Groovy

Well, I tell you, sometimes I just ain't the brightest crayon in the box. I wrote a blog earlier and somehow I managed to erase the whole thing. I got so ticked off that I wasn't even gonna write a post today (that'll teach me!), but I am going to anyway.

Today has been busier than usual, being that we have a 4-day weekend coming up and everyone is scrambling to finish their cases on time. I got stuck with 2 cases to work, myself and I had to do my supervisor's intake reports (a task which I loathe, because I don't know what the hell I am doing!), and then I wrote up some guidelines on writing case comments for the trainees. Yep...I have been busy. But now it is an hour til I get off from work, so I finally have some free time. (of course, as soon as I said that someone came around the corner to ask me a question - lol).

Anyway, I have to go to the grocery store today, which is something I hate even more than doing intake reports. The grocery store is always crowded and the lines are always long. I hate going there. I really do. At least if I go to Foods Co, I can get some of their Chinese food their. They have great orange chicken - mmmmm. I didn't even eat lunch...well, I had an orange. Didn't have much of a breakfast either. What is with me today???


Well, I am officially hooked on Uproar.com's Family Feud...again. I used to play it all the time a while back, but now I am back! Oh, and that Sudoku Quest game on MSN.com, too. Damn them and their addicting games!

I really didn't have any road rage today...just a minor case of parking lot rage. This morning as I was turning down the aisle in the parking lot of my job, this woman in a car, driving on the wrong side of the aisle, almost hit me. And then she just stared at me as if I were from another planet. This is the USA, buster, and we drive on the right side of the road here! Some people have no brains!

After my little parking lot rage was sated, I continued listening to the radio interview they were doing on Bruce Campbell. Yes, Ash was on the radio. I love Bruce Campbell. He is better than Jake Gyllenhaal and Matt Leinart combined! He is .... groovy. I was 5 minutes late getting to my desk because I wanted to hear the whole interview. (This is my boomstick!!!) He apparently has a novel out called, Make Love! The Bruce Campbell Way. I want that book, and I want it NOW!

Well, I don't have time for a list today. Maybe I will do 2 tomorrow. Or maybe I will just skip today altogether. I gotta run. Someone is asking me another question.

My work is never done.

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"Thanks to our fear of death, no one ever has to die; they can all just pass away. Or expire, like a magazine subscription. If it happens in the hospital, it will be called a terminal episode. The insurance company will refer to it was negative patient-care outcome. And if it's the result of malpractice, they'll say it was a therapeutic misadventure."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Keep your keys away from kitties.)

W.Va. Woman Locked Out of Car by Cat

MORGANTOWN, W.Va. - Locking yourself out of your car is bad enough, but Jeanna Stewart was even more embarrassed when the culprit was not her, but her cat.

The Morgantown resident said she was getting a spare house key out her car's trunk on Monday when her cat Mork, one of three in the car, stepped on the automatic door lock. She couldn't unlock the door because she had left her car keys on the driver's seat.

"He wouldn't unlock the door for me," Stewart said Tuesday. "He was standing there, saying why aren't you opening the door? I want to go inside."

Stewart went into her house and called the Morgantown Fire Department for help. She said she was mainly concerned about freeing Mork and the other cats, Minday and Alex.

"They rescued my three little kitties," Stewart said. "I didn't need a rescue for me, just for them."

Chaos, terror....just another day at the mall.

Oh glorious Bakersfield. Where you can roam the streets safely...where you can leave your doors unlocked and your windows open at night...where you can shop in the mall without fear of being shot....wait a minute. I am not describing Bakersfield. I am describing Fantasy Land. Sadly, no place like that actually exists anymore. I doubt it ever really did. Unless you count Gilligan's Island. But even then, that darned Gilligan was always trying to swipe a coconut cream pie or 2 from the table, not to mention what went on between those chimpanzees and the Skipper when the cameras weren't rolling. Nothing is sacred anymore. Not even shopping. I was at my folks' house last night and my brother had the police scanner on and we heard that someone got shot in the chest (he died later on) and that fights were breaking out all over at the mall. Yes, the mall. The place where Santa Claus lets kids sit on his lap. The place where you can buy chocolate from The Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory. The place where you can shop for birthday cards to your heart's content. The place where you can buy racy lingerie to make your main squeeze happy. Nowhere on the mall sign does it say..."Welcome to the mall. Hope you don't get shot."

