"Stupid humans! Why couldn't they just have given me the damned banana instead of torturing me like this?"
post your own funny caption in a comment if you wanna.
Saturday, September 30, 2006
Caption This!
"Stupid humans! Why couldn't they just have given me the damned banana instead of torturing me like this?"
post your own funny caption in a comment if you wanna.
Random Fact of The Day
The coldest temperature ever officially recorded on earth was measured atthe Russian research station at Vostok, Antarctica. The air temperature reached -128.6F (89.6C) on 31 July 1983.
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
"To you taxpayers out there, let me say this: Make sure you file your tax return on time! And remember that, even though income taxes can be a “pain in the neck,” the folks at the IRS are regular people just like you, except that they can destroy your life. "
Stupid News Story of The Day
(Hamster on the loose!)
Escaped hamster interrupts jet flight
INNSBRUCK, Austria - It wasn't "Snakes on a Plane," but an Austrian Airlines jet made an unscheduled stop Friday after a passenger sneaked a hamster aboard and the rodent escaped. The flight from Palma de Mallorca, Spain, to the southern Austrian city of Graz made a stop in Innsbruck so officials could search for the hamster and make sure it didn't gnaw through any wiring, the airline said.
It said the flight was diverted after a passenger notified the crew that he had brought a hamster aboard and had lost track of it. Passengers were ordered off the plane, and some were taken by bus to Graz. It was not immediately clear how many people were aboard.
By midafternoon, a search of the aircraft still had not turned up any sign of the hamster, authorities said.
Austrian Airlines said the jet would remain grounded until the hamster was found "because it can't take off that way for safety reasons."
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Random Fact of The Day
The word "raccoon" is derived from the Algonquian word aroughcoune, "he who scratches with his hands."
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
"Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep abreast of current events. The ground is a giant dog newspaper, containing all kinds of late-breaking dog news items, which, if they are especially urgent, are often continued in the next yard. "
Stupid News Story of The Day
(Must......play.....piano!)
Burglar betrayed by urge to play piano
AMSTERDAM (Reuters) - A burglar who broke into a house in the Dutch town of Tiel on Wednesday night could not resist playing the piano he found there after ransacking the living room, police said on Thursday.
Unfortunately for the 20-year-old thief, his music woke the owner of the house, who called the police.
"The owner didn't register whether the playing was any good or not. He was more worried about the state of his house," a police spokesman said.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
"The other day my son and I were talking, and the subject of women came up, and I realized that it was time he and I had a Serious Talk. That’s the talk every father should have with his son; and yet, far too often, we fathers avoid the subject because it’s so awkward. The subject I am referring to is: buying gifts for women. This is an area where many men do not have a clue. Exhibit A was my father, who was a very thoughtful man, but who once gave my mother, on their anniversary, the following token of his love, his commitment, and—yes—his passion for her: an electric blanket. "
Stupid News Story of The Day
(If a guy like this can get a law degree, then we should all be afraid...very afraid)
Australian law student thief caught in getaway cab
SYDNEY (Reuters) - A law student who used taxis to escape with loot from dozens of house break-ins has been jailed after police in Australia caught him red-handed in the back of a cab fleeing his latest heist.
When not studying for a masters degree in law, Phillip Ryan See, 27, used his off-time to rob 43 houses in Sydney's plush harbourside suburbs, netting goods worth more than A$110,000 ($83,000), the Sydney Morning Herald newspaper said on Thursday.
See, who once worked as a legal assistant in a government law office, would load plasma televisions, cameras, jewellery and laptop computers into the boot of a taxi after each raid.
But when a surprised home-owner discovered See during a midnight burglary, police arrested the would-be legal eagle escaping in the back of another taxi.
During a search of See's flat, police found one of their own uniforms stolen during another break-in.
See was jailed for four years and nine months after the judge accepted he had a psychotic disorder.
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
So long and thanks for all the noise
Not a whole lot has been going on around good ole Bako for a while. The fair is in town, which means there will be an overflow of teenagers eating cotton candy and puking on rides and carnies trying their best lines out on all of the young girls in hopes they might choose their ride to ride on (probably hoping the girls will be wearing skirts so they can catch the occasional glimpse of panties as they swing and sway on those cheap ass rides of theirs). Yeah. That is what the fair is about. Kids, cotton candy, puking and carnies. Some fun that is.
