretty much a fiasco," said Washoe County School District spokesman Steve Mulvenon. "They ended up wasting a day that those kids could have better spent in class or doing what they were going to do at the park."

School officials said the $50 fee will be refunded, and the tour company that arranged the trip has agreed to pay for the next one. "The tour company neglected to check the schedule," Mulvenon said.

"It is just a bummer for the kids," said parent Jeff Wood. "Now, they will have to wait another month to go and a lot of the kids might not be able to go then."

Principal Scott Grange said the school was even given printed tickets with Monday's date on them.

"But shame on us for not checking," he said.

How bad are you??

How bad are you? Take this quiz and find out:

http://www.thesite.org/flash/dodgy.html


Just for the record, I am good - lol

Upstanding

How refreshing that there are still people around like you, who respect society and the law. Your Grandparents would be proud. You have a good knowledge of the law and a good public spirit, or you have rarely left the house… Either way - keep it up old fruit!

Based on your answers, we have calculated the maximum penalty for your crimes*

Years in prison: 0.5 Potential fine: £5000

*Please note this is just a fun quiz so don't be alarmed by your score! The maximum penalty has been taken for each crime and no consideration for scale of crime committed.

Someone call Dr House...I have fallen into a Kellie-induced coma

Ok. I expected much more from American Idol tonight that what I got. Love songs. Perfect subject for a singer. Well, I thought the only decent one was Chris tonight, although I did like Katharine (despite what the judges said) and I missed Elliot's performace (I was driving home from Veronica's house when he was singing- damnit!). Here is my rundown for each singer:

Katharine: good but not great
Elliot: (missed it)
Kellie: blah...blah...and more blah. More like the Unending Melody. I fell into a coma listening to her.
Paris: ok, but kinda oversang the song.
Taylor: The first of his performances I didn't care for. Too bland.
Chris: awesome!

My bottom 3, based on tonight's singing:

Kellie, Paris and Taylor (sorry - I just didn't like it!)

best of the night: Chris, without a doubt.

worst: Kellie (still trying to wake up from that Kellie-induced coma I fell into)

I can't say anything for Elliot, since I missed his performance, but in the recap, he sounded good.
So, now House is on, and that, hopefully, will erase my memories of Kellie's blah blah performance. Sexy doctors tend to do that - hehe. Damn, Dr House is a handsome man. But I digress. DAMN! lol.

On the bad side of tonight (as if there could be something worse than Kellie's singing), is that my mom called and said she heard (from my aunt Helen) that her sister is now under hospice care, and we all know that hospice is the end of the line. It is so sad. I guess she was rushed to the ER twice in the last week cuz the pain was so bad, yet she always says everything is fine. I think she now knows that we all know everything is not fine. Ugh! Life sucks!!!

Caption This...

University students, Janet and Thomas, rethink taking Dr. Johanssen's literature course after seeing the reading list.



Post your own funny caption in a comment if you would like.

Employee of the month...me?? Are they nuts??

I found out today that I am the employee of the month for May 2006. That is pretty cool. I never thought I, ME (like, oh my gosh), would ever be nominated for anything - lol. Yeah, I was employee of the quarter a few times at Marshalls, but there were like 30 people there, not over 1000 - lol. I am pretty stoked about it, since I feel now like people actually notice that I work pretty gosh darned hard and that the little things I do for people are, in fact, being appreciated (not that I NEED validation or anything, but I'll take it if it is offered - lol). The only bad thing is that they take your picture and put it on a poster and hang them all over the building so people everywhere can see my ugly mug. I HATE having my picture taken. I was gonna ask if they can just draw a caricature of me or something, but I don't think that will fly. Oh yeah, and then they have an EOM celebration in the cafeteria and everyone gets cookies and punch and they present you with some certificate and you get a nice, close-to-the-building parking space for a month or something. The parking space thing is cool. Especially on those working Fridays when everyone has to park in the back, and that back lot fills up really quick. So, I am pretty happy right now about it. Just not about the picture part - lol. Yay for me - lol. Still, I think there are others who are just as deserving, in fact, more deserving than me.

Maybe, since I have to get another filling in another tooth on Thursday, this EOM thing is life's way of equalizing pain and happiness - lol. Or maybe I am just full of crap (I am leaning toward the latter).

Phobia of The Day

Ophidiophobia - fear of snakes

Random Fact of The Day

Scorpions look like little land-dwelling lobsters, but are actually related to spiders, ticks and mites and belong to the order Arachnida.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"Fellow Americans, we must ask ourselves: Do we truly believe that ALL red-state residents are ignorant, racist, fascist, knuckle-dragging, NASCAR-obsessed, cousin-marrying, roadkil-eating, tobacco-juice-dribbling, gun-fondling, religious fanatic rednecks; or that ALL blue state residents are godless, unpatriotic, pierced-nose, Volvo-driving, France-loving, left-wing communist latte-sucking, tofu-chomping, holistic/wacko, neurotic, vegan weenie perverts? Yes. This is called 'diversity,' and it is why we are such a great nation - a nation that has given the world both nuclear weapons AND Spongebob Squarepants."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(This is your brain on drugs. Any questions?)

