Stupid News Story of The Day

(And how did you think they would react??)

Porn shoot stuns tourists

BERLIN (Reuters) - Italian vacationers admiring the view from a fairground Ferris wheel at the Munich Oktoberfest got more than they bargained for when a porn shoot suddenly began inside their cabin, authorities said on Friday.

Having settled down to enjoy a leisurely spin on the wheel at the famous beer festival, the group of Italians were quite unprepared for the arrival of two men toting cameras and a woman who started to use a vibrator.

Unable to stop the shoot, the Italians informed local police, who promptly arrested the actress and her crew, a political scientist and a 25-year-old student.

"They said they weren't doing it for commercial reasons but that they wanted to see how visitors would react," police said. The three have been charged with public indecency.

My crazy trip home

I posted this on my Myspace blog, too, but thought it was so funny that I had to post it here too. hehehe. I am such a dorkball!


I went to the beach over the weekend. I had a good time, even though it was foggy. I am the kind of person who could have fun just about anywhere I go, no matter if it is rain or shine. The trip over there went just peachy, but the trip home....well it was one to remember, for sure. I am a total gooberhead. Let's just start with that. It is a well-known fact that I am a klutz and I have no sense of direction. I am a klutzy, brainless gooberhead. There...I think that about sums it up. If you can think of any other words that can describe me, well let me know and I will make a list.

Well, I started back from Santa Maria a little before 9 pm. I decided that I was hungry and wanted some fries from Micky D's and a soda. Gotta keep myself caffeinated for the 2 hour trip home. And I hadn't eaten since like 2 pm, so I was hungry.Had I known, however, that it was gonna take 3 hours to get home instead of the normal 2, I might not have opted for that soda. But I digress.

I got to Mickey D's, knowing that there was one a little ways down the road. All was fine and dandy at that point. But I apparently missed my turn to get onto the street that leads to the freeway and ended up taking a long-ass detour down a side street that seemed to have no end. Oh, but it did have an end...a dead end. #%^*@! Sooooo, I had to turn around and go allllll the way back. Contrary to popular belief, not all roads lead to the freeway. Whoever tells you that is full of crap! Smack anyone who tells you that and tell them that it was from me!

So, after much driving around, I FINALLY got to the freeway, and I figured then that the worst was behind me. Boy was I ever wrong about that (let me just tell you that it was about 9:45 when I finally got onto the freeway). So, I was driving along down the 166 and up ahead in the distance, I saw the shimmering taillights of a pickup, and guess what....he was going about 35 mph. UGH! 35! What is that all about? And at every curve in the road, he would slow down to like 20 mph. Freakin' a! I was so pissed because it was a solid double line for miles at that point in the road, and with all the curves and up-and-down hills, I would not have been able to pass him anyway had I been a lawbreaker and passed over the solid double lines. So, here I was, already off schedule and stuck behind a slow-ass turtle...and then it starts to rain. Now, let me back up for a minute and tell you that one of my wiper blades is jacked up. In the Bakersfield summer, wiper blades don't last long. The sun dries them up and deteriorates them pretty fast, so I hadn't replaced it yet. After all, it hasn't rained in a while in town, and by the time I would actually get to use them, they would have probably been all messed up again. Besides, when I last looked at the weather forecast on Friday, nowhere, I repeat NOWHERE in the forecast did it say "rain." Had it called for rain, I would have replaced the thing. Must be nice to have a job like predicting the weather where you are allowed to be wrong all of the time and still be able to keep your job....but I digress....again.

So here I was, stuck going 35 mph, in the rain, and with one working wiper blade. Yeah. Things are going just SWELL here. Then I see lightning. Now, either the turtle in front of me going 35 mph has never seen lightning before, or maybe he is just really scared of it, but at the moment the lightning streaked across the sky, the guy swerves into the shoulder and nearly goes up the side of the hill. Once he regains control, he slows down even more. UGH!!!!!!!!! Fucking lightning! Fucking turtle! Fucking Mickey D's!!! Finally, up ahead, I see a glimmer of hope...the end of the solid double lines! YES!!!!

I speed up and pass mr turtle who had taken up so much of my time, and cruise for the rest of the way at a nice 70 mph. And I don't even slow down around the curves. Curves can kiss my sweet ass! And as soon as that slow ass fuckhead who slowed me down is out of the view of my rear-view mirror, I let out a shout of joy and turn up the radio. Smooth sailing for the rest of the way. Or at least to Cuyama.

Around the time I reached Cuyama, which is still about 60 miles from home, I got stuck behind another turtle, who I not-so-fondly began refering to as "assholio." Assholio was going about 40 mph. Granted, he was towing a trailer, so I was not pissed about that. What pissed me off so much about assholio, was that he would speed up whenever a broken line came into view. He would speed up to about 65-70 and then slow back down to 40 mph when the no passing zone was back in effect. Asshole!!! I started singing my "asshole song" (which goes, "assholes, assholes, mother fucking assholes. Assholes, assholes, beat them, YES!"), which is reserved for only the truest and most aggravating assholes. And yes, there are degrees of asshole-idity. This guy was at maybe the 4th degree on the scale from 1 to 5, with 5th being the supreme asshole. Finally, a passing lane came up, and I was able to zoom past assholio and leave him and his asshole trailer in my dust. Aggravated, I most definitely was, I and continued to sing my asshole song for a few more miles. I find it has a calming effect on me and helps to avoid road rage, or at least to bring it down to a tolerable level.

So with both assholio and the turtle both behind me, I continued on my adventure home, and it was already past 11 pm by this time. I would have been home already had it not been for those 2! @#$%!!!!! I was already in a bad mood, so I thought maybe I should avoid the freeway, so I decided to take Old River Road instead of taking the 166 to the 99 like I usually do. Brilliant idea! HA! Let me digress once more and just say that at any time when I say "I have a great idea," please, PLEASE just say NO! PLEASE! My great ideas have a way of being .... not so great, to put it nicely.

So, here comes the turn off for Old River Road. I have taken this road many times before, but not in the dark. Things have a way of looking different in the dark, as I have come to find....the hard way. So I am driving along, singing to the radio, trying to stay awake because for all intensive purposes, I should have been in bed by now, when I come to a crossroad. So, without a thought in my head, I make a left, unaware at the time that I should have made a right. La la la....driving along....la la la....wtf? 2 dairies??? Where the hell am I? CRAPOLA! I should have turned right! DAMNIT! Yes, those were the words that were coming out of my mouth ...along with a few more choice 4-letter words and probably some that have not been invented yet. I think at this point, I was speaking in tongues. Freakin' a! I had to turn around and go back the way I came. At this point, I was exhausted. I was all turned around, it was dark, I was sleepy, and there was nothing on the radio worth listening to, there were no asshole drivers to flip off or yell at. And, to top it all off, it stunk! Literally, it stunk like cow poop. So, I came to a road that I recognized....Buena Vista Road. AH HA! I know this road....or so I thought. I drive down the road and it freakin' dead ends. OMG! ARGHHH!!! This is just wrong! Where am I??????? So I turn around and drive back down the road, and then 2 dogs jump out and I nearly hit them. I am wide awake now. That was close. I wait for my heart to start again, then I continue driving.
I finally see the freeway entrance. Thank the lord. Granted, it is the I-5 entrance, but I know I can get the Taft exit and get to Panama Lane that way. So I drive and drive, feeling a little relieved that I am somewhere familiar now, and very embarassed that I got so lost, and in much need to a toilet. I had to pee like there was no tomorrow! Up ahead I see the Old River Road exit, and decide to live dangerously and take that. Again past the railroad tracks and the smelly dairy, but this time I make a right where I made the left the time before, and I make it home. FINALLY! Let that be a lesson to me. Never take a side road when the freeway is right ahead...and next time, I am gonna forget about the damned fries, and especially the soda. My bladder was screaming to me by the time I got in my door.

