Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"Here's a sign I don't like: AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY. Now, if there's one thing I know about myself, it's that I'm definitely not authorized. I wouldn't even know where to go to get authorized. Can you do it by mail? Wouldn't baptism sort of authorize you? I go through the door anyway. If I get stopped, I say, 'Well, I may not be authorized for this, but I am authorized for other things. And your sign doesn't mention which things.' "