Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"I worry about my judgment when anything I believe in or do regularly begins to be accepted by the American public."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(How about some baby poo to go along with your weed?)

Parents Arrested for Hiding Pot in Diaper

MOUNDSVILLE, W.Va. - The parents of a five-month old child face charges after the mother allegedly tried to get marijuana to the father by smuggling it into the Northern Regional Jail in the baby's diaper.

The father, Jason Michael Wren, 29, of Scio, Ohio, was arraigned Thursday on a felony charge of conspiring to bring a controlled substance into a correctional facility. Wren's bond was set at $5,000. No preliminary hearing has been set. Wren has been lodged in the jail since November.

The mother, Mallory Renee McGrail, 20, of Jewett, Ohio, was charged June 18 with felony delivery of a controlled substance into a correctional facility, said West Virginia State Police Trooper R. M. Hogan. She remains jailed on a $5,000 bond. A preliminary hearing was scheduled for Friday in Marshall County Magistrate Court.

Hogan said less than 15 grams of marijuana was seized from McGrail by a corrections officer.

The officer ordered McGrail to remove the baby's diaper when she came to visit Wren, her fiance. As she removed the diaper, McGrail attempted to hide something under the baby's bottom, Hogan said. The corrections officer ordered her to hand it over. McGrail then allegedly surrendered a package of a green, leafy substance that later tested positive for marijuana, police reports said.

Hogan contacted state Child Protective Services workers and the child was turned over to a relative of Wren.

McGrail told police that Wren asked her, by mail and by telephone, to bring him some marijuana when she came to visit him. Wren took responsibility for the incident, Hogan noted, saying McGrail "never would have done it" if he hadn't told her to deliver the drugs.

Wren is currently serving a 60-year prison sentence for a first-degree robbery conviction in Ohio County, according to a circuit clerk.

Love...Tabloid Style

It must be hard living in the spotlight. You can never have any privacy, and you are constantly hounded by photographers, who, in any other situation, would be viewed as stalkers. When you get engaged, you don't get to be the ones to share your news with your friends and family. No, they have to read about it in the tabloids. When you are expecting a child, every stage of your pregnancy is talked about in every magazine on the newsstand. In fact, your whole life story can be found in the pages of newspapers, magazines and on the television. You have no mystery. And when you try to keep something private, tabloids make up stories saying you have something to hide.

That is why I feel sorry for people like Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner; Nick and Jessica; Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, and other celebrity couples. I read online today that Ben and Jen's marriage was confirmed, after all that tabloid speculation. It seems like even marriage is not sacred to the tabloids. Pretty soon, of course, they will be reporting that they are having problems. Just like Nick and Jessica have been hounded about time and time again. Every marriage is going to have some problems. If they didn't, there would be no need for marriage counselors. And if they are having problems, what business is it of ours? It is something that they have to deal with. What happened to support? I think the media is just waiting for some celebrity couple to break up so they can have another "breaking story." That's all it is. Just fodder for the press. And lord knows that distress stories sell better than those boring "happily ever after" tales.

Even the ones who go public with their romances are criticized for being too "out there." Like Tom Cruise, for example. Who cares if he is making a show over his affection for Katie? He obviously is happy. What is so wrong with expressing it? I don't think there is anything wrong with it. Personally, I would be pretty happy if my man were to show some affection like that once in a while. I am sure that if they were secretive about their romance, they would be criticized for that too. Maybe those who criticize him are just jealous that they don't get that kind of affection displayed towards them. Makes you wonder.

So I say, you go Tom. I am not gay or anything, but Katie Holmes is very beautiful, and frankly, if I were a man and had a woman like that, I would be pretty happy too. They seem happy, and they both seem like nice people. When you are in love, everything is beautiful. Days are brighter; the grass seems greener on every side of the fence. People should celebrate love. Look at all the poems and stories revolving around love. It is the one thing that makes life truly worth living. Maybe these tabloid reporters have forgotten how love feels. I say, let them celebrate it. Atfer all, as it goes in Hollywood, it won't be long before the tabloids put them in with the "celebrity couples in trouble" category. At least they can go to Nick and Jessica for help in that area. They are already veterans.