Oh well, at least I can laugh about it now. And I am sure most people who are reading this are laughing at me too. - lol

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"With any kind of car, just opening the driver's door and getting in involves a certain amount of risk. Have you noticed that? The terrific way they designed cars so the driver's door opens right out into the middle of traffic? About the only intelligent thing the British ever did was putting that driver's seat right over there near the curb where it belongs. Of course, then they went and moved the curb to the wrong side of the street."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(It's a sad, sad day when a guinea pig gets more Valentine's then I have ever gotten in my life!)

New record for most Valentines sent to guinea pig

LONDON (Reuters) - Sooty has set a new world record for the most valentine cards sent to a guinea pig.


The three-year-old guinea pig from Wales received 206 cards from as far away as New Zealand to gain a bizarre entry in the latest edition of Guinness World Records published Thursday.

Sooty was joined in the ranks of the world's weirdest and wackiest achievers by Briton Paul Hunn who took the record for the world's largest burp. Louder than a pile driver, his burps can be heard from a distance of 30 yards.

Not to be outdone, Canadian Christa Rasanayagam set a new record when accompanied up the aisle by no less than 79 bridesmaids aged from one to 79.

American Ashrita Furman found yet more Guinness immortality by pushing an orange one mile with his nose in 24 minutes and 36 seconds.

Furman is no stranger to Guinness, laying claim to 94 official records with such bizarre feats as climbing Mount Fuji on a pogo stick, underwater rope jumping and lighting 27,000 candles on a birthday cake in New York.

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Fire..........bad!)

Labour peer jailed for setting fire to curtain

LONDON (Reuters) - A Lord was sentenced to 16 months in jail on Thursday for deliberately setting fire to a curtain in a hotel after a boozy night out in Edinburgh.

Labour peer Mike Watson pleaded guilty to starting the blaze in the early hours of November 12 last year following a ceremony in the Scottish capital to celebrate the Scottish Politician of the Year awards.

During his trial, the court was shown closed circuit television footage of a figure dressed in a kilt, crouching at the base of the curtain which moments later burst into flames.

The figure was shown placing something in his sporran, the pouch which Scots traditionally wear over their kilts. The prosecution alleged it was a box of matches.

Watson's lawyer accepted his client had drunk "more than was wise" on the evening in question.

Experts told the court the blaze caused 4,500 pounds of damage and had endangered lives.

Watson, 56, has since resigned his seat in the Scottish parliament and his post as director of Scottish football club Dundee United.

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

People I Can Do Without:

A brain surgeon with BORN TO LOSE tattooed on his hand.

Couples whose children's names all start with the same initial.

A man in a hospital gown, directing traffic.

A waitress with a visible infection on her serving hand.

Stupid News Story of The Day

(That' all fine and dandy, but how are you gonna tell the flies about it?)

No flies on Chinese as Beijing toilet trains for Games

BEIJING (Reuters) - No more than two flies or two pieces of discarded trash or waste are allowed in Beijing's public toilets at any given time.

That is the order authorities in the city's Xicheng District have given 400 new environmental workers charged with enforcing what local officials call "the first public toilet management standard in Beijing's history".

The Chinese capital's toilets are notoriously foul, many containing no running water, flushing mechanisms or toilet paper. But since winning the bid to host the 2008 Olympics, Beijing has been working hard to improve toilet cleanliness.

"This is a move to change the image of Beijing's toilets and make a better impression," a Xicheng sanitation official surnamed Li told Reuters by telephone.

In July, the city vowed to launch "the largest toilet revolution in its history". By September 6, nearly 1,100 public toilets across the city had been upgraded, the Beijing Times reported on Tuesday.

Some new public toilets in popular tourist spots are even ranked by a star system, with the cleanest and most comfortable getting a coveted four stars.

Kim's Law #11

When I am late or in a hurry to get dressed, I will always, ALWAYS, be unable to find a matching pair of socks.

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Now may be a good time to invest in some Static Guard!)

Power-dressing man leaves trail of destruction

SYDNEY (Reuters) - An Australian man built up a 40,000-volt charge of static electricity in his clothes as he walked, leaving a trail of scorched carpet and molten plastic and forcing firefighters to evacuate a building.

Frank Clewer, who was wearing a woolen shirt and a synthetic nylon jacket, was oblivious to the growing electrical current that was building up as his clothes rubbed together.

When he walked into a building in the country town of Warrnambool in the southern state of Victoria Thursday, the electrical charge ignited the carpet.

"It sounded almost like a firecracker," Clewer told Australian radio Friday.

"Within about five minutes, the carpet started to erupt."

Employees, unsure of the cause of the mysterious burning smell, telephoned firefighters who evacuated the building.

"There were several scorch marks in the carpet, and we could hear a cracking noise -- a bit like a whip -- both inside and outside the building," said fire official Henry Barton.

Firefighters cut electricity to the building thinking the burns might have been caused by a power surge.

Clewer, who after leaving the building discovered he had scorched a piece of plastic on the floor of his car, returned to seek help from the firefighters.

"We tested his clothes with a static electricity field meter and measured a current of 40,000 volts, which is one step shy of spontaneous combustion, where his clothes would have self-ignited," Barton said.

"I've been firefighting for over 35 years and I've never come across anything like this," he said.

Firefighters took possession of Clewer's jacket and stored it in the courtyard of the fire station, where it continued to give off a strong electrical current.

David Gosden, a senior lecturer in electrical engineering at Sydney University, told Reuters that for a static electricity charge to ignite a carpet, conditions had to be perfect.

"Static electricity is a similar mechanism to lightning, where you have clouds rubbing together and then a spark generated by very dry air above them," said Gosden.

Blast From The Past

Remember these? There were all the rage when I was in grade school. I had to beg my mom to get me some just so I could take them to school and be "cool." Boy they were hot though! These were a hot commodity in school. Literally! I haven't seen these in the stores nowadays, but you can order them online. Yeah, they really have them online. Is there anything they don't have online nowadays?

Link: Soda Pop Stop

Stupid News Story of The Day

(What some people will do for money!)

Frenchman lived with dead mother to keep pension

MARSEILLE, France (Reuters) - A Frenchman in his sixties lived for five years with the body of his dead mother to keep receiving her 700 euros (473 pounds) monthly pension, judicial sources said on Saturday.

The man, a hospital morgue worker, is to be prosecuted for fraud and concealing a death on Saturday after police found the corpse in a two-room apartment in the city centre in piles of rubbish.

Police went to the flat because of unpaid rent and other bills. The man had imitated an old woman's voice to deceive the social services.

His mother had died of natural causes at the age of 94.

