Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"The earliest known newspaper, published in 59 B.C. in Rome, was called Acta Diurna (literally, the Portland Oregonian). The first issue offered coverage of Roman politics (“Strom Thurmond Elected to Senate”); science news (“Study Shows Thunder is Actually God Burping”); and an early episode of the comic strip “Nancy,” in which Sluggo tries to avoid paying admission to the Colosseum by peeking through a knothole, and, to the amusement of Nancy and Aunt Fritzi, gets a spear right through the eyeball. Unfortunately, Acta Diurna was not profitable, because every copy had to be entirely handwritten by slaves (called “reporters”); if a major story broke, a huge hairy man (the “editor”) would yell “Stop the presses!” and whack them with a club. "