Oh Christmas Tree...

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yummm

You Are a Trifle

No doubt, you have many intricate layers. But deep down, you're a little squishy.

What Holiday Food Are You?

Phobia of The Day

Cibophobia: fear of food

Random Fact of The Day

In Holland, you can be fined for not using a shopping basket at a grocery store.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"Why not have an old-fashioned Christmas for your family this year? Just picture the scene in your living room on Christmas morning as your children open their old-fashioned presents.

Your 11-year-old son: "What the heck is this?"

You: "A spinning top! You spin it around, and then eventually it falls down. What fun! Ha, ha!"

Son: "Is this a joke? Jason Thompson's parents got him a computer with two disk drives and 128 kilobytes of random-access memory, and I get this cretin TOP?"

Your 8-year-old daughter: "You think that's bad? Look at this."

You: "It's figgy pudding! What a treat!"

Daughter: "It looks like goat barf."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Burn, baby, burn)

Man sets self aflame in Calif. protest

BAKERSFIELD, Calif. - A man used flammable liquid to light himself on fire, apparently to protest a San Joaquin Valley school district's decision to change the names of winter and spring breaks to Christmas and Easter vacation.

The man, who was not immediately identified, on Friday also set fire to a Christmas tree, an American flag and a revolutionary flag replica, said Fire Captain Garth Milam.

Seeing the flames, Sheriff's Deputy Lance Ferguson grabbed a fire extinguisher and ran to the man.

Flames were devouring a Christmas tree next to the Liberty Bell, where public events and demonstrations are common.

Beside the tree the man stood with an American flag draped around his shoulders and a red gas can over his head.

Seeing the deputy, the man poured the liquid over his head. He quickly burst into flames when the fumes from the gas met the flames from the tree.

The deputy ordered the man to drop to the ground as he and a parole agent sprayed him with fire extinguishers.

"The man stood there like this," the deputy said with his arms across his chest and his head bent down, "Saying no, no, no."

The man suffered first degree burns on his shoulders and arms, Milam said.

Kern County Sheriff's Deputy John Leyendecker said the man had a sign that read: "(expletive) the religious establishment and KHSD."

On Thursday, the Kern High School Board of Trustees voted to use the names Christmas and Easter instead of winter and spring breaks.

**** yes, this happened in my home town. What a surprise. hehe

Phobia of The Day

Tapinophobia: fear of being contagious

Random Fact of The Day

It was illegal to sell E.T. dolls in France because there is a law against selling dolls without human faces.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"We never look outside (in Miami) on Christmas morning to discover that the landscape has been magically transformed by a blanket of white, unless a cocaine plane has crashed on our lawn. (The Miami Herald - Dec. 07, 2003) "

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Roadkill anyone?)

Kentucky fears loss of traditional critter dish By James B. Kelleher

OWENSBORO, Kentucky, Dec 22 (Reuters Life!) - Kentucky, the untamed western frontier when the American colonies declared independence in 1776, is struggling to keep a taste of its past alive -- a stew traditionally made from roadkill and veggies.

Kentucky revels in its wild west past with the name of legendary frontiersman, Daniel Boone, attached to motels, medical clinics, a national forest and even a state highway.

So it is of mounting concern in one corner of Kentucky, just south of the Indiana border, to see waning interest in a traditional dish known as burgoo that Boone himself almost certainly ate.

Burgoo is a stew-like soup of meat and vegetables that the settlers who poured through the Cumberland Gap survived on as they tamed this region. It featured whatever meat -- squirrel, rabbit or possum -- the backwoodsmen bagged on any given day.

But Owensboro in the western part of the state is now one of the few places where burgoo is still served in restaurants, at church picnics and barbecue cook-offs, albeit in a slightly updated form.

In many ways, burgoo is similar to Brunswick stew, another one-pot, slow-cooked dish popular in the south.

But unlike Brunswick stew, which has been embraced by epicures, burgoo is just a generation removed from its roots as a roadkill-and-veggie ragout. Indeed, in the late 1990s, during the scare over mad cow disease, health officials warned Kentuckians to stop eating squirrel brains, which, like squirrel meat, remains a something of a delicacy here.