Yesterday, after I came home from shopping, I went to open my door and my neighbor's cat ran up the steps. Well, before I could close the door, he ran into my apartment. He wandered around for a bit, snooping around, checking out my fish and my hamster (as seen in this photo). I could not get him to leave! Finally, I tricked him by taking a bag of hamster food and shaking it. That got his attention. I put the bag of hamster food outside on my porch and he went to inspect it. As soon as he was outside, I shut my door. The poor kitty just looked at me from outside, and I almost felt bad. But I am sure Squeakers about had a heart attack when she saw that big cat looking at her - hehe. The whole incident was hilarious. I was laughing about it all afternoon.
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Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"You know what I never liked? The high-five. Sometimes I watch an old sports film on ESPN Classics, and I see a whole game without a single high-five. It's great."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(And just HOW did he think this was going to help?)

Man Tries Sex Video to Get Order Lifted

FARGO, N.D. - A man thought he might get a protection order lifted by secretly videotaping himself having sex with the woman he was told to leave alone. He was wrong, police said.

Justin W. Fraase, 26, gave the video to an officer, expecting it to show the woman didn't fear him. Instead, the tape revealed more than enough evidence for his arrest, police said.

"He obviously didn't watch it before he gave it to us," Lt. Tod Dahle said. Fraase was charged Thursday with sexually assaulting the woman two days earlier in his apartment.

A judge set his bail at $50,000 cash or bond. The woman, who has two children with Fraase, said he called her over to his home to discuss the custody of their kids.

When she arrived, he cornered her and wouldn't let her call for help until she had sex with him, she told police. "I was terrified," she said Thursday. "I didn't know what to do."

Afterward, Fraase showed her a camcorder and told her he had taped them.

Assistant Cass County State's Attorney Leah Viste watched the video and charged Fraase with three felonies: gross sexual imposition, felonious restraint and violation of a protection order. She also charged him with surreptitious intrusion and simple assault, both misdemeanors.

The video, which Viste said is 30 to 40 minutes long, includes audio of the woman's struggle and makes it clear she didn't want the sex, Dahle said.

"He provides us the videotape and doesn't realize that there's all this evidence on there that ends up putting him in jail on all these felony charges," Dahle said. "So basically he arrested himself."

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"Do you ever wonder who empties the wishing wells? That's our money. I've never received an accounting. It's just gone. Someone, apparently, is emptying the wishing wells and keeping the money. And I'm wondering whether or not that cancels out the wishes."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(If you can't trust your hitman, then who can you trust?)

Japanese woman calls cops over unreliable hitman

TOKYO (Reuters) - A Japanese woman called in the police after a hitman she paid to kill her lover's wife failed to carry out the job.

The 32-year-old Tokyo woman was arrested on Wednesday for incitement to murder, the Daily Yomiuri newspaper said on Friday.

The woman contacted a private detective through a Web site last November and paid him 1 million yen (4,991 pounds) in cash to murder her love rival, the paper said.

The 40-year-old detective accepted the money and suggested he could carry out the job by chasing the victim on a motorcycle and spraying her with a biological agent in a tunnel.

Police also arrested the private detective and found the alleged target safe and well, the paper said.

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Now here's a great contest..lose and you might be eaten. How's that for motivation?)

Sheep star in Croatia online reality

ZAGREB (Reuters) - Croatia has launched a new reality show on the Internet, starring sheep instead of people.

The winner of the 10-day Stado (herd) show, which closes on September 17, will receive poetry in its honour instead of money.

Those voted out of the seven-member herd might be eaten, the Vecernji List daily reported on Wednesday.

The show can be followed 24 hours a day on website www.stado.org, where visitors can see how the sheep feed and interact with each other.

They can then choose which sheep to vote out.

The show drew anger from human rights groups who reported animal abuse to local veterinary inspectors.

"I am not an insensitive bastard who abuses animals. We've called a vet for those sheep that were in poorer shape," organiser Sinisa Labrovic told the daily.

He said the aim of the project was to show that "more and more people, especially those who take part in reality shows, are made to look like sheep in every situation".

Why I hate Mondays so very, very much

Mondays suck. That is just a fact. It is just wrong to have to come back to work after a nice couple of days off. It just is! Especially if you can't get to sleep on Sunday nights, which I never can. I spent half of yesterday at work groggy and cranky and the other half just insane...I will explain later, and probably in WAY too much detail.

Mondays are a day when you come back to work, after a few days off, to a pile of work. And not just work that you had from the previous week....you also come back to work usually with your voice mail full of messages from over the weekend, most of them "urgent" calls. What "urgent" means, however, varies from person to person. To some people, "urgent" is something like when their house is on fire or they are having a heart attack. To others, however, it means something like they can't find their other shoe or they got a splinter in their finger. What bugs me is that people KNOW we are closed on the weekends, yet they leave like 5 messages on a Saturday expecting you to magically pick up and call them, even though you don't even have access to your voice mail. A psychic friend I am not. And if it really WERE urgent, I am sure the police or the fire department is who they should be calling. Not me. I am not trained in search and rescue. Sorry folks, can't help you there. Nor can I find your shoe. I don't even know what they look like.

Mondays are a day, also, when you just don't want to be at work. I don't know if it is psychological or what. I think it is just knowing that for the next 4 or 5 days, you are going to have to rise and shine earlier than you would like to and stay indoors at work all day long when you could be doing something fun, like playing baseball, or going to a movie, or sleeping, or looking for your shoes. Who wants to be cooped up indoors when there are things to do which are a lot more fun than sitting at a desk. What could possibly be more fun than sitting at a desk for 9 or 10 hours a day? Oh, I don't know. I spend most of my day at a desk. Who knows what fun really feels like.

I also usually come home from work on Mondays with a headache. Headaches...the gift that keeps on giving. Screw Tylenol! Bring on the pain! Oh joy. What fun it is to be sitting at a desk all day long, dreaming about what fun used to feel like, with a throbbing head and answering calls from people who can't find their shoes! Oh yeah! I can't think of a better way to spend the day. No sir, I can't.

Yeah, yesterday I went from sleepy to insane in a matter of hours. Where else but work can you get that kind of excitement? I started the morning pretty well. Just sleepy from my lack of sleep the night before, but I drank a caffeine cocktail (aka Pepsi) and all was getting better. Then after lunch, things got ugly. Yeah, I was awake by then, but then the wrath of C (names are changed to protect the innocent) came down on me and I was afraid. Yes, I was afraid. One look at her cases can strike fear and aggravation into the heart of even the most patient of people, like me. She had the case from hell. I am talking the 7th layer of hell here. Yeah, it was that bad. I think I even saw that 3-headed dog from hell, Cerberus, on one of the forms in the case folder. Or maybe that was just a hallucination. I hope it was. I think we worked on that puppy from about 2:30 to after 5 pm and it STILL was messed up. Which means that Monday's work is going to flow into today's work, which is like extending the Monday. How wrong is that?! The computer was not computing the income right, and that is math, and math and I don't get along. I looked at that case over and over again like 5-6 times and by that time, everything looked the same. 2's started to look like 5's and 7's started to look like 9's. Day became night...night became day. Summer became winter (which in this building is not hard to fathom since it is freezing in here!!). My eyes fell out of focus and I about passed out. Not just from all the confusion in the case, but because C kept asking me, "Why is it doing that?" I wanted so badly to shake her and say , " I DON'T KNOW! That's what I keep saying!!!!!!!!" But I didn't. I don't think I had enough energy left in me to even muster a slight chokehold let alone a tight stranglehold. The girl, and I know she is trying otherwise I would have already KILLED her, drives me nuts! I tell her step by step how to do something and 2 minutes later she is asking me how to do it again. And it is not just once. I can tell her how to do the same thing 10 times and she will still forget how to do it! And then she keeps asking me, "Now why are we doing this?" and "How do you do that again?" I want to beat someone senseless, but sadly my brother is at work. Sigh. I am getting another headache just thinking about it. It aggravates me because it makes me feel like she isn't even listening to a word I say. It is like it goes in one ear and out someone else's. The girl can't retain information for even a minute. She is gonna have trouble someday if she ever gets Alzheimer's. Seriously! Maybe she has early onset Alzheimer's or something. Or maybe, just a case of "the stupids." Heck, even I get the stupids sometimes. But is only temporary, and not chronic like some people.

