Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"When I got into journalism, I expected to do many things, but none of them involved standing on a colleague's groin. Recently, however, I learned that I might be called upon to do exactly that. I learned this in Fright School, which is formerly known as Hostile Environment Training. This is a course, taught by corporate security consultants, that teaches you what to do if you find yourself in a situation involving dangerous elements such as terrorists, kidnappers, robbers, rioters, or fans of the Oakland Raiders."