Now that Britney Spears is bald...

Here are some new hairdo's I think would look "interesting" on her...



Carrot Top Spears


That crazy-dessed woman from the Grammy's


Britney meets Don King


Britney Trump


Britney Washington (in honor, or dishonor, of President's Day)


The new Britney Spears troll doll


Mrs Brit Miser (She's too much)


The Britney Hawk


Britbacca


Well, they all look better than this!



Britney, you are nuts!

(Photoshop is so much fun - hehe)

Happy Valentine's Day

Like my cute lil Valentine pup I made on Photoshop? hehe

Email woes

I hate Yahoo. I want to destroy it. My email account is f 'ed up right now, so if anyone has emailed me lately and I haven't responded, it is not because I am ignoring you (I know Arlene is thinking that I am, but I'm not, you goober), it is because I cannot get my emails. I know they are there, but I can't SEE them in my inbox. I have written to Yahoo's customer support, but have yet to get a response. So if you want to email me, for now, use my other email account.

I HATE YAHOO!


- and oh yeah... I updated my blog so that it is not Christmassy anymore. Are you happy Arlene????

Because I have a sentimental side, too

Love is......

1) A big bag of Cappuccino Jelly Belly jelly beans
2) Fresh cut Gerbera daisies
3) A phone call....just because
4) A homemade greeting card
5) Teddy bears!
6) An all day South Park marathon
7) A warm sunset
8) Cumfy PJ's
9) Dewar's Caramel Chews - mmmmmmmm
10) A smile

I got your phallus right here

Just when I thought I had heard the lamest new story ever (see previous blog post on the Boston "bomb scare"), I hear something even lamer.

Well, now some "sharp-eyed" critics are saying that Prince's half-time show was, how shall I put this.....phallically tainted.

(is phallically even a word? If not, it should be)

Well this whole thing came about because of this image:



It seems some dumbasses say that the way Prince held his guitar makes it look like he is holding a giant penis. Ummmm....since when do penises have sharp pointy ends and have skinny "j" shaped balls???? Someone needs to go back to sex-education. Or just go on the internet and do a search for "penis." I am almost positive you will find something that way.

Now, I am not a Prince fan. I didn't even watch the Super Bowl (gasp!). But this is just so idiotic that I had to blog about it.

People are just super-sensitive or are so bored that they have to invent things to complain about. Next thing you know, someone will say that they can't pledge their allegiance to the flag because the flagpole looks like a giant penis. Or they can't eat oranges cuz they look like the boobs (or maybe like the boobs of an Oompa Loompa). Or the reason they can't go grocery shopping is because everything in the fruits and veggies section looks like boobs, penises, balls or vaginas. Good lord people! Are you such sexual deviants that EVERYTHING you look at reminds you of sex???

Well, I admit that I think like that, but that is beside the point.

Besides, you don't hear me complaining about Prince's guitar now, do you?

I am gonna write someone and complain about Rosie O'Donnell. She reminds me of an asshole.

And add Kevin Federline to that letter. He is a dick. Get rid of those people. Just stop them! They are causing irreparable harm to my psyche. (that sounded pretty sophisticated, huh)

When you get down to it, perception is all in the eye of the beholder. If you see a mountain out in the distance, you might see it as a mountain, while someone else will see it as a hill. And then the perverts will see boobs or an ass. Some crazy person may tell you it is a giant orangutan holding a banana.

We shouldn't be worried about Prince and his guitar. We should be worried about all these perverts out there who looked at a guitar and saw a penis.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

I am glad I stayed awake this time...

I just watched The Sarah Silverman Program on Comedy Central. (I missed it last week cuz lazy ass me fell asleep!)....damned funny show. Laughed my sleepy ass off. Finally, another tv show worth watching. Just thought I would pass that on before I crash.

Me so sleepy.

It's a mad, Mooninite world

Ok. This has got to be the official lamest news story in the whole entire universe of stupid news stories. And being that some of those news stories have involved Britney Spears, that is saying a lot!

(And yes Jeff, I know you already blogged about this, but it is my turn now.)

Turner Broadcasting agrees to pay $2 million
By Mac Daniel, Globe Staff

Attorney General Martha Coakley announced this morning that Turner Broadcasting System will pay $2 million in restitution and other compensation for last week's bomb scares that paralyzed parts of the Boston region.

(there was more to this story, but I don't want to post it. It is just too stupid.")

Anyway, it seems some people posted some signs that look like this



around Boston, as an ad campaign for Cartoon Network's coolest show, Aqua Teen Hunger Force (hey, it is the coolest show - Frylock rocks!)

Well, some stupid assholes around town reported the signs as "suspicious devices" to the police, who sent out bomb squads to check them out. What started out as an ad campaign, ended up as mass paranoia, as the police shut down subways, closed freeways, etc.

Now, these signs were posted around in 10 other cities some 2-3 weeks before this incident in Boston, but did you hear anything on the news about it? No. Because they did not perceive them as a threat, or were "obviously not suspicious."

Granted in a post 9-11 America, people are overly cautious, but hell, it looked like a lite-brite! And it was a Mooninite not Osama Bin Laden.

It is just so idiotic that people actually thought that a lite-brite-like sign was a bomb. And even more idiotic was the police response to the "threat." At least take a look at one of them before you declare it a bomb threat and create mass hysteria.

If people can look at a sign like that and think it is a threat (I assume they thought the fact that the Mooninite was giving us the finger...something he always does at the beginning of the tv show ... is a threat), I wonder what will be next.

"Oh look at this milk carton I found on the sidewalk. I better report it. There is a picture of missing kids on the carton. Must mean that there is going to be a mass kidnapping" Better get the police!!!!!!!!"

People, just stop it!

on a completely unrelated note, here is a funny quote I saw on Doug Benson's blog (don't worry - he is a comedian, not a terrorist)

"HANNIBAL RISING

That's what Anthony Hopkins yells whenever he takes a Viagra."

