Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

BEGINNER'S GUIDE TO TRAVELING BY AIR

"HOW TO GO THROUGH THE SECURITY CHECKPOINT: Have your boarding pass and photo ID ready. Remove all your possessions from your pockets and put them in a plastic tray. Have your boarding pass and photo ID ready. Remove your belt, shoes, pacemakers, and any large dental fillings and put them in another plastic tray. Have your boarding pass and photo ID ready. Remove your laptop computer and put this in another plastic tray. FOR GOD'S SAKE HAVE YOUR BOARDING PASS AND PHOTO ID READY. Put everything - trays, bags, children under two - on the moving belt, then stand in a nonterroristic manner until the security person signals to you, at which time, while holding your boarding pass and photo ID up nonthreateningly, you should shuffle meekly forward until your pants fall to the floor."