Random Fact of The Day

There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"Not everybody is comfortable with the idea of eating turkeys, which are, let's face it, living organisms, like dogs or celery. You may wonder: Is there a more humanitarian option that you can serve for Thanksgiving dinner? There certainly is: It's tofu, a semi-foodlike substance secreted by soybeans as a defense mechanism. Tofu can be used as a high-protein meat substitute, as well as a denture adhesive or tile grout. In its natural state, tofu is tasteless and odorless, but if you form it into a turkey-shaped lump, season it well, add gravy, and bake it for two hours in a shallow pan at 350 degrees, you can also use it for minor driveway repairs."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(What will people NOT drink??)

Beverage firm offers pea-flavored soda

SEATTLE (Reuters) - After introducing the world to new soda flavors like fish taco and salmon, Seattle specialty beverage maker Jones Soda Co. is offering a new flavor: Green pea.

Green pea, along with other unusual sodas such as turkey and gravy, dinner roll, sweet potato and antacid flavor, will be part of the company's $10 to $15 "holiday pack" of bottled drinks available nationwide.

Peter van Stolk, chief executive of Jones Soda, said on Monday the collection of strange-flavored sodas usually sells out quickly, even though he can not stomach the drinks. Past flavors included broccoli casserole, corn on the cob and Brussel sprout.

"Why people buy it is beyond me. I can't drink a bottle of this stuff," said van Stolk.

Jones Soda, which sells traditional sodas alongside more exotic flavors like fufu berry and green apple, first introduced the holiday soda pack in 2003, gaining notoriety for its turkey and gravy flavor soda.

"We have the market share leader in turkey-flavored beverages," said van Stolk. "We know we can't compete with Coke or Pepsi by playing their game, but we know they're not going to come out with a turkey flavor or antacid flavor."

Asked if there were any flavors that were off limits, van Stolk said he put his foot down when it came to curried chicken flavor.

"Fish taco was just nasty and we tried curried chicken. That was just wrong," he said.

Random Thought For The Evening

I heard on E! a few minutes ago that they have some poll going asking people to vote for their favorite Carter to watch. Asking me which is my favorite Carter to watch is like asking me which size of fork I would like to poke my eyes out with.

How about none????

Here comes the fog...here comes the fog, and I say, it's not all right!

Well fog season is officially here. It is a little after 11 am and it is still foggy outside. It was pretty dreary and drab all weekend long, too. Gosh, Bakersfield is just SO pretty in the winter.

It is a good thing I am a crappy sleeper since the power went out last night. I woke up and looked at my clock and it was blinking "3:24 am." When I turned on the light and looked at my watch, it was actually 5:50 am. I would have been SO late to work had I not woke up. I heard that South High School was actually closed this morning due to a power outage, and several schools were on a fog delay. Good thing my power was actually on this morning. I would have had a hard time seeing to get ready for work - hehe.

I had a dream last night that I couldn't fall asleep. Weird, huh? It's like when you have a dream that you were having a dream. Or am I the only one who has those sorts of dreams? Anyway, I thought that was kind of appropriate since I was, in fact, actually having a hard time falling asleep last night. The last time I looked at my clock before I fell asleep last night,it was 12:50 am, and I know I laid in bed for quite some time after that before falling asleep. Sunday nights suck like that.

I can't believe it is almost Thanksgiving. This year has gone by so fast. I am not really looking forward to the holidays though. We always spent at least one of the holidays (Thanksgiving or Christmas) with my grandma. Now that she is gone....I dunno. It just won't be the same without her I miss her. My mom said that if my cousin Debbie has a get-together at her house for Christmas, we might go up there. Otherwise, it will just be the 4 of us.

I want a nap! I am so sleepy.

Phobia of The Day

Agyrophobia: fear of streets or crossing the street

Random Fact of The Day

New York's Central Park is nearly twice the size of the entire country of Monaco.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"I applaud the World Toilet Organization for its efforts to improve the world's public toilets. I think this concept could be used in tourism advertising ('Korea - Come for the History: Stay for the Public Toilets'). You probably can't attend the summit, but you CAN take part in (I am STILL not making this up) World Toilet Day on November 19. Let's all take a few moments to observe this very special occasion. And then let's wash our hands."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Sometimes, it's just better to leave the freckles alone.)

Fishy freckle remover inflames Chinese consumers

BEIJING (Reuters) - China has banned TV ads for a freckle remover, touted as being so good it could remove spots from fish, when it not only killed fish but led to rashes, blisters and skin inflammation on the humans who tried it.

Advertisements promoting "Magic Freckle Removing Gel", produced by a Shanghai company, used a celebrity, bogus experts and fish to endorse the cosmetic, but fish exposed to the gel by a research institute later died from poisoning, the Beijing News said.

"(The institute) carried out a test washing the fish's spots in the gel. Two fish died successively on the third and sixth days," the paper said, citing an investigative report on Chinese state television.

Experts later found that three different fish had been used in the advertisement to make the cleanser appear effective, the paper said.

Claims that the cleanser was produced by an American company using "American technology" were also found to be false.

The gel used a plant-based compound often used in traditional Chinese medicine to reduce fever and phlegm, but its claim that it had spot-removing properties was "unscientific", the paper said.

"Not only can it not remove spots, it also has a certain amount of poison," the paper said.

Consumers in Shanghai, Beijing and several Chinese provinces had complained of "rashes, skin inflammation, blistering, coloured spots and other adverse reactions", after using the product, the paper said.

China's trade watchdog, the State Administration of Commerce and Industry, had banned the ad and ordered provincial offices to investigate, the paper said.

The advertisements were no longer on television, but Internet sales were still available, the paper said.

China is attempting to crack down on false and misleading advertising amid rising consumer fury stemming from a spate of recent health scares, but loose administration and approval procedures have resulted in a number of bogus and unsafe products going to market.

People Magazine got it all wrong....

THIS is what should have been on the cover...





Is there a doctor in the house? hehe

Phobia of The Day

Neopharmaphobia: fear of new drugs

Random Fact of The Day

In America in 1977, the punishment for smuggling marijiuana was 15 years less than the punishment for smuggling coffee.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"The only way to be sure you've killed all the bacteria in your Thanksgiving turkey is to cook it until a meat thermometer inserted into the breast melts, indicating that the turkey has attained the same internal temperature as the sun. 'Basically,' advises the surgeon general, 'you want to be serving your family a sixteen-pound charcoal briquette.' Even then you should keep a flamethrower handy."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(First it was snakes on a plane...)

Crocs found in man's bag at airport

MANILA, Philippines - A Filipino man who flew home from Cambodia said he was carrying live fish in his carryon luggage, until a check of the bag at Manila airport revealed three 1.5-foot long crocodiles, officials said Wednesday.