So, here it is Tuesday today, and the storm that was Monday has passed, leaving my twisted, messed up brain in its wake. My head is still hurting despite downing 2 Tylenol Pm's last night. I hope C does not bring me another jacked up case like that today. I need at least a week to recover from that mind numbing experience. My brain has been traumatized by all of this. Now if only I could find my shoe....

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"Suppose you took an oath by placing your right hand on the Bible and raising your left? Would the oath still count? Does God really care? Does anyone?"

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Funny, funny, ha ha)

Ohio Man Cited in Fake Death Prank

MERCER, Pa. - Police cited an Ohio man for harassment after an ugly prank involving his sister.

Glenn Connolly, 35, of Youngstown, called state police in Mercer on Saturday and asked them to advise his sister, Victoria Christie, 34, of Mercer, that their mother had died, authorities said.

Troopers did just that, only to find out afterward that the woman hadn't died.

Police didn't immediately say what was behind the prank.

Connolly doesn't have a listed telephone and couldn't immediately be reached for comment Monday.

Because police filed only a summary citation, Connolly faces no more than a $300 fine and 90 days in jail if he's convicted.

Kim's Law #10

The lighter the color the clothes I wear are, the more magnetic they become to dark colored foods.

Up, Up and away!!!

Your Superhero Profile

Your Superhero Name is The Albino Claw Your Superpower is Kissing Your Weakness is Rain Your Weapon is Your Magnetic Slingshot Your Mode of Transportation is Sled

What's your Superhero Name?

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"Swimming isn't a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That's just common sense."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(I think this is only gonna hurt her business worse, don't ya think?)

Prostitute Gets 30 Years for Burning House

JACKSONVILLE, Fla. - A prostitute who torched a civic leader's home because she was angry that newcomers to the neighborhood were hurting her business was sentenced to 30 years in prison.

Dusty Simmons, 45, had never been to prison despite 83 prior convictions for prostitution, drugs, robbery and bail jumping. The judge sentenced her on the arson conviction as a habitual felon, noting Simmons had lived outside the law most of her life.

"She has become a Jacksonville criminal institution," said prosecutor Stephen Siegel, who asked for a life sentence.

Prosecutors said Simmons set the fire because new residents to the Springfield neighborhood were hurting the street prostitution and drug trades. The home's resident was inside at the time of the 2003 fire.

Her defense attorney said Simmons would appeal. Friends and relatives asked for leniency, saying that since being released on bail, Simmons had been drug-free and earned an honest living on her uncle's shrimp boat.

"These last months she's been a real lady and I'd recommend just as much mercy as you can give her," said her cousin, Lester Hodges.

Springfield Preservation and Revitalization Council President Louise DeSpain said she could have been killed.

"I'm a victim who could possibly not be here today because Dusty set my house on fire with me in it," DeSpain said.

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"Have you ever been sitting on a railroad train in the station, and another train is parked right next to you? And one of them begins moving, but you can't tell which one? And then it becomes obvious, and all the magic is gone? Wouldn't it be nice if we could spend our whole lives not knowing which train is moving? Actually, we do."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Bad monkey...now that's a bad, bad monkey!)

Pet Monkey Escapes, Bites Boy on Buttocks

KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia - A monkey, apparently a pet, escaped, then chased a 12-year-old boy into his house and bit him on the buttocks in the western Malaysian state of Pahang, a news report said Friday.

The monkey, which was believed to be a pet animal because there was a chain around its neck, ran up and down the street in the housing area in Kuantan town as it appeared just after dusk Wednesday, scaring people into their homes, the Bernama news agency reported.

Blast From The Past

Remember Chinese Jumprope? I do. I used to be pretty good at it too. I had forgotten how to play, so I looked it up. I got the following info from this website:

If you aren't familiar with the game, Chinese Jumprope involves a very large coated rubber band-type thing that two people put around their ankles and face each other, and then the other person stands in between them and jumps a complicated dance around the parallel lines of elastic without touching, falling, or missing the jumprope when necessary. The dance went:

You start by straddling the elastic.

"IN!": You jump in the air and land with your feet inside the parallel lines of elastic, not touching the elastic or making it touch the ground.

"OUT!": You jump in the air and land with your feet outside the jumprope, just like your starting position.

"SIDE!": You jump in the air and land straddling one side of the elastic: one of your feet is in the "out" position, the other is "in".

"SIDE!": You jump to the other side of the jumprope with your feet straddling.

"ON!": Then you jump in the air and land with both of your feet on the elastic, having them under your feet.

"IN!"

"OUT!"

"SCISSORS!": This was where you would be leaving the jumprope, but you would drag one of your feet along the way so that it crosses and touches the other elastic. It is the only time the two ropes touch.


"IN! OUT! SIDE! SIDE! ON! IN! OUT! SCISSORS!"

After you complete that the people inside the ropes move the elastic up to their knees. In out side side on in out scissors. If you complete that they move the elastic up to their thighs. In "thighsies" the tricky part was "on", since you had to jump in the air and nail that rope under your feet on the way down. In out side side on in out. "Smallies" came next, where the two would put the rope back around their ankles, but would put their feet together so the "in" space was only a few inches (eight year olds have some tiny-ass feet). If you survive "smallies" you move on to "widies", where the two people would spread their legs as far apart as possible. It made the "out" section particularly difficult. There were other parts that involved how you jumped: walksies, runsies, trotsies, skipsies... then there were some where one half would be wide and the other would be small so you had to make your feet land diagonally and such. If you ever screwed up you took the place of one of the rope holders.

Now, go out and get yourself a Chinese Jumprope and get to playing!

San Diego Zoo Trip

I posted more pics of my zoo trip on my other blog. The animals were so cute!

My mom, my brother and I decided to go to the San Diego Zoo on Friday. This is a picture of part of the city of San Diego. I posted some pictures of the animals below. The zoo is huge! We didn't even have enough time to see everything. I think it would be better to go really early, Then maybe you could see everything.
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Orangutan
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Gorilla
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Giant Panda
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Baby Masai Giraffe next to his papa
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Alaskan Brown Bear taking a dip in the pool
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African Elephants
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Stupid News Story of The Day

(No, you are not drunk. The floor really IS moving.)

Sinkhole Disrupts 'Happy Hour' at Eatery

MILTON, Fla. - About 25 customers and staff were evacuated from Ollie's Neighborhood Grill just as "happy hour" began after employees noticed floors and walls were uneven and seemed to have shifted.

