Stupid News Story of The Day

(I'm burning, I'm burning, I'm burning for you.)

Burning desire to be fireman lands man in jail

SYDNEY (Reuters) - An Australian conman who wanted to be a fireman stopped at traffic accidents to offer help and even stole a fire truck so he could impress his girlfriend with a joyride, a court heard on Friday.

Simon Francis Jobson pleaded guilty to 30 charges including fraud, theft, forgery and impersonating a public official, local media reported.

Judge Michael Forde sentenced Jobson to five years in jail but told the District Court in the Queensland state capital Brisbane that he would be eligible for parole in a year.

The court heard that Jobson had broken into Queensland fire stations, stealing uniforms, radios and safety equipment during a spree lasting from September 2003 until December 2004 -- soon after he had been released from jail on similar offences.

Pretending to be a fireman, he would stop at traffic accidents and offer help, Australian Associated Press reported.

Prosecutors said Jobson had even done a fire inspection on a pub in Queensland's Sunshine Coast holiday strip and made safety suggestions that were acted upon.

He also broke into a Sunshine Coast fire station and stole a fire truck, which he used in a joyride for his girlfriend, who believed he was a fireman.

Jobson's lawyer Tony Entriken said his client wanted psychiatric treatment because he had a "burning desire to overcome his disorder".

Phobia of The Day

Pteromerhanophobia: fear of flying

Random Fact of The Day

A dragonfly has a lifespan of 24 hours.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"Miami loves to party. We party to celebrate when something good happens, such as winning the World Series, which we do, like clockwork, every six years. When something bad happens, we party to cheer ourselves up. When nothing is happening, we party because we are bored. If Fidel ever dies, Miami will not regain consciousness for decades. "

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Yeah...sorry about the mess.)

Man apologizes for courtroom feces

DULUTH, Minn. - A Chicago man apologized for spreading his feces around a courtroom during his trial on drug charges.

Vandale Amos Willis, 28, apologized Wednesday before being sentenced to more than 10 years in prison. Willis was convicted earlier of importation of a controlled substance, cocaine, and two other charges.

"Im going to take full responsibility for everything I did in Duluth," Willis told the court. "I want to apologize for everything I did in court. Im sorry, your honor."

He asked Judge David Sullivan to put him on probation. Sullivan told Willis his actions wouldn't be held against him, but there was no reason to depart from sentencing guidelines.

Phobia of The Day

Bromidrosiphobia: fear of body smells

Random Fact of The Day

For every gallon of sea water, you get more than a quarter pound of salt.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"The weightlifting competition I saw was the women’s 63 kg class. I’m not sure whether this means the actual women weighed 63 kg or the weights they lifted weighed 63 kg. Or possibly the temperature in the weightlifting hall was 63 kg. There’s no way to know for sure without finding out what a “kg” is, and my belief, as an American, is that if I have to start understanding the metric system, then the terrorists have won."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Well, I guess embalming won't be necessary.)

Body found in bed 5 years after death

VIENNA (Reuters) - Austrian authorities have discovered the body of a man who apparently died at home in bed five years ago, a Vienna newspaper reported on Wednesday.

The corpse of Franz Riedl, thought to have been in his late 80s when he died, went undetected for so long because his rent had been paid by automatic order from the bank account into which he received his pension, the daily Kurier said.

Neighbors said there was no strange smell coming from Riedl's apartment and authorities who found the body after a court order was given to enter said his body appeared to have "mummified" and was well preserved.

"He had been frail and a woman had helped him," the husband of the apartment block's caretaker told Kurier, adding that mail had always piled up outside the pensioner's flat. "We thought he had moved in with her or gone to an old people's home."

Police said they were not certain as to exactly when the man had died, but that they had found only schilling notes in the apartment -- the currency used by Austria before the introduction of the euro on January 1, 2002.

Phobia of The Day

Acarophobia: fear of itching or of the insects that cause itching

Random Fact of The Day

The flea can jump 350 times its body length, that is like a human jumping the length of a football field.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"I have come up with a sure-fire concept for a hit television show, which would be called "A Live Celebrity Gets Eaten by a Shark".

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Maybe next time, he'll just buy a postcard, or a nice keychain.)

Student flying with dynamite "souvenir" indicted

HOUSTON (Reuters) - A U.S. tourist who told airport inspectors that dynamite in his bags was a souvenir from South America has been charged with breaking two security laws and could face up to 10 years in prison and steep fines.

A grand jury returned a two-count indictment charging Howard MacFarland Fish, 21, with carrying an explosive on an aircraft and entering an airport in violation of security requirements, U.S. Attorney Don DeGabrielle said in a news release on Wednesday.

Fish, a student at Lafayette College in Pennsylvania, was stopped at Houston Intercontinental Airport on August 25 on his way home from Argentina. Customs inspectors found a small stick of dynamite, a fuse and a blasting cap in his bags.

He told investigators he had picked up the items as souvenirs while visiting a silver mine in Argentina.

Carrying an explosive on an aircraft is a felony carrying maximum possible penalties of 10 years in prison and a $250,000 (132,544 pound) fine. Violating airport security is a misdemeanor carrying a maximum year in prison and a $100,000 fine,

No trial date has been set. Fish is free on $75,000 bond.

Phobia of The Day

Hedonophobia: fear of feeling pleasure

Random Fact of The Day

The most powerful electric eel is found in the rivers of Brazil, Columbia, Venezuela, and Peru, and produces a shock of 400-650 volts.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"The French are not rude. They just happen to hate you. But that is no reason to bypass this beautiful country, whose master chefs have a well-deserved worldwide reputation for trying to trick people into eating snails. Nobody is sure how this got started. Probably a couple of French master chefs were standing around one day, and they found a snail, and one of them said: "I bet that if we called this something like `escargot,' tourists would eat it." Then they had hearty laugh, because "escargot" is the French word for "fat crawling bag of phlegm."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Aww shucks.)