The head of the Manila International Airport Authority said it wasn't clear how Enrique Yu Castillo, 50, was able to carry the Siamese crocodiles from Phnom Penh to Singapore to Manila on Monday night.

The crocodiles are on an endangered species list and their importation is prohibited, airport manager Alfonso Cusi said in a statement.

He said charges were being readied against Castillo, while the reptiles were turned over to the Department of Environment and Natural Resources.

Castillo had earlier sought a permit to import the exotic animals but his application was denied, said Teddy Aguir, from the environment department's Wildlife Traffic Monitoring unit at the airport.

Airport authorities had been on a lookout for Castillo since last week, when the Protected Areas and Wildlife Bureau alerted them on the possibility that Castillo might try to sneak in the crocodiles, Aguir said.

Not saying I did it, but if I did it....

Just when I thought I have heard the stupidest thing ever, I hear something even more ridiculous. I heard that OJ Simpson is going to talk about the murders of his ex-wife and Ron Goldman. But he isn't going to talk about how the murders affected his life or how "shocked" he was to hear about them. No. He is going to tell people how he WOULD have killed them IF he had killed them. Ummmm......I don't know a whole lot, but even I know this is a really, REALLY stupid idea. I mean, if you were innocent of a crime (and no, I am not saying I think he is innocent - Hell, no), would you go on tv and write a book about how you would have killed people??

We all know OJ did it.

I am waiting for Kevin Federline's book to come out.... If I Had Talent, This Is What I Would Do With It.

Phobia of The Day

Cardiophobia: Fear of the heart

Random Fact of The Day

A hedgehog's heart beats 300 times a minute on average.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"An alert reader brought to my attention the World Toilet Organization, a group dedicated to improving the world's public toilets, with a website at worldtoilet.org. ('Org' is a sound made by many of the world's public toilets.) The site features some 'hot topics' presented at their World Toilet Summit including 'Toilets as Tourism Attraction,' 'Toilets as Marketing Tools,' and 'Generating Revenue Through Advertisements in Good Toilets.' I think the World Toilet Summit is a great idea, because most of the world's public toilets, in a word, stink. I'm not saying the United States is perfect in this department. We've made some serious mistakes, the worst being the introduction of 'low-flow' toilets, which clog when asked to handle anything larger than, say, a molecule."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Now, I'm not saying I did it, but....)

O.J. Simpson to discuss killings

LOS ANGELES - Fox plans to broadcast an interview with O.J. Simpson in which the former football star discusses "how he would have committed" the slayings of his ex-wife and her friend, for which he was acquitted, the network said.

The two-part interview, titled "O.J. Simpson: If I Did It, Here's How It Happened," will air Nov. 27 and Nov. 29, the TV network said.

Simpson has agreed to an "unrestricted" interview with book publisher Judith Regan, Fox said.

"O.J. Simpson, in his own words, tells for the first time how he would have committed the murders if he were the one responsible for the crimes," the network said in a statement. "In the two-part event, Simpson describes how he would have carried out the murders he has vehemently denied committing for over a decade."

The interview will air days before Simpson's new book, "If I Did It," goes on sale Nov. 30. The book, published by Regan, "hypothetically describes how the murders would have been committed."

In a video clip on the network's Web site, an off-screen interviewer says to Simpson, "You wrote 'I have never seen so much blood in my life.'"

"I don't think any two people could be murdered without everybody being covered in blood," Simpson responds.

Simpson, who now lives in Florida, was acquitted in a criminal trial of the 1994 killings of his ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson, and her friend Ronald Goldman. Simpson was later found liable in 1997 in a wrongful death lawsuit filed by the Goldman family.

Messages left with Simpson and his attorney Yale Galanter were not immediately returned.

Phobia of The Day

Papyrophobia: fear of paper

Random Fact of The Day

It takes about 63,000 trees to make the newsprint for the average Sunday edition of The New York Times.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"For all the flaws of America's public toilets, they stand head and shoulders above those of much of the rest of the world. In parts of Europe, when you enter a public restroom, you often find yourself face-to-face with some hideous dripping slime-covered contraption originally built by Vikings out of petrified mastodon bones. And as if that's not scary enough, sometimes there's a lurking 'attendant' who might belong to a completely different gender from yourself, and who expects you to tip her even though it's clear that neither she nor anybody else has ever actually cleaned the restroom, as evidenced by the presence of bacteria the size of wolverines."

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"For all the flaws of America's public toilets, they stand head and shoulders above those of much of the rest of the world. In parts of Europe, when you enter a public restroom, you often find yourself face-to-face with some hideous dripping slime-covered contraption originally built by Vikings out of petrified mastodon bones. And as if that's not scary enough, sometimes there's a lurking 'attendant' who might belong to a completely different gender from yourself, and who expects you to tip her even though it's clear that neither she nor anybody else has ever actually cleaned the restroom, as evidenced by the presence of bacteria the size of wolverines."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(They don't call him Quick Draw for nothing.)

Car salesman's quick draw foils robbery

KNOXVILLE, Tenn. - The bandit should have paid closer attention to the used car salesman's "Friends of the NRA" ball cap before pulling his gun. Auto dealer Greg "Lumpy" Lambert, a Knox County commissioner, said a young man walked onto his sales lot Saturday and was determined to buy a 2005 Ford Focus.

Lambert said he became suspicious during the test drive when the man didn't want to haggle over price or even ask for a mechanical inspection.

Presented with the sales paperwork, the man pulled a .25-caliber handgun from his pocket, apparently to rob him, the commissioner said.

Lambert, a National Rifle Association member who has a ball cap from the group and has offered free rifles with car purchases in the past, was ready with his own .380-caliber pistol.

"I think we probably leveled our sights close to the same time," Lambert said. "I think I got a bit of a drop on him. I told him to drop his weapon, and he said he didn't want trouble."

The suspect fled, but left behind his driver's license.

Kane Stackhouse, 19, was charged Sunday with attempted aggravated robbery and was being held in jail with bond set at $15,000 bond, the Knox County Sheriff's office said.

Lambert acknowledged the suspect never asked for money or made demands.

"I didn't give him a chance to," Lambert said. "It was a tense situation, and a little scary."

___

Information from: The Knoxville News Sentinel, http://www.knoxnews.com

Stuff (I know...it is just SUCH a creative title)

Well, here it is, Monday again. We were supposed to get a new worker today, but for some unknown reason, she unexpectedly resigned this morning. I don't know what happened, but I hope she is ok. I got her cases, so I have been working on cases all day. Big fun. One thing about this job is that it is never boring - hehe.

Nothing much happened over the weekend. It was supposed to rain on Saturday, but I didn't see much, if any, rain. The winter is a'coming though. It is getting colder and colder. The highs are in the 60's and lows in the 40's. And pretty soon, the fog will come, bringing with it bad drivers everywhere. 'Tis the accident season.