That Doug Benson is one funny dude.

Oh, and on another completely unrelated note, I watched The Squid and The Whale this weekend. That was one awesomely-great movie. I highly recommend watching it. It was probably the best movie I had seen in a long, long, long time.

Yosemite - January 2007

I finally updated my travel blog with pics of my last trip to Yosemite. You can read all about it and see the pics by clicking HERE .

Phobia of The Day

Helminthophobia: fear of being infested with worms

Random Fact of The Day

The Giant South African Earthworm can grow up to 22 feet long and 1 inch thick.

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

You Know You're In A Small Town When:

- The restaurant closes at lunch so the waitress can go home and eat.

- The mayor's nickname is 'Greasy Dick' and besides appearing on the ballot, it also appears on his driver's license.

- The fashion boutique/post office is located in one corner of the hardware store between the used milking machines and the pay toilet.

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Oh the things people will do to look fabulous.)

Getting fabulous hair takes a bit of bull ... semen

LONDON (Reuters) - An upmarket London beauty salon says it can give your hair the ultimate shine by treating it with a mixture that includes semen from thoroughbred bulls.

Hari's in ritzy Chelsea offers a 45-minute "Aberdeen Organic Hair" treatment that involves massaging a protein-rich mixture of bull semen and a plant root into the client's hair, a spokeswoman told Reuters on Friday.

Owner Hari Salem told media that he tried hundreds of products -- including wild avocados and truffle oil -- before hitting on bull semen as the elusive element in a formula for making hair look gorgeous.

"The semen is refrigerated before use and doesn't smell," Salem told the Metro newspaper. "It leaves your hair looking wonderfully soft and thick."

He said the treatment will remain on offer providing the bulls can keep up the supply.

Caption This!

There it goes. There goes the last of my dignity.

Post your own funny caption in a comment if you wanna.

Woof woof

You Were a Dog

You are an excellent companion and a loyal friend. A good protector, you smell trouble before it arrives.

What Animal Were You In a Past Life?

More things that annoy me

1) McDonald's - I went to McDonald's tonight after work to get me some dinner, cuz, well, I avoid having to cook as much as possible, and they gave me no ketchup. In fact, the last 3 times I have gone to Mickey D's, they have given me no ketchup. What is there? Some worldwide ketchup packet shortage? They never give you ketchup (at least in this town), and when you ask for it, they look at you like you just asked them for their kidney.

2) Horror movie trailers that make the movie look scarier than it actually is

3) The undead - they move too slowly, they look just awful and, well, they are undead. Some of them work in my building.

4) People who try to multi-task while they drive - Wherever you are going, you can do your makeup when you get there. No one is going to say "Damn. She went out without any eyeliner," when you are being hauled into the hospital on a stretcher because your muti-tasking ass was too busy looking at your eyes rather than watching where the hell you were driving.

5) Technology - It moves too fast. They just unleashed Windows Vista today. By tomorrow, it will be obsolete.

6) Rosie O'Donnell - I don't think I need to explain this one. I mean, she's Rosie. She's annoying! She never shuts up.

7) Polka music - it makes me want to dance. And no one needs to see that.

8) American Idol contestants whose excuses for why they sucked so bad is because they were "nervous." All nervousness aside, you still suck!

9) People who tell you they are going to do something, then flake out on you.

10) Mor Furniture commercials. Damn Forbes Riley! Damn her! (you have to live around here to get this one)

Phobia of The Day

Iatrophobia: fear of doctors or of going to the doctor

Random Fact of The Day

Dueling is legal in Paraguay, as long as both parties are registered blood donors.

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. "

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Two wrongs don't make a right.)

Delayed convict steals car to get back to jail

DUBLIN, Jan 25 (Reuters Life!) - An Irish convict who stole a car to get back to prison after missing a weekend release deadline has been given a six month suspended jail sentence.

Trevor Doyle, 25, grabbed the vehicle after falling asleep on a bus and overshooting his stop near Shelton Abbey open prison in Arklow on Ireland's southeast coast, Wexford district court officials said Thursday.

The court, which would not reveal the man's prior conviction, also fined him 300 euros ($390) for failing to submit to a breathalyzer test.

Bork bork bork!

You Are the Swedish Chef

"Bork! Bork! Bork!" Your happy and energetic - with borderline manic tendencies. No one really gets you. And frankly, you don't even get you. But, you sure can whip up a great chocolate mousse

The Muppet Personality Test

Questions to ponder

Why do they call it "common sense?" There's no such thing as common sense. If it was so common, more people would have it.

And why do they call it "nonsense" when EVERYONE has that.

Common sense should tell you that nonsense makes more sense.

Did that make any sense?

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?"

Phobia of The Day

Urophobia: fear of urine or of urinating

Random Fact of The Day

The word 'gymnasium' comes from the Greek word gymnazein which means 'to exercise naked.'

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Leave science to the hyenas.)

Scientists can't get sloth to move

JENA, Germany - Scientists in the eastern German city of Jena said Wednesday they have finally given up after three years of failed attempts to entice a sloth into budging as part of an experiment in animal movement.

The sloth, named Mats, was remanded to a zoo after consistently refusing to climb up and then back down a pole, as part of an experiment conducted by scientists at the University of Jena's Institute of Systematic Zoology and Evolutionary Biology.

Neither pounds of cucumbers nor plates of homemade spaghetti were appetizing enough to make Mats move.

"Mats obviously wanted absolutely nothing to do with furthering science," said Axel Burchardt, a university spokesman.

Mats' new home is the zoo in the northwestern city of Duisburg where, according to all reports, he is very comfortable.