Irishman wins world oyster opening championship By Kevin Smith

GALWAY (Reuters) - Ireland was the proud winner on Saturday of the 2006 World Oyster Opening Championship, beating off competition from 17 other countries to open 30 oysters in the fastest time.

At 2 minutes 35 seconds, Irish restaurateur Michael Moran was five seconds ahead of Sweden's Hasse Johannesson and 46 seconds faster than Britain's Frederick Lindford.

"It's just great to bring it home for Ireland," said Moran, whose father Willie took the title twice in the 1970s and whose time of 1 minute 31 seconds is unbeaten.

"I put in a big effort and it paid off -- I can't believe it," Moran, 23, told Reuters.

The secret, he said, was a steady hand with the oyster knife.

"It has to be a smooth movement or you risk crunching the shell and then you get points taken off for grit," he said.

It was the first win for Ireland in 10 years but the country's 15th overall in the four-decade history of the competition, which has long been a major feature of the Galway Oyster Festival, now in its 52nd year.

"He was a bold man that first ate an oyster," observed 18th century Irish writer Jonathan Swift, and by that measure there were a lot of bold men -- and women -- gathered in the medieval "City of the Tribes" on Ireland's rugged west coast on Saturday.

"We reckon there are around 12,000 people here this year and they'll scoff somewhere in the region of 100,000 oysters in the four days of the festival," said organizer John Rabbitt.

The festival draws visitors from around the world, as much for the Irish "craic" -- dancing and drinking -- as for the oysters, which mollusk aficionados say derive a distinctive sweetness from Ireland's Atlantic waters.

"I've had more oysters than I've eaten in my life," said first-time British visitor Michael Codrington.

"At least 50 -- all washed down with a lot of Guinness."

The festival, dreamt up by a Galway hotelier to mark the start of the oyster season -- and drum up post-summer business -- has seen its share of famous visitors over the years.

In 1960, U.S. film director John Huston dropped by and in 1993 comedian Bob Hope delighted the crowd with a rendition of "Thanks for the Memories" in the city's main square.

This year the event is expected to generate around 7 million euros ($8.87 million) for the local economy.

What's this? An actual blog entry? Are you kidding?

Can it be? An actual blog entry? I know it has been a while since I last "blogged." Now that they keep me busy at work, I have had no actual time to blog. Let's face it. By the time I get home from work, my brain has had enough of thinking. Thus the blog slack-off.

I am lazy. This is a known fact.

It seems like we went from summer straight to winter in just a few days. Just last week, it was still in the 90's and today, it was cold all day long...and rainy. The colder weather is a big break for the firefighters tackling that once-monster fire that has plagued Southern California for nearly a month. Gosh. One day I got off of work and the sky was orange and brown with smoke from the fire. I thought there was a fire here in town, but it was the smoke from the Day Fire, which started near Ojai nearly a month ago and has since burned over 162,000 acres (it was started by someone who was burning trash, and the fire got out of control). It came really close to Lake of The Woods and Frazier Park, which is near where I used to live. Pretty scary. The fire is now over 90% contained, so let's hope it gets put out really soon.

The break in the heat is a welcome relief to me, but I wasn't quite ready for the rain. Damn my bones ache. I hate the rainy season for that reason.

We had our 2nd annual Department All Staff at the Rabobank Arena on Friday. It was an all-day event. It went pretty well. I really liked the guest speakers (Antwone Fisher and Josh Shipp), and my 2 workshops were pretty good. I would have liked the whole event even more had I not had a bad headache that day. There is always SOMETHING that ruins a good day. Grrrr. And, once again, I was shut out of the raffle prizes, although Veronica did win something (you go girl!). When you have like 10-15 prizes for some 1500 people, that is pretty damned good.

Time for bed! I can't wait til Friday when I am off and can sleep in again.

I love sleeping in. I wish I could do it everyday.

Caption This!

The bird flu strikes again.

post your own funny caption in a comment if you wanna.

Phobia of The Day

Bathmophobia: fear of steep slopes or stairs

Random Fact of The Day

When you walk down a steep hill, the pressure on your knees is equal to three times your body weight.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"I like beer. On occasion I will even drink a beer to celebrate a major event such as the fall of communism or the fact that our refrigerator is still working. "

Stupid News Story of The Day

(There is a time to tattle, and this was not the time.)

Man allegedly tells police he stole pot

CEDAR RAPIDS, Iowa - A man who police say was caught with two pounds of marijuana allegedly told officers the drug wasn't his because he stole it.

Bradley Robison, 18, of Cedar Rapids, was charged with possession of marijuana with intent to deliver and failure to affix a drug tax stamp.

When police found him with the marijuana, he said he had stolen it from a nearby business that he had just broken into, court records show.

Linn County Attorney Harold Denton said it doesn't matter how Robison got the marijuana — only that he had it.

"If you steal it, you steal it and you possess it," Denton said. "It's a double whammy."

Robison was caught by officers after they saw him running from the area early Tuesday, police said.

A burglary charge was being considered but had not been immediately filed.

The investigation also led to a possession with intent to deliver charge being filed against Ruban Rivas, 36, for allegedly having the marijuana at the business that Robison broke into, court records show.

Both men were taken to jail but later released.

Caption This!

"Stupid humans! Why couldn't they just have given me the damned banana instead of torturing me like this?"

post your own funny caption in a comment if you wanna.

