Ain't this the truth - hehe

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"If drumsticks are for playing drums, you'd think breadsticks would be for playing bread, wouldn't you. 'Would you like some breadsticks?' 'No thank you. I don't play bread, I play drums. Perhaps I'll have a drum roll.' "

Stupid News Story of The Day

(No wonder he was the most popular ice cream man in town)

Cops Give Ice Cream Man a Frosty Reception

MEMPHIS, Tenn. - An ice cream man felt the heat from law enforcement after he was arrested on charges of selling drugs along with his other frosty fare.

Authorities said Marshall Gene Beasley, 27, could be facing more chilling bars — those of prison — after he repeatedly sold undercover officers marijuana over the past two months while selling ice cream. He was arrested Wednesday.

"This is a guy going down neighborhood streets who's around and near children," said David McGriff, drug task force director. "I'm not saying he sold to children, but we bought marijuana from him while he was operating the ice cream truck."

The company Beasley worked for will get back the truck and its stock because there's no evidence the business knew of his activities.

Goings on

I am relieved. I am at ease for the first time today. I was so nervous because I had to be a witness in a state hearing today. I always get nervous when it comes to anything where I may have to speak in front of people (case in point...my high school graduation where I was salutatorian and had to give a speech, and when I got to the podium, my speech was not there and I totally messed it up - ugh). The hearing thing was not bad at all. They didn't even ask me any questions. So, now I feel better, and I can relax. AHHHH. Maybe I will be able to sleep tonite - lol.

The weather has been crazy. For a while, it was getting up into the 90's, but this week it has been in the high 70's and low 80's. But this weekend, it is supposed to get back up to the 90's again, and is supposed to stay in the 90's all next week, too. Yesterday it got all cloudy and windy, and today it is kinda windy too. Weathermen here must be going nuts.

Tomorrow is Friday! Woo hoo! Next week is a 4-day work week, and then I am on vacation! Of course, I have to go to the opthamologist next Wednesday, and that is gonna suck big time. I hate having my eyes dilated! Sometimes, it sucks to be me - lol.

Some things I hate...

I hate it when I am in an elevator, and the elevator stops and the door opens and there is someone standing directly in front of me. Instead of moving aside to make room for me to get out, he/she tries to push me aside to get into the elevator. I guess they're afraid the elevator will "take off" without them. Ugh!

I hate it when I am the next person in a long line at a store and a new cashier walks to his/her register and calls for the "next person in line" (which is ME), and a person 2 persons behind me goes over to that register. Apparently, the word "next" takes on a new meaning while standing in lines. Ugh!

I hate it when I am driving through a parking lot and there are people walking smack dab in the middle of the lane, and they seem completely oblivious to anyone and everything, and totally unaware that the lane is wide enough for them to walk on the side so cars can get by them. Ugh!

I hate it when I am walking down the aisles at work (which are pretty narrow), and see up ahead that a group of 3 or more people have congregated in the aisle to talk, knowing full well that they won't move an inch to make room for me to walk by. I always have to say "excuse me" and HOPE they actually move. Ugh!

I hate it when I am all comfy and cozy sitting on my couch at home, eating a snack and watching CSI (or some other good show) and the phone rings, and it is a telemarketer asking me if I want to change my phone service or some other crap like that. Why do they always have to interrupt me when I am comfy? Ugh!

I hate it when I am sound asleep, and then wake up in the middle of the night, only to hear my neighbor's crappy music booming through my walls. Why does he have to pick 3 am to listen to his loud music instead of when I am at work? Ugh!

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Ready....aim....fire! ... ouch)

Teen Trying to Kill Snake Shoots Himself

PORT WENTWORTH, Ga. - A snake in the grass is to blame for a teenager shooting himself in the leg, police said. A 16-year-old boy was mowing his lawn Tuesday when he saw a snake slithering toward his dogs, which were chained in the front yard, police said.

Worried about the canines, the boy ran inside and grabbed a .22-caliber pistol, said Port Wentworth police Sgt. Loren Scholes.

The boy came back outside and when he saw the snake at his feet, he hastily aimed and fired. The bullet entered his right calf and exited near his heel, Scholes said.

The boy was taken to an area hospital. Police said the wound was not life-threatening.

Scholes said he did not know what kind of snake it was, but "from what he described, it sounded as big as a freight train." The sergeant added that the reptile apparently escaped unscathed.

Feelin' funky

I'm in a sort of funk lately. I can't get motivated to do anything, thus my unmade bed and some of last week's laundry still on hangers on my doorknob. My computer is misbehaving as well. For some reason, I can't get my cd-rom drive to load up any cd-rom programs or play any audio cds. UGH! Sometimes I feel like the force is against me - lol. I got some new programs at home (before the cd drive debacle happened) for my computer, and I have been trying to learn how to use em. I got Photoshop 7, Paint Shop Pro 8 and Adobe Illustrator. I like art and I want to learn to make some graphics (yes, I am a geek). That is the only motivation I have had as of late. I sit and try to write sometimes, but I can't think of anything good to write. And sometimes when I do write, it seems pretty good at the time, but then when I go to read it later on, it seems like crap. I dunno. Maybe I am too hard on myself.

