After watching some REALLY cheesy movies tonight, I am dubbing the Sci-Fi Channel as "Must Suck TV." Earlier today, this stupid movie called House of the Dead was on. It was about these stupid kids who go to an island for a party and end up being food for zombies.
Later, I was "treated" to this movie called Jolly Roger, which was about some silly pirate who liked cutting people's heads off and making stupid jokes while doing it. I don't know what was worse...the acting, the stupid death scenes or me for having watched it. Just when I think I have seen the lamest movie on earth, I see another movie that is even worse.
Next up is Jason X. Yeah, Jason. He STILL isn't dead. After all of these movies, why is Jason still so mad??? He got the stupid campers and avenged his mother's death already, so why is he still so pissed off? He needs to take a vacation. And somebody get that boy a prescription for some valium!
At least tomorrow the annual Twilight Zone marathon starts. That will redeem the Sci-Fi Channel for a few days at least.
Saturday, July 01, 2006
Thursday, June 29, 2006
A warped mind
I don't have much to say today, except for, yes it is gonna be hot again, and yes, I am sleepy again....but these days, those two things apply to everyday - lol.
I was watching tv last night when a commercial for one of those memory foam mattresses came on. Now, I would love to have one of those things, but they are hella expensive - like $1000 or more. I am sorry, but I don't have a grand to spend on a mattress. BUT....if you request info on the mattress, they do send you a piece of this temper-pedic foam (developed by NASA!) in the mail. I figure, if I get enough people to request info on the bed, then if they all give me their free samples, I will have enough foam to make my own bed for free. Who's with me?
I was watching tv last night when a commercial for one of those memory foam mattresses came on. Now, I would love to have one of those things, but they are hella expensive - like $1000 or more. I am sorry, but I don't have a grand to spend on a mattress. BUT....if you request info on the mattress, they do send you a piece of this temper-pedic foam (developed by NASA!) in the mail. I figure, if I get enough people to request info on the bed, then if they all give me their free samples, I will have enough foam to make my own bed for free. Who's with me?
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
Beginner's Guide To Traveling By Air
"PROHIBITED OBJECTS: You may not take knives, guns, spears, spear guns, flamethrowers, catapults, missiles, armored personnel carriers, GI Joe dolls, sharp objects or cheeses, scary animals such as squid, pointy Madonna-style brassieres, or anything else that could be used to inflict harm, such as a DVD of the movie Gigli. If you know karate or kung fu, you may take your hands on board, but you must keep them clasped tightly under your armpits throughout the flight. You may carry nail clippers, provided that you padlock them shut and give the key to the pilot upon boarding."
Stupid News Story of The Day
(When you gotta watch, you gotta watch!)
Man pulls TV from house fire to watch match
BEIJING (Reuters) - A Beijing football fan refused to let the small matter of his house burning down disturb his enjoyment of Tuesday's World Cup match between France and Spain.
A fire broke out in a hutong in the centre of the Chinese capital at 3am local time on Wednesday -- kickoff time in Hanover -- and gutted the traditional courtyard dwelling, the Beijing Daily Messenger reported.
"When the neighbours shouted 'fire!', I took my little baby and ran out in my nightclothes," the man's wife told the paper.
"My husband paid no attention to the danger, just grabbed the television and put it under his arm.
"After getting out of the house, he then set about finding an electric socket to plug in and continue watching his game."
The anti-social timing of the matches broadcast from Germany, which is six hours behind China, has forced some Chinese fans to go to great lengths to follow the action.
One man quit his job in Beijing to return to his hometown Chongqing so he could watch the whole tournament uninterrupted.
State news agency Xinhua reported that the 23-year-old's boss at the IT company had offered him a pay rise, but he turned it down flat, saying the World Cup was more important than his job.
The Guangzhou Daily reported that local police were forced to release a thief arrested for stealing a mobile phone when the victim refused to press charges because he did not want to miss the start of a match.
Although there are also many female World Cup fans in China, one man in the southeastern city had to sign a contract with his wife agreeing to do all the housework during the month of the finals so he could watch the matches at night.
Another from Putian, Fujian province, took a less diplomatic approach, Xinhua reported.