Phobia of The Day

Frigophobia: fear of cold, cold things

Random Fact of The Day

The coldest temperature ever officially recorded on earth was measured atthe Russian research station at Vostok, Antarctica. The air temperature reached -128.6F (89.6C) on 31 July 1983.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"To you taxpayers out there, let me say this: Make sure you file your tax return on time! And remember that, even though income taxes can be a “pain in the neck,” the folks at the IRS are regular people just like you, except that they can destroy your life. "

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Hamster on the loose!)

Escaped hamster interrupts jet flight

INNSBRUCK, Austria - It wasn't "Snakes on a Plane," but an Austrian Airlines jet made an unscheduled stop Friday after a passenger sneaked a hamster aboard and the rodent escaped. The flight from Palma de Mallorca, Spain, to the southern Austrian city of Graz made a stop in Innsbruck so officials could search for the hamster and make sure it didn't gnaw through any wiring, the airline said.

It said the flight was diverted after a passenger notified the crew that he had brought a hamster aboard and had lost track of it. Passengers were ordered off the plane, and some were taken by bus to Graz. It was not immediately clear how many people were aboard.

By midafternoon, a search of the aircraft still had not turned up any sign of the hamster, authorities said.

Austrian Airlines said the jet would remain grounded until the hamster was found "because it can't take off that way for safety reasons."

Phobia of The Day

Harpaxophobia: fear of being robbed

Random Fact of The Day

The word "raccoon" is derived from the Algonquian word aroughcoune, "he who scratches with his hands."

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep abreast of current events. The ground is a giant dog newspaper, containing all kinds of late-breaking dog news items, which, if they are especially urgent, are often continued in the next yard. "

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Must......play.....piano!)

Burglar betrayed by urge to play piano

AMSTERDAM (Reuters) - A burglar who broke into a house in the Dutch town of Tiel on Wednesday night could not resist playing the piano he found there after ransacking the living room, police said on Thursday.

Unfortunately for the 20-year-old thief, his music woke the owner of the house, who called the police.

"The owner didn't register whether the playing was any good or not. He was more worried about the state of his house," a police spokesman said.

Phobia of The Day

Metallophobia: fear of metal

Random Fact of The Day

Israel's Dead Sea is 1,312 feet below sea level.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"The other day my son and I were talking, and the subject of women came up, and I realized that it was time he and I had a Serious Talk. That’s the talk every father should have with his son; and yet, far too often, we fathers avoid the subject because it’s so awkward. The subject I am referring to is: buying gifts for women. This is an area where many men do not have a clue. Exhibit A was my father, who was a very thoughtful man, but who once gave my mother, on their anniversary, the following token of his love, his commitment, and—yes—his passion for her: an electric blanket. "

Stupid News Story of The Day

(If a guy like this can get a law degree, then we should all be afraid...very afraid)

Australian law student thief caught in getaway cab

SYDNEY (Reuters) - A law student who used taxis to escape with loot from dozens of house break-ins has been jailed after police in Australia caught him red-handed in the back of a cab fleeing his latest heist.

When not studying for a masters degree in law, Phillip Ryan See, 27, used his off-time to rob 43 houses in Sydney's plush harbourside suburbs, netting goods worth more than A$110,000 ($83,000), the Sydney Morning Herald newspaper said on Thursday.

See, who once worked as a legal assistant in a government law office, would load plasma televisions, cameras, jewellery and laptop computers into the boot of a taxi after each raid.

But when a surprised home-owner discovered See during a midnight burglary, police arrested the would-be legal eagle escaping in the back of another taxi.

During a search of See's flat, police found one of their own uniforms stolen during another break-in.

See was jailed for four years and nine months after the judge accepted he had a psychotic disorder.

So long and thanks for all the noise

Not a whole lot has been going on around good ole Bako for a while. The fair is in town, which means there will be an overflow of teenagers eating cotton candy and puking on rides and carnies trying their best lines out on all of the young girls in hopes they might choose their ride to ride on (probably hoping the girls will be wearing skirts so they can catch the occasional glimpse of panties as they swing and sway on those cheap ass rides of theirs). Yeah. That is what the fair is about. Kids, cotton candy, puking and carnies. Some fun that is.

I have no intention of going to the fair. The fair has ceased being fun to me ever since I saw that little girl falling off of the Ferris Wheel. Nowadays, I view the fair as a dropping off place for parents to leave their kids for a few hours to let the carnies and cotton candy vendors to babysit them while they go out to dinner or a movie or whatever parents do when their kids aren't around ; ) The fair is full of rude people all trying to get to the pizza stand before the person in front of them does, so they won't be deprived of the last piece of pizza and, heaven forbid, have to wait for a fresh pizza to come out. It is a place where some dumbass in the parking lot has to point out to you where to park and where a small soda costs somewhere between $3 and $5. The fair has bathrooms that make a rest stop bathroom look spotlessly clean. It is a place that smells like a mix of corn dogs, pizza, cotton candy, body odor and cow crap. It is a place where, once you are in, you can't wait to get out.

At least, that is how I see it.

I just hate crowds. I hate crowds of teenagers even more. Not that I have anything against teenagers in general....I just hate having to try to have to push my way through crowd of them because, lord knows, they have to stop right in the middle of the walkway to tell their friends that so-and-so likes so-and-so and can you find out if so-and-so likes so-and-so....and so on, and so forth. Because you just know that EVERYONE will be talking about it in school the next day, and besides that whole war thing going on in the Middle East, THIS is THE most important thing in the world and we MUST discuss it NOW....right in the middle of the road.

Plus it is still hot here in Bako. They don't call it Bakersfield for nothing. And you know that hot = sweat and there is nothing, I mean NOTHING, that I hate worse in the world than having to shove my way through a crowd of hot, sweaty teenagers.

