Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"I haven't attempted to ski for years, but recently I decided to take another stab at it. I was hoping they'd done something about the gravity problem. Gravity is the biggest drawback to skiing. Without gravity, it would be a carefree activity: You'd put on your skis, head for the slopes, and just...hover for a while. Then it would be time for 'apres ski' (French for 'no longer skiing'). Instead, you have gravity. Huge amounts of it. Ski areas are located smack dab on top of giant gravity piles called 'mountains.' Most areas also use machines to make more gravity at night. Thus, powerful forces are always trying to suck you, the skier, down the mountain and into larged fixed objects such as buildings. This is why the No. 1 Rule of Skiing Safetly is: 'Never go up the mountain without a good reason, such that it is summer."