Seems like wherever you go you have to watch your back. I heard down in LA some guy got shot in the head while he was eating dinner. He was an innocent victim of a stray bullet. The world is full of crazy people, all trigger happy and loaded up on drugs or booze or maybe just plain old insanity. Some people say, "You need a gun." But, I really don't like guns. Maybe it is because I know what they can do. I watch too much CSI. There are too many crazy people out there, and the last thing they need is a gun. I think people should have to pass a sanity test before they are allowed to buy a gun. "No, I don't think JFK and RFK are conspiring to kill you, and no, I don't think that Nessie and Bigfoot are secret lovers who are really the parents of the Abominable Snowman....no gun for you, buster!"

Speaking of whackos, I read that some woman took out a restraining order against David Letterman....yes, THE David Letterman, citing that he used "coded words to show that he wanted to marry her and train her as his co-host." According to this woman (named Colleen Nestler, in case anyone knows her....she is nuts!!), Mr Letterman "asked her to be his wife during a televised "teaser" for his show by saying, "Marry me, Oprah." Her letter said Oprah was the first of many code names for her and that the coded vocabulary increased and changed with time." She also said that is he or any of his legal team came near her, that she would "break their legs," but this "breaking of the legs" was not a threat. HELLO!!!! Not a threat??? Holy cow, this woman is insane!!! Someone call a doctor. And don't let her buy a gun for crying out loud! (you can read the full story below, in my Stupid News Story of The Day post).

Also showing signs of insanity is Tori Spelling, who announced that she is engaged. Flashback....she just announced that she and her husband were getting a divorce not too long ago. Now suddenly she is dating AND getting engaged? Only in Hollywood people. Only in Hollywood. I guess she likes playing musical husbands or something. Well, good luck. And be sure to sign a prenup.

More signs of insanity in the world: I forgot to mention the whacko at the gas station in LA when I was on vacation. Oh, this guy was a real nut job. Chris's brother had stopped to get gas, and pulled in the empty pump behind another car. Well the guy in front of us finished pumping and left, leaving an open pump. Chris's brother was still pumping the gas when this guy just flies in the open space and comes thisclose to hitting the car. Well, the guy then backs up and pulls up again, again coming extremely close to hitting us. He then gets out of the car and is mouthing some words, which I could not make out. I figured he must have been talking to himself or maybe singing. Who knows. Well, he finishes up pumping the gas while Chris's brother goes in to pay for the gas. As the guy pulls out, he continues to mouth words, but this time I can make out some of what he is saying, and he definitely was not singing, unless it was some gansta rap in which every other word begins with "f" (if you know what I mean). As he is pulling out of the station, he turns and flips us off. I was sitting there thinking, "what is his problem???" I mean, we were just sitting there, and it wasn't like we cut in front of him or anything. We were there first. So, to this day, I have no clue why that crazy nut job flipped us the bird. I guess he was just having a bad morning or something. Only he knows.

Well, I have no road rage moment of the day to share. I know, you are thinking, "You mean nobody pissed her off this morning?" Nope. Well, at least not by means of a vehicle. I did have a major case of neighbor rage though this morning...at 2:30 am. Yes, this morning at 2-freakin-thirty-am, my next door neighbor decided to get up and play his music loud...loud enough to wake me out of my beauty sleep. So if I am REALLY ugly this morning, you know who to blame. And if anyone wants to kick his ass, I will give you his address (haha). I was SO pissed off, because I was having a really good dream about Jake Gyllenhaal and Matt Leinart giving me a sponge bath, and....well, ok...that is enough to give you an idea - hehe. I kicked the wall, hoping to make him shut the hell up,but his music was probably too loud for him to hear anything. I hope he goes deaf, the ass munch! So, I am tired this morning. I don't think any amount of caffeine will kick me into gear this morning. I hate assholes!!!!

Before I get too pissed off, here is a new list...

List the things that really make you tick:

1. Loud, inconsiderate neighbors
2. When people try to get into the elevator before I can get out of it.
3. Crowded places
4. Rude people
5. Tailgaters
6. People who cut me off when I am driving
7. People cutting in front of me in line
8. Dirty bathrooms
9. Ants
10. Knots in my hair (ouch!)