Well, nothing aside from having to sit through a marathon of Steven Seagal movies while I am being interrogated by police officers in a room infested with fire ants and Paris Hilton clones while a ferret bites my toes and a moose chews on my hair. Not that I have ever experienced that, but I would assume that it would be somewhat worse than being in the middle of a crowd of hot sweaty teenagers. I will let you be the judge of that.

Anyway, on a good note, my noisy, rude, idiotic neighbors have moved away! YES!! Finally I will get some sleep!!! I can tell you that I was soooooooooooo happy when I saw that they are no longer living next door to me. It was a happy, happy day indeed.

I have to go to the opthomologist tomorrow, which sucks ass, but at least I know that when I come home from there and when I am blind from having my eyes dilated, I know that I can come home and lie in bed with the lights out and the shades drawn and be able to take a nap, because my noisy neighbors are gone!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!! Woo hoo!!!

Peace and quite rocks!!

Phobia of The Day

Spacephobia: Fear of outer space

Random Fact of The Day

The first asteroid discovered was called 1 Ceres, and it was discovered by Giuseppe Piazzi in 1801 in Palermo in Sicily.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"What happens if a big asteroid hits Earth? Judging from realistic simulations involving a sledge hammer and a common laboratory frog, we can assume it will be pretty bad."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Apparently, he knows the way to E-Bay.)

Three-year-old buys pink convertible on eBay

LONDON (Reuters) - Jack Neal briefly became the proud owner of a pink convertible car after he managed to buy it for 9,000 pounds on the Internet despite being only three years old.

Jack's mother told the BBC she had left her password for the eBay auction site in her computer and her son used the "buy it now" option to complete the purchase.

"Jack's a whiz on the PC and just pressed all the right buttons," Rachel Neal said.

The seller of the second-hand car, a dealer from Worcestershire, was amused by the bid and agreed not to force the sale through.

"Luckily he saw the funny side and said he would re-advertise," Neal said.

Phobia of The Day

Autodysomophobia: fear of one that has a vile odor.

Random Fact of The Day

A baby skunk is called a kitten.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning "ability to," and bics, meaning "withstand tremendous boredom."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Gentlemen, plug your noses!)

Skunk supporters gather in northern Ohio

NORTH RIDGEVILLE, Ohio - People from as far away New Mexico and the Netherlands were in northern Ohio over the weekend, getting up close and personal with skunks.

Skunk owner Jeri Lynn Poling says others may not understand, but skunks make great pets and are soft and cuddly. She thinks having a rat or a lizard or a snake is weird.

Poling and other polecat enthusiasts gathered in North Ridgeville, about 25 miles southwest of Cleveland, for the sixth annual Skunkfest.

The event raises money for Skunk Haven, a nonprofit group that saves and rehabilitates injured skunks. And, pet skunks compete in beauty, personality and costume contests.

By the way, they all pass the sniff test, because those domesticated skunks are deodorized.

___

Information from: The Plain Dealer, http://www.cleveland.com

Phobia of The Day

Paraskavedekatriaphobia: fear of Friday the 13th

Random Fact of The Day

It wasn't until the 3rd installment in the Friday The 13th series that Jason Voorhees gets his trademark hockey mask.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"You should do your own car repairs. It's an easy way to save money and possibly maim yourself for life."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Yet another reason to not drink and drive.)

Man threatens bikers, gets hit with car

PITTSBURG, Calif. - An alleged drunken motorist who brandished a pool cue while driving at a group of motorcyclists was hit by his own car after he attempted to approach the bikers on foot, authorities said.

Richard Brooks, 50, of Concord, was pulled to safety by the motorcyclists after his car — which he left in reverse — knocked him into the highway on Thursday, said Officer Scott Yox of the California Highway Patrol.

Brooks, who was arrested on suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon and driving under the influence, told authorities he was offended by skeletons some of the riders wore on their leather Harley-Davidson jackets and what he perceived as their attempts to appear tough.

"It was his impression that they thought they were better than him," Yox said. "They were irritating to him and he felt he needed to do something about it."

Yox said authorities had no evidence the riders instigated the incident. "Instead of mocking him for going after them, they perhaps set their own safety aside to reach over and rescue him from a position of danger," he said.

Brooks, who was treated at a hospital for cuts and scrapes, remained jailed Friday in lieu of $30,000 bail.

New blog

I created a new blog just for my digital scrapbook pages. You can find it by clicking HERE. I also put a link to it on the side bar to the right.

Caption This!

He's Popeye the E.Coli man.

post your own funny caption in a comment if you wanna.

Phobia of The Day

Chrometophobia: fear of money

Random Fact of The Day

Tipping is virtually non-existent in Japanese restaurants. Gratitude is normally shown by gift-giving,

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"I had no shoes and I pitied myself. Then I met a man who had no feet, so I took his shoes."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(They could, and they did.)

"Catch Me If You Can" thief jailed

SYDNEY (Reuters) - An Australian woman nicknamed the "Catch Me if You Can" thief was jailed for four years on Friday after an audacious crime spree across eastern Australia.

Jody Harris, 28, taunted police to try and catch her, telephoning detectives and offering up false promises to turn herself in before police finally trapped her in a "sting" operation in July.

Harris pleaded guilty to 43 of 124 identity fraud charges after the eight-month fling. She was ordered to repay A$175,000 ($132,560) in compensation to banks caught up in her crimes.

Local media dubbed Harris the "Catch Me If You Can" thief after the movie in which actor Leonardo DiCaprio played a master conman.

Magistrate Allan Moore told Sydney's Central Local Court that Harris was intelligent but her scams were not very sophisticated.

