Funny Stuff from George Carlin

"Darts could have been a sport, because at least there is a chance to put someone's eye out. But, alas, dart will never be a sport, because the whole object of the game is to reach zero, which goes against all sports logic."

"Just think, right now, all over the world there are people excercising bad judgment. Somebody, right this minute, is probably making the mistake of his life."

"What's wrong with having a prison in your neighborhood? It seems to me it would make for a fairly crime-free area. You think a lot of crackheads and thieves and hookers are gonna be hangin around in front of a prison? And if a couple of the prisoners do manage to escape, what do you think they are gonna do? Check real estate prices? That's the whole idea of breakin' out of prison: to get as far away as you possibly can."