By the way...

I have a new home page... you can see it here ...
http://intertwine.us/404.html















oh - oops - I forgot... It isn't working right now - ha ha ha
(it was a joke ... c'mon - you know you thought it was funny - lol)

Just a Bunch of Stuff

Well, it's finally Thursday, and since tomorrow is our flex day, and Monday is a holiday, we get a nice, long 4-day weekend. Sweet! Not much has been going on today. I spent most of my day playing MSN games (Cubis, Collapse, Flip Words, etc). Yeah, I have an exciting job - lol.

A few things have crossed my mind today, in between my game playing (hehe).

One... Why are the cookies in the vending machine here at work 80 cents and the same cookies up in the cafeteria are only 59 cents?

Two... Why isn't the doctor's office calling me back about my referral? Should I go to their office tomorrow and bitch about it to them in person? Probably so.

Three... Why is it that the last half hour of work is always the slowest?

Four... Why has my mind all of a sudden gone blank?

Ok...Now you can see just how bored I am. I am gonna go home tonite and watch some King of The Hill, CSI and MXC later on. Yeah, I lead an exciting life. (insert sarcastic laugh here.)

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"Now is a useless word, because everytime you say it, it means something different."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(At least if someone gets sick at this place, there will always be a toilet nearby)

We're going to eat out of a WHAT?

TAIPEI (Reuters) - It may take a strong stomach to eat curry or chocolate ice cream out of a toilet bowl, but a commode-themed restaurant in Taiwan does booming business serving up just that.

The Martun, or toilet in Chinese, restaurant in the southern port city of Kaohsiung boasts lengthy queues on weekends as diners wait for a toilet seat in its brightly colored tile interior.

Food arrives in bowls shaped like Western-style toilets or Asian-style "squat pots."

Manager Hung Lin-wen said the original inspiration came from a toilet-shaped spaceship in a Japanese cartoon. The theme has attracted droves of novelty-seeking young people who come to play with their food and gross out their friends.

"We think the theme is special, and the food is tasty," Hung said.

But no matter how delicious, a few customers still find the combination a little hard to swallow.

"The taste is good, but I still feel disgusted when I look at it," said diner Lin Yu-may.

"Fun" At The Doctor's Office

I had to go to the Ob/Gyn today for my annual "well-woman" exam. Whoopdeedoo! I don't think I could have taken much more excitement. (Of course, I am being sarcastic). I had to take off all of my clothes and dress in these paper garments. By the way, why do the doctors leave the room when you get undressed? They are going to see you naked anyway! But I digress. Now, most women will agree with me when I say that this is not the most comfortable situation to be in. For one, the doctor basically feels you up and then inserts a cold, metal spatula like thing into your vagina and then afterward, he pokes around in there with his finger while pressing onto your pelvis. It is suggested that you pee before going to this exam, as I found out today. All that pressing made me have to go pee SO bad. I could hardly wait to get out of there so I could use the bathroom - lol. It is rather embarassing, because all the while the doctor is poking around your boobs, he is asking how work has been going, what you have been doing, etc. It is not very easy to look at the doctor while he is poking your boobs, and even less easy when he is poking around in your vagina with a metal object. Of course, I had to have the "special" speculum cuz my cervix likes to tilt upwards and hide...nothing is ever easy with me. The whole procedure is not painful or anything. It is more embarassing and invasive than anything else. I always end up lying on my back and looking up at the ceiling, muttering an occasional "pretty good" or "it's going ok" or something like that. At least I only have to have that once a year.

I don't think I would ever want to be an OB/Gyn. I wouldn't want to look at boobs and vaginas all day long. I have my own, and I don't even like to look at my own that much! Also, I don't think I would want to marry an OB/Gyn either. Think about it. He would be spending all day long looking at other women's boobs and vaginas. Then when he was getting all smoochy with me, he would be feeling my boobs, probably feeling for lumps or looking at my nipples and making sure there wasn't any discharge or whatever else could be wrong with them. He would go down on me and probably be looking to see if my vagina looked ok, asking me if I was having any pain when we were having sex, etc. And then would probably conduct practice exams on me. Or worse, be not interested in sex at all. He spends all day looking at boobs and vaginas....that is his job. I don't know about you, but the last thing I want to think about when I get home from work, is work!