The truth is, I haven't written a poem or story in months. I haven't even sketched anything in the last few months, aside from my doodles at work. I get obsessed with things for a while, then get bored and find something new to get obsessed over. Like drawing...I was drawing all the time for a while...then I started in on writing... then playing guitar...then it was computer stuff. I wish I could just find something to do and stick with it - lol.

I am always sleepy these days. I think I have become somewhat jaded as far as work goes. It was nice at first to not have to deal with cases and clients, but sometimes I get so bored. There are only so many games I can play...(and Yahoo only has one new crossword puzzle per day - lol). Still, I would rather not be overloaded with work again. I would like to obtain some kind of happy medium...not too much work, but not too little. People will probably think I am crazy for wanting work - lol. I do get to be in charge of the decorating for the 4th of July in our unit. That is something right up my alley - hehe.

Here it is, Wednesday...Hump Day. It feels like it should be Friday already. This week is dragging along....crawling along more like it. And it is not even 3 pm yet. Sheesh. Why does time never fly when you are doing something you don't like doing, but fly by too fast when you are enjoying yourself? One of life's little unfairnesses I guess.

I can't wait for my vacation! I really can't. I am so looking foward to not having to get up early in the morning just to go to work. Even if it is only for a week or so. Plus, I get to see the Grand Canyon for the first time. I know it doesn't seem like much, but to me, it is a lot. I am gonna take so many pictures! Also, I may go back to Yosemite next weekend, since all of the roads (except Tioga Rd) are now open. I love that place. It is so pretty there. Chris talked about it, so we'll see what happens.

Ok, I have blabbed on for long enough. Time to get back to work.

Stupid News Story of The Day

(She's just crazy about goats...or maybe she's just crazy)

Woman lays waste to property with 43 goats

BERLIN (Reuters) - A German woman living with 43 goats was evicted from her rented house after the animals left "knee-high" piles of droppings around the garden and laid waste to the building's interior, authorities said Tuesday.

A court in the southwestern town of Saarburg said the woman had been forced out because she was behind on her rent and had allowed the condition of the house to deteriorate to such an extent that it may have to be torn down.

"The goats' droppings were basically piled up knee-high around the garden, and inside the house everything was chewed up. And it stank," said court spokesman Manfred Grueter.

"It was total chaos," he added. "It's pretty doubtful as to whether the place can still be lived in."

The woman, a freelance artist in her early forties, had resisted eviction on the grounds her life with the goats had been used to create a "social sculpture" inspired by the German sculptor Joseph Beuys.

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

" 'Everything comes in threes.' Not true. In reality, everything comes in ones. Sometimes, when three 'ones' come in a row, it seems like everything comes in threes."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Something smells fishy in here)

Australian customs hear fishy noises, nab woman

MELBOURNE (Reuters) - An Australian woman was found to be carrying 51 live tropical fish after custom officials were alerted by "flipping" noises coming from beneath her skirt as she arrived at Melbourne airport.

On closer inspection, officers discovered the woman had strapped on an apron of plastic water-filled bags containing the fish, the Australian Customs Service said in a statement on Tuesday.

"During the search, customs officers became suspicious after hearing 'flipping' noises coming from the vicinity of her waist," said the statement.

The 43-year-old woman arrived in Melbourne on a flight from Singapore last Friday. Customs are still trying to determine what type of fish she brought into the country and have not yet charged her with an offence.

She could face charges for breaking quarantine and customs laws for bringing in the fish without giving a declaration.

A search of the woman's home in Melbourne found another five fish.

This is a picture of the woman's skirt - Smells like fish down there ...sorry, that was bad....but I couldn't help it. This is just too easy - lol

Well color me special

Your IQ Is 125

Your Logical Intelligence is Exceptional Your Verbal Intelligence is Genius Your Mathematical Intelligence is Above Average Your General Knowledge is Genius

A Quick and Dirty IQ Test

Quickies

Why do people, including myself, say something is "as funny as hell"? Hell isn't funny. I can see why people say "mad as hell", but not "funny as hell." Hell is only funny if you are crazy. Charlie Manson is crazy. Maybe he thinks hell is funny, but then he's Charlie Manson. I am not going to say something is "as funny as Charlie Manson." Even though that makes about as much sense as saying "funny as hell."

The same goes for sayings like, "I would bend over backwards for you." I think that would only be useful if you really wanted to see some acrobatics and there wasn't a circus in town. I don't think it would help in situations like, let's say, you needed a ride to work. Bending over backwards can only take you so far.

I never got the expression, "by the skin of my teeth" either. As far as I can tell, teeth don't have any skin.

