Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"In my family, we are nautical people. We have the sea in our veins. I do not speak metaphorically: Sometimes we find actual eels in our underpants. That's how nautical we are. And so a few weeks ago, we set out on a sea voyage from Fort Lauderdale, knowing that it would be five days and roughly 153 meals (included), before we would reach our destination: Fort Lauderdale. We sailed aboard a cruise ship, which had one of those cruise-ship names, like the Majestic Vagabond Restaurant of the Seas. She is a fine vessel, a tad larger than Connecticut, boasting (really) an onboard shopping mall. Leaving port, she weighed 75,000 tons, at least half of which was food."