Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"In the 1970's, along came the bold food pioneer who invented the Atkins Diet: Dr Something Atkins. After decades of research on nutrition and weight gain - including the now-famous Hostess Ding Dong Diet Experiment, which resulted in a laboratory rat the size of a Plymouth Voyager - Dr Atkins discovered an amazing thing: Calories don't matter! What matter are carbohydrates, which result when a carbo molecule and a hydrate molecule collide at high speeds and form tiny invisible doughnuts. Dr Atkins's discovery meant that - incredible though it seemed - as long as you avoided carbohydrates, you could, without guilt, eat high-fat, high-calorie foods such as cheese, bacon, lard, pork rinds, and whale. You could eat an entire pig, as long as the pig had not recently been exposed to bread."