When his cheers during the Argentina-Ivory Coast match woke his wife and she switched off the television, he locked her in their bedroom and settled back down to watch the game ignoring her loud protests.
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Random Fact of The Day
Crocodile babies don't have sex chromosomes; the temperature at which the egg develops determines gender.
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
The Constitution Conundrum
"Chapter Three
'Yes,' said Hugh, 'incredible as it seems, there are extra words written in the margin of the U.S. Constitution, and nobody ever noticed them until now! They appear to be in some kind of code.'
'Let me look,' said Desiree. 'In addition to being gorgeous, I am a trained code breaker. Oh my God!'
'What is it?' asked Hugh in an excited yet concerned tone of voice. 'The message,' said Desiree, 'is....'
But just then, the chapter ended."
Stupid News Story of The Day
(Up, up and......oops.)
'Superhero' tells fans not to imitate stunts
MUMBAI (Reuters) - Bollywood's new flying superhero has asked fans, especially children, not to imitate his onscreen death-defying stunts after a man leapt off a cinema balcony in central India, breaking his leg.
"The action scenes are meant to be enjoyed, not imitated. Please do not indulge in these stunts," Hrithik Roshan, who plays "Krrish," a Superman-style hero who saves the world from a mad scientist, wrote in a newspaper on Monday.
Newspapers said at least two people had hurt themselves trying to imitate the stunts from the film that opened last week.
A 24-year-old man was in a hospital with a fractured leg in the central city of Bhopal after he leapt from a cinema balcony and landed on the audience below.
An 11-year-old boy also suffered injuries in a separate accident, newspapers said, but no details were given.
"Those action scenes are dangerous... I did the action scenes with full safety precaution," Roshan said.
"...stop scaring me by trying to do my stunts in Krrish."
The $10 million "Krrish" opened to huge box-office collections, as children and adults made a beeline to watch Bollywood's own superhero leap from tall buildings, beat up the baddies and woo his lady love with song and dance.
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
PETA in bikinis
There is a protest going on across the street at KFC. It is a big protest. It is a 4-person crusade to keep people from going to KFC. Yes, PETA is protesting outside of KFC....and some of them are in bikinis.
Granted, it is hot outside, but do you think people are gonna take you seriously when you are outside in the 100+ degree weather in bikinis and high heels, waving around a sign like a lunatic? If anything, you are gonna attract KFC even more business (probably of the male kind), and maybe a few "customers" of your own. It is Union Ave after all (to those non-Bako people, Union Ave is well-known for the hookers who roam the streets, holding down their corners). Too funny. Only in Bako would people protest in bikinis.
Hope they wore sunscreen!
Granted, it is hot outside, but do you think people are gonna take you seriously when you are outside in the 100+ degree weather in bikinis and high heels, waving around a sign like a lunatic? If anything, you are gonna attract KFC even more business (probably of the male kind), and maybe a few "customers" of your own. It is Union Ave after all (to those non-Bako people, Union Ave is well-known for the hookers who roam the streets, holding down their corners). Too funny. Only in Bako would people protest in bikinis.
Hope they wore sunscreen!
Do not sleep and drive
I was watching tv last night....a really STUPID movie as a matter of fact called Leeches which was worse even than that piece of crap Miner's Massacre, but I digress ... when a commercial for Lunesta came on. As many people know by now, since the danged commercial is on like every 10 minutes, Lunesta is a sleep aid. Well, as they were reading off the list of side effects, which were many, they said probably the most stupid thing I have ever heard..."Until you know how Lunesta will affect you, do not drive while taking it." Ok. Here's the conundrum.... Lunesta equals sleep. To drive, you must not be asleep. To drive, you need to be awake. So why on earth do they need to tell people not to drive while taking a sleep medication?
Why? I will tell you why. Because people are STUPID. I am sure even Forrest Gump would tell you that taking sleeping pills before driving is just a plain idiotic thing to do. But people are, and will always be, STUPID. That is why we have to have warning labels on coffee, a traditionally HOT beverage, telling people it is, in fact, hot. That is why we have warning labels on windshield shades telling us to remove the shade before driving. That is why we have instruction labels on shampoo bottles telling us how to use their product, because God help us if we forget that critical rinse step in the hair washing process. That, my friends, is why we have a label telling us not to drive after taking a pill that is designed to make us fall asleep.
