Sometimes I have nothing better to do than to complain...

I have nothing interesting to say today. I am tired of working on cases. I have practically been working non-stop on cases all day today. Grrrr. I just want to go home where there are no cases.....none...zip.........nada.

The fog reared its ugly head today. Just when I thought that maybe, just maybe, we would get out of winter with no fog. So much for that idea. I guess Mother Nature had other plans...the bitch.

Is it me, or does that chick on the new Taco Bell commercial (you know...the one for the cheesy bean and rice burrito) seem to be mouthing the word "fuck" at the end of the commercial? Maybe it's just me...but I don't think so. For shame, Taco Bell. For shame. Do you not realize that some deaf people watch tv and that some of them can read lips? How do you edit tv for the lip readers?? Of course you know I am joking. I hate it when they edit the movies on tv. It completely ruins them, and besides, we all know what they are really saying. Get over it already you prudes! If you don't like it, don't watch it.

But I digress.

Anyway, it is finally Friday and I am pooped. I wanna go home now. I wanna lie on my bed and listen to the radio, with not a complex thought in my head. Hell, I would lie in bed all weekend, 24 hours a day if I didn't have to get up and pee and eat from time to time. Yes, that is how lazy I can be. You don't believe me? Well, I will just have to prove it. Ha ha!

I really wanna see that movie Hostel that came out today. It looks really gross-out and cring-inducing. Just the way I like my movies.

Is it time to go home yet?

No?

Damn.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"I went to an art show called Art Positions, which was a group of large, walk-in shipping containers set up on the beach, serving as mini art galleries. Serious Art People drifted seriously from container to container. I managed not to say anything stupid until I encountered a slide projector sitting on the floor, projecting a rectangle of white light and twitching lens dust onto the wall. I asked the gallery person if there was supposed to be a slide in the projector; he patiently explained that, no, this was a work of art titled Autofocus Slide Projector Dust. I didn't ask why it was on the floor, because I didn't want to make a total fool of myself."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(What did the Christmas tree ever do to you?)

Man Allegedly Torches Christmas Tree

GLENDALE, Calif. - Police arrested a man who allegedly torched the city's 30-foot-tall Christmas tree in retaliation for a parking ticket.

Bruce Morrison, 52, was arrested Wednesday at his Glendale home and was booked for investigation of arson, Sgt. Oscar Rodriguez said. He was released after posting $50,000 bail.

The tree at the Civic Center's Parcher Plaza was reduced to charcoal last Friday night. Witnesses told police that they saw a gray-haired man leaving the scene in a blue pickup truck shortly before the fire started.

Sgt. Ernie Garcia of the department's arson unit said the city will seek restitution of the tree's $2,500 cost and another $5,000 in decorations and fencing that were destroyed in the fire.

Rose Bowl Woes

It was a real nail-biter down to the very last second. I could barely watch, but I knew it would end with the Longhorns winning after they regained possession of the ball in the final minutes of the game. Vince Young is just too good. There is no stopping him.

You might as well just have called it The Vince Young Bowl.

After all, it was pretty much a one man show. Yes, Texas won the Rose Bowl by 3 points, much to my dismay. Matt Leinart, Reggie Bush and Lendale White just couldn't hold off the Longhorns. But it wasn't their fault. True, Reggie Bush, the 2005 Heisman Trophy winner, flubbed the ball in an uncharacteristic error which cost the Trojans dearly, and in a bad coaching move, Pete Carroll had USC go for the 1st down on 4th and 2 when they should have gone for the field goal. But, Vince Young was too good of a quarterback (making 3 TD's, completing 30 out of 40 passes and rushing for 200 yards) and the USC defense was just lousy, leaving men open and not being able to make the tackles when they should have. USC's defense failed and lost them the game.

Reggie Bush would redeem himself in the 2nd half, scoring a TD on a 37 yard run. Lendale White was the key player in USC's offense. He is a strong guy and it took a lot of guys to tackle him to the ground. And Matt Leinart, who got off to a good start in the 1st half, but was roughed up later on and was visibly shaken, throwing a pass that was intercepted in the first half, picked himself up and shook himself off and went on to prove himself to being as good as they say he is.
Then, there was controversy. In the 1st half, Vince Young lateraled the ball to Selvin Young who made it into the end zone for a touchdown, when Vince Young's knee was clearly on the ground when he passed Selvin Young the ball. It should have been down right there, and the TD would not have counted. USC got royally ripped off there.