I did get to work with Photoshop some more. Here is a little turkey I made (since it is almost Turkey Day and all)...




Ain't he cute? I just love Photoshop.

It's back to work time. Blah.

Caption This!

If someone sings "Row, row, row your boat" to me one more time, I am gonna row, row, row my boat straight up his ass.

Post your own funny caption in a comment if you wanna.

Phobia of The Day

Telephonophobia: fear of telephones

Random Fact of The Day

The first telephone book was one page long and had only 50 names in it.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"Public restrooms should be clearly marked with signs that say MEN or WOMEN. If there have to be symbols instead of words, the man symbol should clearly be a man, and the woman symbol should clearly be a woman wearing a giant, unattractive 'A-line' style skirt. Theme restaurants should NOT use cutesy names like 'Sheilas,' 'Caballeros,' 'Colleens,' 'Galoots,' etc; nor should they use ambiguous drawings that can be misunderstood in dim lighting by a person who has a couple of vodka gimlets and thus finds himself barging into the ladies' room, not that I have done this more than twice."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Maybe he was out of stamps.)

Absentee Florida ballot sent with precious stamp

MIAMI (Reuters) - A Florida voter may have unwittingly lost hundreds of thousands of dollars by using an extremely rare stamp to mail an absentee ballot in Tuesday's congressional election, a government official said on Friday.

The 1918 Inverted Jenny stamp, which takes its name from an image of a biplane accidentally printed upside-down, turned up on Tuesday night in Fort Lauderdale, where election officials were inspecting ballots from parts of south Florida, Broward County Commissioner John Rodstrom told Reuters.

Only 100 of the stamps have ever been found, making them one of the top prizes of all philately.

Rodstrom, a member of the county's Canvassing Board, said he spotted the red and blue Inverted Jenny on a large envelope with two stamps from the 1930s and another dating to World War Two.

The nominal value of the four vintage U.S. Post Office stamps was 87 cents, he said.

"I thought, 'Oh my God, I know that stamp, I've seen that stamp before,'" said Rodstrom, 54, who dabbled in stamp collecting as a boy. "I'd forgotten the name. I just remembered there was a stamp with an upside-down biplane on it and that it was a very rare, rare stamp."

Rodstrom said he did not examine the envelope's postmark, but it had no return address and the ballot was disqualified because it gave no clue as to the identity of the voter.

Election officials have been too busy certifying the outcome of Tuesday's race to have the stamp authenticated, Rodstrom said.

A block of four of the stamps sold for almost $3 million last year, however, and Rodstrom said the one that turned up Tuesday night could fetch about $500,000 for Broward County at auction.

"It's now government property," he said.

A postmark on a stamp usually would hurt its value but Rodstrom said the story behind this one -- plus the fact that it is joined by other old stamps on the envelope -- might actually increase its worth.

Rodstrom said he doubted the stamp would ever be handed over to someone claiming to have mailed it inadvertently.

"It would be hard to prove, I guess you would have to say it was a person who had Alzheimer's," he said.

Phobia of The Day

Syngenesophobia: fear of relatives

Random Fact of The Day

Tug of War was an Olympic event between 1900 and 1920.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"It is a tragic but true statistical fact that every Thanksgiving, undercooked turkeys claim the lives of an estimated 53 billion Americans (source: Dan Rather). Sometimes the cause is deadly bacteria; sometimes - in cases of extreme undercooking - the turkey actually springs up from the carving platter and pecks the would-be carver to death."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Paper covers rock...scissors cut paper...rock breaks scissors...or something like that.)

Hundreds to compete for rock, paper, scissors title

TORONTO (Reuters) - Think rock, paper, scissors is a children's game? Think again. Top players from around the globe will gather in Toronto this weekend to compete for a C$10,000 (4,636 pounds) prize and the title of world champion.

More than 500 contestants, including national champions from Australia, Norway and New Zealand, are expected to attend.

Tournament organizer Graham Walker said players will have to steel themselves against psychological pressure as players typically form teams to rally each other.

"The team will surround the arena, provide moral support and usually try to intimidate the opponent," said Walker, who is also co-author of "The Official Rock Paper Scissors Guide."

The simple game is often used to make decisions and resolve basic conflicts.

Author Ian Fleming had his fictional secret agent James Bond play the game in Japan, in "You Only Live Twice."

Players smack their fists into their palms and count to three before making one of three hand signals: a fist (rock), flat hand (paper) or two fingers (scissors). Paper covers rock, scissors cut paper and rock breaks scissors.

Enthusiasts disagree about the history of the game, but it is believed to have been played for centuries in Japan.

The Paper Scissors Stone Club was founded in England in 1842 and provided an environment free from the long arm of the law where enthusiasts could come together and play for honour, according to the World RPS (Rock Paper Scissors) Society Web page (www.worldrps.com).

In 1918, the name was changed to World RPS Club to reflect the growing international representation and its headquarters moved from London to Toronto. In 1925 its membership topped 10,000.

The world championships have been held since 2002.

Phobia of The Day

Sinistrophobia: fear of things to the left

Random Fact of The Day

Bats always turn left when exiting a cave.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"I am not a fan of those high-tech public toilets with the automatic sensors that either (a) become overexcited and flush themselves thirty-seven times before you even sit down, or (b) lapse into a coma, so that when you're done you find yourself waving your arms like a lunatic and loudly remarking, 'Well, I'm done!' in an effort to revive your toilet so it will flush and you can leave, while the people waiting in the stall wonder what kind of sick pervert thing you are doing in there."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(When you look up "stupid" in a dictionary, chances are, you will see this man's face.)

Man decides to speed in jail parking lot

STOCK ISLAND, Fla. - A Marathon man reportedly driving with a suspended license and carrying drugs picked the wrong place to speed: the parking lot of the Monroe County jail.

Deputies stopped Alvin Dean, 42, on Monday night after seeing a 2003 Dodge Caravan speed into the parking lot, The Key West Citizen reported.

Dean was allegedly carrying drugs in his pockets and charged with possessing marijuana, cocaine and drug paraphernalia. He was also issued a warning for speeding before being booked into the nearby jail.

Caption This!

Kevin Federline in 2 years.

post your own funny caption in a comment if you wanna.

No surprises here...

Well, it finally happened. Britney Spears finally came to her senses and dumped that piece of trash, K-Fed. Not that comes as any surprise. Of course, it made all the headlines...Britney Spears Files For Divorce...Britney Dumps Kevin...etc. I just feel sorry for their kids. With a mom who dresses like a hooker and a dad who thinks he's a pimp, they are going to have an INTERESTING childhood, to say the least. Well at now at least Kevin can work on his "music" and his "acting career." God help us all.

