Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"Although I am not allowed to dress my daughter, I still have to do her hair. I can't do my OWN hair, which looks like the nest of a deeply troubled osprey. But Sophie wants a ponytail, and she is not happy with the quality of the one I make. I don't blame her: It's asymmetrical. It looks like it's from a cubist pony whose tail grows out of the side of its butt. So I spend a lot of time being brutally critiqued on my hair techniques by my daughter. It's not easy, but I am happy to do it to support the sports-writing career of my wife, to whom I say: Honey, if you're reading this in some locker room somewhere filled with naked male athletes, rest assured that we're OK! Also, you'd better be reading this with your eyes closed."