A sinkhole, likely caused by an underground spring, sent a steady stream of water flowing beneath the floors Thursday and caused the building to sink about six inches in some places, said owner Andy Leach.

"The floor seems to be moving," said Milton Fire Chief John Reble. "I've never seen anything the likes of this before. It's caused quite a bit of structural damage to the slab."

Reble initially suspected a broken water main but testing determined the flow was from a natural source because it lacked chlorine used to treat drinking water.
Santa Rosa County building inspector Bobby Burkett said the building may have to be condemned and razed.

"You're not hardly going to stop an underground spring," he said.

"God help me. I'm so tired. I need my sleep. I make no bones about it.

I need eight hours a day, and at least ten at night. . . ."

~ Bill Hicks

... and with that thought, I am going to bed. Gotta get up early, cuz I am going to LA with my mom and brother. God help me. I didn't buy any earplugs. DAMNIT! I hope we can all get along this time.

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"When you find existing time on a parking meter, you should be able to add it to the end of your life. Minus the time you spent on hold."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(I guess PART of it was tiger.)

Chinese Eatery Sold Donkey in Tiger Urine

SHANGHAI, China - A restaurant in northeastern China that advertised illegal tiger meat dishes was found instead to be selling donkey flesh — marinated in tiger urine, a newspaper reported Thursday.

The Hufulou restaurant, located beside the Heidaohezi tiger reserve near the city of Hailin, had advertised stir-fried tiger meat with chilies for $98 as well as liquor flavored with tiger bone for $74 a bottle, the China Daily reported.

Raw meat was priced at $864 per kilogram.

The sale of tiger parts is illegal in China and officers shut down the restaurant, only to be told by owner, Ma Shikun, that the meat was actually that of donkeys, flavored with tiger urine to give the dish a "special" tang, the newspaper said.

The report didn't say how the urine was obtained.

Authorities confiscated the restaurant's profits and fined Ma $296 it said. It wasn't clear what Ma was fined for. Selling donkey meat is not illegal in China and it is widely consumed in the northeast.

Ma had initially claimed that the meat came from dead tigers sold to him by the management of the Heidaohezi reserve, but later changed his story, the report said.

While Heidaohezi's director denied that claim, the reserve, with about 150 tigers, has been involved in similar controversies in the past.

Until China outlawed the trade in 1993, the reserve received most of its revenue from the sale of tiger skins, bones and other body parts, which are believed by Chinese to imbue vigor and sexual prowess.

Blast From The Past

Remember the Hackey Sack? I do. I actually had one. It was a fad, and yes, I followed the fad for a while. We played it at school. We played it at home. We played it every chance we got. Some kids got to be really good at it too. I played it alot, too. That was until I found out that I was just no good at it and then I forgot all about it and moved onto the next fad...yo-yo's, frisbees, whatever was "IN" at the time.

Trivia: The modern footbag was invented by John Stalberger and Mike Marshall in Oregon City, Oregon in 1972. Actually, the name "Hackey Sack" is actually the brand name. The correct term for the game is "footbag."

Link: Wikipedia

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Don't drink and pee in a cemetery)

Inebriated Belgian woman dies in cemetery accident

BRUSSELS (Reuters) - An inebriated Belgian woman died in a freak accident when she ended up beneath a heavy grave stone at a cemetery, local news agency Belga said on Wednesday.

The 33-year-old was on her way home from a bar in the Belgian town of Pulle in the early hours of Saturday when she took a short cut through the cemetery.

But she urgently needed to relieve herself and crouched down between two gravestones. As she lost her balance, she grabbed one of the stones which gave way and landed on top of her.

The public prosecutor's office said she died of suffocation as she was unable to lift the heavy stone.

Lazy Butt Weekend

I had a wonderful, lazy weekend. I am not ashamed to say that, aside from going to the grocery store on Saturday, and to Rite Aid on Sunday, I didn't even leave the house. I worked on Friday, and after work I went and got my chest x-rays (which was embarrassing - they made me take off my shirt and bra and sit in this cotton gown thing in the waiting room for like 20 minutes - ugh), and then after that, I went and got my hair trimmed. Everything was fine there, until the barber told me that he saw my gray hairs, which made my Rite Aid trip on Sunday necessary (had to get some hair color!) - lol. So, on Sunday, I colored my hair.

Yesterday, they had a CSI marathon on Spike TV all day long. I was in heaven!!!! Then, on Comedy Central in the evening, they had a Reno 911 marathon on .... more heaven!!! It was a great weekend. I needed a nice break like this after all the traveling and stuff I have been doing on the past weekends. I just felt like I needed to catch up on some much needed rest and relaxation. Of course, I have another 3-day weekend this weekend. That is a good reason to smile :)

I have discovered Paint Shop Pro and Animation Shop, so I was messing around with those all weekend, too. I guess those are my new obsessions - lol. I've been making icons and blinkies and all sorts of stuff. I also ordered a tripod for my digital camera. I recently actually read thru my digital camera owner's manual and found out that I can take black and white pics and also read on how to use the manual settings on my camera to take pics at night (thus the need for a tripod). I guess it was about tie I read that manual. I have only had the camera for, what, 6 months now? hehe.

Well, I gotta get back to work now. At least it is Tuesday today and not Monday :) While I would rather be back at home in my jammies, at least this is a short work week. More reason to smile :)

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"White people got no business playing the blues ever. At all. Under no circumstances. What do white people have to be blue about? Banana Republic ran out of khakis? The espresso machine is jammed?"

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Well, there's one way to win a woman's heart...accuse her relatives of terrorism)

Love-struck man faces jail over terror hoax

KARACHI (Reuters) - A love-struck Pakistani faces up to three years in jail for falsely accusing a brother and a cousin of the woman he hoped to marry of planning a suicide attack on the U.S. consulate in Karachi, police said Monday.

Jobless laborer Mohammad Imran sparked a security scare when he made the allegations in a telephone call to the U.S. embassy in Islamabad last month after the relatives ordered him not to see or speak to his would-be bride, police said.

Investigating officer Sadaullah Bangash said Imran, 22, had told police he got the idea after news of a spate of arrests of militant suspects in Pakistan after the July 7 London bombings.

Bangash said police had questioned the relatives, who appeared to be ordinary people with no connection to terrorism.

Imran is due in court in Karachi Wednesday and faces up to three years' jail if convicted of making false accusations, he said.

"It appears to be a case of a man infatuated by a girl going to extremes to realize his dream of marrying her one day."

A spokesman for the U.S. consulate in Karachi, which was the target of a suicide bombing in 2002 that killed 12 people, said it was not its policy to comment on security matters.

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Bad painting! Bad!)

Woman slashes Lichtenstein painting with knife

VIENNA (Reuters) - A woman attacked a painting by American Pop Art legend Roy Lichtenstein, slashing it four times with a knife at an exhibition in the western Austrian city of Bregenz, police said.

The 35-year-old woman, a resident of Munich in Germany, pulled a jack-knife from her bag on Saturday and damaged the painting, "Nudes in Mirror", police said in a statement issued on Saturday night. Visitors and staff then stopped her.

The painting was worth several million dollars, it added.

The Austrian news agency APA reported that the woman said the painting in the Kunsthaus Bregenz museum was not authentic.

"Of course the painting is a real Lichtenstein," the exhibition's curator, Rudolf Sagmeister, was quoted by APA as saying.