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"Most vitamin pills don't have names or trademarks on them; they're just plain-looking unmarked pills. And if you're traveling with a lot of vitamins, and in order to save space you've put them all in one big jar, you have no way of proving what they are. If, for instance, the police should search your suitcase, all they're going to know is that you have a big jar of unmarked pills. And should they be in the mood to break your balls, they can hold you for twenty-four hours while they 'send these little things down to the lab and see what we've got here.' And you wind up in jail overnight for no reason at all.

That's why I always travel with Flintstone vitamins. Not only do Flintstone vitamins contain all the vital nutrients kids need each day, they also keep grownups out of jail."

Phobia of The Day

Oikophobia: Fear of home surroundings, house

Random Fact of The Day

The highest point in Pennsylvania is lower than the lowest point in Colorado!

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Polly wanna cracker?)

Man arrested for smuggling 500 parrots in a car

ALMATY (Reuters) - Kazakh border guards arrested a man trying to smuggle 500 parrots in his car from neighbouring Uzbekistan, media reported on Tuesday.

"Border guards discovered a live cargo of 500 parrots in his car," Kazakhstan Today news agency quoted a KNB security service official as saying.

It was unclear how the parrots fitted into the Kazakh man's Audi. Trade in wild parrots is banned around the world, according to the U.N. Convention on International Trade in Endangered Species of Wild Fauna and Flora.

Caption This!

Damn! Why didn't someone tell me that my butt was this big?

post your own funny caption in a comment if you wanna.

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"Every sixty seconds, thirty acres of rain forest are destroyed in order to raise beef for fast-food restaurants that sell it to people, giving them strokes and heart attacks, which raise medical costs and insurance rates, providing insurance companies with more money to invest in large corporations that branch out further into the Third World so they can destroy more rain forests."

Phobia of The Day

Merinthophobia: fear of being bound or tied up

Random Fact of The Day

People in nudist colonies play volleyball more than any other sport.

Stupid News Story of The Day

(We love you long time.)

Amsterdam to get statue to honor prostitutes

AMSTERDAM (Reuters) - Amsterdam's red-light district will soon get a new attraction: a statue to honor prostitutes around the world.

The statue, designed by artist Els Rijerse, will likely be unveiled at the end of March, Dutch news agency ANP reported.

"In many countries, prostitutes struggle and people have no respect for them whatsoever. The statue is meant to give all those men and women strength," Mariska Majoor, a former prostitute who commissioned the statue, told ANP.

ANP said the statue, made of bronze, shows a woman who confidently looks out into the world.

Gripes, pet peeves and just plain bitchiness

~ Always make sure you have a good pair of socks on when you go out in the morning. If you don't, it will ruin your day. I spent a good part of my day today just pulling up my socks. Remind me to not wear those socks to work ever again.

~ There's a commercial on tv that says the odds of you being in a movie star car accident are one in eight million, but the odds of you being in an accident are one in eight. Well, I think the odds of you being in an accident involving someone that works in my building are at least one in three. People that work at the OC are some of the shittiest drivers around. I swear, every day when I drive to work there is some asshole driver who cuts right in front of me 20 feet before the entrance to the parking lot. Yeah, asshole. I know where you work. And yes, I DID flip you off. Don't look so shocked. You know what you did

~ I have no problem flipping people off .... even people that I know. If you are my friend and you cut me off or tailgate me so close that I can smell your perfume or cologne, expect to see the bird come out of the cage. I don't care if you are my friend. If you drive all asshole-ish like the rest of those f*ckers out there, then you are just as bad as they are, and therefore, deserve to be flipped off and cussed at. And if you really were my friend, you wouldn't cut me off in the first place - hehe

~ I said it once, and I am gonna say it again. When you are waiting for the elevator and it stops and the doors open up, don't just ram your way into the elevator before making sure there aren't people that might want to get out. You know the doors don't shut the moment you are inside the thing. Relax, people. And for pete's sake, let me out of this damned elevator!!!

~ Don't talk to me when I am typing case comments or when I am trying to add numbers in my head. Because if you start talking about how cute monkeys are and how you wish you had one for a pet, I will end up putting that shit in my case comments without even knowing it, and when I turn the case in and the supervisor reads my case comments, she will think I have (pardon the pun) gone bananas. Of course, I will blame you.

~ Please, please, for the love of all that is holy and good, DO NOT talk about how you spent all last weekend puking and how the puke was this nasty shade of green and had chunks of potatoes and carrots in it, when I am eating lunch, or dinner, or breakfast, or right before or right after I have eaten. In fact, don't talk to me about it at all. I also don't want to know about how you spent all night on the toilet with the runs, or about your last bladder infection, or about how mush pus came out when you popped your zit. EWWW. There are certain things people should keep to themselves.

~ When you are a passenger in my car, keep your hands off of my radio. My car...my music. I don't care if you are a devout Catholic who only listens to Christian music. You are gonna be listening to some Black Sabbath. Rock on!

~ Don't tell me I am gonna go to hell for listening to rock music or for posting something like this on my blog...




It is not your job to "save" me. Besides, I already know I am going to hell. The nuns at my old school told me that when I was in 3rd grade.

~ You are not allowed to watch The View or Oprah or any Steven Seagal movies at my house. You can go to your own house and watch that crap all you want. My tv will explode if it is forced to play that shit.

~ Monty Python rules!! If you disagree, well then, you suck.

-------- to be continued - hehe

Dialing for foam

I heard if you call 1-800-322-7943 and request info on the Tempur-Pedic mattress, they will send you a sample of their Tempur-Pedic mattress foam. I figure if enough people call for me and send me their samples, then I will have enough foam to make my own mattress....or at least a pillow. So get to dialing, people!!!

I See Dumb People

If only someone would pack up Oprah, Rosie O'Donnell, Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and Steven Seagal and shoot them into space so this world would be rid of these dumbasses. Come on. Someone must have a spare rocket launcher lying around.