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"I have a very inexpensive security system. If someone breaks into my house, I run next door and throw a brick through my neighbor's window. That sets off his alarm and when the police arrive I direct them to my house."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Some people are crazy, and then some people are CRAZY!)

Restraining Order Against Letterman Tossed

A state judge has lifted a restraining order granted to a Santa Fe woman who accused talk-show host David Letterman of using coded words to show that he wanted to marry her and train her as his co-host.

Judge Daniel Sanchez on Tuesday granted a request by lawyers for Letterman, host of CBS' "Late Show," to quash the temporary restraining order that he earlier granted to Colleen Nestler.

She alleged in a request filed Dec. 15 that Letterman has forced her to go bankrupt and caused her "mental cruelty" and "sleep deprivation" since May 1994.

Nestler requested that Letterman, who tapes his show in New York, stay at least 3 yards away and not "think of me, and release me from his mental harassment and hammering."

Lawyers for Letterman contended the order was without merit.

"He is entitled to a protection of his legal rights and a protection of his reputation," Pat Rogers, an Albuquerque lawyer representing Letterman, told the judge Tuesday.

The New Mexico court doesn't have jurisdiction over Letterman, who is a resident of Connecticut, Rogers said.

Nestler appeared in court without a lawyer and represented herself.

Responding to a question from the judge, Nestler said she had no proof of the allegations she had made against Letterman.

She also said that if Letterman or any of his representatives came near her, "I will break their legs" and establish proof of her allegations.

Nestler said after the court hearing that "I have achieved my purpose. The public knows that this man cannot come near me."

She also said that her comment about breaking legs "is not a threat."

"I appealed to the court for a restraining order to keep this man away from me, but now that's been denied me," she said. "He has access to me. He can actually come for me or send people. He has many accomplices. I know this sounds crazy. I was crazy to have listened to him in the beginning."

Nestler's application for a restraining order was accompanied by a six-page typed letter in which she said Letterman used code words, gestures and "eye expressions" to convey his desires for her.

She wrote that she began sending Letterman "thoughts of love" after his show began in 1993, and that he responded in code words and gestures, asking her to come East.

Nestler said Letterman asked her to be his wife during a televised "teaser" for his show by saying, "Marry me, Oprah." Her letter said Oprah was the first of many code names for her and that the coded vocabulary increased and changed with time.

I was a good girl!

You Were Nice This Year!

You're an uber-perfect person who is on the top of Santa's list. You probably didn't even *think* any naughty thoughts this year. Unless you're a Mormon, you've probably been a little too good. Is that extra candy cane worth being a sweetheart for 365 days straight?

Were You Naughty or Nice This Year?

I am back!

I am back from my Christmas vacation. I had a great time. We went to a lot of places and saw a lot of things. And I spent Christmas Eve and Christmas day with my parents, brother and my grandmother. It was really nice. For a complete rundown on my vacation, you can check out my other blog at www.kimmerzy.blogspot.com and check out the new photos in my Yahoo Photo Album. Anyway, now it is back to work for me. But...I have another 4 days off coming up on Friday - hehe. Sometimes, working for the county has its benefits ;)

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"Have you ever noticed that when you're drivin', anyone goin' slower than you is an idiot? And anyone goin' faster than you is a maniac? 'Will you just look at this idiot!' [points right] 'Look at him! Just creepin' along! [swings head left] 'Look at that maniac go!' Why, I tell ya, folks, it's a wonder we ever get anywhere at all these days, what with all the idiots and maniacs out there. Because no one ever drives at my speed."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(There is no love like the love between a man and his cow)

Man Pleads No Contest to Cattle Relations

NEILLSVILLE, Wis. - A 64-year-old man has pleaded no contest to charges in Clark County Circuit Court after telling police he regularly had been using calves for sexual gratification.

Harold G. Hart was placed on two years probation Thursday and ordered to have psychological counseling and an alcohol and drug abuse assessment after pleading to charges of sexual gratification with an animal and disorderly conduct.

According to the criminal complaint, the family living on the farm Hart visited, installed a motion sensor because they had seen suspicious footprints and vehicle tracks.

When the sensor sounded, Hart was caught leaving the barn. He later told police the farm was a routine stop, usually after bar closing or on trips to strip clubs near Marshfield or Neillsville.

Hart told police he had gone to the farm at least 50 times in the last year, sometimes two to four times in a week.

Merry Christmas !

