This is a very blue post..I warned you...

I just told someone that the supervisor might be in a meeting because on Thursdays she always has a staff meeting. That would have been an ok statement to make....except that it is Tuesday, not Thursday. Geezzzz! Where is my mind?!

Well I can definitely say that my mind is not on work. I talked to my grandma last night to see how her biopsies went and she told me that she does, indeed, have cancer. The biopsies will tell them what kind of cancer it is and then the doctors will tell her what steps to take next, but she says there probably won't be much they can do. But she says she will accept whatever happens and go along with whatever the doctors tell her to do. She said it so calmly. She was even joking about how the doctors told her that she talks too much and that she needs to listen more and to talk less. That's my grandma for you.

I don't want to lose her. I don't want her to die, and maybe that is being selfish of me, but I don't care. I want her around for a long, long time. I can't imagine spending Christmas without her. I can't even bring myself to think that this past Christmas might have been her last Christmas with us. I just can't accept that.

One never knows just how long they have on this earth. We take people for granted everyday, thinking they will always be there, and that each time we see them, everything will be wonderful and perfect and they will always be waiting for us with a smile on their face. We always think that the people around us will never get sick and that they will never die. We live in a dream world most of the time, where our friends and family are immortals and they never get hurt. It is just too bad that it takes something like a serious illness or death to make us see that each day we have on earth is a gift and that we should never take people for granted, and never wait to say "I love you," because you never know...you just never know.

Ugh. I didn't want this post to be so depressing. This whole thing has just made me think a lot more about my family and friends...the people I care about the most in this world. I love every single one of them. And I never want them to get sick or get hurt...ever.

But I know it happens. I know.

I can't wait to see my grandma on Thursday night. I want to hug her and tell her everything will be all right. I want to tell her that no matter what happens, we will always love her and stand by her, and that if I could take her pain away, I would. I want to tell her that. But I am afraid that if I tell her that, I will cry. And I don't want her to see that. I don't want her to feel sad. I want her to be surrounded by smiles and hugs. I can save the tears for later, when I am alone and there is no one to see me.

Live. Laugh. Love.

And don't just do it...do it with feeling (as Leif always said.)

Those are words to live by.