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

Things I'm Tired Of

"I've grown weary of reading about clouds in a book. Doesn't this piss you off? You're reading a nice story, and suddenly the writer has to stop and describe the clouds. Who cares? I'll bet you anything I can write a decent novel, with a good, entertaining story, and never once mention the clouds."

Phobia of The Day

Peladophobia: fear of bald people

Random Fact of The Day

A snail can sleep for three years.

Stupid News Story of The Day

(They're homeless. How the heck are they gonna come up with that kind of money?)

Owner of ritzy NY shop sues homeless By Matthew Verrinder

NEW YORK (Reuters) - It's a case of Madison Avenue versus Penniless Lane. A Manhattan antique shop owner's lawsuit against transients who camp in front of his store is generating debate about what to do with New York's homeless, many of whom spend winter nights on the street.

Karl Kemp, owner of the posh Karl Kemp & Associates Antiques, Ltd. on Madison Avenue, sued three men and a woman for $1 million (506,807 pounds) earlier this month, alleging they scare away customers when they drink alcohol, urinate and warm themselves above a heating duct in front of his shop.

Kemp's suit, filed in state Supreme Court, also seeks an order to keep them 100 feet (30 metres) away.

Some New York homeless advocates are upset, saying Kemp was too quick to sue poor vagrants instead of trying to help them through social services.

Nearly 35,000 people spent Wednesday night in New York City homeless shelters. About 3,800 shunned shelters and slept outside in 2006, according to city data.

"(Kemp) could have called any number of homeless service organisations that reach out to people on the street," said Shelly Nortz, deputy executive director for policy for the Coalition for the Homeless. "Suing them for $1 million is just wrong."

Michael Zen, a lawyer for Kemp, said that since 2004 the shop owner contacted police, who came and shooed the transients away, and the manager of the building, requesting the hot air flowing out of the heating duct be rerouted.

"Filing the suit wasn't our first instinct," Zen said. "Mr. Kemp's business has been interfered with. We want these people to move on. Unfortunately, it has come to this."

The New York Post backed Kemp, writing in an editorial on Friday, "We're no fans of frivolous lawsuits. But kudos to Kemp."

Dace Kins, who was visiting the posh Upper East Side shopping area from Chicago on Thursday, called the issue "a sad situation on both sides."

"It would be wonderful if the city could do something for them so they wouldn't have to be out in this freezing weather," Kins said.

People who worked in nearby stores were less sympathetic, saying that one of the men can usually be found on the grate cursing at passersby.

"He says a lot of things to people," said doorman Shakeem Hodge. "To me he says, 'Burn in hell.'"

(Additional reporting by Bob Mezan)

I knew I was getting older, but holy sh*t!

According to CareerBuilder.com, this is what my job is doing to me...





Scary!!!!!!!! Click HERE to see what your job is doing to YOU!!!

Be afraid. Be very afraid.


(of course, waiting for that page to load will aslo make you look older too)

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

People Who Should Be Phased Out

- A celebrity couple who adopt a Third-World baby and call it Rain Forest.

- Old people who tell me what the weather used to be where they lived.

- Actors who drive race cars.

- Athletes and coaches who give more than 100 percent.

Phobia of The Day

Xerophobia: fear of dryness

Random Fact of The Day

Fine-grained volcanic ash can be found as an ingredient in some toothpastes.

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Taxes? I won't pay your stinkin' taxes!)

Armed U.S. tax evader barricades self in home

BOSTON (Reuters) - An armed man who has refused to pay U.S. federal taxes for a decade has barricaded himself inside his hilltop home in New Hampshire with 20 supporters for a week after resisting an order to show up in court.

Edward Brown, 64, and his wife Elaine Brown, 65, of Plainfield, New Hampshire, were found guilty by a federal jury on Thursday of owing the U.S. government more than $700,000 in unpaid taxes dating back to 1996.

Contacted by Reuters by telephone, Brown said he has paid all his taxes to his town but does not want to pay the federal government.

"The industry and the military are working together to control everything. People don't even know it. Little frogs sitting in boiling water," he said. "The United States of America now is a fascist country."

Assistant U.S. Attorney Bill Morse said Brown and his wife were both looking at "a substantial jail sentence."

The tax bills piled up mostly because Brown's wife, who owns a dental business, failed to pay income tax and payroll taxes for her staff, Morse said.

U.S. Marshal Stephen Monier said authorities were speaking with Brown by telephone but have so far stayed away from the house.

Elaine Brown, who was in court when the guilty verdict was announced, was released to the custody of her son in Massachusetts on condition that she would have no face-to-face contact with her husband.

Outlander!

Well, I stayed home from work today. Had a fever and still felt really lousy. I slept most of the day - lazy me! lol.. I do feel much, much better now and will definitely go to work tomorrow.

I watched Kairo (Pulse) today. It was one freaky movie. But I didn't really understand it all. Could be cuz of the subtitles and all. I will have to watch it again sometime. The Japanese can make some freaky-ass movies.

American Idol was on again tonight. Holy crap. Seattle had some of the worst singers I had ever heard. That dude that sang "Unchained Melody"...what was with his eyes?!?! He had this expression on his face that looked like someone came up behind him and rammed a broomstick up his ass. And he never even moved. He looked like he was glued in place. But the worst one was "Red" - the one that looked like Malacchi from Children of The Corn. I kept waiting for Simon to yell, "OUTLANDER!" Cuz that is the first thought that came to my head when I saw him. His voice.....well, it was beyond horrible. I can't even describe it. Just plain wrong.

I am sick of this cold, cold weather. The highs have been in the low 50's and the lows in the mid to high 20's. The Grapevine is shut down cuz of ice and snow (that probably makes my brother happy - since he has to drive over it to get to work, which means he probably gets to stay home from work). They said there was even some snow in Malibu. That is crazy! I will be happy when it gets back to the 60's again. It is too brrrr outside for me.

