I'm not going crazy...I'm not going crazy...I'm not!

I'm not going crazy....Somehow, I feel like if I keep telling myself that I am not going crazy, then everything will be ok. But, oh good lord, I seriously feel like I am going insane!!!!!!

My head....oh my head. I really just want a head transplant. Do they do those yet??

This dizzy/empty/crazy head feeling I have is going to lead me to a loony bin. In the morning, I am ok. The "weird head" feeling is not so bad. But by midday, I just can't take it anymore! UGH! I have had this feeling for like a month and it seems to have gotten worse. What the hell is wrong with me??????????

For those people who have never experienced "weird head" (for lack of a better description), consider yourselves lucky bastards. Cuz this shit is driving me crazier than Britney Spears at a Cheetos convention. I have been reading up on it on-line, and I am just SO glad that there are other people out there too who have had this. At least it is not just me.

This is what it feels like: When I look left or right, it feels like my eyes are moving faster than my brain. It is not so bad when I look up or down. It is this strange, pulsating feeling in my head that also affects my eyes and ears. I cannot tolerate loud noises. When someone is talking really loud next to me, my ears seem to shut off and I feel that strange pulsating feeling in my ears, too. Like a rush almost. But definitely not a good rush! I am almost always dizzy or feel lightheaded. I will be sitting at work looking at the computer, doing my work, and when I look away, I feel like the room is spinning. Like vertigo almost.

Maybe it has something to do with my ears, since an ear injury, infection or disease can really mess with your equillibrium. (and lord knows I am already clumsy enough as it is!!) Of course, one website says this dizziness can also be caused by an autoimmune disease....and I have one (or two - depending on which friggin doctor you talk to) of those. I know it's from none of my medications, cuz I have been taking the same stuff for a long time now.

All I know, is that this "weird head" thing I have is literally driving me crazy. I can't concentrate. I can't sleep. I have disturbing dreams. I get these weird "brain fogs" where I can't remember people's names or simple stuff like that. So, if I don't remember your name right away, I am not being rude. Honest. I just can't think straight!

One thing is for sure...if this shit does not go away soon, I am going to go insane.

It literally feels like this room is located on top of the ocean. I feel like I am on a boat - LOL!!!

It is funny, and it's not. I have a dr appt next month. But I may have to reschedule it sooner if this doesn't go away. I don't know how much longer I can put up with this.

And oh yeah. I am also going thru one of the worst RA flare-ups I have had in a long while. Pain really sucks. And pain and dizziness really sucks big hairy donkey balls (you can thank me for that lovely visual if you want ). My legs are stiff all day long. I walk like I am 80 years old. Every joint in my body is just a mess of pain. My skin even hurts to touch. My left knee is hurting me again. It felt pretty good last year after the cortisone shot. But I think the shot has worn off now -lol. To make a long story short, I am a mess - lol.

I know this was a pretty depressing post, but I had to get it out. Maybe I am secretly hoping someone will comment saying, "yeah. I had that weird head thing too and it went away and never came back."

Freakin' a - I am going to bed and TRY my best to sleep for more than 2 hours without waking up.

And please......no more dreams about falling off of cliffs or jumping into pools of boiling lava. For heaven's sake...please brain, please be nice to me tonite. lol