Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"I'm making progress with my weight lifting: This very morning I 'bench-pressed' a total weight of - and here, to make it look more impressive, I will use the metric system - 4,082,331.33 centigrams. Lying on my back, I was able to lift this weight INTO THE AIR, then bring it back down onto my chest, thus completing a 'bench press.' Unfortunately, I couldn't get the weight back off my chest. Seriously: I was trapped. My wife had come to rescue me. She thought it was very funny; I heard her laughing all the way to the kitchen. I bet the pickle jar was laughing, too. I will kill it with a hammer, if I can ever lift my arms again."