I am green, but not from envy

Oh good lord. I hate being sick. I was so sick today that I had to go home from work at noon. And that was pushing it. I wanted to take care of my appointments before I left, and that I did. But holy hell. I had to leave one of my interviews, not once, but twice, to go to the bathroom. And I tell you, it is simply not fun to be violently ill at work. I would rather be at home puking in my own toilet, thank you very much - lol. I feel somewhat better now. Still sick, but not puking anymore, thank gosh. I think I might be able to make it to work tomorrow. We'll see how tomorrow morning goes.

Speaking of being violently ill, American Idol began tonight, and there were more than a few contestants who nearly made me puke again. I don't know what it is with these people thinking they can sing. Hell, I think I could even sing better than some of them (and I am a self-proclaimed horrible singer!). There were a few who did a good job, but no one really stood out. It should be an interesting season, to say the least.

Oh, and HELLO! My favorite tv doc won a Golden Glob the other night. Yes, Hugh Laurie (in my opinion, the sexiest celebrity on the face of the earth) won a Golden Globe for Best Actor in a drama series. You go Dr House. You go!!!

I am off to bed. I can't sit up here anymore tonight. Let's hope this bug goes away soon. I am tired of being sick!

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans."

Phobia of The Day

Onomatophobia: Fear of hearing a certain word or of names

Random Fact of The Day

Stannous fluoride, which is the cavity fighter found in toothpaste is made from recycled tin.

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Make the police's job easier - be stupid!)


Burglary suspect picks bad hiding place

SYRACUSE, N.Y. - Brian Valentino sure picked the wrong hiding place to elude police. The 33-year-old burglary suspect was being transported yesterday to the Onondaga County jail in Syracuse when he kicked out a back window of the police car and dove headfirst through the opening.

Still handcuffed, Valentino ran a short distance and ducked into a building, where he ran down a hallway and hid behind a door.

There was one problem. His hiding spot was inside the headquarters of the county sheriff's office. Apparently, Valentino didn't notice the big yellow star on the entrance.

A retired deputy working part time in the building noticed the snow-covered, handcuffed man dash into the lobby. He followed him down the hall and held onto Valentino until the officer he escaped from arrived on the scene.

Valentino now faces additional charges for the escape attempt.

I am sooooooo pissed!!!!!!

I feel like computers are just against me these days. First, there was the mess with the computers at work on Monday. Then, today, then the program we use to complete our cases crashes on my computer today - not everyone's, just mine and a few other unlucky people's computers. After restarting twice, the thing finally came back up. But that was just the beginning. About 2:30 pm today, EVERYONE's SAWS system went offline. And it was offline til 5:30 when we went home today. I am not even sure if it will be back up and running tomorrow morning when I go to work. UGH! I just know my clients will be calling me wondering when their cases will be done - good lord. Sometimes computers are more trouble than they are worth.

Oh, but my computer problems didn't end at work. Nooooooo. They followed me home, too. My computer is being a butthead. I can't get my E drive to work. GRRRRRRRRRR. That is where I have all my photos and scrapbooking stuff stored. I will be beyond pissed if I can't get it back up and running. I am so ready to just take the damned thing and throw it out the window. But I won't. I am sure that won't get it up and running. I am soooooooooooo ...... infuriated! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

I have been messing with this damned computer for hours now...restarting and shutting down and this and that, trying, in vain, to make it work.

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Kiss my ass, E drive.....kiss my ass!

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"What about these cretins at the airport gift shop who think somehow they're in the Mall of America? It's an airport! I'm standin' there with one newspaper and a pack of gum; I gotta get to my plane. Why does the genetic defective ahead of me choose this moment to purchase a complete set of dishes and a new fall wardrobe? What is this, fuckin' Macy's?"

Phobia of The Day

Nucleomituphobia: fear of nuclear weapons

Random Fact of The Day

Until 1834, it was illegal for any soldier of the U.S. Army to carry the American flag into battle.

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Oops! My bad.)

Police: Teen seeking kiss rams wrong car

BAY CITY, Mich. - A lovers' quarrel and a case of mistaken identity has landed a teenager behind bars after police say he repeatedly rammed a teenage girl's car, thinking it was his girlfriend.

State police told The Saginaw News that the victim — a 17-year-old from Pinconning — called 911 early Sunday when the suspect smashed his car into the rear of hers.

The 17-year-old suspect struck her car about 15 times and pushed it through stop signs at intersections, the victim told police.

Dispatchers advised her to lead the suspect toward police units who were en route to intercept them, police said.

State police troopers and Bay County sheriff's deputies caught up with the suspect and pursued the Bay City teen at speeds of up to 90 miles per hour, police said.

The teen told police he thought the driver was his girlfriend, who left a party after the couple quarreled. He said he wanted to talk to her and get his goodnight kiss, so he went searching for her, police said.

He told police he was talking to his girlfriend on his cell phone, telling her to stop her car. She told him she was stopped and didn't know what he was talking about, officers said.

The teen likely will face charges including assault with a vehicle, fleeing police and drunk driving.

___

Information from: The Saginaw News, http://www.mlive.com

Sesame Street!

You Are Bert

Extremely serious and a little eccentric, people find you loveable - even if you don't love them! You are usually feeling: Logical - you rarely let your emotions rule you You are famous for: Being smart, a total neat freak, and maybe just a little evil How you life your life: With passion, even if your odd passions (like bottle caps and pigeons) are baffling to others

The Sesame Street Personality Quiz

Sometimes I wish I was invisible...oh yeah....I already am!