I feel almost offended that they actually have instructions on a shampoo bottle. I may not be the brightest crayon in the box, but even I know how to use shampoo. It is not like I am gonna stand there, bottle in hand, wondering what to do with it. Open....squeeze out shampoo....lather into hair...rinse....and repeat if you really want to or if you have really dirty hair It is a simple process. Common sense will tell you how to do it. I imagine even if there were no instruction label on the bottle, even a chimp could figure out how to use the stuff. But, we are STUPID. We need instruction labels to tell us that a Hot Pocket, after you heat it up in the microwave, will, in fact, be HOT. C'mon. The name of the product alone gives that away. If it were called Cold Pocket, I could, perhaps, see a need for a label. But it's a HOT Pocket....HOT! A label should not be needed here.
There are certain things that really don't need much explanation. Like knives. Knives cut through bread and steak and other food things, so it would be safe to assume that you might not want to use that knife on, let's say, your finger (unless you are REALLY hungry). Common sense would tell you that a cutting tool could maybe, you know, cut you. Same thing with a saw or a drill. Anything that is gonna do some damage to food, wood, or metal or anything else that is tough to do damage to will do damage to you, too, if you use it on yourself. So you might not wanna do that. Keep the pointy end away from your skin.
Other things, like a computer, are a little more complicated and need an instruction manual so that the owner of the product can throw it away and then complain that the thing doesn't work when he or she can't turn it on.
Then, there are the really stupid warning labels that say things like "keep chainsaw away from genitals." Someone somewhere must have actually done that at one time, you would think, because who on earth would think of putting a chainsaw down there??? Oh yeah. STUPID people.
So the next time you pop a Lunesta and then think, "It sure is a nice night for a drive," remember...without people like you, warning label writers would be out of a job.
Caption This!
Due to budget constraints and a lack of available playing fields, the next World Cup will be played underwater with turtles serving as goalies.
post your own funny caption in a comment if you wanna.
Why does life have to suck so much?
My mom called me yesterday afternoon, telling me she had gotten a message from her sister, and for the first time since she was diagnosed with cancer, she sounded very down, saying things were about the same, but she was "slowing down." I know this is not a good sign, because my aunt Marge was always very positive and very determined. But now, it sounds like she has finally given up the fight. I don't expect her to last too much longer, and I don't know if that is a good or bad thing. I mean, I know she is in a great deal of pain and to be away from that pain would be a good thing, yet it must be so hard for my poor uncle to have to watch his wife slowly die like that. I know he doesn't want her to go. It is just a bad situation all around, and my poor mom is clearly stressed and sad over it all. I hate to see her so sad like that. It hurts me to know she hurts. I was writing a note to my aunt on a card and sending her some pictures of Yosemite to maybe cheer her up, but I found myself at a loss for words. What do you write on a card like that? You can't say "Hope you get well soon," or anything like that, because, well, we all know she is not going to get well. And to say that I hope she feels better just sounds stupid because I know she won't feel better no matter what. So, I just said "take care." Those words sound so small and stupid, but that was all I could write. That was all that I could think that would make any sense.
It just sucks...cancer, you know. I had to watch my grandma die earlier this year, and that was a hard thing to do. To watch her waste away. To have to watch her struggling to talk and to move. It was more than I could take. I can't even begin to imagine what my uncle Martin must be going thru, or her kids and grandkids. And I always find myself at a loss for words in situations like that. I never know what to say or do. I never know if something I say might cause them pain, so I often just shut up. I guess all a person can do in that situation is to offer their shoulder to cry on or to offer support. But that somehow seems so insignificant. Like it's not nearly enough. Yet it is all I can do.
I hate to start a morning on such a down note, but I had been thinking about it all last night and into this morning and just had to get it out of my system.
It just sucks...cancer, you know. I had to watch my grandma die earlier this year, and that was a hard thing to do. To watch her waste away. To have to watch her struggling to talk and to move. It was more than I could take. I can't even begin to imagine what my uncle Martin must be going thru, or her kids and grandkids. And I always find myself at a loss for words in situations like that. I never know what to say or do. I never know if something I say might cause them pain, so I often just shut up. I guess all a person can do in that situation is to offer their shoulder to cry on or to offer support. But that somehow seems so insignificant. Like it's not nearly enough. Yet it is all I can do.