"It's basically a poor man's food," says Pat Bosley, whose family runs the Moonlite Bar-B-Q Inn in Owensboro, which bottles burgoo and sells it by mail order.

"There's a whole lot of wild game in burgoo's history."

POPULARITY WANING

In the run-up to the Kentucky Derby, burgoo -- now usually made with chicken and pork -- is as ubiquitous as mint juleps.

But during the rest of the year, it's hard to find -- except in Owensboro.

Settled by Welsh sheep herders, the city of about 54,000 on the Ohio River is the burgoo capital of Kentucky, which means the burgoo capital of the world, and the stuff is a year-round fixture on the menus of places like the Moonlite, Old Hickory Pit Bar-B-Q and George's Bar-B-Q.

As a result, lovers of the folk food make the trek to Owensboro to satisfy their craving.

"It's a big deal in this community and a big source of tourism dollars," says Jody Wassmer, the president of the Greater Owensboro Chamber of Commerce, who grew up in southern Indiana, where a burgoo-like stew with turtle meat is popular.

"You can go to the Moonlite Bar-B-Q on a Saturday afternoon and count the out-of-state licence plates."

The cooks in Owensboro, however, honour the city's Welsh founders, and burgoo's gamey roots, by making their version of the stew with barbecued mutton.

"It gives it a -- I don't want to say gamey flavour, because that's got a negative connotation -- but a robust flavour," says Bosley.

A burgoo-making contest is also one of the highlights of Owensboro's annual International Bar-B-Q Festival where there as many recipes as chefs.

But Bosley says as time passes, the taste for burgoo even here in Owensboro is waning as chain restaurants push the traditional mom-and-pop restaurants out of business.

"We sell less and less of it every year," said Bosley. "It's a folk food so the old timers still want it. But fewer and fewer young people are eating it. The tradition's being lost... (and) it dilutes the food heritage of this country. It's sad."

Almost Christmas!

It's almost Christmas, and being in a very giving mood, I am gonna share some of my Christmas art with you. Click HERE to visit my eSnips folder. There are some cute Christmas graphics , created by me (hehe), which you can download. Merry Christmas!!!!!!!

Caption This!

Tragedy struck the Manhattan Ballet Corp earlier today when, due to a mix up in the choreography, Jacques Van Helm jumped up and landed on Serge Kinski's head. It took 3 hours for doctors to remove Kinski's head from Van Helm's ass. Sadly, Kinski perished in this horiffic accident, which since has been dubbed, "Death by Asshole."

post your own funny caption in a comment if you wanna.

Phobia of The Day

Basophobia: fear of walking or falling

Random Fact of The Day

Hummingbirds can't walk.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"-- Gifts for Children -- This is easy. You never have to figure out what to get for children, because they will tell you exactly what they want. They spend months and months researching these kinds of things by watching Saturday- morning cartoon-show advertisements. Make sure you get your children exactly what they ask for, even if you disapprove of their choices. If your child thinks he wants Murderous Bob, the Doll with the Face You Can Rip Right Off, you'd better get it. You may be worried that it might help to encourage your child's antisocial tendencies, but believe me, you have not seen antisocial tendencies until you've seen a child who is convinced that he or she did not get the right gift. "

Stupid News Story of The Day

(How many Big Macs can I get for one dead cat?)

Patrons toss dead cat through drive-thru

CEDAR RAPIDS, Iowa - An employee working the drive-through window at a McDonald's will have a tale to tell. When the worker went to the open window thinking the car pulling up had already ordered, the people in the car threw a dead cat through the window, police said.

Cedar Rapids Animal Control officer Matt McAtee said the black domestic shorthair appeared to have been dead for a while.

"It looked like somebody had picked it up off the road," McAtee said.

Police were called to the restaurant about 8:45 p.m. Tuesday.

The people in the car drove off. A description of the car was not available, but employees knew the people in the car, police said.

No charges had been filed. The investigation was continuing.

McDonald's officials declined comment.