Although the slashes were each roughly 30 cm (12 inches) long, the painting was damaged rather than destroyed and could be restored, he added. APA said it was insured for about 4 million euros.

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"Someday I wanna see the pope come out on that balcony and give the football scores."

A few things I have learned

I learned that those cd holders you can put over the mirrors on the inside of your windshield are worthless. They deteriorate in the sun and when you touch them, they fall apart and leave little pieces of black crap all over your hands and car. Pieces of junk!! Don't waste your money on them...unless you live in Alaska or somewhere where the sun doesn't come up very much - hehe.

I learned that after about 8000 junk mails, Yahoo deletes some of them, making it nearly impossible to reach my 50000 junk email goal. I was up to around 8000 and now it is back down to 6039.

I also learned that I have WAY too much time on my hands - lol.

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Say...ouch!)

Doctor adds insult to injury

TOKYO (Reuters) - "Trust me, I'm a doctor" wouldn't describe one Japanese medic who has landed in hot water after hitting and abusing a patient during surgery.

The elderly female patient at a hospital in Shiga, central Japan, was given a local anaesthetic for an unspecified operation early last month, but began thrashing around on the operating table and yelling at the doctor to stop.

After trying to persuade her to calm down, the doctor hit the patient on the forehead and yelled at her to shut up, a hospital spokesman said. The patient needed five days to recover from the injury to her forehead.

The operation was re-conducted last week by another doctor.

Things that make me go hmmmm...

Why do they always give you like 10 packets of ketchup for a small order of fries?

Do they really HAVE to make a reality show about everything? Like that stupid My Super Sweet Sixteen show on MTV...what the hell is that all about? A bunch of spoiled little brats who make their parents' lives miserable planning for a stupid birthday party that will only last a few hours, yet will cost more than their college education and wedding combined.

Gas prices....nuff said.

Why is Paris Hilton famous?

Does Britney Spears actually think she has a good voice?

What is the deal with that stupid Buger King dude? He freaks me out!Do the Burger King commercial makers actually think that plastic-faced freak will help them sell more burgers?

Why did someone always have to cry in every episode of Little House on The Prairie? Was all that crying really necessary?

Just how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?

Stupid News Story of The Day

(That's one way to get rid of spiders)

Well, at least the spiders are gone...

BERLIN (Reuters) - A German woman laid waste to her family home by setting fire to it as she tried to kill spiders in a garage with a can of hairspray and a cigarette lighter.

Police in the western town of Zuelpich said that when the aerosol failed to finish them off, the 34-year-old woman tried to burn them with the lighter. However, this set the area she had just sprayed on fire and the blaze spread to a hedge.

"It was a series of unfortunate events which led to the damage," a police spokesman said Thursday.

"She tried to put the fire out with a garden hose, but couldn't. Instead her semi-detached house next to the hedge caught fire. It's now uninhabitable."

Firefighters managed to extinguish the blaze and save the neighboring house, which sustained broken windows and some charring. The spokesman estimated the total cost of the damage at well over 100,000 euros. No one was hurt.

"The family have had to look for somewhere else to stay," he said. "The spiders are gone though -- that problem was solved."

Which Reno 911 Character Are you?

You're Deputy Travis Junior. You spend more time
trying to train the German Shepherds (by
speaking French) than you spend with your
fellow officers. You let the dogs kiss your
mouth and then you dont wash off the dog
saliva. You also think Wiegel is hot, which is
a little weird.


Which Law Enforcement Officer Of Reno 911 Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Stupid News Story of The Day

(How is he gonna explain THIS to his woman?)

Stripper stabs man who refused lap dance

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - An angry San Diego topless dancer pulled out a knife and stabbed a customer after he refused a lap dance, police said on Thursday.

Lawanda Dixon, 24, was arrested for assault with a deadly weapon shortly after the altercation with 33-year-old Melik Jordan at the Dream Girls Cabaret early on Wednesday, San Diego police Det. Gary Hassen said.

"He was in the club with some friends watching the shows when she came up and asked if he wanted a lap dance," Hassen said. "He said no, she got upset about it, they argued back and forth. She pulled knife out of her bag and stabbed him."

Dixon was taken into custody and police found methamphetamine in a small metal container in Dixon's bag, Hassen said, adding that she may face drug charges. Officers also confiscated a small folding knife.

Jordan was treated for his injuries and released by a local hospital.

Squeakers says "hi" (isn't she cute?)
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Random Thoughts From a Brain in Pain

I have a migraine....I think the reason why they call them migraines is that "migraine" rhymes with "pain." It is getting better tho. A little while ago I felt like I was gonna lose my lunch and my head was gonna explode, but here I am, lunch digesting nicely and my head still intact.

On the upside of things, it is Thursday, which means Friday is tomorrow. One day closer to a 3-day weekend :) I can't wait to go home and relax. I get up in the morning and think to myself, as I am groggily getting ready for work, that I can't wait til I come back home! if sleep were an obsession, I would be sleep obsessed. Then again, maybe sleep IS an obsession to some people, and maybe I AM obsessed....just something to ponder.

I am obsessed with some things. Like making sure the door is locked before I leave the house or before I go to bed. And making sure my car alarm is set when I park my car. And making sure that my curling iron is unplugged before I leave the house. Yes, I am obsessed with these and many more things. Am I crazy? I don't think I am. But maybe some people might disagree with me (hehe). I am also an organization freak at work and an anal one at that. I am completely obsessed with "evenness"--- yes, "evenness." Like if a picture is hanging slightly crooked it unnerves me and I feel myself just wanting to go straighten it! I fought very hard the other day as I was observing a trainees interview to NOT straighten out the papers that were on the desk. I am so bad! lol. I think I get it from my mom. She is obsessed with the coffee maker...she cannot leave the house in peace if she thinks it still may be plugged in. Oh, and both of my parents are obsessed with the garage door...they would get completely stressed out if they didn't remember shutting the damned thing before leaving on a trip somewhere....whether it be out of town or just down to the store. Maybe you would call that paranoia and not obsession though. Hmmm.

I SO need a haircut. My hair is getting shaggy. I need to dye it again, too. Those gray hairs are peeping back out again. GRRRR!

Almost time to go home now. Thank the lord!

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"The idea that if kids wear uniforms to school, it helps to keep order - bad theory. And it's not even a new idea; I first saw it in old newsreels from the 1930's, but it was hard to understand, because the narration was in German."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Better lock up your cats!)

This gives new meaning to "cat burglar"

BERLIN (Reuters) - German police called to a break-in at an apartment in the northern town of Itzstedt found the intruder still on the premises and hiding under a kitchen cabinet.

The "cat burglar" had somehow crawled into the ground-floor of the apartment, broken window blinds, torn down drapes and trashed furniture.

Police also found fish and fish remains from a broken aquarium scattered around the apartment, said Julika Reinhardt, spokesman for the police in the town north of Hamburg.

Two officers finally found the offender, a cat, hiding under a kitchen cabinet but the heavyweight male resisted arrest, biting one officer in the thumb before they both managed to overpower it.

Reinhardt said the cat, wearing a name tag, was returned to its owner who would have to pay for the damage.

"No one knows how the cat broke in," she said. "But the damage was considerable."

