Tuesday, February 06, 2007

I got your phallus right here

Just when I thought I had heard the lamest new story ever (see previous blog post on the Boston "bomb scare"), I hear something even lamer.

Well, now some "sharp-eyed" critics are saying that Prince's half-time show was, how shall I put this.....phallically tainted.

(is phallically even a word? If not, it should be)

Well this whole thing came about because of this image:



It seems some dumbasses say that the way Prince held his guitar makes it look like he is holding a giant penis. Ummmm....since when do penises have sharp pointy ends and have skinny "j" shaped balls???? Someone needs to go back to sex-education. Or just go on the internet and do a search for "penis." I am almost positive you will find something that way.

Now, I am not a Prince fan. I didn't even watch the Super Bowl (gasp!). But this is just so idiotic that I had to blog about it.

People are just super-sensitive or are so bored that they have to invent things to complain about. Next thing you know, someone will say that they can't pledge their allegiance to the flag because the flagpole looks like a giant penis. Or they can't eat oranges cuz they look like the boobs (or maybe like the boobs of an Oompa Loompa). Or the reason they can't go grocery shopping is because everything in the fruits and veggies section looks like boobs, penises, balls or vaginas. Good lord people! Are you such sexual deviants that EVERYTHING you look at reminds you of sex???

Well, I admit that I think like that, but that is beside the point.

Besides, you don't hear me complaining about Prince's guitar now, do you?

I am gonna write someone and complain about Rosie O'Donnell. She reminds me of an asshole.

And add Kevin Federline to that letter. He is a dick. Get rid of those people. Just stop them! They are causing irreparable harm to my psyche. (that sounded pretty sophisticated, huh)

When you get down to it, perception is all in the eye of the beholder. If you see a mountain out in the distance, you might see it as a mountain, while someone else will see it as a hill. And then the perverts will see boobs or an ass. Some crazy person may tell you it is a giant orangutan holding a banana.

We shouldn't be worried about Prince and his guitar. We should be worried about all these perverts out there who looked at a guitar and saw a penis.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Monday, February 05, 2007

I am glad I stayed awake this time...

I just watched The Sarah Silverman Program on Comedy Central. (I missed it last week cuz lazy ass me fell asleep!)....damned funny show. Laughed my sleepy ass off. Finally, another tv show worth watching. Just thought I would pass that on before I crash.

Me so sleepy.

It's a mad, Mooninite world

Ok. This has got to be the official lamest news story in the whole entire universe of stupid news stories. And being that some of those news stories have involved Britney Spears, that is saying a lot!

(And yes Jeff, I know you already blogged about this, but it is my turn now.)

Turner Broadcasting agrees to pay $2 million
By Mac Daniel, Globe Staff

Attorney General Martha Coakley announced this morning that Turner Broadcasting System will pay $2 million in restitution and other compensation for last week's bomb scares that paralyzed parts of the Boston region.


(there was more to this story, but I don't want to post it. It is just too stupid.")

Anyway, it seems some people posted some signs that look like this



around Boston, as an ad campaign for Cartoon Network's coolest show, Aqua Teen Hunger Force (hey, it is the coolest show - Frylock rocks!)

Well, some stupid assholes around town reported the signs as "suspicious devices" to the police, who sent out bomb squads to check them out. What started out as an ad campaign, ended up as mass paranoia, as the police shut down subways, closed freeways, etc.

Now, these signs were posted around in 10 other cities some 2-3 weeks before this incident in Boston, but did you hear anything on the news about it? No. Because they did not perceive them as a threat, or were "obviously not suspicious."

Granted in a post 9-11 America, people are overly cautious, but hell, it looked like a lite-brite! And it was a Mooninite not Osama Bin Laden.

It is just so idiotic that people actually thought that a lite-brite-like sign was a bomb. And even more idiotic was the police response to the "threat." At least take a look at one of them before you declare it a bomb threat and create mass hysteria.

If people can look at a sign like that and think it is a threat (I assume they thought the fact that the Mooninite was giving us the finger...something he always does at the beginning of the tv show ... is a threat), I wonder what will be next.

"Oh look at this milk carton I found on the sidewalk. I better report it. There is a picture of missing kids on the carton. Must mean that there is going to be a mass kidnapping" Better get the police!!!!!!!!"

People, just stop it!

on a completely unrelated note, here is a funny quote I saw on Doug Benson's blog (don't worry - he is a comedian, not a terrorist)

"HANNIBAL RISING

That's what Anthony Hopkins yells whenever he takes a Viagra."


That Doug Benson is one funny dude.

Oh, and on another completely unrelated note, I watched The Squid and The Whale this weekend. That was one awesomely-great movie. I highly recommend watching it. It was probably the best movie I had seen in a long, long, long time.

Sunday, February 04, 2007

Yosemite - January 2007

I finally updated my travel blog with pics of my last trip to Yosemite. You can read all about it and see the pics by clicking HERE .

Phobia of The Day

Helminthophobia: fear of being infested with worms

Random Fact of The Day

The Giant South African Earthworm can grow up to 22 feet long and 1 inch thick.

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

You Know You're In A Small Town When:

- The restaurant closes at lunch so the waitress can go home and eat.

- The mayor's nickname is 'Greasy Dick' and besides appearing on the ballot, it also appears on his driver's license.

- The fashion boutique/post office is located in one corner of the hardware store between the used milking machines and the pay toilet.

Stupid News Story of The Day



(Oh the things people will do to look fabulous.)

Getting fabulous hair takes a bit of bull ... semen


LONDON (Reuters) - An upmarket London beauty salon says it can give your hair the ultimate shine by treating it with a mixture that includes semen from thoroughbred bulls.

Hari's in ritzy Chelsea offers a 45-minute "Aberdeen Organic Hair" treatment that involves massaging a protein-rich mixture of bull semen and a plant root into the client's hair, a spokeswoman told Reuters on Friday.

Owner Hari Salem told media that he tried hundreds of products -- including wild avocados and truffle oil -- before hitting on bull semen as the elusive element in a formula for making hair look gorgeous.

"The semen is refrigerated before use and doesn't smell," Salem told the Metro newspaper. "It leaves your hair looking wonderfully soft and thick."

He said the treatment will remain on offer providing the bulls can keep up the supply.

Caption This!



There it goes. There goes the last of my dignity.

Post your own funny caption in a comment if you wanna.

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