___

Information from: The Gazette, http://www.gazetteonline.com/

10 Things That Sound Dirty At Christmas...and Probably Are

My own personal version of this list - hehe

10. Can I shake your package?
9. Those balls are too big for your tree.
8. Wow! Is that package for me?
7. It gets sticky when you lick it.
6. Come sit on Santa's lap and tell me what you want.
5. Your tree looks limp. Let me give it a little something.
4. It looks so nice that I wanna unwrap it really slow.
3. I am so stuffed that I can't even unzip my pants.
2. It looks like there is a lot of stuff in Santa's sack.
1. I can't wait to play with my toys!

Phobia of The Day

Ombrophobia: fear of rain or of being rained on.

Random Fact of The Day

In the year 2000, Pope John Paul II was named an 'Honorary Harlem Globetrotter.'

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"For the special dog on your holiday list, we recommend a highly scientific nutritional water specifically formulated for dogs. It comes not only in bacon flavor, but also in chicken and beef. These flavors entice the dog to drink the water, which contains, according to the manufacturer, a 'proprietary blend of vitamins, antioxidants, and electrolytes.' Of course if they REALLY wanted the dog to drink this water, they would give it the flavoring that dogs love most of all: toilet."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Was she trying to check him for tumors to save on a doctor bill?)

Woman puts baby through airport x-ray

LOS ANGELES - A woman mistakenly put her 1-month-old grandson through an X-ray machine at Los Angeles International Airport, authorities said.

A startled security worker noticed the shape of a child on the carry-on baggage screening monitor and immediately pulled him out, the Los Angeles Times reported for a story in Wednesday's editions.

The infant was taken to a local hospital, where doctors determined he did not receive a dangerous dose of radiation.

"This was an innocent mistake by an obviously inexperienced traveler," said Paul Haney, deputy executive director of airports and security for the city's airport agency.

The incident happened early Saturday, airport officials said.

Haney said in 1988, an infant in a car seat went through an X-ray machine at the Los Angeles airport.

Phobia of The Day

Chaetophobia: fear of hair

Random Fact of The Day

Forensic scientists can determine a person's sex, age, and race by examining a single strand of hair.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"Another Christmas is looming and this husband, terrified that he will screw up again, has been wracking his brain for gift ideas for his wife. Nothing automotive this time: He won't make THAT mistake again! He's thinking something more romantic, like maybe a Weed Whacker. But he's not sure. He's a nervous wreck. A lot of us men are. That's why we buy gifts at the very last minute, or, optionally, never. It's not that we're thoughtless jerks! Well, OK, thoughtless. But not jerks! We're doing our best to get through a stressful season. So on behalf of all men, I ask you women to cut us some slack and accept us for the imperfect beings that we are compared to you; and above all, in the spirit of that great Christmas carol, bring us some figgy pudding."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Here comes the bitch...)

Dog weddings called off on grounds of cruelty

NEW DELHI, Dec 17 (Reuters Life!) - A Hindu wedding ceremony of 18 dogs has been called off in India after hardline religious groups and animal rights activists said it was a mockery of the religion and cruel to the canines, a newspaper reported on Sunday.

The marriage of nine dogs to nine bitches to promote canine culture was expected to take place on Sunday in the northwestern town of Jaipur, the Times of India reported.

But the wedding which, according to Hindu rituals involves sitting in front of a sacred fire and exchanging flower garlands, was canceled after groups including People for Animals (PFA) criticized the event.

The marriage would also have included a procession and a huge feast with a special dance party. Event management company B Positive and the Pink City Canine Club were organizing the spectacle.

"In my opinion, marriage of dogs is cruelty on animals," the newspaper quoted the PFA's chairman Naresh Kadyan as saying.

"People hold the front legs of the dogs against their will and force them to dance, which is cruel. The lights, noise, sound used in these kinds of events also hurt them."

The organizers said they were sorry for hurting people's sentiments but added they still planned to go ahead with the other events, including a beauty pageant for "unmarried dogs."

Watch Cartman Sing "O Holy Night"

Video Clip

Click "play" to watch a clip from a holiday classic: A Christmas Story

Separated at birth?

What do you think?

Caption This!

Bananas ? Again? Crap! I wanted an X Box.

Post your own funny caption in a comment if you wanna.