"One would have to suggest strongly that this is a matter of greed by you," Australian Associated Press quoted Moore as telling the court.

Harris stole credit cards and identity documents such as driver's licences and tricked bank staff into giving her access to the accounts of at least 33 women whose identities she assumed.

Harris even rang some of her victims, posing as fraud police to ask for new personal identity numbers when the old numbers lapsed.

Harris is still wanted in Queensland and Victoria states and could face more charges there once her sentence in New South Wales has been served.

She will be eligible for parole in July 2010.

($1=A$1.32)

Caption This!

Do you want fries with your haircut?

post your own funny comment in a caption if you wanna.

Phobia of The Day

Gerascophobia: fear of growing old.

Random Fact of The Day

The oldest known living organism on earth is the Methuselah tree, a Bristlecone Pine tree, located in the White Mountains of eastern California. It is estimated to be some 4,700 years old.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"Turbulence: This is what pilots announce that you have encountered when your plane strikes an object in midair. You'll be flying along, and there will be an enormous, shuddering WHUMP, and clearly the plane has rammed into an airborne object at least the size of a water buffalo, and the pilot will say, "Folks, we're encountering a little turbulence." Meanwhile they are up there in the cockpit trying desperately to clean water buffalo organs off the windshield. "

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Hit that bong, baby.)

Mom properly jailed for letting baby smoke dope

SAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) - A Montana mother who allowed her 18-month-old baby daughter to inhale from a marijuana water pipe on several occasions was properly convicted, but should not have to spend five years in jail, a U.S. appeals court ruled on Friday.

Jessica Durham was photographed allowing her toddler Michala to suck from a marijuana water pipe, also known as a bong, in 2004 by a friend upset about the activity.

"Ms. Durham allegedly remarked that smoking improved Michala's appetite and left Michala lethargic and mellow - a manner she found consistent with her own experience smoking marijuana," Judge Louis Pollak of the U.S. 9th Circuit Court of Appeals wrote in summarising the case.

In 2005, a lower court sentenced Durham to five years in prison for unlawful marijuana distribution. She appealed both the conviction and the sentence.

In its ruling on Friday, a three-judge panel of the 9th Circuit upheld the conviction but said the sentence exceeded the applicable federal law which calls for punishment of no more than two years in prison.

Phobia of The Day

Homichlophobia: fear of fog

Random Fact of The Day

The foggiest place in the world is the Grand banks off the island of Newfoundland, Canada. Fog is frequent here as the Grand Banks is the meeting place of the cold Labrador Current from the north and the much warmer Gulf Stream from the south.


from Wikipedia.com

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"American business long ago gave up on demanding that prospective employees be honest and hardworking. It has even stopped hoping for employees who are educated enough that they can tell the difference between the men's room and the women's room without having little pictures on the doors. "

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Don't you think it would have been easier just to call in sick?)

Man gets jail for fake newspaper obit

WATERLOO, Iowa - A northeast Iowa man who filed a fake obituary with a newspaper is headed to jail. James Snyder, of Stout, was accused of submitting the obituary for his girlfriend's 17-year-old son to the Waterloo-Cedar Falls Courier last December to get out of work.

The obituary said the teen died after a lengthy illness.

Snyder was charged with tampering with records. On Monday, he entered an Alford plea, and was sentenced to a year in jail — suspended to seven days.

Under an Alford plea, he admits no guilt, but agrees prosecutors had enough evidence to convict him.

The teen's mother, Mary Jo Elizabeth, was charged with accessory after the fact. She was sentenced in June to 30 days in jail, which was suspended to a year's probation.

The scam was discovered when people who knew the teen saw him at Waterloo restaurant and called authorities.

___

Information from: Waterloo-Cedar Falls Courier, http://www.wcfcourier.com

Random Thought For The Day

I saw a commercial for Quizno's today that said that if you weren't 100% satisfied with their subs, that they would give you a free sub. Which got me to thinking....if you aren't satisfied with the sub the first time, why would you want another one? And if you aren't satisfied with that one, will they give you another free one???

Phobia of The Day

Ballistophobia: fear of bullets or missiles

Random Fact of The Day

Malcolm X's real name is Malcolm Little.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(A bite for a bite...)

Panda bites man, man bites him back

BEIJING - A drunken Chinese migrant worker jumped into a panda enclosure at the Beijing Zoo, was bitten by the bear and retaliated by chomping down on the animal's back, state media said Wednesday.


Zhang Xinyan, from the central province of Henan, drank four jugs of beer at a restaurant near the zoo before visiting Gu Gu the panda on Tuesday, the Beijing Morning Post said.

"He felt a sudden urge to touch the panda with his hand," and jumped into the enclosure, the newspaper said.

The panda, who was asleep, was startled and bit Zhang, 35, on the right leg, it said. Zhang got angry and kicked the panda, who then bit his other leg. A tussle ensued, the paper said.

"I bit the fellow in the back," Zhang was quoted as saying in the newspaper. "Its skin was quite thick."

Other tourists yelled for a zookeeper, who got the panda under control by spraying it with water, reports said. Zhang was hospitalized.

Newspaper photographs showed Zhang lying on a hospital bed with blood-soaked bandages and a seam of stitches running down his leg.

The Beijing Youth Daily quoted Zhang as saying that he had seen pandas on television and "they seemed to get along well with people."

"No one ever said they would bite people," Zhang said. "I just wanted to touch it. I was so dizzy from the beer. I don't remember much."

Ye Mingxia, a spokeswoman for the Beijing Zoo, confirmed the incident happened but would not give any details. She said Gu Gu was "healthy."

"We're not considering punishing him now," Ye said in a telephone interview. "He's suffered quite a bit of shock."