Update

I decided to take the "no-right click" function off of my blog...for now. I have had trouble in the past with people "direct linking" (or "hotlinking") to my images and, as a result, my server would crash. I like to collect cute images, myself and borrow quiz things from other people's blogs, so I didn't think it was fair for me to take other people's stuff and not share the wealth. Feel free to copy any of the pictures to your own hard drives, but PLEASE do not directly link on your pages to my images. It is just not nice, and it is illegal ! You can get a FREE file hosting site at places such as www.myfilestash.com or www.photobucket.com. All you need is an email address and you are set. If my server crashes again, I will have to disable the right click function yet again. So, please, be nice :)

Blast From The Past

Remember these? These toys that after a while would get tangled up and become a big, steel mess? Sure, they were fun for a while, until you decided to see what it would look like all straightened out. They were sure fun while they lasted though. It is amazing just how a coiled up piece of steel could entertain somebody for so long. Just proves that people are easily entertained for the most part. It's slinky...it's fun for a girl or a boy.

“What walks down stairs, alone or in pairs, And makes a slinkity sound?"
"A spring, a spring, a marvelous thing, Everyone knows it’s Slinky…”
"It's Slinky, it's Slinky, for fun it's a wonderful toy"
"It's Slinky, it's Slinky, it's fun for a girl and a boy"

Trivia: The Slinky was invented by Richard James, a naval engineer, in 1945.

Link: Slinky Website

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"People say when you die, you can't take it with you. Well, that depends on what it is. If it's your dark blue suit, you certainly can take it with you. In fact, not only can you take it with you, you can probably put some things in the pockets."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Gimme back my brain!)

U.S. woman sues over harvesting of brother's brain

SEATTLE (Reuters) - A woman has sued the largest county in Washington state for harvesting the brain of her dead brother for research without obtaining permission from next of kin, according to court records obtained on Tuesday.

In a lawsuit filed 10 days ago in Pierce County Superior Court, Robinette Amaker of North Carolina claimed that the brain of her deceased brother, Bradley Gierlich, was taken from his body in 1998 at the King County Medical Examiner's office.

Amaker, who is seeking unspecified monetary damages, said that the brain and other tissue samples were sent to Stanley Medical Research Institute, an organisation based in Bethesda, Maryland that provides brain samples for research into schizophrenia and bipolar disorders.

Amaker and her lawyer were not immediately available for comment.

Stanley Medical did not return calls seeking comment, but a statement on its Web site said, "Stanley Medical Research Institute has never knowingly obtained any donation of brain or other tissue without the full consent of available next of kin."

James Apa, spokesman for the medical examiner's office, cited a previous statement by the agency saying that consent was given for 255 cases of brain donation in the county. Stanley Medical had contracted with King County between 1995 to 2002 to obtain brain samples.

"Defendants took the property (brain) in a wrongful and tortuous manner, and a demand for its return would have been useless," the lawsuit said.

Another Survery Thingamabob

These are supposedly 25 questions that no one would ever think to ask:

o1. When you look at yourself in the mirror, what's the first thing you look at? my head...it's hard to miss - hehe

o2. How much cash do you have on you? $4 and some change - lol

o3. What's a word that rhymes with "TEST"?: Best

o4. Favorite plant?: Gerbera Daisies

o5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?: no one - I deleted all of those

o6. What is your main ring tone on your phone? Napoleon Dynamite saying, "Tina, come get some ham."

o7. What shirt are you wearing?: a tan shirt with some swirly things on it

o8. Do you "label" yourself, or could you? nope - why should I?

o9. Name brand of your shoes currently wearing? who knows - they are old - I think the label came off - haha

1o. Bright or Dark Room?: well I am in a bright room right now

11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you? I don't know who took it before me

12. Ever "spilled the beans"?: yeah - I spilled some beans on my shirt the other day - haha

13. What were you doing at midnight last night? sleeping, of course

14. What did your last text message you received on your cell phone say? can't remember

15. Do you ever click on "Pop Ups" or Banners?: nope

16. What's a saying that you say a lot?: coolio

17. Who told you they loved you last? like I can remember that far back...I could tell you the last person who told me they didn't love me though :P

18. Last furry thing you touched?: my hamster, Squeakers (this is a bad question for people with dirty minds - lol)

19. How many hours a week do you work? 40

2o. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed?: none - I have a digital camera - hehe

21. Favorite age you have been so far?: 1 - my mommy and daddy took care of me back then - lol

22. Your worst enemy?: mean people

23. What is your current desktop picture? at home, Kenny from South Park - here at work, Ren and Stimpy

24. What was the last thing you said to someone?: shut up (I was talking to my brother- lol)

25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to change a major regret?: million bucks, baby. I think a million bucks would solve my biggest regret - lol.

New look, same blog

Yeah, I changed my blog colors again. This is what happens when I get bored - hehe. Same stuff, just different colors really. There is nothing new or exciting about my life at this moment, thus the boredom. I like to be creative though, and this is a new outlet for that creativity. Sorry if the new colors confused anyone. I assure you, you are at the right place (assuming you are looking for my blog and not someone else's - hehe).

It was terrible about what happened in Louisiana and Mississippi from that Katrina storm. Mother Nature can be a real bitch sometimes. I can only hope and pray that more people will be found alive and that someday the damage will be fixed, but that will be a long time coming.

I am tired, as usual. At least it is almost going home time :) Tomorrow is Hump Day. It is a 5-day work week this week, but next week, we are off Monday and Friday, so it will be only a 3-day work week. That makes me very happy! lol

And with that, I am signing off and getting my butt out of work and going home! woo hoo! Hooray for 5:30!

Top 10 Reasons to Go To Work Naked

10. No one will ever steal your chair.

9. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.

8. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk.

7. People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them.

6. You want to see if it's like the dream.

5. To stop those creepy programmer guys from looking down your blouse.

4. "I'd love to chip in... but I left my wallet in my pants."

3. Inventive way to finally meet that 'special' person in Human Resources.

2. Can take advantage of your computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.


And...drum roll...the Number One reason to go to work naked:

Your boss will never say, "I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!" ever again.

Kim's Law #9

My keys will end up at the bottom of my purse, buried under everything else, no matter how close to the top of my purse I originally put them.

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

"White people ought to understand...their job is to give people the blues, not to get them. And certainly not to sing or play them! I'll tell you a little secret about the blues: It's not enough to know which notes to play, you have to know why they need to be played."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Funny, funny, ha ha)

Man Has Girl Present Hold-Up Note at Bank 2 hours, 28 minutes ago

SAVANNAH, Ga. - Michael Lyons apparently had a funny practical joke planned for his daughter's birthday. In the end, no one was laughing — especially Lyons.

Lyons, 45, was arrested after he told a 13-year-old girl to hand a note to a bank teller, police said. The note said, "Give me all of your money, this is a stick up," according to a police report.

The incident happened Friday when Lyons and a group of girls were celebrating his daughter's birthday. While he was getting money out of an ATM, the girl went into the bank and handed the note to a teller.

The teller sounded the bank's alarm, and police and FBI surrounded the building. Instead of robbers, they found Lyons and the girls.

Lyons was charged with criminal attempt of robbery by intimidation, said Savannah-Chatham Metropolitan Police spokesman Bucky Burnsed.

"You can't yell 'fire' in a crowded theater, can't joke about a bomb in your luggage at the airport, and you can't write notes to cashier that say 'This is a stick up,'" Burnsed said.