Santa? No! It's Naked chimney guy!

SAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) - Believing they had a botched burglary on their hands, police in Hayward, California, called to a house instead found a naked man wedged in its chimney, a police officer said Monday.

"He didn't have a stitch on," Lt. Gary Branson of the Hayward Police Department said, referring to Michael Urbano.

The 23-year-old man came home early Saturday morning and, finding himself locked out and without his keys, tried to enter the single-story house through its chimney.

"He told us he took off his clothes because as he was going down the chimney the clothes would rub up against it and slow him down," Branson said. "If it was skin on cement he felt he would go down easier."

Urbano's effort ended disastrously when a cable-television wire he used to lower himself snapped. He fell and was wedged in a section of the chimney tapering into the home's fireplace.

For the next four hours he cried out for help. A neighbor called police and fire fighters, who dislodged Urbano, Branson said. Officers booked Urbano for being under the influence of drugs, he added.

It's Monday - I wish I were still in bed, but then, I say that every work day. The weekend seemed to go by way too fast. I did get a lot accomplished this weekend. Stuff I had been meaning to do for weeks finally got done. And I even got to go on a drive yesterday just for fun. Still, the weekend did have its down spots. For instance, I managed to break a pen and got ink all over me. It looked like I had little black freckles all over my arms and on my face. Then, my watch band broke. I just bought that damned watch maybe 2 weeks ago and it already broke. Maybe that is why it was on sale....hmmm. I also managed to break a ceramic planter while I was cleaning my patio and cut my thumb while cleaning up the broken pieces. Yep, that is definitely a ME thing to do. I am so clumsy!!! I break things while cleaning. Figures. Oh yeah, I also knocked a shelf off the wall in the kitchen. Luckily, it was a small shelf that just had some paper cups on it, so the damage was minimal - lol. Last night, I had such a bad headache. I don't think it was a migraine cuz it invaded pretty much the whole front of my head and not just one side. But it did make me feel really dizzy. Kinda like a drunk feeling, only without the alcohol and without the fun. It was just plain ouch!

So now it is lunch time, and I am not very hungry. Of course, about 2 pm I will be starving, no doubt, and it will be my fault for not eating. I made ravioli last night and was gonna bring the leftovers to work for lunch, but, of course, I forgot! Which, again, is a very ME thing to do.

I was watching that new show, So NoTORIous, that shows on VH1 last night, and was surprised at how much I liked it. Now, I have never been a Tori Spelling fan...not at all. But the show is hilarious! She basically pokes fun at herself in the show and is pretty brave about doing it. I was really surprised at how funny it is. When I first heard about the show, I thought, oh gosh. That is gonna be lame. So I didn't bother even watching it. But now...now I think I am gonna tune in more often. It is hella funny.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

Rudeness Rules

"If you're in a supermarket checkout line, and you realize that you forgot an item, you're allowed to go get it, provided that (1) you apologize to the people behind you, (2) you know exactly where the item is, and (3) you hurry. If you forget TWO items, take your cart out of line. You are not allowed to leave your cart blocking the line while you wander the aisles trying to recall the ingredients of Beef Tongue Flambeau.

NOTE: Before you serve beef tongue to innocent people, you should think about the kinds of things that cows lick."

Phobia of The Day

Ranidaphobia: fear of frogs

Random Fact of The Day

The Pronghorn is the only animal in the world with branched horns (not antlers) and the only animal in the world to shed its horns, as if they were antlers.

Stupid News Story of The Day

(There are just some jobs where being naked is dangerous...and this is one of them.)

Carpenter Charged With Working in the Buff

OAKLAND, Calif. - A carpenter who keeps his clothes clean by working in the nude was arrested after a client returned home early and found him building bookcases in the buff.

Percy Honniball, 50, was charged with misdemeanor indecent exposure this week for the October incident.

He told officers he stripped before crawling under the client's house to do electrical work because he didn't want to soil his clothes, police said.

Honniball said Thursday that working in the nude gave him a better range of motion and that a skilled craftsman can work clothing — and injury — free.

"In certain situations such as demolitions where you are smashing rock you want to be clothed and protected because this rock can harm you," he said.

Honniball was caught working naked in Berkeley three times in the last six years and put on probation for violating a city ordinance. Honniball said he doesn't plan to do work in his birthday suit again.

Police said he apologized to the startled homeowner, but was fired. The homeowner paid Honniball for the finished work, but deducted $200.

"He kept out that amount to change his locks," Oakland Police Officer Jesse Grant said.

Tule Elk at the Tule Elk State Reserve near Buttonwillow, CA - Yes, there really are elk out there, but they were pretty far off.
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