Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"My family's cruise began with a lifeboat drill. We lined up in neat rows, wearing life jackets, calmly awaiting instructions. In a real emergency, of course, we'd fight for the lifeboats like wild dogs battling for meat. Our sneakers would squish with blood. We have all seen Titanic, so we know what happens to people who wait their turn. Speaking of meat: After the drill it was time for dinner! In the dining room, we engaged in sparkling intellectual repartee with our fellow voyagers ('What are you having?' 'I'm having the salmon.' 'Really? That's what I'm having!' 'Really?', etc.)"