There was also unsportsmanlike behavior. A cheap shot to Matt Leinart, after he had already passed the ball, resulted in a flag on the play and a 15 yard gain for the Trojans. Eventually, USC would score on that possession.

But it was too little, too late. After being ahead in the 4th quarter, Texas regained the ball on a missed 4th down opportunity and Vince Young went on to score the winning TD.

Damn him! And damn USC's lousy defense.

Oh well. There's always next year.

And Matt Leinart... you are still the best.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"No matter how ludicrous the art is, a Serious Art Person will view it with the somber expression of a radiologist examining x-rays of a tumor. Whereas an amateur will eventually give himself away by laughing; or saying, 'Huh?' or (and this is the most embarrassing) asking an art gallery person: 'Is this wastebasket a piece of art? Or can I put my gum wrapper in it?"

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Stupid is as stupid does.)

Alleged Burglar Cooks, Makes Fresh Juice

ANDERSON, S.C. - Apparently, you can build up quite an appetite breaking-and-entering. James Michael Fowler, 26, was arrested and charged with burglary Tuesday after a neighbor watching the house found a pan of cocktail franks cooking on the stove and some freshly made orange juice nearby.

Anderson Police Lt. Layton Creamer says when the neighbor went to check on the home, she saw the food cooking and a black stocking cap on the kitchen counter.

Creamer said it looked like Fowler broke into the two-story house through a first-floor window.

Officers didn't find Fowler at first. But when authorities returned to collect evidence, the neighbor noticed the key to the patio door wasn't in the lock, Creamer said.

That's when police saw Fowler lying, coiled up on the deck floor, Creamer said.

After authorities surrounded the house, they arrest Fowler as he tried to get back in through the deck door.

"He heard us and was trying to make his escape," Creamer said.

Blah, blah, blah

Ever had one of those days when you just don't feeling like doing crap? Well, today is one of those days...so was yesterday, thus the absence of a blog entry. I did change my profile template though. I guess I actually did SOMETHING yesterday.

I am just tired...and achey. I hate it when I feel like this. I was pretty grumpy yesterday and am kind of grumpy today, too. I felt like crap yesterday, and today I don't feel much better. To make it worse, I have to go to the rheumatologist today, which means I will surely have to get a blood test. GRRRR. I hate needles.

On the positive side of it, it means I get to leave work at 2:30 today and not have to come back til tomorrow. As Napoleon Dynamite would say, "Sweet!"

I did do some productive things today. I actually worked some. Real work. I know. I am as shocked as you are.

I also changed my template. It looks pretty freakin' awesome if you ask me. I love to play around with Paint Shop Pro. It is my new obsession. I think I will have to toy around with the template a little more until I get it just right. I am such a freakin' perfectionist.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"Whenever I write about art, I get mail from the Serious Art Community informing me that I am a clueless idiot. So let me begin by stipulating that I am a clueless idiot. I recently attended a big art show held here in Miami Beach. It attracted thousands of Serious Art People who wear mostly black outfits and can maintain serious expressions no matter what work of art they are viewing. This is hard, because a lot of Serious Art consists of bizarre or startingly unattractive objects, or 'performances' wherein artists do something Conceptual, such as squirt Cheez Whiz into an orifice that has not been approved by the Food and Drug Administration for snack toppings."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Come on baby, light my fire.)

Man sets self on fire in courtroom after fine

SEOUL (Reuters) - A South Korean man was in critical condition after setting himself on fire on Wednesday in a courtroom where he was sentenced to a $300 (171 pounds) fine for disturbing the peace, a court official and an emergency room physician said.

The district court in Uijongbu north of Seoul had just upheld a fine he received in 2004 for causing a disturbance at a mobile phone sales outlet where he was demanding a new phone number.

The man walked out of the courtroom after the sentence, doused himself with heating oil, came back to the courtroom and set himself on fire, the court official said by telephone.

The man suffered third-degree burns all over his body and was being transported to a burn centre in Seoul, an emergency room doctor at a Uijongbu hospital that first received him said.

"His life is on the line," the doctor said.

Nobody else in the sparsely attended courtroom was hurt, the court official said.

Out with the old and in with the new

Well, a lot has happened throughout 2005. There were hook-ups (Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn to name a few)...break-ups (Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt, Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey, Paris and Paris, to name a few)... Hurricanes Rita and Katrina proved to be the biggest bitches ever...Tom Cruise jumped on a couch in the name of love...an earthquake leveled parts of Asia...Oprah appeared on David Letterman for the first time in years...Gilligan passed away...one pope died and a new one was elected...the war in Iraq continues...Bombings rocked London subways...the battle over Terry Schiavo's life was finally ended...Gasoline prices skyrocketed.