Speaking of teeth, want to hear something stupid I did when I was a kid? (even if you don't want to hear, I am still writing it here, so there...)... I watched this movie called Endangered Species when I was a kid. Well, I kinda snuck out of bed, and peeked while my parents were watching it. There was a scene where this guy sneaks in this other guy's bathroom and puts some kind of poison on his toothbrush. The guy brushes his teeth, and later on, he starts bleeding from his mouth and he ends up one big, dead, bloody mess. I was so freaked out by that, that I didn't brush my teeth for a month.

And what about these children's songs? I was searching for some childrens' song midi files to put on my friend's weblog, and I found some "cute" ones, including "Rockabye Baby." The music is cute and all, but when you think about the lyrics, you realize that it is one sick, twisted song.

Rockabye baby, on the tree top

When the wind blows, the cradle will rock, (so far, so good)

When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall,

And down will come baby, cradle and all. (WTF!!!)

Ok...I gotta stop thinking! I tend to ramble on too much - hehe.

Monday...ugh

I am so tired. I slept pretty good last nite. Even went to bed early (if you call 11:30 early - lol). I took a sleeping pill last nite to ensure that I would get a good nite's sleep, so what's the dealio? I took a bit of a nap at lunch time, opting for rest instead of food. Don't know if that was a good idea or not. I caught a bit of insomia this weekend. I didn't go to bed Thursday nite til about 3:30 am...then Friday, I went to bed around 4 am, and Saturday I went to bed around 5 am. Maybe that is why I am so sleepy - lol. Waking up at 6:30 this morning was not easy.

I didn't do much this weekend. I did go to the grocery store on Saturday, which I HATE doing. But it wasn't so bad, because it wasn't that busy. I spent nearly $80 for what seemed like not a whole lot of stuff. Figures. I did color my hair this weekend. It was necessary. I was getting way too many gray hairs. If there is one thing that I am vain about, it is my hair. I don't like seeing those gray hairs. They remind me of how old I am getting - hehe.

I rewatched Napoleon Dynamite last nite. I have to tell you, that movie is as funny as hell! I was busting up when Napoleon was doing his boogie after Pedro's speech. That white boy can move! Equally funny is this picture I came across on the internet.



This is some of the cast of the movie... from left to right, we have Pedro (Efran Ramirez), Kip (Aaron Ruell), Uncle Rico (Jon Gries), Napoleon (Jon Heder), and the screenwriter/director, Jarod Hess. Now, compare that picture to this one....


That is, from left to right, Uncle Rico, Napoleon, and Kip. They look so much different in real life. How funny.

Vote for Pedro!

Anyway, not much happened this weekend. It was another lazy-ass weekend, but that's ok. I kinda like it that way once in a while. The weather has actually cooled down a bit. It is only supposed to be in the high 70s - 80's this week....until Saturday when it is supposed to be 90. I am not quite ready for all the 100 degree days just yet...and neither are my plants!

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Maybe it's time to call AA)

N.C. Officials: Man Comes to Court Drunk

DURHAM, N.C. - A man smelled of alcohol and stumbled when he appeared in traffic court to answer allegations that he didn't comply with penalties arising from a drunken driving case, court officials said.

So court officials performed a blood alcohol test on Johnnie Patt Ndogo, 55, who registered a concentration of 0.23 percent, nearly three times the state's impairment standard of 0.08 percent and more than double the 0.10 he registered at the time of his driving-while-impaired arrest.

Durham County District Court Judge Marcia Morey promptly found Ndogo in contempt of court Friday and jailed him for three days.

Assistant District Attorney Jim Dornfried said he saw Ndogo stumble in the courtroom.

"He clearly was appreciably impaired, although he did not appear to be what I would call falling-down drunk," Dornfried added.

Ndogo told court officials he had consumed the alcohol a day earlier, and that a friend drove him to court Friday morning.

Non-profound thoughts

I was thinking today about vegetarians. Some of them eat veggies for health reasons...ok, fine. But others eat veggies because they don't want to eat any living thing. Well, veggies live, too. They are living things just like animals. And who is to say that they don't feel anything....hmm...I get tired of these PETA people telling us to not eat animals because of "moral reasons." I eat meat and I am not going to stop eating it just because some people tell me to. It is not a crime. I am not being immoral because I have an occasional burger. Some of the PETA people go way too far, even acting militant. I hate it when people take things to the extreme just because they feel they HAVE to. Abortion opposers bombing abortion clinics...PETA people throwing blood on fur coats...It is not right. I think people should start a PETV group...People for the Ethical Treatment of Vegetables, too. I don't see anyone representing the veggies.

Stupid News Story of The Day

(This is your brain on drugs...any questions?)

Prisoner in Jam With Pot PB&J Sandwich

THOMASVILLE, Ga. - A man serving time for burglary at Thomas County Prison is in a new jam. Authorities say Curtis Hall tried to sneak illegal drugs in a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Prison officials said Friday that Hall brought the sandwich back to the prison from work detail. About 3 grams of marijuana were found wrapped in plastic between the peanut butter and jelly.

"They're not supposed to return with anything," said Peggy Chapman, spokeswoman for the state Department of Corrections.

Hall, 43, was charged with possession of marijuana across a guardline. He will be transferred to a different prison, Chapman said.