Since I will be so busy for the next week or so, there will be no new posts for a while. So, I wanted to take this opportunity to tell everyone to have a very Merry Christmas!!!

Christmas Funnies

Company Holiday Party Memo

Company's Holiday Party

FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: Everyone
RE: Christmas PartySun Nov 26 9:17:52 2000 : December 1

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the banquet room at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. No-host bar, but plenty of eggnog! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols. Feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!

FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
Sun Nov 26 9:17:52 2000 : December 2
RE: Christmas Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. Happy now?

FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
Sun Nov 26 9:17:52 2000 : December 3
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only," you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?

FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
Sun Nov 26 9:17:52 2000 : December 7
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse company we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating, drinking and sex during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps Luigi's can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party. The days are so short this time of year or else package everything for take-home in little foil swans. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Did I miss anything?

FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
Sun Nov 26 9:17:52 2000 : December 8
RE: Holiday Party

So December 22 marks the Winter Solstice. What do you expect me to do, a tap-dance on your heads? Fire regulations at Luigi's prohibit the burning of sage by our "earth-based Goddess-worshipping" employees, but we'll try to accommodate your shamanic drumming circle during the band's breaks. Okay???

FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
Date: December 9
RE: Holiday Party

People, people, nothing sinister was intended by having our CEO dress up like Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be "Satan," there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red suit." It's a tradition, folks, like sugar shock at Halloween or family feuds over the Thanksgiving turkey or broken hearts on Valentine's Day. Could we lighten up?

FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
Sun Nov 26 9:17:52 2000 : December 10
RE: Holiday Party

Vegetarians!?!?!? I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your #$%^&*! salad bar, including hydroponic tomatoes.. But you know, they have feelings, too. Tomatoes scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right now!

FROM: Teri Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
Sun Nov 26 9:17:52 2000 : December 14
RE: Pat Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pat Lewis a speedy recovery from her stress-related illness and I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the sanatorium. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Today we have a 2 for 1 offer on an exorcism and a soul cleaning.)

That's way too much for an exorcism...

BERLIN (Reuters) - A German woman lost more than 5,000 euros ($6,000) after a would-be soothsayer convinced her she was possessed by evil spirits and prescribed an expensive exorcism as a remedy, authorities said Wednesday.

Police in the central town of Northeim said the 44-year-old was told she was possessed by a young woman who read her palm at a Christmas market.

The victim became agitated and agreed to an exorcism at her home the following day, for which she paid the 'seer' more than 5,000 euros in cash and jewelry.

The exorcist then gave her more bad news -- there were other spirits that needed casting out.

"That's when a bad feeling crept over the victim," the police said in a statement. "She informed the police forthwith."

Police have arrested a 17-year-old woman from former Yugoslavia. The victim's money and jewelry have been returned.

Which reindeer are you?

You Are Comet

A total daredevil, you're the reindeer with an edge! Why You're Naughty: You almost gave Santa a heart attack when you took him sky diving Why You're Nice: You always make sure the sleigh is going warp speed

Which of Santa's Reindeer Are You?

Stupid News Story of The Day

(It's my way or the highway.)

Man goes wrong way on highway for 11 miles

STRASBOURG, France (Reuters) - A Frenchman drove up a motorway in the wrong direction for 11 miles, crashing into five other vehicles and killing one person and injuring three others including two children, police said.

The 66-year-old man continued driving after his first two collisions Sunday in the hope of finding an exit off the A35 in eastern France, a police spokesman in the city of Strasbourg said.

No one was injured in the first collision with two vehicles, but one person was seriously hurt in a second accident with two other vehicles.

The retired motorist, driving with his wife, only came to a halt when he collided head-on with another car, killing an adult and seriously injuring two children aboard. Police said the victims were among a family of immigrants from the former Soviet Union.

Police said alcohol tests on the driver proved negative and he could not explain why he had turned the wrong way onto the motorway. He was in shock but he and his wife were otherwise unhurt.

List time!