Funny Stuff From George Carlin

how many times has this happened to you? lol

"Do you ever find yourself standing in a room, and you can't remember why you went in there? And you think to yourself, 'Maybe if I go back where I was I'll see something that reminds me. Or maybe it would be quicker if I just stand here and hope it comes back to me.' Usually as you're weighing those options, two words float across your mind: 'Alzheimer's Disease.'

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Stupid is as stupid does)

"Bright sparks" destroy car trying to steal fuel

WELLINGTON (Reuters) - Three men trying to steal fuel from a New Zealand farm on Monday ended up setting fire to their own car.

Police said the trio had siphoned diesel into a petrol-driven vehicle. When their car would not start, they examined the fuel pipe using a cigarette lighter.

One click, a boom and the car burst into flames.

"It wasn't a major whodunnit," senior sergeant Ross Gilbert told Reuters, from the small North Island town of Waipukurau, about 230 km (143 miles) northeast of Wellington.

"Fortunately for them, there is no criminal charge for stupidity."

The men, aged 18 to 19, escaped injury but were charged with theft.

This thingy

I "stole" this thingy off of Netter's blog - hehe

INSTRUCTIONS:
1. Copy this whole list into your journal.
2. Bold the things that are true about you.
3. Whatever you don't bold is false.

01. I miss somebody right now
02. I don't watch much TV these days
03. I love black olives
04. I love sleeping (if I could double bold this one I would! lol)
05. I own lots of books
06. I wear glasses or contact lenses
07. I love to play video games
08. I've smoked marijuana
09. I've viewed pornography
10. I have been asked to bein a threesome (no, I didn't take him up on it - haha)
11. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship
12. I believe honesty is USUALLY the best policy
13. I have acne free skin (normally, unless it is THAT time of the month)
14. I like Ashley Simpson (I give the girl props - she has guts)
15. I curse frequently (motherf*cking right I do! lol)
16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year (thank you, Prozac! lol)
17. I have a hobby
18. Love Moves mankind
19. I carry my knife everywhere with me
20. I'm really smart ( i would say semi-smart not REALLY smart)
21. I've never broken someone's bones
22. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal
23. I hate the rain
24. I'm paranoid at times
25. I would get plastic surgery in a heart beat (breast reduction surgery, baby!)
26. I need money right now!
27. I love Sushi
28. I talk really, really fast (Always)
29. I have fresh breath in the morning
30. I have semi-long hair
31. I have lost money in Las Vegas (who hasn't ?!)
32. I have at least one brother and/or one sister
33. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
35. I have a twin
36. I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past (fake nails)
37. I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
38. I like the way I look sometimes
39. I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months
40. I know how to do cornrows
41. I am usually pessimistic
42. I have a lot of mood swings (at least one week a month I do - hehe)
43. I think prostitution should be legalized
44. I think Britney Spears is hot
45. I have cheated on a significant other in the past
46. I have a hidden talent
47. I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have
48. I think that I'm popular
49. I am currently single (no ring yet )
50. I have kissed someone of the same sex. (I kissed my grandma on the cheek the other day - ha ha)
51. I enjoy talking on the phone only if its someone I want to talk to
52. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants
53. I love to shop
54. I would rather eat than shop
55. I would classify myself as ghetto.
56. I'm bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders
57. I'm obsessed with my Blogger
58. I don't hate anyone
59. I'm a pretty good dancer
60. I don't think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington
61. I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother
62. I have a cell phone
63. I believe in God
64. I watch MTV on a daily basis
65. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months
66. I love drama
67. I have never been in a real relationship before
68. I've rejected someone before
69. I currently have a crush on someone
70. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life
71. I want to have children in the future
72. I have changed a diaper before (lots)
73. I've called the cops on a friend before
74. I bite my nails (sometimes)
75. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club
76. I'm not allergic to anything that I know of
77. I have a lot to learn
78. I have dated someone at least 10 years older or younger
79. I plan on seeing Ice Cube`s newest "Friday" movie
80. I am very shy around the opposite sex
81. I'm online 24/7, even as an away message
82. I have at least 5 away messages saved
83. IM an alcoholic
84. I have made a move on a friends significant other in the past
85. I own the "South Park" movie
86. I have avoided assignments at work to be on blogger
87. When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbour or chum
88. I enjoy some country music
89. I would die for one of my best friends
90. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza
91. I watch soap operas whenever I can
92. IM obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist
93. I have used my sexuality to advance my career
94. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all
95. I know all the words to Slick Rick's "Children's Story" (huh???)
96. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy
97. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it
98. I have dated a close friends ex

my grandma taking a nap - lol
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Thought For the Day

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.

He said, "My beloved grandson, the battle inside every person is between two wolves. One is Evil. It is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, selfpity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, false pride, and ego.

The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, compassion and faith."

The grandson thought for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf wins?"

The old Cherokee gently grasped the boy's shoulder and replied, "The one you feed."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Want to work for this guy?)

Wanted: completely perfect legs...

BUDAPEST (Reuters) - The mayor of one Budapest district wants female City Hall staff to wear miniskirts only if they have "completely perfect legs" and the skirts are no shorter than 2-3 centimetres (about 1 inch) above the knee.

Gabor Mitynan, a conservative who runs the wealthy 12th district, also wants male employees to wear blazers in summer, and told the Website (www.index.hu) the dress code was needed because he had seen staff dressed like beggars or vacationers.

Mitynan also dislikes crop tops -- popular in Budapest -- saying "few women have well-trained bellies worth showing to people" and wants the city to legislate on stocking thickness, proposing 5-10 denier for summer, 15 for spring and autumn and 20 for winter.

Mitynan is a rarity in Budapest's 23 mostly liberal and socialist districts, so his proposals stand almost no chance of being passed by the city assembly. Liberal Budapest Mayor Gabor Demszky described the proposals as "crass," according to the state news agency MTI.

Weekend

My mom, my brother and I all went to San Francisco (again! lol) this weekend. This time we went on a tour of Alcatraz Island. It was really cool, actually. My dad stayed back at my grandma's house, but I think he would have really liked the tour alot. It was a really nice day in San Francisco. It was nice and sunny, but boy it was cold on Alcatraz. When we were down in the Recreation Yard, the wind whipped through there and about froze me in my tracks - lol. It was brrrr! But there was a nice view of the Golden Gate Bridge through there and of San Francisco. I will write more about the trip on my other blog tomorrow. I am gonna go to bed now - lol. Me so sleepy. zzzzzz. I did post some pictures and postcards though for now.

went to Morro Bay over the weekend too - this is a postcard of course - lol - it was a little foggy on Saturday
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Ticket to Alcatraz Island - we had the audio tour - it is basically a self-guided tour, aided by a headset and headphones with an audio tape - it is really cool - cost: $16 for the adult audio tour - without audio it is $11
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The Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco, CA
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World's "cookedest" street - Lombard Strret in San Francisco, California - we drove down this street over the weekend - the street makes 8 turns in one block and is paved with red brick
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Postcard from Alcatraz Island - the tour was really cool :)
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Cyndi's little boy, Zach - isn't he just so cute?!?!
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My best friend Cyndi and her little boy, Zach - I love this picture!!!
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Cyndi's two boys, Gabrial and Zach :)
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