I have no intention of going to the fair. The fair has ceased being fun to me ever since I saw that little girl falling off of the Ferris Wheel. Nowadays, I view the fair as a dropping off place for parents to leave their kids for a few hours to let the carnies and cotton candy vendors to babysit them while they go out to dinner or a movie or whatever parents do when their kids aren't around ; ) The fair is full of rude people all trying to get to the pizza stand before the person in front of them does, so they won't be deprived of the last piece of pizza and, heaven forbid, have to wait for a fresh pizza to come out. It is a place where some dumbass in the parking lot has to point out to you where to park and where a small soda costs somewhere between $3 and $5. The fair has bathrooms that make a rest stop bathroom look spotlessly clean. It is a place that smells like a mix of corn dogs, pizza, cotton candy, body odor and cow crap. It is a place where, once you are in, you can't wait to get out.
At least, that is how I see it.
I just hate crowds. I hate crowds of teenagers even more. Not that I have anything against teenagers in general....I just hate having to try to have to push my way through crowd of them because, lord knows, they have to stop right in the middle of the walkway to tell their friends that so-and-so likes so-and-so and can you find out if so-and-so likes so-and-so....and so on, and so forth. Because you just know that EVERYONE will be talking about it in school the next day, and besides that whole war thing going on in the Middle East, THIS is THE most important thing in the world and we MUST discuss it NOW....right in the middle of the road.
Plus it is still hot here in Bako. They don't call it Bakersfield for nothing. And you know that hot = sweat and there is nothing, I mean NOTHING, that I hate worse in the world than having to shove my way through a crowd of hot, sweaty teenagers.
Well, nothing aside from having to sit through a marathon of Steven Seagal movies while I am being interrogated by police officers in a room infested with fire ants and Paris Hilton clones while a ferret bites my toes and a moose chews on my hair. Not that I have ever experienced that, but I would assume that it would be somewhat worse than being in the middle of a crowd of hot sweaty teenagers. I will let you be the judge of that.
Anyway, on a good note, my noisy, rude, idiotic neighbors have moved away! YES!! Finally I will get some sleep!!! I can tell you that I was soooooooooooo happy when I saw that they are no longer living next door to me. It was a happy, happy day indeed.
I have to go to the opthomologist tomorrow, which sucks ass, but at least I know that when I come home from there and when I am blind from having my eyes dilated, I know that I can come home and lie in bed with the lights out and the shades drawn and be able to take a nap, because my noisy neighbors are gone!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!! Woo hoo!!!
Peace and quite rocks!!
I have no intention of going to the fair. The fair has ceased being fun to me ever since I saw that little girl falling off of the Ferris Wheel. Nowadays, I view the fair as a dropping off place for parents to leave their kids for a few hours to let the carnies and cotton candy vendors to babysit them while they go out to dinner or a movie or whatever parents do when their kids aren't around ; ) The fair is full of rude people all trying to get to the pizza stand before the person in front of them does, so they won't be deprived of the last piece of pizza and, heaven forbid, have to wait for a fresh pizza to come out. It is a place where some dumbass in the parking lot has to point out to you where to park and where a small soda costs somewhere between $3 and $5. The fair has bathrooms that make a rest stop bathroom look spotlessly clean. It is a place that smells like a mix of corn dogs, pizza, cotton candy, body odor and cow crap. It is a place where, once you are in, you can't wait to get out.
At least, that is how I see it.
I just hate crowds. I hate crowds of teenagers even more. Not that I have anything against teenagers in general....I just hate having to try to have to push my way through crowd of them because, lord knows, they have to stop right in the middle of the walkway to tell their friends that so-and-so likes so-and-so and can you find out if so-and-so likes so-and-so....and so on, and so forth. Because you just know that EVERYONE will be talking about it in school the next day, and besides that whole war thing going on in the Middle East, THIS is THE most important thing in the world and we MUST discuss it NOW....right in the middle of the road.
Plus it is still hot here in Bako. They don't call it Bakersfield for nothing. And you know that hot = sweat and there is nothing, I mean NOTHING, that I hate worse in the world than having to shove my way through a crowd of hot, sweaty teenagers.