Phobia of The Day

Parthenophobia: fear of virgins or young girls

Random Fact of The Day

A human baby is born with 300 bones. On the average, by the time he has reached adulthood, he will have only 206 bones. This is due to the fact that many small bones fuse together to form a single bone structure during the child's growth.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"The idea there was that consumers would bring their broken electronic devices, such as television sets and VCR's, to the destruction centers, where trained personnel would whack them (the devices) with sledgehammers. With their devices thus permanently destroyed, consumers would then be free to go out and buy new devices, rather than have to fritter away years of their lives trying to have the old ones repaired at so-called factory service centers, which in fact consist of two men named Lester poking at the insides of broken electronic devices with cheap cigars and going, Lookit all them WIRES in there!"

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Next week, they are gonna do a study on the effects of toilet paper on the butt.)

Duct tape no magical cure for warts

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Duct tape does not work any better than doing nothing to cure warts in schoolchildren, Dutch researchers reported on Monday in a study that contradicts a popular theory about an easy way to get rid of the unattractive lumps.

The study of 103 children aged 4 to 12 showed the duct tape worked only slightly better than using a corn pad, a sticky cushion that does not actually touch the wart and which was considered to be a placebo.

"After 6 weeks, the warts of 8 children (16 percent) in the duct tape group and the warts of 3 children (6 percent) in the placebo group had disappeared," the researchers wrote in the Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine.

They said this difference was not statistically significant.

In addition, some of the children who wore duct tape reported itching, rashes and other effects, although none of the children who wore corn pads did.

The researchers, led by Dr. Marloes de Haen of Maastricht University, expressed disappointment with their findings.

Warts are caused by a virus in the skin, and often clear up on their own. They can also be frozen off in a treatment called cryotherapy, or burned off chemically using a strong formulation of salicylic acid.

"Considering the serious discomfort of cryotherapy and the awkwardness of applying salicylic acid for a long time, simply applying tape would be a cheap and helpful alternative, especially in children," de Haen's team wrote.

In 2002, Dr. Dean Focht of Madigan Army Medical Center in Tacoma, Washington and colleagues reported in the same journal that using duct tape on warts worked better than cryotherapy.

The idea of using duct tape to treat warts quickly became common wisdom and is advocated widely on the Internet.

The Dutch researchers said that Focht's team did not actually examine their patients to determine if the warts had disappeared, but called them on the telephone to ask.

It's Quiz time, people

Take My Quiz, Or I Will Kick You In The Nuts! Take my quiz! Take This Quiz See Scores Make Own Quiz

It's like, unfair, ya'll

I heard something hilarious yesterday. I heard that a judge dismissed Britney Spears's lawsuit against some magazine, saying that publishing an article saying that Kevin and Britney made a sex tape was not defamatory to them. No...the judge dismissing the case was not the hilarious part. The hilarious part was the fact that they filed this lawsuit in the first place. I think the two of them have made asses enough of themselves on that piece of crap "reality" show Chaotic, to tarnish their image for the rest of kingdom come. How can you tarnish an image that is already tarnished to begin with? That is kind of like puking on a big puke stain that has already set in your carpet (ok, that was kind of gross, but have you seen Chaotic????) Perhaps Britney and Kevin should sue themselves for making that pile of crap show. Perhaps they should adopt some foreign babies and do work in Cambodia and Africa to make people forget that they were ever so crazy and trashy. Hey, it worked for Angelina Jolie.

I also heard something yesterday that pissed me off. I heard that stupid Rush Limbaugh said that Michael J Fox was just acting when he did that commercial about stem cell research and that he was exaggerating the effects of the disease and was probably off his meds. (OK, I had heard this before, but was too pissed about it at the time to write about it). Excuse me, Mr Dumbass, but Michael J Fox has Parkinson's Disease, and there is nothing funny about that. Even with meds, it doesn't make you all better. For example, I am sure if there was a pill to cure Foot-In-The-Mouth Syndrome, I am sure, even with the highest dose possible, Rush would still end up sounding like a jackass every now and then. How can somebody be so damned ignorant? I suppose Rush was just acting like a jackass when he said that. Or maybe it is the after effects of all those Oxycontin pills he took. Any way you look at it, Rush Limbaugh has proven, once again, that he is a total idiot.

I would like to slap his big, puffy, red face....and then have Michael J Fox take away all his painkillers....and then we could sit back, have a cold drink and watch him cry.

Phobia of The Day

Decidophobia: fear of making decisions

Random Fact of The Day

President George W. Bush was once a cheerleader.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"The question is, why are politicians so eager to be president? What is it about the job that makes it worth revealing, on national television, that you have the ethical standards of a slime-coated piece of industrial waste?"

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Forget about tarnishing your image. It's already been there, done that.)

Judge dismisses Spears' suit against mag

LOS ANGELES - A judge has thrown out Britney Spears' lawsuit against celebrity magazine Us Weekly, ruling the pop star cannot be defamed by published rumors that she and her husband had made a sex tape and were worried about its release.

Superior Court Judge Lisa Hart Cole said Spears has "put her modern sexuality squarely, and profitably, before the public eye" and it would be unlikely for the magazine article to be found defamatory.

Her decision to dismiss the $10 million lawsuit filed last year did not address whether the October 2005 story was true or false.

"The issue is whether it is defamatory to state that a husband and wife taped themselves engaging in consensual sex," Cole wrote in the decision issued last week. "The backdrop against which this issue must be addressed is that the plaintiff has publicly portrayed herself in a sexual way in her performances, in published photographs and in a reality show."

Spears' lawyer, Martin Singer, did not return a call Monday seeking comment.

Us said in a statement it stood by its reporting and was pleased with the decision.

The lawsuit stemmed from an article published Oct. 17, 2005, in the magazine's "Hot Stuff" column under the headline, "Brit & Kev: Secret Sex Tape? New parents have a new worry: racy footage from 2004."

It claimed Spears and her husband, Kevin Federline, feared the release of a secret sex tape, which they had viewed with their estate planning lawyers. The article said that Spears gave a copy of the tape to lawyers on Sept. 30 and she and Federline were "acting goofy the whole time" while watching the video.

"There was no laughter, disgust or goofy behavior while watching the video in the company of lawyers because they did not watch any video, and because there is no such video," the lawsuit said.

Spears sued after Us refused to issue a retraction.

Spears, 24, married Federline, 28, in 2004. They have a 1-year-old son, Sean Preston, and an infant son, who was born Sept. 12. The couple have not confirmed the infant's name, which is reportedly Jayden James.

Federline has two children from a previous relationship.