Here are a few more of my lists that I have compiled over the last week or so:

List all the names you have been called, even those not-so-endearing ones:

1. Kimbo
2. Kimmers
3. Kimberzy
4. Kimmerzy
5. Kinky Kim
6. Perky
7. Poikins
8. Snorkins
9. Kimmy
10. Kimmy Baby
11. Kimba
12. Kimmy Kins
13. Lynyrd
14. KK
15. Freaky Deaky
16. Brat
17. Bitchy Woman
18. Nerd
19. Nerd Bomber
20. Dorkholio
21. Dork Meister
22. Dork Maestro
23. Dork Ball
24. Smart Ass
25. Smarty Pants
26. Sweetie
27. Sweet Cheeks
28. Chipmunk Cheeks
29. Stupid Asshole
30. Kimmawimma
31. Kimma Bo Bimma
32. Kimmatong
33. Kim Dawg
34. Road Rager
35. Princess Kimmerco
36. Kim Barely There
37. Dumbass
38. Cornball
39. annoying bitch
40. Cutie

List all the places you've been to that have made you feel immortal, moved to tears, or omnipotent:

1. The Grand Canyon - on the edge looking waaaaaaaaaay down. Kinda made me feel like a powerful being to be standing on the edge of the world like that.

2. Yosemite Ntl Park - just looking down on the awesome beauty of Yosemite Valley made me feel so small and so fortunate to be seeing what I was seeing. It was almost tear-worthy - lol.

3. The Golden Gate Bridge - one of mankind's most marvelous man-made structures (like my use of alliteration there? hehe)

4. Death Valley at sunset - gorgeous!

5. the top of Moro Rock in Sequoia Ntl Park

6. The Hoover Dam

7. the Supreme Scream at Knott's Berry Farm - (If I can ride that ride and live, then I can do anything!)

8. inside Crystal Cave in Sequoia Ntl Park when they turned out all of the lights and left us in total darkness - for those few seconds, I felt, well, it is hard to explain, but it was a great, powerful feeling.

9. Las Vegas - how can you NOT feel all-powerful when you go there? You feel like you are gonna conquer the world when you get there...it is when you leave that you realize your mortality - lol.

10. the beach - just looking out into the ocean into infinity makes you feel almost immortal

Here is a list of things I WON'T be giving anyone for Christmas:

1. A new condo
2. A Lexus
3. The Hope Diamond
4. A trip to Bali
5. A time share in Hawaii
6. A prostitute
7. A Rolex
8. A restaurant
9. A spotted hyena
10. a set of 24k gold plated dentures

Name your favorite songs of all time:

1. Kashmir - Led Zeppelin
2. Hotel California - The Eagles
3. Wish You Were Here - Pink Floyd
4. Sober - Tool
5. Prison Sex - Tool
6. War Pigs - Black Sabbath
7. Perfect Strangers - Deep Purple
8. Seek and Destroy - Metallica
9. Strange Condition - Pete Yorn
10. Lost Cause - Beck
11. Room For One More - Anthrax
12. Nitro - The Offspring
13. Money - Pink Floyd
14. Sultans of Swing - Dire Straits
15. Spiders - System of a Down
16. Bound For The Floor - Local H
17. (Can't Get My) Head Around You - The Offspring
18. I Wanna Be Sedated - The Ramones
19. Flake - Jack Johnson
20. Run To The Hills - Iron Maiden
21. I Don't Know - Ozzy Osbourne
22. Back In Black - AC/DC
23. Black Dog - Led Zeppelin
24. Take Me Out - Franz Ferdninand
25. Float On - Modest Mouse
26. Sludge Factory - Alice In Chains
27. Damn That River - Alice In Chains
28. Rusty Cage - Soundgarden
29. Sick of It All - Finger Eleven
30. Taillights Fade - Buffalo Tom
31. Where Is My Mind - The Pixies
32. Holiday - Green Day
33. The Sky Is Crying - Stevie Ray Vaughan
34. The End - The Doors
35. Layla - Eric Clapton
36. Green River - CCR
37. Smells Like Teen Spirit - Nirvana
38. Remedy - Seether
39. Wake Me Up Inside - Evanescence
40. Karma Police - Radiohead
41. Paranoid - Black Sabbath
42. Immigrant Song- Led Zeppelin
43. In N' Out of Grace - Mudhoney
44. Outshined - Soundgarden
45. I Am The Highway - Audioslave
46. Like A Stone - Audioslave
47. When I'm Down - Chris Cornell
48. Bleed The Freak - Alice In Chains
49. What The Hell Have I - Alice In Chains
50. Once - Pearl Jam

Bad candy....BAD!

For a funny site on really bad candy, go HERE .