I hate it when a client comes in with an emergency just a few hours before we close. UGH! That has happened to me the last 3 working days...Wednesday, Thursday and today. Today was the worst though. I had a doctor appointment scheduled for 3 pm, which meant that I had to leave by 2:45 at the latest to get there by 3:00. Well, one of my clients comes in at 2:05 and tells me that she has an emergency and needs to get her case granted today so she can get her prescription. Well, this entails of course entering the pending information, running the case, making case comments, turning it in to the supervisor to approve.THEN you have to do an online transaction request and email it to another department and then wait for it to get inputted into that system so you can print her out a temporary medical card. Well, this was all entirely possible for me to accomplish by 2:45 - I am fast! - lol (except for the waiting part - that I left up to the supervisor to do - hehe). But - BUT - NOOOOOOOOO. It was after I had run the case that our computer system decides to up and quit on me - well, on everyone in the building, but it felt like it was targetting me personally! lol - So that left the case is sitting in limbo....but the time kept on ticking. Finally, the damned computer system comes back up and I was able to get the thing done. With no time to spare. I barely made it to my appointment on time. No pressure there.....NONE - HA! I swear my blood pressure must have been sky high by that point. I was so pissed at the computer today. I was really ready to kick it! But I didn't. Somehow I think the IT department would have frowned on that.

Well after that ordeal, I had another one to contend with. I really REALLY am absolutely convinced beyond the shadow of a doubt that I am either invisible or completely forgettable. Because when I got to the doctor's office, the receptionist told me I was not on the schedule. GRRRR. She then proceeded to tell me that if I indeed did have an appointment, they would have called to remind me, something they "always" do. (that statement is complete horse doo-doo because there have been several occasions where they hadn't called me....but I digress). Seems funny cuz if I hadn't showed up to my appointment, they would have surely billed me for a missed appointment. She then tells me that they hadn't gotten my referral (HMO's suck ass - GRRRR - but I digress again). So she tells me to have a seat and wait. Then she tells me that my referral , SURPRISE, is actually there and that she can "fit me in." I had a freakin' card with the appointment time and date on it, yet I wasn't on the schedule - INVISIBLE I tell you!!!! Invisible!!!!

So, after about an hour, I was finally seen. Being that my knee hasn't improved any, the doctor gave me a cortisone shot in my knee. It was surprisingly painless .... at first. The initial shot didn't hurt at all. But now.....oh lord. My knee is throbbing. Ouch. I am sitting here with a heating pad on it, debating if I should take an ultracet or not. Shots suck ass! But I hope it makes the damned thing feel better. It has been killing me for months now.

After the appointment, I went out to the reception desk to make my next appointment. The lady told me that she had overheard what happened to me this time and wanted to assure me that I was, in fact, in the computer.

I will believe it when I see it - lol.

I am so cynical.

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy."

Phobia of The Day

Hoplophobia: fear of firearms

Example: Jeff can't watch the news because of his hoplophobia.

Random Fact of The Day

The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

Stupid News Story of The Day

(What is it with Tigger these days?)

Father: Costumed 'Tigger' hit my son

ORLANDO, Fla. - A Walt Disney World employee dressed as the character "Tigger" was accused of hitting a child while posing for a photo, a spokeswoman for the theme park said Saturday.

Park officials temporarily suspended Michael J. Fedelem while they investigate the accusations, Disney spokeswoman Zoraya Suarez said.

"Naturally, physical altercations between cast members and guests are not tolerated," Suarez said.

Jerry Monaco of New Hampshire videotaped his son, Jerry Jr., posing with the costumed character at Disney-MGM Studios on Friday and recorded the confrontation, according to a statement from the Orange County Sheriff's Office.

The father said Fedelem intentionally hit his son "on or about the head," said sheriff's spokesman Carlos M. Padilla. "The tape only shows a fraction of what happened. Now it's up to us to find out what led up to that."

A message left by The Associated Press for Monaco was not immediately returned. A telephone listing for Fedelem could not be located.

In 2004 a Walt Disney World employee dressed as Tigger was accused of touching the breast of a 13-year-old girl while she posed with him for a photo. A jury found the man not guilty.

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"Haven't we gone far enough with colored ribbons for different causes? Every cause has its own color. Red for AIDS, blue for child abuse, pink for breast cancer, green for the rain forest. I've got a brown one. You know what it means? 'Eat shit, motherf*cker!"

Phobia of The Day

Peccatophobia: fear of sinning.

Example: Because of his peccatophobia, Larry spends 5 hours a day praying.

Random Fact of The Day

About 1 in 30 people in the U.S. are in jail, on probation, or on parole.

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Keep on keeping on.)

Caltech's suffering ends with victory By KEN PETERS, AP Sports Writer

PASADENA, Calif. - Nobody understands the laws of probability better than the cerebral players at Caltech. The Beavers finally won — their first NCAA basketball victory since 1996.

However, here's another hard number: They still have a string of conference defeats dating back almost 22 years.

Coach Roy Dow and his squad of brainy — as opposed to brawny — Beavers beat Bard College of New York 81-52 on Saturday night, ending a mathematically improbable run of 207 consecutive NCAA Division III losses.

"It was a combination of a sense of relief and happiness for the kids. They were euphoric," said Dow, in his fifth season as the coach.

Travis Haussler had 27 points and eight rebounds, and Matt Dellatorre added 24 points and eight rebounds in the romp over Bard.

"We expected to win a game, but not like this," Dow said, a bit astounded at the surprisingly easy victory.

The win also was Caltech's first in 60 games overall, including non-NCAA foes.

With a 1-207 record in their last 208 NCAA contests, the Beavers next hope to end an even longer losing streak, 245 consecutive defeats in Southern California Intercollegiate Athletic Conference play going back almost 22 years. They haven't begun league play yet this season.

"We still have to get that other streak," Dow said. "It will be difficult. We lost a lot of players from last year's team."

The California Institute of Technology, which has a student body of some 850, is renowned for its programs in science and math, and for being lovable losers in its athletic programs.

Albert Einstein lectured at Caltech, Linus Pauling was a professor and 31 Nobel Prize winners either have taught or studied on the small campus in suburban Los Angeles. The school has extremely high admission standards and puts arduous academic demands on the students.

