Funny Stuff from George Carlin

~ Bumper Sticker: "We Are the Proud Parents of a Child Whose Self-Esteem is Sufficient that He Doesn't Need Us Advertising His Minor Scholastic Achievements on the Bumper of Our Car."

~ Leftovers make you feel good twice. First, when you put them away, you feel thrifty and intelligent: "I'm saving food!" Then, a month later, when blue hair is growing out of the ham, and you throw it away, you feel REALLY intelligent: "I'm saving my life!"

~ People get all upset about torture, but when you get right down to it, it's a pretty good way of finding out something a person doesn't want you to know.