do the Friday dance!
Friday, May 12, 2006
Baby, one more time
By now EVERYONE should know that Federspears is having another baby. Apparently Kevin Federline isn't happy just having 3 kids in this world....no. He wants to create his own baseball team....the Federline Corn Rows. Yeah. Britney's got another bun in the oven. Apparently the girl didn't learn her lesson the first time around. Hasn't she heard of birth control? (and with Kevin Federline, the more birth control the better!!!) As a little homage to the less than dynamic duo, I wrote a little song, from Sean Preston's point of view...
Oh baby, baby,
Mommy's tummy's starting to grow.
She let my greasy daddy back inside her.
Oh baby, baby,
Doesn't my mommy know,
That birth control's not a crime, yeah.
Someone buy my mom a baby car seat,
In fact, buy two, one for the baby and one for me,
Oh because,
The strength of my dad's fertility,
And my mom's immaturity,
Have come together to extend my family.
Please don't run that stop sign,
And don't drop me mommy, one more time.
Poor Sean Preston. Poor future Federspears. As Carlos Mencia said, Britney should get her vagina sewn shut! And fast. The thought of 10 or 11 Federspears kids running around is scary!
Oh baby, baby,
Mommy's tummy's starting to grow.
She let my greasy daddy back inside her.
Oh baby, baby,
Doesn't my mommy know,
That birth control's not a crime, yeah.
Someone buy my mom a baby car seat,
In fact, buy two, one for the baby and one for me,
Oh because,
The strength of my dad's fertility,
And my mom's immaturity,
Have come together to extend my family.
Please don't run that stop sign,
And don't drop me mommy, one more time.
Poor Sean Preston. Poor future Federspears. As Carlos Mencia said, Britney should get her vagina sewn shut! And fast. The thought of 10 or 11 Federspears kids running around is scary!
Caption This!
Sahir had a strange feeling that someone was behind him.
post your own funny caption in a comment if you would like.
Random Fact of The Day
Mt. Everest is the tallest mountain in the world, at 29,028 feet tall. Its summit ridge marks the border between China and Nepal.
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
"What happens if a big asteroid hits Earth ? Judging from realistic simulations involving a sledge hammer and a common laboratory frog, we can assume it will be pretty bad. "
Stupid News Story of The Day
(At least they know it works.)
Shotgun Goes Off at Auction, Shooting Two
BELLEVUE, Iowa - An auction to benefit a family whose home burned down went off with a bang. Fortunately, no one was seriously hurt. Darrell Clasen and John Moellers were both shot when a 10-gauge shotgun accidentally discharged at the auction on Sunday.
Police said a 10-year-old boy put a shell in the gun, which was on a table of things to be auctioned. A man later picked up the gun and it discharged, police said.
Moellers was hit in the shoulder. Clasen was struck in the arm. Both men were taken to a the hospital where they were treated and released.
Clasen said he heard the gun go off.
"It was loud," he said. "I could see the smoke from the gun and then I felt it. It didn't hurt, but it was like a burning sensation."
Clasen said both he and Moellers were going to be OK. He said no one is holding a grudge.
"Everybody learned a lesson," he said.
There were about 200 people at the benefit and the boy apparently was able to put the shell in the gun unnoticed because of the noise of the crowd, police said.
The benefit was being held for a family whose home burned down last month.
___
Information from: Telegraph Herald, http://www.thonline.com
Thursday, May 11, 2006
More American Idol crap
I am still mad about Chris getting booted from American Idol. I think the American public has gone nuts to pick Katharine over Chris, but then I am inclined to think that the votes don't actually count anyway. Stupid show. Still, I was reading around and what some people had to say actually made sense. For one, Chris is the "rocker" and no "rocker" has ever won American Idol. Last year Bo Bice came close, but in the end, the All-American Carrie Underwood took it all. Second, Chris is better not winning the show because I doubt very many bands would take him too seriously as the winner of American Idol. He got enough exposure on the show that someone is gonna pick him up, and yes, there are rumors that he might be the next lead singer for Fuel. I have read that on many places. Thirdly, he didn't have the likeable factor that Taylor and Katharine have. Taylor is a crowd pleaser. I don't think his music will translate as well to an audio record as it would to maybe something like Broadway or something, where his charisma would come in handy. And of course, Katharine has the teenage boys' vote now that all the other girls are out of the competition. Chris has power in his voice and a commanding stage presence, but he didn't compromise himself (which I don't think one should ever do in the first place, but then the show is a popularity contest and not always a talent contest, and sometimes to win, you gotta compromise...kudos to him for not doing so.). I think, again this is going on whether or not you think the votes actually count, that many of the voters thought that Chris was a shoe-in and didn't NEED the votes to make it to the final 3. So they voted for Elliot, the underdog, and Katharine because she was in danger of being eliminated. Taylor, who has never been in the lowest votes range, was obviously safe. Of course, this left Chris in the dust, but so what. You know you will be seeing more of him.