Phobia of The Day

Aulophobia: fear of flutes

Random Fact of The Day

Flu shots only work about 70% of the time.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it Christmas and went to church; the Jews called it Hanukka and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say Merry Christmas! or Happy Hanukka! or (to the atheists) Look out for the wall!"

Stupid News Story of The Day

(This is your brain on drugs...any questions?)

Woman tells cop she bought 'bad crack'

HAWTHORNE, Fla. - A North Carolina woman was arrested after complaining to a police officer that the crack cocaine she had just purchased wasn't very good, authorities said.

Eloise D. Reaves, 50, approached the Putnam County sheriff's deputy at a convenience store Friday, telling him that another man had sold her "bad crack" that contained wax and cocaine.

She pulled an alleged crack rock out of her mouth and placed it on the deputy's car for inspection, the Palatka Daily News reported for Tuesday editions.

The deputy told Reaves that she would be arrested if the crack tested positive for cocaine.

She was charged with possession of cocaine and bonded out for $1,504.

A Christmas song - by me

What can I say....I am in a creative mood tonite.


It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas,
Crowds in ev'ry store.
Take a look in the parking lot,
It's filled up around the block,
With people pushing their way to the door.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas,
The streets are full of cars.
The pissed look on ev'ry person's face,
Is quite enough to erase,
Any Christmas joy.

A parking space just for me, and a a six-foot Christmas tree,
Are my wishes for my shopping trip.
But people that kick and grab and spit,
Are probably what I will get.
Boy I can hardly wait for Christmas to be over again!

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas,
Ev'rywhere you go.
And the stores are as crowded as can be,
Not much room for you and me,
Please remind me to shop online next time.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas,
There'll soon be sales you know,
And you thought it was hell before,
But wait just one day more,
That's why I stay home.

That's why I stay home.

Merry Christmas from my little guys

Merry Christms From Lil Oreo

Phobia of The Day

Ochlophobia: fear of crowds or mobs

Random Fact of The Day

The word 'Indiana' is Native American for 'Land of the Indians', yet less than 16,000 Native Americans live there.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"The basic idea behind malls is that they are more convenient than cities. Cities contain streets, which are dangerous and crowded and difficult to park in. Malls, on the other hand, have parking lots, which are also dangerous and crowded and difficult to park in, but -- here is the big difference -- in mall parking lots, THERE ARE NO RULES. You're allowed to do anything. You can drive as fast as you want in any direction you want. I was once driving in a mall parking lot when my car was struck by a pickup truck being driven backward by a squat man with a tattoo that said Charlie on his forearm, who got out and explained to me, in great detail, why the accident was my fault, his reasoning being that he was violent and muscular, whereas I was neither. This kind of reasoning is legally valid in mall parking lots."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Roll over...now sit up and beg. Good dog.)

Man given costume option for slaying dog

PAINESVILLE, Ohio - A man who shot his Great Dane in the head may have his jail sentence reduced if he dresses up as a dog.

Municipal Judge Michael Cicconetti offered Thursday to cut Robert M. Clark's sentence to 10 days in jail if he wears a Safety Pup costume and visits the city's five elementary schools. The mascot educates children about issues ranging from traffic safety to drug abuse.

Clark, 38, pleaded no contest to an animal cruelty charge and was sentenced to 180 days in jail for shooting his dog.

Cicconetti suspended all but 30 days of Clark's sentence if he pays the Lake County Human Society for the dog's veterinarian bills. The judge then offered to cut an additional 20 days if Clark dresses up as Safety Pup.

Clark was arrested July 3 after neighbors reported hearing the dog's cries and police found the injured animal. The humane society took the dog to an emergency veterinary clinic, but he suffered brain damage and had to be euthanized, the group said.

Clark is appealing the sentence, court officials said.

I love snow!

You Are a Snowman

Friendly and fun, you enjoy bringing holiday cheer to everyone you know!

What Christmas Ornament Are You?

Vixen

You Are Vixen

Sexy and sultry, you're the one all the other reindeer dream about. Why You're Naughty: That fur pulling spat you got into with Dancer over Santa. Why You're Nice: Because even when you're nice, you're still delightfully naughty!

Which of Santa's Reindeer Are You?