I like Paintshop but I LOVE Photoshop

Over the weekend, I was playing around with Photoshop CS, and have come to love the program. I used to be a die-hard Paintshop fan, but Photoshop is growing on me. I love it! The only drawback is that it uses up a lot of memory and can make your computer lag (nothing that a little memory upgrade can't fix - hehe). I made a few things this weekend....a little snowman, a reindeer, a few Christmas trees ('tis nearly the season, ya know!) and I updated my Myspace pagewith cute little bees, flowers and beehives (that I also made up on Photoshop ... a few with the help of Paintshop, too). I like Paintshop because of its font viewer (gives a preview of the font in a box) and because how easy it is to texturize layers (I still haven't mastered Photoshop's texture feature yet). But Photoshop has a big edge over Paintshop because of how easy it is to use their actions. You can make a circle shape look like glass or gel or fabric, etc, with the click of one button. I made a Thanksgiving turkey using the felt feature and it came out so cute Photoshop also takes the cake when editing photos (getting rid of scratches, red-eye, etc). I will have to post some examples of stuff I made later on. The bees on my main Myspace page are some of my first attempts at making stuff on Photoshop. Oh yeah...having Animation Shop is also cool cuz you can make animated stuff as well....even though it is kinda time consuming to do it. But, hey, I have nothing else to do

If I had to pick one program over the other to recommend to someone, I might pick Paintshop, only because it seems to be more user-friendly. I had to buy a book on Photoshop (Photoshop CS For Dummies - lol). Plus Paintshop is a lot cheaper! (Paintshop is around $100 while Photoshop can run you anywhere from $300-$600...but you can get a free trial for 30 days for both programs). But I love both, and I have both programs. There is also Photoshop Elements, which is a great photo editor, but lacks the action tools that Photoshop CS has. It, too, is cheaper than Photoshop. It will only set you back about $30-$150 (depending on which version you get). Of course, I have that program too - lol. It came with my Wacom Drawing Tablet. It is a super easy program to use, and not nearly as daunting as Photoshop CS.

Now, if I could only find some way to use them while I am at work. That would be even better! But, somehow, I think my bosses would frown upon that

(yeah, I know this was a computer-geek blog entry, but so what! It is my blog. Whatevah. I do what I want!)

Since voting day is nearly here...

Your Vote Score: 42% Republican, 58% Democrat

You are truly an independent voter, and you don't fit well with either party. Maybe you should choose one issue to vote on - or look into third parties!

Should You Vote Republican or Democrat?

Caption This!

Why, oh why, didn't I just take that job at McDonald's?

post your own funny caption in a comment if you wanna.

Phobia of The Day

Ereuthophobia: fear of blushing or of the color red

Random fact of The Day

When your face blushes, the lining of your stomach turns red, too.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"So the documentary-makers stick with sharks. Generally, their procedure is to scatter bleeding fish pieces around their boat, so as to infest the waters. I would estimate that the primary food source of sharks today is bleeding fish pieces scattered by people making documentaries. Once the sharks arrive, they are generally fairly listless. The general shark attitude seems to be: Oh God, another documentary. So the divers have to somehow goad them into attacking, under the guise of Scientific Research. We know very little about the effect of electricity on sharks, the narrator will say, in a deeply scientific voice. That is why Todd is going to jab this Great White in the testicles with a cattle prod. The divers keep this kind of thing up until the shark finally gets irritated and snaps at them, and then they act as though this was a totally unexpected and very dangerous development, although clearly it is what they wanted all along."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(I think I just lost my appetite.)

Nude couple's feud ends at Waffle House

NASHVILLE, Tenn. - No shirt, no service? What about no clothes at all? A couple that began squabbling in a motel room Friday morning carried their dispute over to an adjacent Waffle House restaurant in the nude, police said.

The woman, who was not identified, told officers she was staying in a room with Larry Boyd when he took a hit of cocaine, started trashing their room and choked her.

She ran in the buff to the nearby restaurant and locked herself in the bathroom. Boyd, also naked, followed her into the restaurant and then fled in a car.

He was arrested — still naked — after a short chase by police and was charged with driving under the influence and felony evading arrest, among other charges. It was not immediately clear whether he had an attorney.

Gno mo' gnomes!

I am not sure whether I am more disturbed by Travelocity's roaming lawn gnome or by their new idea of dressing some dude up with a pointy hat to look like a gnome....(shudders). Gnomes creep me out!

Don't know how accurate this is...

but I am posting it anyway - hehe

HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 438 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

No, lupus doesn't mean you are loopy...

So, training class is officially over as of 1 pm today, and I will be back at my old desk full time come Monday. I know it is just odd that I am happy about having my old desk back, but I am. Of course, I would be even happier if I had every other week off, but we can't have everything, can we?

I went to my rheumatologist today for my normal visit. The PA, the person I normally see, is out until January or February of next year due to health issues, so I saw Dr Kim today. He is a nice guy. Really nice. I told him all about my knee issue but he isn't gonna make me have any injections or anything just yet. He said, basically, once you start injecting cortisone into the joints, it goes downhill from there, and he really wants to avoid any early knee replacements or further bone damage (since cortisone injections can destroy bone). I totally agreed with him - lol. I sure don't want any shots or crap like that. I don't like pain! But he said it may be inevitable down the road. I think I can hold off going down that road for a while....a long while.

He did give me a piece of news that I really did not want to hear. For years, the doctor has been labeling what I have as inflammatory arthritis. But, from the test results and the fact that I always run a low-grade fever and from my consistent low white blood cell counts, he has determined that it is lupus and not inflammatory arthritis as I have been told all this time. But, then Lupus is hard to diagnose and can take years to diagnose, from what I have read. I have been taking Plaquenil for quite some time, and he said as long as I stay on that medication, I should be fine. Still, I think I would rather have the arthritis than lupus - lol. I dunno. It is probably all similar anyway. But still.....

So, I am a bit bummed about that, but there isn't anything I can do about it, since there is no cure for the crap. Blah blah blah. I sound like a whiner, I know. Part of me is relieved in a way, knowing now what it is instead of all this uncertainty. Things could be worse, I know.

I could be held hostage in an 8x8 room, strapped to a chair and being forced to watch Steven Seagal movies 24/7.

That would be WAY worse!

Phobia of The Day

Methyphobia: fear of alcohol

Random Fact of The Day

The Japanese liquor, Mam, uses venomous snakes as one of its main engredients.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever walk around? If so, you probably have the makings of an excellent legal case. Although of course every case is different, I would definitely say that based on my experience and training, there's no reason why you shouldn't come out of this thing with at least a cabin cruiser. Remember, at the Preston A. Mantis Consumers Retail Law Outlet, our motto is: 'It is very difficult to disprove certain kinds of pain.'"

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Bigger is better!)

Size matters for makers of Aussie "Wonderjock"

SYDNEY, Nov 2 (Reuters Life!) - Size really does count, just ask Australian underwear maker AussieBum which has just launched the "Wonderjock" for men who want to look bigger.