I am still pissed though. Grrrrr
I am still pissed though. Grrrrr
Random Fact of The Day
A honeybee's stinger evolved primarily as a weapon in inter-bee combat between different hives. The stinger, although barbed, can easily penetrate another bee's exoskeleton and retract safely, thus allowing it to sting multiple times. It is only when it stings a mammal that the barbed stinger becomes lodged in the victim's skin, tearing it loose from the bee's abdomen, leading to its death.
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
"Men, you really CAN overcome your wife's resistance to a new TV, if you (a) take the time to listen - really listen - to her objections; then (b) respond patiently and sincerely, without resorting to browbeating; then (c) when she falls asleep, smash your current TV screen with a brick. 'I don't know how it happened!' should be your explanation. 'I was tossing a brick around in the family room like I always do, and BOOM! Now if we don't get a new, larger TV, we'll have no way to watch Oprah, or romantic movies starring Hugh Grant!' That will get her. Women LOVE Hugh Grant, Mr. Charming with his floppy hair and his accent. I bet he has a tiny diagonal. Not that I think about it."
Stupid News Story of The Day
(You don't even know where those feet have been!)
Man admits NY foot-fetish assaults
By Jeanne King
NEW YORK (Reuters) - A 23-year-old with a foot fetish has admitted he tried to kiss, fondle and lick the legs and toes of more than 70 women on the New York subway over the last three years, prosecutors said on Wednesday.
In a handwritten confession to police released by the Manhattan district attorney's office, Joseph Weir said his aim was "to make them laugh and smile and open to talk to me."
Weir, who was arrested late last week after attacking a woman on a subway in lower Manhattan, is charged with forcible touching, sex abuse and unlawful imprisonment -- the latter charge referring to his habit of grabbing his victims' legs and not letting go.
He faces up to a year in jail if convicted and has been released on $6,000 (3,200 pound) bail until a court hearing on June 26.
In a rambling confession peppered with grammatical errors, Weir, who lives in Brooklyn, detailed how he accosted the women while riding the subways between Manhattan and the borough of Queens.
"I get on my knees, bow, grab their feet, kiss them. I grab their hand and tell them 'You're so beautiful. I'm not worthy,'" he wrote. "I do not give me real name. If they ask I will tell them my name is Anthony, Jason or Careem."
Weir said his motivation was to get to know the women, but he recalled that often they would move away when he tried to "taste and touch them."
"Some women had kick(ed) me and screamed," he wrote. "I've done this to about 70 women, mostly black."
Prosecutors said dozens of women had started to come forward to identify Weir, who told detectives in his confession that he lived with his parents and two sisters.
"I am currently unemployed," he wrote, adding that he had been fired from his previous job with a sightseeing company.
In his confession, Weir apologised to his victims, saying: "I don't mean to hurt no body and I am sorry."
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Screw American Idol...and their little Seacrest too
I am sooooo mad. Chris was voted off American Idol. Chris!!! What the hell?!?! He was the best singer of all of them. I think American Idol is rigged or something cuz there is no way, NO way that Katharine could have gotten more votes than Chris. And Taylor's frantic dance moves have officially started to bore me. God, will someone give that boy some ritalin?If anyone deserves to be the American Idol of the final 3 contestants it is Elliot. Elliot is unpretentious and talented. Taylor is just weird. Katharine has her ups and downs. But I am still pissed that Chris was voted off. GRRRRRRR!!!! I hate Ryan Seacrest, too. He has to drag out the results and make all of the contestants uncomfortable. Must be nice to have a cushy job. Maybe they should vote on whether to keep him on or not. Maybe then he wouldn't look so smug. I hate him. He is so freakin' metro. What is with this metrosexual crap? Why can't men just be content on looking like men?! Grrrrr. Why did he make the most beautiful list on People magazine. Why is Hugh Laurie not on there. Now there's a man! I am ranting, I know. Screw American Idol. I ain't watching anymore.
Oh hell. You know I will be watching again next week. But I reserve the right to remain pissed.
GRRRRRRR!
Caption This!
Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?
post your own funny caption in a comment if you want to.
Me so tired...so sleepy
I am in a rut.
I am tired all of the time. I have no energy. The pain has been more than usual and I get headaches all of the time. Is it the weather? Is it that I just need a vacation? Or is it that I am bored? I don't know. I am just tired of being tired all of the time.
I am sitting here at work, typing this because if I don't, I fear I will fall asleep at my desk - lol. I soooo want a nap. I could use a nap. When we are kids, we are expected to take naps. Why? Because we, as kids, play a lot and get tired and need a rest. Well, as adults, the playing changes to working, and I don't know about you, but working makes me tired. So why no more naps? I want nap time, damnit! Bring nap time to the workplace! I promise I won't drool at my desk.
The problem with me is that I get very little uninterrupted sleep. I go to bed and wake up at least 3 times a night. And no, it's not because of my bed. I don't need one of those special mattresses that the Bionic Woman has been advertising about...you know...the Sleep Number mattress...the one that gives her a more recuperative sleep. No. My bed is cumfy. Very cumfy. I love my bed. I am just a light sleeper. Every little noise wakes me up. Whether it be my next noor neighbor closing his door or the people across the way talking outside in the middle of the night, or a dog barking or the train going by. I wake up all of the time. I have even tried earplugs but that just unnerves me because, oddly enough, I need to hear some kind of noise to fall asleep...a clock ticking, soft music on the radio. So I guess I am S.O.L there. I am just weird!