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"I once had the pleasure of meeting Do Ho and his lovely wife, Heidi. Plus his three brothers, Gung, Land and Hy."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Talk about going thru a lot of crap just to get a peek.)

Peeping Tom Pulled From Outhouse Tank

ALBANY, N.H. - A 45-year-old man was arrested after a teenage girl found him staring at her from below an outhouse seat, police said. Police said they pulled Gary Moody, from Gardiner, Maine, from the waste tank under a log cabin outhouse on Monday.

"We had to decontaminate him," said Capt. Jon Hebert of the Carroll County Sheriff's Department, adding that firefighters hosed the man down before police handcuffed him. "We treated him as if he were hazardous material," Hebert said.

Moody was charged with criminal trespass. Hebert said he could face more charges.

Moody was freed on bail for a July 19 appearance in Northern Carroll County District Court in North Conway.

New Blog

I decided to create a new blog for all my camping excursions and travels, since I have been taking a lot of weekend and day trips lately. You can find it at http://kimmerzy.blogspot.com.
I called it, appropriately enough, Travels and Adventures. There's not much on it right now, but I am sure I will update it frequently enough ;)

New Insurance Blues and Other Gripes

Our employers got new health insurance at the beginning of this month. Seemed like a good thing. After all, our old insurance sucked ass. It was taking them months to pay a claim, and every now and then I would get these like $600 medical bills for something they hadn't paid for yet, and yeah, it threw me into a panic at times (needless to say!). So, I was all fine and happy about getting new insurance. BUT, we still have to get referrals to see specialists. I was under the impression that all the info on our previous doctors would be sent to the insurance company, and that there would be no problem with continuing services. WRONG! I was scheduled to go to the opthamologist on June 15th. The doctor's office called me, the day before my appointment mind you, to tell me that I needed a referral from my doctor in order for me to be seen. Ok...no problem. I didn't want to go to the doctor that day anyhow (hehe). I was a little peeved that the doctor's office didn't call me til the day before my appointment to tell me this though, but no harm, no foul. I was rescheduled to go on June 20th. They again called me, this time on the 17th (a Friday of course), to tell me they still hadn't gotten my referral. UGH! So, I had to reschedule again, this time for July 6th. They called me yesterday AGAIN to tell me they still hadn't gotten the referral. This time, I called my PCP and told them I needed the referral (last time I called the rheumatologist's office), and the lady told me they'd call me back on my cell phone today to let me know something. This was at 1:45 pm. It is now 4:15. I guess they are busy or something. I don't want to have to reschedule again. This is starting to get ridiculous. Last time, with my other, not as good (or so they say) insurance, I had NO problem whatsoever getting a referral. What is so different about it now? Good lord. I am going to go nuts if they call me again and tell me that they still don't have my referral. It is not like I WANT to go get my eyes dilated, lights shined in them, photographed, and whatever the heck else they are going to do to them. I hope that I don't have to go through this when I have my rheumatologist's appointment next month! So, now I am sitting here, waiting for the doctor's office to call me, and I really have to pee, but I don't want to miss their call. I guess I will have to take my cell phone with me to the bathroom - lol. Oh well. When you gotta go, you gotta go!

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

G.C's Guide to Dining Out

"If a restaurant has a salad bar, ask how many times you can go back. If they say as many times as you'd like, ask for a lawn bag. Come back the next day with a small truck. Tell them you weren't quite finished eating the night before. You're actually within your legal rights, because, technically, no one is ever finished eating."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Are you winning? There's no winning in baseball!)

Boys' Baseball Team Benched for Being Good

CANAL WINCHESTER, Ohio - A baseball team of 11- and 12-year-olds kicked out of a league in this Columbus suburb is fielding offers from all over to play.

The Columbus Stars were removed from their league last month because they were too good. In some of their last games, the Stars beat the Red Sox 18-0, World Harvest 13-0, Sugar Grove II 24-0 and Sugar Grove I 10-2.