New movies and tv shows came out in 2005. The best movies that I have seen in 2005 were: King Kong, Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire, The Wedding Crashers, The 40 Year-Old Virgin, and Crash. Also some very good new tv shows came out. My favorites are Supernatural and The Colbert Report.

This year started out very wet and windy. Storms blew across California, causing flooding and even some deaths from falling trees. Even the Rose Parade was not safe from the storms, as the parade was drenched with rain for the first time in some 55 years. Here in Bakersfield, we got quite a bit of rain over the New Year's weekend. Not to mention the wind. It was almost odd yesterday as I left Olive Garden after eating lunch, as it was sunny, yet it was also raining. The lights flickered a little bit in the evening and I was very glad the power didn't end up going out.

Well, it is time for something new, so this year, I will be posting a new "Funny Stuff" quote from Dave Barry in 2006. I got one of those quote-a-day calendars by Dave Barry for Christmas, so I will have plenty of material for this upcoming year. Besides, the man is funny!

I will also be changing my template....again - hehe. Stay tuned!

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"You never see a smiling runner."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Not all monkeys are good monkeys.)

Humans display their stupid side to wildlife

JOHANNESBURG (Reuters) - A South African mugger fleeing the scene of his crime hides in a tiger enclosure.

On the country's coast, a woman attempts to be a good Samaritan by pushing a young seal into the sea, believing the poor thing is stranded.

Both people paid heavily for their stupidity, underscoring one of nature's truisms: humans do dumb things around wild animals.

"I blame it on Walt Disney, where animals are given human qualities. People don't understand that a wild animal is not something that is nice to pat. It can seriously harm you," said James Cameron, a South African professional hunter.

The cartoon image of wildlife may have prompted a 49-year-old South African woman in October to try to help a seal which she believed was stranded, allowing her 1-year-old grandchild to stroke the creature in the process.

The seal responded by biting off the woman's nose.

Cape Fur Seals are common on South African shores and many have become accustomed to humans.

They are a popular tourist attraction and can be viewed playing in the sea by Cape Town's waterfront -- which may also give a false impression of placid friendliness.

"Cute" seal pups have also been used as potent symbols by groups such as the International Fund for Animal Welfare, further enhancing the animal's "cuddly status".

But they can in fact be dangerous and sometimes attack people who venture too close -- as South Africa's noseless do-gooder discovered to her horror.

TIGER TROUBLE

Then there was the South African robber who made the mistake last month of taking refuge in an enclosure which turned out to be home to a pair of unimpressed tigers.

He had fled into a nearby zoo after security guards heard the screams of a couple he had just mugged in Bloemfontein, about 400 km (250 miles) south-west of Johannesburg.

Unsurprisingly, he was mauled to death by the big cats.

The mugger was not the first South African criminal to err in hiding among zoo animals.

Max, a 200 kg (440 lb.) gorilla, won fame in 1997 after being wounded by a terrified gunman who jumped a moat into his space in Johannesburg's zoo while fleeing police.

Max pinned the fugitive against the wall of his enclosure and guarded him even after being shot until police arrived, making him an instant folk hero in crime-ridden South Africa.

Other people don't realise that you shouldn't get between a mother and her offspring -- especially when dealing with the world's largest land mammal.

In April of this year, an elephant gored a tourist to death in a Ugandan national park after the man, carrying an 8-year-old boy in his arms, approached the animal's calf.

"I think many people are just far removed from nature. People who live in cities often see nature as something that is tame and manageable," said Sue Lieberman, director of the global species programme for conservation group WWF International.

"And wrongly so. We don't need to tame nature, we need to keep the wild out there," she told Reuters.

SHOW-OFFS

Then there are the show-offs.

Lions mauled a South African teenager in March who came too close to their enclosure while trying to impress his girlfriend.

The sixteen-year-old, his girlfriend and his mother were having lunch with the lion keeper when he ignored advice and went off with his girlfriend to see the lions in the breeding section of the park just north of Johannesburg.

The boy went into an area off-limits to the public and touched a lion through the mesh fence.

The lion quickly sank its teeth into his arm and dragged him under the fence before the curator came, drove the four adult lions in the enclosure away and rescued the teenager.

"It just shows a total disregard and disrespect for wild animals," said Cameron.

The boy was luckier than a couple from Taiwan in 1993, who got out of their car to photograph lions up close at a South African game park -- and who were quickly savaged to death by the beasts.