It wasn't my fault. The speech wasn't there. I swear!

I am blogging at night. What...have I gone nuts? I am, by nature, a morning blogger. I like to start my day by airing my dirty laundry first thing in the morning. But I have been reduced to night blogging. Why? Because at work nowadays, I actually have to...gasp...WORK. What a concept!

Actually, all this work business is actually going ok. I feel more in my element helping out with training the new hire class. Honestly, I was pretty nervous about having to get up in front of the class and having to speak. I HATE public speaking. But, in this case, I actually know what I am talking about, so the pressure is off. WHEW! (Back in high school, I had to make a speech at graduation cuz I was the class Salutatorian, but after I flubbed my speech, everyone was probably either thinking "What the hell were they thinking when they made HER Salutatorian?" or "Awww...how nice. They made a retard the class Salutatorian.") But come when we have to talk about cash aid....well, let's just say I don't have much knowledge on that program. But the trainer does, so we are cool there. Cuz if I have to teach anything about cash aid, the whole class is screwed - lol. Hopefully, I will learn some stuff about cash aid in the process. I hate not knowing everything - hehe.

Back to the high school speech....I have an excuse. I wrote the speech out on paper and gave it to someone who was SUPPOSED to put it on the podium so when I got up there, it would be there. But when I got up there, it was nowhere to be found. To this day, I have no idea what happened to it.

But I digress. I had to clear that up. I am not "special." I just have a bad memory. And an eternal case of bad luck.

Anyway, it is only 2 days into the training class, and who knows what will happen in the next 7 weeks, but it is off to a good start. We have a good group of people who all seem eager to learn all of this stuff required for the job. Which is good, cuz if the class was all bored stiff, I would be bored too. And we can't have me nodding off during class now, can we? ;)

Caption This!

Can you hear me now? Can you hear me now? Good!

post your own funny caption in a comment if you wanna.

Phobia of The Day

Pediophobia: Fear of dolls

Random Fact of The Day

"Dolls have been around for far longer than most would think, archaeological evidence placing dolls as foremost candidate for oldest known toy, having been found in Egyptian tombs which date to as early as 2000 BC. In Egypt, as well as Greece and Rome, it was common to find them in the graves of children, these were mainly made from wood, however, among the wealthier families, pottery dolls were also found."

~ From Wikipedia.com

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 ft/sec, is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter. "

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Give that doctor a hand!)

Doctor accused of stealing cadaver hand

NEW BRUNSWICK, N.J. - A doctor has pleaded not guilty to stealing a hand from a New Jersey medical school cadaver and giving it to an exotic dancer, authorities said.

Ahmed Rashed, a 2005 graduate of the University of Medicine and Dentistry of New Jersey, was charged Monday after voluntarily returning from Los Angeles, where he is in a residency program, said his lawyer, Hassen Abdellah.

Rashed, 26, is free on $1,000 bail.

The dancer, Linda Kay, kept the hand in a jar of formaldehyde in her bedroom. Friends have said she called the hand "Freddy."

Police discovered the hand, along with six human skulls, at Kay's home in July, after being called there on a report that a roommate was suicidal. The roommate was not home, but Kay was.

Kay, 31, has pleaded not guilty to unlawful disposal of human remains. Her mother has said she believed the skulls were bought from a mail order catalog.

The left hand was taken in May or June 2002, according to an investigation by the school and South Plainfield police, said Middlesex County Assistant Prosecutor Judson Hamlin.

Medical school spokeswoman Anna Farneski said in a statement that the investigation is ongoing.

The charge against Rashed carries up to 10 years in prison.

They call me Forrest Gimp

God I have such sucky ass joints. My left knee is a freakin' mess and it aches and throbs and makes strange creaking and cracking noises. I wrecked on my dirt bike when I was a teenager (twice) and tore it open to the bone the first time. You would have think I would have learned a lesson from that wreck (as in not to go over jumps!), but nooooooooo. I had to go and do it again a few years later and tear open the same knee. I didn't think much about the future of my bones and joints when I was a kid, but I am sure paying for them now in my old(er) age.

Basically, my left knee is a mass of scar tissue and a completely jacked up knee cap that basically floats around. To put it simple, when you press down on my knee, it feels squishy....like Jell-O (as my mom so colorfully, and grossly, describes it). The knee didn't bother me much back then but it sure is acting up now. Everytime I squat down or step up or down the stairs I can feel a pulling in it. What pisses me off, is that I did it to myself. I should have gone to the doctor when I hurt it the first time, but I didn't. And now it is a mess. I am probably gonna have to go to the doctor about it and just hope and pray he doesn't tell me I have to have surgery. But as bad as it hurts me, I think I will do about anything at this point to make it not hurt - lol. Maybe I am just a big crybaby, but oh well. Wah wah wah. Boo hoo hoo.

You can tell I am having a pity party here, and I am the only one in attendance - lol. Which is probably a good thing, cuz if we had to play any games, I would be hobbling around like a dumbass.

From now on, you can call me Gimp. I give you permission

Phobia of The Day

Aeroacrophobia: fear of open, high places

Random Fact of The Day

An eagle can attack, kill, and carry away an animal as large as a small deer.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world. "

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Oil....hot!)

Village elders order trial by boiling oil

NEW DELHI (Reuters) - The leaders of a village in the Indian state of Rajasthan ordered 150 men to dip their hands into boiling oil to prove their innocence after food was stolen from a local school, a newspaper reported Sunday.

In late August the school's principal informed police that rice and wheat had disappeared but no action was taken, the Sunday Express said.

The council, or panchayat, of Ranpur village, 340 km (210 miles) south of state capital Jaipur, then decided to take the law into its own hands.