Since the launch seven days ago, AussieBum says it has sold 50,000 pairs of "Wonderjock", mostly on its Web site www.aussiebum.com and a handful of stores around the world.

"The design of the underwear, separates and lifts. The fabric cup protrudes everything out in front instead of down towards the ground," said "Wonderjock" designer Sean Ashby.

"There is no padding, rings or strings," said Ashby, a co-founder of the Internet-based AussieBum firm.

Ashby said the idea for the "Wonderjock" was the result of online feedback from customers who expressed an interest in looking bigger, just like women using the "Wonderbra".

"When you go to a department store to buy underwear you usually get a grandmother serving, which is not the ideal way to get feedback," said Ashby. "Our customers give us feedback. We didn't realise that big is better."

Halloween Happenings

Well, Halloween came and went without too much fuss. I had a grand total of 5 trick or treaters last night...yes.....5. So, that means I have a lot of candy left over - hehe. I went and bought a pumpkin, as is my tradition on Halloween, and carved it while watching scary movies. Last night's movie was Stay Alive, as so generously loaned to me by my good pal Kia. It was a good, bloody movie...perfect for Halloween. I was totally bummed out that I couldn't stay awake long enough to watch all of Ghost Hunters last night. Grrrr. I was simply too tired, despite the Coca Cola I drank at 9 pm. Caffeine does nothing to keep me awake. Hopefully, they will re-run it in the future sometime. Anyway, there is another episode of Ghost Hunters tonight for me to watch

The training class is nearly over. They all took their final today and, I am happy to say, they all passed. I go back to my old desk tomorrow afternoon, and I will be happy to be back at "home." It is too cold in the morning in this room! BRRRR!!!!

Again on a totally unrelated note...I was watching Freddy Vs Jason last night (yes, AGAIN, as if once wasn't enough) and was thinking.....didn't Jason X come out before Freddy Vs Jason? I am sure it did. So they went into the future and Jason was around then....so obviously Jason survived the whole Freddy ordeal, which kind of ruins the ending of Freddy Vs Jason (not that the ending is all that unexpected anyway since the bastard never dies!) Nevermind. I am trying to put logic into a Jason movie, and we all know trying to put logic into a Jason or Freddy movie is like trying to make Steven Seagal look like a master thespian. It is impossible!

I think wayyyyyyy too much.

Phobia of The Day

Urophobia: fear of urine or urinating

Random Fact of The Day

In many countries, urine was used as a detergent for washing.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"Let's talk about how to fill out your 1984 tax return. Here's an often overlooked accounting technique that can save you thousands of dollars: For several days before you put it in the mail, carry your tax return around under your armpit. No IRS agent is going to want to spend hours poring over a sweat-stained document. So even if you owe money, you can put in for an enormous refund and the agent will probably give it to you, just to avoid an audit. What does he care? It's not his money."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Paranoid much?)

Masked robbers revealed as costumed children

BERLIN (Reuters) - Two sharp-eyed Germans saw what they thought were masked bank robbers in a car with tinted windows in front of a bank and called police, but the occupants turned out not to be thieves but children in Halloween masks.

The two women in the small northern town of Bad Zwischenahn separately spotted the vehicle, police said Monday. But it took off before police arrived.

Authorities picked it up two hours later and detained the driver and three passengers -- children in Halloween costumes.

"We got a call that there were 'masked people in front of a bank' and assumed it was a hold-up," officer Juergen Harms said. "After we brought the man and the children in ... we were able to quickly establish it was a case of mistaken identity."

"It was hard for the witnesses to see that it was three children wearing Halloween masks," Harms said, adding police had thanked the women for being observant.

Happy Halloween!

Caption This!

Where's Waldo?

post your own funny caption in a comment if you wanna.

Phobia of The Day

Bacteriophobia: fear of bacteria

Random Fact of The Day

Perspiration is odorless; it is the bacteria on the skin that creates an odor.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"Dogs would make totally incompetent criminals. If you could somehow get a group of dogs to understand the concept of the Kennedy assassination, they would all immediately confess to it. Whereas you'll never see a cat display any kind of guilty behavior, despite the fact that several cats were seen in Dallas on the grassy knoll area, not that I wish to start rumors."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Sorry. Wrong number.)

Mayor mistakenly hands out sex number

EDMOND, Okla. - The mayor personally distributed thousands of fliers discouraging underage drinking only to find they mistakenly contained the phone number for a sex talk line.

Edmond Mayor Saundra Naifeh and more than five dozen volunteers went door-to-door Saturday to deliver 22,000 fliers. The city attorney notified Naifeh Saturday night after the police department learned of the mistake.

"Obviously, it made me feel sick," Naifeh said. "I had a blister on one foot (from going door-to-door) when the city attorney told me the number was wrong. I have no idea how the error happened."

Callers dialing the number were promised "exciting live talk" if they called a second number offering provocative telephone conversations or text messages costing 99 cents to $2.99 a minute.

City Manager Larry Stevens called the wrong listing an inadvertent error that occurred when the card was designed by the Oklahoma Department of Mental Health and Substance Abuse Services.

Naifeh said writing a story identifying the nature of the wrong telephone number was sensationalism and tabloid news.

"It will change the focus of what we were doing," she said. "It is not part of the story."

Naifeh had chosen the campaign to fight underage drinking as Edmond's contribution to Make A Difference Day, a national day set aside to help neighbors and the community.

___

Information from: The Oklahoman, http://www.newsok.com

Happy Halloween from Peanut :)

Boo to You

Phobia of The Day

Samhainophobia: fear of Halloween

Random Fact of The Day

Halloween is also called Pooky Night in some parts of Ireland, presumably named after the púca, a mischievous spirit.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"All you have to do to see the accuracy of my thesis is look around you. Look, in particular, at the people who, like you, are making average incomes for doing average jobs - bank vice presidents, insurance salesmen, auditors, secretaries of defense - and you'll realize they all dress the same way, essentially the way the mannequins in the Sears menswear department dress. Now look at the real successes, the people who make a lot more money than you - Elton John, Captain Kangaroo, anybody from Saudi Arabia, Big Bird, and so on. They all dress funny - and they all succeed. Are you catching on?"

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Boo to you.)

"New" holiday called Halloween

TOKYO (Reuters) - Ghosties and ghoulies, princesses and pumpkins took to the streets of Tokyo this weekend as Japan celebrated one of its newest festivals -- Halloween.

Little known two decades ago, Halloween has spread in cities such as Tokyo, where autumn now sees florists selling pumpkins, shopping arcades festooned with paper Jack o'lanterns -- and even black-and-orange costumes for dogs on offer at pet shops.

Halloween, as Japan now knows it, is unabashedly American, and few Japanese know much about its origins.

