Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy quotes

"You'd better be prepared for the jump into hyperspace. It's unpleasently like being drunk."
"What's so unpleasent about being drunk?"
"You ask a glass of water."
-- Arthur getting ready for his first jump into hyperspace



"You know," said Arthur, "it's at times like this, when I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, and about to die from asphyxiation in deep space that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young.'"
"Why, what did she tell you?"
"I don't know, I didn't listen."
- Arthur coping with certain death as best as he could



"Here I am, brain the size of a planet and they ask me to take you down to the bridge. Call that "job satisfaction"? 'Cos I don't. "
--- the eternally depressed robot, Marvin




"If there's anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now.'"
-- Zaphod




"Hey this is terrific!'" Zaphod said. "Someone down there is trying to kill us!"
"Terrific," said Arthur. "But don't you see what this means?"
"Yes. We are going to die."
"Yes, but apart from that."
"APART from that? It means we must be on to something!"
"How soon can we get off it?"
-- Zaphod and Arthur in a certain death situation over Magrathea



"Right," said Ford, "I'm going to have a look." He glanced round at the others."Is no one going to say, 'No you can't possibly, let me go instead?' They all shook their heads."Oh well."
-- Ford attempting to be heroic whilst being seiged by Shooty and Bangbang



"Now it is such a bizarrely impossible coincidence that anything so mind-bogglingly useful could have evolved purely by chance that some thinkers have chosen to see it as a final and clinching proof of the nonexistence of God. The arguement goes something like this:
"I refuse to prove that I exist," says God, "for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing."
"But," say Man, "the Babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn't it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don't. QED."
"Oh dear," says God, "I hadn't though of that" and promply vanishes in a puff of logic.
-- The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy



"Attention, people of Earth. I regret to inform you that in order to make way for the new hyperspace express route, your planet has been scheduled for demolition. Have a nice day. "
--- Vogon Demolition Crew


"Simple. I got very bored and depressed, so I went and plugged myself into its external computer feed. I talked to the computer at great length and explained my view of the Universe to it."
"And what happened?"
"It committed suicide."
--- Marvin