After 10 days spent trying to identify those responsible, it issued what the paper called the "medieval diktat."

The 150 men from Ranpur and two neighboring hamlets were told to pick a copper ring from a cauldron of boiling oil. The council elders then announced that the 50 who refused the order must be behind the crime. Many are now nursing their burns.

"We would have been ostracized had we refused. Out of fear all of us agreed. This is not the first time this has been done," said one 45-year-old man. He has now testified against the elders, who have been arrested.

Random Thought For Today

I walked in the bathroom at work the other day and there was a sign on one of the stall doors that said "Out of order. Thank you." It got me to thinking what exactly they meant by saying "thank you." Thank you for breaking the toilet? Thank you for not removing the sign and peeing in ther anyway? Thank you for observing our pretty sign? Thank you for choosing this bathroom? Thank you for what??? I wonder...

Phobia of The Day

Gephysrophobia: fear of crossing bridges

Random Fact of The Day

The Akashi-Kaikyo Bridge in Japan is the longest suspension bridge in the world at 12,826 ft (total length).

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

Ask Mr. Language Person

Q. What is the best true headline ever to appear in an actual newspaper?

A. In our opinion, that would be a headline from the Petersburg (Virginia) Progressive-Index, over a story about a mishap during the 2001 Bike Week gathering of motorcyclists in Florida. The headline, which was sent to us by alert reader Mary Ellen Lloyd, says: 'Skydiver Lands on Beer Vendor at Women's Cole-Slaw Wrestling Event.'

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Next week, you can help daddy work on his new fear of bridges.)

Dad breaks leg trying to cure phobia

LANTANA, Fla. - A father broke his leg trying to cure his daughter's fear of heights. Troy Stewart and his 10-year-old daughter Meagan were on their daily bike ride Monday evening when Stewart suggested they jump off a 15-foot bridge as a way of curing the girl's fear of heights.

Meagan made the jump into the Intracoastal Waterway safely, but her 31-year-old father ended up with a broken leg.

"At first he said, `Do you want to do it or not?'" Meagan said. "I thought, `It's kind of high,' and then he's like, `Trust me.'"

Stewart was able to get out of the water and waited nearby after Meagan rode her bike the half mile home and alerted her mother, who called authorities.

"In his mind, he was playing," said Mandy Potter, 32, of her partner of 10 years. "But I don't condone his child's play."

Stewart was not charged with a crime since Meagan jumped willingly. However, officials from the state Department of Children & Families planned to interview him.

"This is an example of what not to do as a parent," police Capt. Andy Rundle said. "And let this be a lesson to everybody: Somebody's tried it, and it's not a good idea."

Put on your training pants, people, and let's go to work

Well, I probably won't be blogging very much in the mornings for the next 6-8 weeks, since I am being moved, temporarily (or so they say), upstairs to the training classroom to assist the trainer in training the new hires. I was volunteered for this job, not by me, but by someone else. I don't really mind doing it. It will be a nice break from this day-to-day doing nothing crapola that I am doing (or rather, not doing) everyday. Sometimes I get so bored of doing nothing...just waiting for someone to bring me something to do. So actually having something to do will be nice for a change. Yeah. You heard it right. I am actually happy about being given work to do. Have I gone mad??? Not yet. But give me a few weeks and ask me that question again.You may get a different answer.

My feet have been killing me lately. Well, it's actually the heels of my feet that have been hurting. Everyday they hurt, and everyday I keep thinking, "maybe tomorrow they won't hurt." But that tomorrow never comes. I guess I should tell the doctor about it on my next visit. That might be a good idea - lol.

I heard that Britney Spears had her baby ... a boy... yesterday or something. Let's hope she has learned a little bit from her 1st baby and won't go driving around town with him on her lap. I just hope they don't give her as much crap about showing pictures of him to the world like they did with Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. Don't you think parents want some time with their babies to be alone and to be a family instead of parading around town and showing off pictures of them to the magazines? Sheesh. This is probably the only time in the kids' lives that they will be anonymous and not being followed around by the papparazzi. I got so tired of listening to crap about Tom and Katie and their "alien offspring" (to quote a certain gossip columnist). Don't you think that is a little sick, calling a baby an "alien" or whatnot? Don't you think she is going to grow up and learn about all this crap they were saying about her? How mean. She is just a baby. Leave her the hell alone.

Anyway, I know I got off on a rant there, but so what - lol. It is my blog. Whatever...I do what I want : P

I watched House last night, and damn if that show doesn't get better and better...and Dr House, cuter and cuter - lol. How come my doctors don't look like him????

I don't have much else to say today since nothing new has really happened in my neck of the woods. When something actually happens, I will write more. Just don't hold your breath.

Phobia of The Day

Coulrophobia: fear of clowns

Random Fact of The Day

The word clown comes from words meaning "clot" or "clod" which came also to mean "clumsy fellow", according to the Oxford English Dictionary.

~ from Wikipedia

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"I've always been puny. As a youth, I totally missed the boat to Puberty Island. It sailed away with all my classmates, leaving me standing on the dock. When it returned, down the gangplank came tromping all these young adults between six and eight feet tall, sporting muscles and beards and bosoms (sometimes all three). Whereas I was still this little hairless dweeb with a voice in the Pinocchio range."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(So THIS is how you got promoted?)

Spanish police embarrassed by porno film

MADRID, Spain - Spanish police officers settling in for a video presentation on how to get promoted to sergeant were instead shown footage from a hard-core pornographic film, officials said Tuesday.

Howling laughter rippled through the auditorium where 120 Madrid city police officers had gathered Monday to see the video on operations at an academy where they are to study, the Madrid regional justice and interior ministry said.