"It's a time to dress up and have fun," said Yukiko Kobayashi, 34, whose 4-year-old daughter Kao wore a princess costume while watching a Halloween parade at Tokyo Disneyland.

Shunsuke Fujita, a 7-year-old dressed as a ghost at a Sunday Halloween parade, said: "It's a festival for ghosts, and it's fun because we get candy."

The festival's roots in All Hallow's Eve -- the day before All Saint's day, which commemorates the death of Christian martyrs -- resemble a traditional Japanese Buddhist holiday known as Obon.

But the three days in August when Japanese spirits are believed to return to earth are a mostly solemn time when families visit cemeteries to honor their ancestors.

"Halloween, like Christmas here, has no connection to religion," said Takayo Yamamoto at Hakuhodo Inc. Institute of Life and Living.

"It's all promotion for toyshops, florists and candy stores."

Most people trace the start of Halloween in Japan to Tokyo Disneyland, which opened in 1983. The same year, a Tokyo toy store sponsored the first "Harajuku Pumpkin Parade," now an annual event in a Tokyo shopping area popular with youth.

Merchandisers have seized on Halloween as a welcome oasis in a long dry stretch from the summer holidays to Christmas.

"After all, in October there's nothing else to catch anybody's attention," said Masako Asaji, who has filled her restaurant's window with tiny Jack o'lanterns.

Some shops put up Halloween decorations in early September.

"When we first started with Halloween, we only had a one-day event, since people didn't really get the idea," said Hiroshi Suzuki of Oriental Land Co. Ltd, which runs Disneyland.

This year, though, Tokyo Disneyland began its daily Halloween parade on September 12, three days before Disney World in Florida.

"It's a good way to bring in customers," Suzuki said.

Thousands packed the park one recent weekday to scream and shout as skeletons and Disney characters dressed in Halloween costumes cavorted. Vendors sold treats with a Japanese twist: sweets made from pumpkin and sweet red bean paste.

The number of Japanese marking Halloween is still tiny and few engage in the American custom of "trick-or-treating" -- going door to door to collect sweets.

But awareness of the holiday is growing. A recent survey showed some three-fourths of Japanese had heard of the holiday.

For Japanese youth, some of whom already engage in the hobby of "cosplay," dressing up as characters from "manga" comics or "anime" cartoons, Halloween is another chance for fantasy fun.

"Halloween is a time when you can do whatever you want," said Rie Kakuda, 20-year-old florist dressed as a princess in an ankle-length dress with ruffles at Disneyland. "You're free."

Random rantings of a sick mind

'Tis the season to get sick. (cough cough) I was sick all weekend. I did nothing but lounge around my apartment in my pjs over the weekend. And I came home from work early today and canceled my physical therapy appointment cuz I felt like total crapola. I still feel icky, but the Benadryl did help stop the sneezes. I took a nap from like 3 to 6 today, and I will probably go to bed early tonight. Blah. I hate being sick!

I only have like 2 physical therapy sessions left, and frankly, I am glad. The therapist's office is out on Stockdale Highway and it takes me nearly a half an hour to drive out there since the traffic is always crappy out that way. And it hasn't done much good, to be honest. I am still having the same pain issues that I had before I started. But the therapist said that he can only treat the symptoms and not the cause. He did say it felt like there was fluid in my knee....and I know what that means. Ugh. I hate the idea of having needles in it to drain it, but if it needs to be done, then there is nothing I can do about it.

I only have a few more days in the training classroom and then I go back to my old desk....my home sweet other home-away-from-home. I am taking 2 trainees with me to the training unit so I can inflict more pain upon them as they continue to train with me - hehe. Just kidding. I am not THAT mean. I will be glad to be back at my desk and away from Powerpoint presentations - blah. Those put me to sleep!

On a totally unrelated point, I was watching Jason Vs Freddy the other day on tv (yeah - there was nothing else on) and there was a part where Freddy uses water to scare Jason, since he is supposedly afraid of water and won't go near it. Yet, in Friday the 13th The Final Chapter (yeah, that title is misleading), Jason kills not one, but two people in the lake. And he was in the water. IN it. Yet he won't go near water in Jason Vs Freddy. Exactly when did Jason develop hydrophobia?? In part 5...part 6??

I know, I know. I think too much.

Stupid movies - grrr.

Phobia of The Day

Anemophobia: fear of air drafts or wind

Random Fact of The Day

The Earth's atmosphere weighs about 5.5 quadrillion tons.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"USER: n.: The word computer professionals use when they mean idiot."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Now which one makes it stop?)

Driving test comes to crashing halt

PORTAGE, Ind. - A young woman's goal of getting her driver's license crashed this week — right into the license branch. The 20-year-old woman was pulling into a parking spot outside the license branch when she hit the accelerator instead of the brake, Assistant Fire Chief Mike Bucy said.

The car jumped a small curb and went into the building about 1:30 p.m. Tuesday, tearing out a large glass window and damaging a door and low brick wall.

Neither the driver nor the examiner, who weren't identified, were injured. Bucy said a person in the building sustained a hip injury and was examined by emergency medical personnel but declined to be taken to the hospital.

The driver's car had damage to its hood and fenders.

Amazing Travel manager Susan Williams said she thought something had exploded next door.

"We jumped up and we went to the door and saw the car half in and half out of the license bureau," Williams said.

The building was closed for the remainder of the day, but reopened Wednesday.

The young driver, meanwhile, failed the test.

"I think it's fair to say the customer did not meet the required criteria," said Greg Cook, a Bureau of Motor Vehicles spokesman.

Phobia of The Day

Thantophobia: fear of death or dying

Random Fact of The Day

The average life span of a peasant during the medieval ages was 25 years.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"Lobster: Everyone loves these delectable crustaceans, but many cooks are squeamish about placing them into boiling water alive, which is the only proper method of preparing them. Frankly, the easiest way to eliminate your guilt is to establish theirs by putting them on trial before they're cooked. The fact is, lobsters are among the most ferocious predators on the sea floor, and you're helping reduce crime in the reefs. Grasp the lobster behind the head, look it right in its unmistakably guilty eyestalks and say, 'Where were you on the night of the 21st?', then flourish a picture of a scallop or a sole and shout, 'Perhaps this will refresh that crude neural apparatus you call a memory!' The lobster will squirm noticeably. It may even take a swipe at you with one of its claws. Incorrigible. Pop it into the pot. Justice has been served, and shortly you and your friends will be, too."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(I know you are but what am I?)

Montana principal returns after 'wedgie'

LIVINGSTON, Mont. - The principal of Park High School returned to school Tuesday after a six-day suspension for giving a student a "wedgie." The Livingston School District Board held a special meeting Monday and approved Superintendent Hannibal Anderson's recommendation that Principal Eric Messerli be allowed to return to work.

