Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"The first time I tried skiing was in 1964 at a ski area in southern New York state, where much of the time, instead of snow, you ski on frozen mud (or are we say in ski-area terminology, 'excellent conditions'). I went with my friend Lanny Watts, who knew how to ski, and who - after watching me fall down repeatedly while I was still in the parking lot - decided that the best way for me to learn would be to go straight to the top of the mountain and see what happened. What happened was, I slid off the chairlift and went back down the mountain very fast. By 'very fast' I mean that, because of the Theory of Relativity, after a few seconds I had traveled back in time back to 1963 and was still picking up speed when I penetrated deep into the woods. In fact, one of those trees later bore my child."