Well, nothing aside from having to sit through a marathon of Steven Seagal movies while I am being interrogated by police officers in a room infested with fire ants and Paris Hilton clones while a ferret bites my toes and a moose chews on my hair. Not that I have ever experienced that, but I would assume that it would be somewhat worse than being in the middle of a crowd of hot sweaty teenagers. I will let you be the judge of that.
Anyway, on a good note, my noisy, rude, idiotic neighbors have moved away! YES!! Finally I will get some sleep!!! I can tell you that I was soooooooooooo happy when I saw that they are no longer living next door to me. It was a happy, happy day indeed.
I have to go to the opthomologist tomorrow, which sucks ass, but at least I know that when I come home from there and when I am blind from having my eyes dilated, I know that I can come home and lie in bed with the lights out and the shades drawn and be able to take a nap, because my noisy neighbors are gone!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!! Woo hoo!!!
Peace and quite rocks!!
Random Fact of The Day
The first asteroid discovered was called 1 Ceres, and it was discovered by Giuseppe Piazzi in 1801 in Palermo in Sicily.
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
"What happens if a big asteroid hits Earth? Judging from realistic simulations involving a sledge hammer and a common laboratory frog, we can assume it will be pretty bad."
Stupid News Story of The Day
(Apparently, he knows the way to E-Bay.)
Three-year-old buys pink convertible on eBay
LONDON (Reuters) - Jack Neal briefly became the proud owner of a pink convertible car after he managed to buy it for 9,000 pounds on the Internet despite being only three years old.
Jack's mother told the BBC she had left her password for the eBay auction site in her computer and her son used the "buy it now" option to complete the purchase.
"Jack's a whiz on the PC and just pressed all the right buttons," Rachel Neal said.
The seller of the second-hand car, a dealer from Worcestershire, was amused by the bid and agreed not to force the sale through.
"Luckily he saw the funny side and said he would re-advertise," Neal said.
Monday, September 25, 2006
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
"The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning "ability to," and bics, meaning "withstand tremendous boredom."
Stupid News Story of The Day
(Gentlemen, plug your noses!)
Skunk supporters gather in northern Ohio
NORTH RIDGEVILLE, Ohio - People from as far away New Mexico and the Netherlands were in northern Ohio over the weekend, getting up close and personal with skunks.
Skunk owner Jeri Lynn Poling says others may not understand, but skunks make great pets and are soft and cuddly. She thinks having a rat or a lizard or a snake is weird.
Poling and other polecat enthusiasts gathered in North Ridgeville, about 25 miles southwest of Cleveland, for the sixth annual Skunkfest.
The event raises money for Skunk Haven, a nonprofit group that saves and rehabilitates injured skunks. And, pet skunks compete in beauty, personality and costume contests.
By the way, they all pass the sniff test, because those domesticated skunks are deodorized.
___
Information from: The Plain Dealer, http://www.cleveland.com
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Random Fact of The Day
It wasn't until the 3rd installment in the Friday The 13th series that Jason Voorhees gets his trademark hockey mask.
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
"You should do your own car repairs. It's an easy way to save money and possibly maim yourself for life."
Stupid News Story of The Day
(Yet another reason to not drink and drive.)
Man threatens bikers, gets hit with car
PITTSBURG, Calif. - An alleged drunken motorist who brandished a pool cue while driving at a group of motorcyclists was hit by his own car after he attempted to approach the bikers on foot, authorities said.
Richard Brooks, 50, of Concord, was pulled to safety by the motorcyclists after his car — which he left in reverse — knocked him into the highway on Thursday, said Officer Scott Yox of the California Highway Patrol.
Brooks, who was arrested on suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon and driving under the influence, told authorities he was offended by skeletons some of the riders wore on their leather Harley-Davidson jackets and what he perceived as their attempts to appear tough.
"It was his impression that they thought they were better than him," Yox said. "They were irritating to him and he felt he needed to do something about it."
Yox said authorities had no evidence the riders instigated the incident. "Instead of mocking him for going after them, they perhaps set their own safety aside to reach over and rescue him from a position of danger," he said.
Brooks, who was treated at a hospital for cuts and scrapes, remained jailed Friday in lieu of $30,000 bail.
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