So while the school attracts some of the nation's best and brightest, it doesn't necessarily draw the athletically gifted. Like all Division III schools, Caltech doesn't give athletic scholarships, and many of Dow's players didn't so much as play varsity basketball in high school.

Among the handful of fans at the game Saturday night were the school's new president, Jean-Lou Chameau and his wife, Carol Carmichael, who had arrived from Singapore just a couple of hours before tipoff.

"They were the first ones who came across the floor and extended congratulations," Dow said with obvious pride.

you, sir, are a LOSER

Alicia IM'd me last night saying that she was the biggest loser in the world. Well, I beg to differ, my friend. I believe that I, Kimberly L Perkins, am, in fact, the biggest loser, not only in this world, but in any other world that may or may not exist in the universe. And just to prove this, here is a small list of things I have done to prove that.

1) I have burned Jell-O.

2) I stay home almost every Friday night. Saturdays too.

3) I have walked into a wall.

4) I have tripped over my own feet.

5) I have fallen down my stairs.

6) I stayed at home all day yesterday...in my pj's.

7) I actually LIKE going to work (well, most of the time)

8) I stayed in bed today til 11 am.

9) I have been "forgotten" on several occasions (for example - and Alicia will remember this one - I was waiting at the service desk at Marshalls for Alicia to pick me up to take the deposit to the bank, and she drove out the parking lot and onto Ming Ave ... without me! It took her several minutes to realize that I wasn't in the car with her - LOL!!) - My brother also left me in the parking lot in Las Vegas, thinking I was in the car - seems I am invisible!

10) I am actually arguing that I am the biggest loser in the world.

#10 alone should prove my point.

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"I can identify my periods of heavy cocaine use by the years in which I have no idea who was in the World Series or the Super Bowl. Bliss."

Phobia of The Day

Octophobia: fear of the number 8.

Example: If it wasn't for his octophobia, Jake would have passed his math class.

Random Fact of The Day

The practice of identifying baseball players by number was started by the Yankees in 1929.

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Yes, I'd like to place an order for 30 cartons of catnip.)

Bank issues credit card to cat

SYDNEY, Jan 4 (Reuters Life!) - An Australian bank has apologized for issuing a credit card to a cat after its owner decided to test the bank's identity security system.

The Bank of Queensland issued a credit card to Messiah the cat when his owner Katherine Campbell applied for a secondary card on her account under its name.

"I just couldn't believe it. People need to be aware of this and banks need to have better security," Campbell told local media on Thursday.

The bank said the cat's card had been canceled. "We apologize as this should not have happened," it said in a statement.

Wrong on so many levels

Now, my friend Alicia was shopping at Old Navy, and was on the phone with me, and she came across this shirt they had there for little kids that was just wrong on sooooooo many levels. Well I found it on their web site...here it is....



Now, keep in mind that this shirt comes in sizes from 6 months to 5T. I certainly would HOPE that a little baby would be single!!! Never, ever let your child wear this shirt. Especially around Michael Jackson!

Well, that wasn't the only icky shirt they had there. Here is another example of just plain wrongness...



Hot to trot? At 12 months old? EWWWWW! You might as well get them a shirt like this...





or this one...



(no, these are not for sale on Old Navy. They are created by me on Photoshop. But I wouldn't be surprised if they actually had them there!)

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"If you don't think men are stupid, check the newspaper. Ninety-nine percent of all the truly horrifying shit going on in this world was initiated, established, perpetuated, enabled, or continued by men. And that includes the wave and the high five, two of history's truly low points."

Phobia of The Day

Gallophobia: fear of the French or of French culture

Example: Eating french fries is difficult for Jack, because he has gallophobia.

Random Fact of The Day

Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a belly button.

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Thank you. Drive thru!)

Drowsy big rig driver plows through KFC

WASCO, Calif. - A drowsy big rig driver may have taken a KFC "drive thru" sign too literally. The truck barreled through the fast-food restaurant around 4:30 a.m. Wednesday, after the driver fell asleep at the wheel, authorities said. The restaurant was closed at the time, and no one was seriously injured.

The produce-carrying big rig was going east on Highway 46, when it veered off the road, jumped the curb, knocked over a metal pole, plowed through the KFC, missed a house by several feet, demolished a shed and crashed through a brick wall before coming to a stop in the backyard of another house.

"We feel very, very fortunate that no one was hurt," said Bill Frederick, who rushed home to console his wife and assess the damage to his backyard after the crash. "If it wasn't for the reinforcement and the rebar and the neighbor's chain link fence, it would have been in the house with us."

Gonzalo Varela, the manager of the KFC, said the business would try to transfer the restaurant's 11 employees to other area KFCs, while the Wasco location was rebuilt.

The cause of the crash remained under investigation, and no arrests were made.

___

Information from: The Bakersfield Californian, http://www.bakersfield.com

This is just sad...

When K-Fed and Britney Spears split up, everyone thought that it was K-Fed who was the jerk amd Britney was just the not-so-innocent "victim" of his evil clutches.. Well, well, well. Looks like the tables have turned. There has to be something wrong with the world when it's K-Fed that comes out looking like the better half.



While K-Fed seems to have cleaned up his act, Britney, well.....the picture speaks for itself. So many shades of wrong.

Looks like K-Fed might get to keep his kids after all.

pictures from perezhilton.com

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"I don't let people drive at my speed. If I see some guy in the next lane keepin' pace with me, I slow down. I let that asshole get a little bit ahead, so I can keep an eye on him. I like to know who I'm drivin' near. In fact, quite often at a red light, I'll ask for personal references. You can never be too careful."

Phobia of The Day

Decidophobia: fear of making decisions

Example: Because of his decidophobia, it takes George nearly an hour to order his dinner.