Other teams began complaining — and canceling.

Michael Mirones, board chairman for the Canal Winchester Joint Recreation District, pulled the Stars from the league and returned their $150 entry fee. He suggested the Stars play in a travel league against better teams.

Now the Stars have received offers from teams all over central Ohio and in other states.

Clay Branch, a parent in a youth league in Atlanta, said he offered to arrange for the team to play in Georgia.

"I'd never heard of anything like that, and it blew my mind," he said. "I wish we were closer."

The Stars already have a couple of games coming up against teams in central Ohio. They also plan on playing in two tournaments next month.

Georgian Heights, a team from the Columbus area, defeated the Stars 5-4 last week to give them their first loss this season. The Stars had defeated Georgian Heights in two earlier meetings this year.

Stars pitcher Josh Dameron, 12, said the team learned from the loss.

"The mood of our team is the same," he said. "We don't care about the loss. The next time we play them, we hope we win."

more stuff about me (that you probably didn't want to know - hehe)

A- Age of your first kiss: 16,I think
B- Band you are listening to right now: none...I am at work :P
D- Dad's name: Ralph
E- Easiest person to talk to: Cyndi, Alicia and Veronica - they are all good listeners :)
F- Favorite ice cream: Thrifty's Chocolate Malted Crunch - mmmmmm
G- Gummy worms or gummy bears: gummy bears
H- Hometown: King City, CA (where I grew up)
I- Instruments: Guitar and piano
J- Junior high: I didn't actually go to a junior high ... I went to El Tejon school in Lebec when I was in 7th and 8th grade.
K- Kids: I want some...eventually
L- Longest car ride ever: going to the Grand Canyon from Las vegas and back in one day...LONG drive
M- Mom's name: Joan
N- Nicknames: Kimberzy, Kimmie, Kimmykins, Kimberlina, Kimba, Kimmawimma, Kim Kong, Kinky Kim, Kimalinda, Lynyrd, Kimmy Baby, etc
O- One wish: Make all the stupid people go away! (as long as I get to stay - hehe)
P- Phobia[s]: Heights, bees
Q- Quote: "You can't fight in here. This is the War Room!" (from Dr Strangelove)
R- Reason to smile: Dave Chappelle, bitches!
S- Song you sang last: "We Die Young" by Alicia in Chains - was on the cd in the car this morning
T- Time you woke up today: 6:30 am - blah - only cuz I had to go to work
U- Unknown fact about me: I am more unsure of myself than I let on
V- Vegetable[s]: yummm...especially broccoli and cooked carrots - mmmmmm
W- Worst habit: biting my lower lip
X- X-rays you've had: my knees (for arthritis) and my index finger (when I shut the safe door on it on accident- ouch)
Y - Years since you've been to church?: probably over 20 years...unless you count weddings - ha ha
Z- Zodiac sign: Aries

Serial Murderers in the News

Well, it looks like Mr Rader, the accused BTK Killer, has confessed to 10 murders in Kansas. Just the other day I heard how he was complaining how the media was hurting his marriage (he said his wife was going to leave him.... DUH!!!). And we are supposed to feel sorry for him? I think not! What a sicko. He killed not only adults, but also children. And to think that in his "other life" he was a former church leader and formerly held a job in home security. Yeah...I feel really safe now knowing that some serial killer used to work in security!

I heard that some nurse who had confessed to killing 24 patients, has not admitted to killing 5 more patients, bringing his total to 29. You can't even go to the hospital nowadays without being afraid of getting killed. Ugh!

Fake News Story of the Week

Auditions for the new Old Navy commercial were held today in New York. Among the people auditioning for the spot included Joan Van Der Cleef, seen here in this photo. Van Der Cleef, who bears a striking resemblance to an older version of Carrie Donovan, former Old Navy spokeswoman, was rumored to be in the top 10 contenders for the spot.

(Carrie Donovan)

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Haven't done one of these in a while . . .

You Are 45% Left Brained, 55% Right Brained

The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning. Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others. If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic. Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet. The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility. Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way. If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art. Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.

Are You Right or Left Brained?

