Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"I started lifting weights. But not for the reason you think. You think I want to look 'cut' and 'ripped' and have bulging muscles like the ones on male underwear models, who for some reason are always shown posing outdoors, looking sullen, as if a group of even more-muscular models stole their pants. But you are wrong. I'm lifting weights for sensible medical reasons, which I learned about from the highest possible medical authority: the Internet."