Random Fact of The Day

There are 92 known cases of nuclear bombs lost at sea.

Stupid News Story of The Day

(He loves me...he loves me not.)

Man proposes, then allegedly KOs fiancee

YORK, Pa. - A man who proposed to his girlfriend at a New Year's party allegedly knocked her out with a steering wheel lock just hours after she said yes, police said.

Stephen Mujerm, 40, of Lanham, Md., and new fiancee Victorine Taboh began arguing about 6 a.m. Monday as they drove home from the party in northern York County.

Taboh, of Laurel, Md., and another passenger were complaining that Mujerm was driving recklessly, police said. He then stopped the vehicle beside Interstate 83 in Springfield Township, where he and Taboh got out and began to argue.

As the confrontation escalated, Taboh began breaking the windows of Mujerm's car with a steering wheel lock, police said. Mujerm then punched Taboh and hit her in the head with the lock, knocking her unconscious, said police.

Emergency medical workers took Taboh to a hospital, where she was treated and released, police said.

State police charged Mujerm with aggravated assault, simple assault, reckless endangering and driving while under the influence of alcohol.

A phone number for him could not be located.

___

Information from: The York Dispatch, http://www.yorkdispatch.com

Fun With Photoshop

Yes, I have way too much time on my hands.

Phobia of The Day

Cypridophobia: fear of prostitutes

Example: If you have cypridophobia, then you might not want to drive down Union Ave.

Random Fact of The Day

All clams start out as males; some decide to become females at some point in their lives.

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"Here's all you need to know about mean and women: Women are crazy, and men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(When there's a will, there's a way.)

Oiled prisoner slips out of Norway jail

OSLO, Norway - A Lithuanian held on suspicion of theft in an Arctic Norway jail slipped out of custody — literally — by stripping naked, smearing himself with vegetable oil and sliding through the prison bars, police said Wednesday.

"He slipped through the bars on Christmas Eve," said Svein-Erik Jacobsen, operation leader for the Oest-Finnmark Police District. The unusual escape made national news in Norway on Wednesday.

Another Lithuanian, held as an accomplice in the same cell, also used the technique to try to slip out of a window of the Vadsoe Jail, but failed, apparently because he was too big. The men had managed to bend the bars slightly to gain more space.

"It was a good effort," Jacobsen said. "But all he did was get his head and part of his shoulder through the bars."

A police news release identified the escaped suspect as Yuris Sinkevicius, 25, and said he was 5 feet, 8 inches tall and thin. He remained at large. The statement did not name the second suspect.

Both were arrested in Sweden in late October on suspicion of being involved in an organized grand theft ring that had hit targets in northern Norway and Sweden. They were turned over to Norway, and were being held pending an investigation and possible indictment.

Holiday Lights

Here are some pictures I took at the holiday light exhibit at the California Living Museum (CALM) in Bakersfield in 2006.

At least I don't have to hitchhike

Well, my car is in the shop. When I took it to get an oil change and to get thr tires rotated on Friday, the mechanic told me that I would have to take my car in to get the brakes worked on. Seems there are heat cracks in the front rotor and back brake shoe (whatever the hell those things are), and blah blah blah. So I dropped my car off at my folks' house this morning so they could take it in for me. Well, despite having an appointment at 9 am this morning, when I called my mom at 3:30, she told me they hadn't even gotten around to looking at it yet. Grrrrrr. Like my mom said, what the hell good does it do to have an appointment? Anyway, when she picked me up from work this afternoon, she told me they had finally gotten around to looking at it, but it wouldn't be ready til tomorrow to pick it up. So, here's to hoping it will be ready tomorrow. I hate being without a car. But at least I have cool parents who will pick me up and take me to work in the morning when it is friggin' cold outside, and then drive back in the afternoon and pick me up and take me home. It is nice to have cool folks like that Even nicer that they are picking up the bill for the brake job. I don't know what I did to deserve such cool folks, but I sure am glad that I have them!!!!

Am I spoiled? Probably - lol. But I am grateful!

Phobia of The Day

Clinophobia: fear of going to bed.

Example: Frank stays awake all night because he has clinophobia.

Random fact of The Day

The odds of being killed by falling out of bed are one in two million.

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"The only difference between lilies and turds is whatever difference humans have agreed upon, and I don't always agree."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(How much beer can I get for a Great Dane?)

Thirsty man sells beagle to buy beer

BERLIN (Reuters) - A thirsty German sold his 6-year-old step-daughter's pet beagle to the owner of a bar to pay for beer, the Bild newspaper reported Friday.

The unemployed man offered to take the dog for a walk and then stopped at a bar where he convinced the owner to buy the 3-year-old dog for 40 euros ($53).

The man spent the proceeds quenching his thirst for beer. The bar owner has now returned the dog to its owner.

Phobia of The Day

Logizomechanophobia: fear of computers

Random Fact of The Day

The first domain name ever registered was Symbolics.com.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"You men out there probably think you already know how to dress for success. You know, for example, that you should not wear leisure suits or white plastic belts and shoes, unless you are going to a costume party disguised as a pig farmer vacationing at Disney World."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Uhhh...I know I was bad, but can you help me out here?)

Carjacker crashes, gets lost, calls cops

BOCA RATON, Fla. - A carjacker called 911 and turned himself in to police after he crashed a stolen SUV twice and got lost during his escape from the crime scene. Claude King, 31, called police from a Palm Springs pay phone and confessed to stealing the GMC Envoy Tuesday night, The Palm Beach Post reported.

"Um, I committed a crime," he told the police dispatcher. "I stole a vehicle."

He asked for officers to respond to his location, but when the dispatcher asked where the vehicle was, King didn't have an answer.

"I couldn't even tell you," he said. "I don't even know where I'm at."

Boca Raton police found King waiting on a curb. He being was held without bail in the Palm Beach County Jail.