I hate to start a morning on such a down note, but I had been thinking about it all last night and into this morning and just had to get it out of my system.
Random Fact of The Day
The lungfish can live out of water for three years in a state of suspended animation.
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
"On a recent Sunday afternoon on Biscayne Bay in Miami, I watched as twenty-eight teams of courageous young people - and here I am using the word 'courageous' in the sense of 'completely out of their minds' - competed in an event called 'Flugtag.' Flugtag (pronounced 'floog tog') is sponsored by Red Bull-brand extreme energy beverage, which tastes like Limp Bizkit sounds. I tried one, and it gave me a refreshing lift. I hope to be able to sleep again by Halloween. In Flugtag (which is German for either 'Flying Day' or 'Make Sure Everybody Signs a Liability Waiver') competitors build experimental, human-powered aircraft, then push them off a thirty-foot-high platform and see how far they can fly. The answer is: not very far."
Stupid News Story of The Day
(Fire is not the answer.)
Teen burns down house over test grades
TOKYO (Reuters) - A Japanese boy burned down his home, killing his stepmother and two younger siblings, for fear his parents would find out he had lied about his score on an English test.
The 16-year-old, whose name has not been released, is thought to have set fire to the house in Nara, western Japan, and left his stepmother to die along with his 7-year-old brother and 5-year-old sister, domestic media reports said on Saturday.
The boy's parents had been due to attend a meeting with teachers about his exam results that same day, reports said. The teen-ager told police his father, a doctor, had put him under extreme pressure over his academic performance, Kyodo news agency said.
Monday, June 26, 2006
Caption This!
>I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh-darnit, people like me!
Ok, 1 out of 3 aint' so bad, ya'll.
Post your own funny caption in a comment if you wanna.
It's draggin' ass Monday, and yes, mine is draggin'
God, it's Monday again. I hate Mondays. I hate them. I hate them! The only consolation I have is that I will be inside this nice, air-conditioned building while it is blazing hot outside, and it won't go on my PG&E bill - hehe. It is 8:30 am and already 86 degrees outside and the humidity is about 40%, which is high for us in B-Town, and I, frankly, am just not used to it - lol. It is pretty bad when the high temp is gonna be 105 and the low is gonna be 80. I looked and the low in Death Valley, one of the hottest places on the planet, is 89. The low temp here is only 9 degrees lower than one of the hottest places on earth. That is just plain wrong! Plain wrong I tell you! WRONG!
I am already getting a headache, too. I just sincerely hope it doesn't become a migraine. Oh please, spare me a migraine. Please!
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
The Constitution Conundrum
Chapter Two
"'What is it?' said a woman Heckman had never seen before who happened to be standing next to him. She was extremely beautiful, but wore glasses as a sign of intelligence.
'My name is Desiree Legume,' she said.
Heckman felt he could trust her.
'Look at this!' he said, pointing to the Constitution.
'My God, that's incredible!' said Desiree. 'It's going to be very surprising when we finally reveal what we're talking about!'
(End of Chapter)"
Stupid News Story of The Day
(There's nothing worse than a drunken old bird.)
Calif. pelicans held on suspicion of being drunk
LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Four pelicans suspected of being drunk on sea algae were being tested at a Southern California wildlife centre on Saturday after one of them crashed headlong into a car.
Three of the California brown pelicans were found wandering dazed in the streets of Laguna Beach after another pelican struck a vehicle's windscreen on a nearby coast
It suffered internal injuries and a long gash in its pouch and was undergoing toxicology tests.
Officials at the Wildlife Care Centre said the seabirds may have been under the influence of algae in the ocean that can produce domoic acid poisoning when eaten.
The other pelicans were rounded up after assistant wildlife director Lisa Birkle warned the public to be on the lookout for birds acting "drunk," disoriented or being in an unusual place.
Shellfish tainted with domoic acid was thought to be the culprit behind a 1961 attack of seabirds on people and cars in the oceanside California town of Capitola that inspired Alfred Hitchcock's horror movie "The Birds."
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