"It has been clearly recognized and stated that the behavior is inappropriate, unprofessional and unacceptable," Anderson said.

Messerli's behavior "warrants substantial disciplinary action" but was not sufficient grounds for a recommendation for termination, he said.

Messerli was suspended for two days without pay and four days with pay for grabbing a Park High senior's soccer jersey and pulling it over his head and giving the student a "wedgie" by pulling up on the waist band of his underwear. The incident happened on Oct. 5 at a junior varsity soccer game.

Messerli cried Monday as he read a statement to the board and the public.

"I've made mistakes in my life, but none have had the impact that this one has had," he said.

He said his first reaction was to resign, but he wanted to "tackle this mess" head on.

"I want to live in a world where we don't have to hide when we screw up," he said.

Public comments about Messerli, voiced by students, parents and community members, ranged from reprimand to encouragement.

"What could be better than showing how you bounce back after a mistake?" community member Brad Snow said.

"The days of a school staff person laying hands on a student are long gone," said a woman in the audience.

Park High Vice Principal Bob Stevenson and girls' soccer coach Nate Anderson, who both witnessed the Oct. 5 incident, expressed support for Messerli. They said his actions were a mistake, but they were done in an effort to joke around with the student.

"It was meant in playfulness," Anderson said.

Others, including trustee Greg Brainerd, said Messerli's trying to be on equal level with students was the problem.

He attributed the incident to "loss of traditional authority structure," which he believes should be re-established in the school system.

Anderson said Messerli also received a letter of reprimand.

___

Information from: Livingston Enterprise, http://www.livingstonenterprise.com

Things that make you go, Boo!

Yes. It is that time of year again. Time for me to change my Myspace page to reflect the Halloween spirit. Ok. So I was really bored and had nothing better to do. Also, I made some cute little Halloween pumpkins and critters and wanted to put them on my page. Gotta love Paint Shop Pro! I didn't redo my blog this time. I probably will for Christmas. It is just too much work to redo the whole blog! lol.

Here is a little black kitty that you can grab if you wanna. Just right-click and click "save picture." Feel free to take it. I know some people are all copyright-happy or what-not, but I am not. I just like to make things for fun :)



Nothing new has been going on. The training class is almost over (next Thursday is the last day ) , so pretty soon I will be back at my old desk. I am glad cuz it is just so friggin' cold in that room in the morning, and then in the afternoon it is hot and stuffy.

I went to the dentist today for a cleaning, and for the first time in a long time I was actually not nervous or weirded out going there. You wanna know why? Sonicare! That is why. That toothbrush is SO worth the money. I knew my teeth were clean, damnit. I am seriously loving me some Sonicare. Every time I brush my teeth, they feel so fresh-from-the-dentist clean (did that sound like a commercial or what?) But really, it cleans your teeth great. For serial!

On a totally unrelated note, I heard that Kate Moss and her weirdo of a boyfriend, Pete Doherty (who is nearly as skinny as she is) are gonna have a baby together. Am I the only one grossed out by this? That baby is gonna be seriously hideous! They both have rat faces and drug habits. Such a lovely pair they make (gag). They make Britney Spears and Kevin Federline look normal (almost).

Oh well. You know what they say.....everyone is somebody's weirdo. At least those 2 weirdos found each other.

Phobia of The Day

Dishabiliophobia: fear of undressing in front of someone

Random Fact of The Day

In Florida, it is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"I cannot overemphasize the importance of good grammar. What a crock. I could easily overemphasize the importance of good grammar. For example, I could say: Bad grammar is the leading cause of slow, painful death in North America, or Without good grammar, the United States would have lost World War II."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(Poor guy. All that, and still no Sponge Bob.)

Toddler gets stuck in vending machine

ANTIGO, Wis. - Three-year-old Robert Moore went fishing for a stuffed replica of Sponge Bob and ended up trapped in a vending machine. The toddler's adventure began with a Saturday evening shopping trip with his grandmother, Fredricka Bierdemann, and three siblings.

Bierdemann ended the trip by giving each child a dollar and telling them to have fun in a retailer's game room.

A stuffed Sponge Bob in a vending machine's bin caught Robert's eye. He tried without success to fish it out with a plastic crane.

"I told him I could get it for him," his grandmother said. "He's a character. He said, 'Oh no, I can get it.'"

When she turned her back to get another dollar for a second try, Robert took off his coat and squeezed through an opening in the machine. He landed in the stuffed animal cube.

"I turned around and looked for him, and he said, 'Oma, I'm in here," Bierdemann said. "I thought I would have a heart attack."

Store employees couldn't find a key to the machine, so Robert waited while the Antigo Fire Department was called.

"He was having a ball in there, hugging all the stuffed animals," Bierdemann said. "He was so good-natured, but I was shaking like a leaf."

Firefighters broke one lock but then spotted two latches inside the plastic cube. They passed a screwdriver to Robert.

"He stacked up all the stuffed animals and used that screwdriver to open the latch," his grandmother said. "You should have seen him go."

Eventually, Robert freed himself. But his mother, Marie Moore, and grandmother said they were lucky that he remained calm when another child might not have. He went home safe — but without a stuffed Sponge Bob.

Caption This!

They knew their love was wrong. But it felt so right.

Post your own funny caption in a comment if you wanna.

Phobia of The Day

Atychiphobia: fear of failure

Random Fact of The Day

It's against the law to burp or sneeze in a church in Omaha, Nebraska.

Funny Stuff From Dave Barry

"The neutron bomb is a nuclear device that kills people without destroying buildings. Many people feel this is inhumane; they much prefer the old- fashioned humane-type nuclear devices that kill people *and* destroy buildings. Western Europe's reaction to the neutron bomb has been mixed: most buildings are for it, and most people are against it, on the grounds that it might kill them. They're always wallowing in sentiment, those Western Europeans."

Stupid News Story of The Day

(One is never enough.)

Man with mannequin fetish arrested again

FERNDALE, Mich. - A Detroit man with a history of smashing store windows to grab female mannequins has been accused of indulging his fetish again. Ronald A. Dotson, 39, was arrested and jailed Oct. 9 after breaking a window at a cleaning-supply company to get at a mannequin in a black and white French maid's uniform, police said.

A judge Thursday ordered him to undergo a psychiatric examination to determine whether he is competent to stand trial on charges of attempted breaking and entering.

"Mr. Dotson went to prison and they haven't helped him," said his lawyer, Edward Cohn. "He got out of prison and he was right back out there. It's pretty bizarre."

Dotson had been out of prison for less than a week when he was caught. His erotic pursuit of mannequins over the past 13 years has led to at least six convictions for breaking and entering and a stint in prison, police said.

"He told his parole officer he was going to buy a mannequin so he didn't have to do these break-ins anymore," said Detective Brendan Moore said. "Apparently that didn't work out."