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"Do you realize that Howdy Doody's mother and father are known as the Doody's? And Bo Diddley's parents are the Diddley's? How would you like to be at a party and have to introduce the Doody's to the Diddley's? And keep a straight face?"

Some things that confuse me...

Why is it that a smile is sometimes harder to make than a frown?

Why do words sometimes hurt more than being physically hurt?

How does an airplane fly? It is so heavy.

Why do some people hate other people just because their skin is a different color?

Why is love so revered, yet so feared at the same time?

What really happened to Amelia Earhart?

I believe in ghosts and life in outerspace, but I have no proof of either one of these things existing.

Where does the universe begin?

If man is so advanced, then why do humans act like animals most of the time?

Why is it when an animal, such as a bear or a wolf, hurts or kills a human being, the first thing we want to do is go out and hunt all the bears and wolves down? Humans hurt or kill more humans than animals do. Should we hunt and kill off all humans, too?

Why did people decide gold was so valuable instead of something like granite or flowers? What is it about gold that makes it so special?

Why do we get wisdom teeth if we only have to get them pulled out?

How did the Egyptians make the pyramids? They are so huge! And the rocks used to make them must have weighed tons. How did they have the technology to create them so long ago?

Why do I think so much? lol

Stupid News Story of The Day

(This is what happens when jokes bite back)

Man Swallows Key, Locksmith Uses X-Ray

NORTH PLATTE, Neb. - Arthur Richardson thought he'd pull a prank and pretend to swallow a friend's truck key. Unfortunately, Wednesday's prank backfired when Richardson plopped the key in his mouth and gravity took over.

Richardson went to a doctor Thursday, who X-rayed his stomach and got a clear picture of the key. The doctor said the key posed no danger, but Richardson's friend needed to use his truck.

So Richardson and his friend took the X-rays to a locksmith, who used the pictures to fashion a new key. And it worked in the truck.

John Somers, owner of Al's Lock and Safe, said he'd never made a key before from the image of an X-ray.

"I have done all sorts of lock work, I've done all sorts of safe work," Somers said. "This is truly a first in my career."

Somers said he didn't have any immediate plans to set price rates for X-ray keys, but it's something he might consider.

Sign from the Grand Canyon - I think "duhhh" is the word that comes to mind when looking over the edge
Posted by Hello

The end of a vacation

Well, it's Sunday...the last day of my vacation. Tomorrow, it is back to work....back to the daily 7:30-5:30 grind. It was a nice 10 days off. I got to go camping and see the Grand Canyon and Big Bear. I got to see lightning and hear the thunder. I got to spend a few days with my family. And I got to go to Las Vegas. This weekend, I have been a complete, lazy ass. I haven't done much, because I have been worn out and in need of sleep. In spite of the benefits of being able to sleep in and goof off during a vacation, I don't think I could take another week of this. I think a week off here and there is plenty. Does that mean I am glad I get to go back to work? Hmmm...that is kind of a yes and no answer. Yes, in that I get to do something other than stay home in the heat, and I get to see my friends, and no, in that I have to get up early.

I need some aspirin. My arthritis/fibromyalgia is acting up and my body hurts and I am so exhausted. I also have a freaking headache to top it off. My body is already rebelling against the whole going-back-to-work idea. Sorry, body, but this is how it has to be. How else do you think I am able to pay for all the gas and stuff to go camping and out of town? Work is such a bitch, but a necessary one. Or maybe it is money that is the ultimate bitch...Somehow, I think it is.

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Hush little baby, don't you cry, momma's gonna steal you some frozen fries...and if I get caught stealing, little babe, momma's gonna leave you and run away)

Fleeing thief in Germany dumps baby at crime scene

BERLIN (Reuters) - A woman shoplifter in Germany abandoned her three-month-old baby after being caught stealing from a supermarket, authorities said on Friday.

"When the security man told the woman to enter his office so he could check her identification, the perpetrator took off, leaving behind the baby and the pram," police in the town of Offenbach just south of Frankfurt said in a statement.

Police managed to track down the 36-year-old Bulgarian after she left her identification in the pram, German media said. She was reunited with her baby and released pending her trial.