So my lack of a good night's sleep is wearing me out and also making me cranky and is possibly contributing to more arthritis pain. There has got to be something out there than can make me sleep better. I have tried OTC sleeping pills, but those don't do much for me. Maybe I just need someone to come sing me a lullabye at night before I go to bed - LOL.
Well, it is almost lunch time and I am debating whether I wanna eat or take a nap. If anyone has any ideas how I can do both at the same time, I wanna hear 'em.
I still want that job at the Serta Mattress factory testing out mattresses. I can lie down all day long and if I fall asleep, I can just blame it on how cumfy the mattress is. Now there's a job I could handle!
I am tired all of the time. I have no energy. The pain has been more than usual and I get headaches all of the time. Is it the weather? Is it that I just need a vacation? Or is it that I am bored? I don't know. I am just tired of being tired all of the time.
I am sitting here at work, typing this because if I don't, I fear I will fall asleep at my desk - lol. I soooo want a nap. I could use a nap. When we are kids, we are expected to take naps. Why? Because we, as kids, play a lot and get tired and need a rest. Well, as adults, the playing changes to working, and I don't know about you, but working makes me tired. So why no more naps? I want nap time, damnit! Bring nap time to the workplace! I promise I won't drool at my desk.
The problem with me is that I get very little uninterrupted sleep. I go to bed and wake up at least 3 times a night. And no, it's not because of my bed. I don't need one of those special mattresses that the Bionic Woman has been advertising about...you know...the Sleep Number mattress...the one that gives her a more recuperative sleep. No. My bed is cumfy. Very cumfy. I love my bed. I am just a light sleeper. Every little noise wakes me up. Whether it be my next noor neighbor closing his door or the people across the way talking outside in the middle of the night, or a dog barking or the train going by. I wake up all of the time. I have even tried earplugs but that just unnerves me because, oddly enough, I need to hear some kind of noise to fall asleep...a clock ticking, soft music on the radio. So I guess I am S.O.L there. I am just weird!
So my lack of a good night's sleep is wearing me out and also making me cranky and is possibly contributing to more arthritis pain. There has got to be something out there than can make me sleep better. I have tried OTC sleeping pills, but those don't do much for me. Maybe I just need someone to come sing me a lullabye at night before I go to bed - LOL.
Well, it is almost lunch time and I am debating whether I wanna eat or take a nap. If anyone has any ideas how I can do both at the same time, I wanna hear 'em.
I still want that job at the Serta Mattress factory testing out mattresses. I can lie down all day long and if I fall asleep, I can just blame it on how cumfy the mattress is. Now there's a job I could handle!
Funny Stuff From Dave Barry
Commencement Address to the College Class of 2006
"Does the fact that you, a grown adult, are moving back in with your parents mean that you're a sponging loser? Yes. You are Spongebob LoserPants. No! Sorry! I mean: No. It's fine! Your parents don't mind! They're thrilled to have you back home! Even from way up here on the podium I can hear their teeth grinding with joy. Besides, it's only temporary, right? In time you'll get tired of living with your parents, with their constant nagging about how you need to find a job, or at least help you with the housework, and could you put gas in Dad's car when you borrow it, and can you explain the Mystery Thong that Dad found in the backseat cup holder; and MY GOD IS THAT A TATTOO, and could you not play that music so loud at night, or could you at least play some DECENT music, we're not 'squares' you know, we like GOOD rock 'n' roll, we like The Mamas and The Papas, the Beatles - though not the later Beatles..."
Stupid News Story of The Day
(It's so nice to see a mom getting involved with her children's pranks.)
Mom Said to Help Girls Bake Ex-Lax Cookies
SKOWHEGAN, Maine - A 43-year-old woman is charged with helping her daughter and two other teenage girls bake cookies laced with a laxative that were then given to a teacher.
Julie Hunt appeared in Skowhegan District Court on Monday and pleaded innocent to a charge of misdemeanor assault.
Hunt was arrested Friday after a police investigation into the attempted prank at Carrabec Community School in Anson that sickened four seventh and eighth-grade children.
The cookies, which were baked with Ex-Lax, were left on the teacher's desk on April 10 with a note saying, "We made these cookies just for you, hope you enjoy them."
According to a police affidavit, Hunt told the girls how to crush the laxative pills and mix them in with the cookie batter. The girls, who are 13 and 14, used an entire box of pills, the affidavit says.
Mary Adley, the principal of the school, called police on April 24 after hearing two girls talking about the incident.
Maine State Police Lt. Dale Lancaster said that the girls were not facing criminal charges. The affidavit said all three girls were suspended by school officials.
But Hunt's involvement could not be overlooked, Lancaster said.
"If you assist children with perpetrating these kinds of crimes, you will be charged," he said.
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