A ministry official said computer technicians have blamed the glitch on a Trojan Horse computer virus that activated when the computer containing the video was turned on.

"It was just bad luck that the virus activated right then," said the official, who could not be named because of department rules.

The person operating the computer stopped the video and turned it back on several times but each time the porno movie came back on, so the operator eventually just shut the computer off altogether, the official said.

Caption This!

Listen to me! I am super, super serial! Manbearpig is out there, and he will get you! I am so super serial!

(if you have seen the Manbearpig episode of South Park, you will get this - hehe)

Post your own funny caption in a comment if you wanna.

Phobia of The Day

Aulophobia: fear of flutes

Random Fact of The Day

The flute is a musical instrument of the woodwind family. Unlike other woodwind instruments, a flute produces its sound from the flow of air against an edge, instead of using a reed.

~ from Wikipedia

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"I found out from the Internet that when you get to be my age (old), you lose bone density and muscle mass. This alarmed me, because I never had any muscle mass to begin with. Men: You know how, when your wife can't open a pickle jar, she gives it to you, and you're supposed to smile in a manly patronizing way as you effortlessly twist it open? That's not what happens in our house. What happens is, after a grim struggle lasting several minutes, I wind up lying on the kitchen floor, exhausted and whimpering, while the pickle jar, unopened, laughs and flirts boldly with my wife. Sometimes it gives me a wedgie."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Talk about your bad luck.)

Bicyclist awaiting ambulance hit again

GREENVILLE, S.C. - A driver has been charged with leaving the scene of an accident with injuries after her car hit a bicyclist who was in the road waiting on an ambulance to treat him for injuries after being hit by another car.

Shannon Harris of Anderson turned herself in to investigators Sunday night after initially leaving the scene of the accident, said Lance Cpl. Kathy Hiles, a spokeswoman for the Highway Patrol.

The bike rider, whose name has not been released, was in serious condition at Anderson Area Medical Center, Hiles said. He was not wearing a helmet and his bike lacked proper lighting, Hiles said.

The bicyclist was hit first by a Nissan driven by Erin Hartness of Anderson, Hiles said. No charges were filed in that case.

While he was waiting in the road for an ambulance, the bicyclist was hit by the second car, whose driver stopped for a moment before leaving the scene.

___

Information from: The Greenville News, http://www.greenvillenews.com

Muddling through Monday morning

Monday. There is nothing good to be said about Monday.

I am tired this morning. I went to bed around midnight and didn't fall asleep til almost 1 am. When I woke up this morning, I really REALLY didn't want to get up, but get up I must. Thus is the case every weekday morning.

I didn't do a whole lot this weekend. I did go out and buy me a graphire tablet on Friday, which I played around with over the weekend. It is so cool. It takes a little getting used to drawing on the tablet and having what you are drawing show up on the computer monitor instead of on paper, but I am getting the hang of it...slowly.

I also went to Circuit City on Saturday and got a Sirius satellite radio receiver for my car. I hate the radio stations in this town, and hate it even more when I am driving from place to place where I am in the car for hours and keep having to switch radio stations cuz they keep fading out. I am the kind of person who MUST have music in the car when I drive. And not just any music.....good music. So satellite radio was the way to go for me. I had been wanting it for ages, and I finally caved in and got it. And I love it.

I didn't do much other than that over the weekend. I had a really bad headache on Friday and a whole lot of pain yesterday, so I kind of just took it easy. The weekend always goes by way too fast, even when you have a 3-day weekend.

I did find it extremely funny that Paris Hilton got snagged for a DUI. She made this stupid statement to the media that she hadn't eaten all day long, yet she mentioned having gone out to dinner around 10 pm with her sister and friends. Guess she forgot about that. It is about time she got in trouble. It's not like it's the first time she should have gotten into trouble. Besides, even celebrities (fake or not) should have to take responsibility for their actions.

I could go on, but I won't. I am still in that "waking-up" zone, and my brain is not wanting to function right now. It says "sleep" but my body says "stay awake." I wonder whch side will win this one.

Phobia of The Day

Placophobia: fear of tombstones

Random Fact of The Day

The weight of a carat (200 milligrams), standard unit of measurement for gemstones, is based on the weight of the carob seed.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"With 'fly' casting, you wade into the river and attempt to place a 'fly' - a furry little hook thingy weighing slightly less than a hydrogen atom - on top of the water right where the trout are blooping. You do this by waving your fishing rod back and forth using the following rhythm, as explained to us (I am not making this up) by our guide Susanne: 'CO-ca CO-la, CO-ca CO-la.' On your third CO-la, you point your arm forward, and the 'fly,' in a perfect imitation of nature, lands on your head. Or sometimes it forms itself into a snarl that cannot be untangled without the aid of a chain saw AND a flamethrower. At least that's what kept happening to me and my friend Ron Ungerman (Yes! 'Ungerman!') We stood there for hours, waving our rods and going 'CO-ca CO-la,' but most of the time we were not getting our flies anywhere near the blooping. The trout were laughing so hard at us that they considered evolving legs so they could crawl onto land and catch their breath."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(If you're stupid and you know it, clap your hands.)

Auto-eroticism undoes driver

BRATISLAVA (Reuters) - A Slovak driver who crashed into a bus shocked rescuers who found him unconscious and half naked with a vacuum pump on his penis.

Police said the 42-year-old man, driving an old Citroen in the Slovak town of Levice, had ignored a "give way" sign.

"It's very likely he had auto-sex while driving, it is a matter of investigation. After the accident he was found lying in the seat, his pants were off and it (the pump) was placed on his penis," police officer Peter Polak told Reuters.

"I've never seen anything like this, nor have my colleagues," he added.

The man was taken to hospital with head injuries.